I don't own Zero no Tsukaima.
AN: Wow, that was a long break. Sorry about that. I was up at Lutsen Ski Resort teaching. I didn't really have much of an internet connection until I got home. Also, for my plan on the story, I see it splitting off in three different ways, so I opened a poll on my profile asking a simple question, Who. Should. Die.
Should it be…
A) Prince Wales
B) Princess Henrietta
C) Neither
Or D) I don't care
You get one vote, and the poll is blind so as to keep it a surprise. I will take it down once the next chapter is up, but I will put it back up once we are furthur along in the story and closer to one of the deaths/survivals. I'm putting this poll up because I can't decide which way to go with my story. I was originally thinking of adding a fifth option of having both die, but couldn't think of how I'd write it. I will say this; I have the story planned out for options A, B and C. I'm pretty good at storyboarding. Personally, I like B and C the best, but I voted D, the only option that doesn't actually count.
Anyway, I guess I'll answer some reviews.
Starburst98, I didn't mix up confident with jackass, he's just being a jackass.
Time Masters, thank you.
Writinginreverse, first thank you for all the reviews, and Saito/Guiche would be Guito or Saiche.
Luna Warsong, this wasn't soon, was it?
Reishin Amara, here's more.
Tristan61, Merci! Although, oh I can't say it yet!
Aoirann, I have plans for Wardes. You are not prepared…
Clifton, I agree, it will happen later.
NeoNazo356, it will happen, but not yet.
Guest, he is shameless, isn't he?
Atrile, I liked my casual dismissal too. Wardes felt fake to me too, though I have plans for his future that will hopefully make him feel less robotic, and I will admit that Montcy is just defensive at the moment, I'll do more with her later.
Necrofantasia, it will be able to once she knows the chant, though she won't learn the chant for a long time.
Frosty Wolf, she'll be punished later…
xArtehx, your review is fine, and he is a little upset.
Sacchin, what she bought wasn't useless, they just aren't useful to the current situation…
Reven228, not much of one considering how tied up he is at the moment…
Lazurman, hahaha
Jouaint, thank you.
It was weird. Saito was completely head over heels in love with Tabitha. It just had to be the love potion at work. Kirche looked back to Flame, her fire salamander. It had been expensive paying for the reagents needed to hasten her recovery, but Flame was worth it. Flame was even being released, and was already rubbing up against Kirche.
At the moment Saito and Tabitha were reading, with Saito propped up so that he could read over her shoulder. It was the only way to get him to be quiet for any amount of time short of gagging him. He still occasionally hit on Tabitha, though Kirche was in no way jealous. Saito did attack and severely injure her Flame, and then threatened her. He was scary more than anything.
"So Tabitha," Saito began. He was still talking quite a bit. Kirche wondered if he was going to say anything raunchy again. "How do you read?"
"You…" Kirche started, she didn't want to say what she was thinking. What was he doing if not reading?
"Can't read?" Tabitha asked.
"What? No! This may be my second language but I can read this. Though Transmutation theory isn't really useful to me in any way, shape, or form, it is still kind of interesting. Though I am a bit surprised there's no mention of Protons, Neutrons, or Electrons."
Tabitha turned toward Kirche, and Kirche could hear her unasked question. "What?"
"Do you know what an atom is?" Saito asked. He waited a few seconds before adding, "Germs, bacteria, Periodic Table of Elements?" Kirche had no idea what he was rambling about. "I suppose this explains some of the cultural differences we have, so let me explain…"
Guiche was terrified. He shouldn't have let Montmorency keep buying things. For that matter he shouldn't have gotten the silk shirt, or the boots, or "Lover's Dawn." Still, he had to get that book, he had heard about certain scenes.
Still, Saito's reaction would not be good. It was obvious that it would be bad, Saito wasn't exactly nice. He was a bit of an ass. Of course spending his money would in no way encourage any kind behavior.
"So, how are you going to get the Tear?" Louise hissed.
"Wait for one to surface, what else could we do?" Montmorency stated matter-of-factly.
"Wait? You can't wait! The Headmaster has taken a personal interest in this and wants Saito to be back to normal as soon as possible! Do you think he's going to accept that we have to wait!?"
"Well, we have to…" Montmorency weakly replied.
Guiche saw the coldness in Louise's eyes, her fists clenched with barely constrained anger. "Montmorency, you took money that wasn't yours and wasted it. You are going to tell me any alternatives that are faster than waiting. We don't have time to wait this out."
"You spent some too!" Montmorency shouted.
"ENOUGH! How much money is left and where else can we go to buy a Tear?" Louise shouted as she tried to stand in the carriage.
"…Um, well? We spent a lot?" Montmorency nervously said as she fidgeted in her seat.
"How much is left?"
"132 ècu, 116 sous, and 11 deniers." Guiche answered nervously. Why did he spend it? He should not have followed Montmorency's lead.
Louise stared at them, mouth hanging open as she fell back into her seat. "I gave you 2600 ècu, and you only have 133 left?" (1)
"Well… Guiche bought stuff too!" Montmorency shouted indignantly.
"What!?" Guiche screamed. How could she throw him under the carriage like this? "You bought more stuff than I did!"
"Well you hired that shipping group to take everything back to the Academy for us!" Montmorency returned.
"Because we couldn't carry all of your stuff!"
"Yeah well-" Montmorency began before Louise interrupted her with a well placed fist. "OW! That really-"
"STOP TALKING!" Louise screamed before turning her attention onto Guiche.
Guiche's spirits fell to the pits as Louise pulled her fist back. "Please don't-"
"How long until he's fixed?" Colbert asked as he gazed into the crystal ball, observing Saito through the scrying spell. "And I thought you said he was in love with Louise…"
"The Void spell Louise used seemed to have…" Osmond paused, trying to find the right word, "Reset the potions effects. I think. Montmorency should be back soon with the Tear."
"Then she'll make the remedy?"
"If I want to continue being the Headmaster of the Academy and she wants to continue being a student, then we need to heal and restore Gandàlfr before anyone finds out." Osmond sighed as he gazed into the crystal ball.
"I'm sorry for advising you to send word to the capitol of Saito's existence." This was partially his fault, and Colbert was fully willing to take blame. He couldn't let Osmond take all of the blame.
"No, that was the right thing to do. It's just that nothing's ever simple. Nothings ever been simple ever since Gandàlfr arrived, just constant panic and crisis, just look at my office! " Osmond groaned, motioning to the missing east and north walls, leaning back to gaze at the starry sky.
Colbert gazed at his friend and it was painful. In all the years he had been at the Academy Osmond had never looked as old as he did now. He was slouched down in his seat, bags under his eyes, and his hair was unkempt for the first time Colbert had ever seen. "So… Do you think they're back yet?"
Osmond tapped the crystal ball with his staff to an image of Louise stomping off of her carriage with a look of unparallel rage and a vein throbbing on her forehead, followed meekly by Guiche and Montmorency, who both sported matching black eyes. What did they do? Osmond sighed once again and forced himself up, then marched out.
Colbert stared at the crystal ball, the image of an irate Louise slowly stomping toward the medical area. The scrying spell slowly wore off as Louise arrived at Saito's bedside. Colbert realized that he should probably go down there too, but had no clue what he could add.
"Saito's coming with me." Louise growled out. She was still mad at Guiche and Montmorency for being wasteful, brainless, selfish, and annoying fools. At least she got to hit those idiots.
"You look a little angry, Louise." Saito sardonically added from Tabitha's lap. She was sitting on the table with her Ally. "And why're they hiding behind you?"
"Why are you on Tabitha's lap?" Guiche asked.
"Because she's fucking perfect!" Saito began exuberantly before rolling over a bit to gaze at Tabitha. "You really are perfect; you're smart, cute, deadly, and you learn quickly! Your ass is to die for; your lips are kissable..."
Louise stared blankly as Saito listed body parts and how perfect they were. Louise turned to Kirche who let out a longsuffering sigh. "He's been like this all day. First he was rambling about tiny creatures you can't see that make people sick, then moved on to more ridiculous things, like stuff that was even smaller that we can't see."
"Speed reading." Tabitha quietly added.
"Be glad he's not singing the element song." She muttered. Louise wasn't sure why he'd need a song, there were only 4 elements.
"My heart which shouts for love, to this woman every day, that which has my heart, and my happiness…" (2) Saito was more annoying than usual.
"He knows poetry?" Guiche added as Saito kept talking. He's still annoying.
"Good poetry…" Montmorency dreamily sighed. Was she falling for a man she robbed?
"Look, we need to take Saito to a Water Spirit." Louise told Kirche, causing Tabitha to look up.
"They couldn't find a Tear?" Kirche asked.
"They spent all of my money, Saito's too."
"Wait." Saito began, interrupting the love poem streaming out of his mouth. "They spent all of my money?"
"Yes, they spent it all." Louise answered, not sparing Saito a glance.
"They stole my money? I had 1826 ècu, 243 sous, and 1634 deniers, and you two spent all of it?" (3) Louise turned toward Saito, he looked like he was in pain for a moment.
"I should not have mentioned that…" Louise mumbled.
"YOU TWO RETARDED BASTARDS STOLE ALL OF MY FUCKING MONEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! POISENING ME WASN'T ENOUGH!? AREN'T I TERRI- AAHHHH!" Saito screamed as he began rolled off Tabitha and fell off the table, landing with a dull thud before resuming his rant. "I SWEAR ON ALL THAT'S FUCKING HOLY I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR FUCKING HEADS AND SHIT DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROATS!"
"I-I-I-I…" Guiche incoherently stuttered as he hid behind Louise.
"Protect us Louise!" Montmorency begged as she hid behind Guiche.
"Stop hiding behind me! I want him to beat you to a pulp!" Louise snapped. As far as she was concerned they deserved Saito's threats.
"I can't die! You need me to talk to the Spirit at the Ragdorian Lake!" Montmorency hastily put out.
"Fine, Saito please don't kill Montmorency." Louise requested.
"If I kill them they can't pay me back!" Louise looked at Saito, he wasn't nearly as angry as he was a moment ago.
"Pay you back?" Guiche asked.
"Why does he need to pay you back, what happened?" Osmond asked as he approached.
"They stole my God damn money!" Saito shouted.
"You weren't using it!" Montmorency said.
"…Are you kidding me!? It's called saving money you stupid bi-!" Saito clenched his eyes shut, a look of pain covering his face. Saito snapped his eyes back open. "I was going to buy Tabitha a present you stupid bitch!"
"Do they have the Tear?" Osmond asked, sounding exceedingly tired.
"They did not." Louise pointed out as she stared at Saito. He just lost control, but when did he break it in the first place?
"Who cares what they didn't buy! I say we sell their stuff until I ha-mmmphf!" Another brass band appeared, covering Saito's mouth.
"That's better." Headmaster Osmond cheerfully said.
"You enjoyed that far too much." Kirche said after a moment.
"At least he's not… screaming…" Montmorency trailed off under Old Osmond and Louise's glare. "I'll fix this… We're going to talk to the Water Spirit and get a Tear."
"What are you waiting for? Go!" Osmond shouted.
"But I'm tired…" Montmorency muttered. Louise had had enough, and turned toward Montmorency. "…I'll go get Robin…" (4)
Louise was a little disappointed that she didn't get to hit her again. "Headmaster, could you get a carriage ready for the Ragdorian Lake as soon as possible?"
"It should be ready after dinner." Osmond said.
"Coming." Tabitha said as she levitated Saito, walking toward the southern entrance.
"Fine." Louise said as she walked off, she needed to pack.
Derflinger was bored. He had just been sitting in Louise's room all day, hanging on the corner of the bed. Derflinger was positive after Saito's third life or death situation that his existence would be exciting with his new partner. Right now it was like he was back at that boring weapon shop, or that grave. That grave was dreadful.
That bratty pick girl could have at least left him near partner. Even if he was crazy right now it was preferable to just sitting in a room with nothing happening all day. It might be okay if there was another sentient weapon, but Derflinger couldn't remember the last time he met another sentient weapon.
Then the door opened and Louise stumbled in, dragging her feet with a slumped back. Her uniform was a bit disheveled. She pulled out a travel chest and began packing clothes. "Where are you going? Take me with you!"
"Who said!? Oh, right, you're here, um, Saito's sword." Louise responded uncertainly.
"That's Lord Derflinger, and take me with you, it is boring here!"
"I'll bring you if I have space." Louise dismissively said.
Derflinger had to think fast, he wasn't getting left behind. He needed to think of something that would give him a chance to do something interesting. Or at least not boring. "Could you at least prop me next to Saito or something?"
"Saito's coming with me to the Water Spirit." Louise said, hardly paying any attention.
Derflinger had to come now, something big was clearly happening. He had already missed enough. "You should bring his weapons! It would cheer Saito up! He probably feels naked without me!"
Louise retrieved another dress, packing it in her chest. "You're right, I suppose. Hmmm?"
Louise walked over to Saito's bed, where she had left her Ally's weapons. Derflinger was practically giddy, he was going to come! No more sitting in an empty room doing nothing! Louise picked up Saito's brass knuckled dagger and one of his pistols. She took them to her chest and placed them inside. Derflinger was waiting for Louise to come and grab him when she closed her chest and locked it. "What are you doing?"
"I don't have space for all of the weapons. I'll leave the two muskets, the pistol, the other dagger, and the bow and arrows. Thanks for the tip." Louise offhandedly said as she left the room.
Derflinger's quillion hung open, unable to believe that Louise didn't get the hint.
Saito groaned as he tried to stretch out, unable to do so in his bindings and with Guiche's bear-sized (6) mole lying on him. This was humiliating. I can't believe I slept with the damn luggage. The mages had placed him with their baggage and pets on top of the carriage. Saito turned and saw Kirche's fire lizard thing glaring at him. He better not attack me again.
The only good thing was that Tabitha was here, and she was as radiant as ever. Of course Guiche and Montmorency's presence ruined any kind of joy that could be derived from this. They were such stupid, thieving idiots. Hey, I agree with my insane half!
Saito heard Louise groaning, the last one to wake up. "Are we there yet?"
"No." A beautiful angel said. She was so wonderful, a perfect combination of deadly and beautiful.
"I should go and Dispel Saito, he's probably tired of being bound." Louise tiredly groaned. Yes! Finally!
"Please don't." Kirche moaned. "Sure he's cute but I'm not in the mood to be around someone who's always angry."
I am not always angry. This was another reason to not like Kirche, not only did she have her familiar attack him, she was under the clearly false assumption that he was always angry. Saito was starting to get pissed off.
"Yeah, remember how he attacked Malicorne?" Montmorency said.
"And the entire reason he sat next to you was to try and prevent Guiche from reconciling your relationship." Kirche added.
"He did sound angry when he answered Professor Colbert's question." Guiche chimed in.
"And he threatened you when you just walked up to talk to him!" Montmorency added.
"And the way he hurt Flame and just threw her back into my room." Kirche growled.
"That was after I talked him down from doing worse." Louise said.
"Exactly! And the only reason he drank the Love Potion was because he stole Guiche's champagne!" Montmorency exclaimed.
"And most of that's over less than two full days!" Guiche finished.
"Yeah, we'll leave the stupid dog there for a while, I mean the first thing he did when he came back was blackmail the Headmaster." Louise agreed.
Since when have I been such an ass? Saito thought back to his life at home, he didn't remember being angry back then. In fact, back home he was about as content as he was with Tabitha, even when bad things happened. Why was he even angry, things have been going well for him! He just got an M16A1, another pistol, an M72 LAW, he had control over the stupid and perverted Headmaster, and he was pretty sure that Tabitha was attracted to him. I shouldn't be so angry…
"Wait, he's blackmailing the Headmaster?" Three voices asked at once.
"Why aren't you fucking livid!?" My best friend shouted from the back seat as I drove off the school parking lot in my mom's van.
"She's not worth being angry over." I shrugged.
"Saito, you don't even seem to care about this. You walked in on her cheating on you!" A girl with jet black hair and glasses chimed in from the passenger seat.
"Yeah, if – cheated on me I'd want to beat his ass." My friend's current girlfriend said. She had green eyes.
"You shouldn't hit people…" The girl with black hair said.
"I wouldn't actually… never mind!"
I was angry, I'd need to be inhuman to not be angry after that bitch cheated on me. However I've seen some of my brother's exes reactions, and I don't want to be like them. I was better than that. "Your right, I don't care. Mel was a bitch, and I'm ready for something better. I'm not going to hit her or anything. Do you know if -'s seeing anyone?"
"Which -?" The girl with jet black hair asked. There were 7 girls with the same name at our school.
"- Bartholomew." I answered.
"Don't date her. I heard that she hit Dan." Green eyes said.
"I don't think she'd do that." I was wrong.
"Saito, don't date her, bad idea, now lets go to –'s house tonight, we can trash it, I have rotten eggs, we can get some toilet paper, I have a cake, then we can fork him." My best friend suggested.
"Oh my God, are you back on that? I am not angry, and why would we TP his house, he didn't cheat he just helped. He even apologized. She told him we had broken up before she did him." I'd have to be a dick to blame him.
"-, why do you have rotten eggs, and how would you use a cake?" Green eyes asked.
"You'll see."
"I'm open to it."
"As immature as it is, I'll help." Green eyes seemed kind of reluctant.
"You two are magnificent." My best friend boisterously added.
"Okay, why are you guys bothering with this?" I asked. They were getting nosy.
"You're our friend and when someone fucks you over we get pissed? In this case we get pissed for you since you don't seem to be angry AT ALL. It's kind of annoying." My best friend said.
"We got your back."
"Yeah, that whore deserves worse, and how would you use a cake?" My friend's girlfriend asked again.
I didn't need to be angry. "You guys are fucking awesome, and I want to know how you'd use a cake too." I told my friends as I pulled up to my best friend's house.
"You're all kidding, right? A cake is a kind of firework, I was going to-" My friend began as he got out of the car.
"You are not using a cake."
"Are you an idiot? You could start a fire!"
"That's too far, we're going to TP and egg her house, maybe fork her. I suppose she does deserve it."
"MMRRFMRRRMFMMMFFF!" Saito's muffled shout came once again. Guiche had lost count of how many times Saito had tried to shout.
"Why does he keep doing that?" Louise asked no one in particular as she took a bite out of a croissant. They had stopped earlier in a small hamlet and bought some confections, first thing they've eaten since breakfast.
"Who knows? Verdandi, come over here I have a treat for you, my adorable Familiar." Guiche added with a grin.
"Don't invite your Familiar inside! It's cramped enough as it is!" Kirche whined as the adorable mole made his way inside. Verdandi could only fit half of himself in.
"Don't listen to her Verdandi, we all love you." Guiche told his Familiar in a babying tone as he gave his precious and cute familiar a loving embrace, then treated him to a croissant. Verdandi's diet normally consisted of earthworms and whatever else is underground, though Guiche simply needs to spoil his adorable Familiar sometimes.
"Don't spoil him!" Montmorency admonished with her delightful Robin sitting on her shoulder.
"A little croissant won't spoil my precious Verdandi!" Guiche cooed as the cute mole took the croissant in its mouth. The mole exited the carriage and returned to the top of the transport. "Verdandi, what are you-"
"MMMMFFFF-AAAHHHH! Good to have my mouth uncovered. Thank you Mister mole! You even brought me a croissant! You are awesome." Saito's cheerful voice announced. The carriage ground to a halt.
All five of the passengers looked at each other, and then ran out of the carriage, wands at the ready. They looked up to see Saito with a croissant in his mouth, Verdandi sitting on the still bound man. "Saito, when was the last time you ate?" Louise questioned.
Saito finished the croissant before saying, "They gave me some bread yesterday for lunch."
"You must be hungry…" The carriage driver, Mical from the Academy Guard, added.
"Why yes, I am hungry, glad you noticed Mical." Saito responded sardonically.
Right, lets feed you." Louise said before she closed her eyes and a focused and determined look covered her face. "Dispel."
"FINALLY!" Saito exuberantly shouted. "It's nice not being completely, insanely amorous with someone. It's nice to just be me again. Also, sorry for trying to, um, yeah, sorry Louise. For that. Also Tabitha, if I wasn't restrained I probably would have tried to, uh, to you too. Could you guys unbind me so I can get something to eat?"
"Of course." Mical said as he gave a short chant and waved his wand, causing the bands to instantly rust away.
Kirche's Familiar growled, fixing a glare on Saito as he stood. "Oh GRRR yourself, I don't like you either. Attack me again and I won't be as generous as last time."
"You threw her out a window last time!" Kirche countered as Louise got back into the carriage.
"He- I mean she attacked me! After three assassination attempts you can hardly blame me for responding aggressively!" Saito responded as he stretched out, cracking his back, shoulders, and neck."God, I don't remember the last time I felt so stiff."
Saito stepped to the edge of the carriage, and jumped to the ground. He kept stretching, loosening his muscles, finishing by bending over and palming the ground. "You're more flexible than me…" Montmorency muttered.
"I get that a lot."
"Could everybody get in? We need to get moving." Louise told the group.
"It would be nice to reach the lake by tonight." The driver chimed in.
They all climbed in, Saito quickly grabbing the nearest roll and began enjoying himself. Guiche sat across from Saito, one thing bothering him. "Three assassination attempts?"
"I believe I said three. Mical was there for one of them." Saito responded with his mouth full.
"I got in a duel with… I think it was Roger Fézensaguet, or something. Sent his brother after me." Saito continued, shoving another croissant in his mouth. "Hey, Mical, can you hear me?"
"Yes."
"Then I guess I'll say it. Guiche, Mical, thank you for stopping me when I was under the effects of the Love potion. I understand that it was probably pretty hard for you two to attack me, considering how dangerous I am." Saito let out, looking a bit embarrassed.
"I was just doing my job." Mical humbly responded.
"I only did what any fine gentleman would."
"Kirche, Tabitha, I want to thank you two as well." Saito stopped, thinking for a moment.
"This seems very difficult for you." Louise said.
"It's weird thanking people for beating me to a pulp… The only other way I see someone thanking another person for hurting them is… well… kinkier than… yeah." Saito mumbled.
"When would someone thank a torturer?" Montmorency asked.
Louise shrugged. "I think it was a joke."
"Oh you Vallières are so innocent." Kirche admonished
"This is getting kind of weird." Saito said as he bit into his fourth croissant. "Also, Guiche, even though I'm thanking you, I would like my money back. Especially considering that you didn't buy what you were sent to buy."
"Wait, you're not going to thank me?" Montmorency asked, clearly wounded by the lack of acknowledgement.
Saito didn't respond as a smile grew over his face. Guiche suddenly had a sinking feeling as Saito leaned forward, wrapping one arm around his shoulder. "Guiche, you are looking good. I was impressed at how brave you were, fighting me when I was insane."
"Louise?" Guiche asked.
"Oh I could do things to you that she never could." Saito whispered with a grin, his free hand cupping Guiche's personal bits. "Trust me." Saito locked lips, and Guiche froze.
"Dispel." Saito released Guiche, and slowly got back into his seat. "…It takes a moment for the spell to, ummm, cast."
"…Would it be possible to tie me back up and put me on the roof again…"
(1) I'm basing the currency after the real values of ècu, sous, and deniers. 1 ècu is worth 120 sous, and 1 sous is worth 12 deniers, and 1 ècu is worth 1440 deniers. And yes, this is based on a real currency used in France many years ago.
(2) If this were in French that would rhyme, it also sounds better…
(3) Do the math, and it can be simplified as 1829 ècu and 19 sous
(4) Who names a frog Robin?
(5) It feels inappropriate to call what Derflinger talks with a mouth, but I know it's not the cross guard, I'm not sure what it is. (Thank you death5367 for informing me that it is in fact called a quillion. I will now call it as such. Reviewers! Please thank him as well, he is fucking awesome (fact).)
(6) I'm not sure how to describe Verdandi's size, but the LN describes him thusly, and so shall I.
AN: Well that was fun. Next chapter we meet the Water Spirit! Sorry for not giving a Siesta perspective, but I just couldn't figure out how to fit it in. Anyway, Guiche and Montmorency are lucky, aren't they?
Well, Read and Review! Also, vote. Also, make a "Don't ask, don't tell" joke in your review. I'd like that.
This is Lee, and I'm out!