Chapter 2

Buffy and Drew stood in the empty apartment and looked around. "This is a lot of space to fill." Buffy said.

"We can do it." Drew said.

"There's three bedrooms."

"We'll figure something out." He laughed. "Besides, with all the clothes you own, I'm sure one room will end up your closet."

"Don't joke. Can we even afford this?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Baby, quit worrying."

"I worry. It's what I do. You're always so optimistic! And why did you tell your mother I didn't want kids?"

"I didn't say that!"

"You did so."

"I'm confused here. All I said was that you wanted to wait."

"Which is telling her I didn't want kids now and you do!"

"Yes, now. I didn't say anything about later. We just got married. I'm not pushing. Baby, what's wrong?"

Buffy sighed. "Why are we even looking at this apartment? What's wrong with ours?"

"It's too small."

"Ah ha! You want kids!"

Drew sighed. "Yes. Eventually. But not…."

"Not yet. Damn it, Drew…."

"Buffy…." He gently took her shoulders. "We're going to be ok. I know you're worried about this, but we're going to be ok. I'm not the other men in your life. I'm Drew Turner and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Drew hugged her tightly, kissed her hair.

Buffy laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling. She'd had to take a sleeping pill to force herself to sleep again. It was now eleven in the morning. After laying there for a few more minutes, she finally stood up and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. The door was shut and the shower was running. She completely forgot the past few months in her drugged, half awake haze and opened the door. "Drew?" Buffy pulled back the curtain and let out a yelp at Angel's naked form. "I'm sorry! Sorry." She practically fell out of the door. "Sorry!"

Angel shut the shower off and quickly wrapped a towel around his waist. "Are you ok?"

"I'm so sorry. I uh…. I thought you were…." Buffy sighed, looking at the wall to the right of Angel's half naked, wet, chiseled body. "I took sleeping pills." She finished pitifully.

"Those are some strong pills."

"My doctor prescribed them. I haven't been sleeping well since…. Since we got the news that it was…. Terminal and the chemo wasn't working anymore."

"I understand."

"They're pretty powerful."

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No. No. I woke up all on my own."

Angel finally noticed that Buffy had slept in her dress and Drew's shirt. "They must've kicked in quick."

"What?" She looked down at herself. "Oh, uh…. Yeah. I mean…. I didn't feel like changing. I just wanted to lay down and…. Forget."

Angel decided to change the subject. "What have you got planned for today?"

Buffy shrugged. "I, uh…. I don't know. I've got to make sure…. People know that he…. That he, uh…."

"It's ok. You don't have to say it."

"Thanks. And I need to go get our stuff from the house since…. Since I had to give it up."

"Do you need some help?"

"It's daylight."

Angel nodded, forgetting that she didn't know. "I'll help this evening, then. I mean, if you're not moving, you should unpack."

"Ok." Buffy nodded. She turned and headed back into her bedroom, forgetting she wanted to take a shower.

Angel sighed and looked down at the floor he was soaking. About two years ago, he'd fought a Mohra demon. Just before he killed it, Angel had selfishly allowed the demon's blood to mix with his. At the time, he'd had every intention of going to win Buffy back to him. He'd been tired of fighting and tired of being lonely. After eating all the Chicago deep dish pizza his stomach could handle, he'd gone home to start packing for New York. But when he'd gotten the mail, a letter from Dawn had told him that Buffy had gotten married. Instead of heading to New York, Angel had gone out and gotten drunk, hoping to drown his sorrows.

He wanted to tell Buffy, but he thought that if he told her now, it would only serve to confuse or hurt her more than she already was. Angel sighed again and headed back into his designated bedroom. He got dressed and looked in the mirror. He was still pale and black was still his favorite color. His hair was a little longer, but still spiked like he'd always kept it. He'd worked on keeping his muscles toned, so he still had the same physique he'd always had. It also amazed him that Buffy hadn't noticed he had a reflection by now.

There was a knock on the door. "Angel?" Buffy called quietly.

Angel jumped away from the mirror and opened the door. "Hey." She'd changed into a pair of dark blue jeans and a long, pink striped T-shirt with Marilyn Monroe's face in dark pink on it.

"Faith is on her way over. She's going to help get everything and bring it back here."

"Ok."

"I let her know I wouldn't be here. Can you just let her in when she gets here?"

"Of course."

"I'll be back in a while."

"Where are you going?"

"Uh, I need to get a truck to bring back what we took over to the house."

"Ok." Angel watched Buffy walk sadly down the hallway and down the stairs.

"Yo, B!" Faith called into the seemingly empty apartment.

"Faith?" Angel asked, coming out of the kitchen.

"Angel!?" Faith squealed and jumped into his arms in a huge bear hug.

"You look amazing. You look so grown up! I love your hair! How've you been?"

"Great! Angel, you look so…." Faith's face crunched up in confusion as she scrutinized him. "Alive." Her face lit up. "Are you…."

"Please don't tell Buffy."

"You're…." Angel nodded. "Are you serious? When? How?"

"About three years ago. And it was a Mohra demon. Their blood has regenerative properties."

"Why can't B know?"

"It would only confuse her. For the longest time, she wished I could be human so she could be with me. And now…. She just lost her husband. I don't want to impose anything on her."

"She's going to be so pissed when she finds out."

"Probably."

"So what are you doing here…. In B's apartment?"

Angel shrugged. "I got a letter from…. A friend. I came up after everyone left last night and after she cried for a while and told me about Drew, she asked where I was staying and then gave me the spare bedroom. So, how've you been?"

"Busy. I'm a counselor at this troubled teen center in Boston."

"Wow. Are you married? Seeing someone? Still playing the field?"

"Seeing someone. Permanently. We live together. He's Buffy's old boss."

"The principal from Sunnydale?"

"Yep."

"Wow. Any wedding bells planned?"

"Nope. Come on, Angel. You know me better than that."

"Yeah, I never did picture you being for the girly white dress and all those flowers."

Faith smiled. "So, are you going to help unpack, or are you leaving the heavy lifting to the girl again?"

"I think I'll help."

"So, he was a good guy then?" Angel asked, putting another empty box in the growing pile. He'd been pumping Faith for information on Drew and Buffy's relationship for the past two hours.

"The greatest." Faith said, putting more of Buffy's clothes back into the dresser inside the walk-in closet. "He treated B like a princess 24/7. They really loved each other."

"What exactly happened?"

Faith put down the shirt she was folding and sighed. "Drew had been complaining of some pretty knarly headaches and finally, Buffy made him go to the doctor. They did all these tests and then finally they did a CAT scan. They found a shadow that was…. Well, it wasn't operable. It was too far inside his brain to get to and it had spread pretty fast. They did chemo and radiation and everything. Tried all these new drugs. Nothing helped. She was by his side every minute of it." Faith sighed as she picked up a prescription bottle on the nightstand. "Poor B. She's having to take pills to get her through the day and sleep at night."

"She takes pills?"

Faith nodded sadly. "Dawn says she can't sleep at night since Drew's not there. She's just not comfortable. And during the day, she's so upset she starts shaking and she can't function."

"Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"No! Angel, I honestly think you coming could only do her good. Especially with your new human self."

"I couldn't ask her to…."

"Then don't. Just, you know, be there for her and make sure she feels loved. Eventually, she'll come around."

"Hey, who's here?" Buffy called as she walked in the door.

"Just me and the big guy." Faith said. "Did you get everything settled?"

"Yeah. The truck…. It's outside." Buffy took a deep breath. "I guess we should go get everything cleaned up and moved out of the house by the end of this week. The landlord called. He wants to show the house so he can re-sell it."

"Insensitive prick." Buffy smiled slightly. "Well, listen, I'll take the truck and head over to the house. I'll get Robin to help. Why don't you take the rest of the day off for yourself? Maybe Angel can make you something. He used to make some killer scrambled eggs."

"I don't know, Faith. There's so much to do…."

"And it can all be done later." Faith took Buffy's hands and squeezed tightly. "B, you just lost him. Give yourself some time to heal. You're always on the go. Let us take care of you, ok?" Buffy nodded and Faith hugged her tightly. "You go on upstairs and put on some PJs. That always makes you feel better."

Angel turned to Faith after Buffy was up the stairs. "What else does she like that makes her feel better?"

"Chocolate and peanut butter…. Preferably crunchy…. While sitting in her PJs and watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes." Faith headed out the door.

Angel was sitting on the couch with a blank TV screen in front of him when he woke up. He'd dozed off while watching some movie with Buffy. She had been sitting curled up on the other side of the couch pretending to pay attention to the movie. Now she was no where in sight.

Angel took a deep breath and rubbed his face. "Buffy?" He stood up and looked around the apartment. If he'd still been a vampire, he would've smelled where she'd gone. With a sigh, he started to search the downstairs. Everything was quiet and dark.

Angel went up the stairs and looked at Buffy's bedroom door. It was cracked just a little and a small amount of light spilled from the room. He could see Buffy sitting on the bed, but he could only see her head. She was awake.

Angel pushed the door open gently. To his surprise, she wasn't wearing the same PJs she'd been wearing for almost three weeks now. She was wearing her wedding dress and had the veil clutched to her chest. It was really a shock seeing her in something other than her Mrs. Haversham PJs, as Dawn had come to call them. Now she really was Mrs. Haversham, wedding dress and all. Once everything had been brought back to the apartment from the house, Buffy hadn't even left the apartment.

Angel had been with her, waiting for her 30th birthday. He'd come to New York three weeks earlier than he should have because he hadn't been able to wait any longer. He'd wanted Buffy to know about his humanity. But to his surprise, and everyone else's, Buffy hadn't realized that Angel was human yet.

It wasn't really Buffy's fault, though. She was too lost in her grief to really notice much of anything. She spent her time watching old movies that had been her and Drew's favorites and eventually she would fall asleep on the couch so Angel would just carry her up to bed. And every day that went by that Angel didn't tell her, the guiltier he started to feel about it.

Angel moved into the room a little further. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." Buffy stood up and went over to the antique, full length mirror standing in the far corner.

"Here." Angel walked over and took the veil from Buffy. As she stared in the mirror, Angel gently lifted the veil up and placed it in her hair. He helped her fluff it out into place. The bottom of the veil was lined in red silk that matched the underskirt of the dress. The dress was an off-white silk that had a band of red silk across the top of it and red silk lacing up the back. The red silk underskirt was the bottom of the dress that formed the train. The entire thing was one piece and had a slight belled skirt.

Buffy's eyes glazed over with tears. "He had this red silk tie and vest that matched the dress."

"I thought the groom wasn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding."

Buffy laughed and it caused the tears to fall. "It was an accident. Willow and I had bought, like, ten pairs of shoes because we couldn't decide which ones would go with the dress the best. So, I put the dress on and I was on the sixth pair of shoes when Drew walked in with this big bouquet of red roses."

Angel smiled slightly. "What was the occasion?"

Buffy shook her head. "Drew never needed an occasion to surprise me like that. He just did it because he could." She laughed. "He freaked out and almost fell down the stairs trying to get away from the dress. We ended up sitting on the floor in the hallway laughing about everything."

"Why laughing?"

Buffy shrugged. "It was funny because I stopped him from falling in my wedding dress and I said, 'I've never been one for traditions anyway.'" Her eyebrows knitted together. "I guess I should've."

"Should've what?"

"Been one for traditions. Maybe him seeing me in this dress was enough bad luck to…."

"No." Angel said firmly. "Buffy…." He gently gripped her upper arms and turned him to look at her. "Those are just old wives tales. The dress didn't take him away from you." He lifted his hands to her face and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. "A random, horrible event happened that neither of you could change."

Buffy gripped his wrists and closed her eyes, leaning against him. She let herself lose herself in the feel of him. It was familiar, but somehow different. Changed in a way she couldn't quite place. And it was…. "Warm."

"What?"

"You're warm!"

"I…."

Buffy placed her hand over his chest and felt his heart beating. "I don't…. I…."

"Buffy…."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…."

"It's been five weeks! You didn't feel the decency to tell me?"

"Buffy, I…."

"When did it happen? How did it happen?"

Angel was flabbergasted. She'd been so placid and prone to random breakdowns all week that this sudden outburst of anger and life surprised him. "I-I-I wanted to tell you, but I didn't think it would be right. You…. you just lost your husband."

"Keeping a secret like this isn't going to make me feel better!"

"Feel better?"

"Yes!"

"How would it have made you feel better? What would you have done?"

"What?"

"When I told you, what would you have done? Throw me down and take me for a spin?"

"No! But you should've told me! I think I have a right to know."

"Why? We haven't seen each other or talked to each other in years!"

"I waited for you."

"What?"

"When you called me because you were devastated at the loss of your friends…. The way you talked…. I thought you were asking me to wait for you. And that's exactly what I did. For years." She looked down at her shoes guiltily. "Even when I was with Drew, I waited and you…. You never came."

"I'm sorry you got that impression…."

"There was a time when we didn't even need to speak to have conversations…. And when we did, even when we said one thing, we both just knew that we meant another. What happened to that?"

"We got older. We grew apart."

"I feel so…. Guilty."

"Guilty? Why?"

"Because I loved Drew. I did. With all my heart, I loved him. But…."

"But….?" Angel prompted.

"I want…." She couldn't finish. The guilt welled up and caused a lump in her throat that she couldn't get rid of. Finally, Buffy pushed Angel out the door and slammed it.

Angel had no clue what to do. Had Buffy just almost admitted that she still wanted him even when she was grieving the loss of her husband? Had that been Drew's plan? Oddly enough, Angel was speechless. He'd never experienced anything like this in his 250 plus years.

Buffy lay in her bed and cried into her pillow. For the first time in a month, she wasn't crying because Drew wasn't with her. She was crying because she wanted Angel and the temptation of him being human had been too much for her. All those years and she hadn't lost her feelings for him. Even through falling in love and getting married, she had still felt so much love for Angel. And that made her feel so guilty. She felt like she was betraying Drew.

Angel knocked softly on her door and opened it slightly. "Hey…." Buffy didn't answer him. She just buried her face further into her pillows. "Listen…." He sat down on the bed beside her. "I, uh…. I was going to tell you. Actually, I was going to tell you two years ago. But I got a letter from Dawn saying that you were married and…. happy." Buffy managed to turn her head to look up at him. "If I'd have known…." Angel reached out and touched her shoulder.

Suddenly, her mouth was covering his in a passionate and fiery kiss. She pulled him closer until he was on top of her and they were both desperately trying to get each other's clothes off.