Chapter 3

"OW!" Buffy cried. She'd stubbed her toe on the step up into the bathroom from her and Drew's bedroom. She forgot it was there every time. Especially when it was dark

Drew started laughing. "Baby, you need to leave a light on."

"I have night vision." She said, hopping over to the bed and falling down on it.

"Night vision or no, you're going to break your toe." He sat up, still laughing, and gently took her foot. "Well, at least it's not broken this time."

"It hurts."

"Listen to you Miss Big Shot Slayer."

"Shut up." Buffy crawled under the covers and curled up in her husband's arms.

"You're a pain in the ass sometimes, you know it?"

"I try to be."

"You succeed." He kissed her, pulling her closer. "But I love you anyway."

Buffy shot up in bed the next morning with a gasp. "Oh my god!" She looked around and noticed that Angel's t-shirt was the only thing of his in her room. But she remembered last night. "Oh my god." Buffy slapped her forehead. "Oh, that was…. What the hell was I thinking?"

"I don't think you were." Angel replied, walking into the room with a breakfast tray covered with goodies.

"Angel, I…."

"You don't have to say anything."

"But I…. I mean, we…."

"I know what happened." Angel set the tray down in front of her and handed her his t-shirt. She slipped it on while his eyes were diverted with rearranging the breakfast tray. "And you shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"Why not?"

"Because it didn't stop you from loving Drew, did it?"

"No."

"And you haven't forgotten him, have you?"

"No."

"Then you shouldn't feel guilty at all."

"But…."

"Keep up the no-thinking thing. It's working for you." He kissed her forehead gently. "So, what do you have planned today, birthday girl?"

"Birthday….?" Buffy shook her head. "Oh…." The tears welled up.

Angel wrapped his arms around her. "Shh…. It's ok."

"It's not just my birthday. It's…. It's…."

"Your anniversary. I know."

"Oh, Angel…." Buffy started to sob.

Angel just held her until she could breathe again. "Listen, we can just ignore today if you want."

"No. I've…. I've got to face it. Maybe we can…. Go out somewhere."

"Only if you want to."

Tears started falling again. "I don't want to, Angel. I don't want to go on." She held on tightly to him. "I want him back."

Angel stroked her hair gently. "Shh…. I, uh…."

"Please don't say it. I hate those words now. They bring nothing but pain and suffering."

"Actually, I was going to say that I have something for you." Angel got up and went into his room. He returned holding a small box in one hand and the letter Drew had written him in the other. The box was wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper with a light pink ribbon and bow wrapped on it and there was a light pink tag taped under the bow.

"Angel…."

"It's not from me."

Buffy's brows drew together in confusion. "Who's it from?" Angel handed Buffy the box. On the tag was written "Open Me!" in Drew's handwriting. Buffy looked back up at Angel with dark eyes. "What is this?"

"Open it."

Buffy opened the package, carefully removing the wrapping. Inside the box was a tape recorder and another tag with "Play Me!" written on it in Drew's handwriting. Buffy hesitantly pushed the play button.

"Hey Baby!" Drew's voice said cheerily. Fresh tears sprang to Buffy's eyes at the sound of his voice saying something other than his cell phone's answering machine message. "So check you out! You're 30! Not as bad as you thought it would be, huh? All that complaining you did? It was for nothing. I told you it wouldn't be." He laughed for a few seconds before sobering and getting serious. "I bet you're really confused right now, aren't you?"

"Yes." Buffy said quietly.

"I know. Of course you are. I would be too. Well, don't worry, baby. I've got a plan for you."

"A plan?"

"Yes! A plan! Sorry I did it without you. Please don't be mad, but I can't plan a surprise for you with you. Silly woman. So, anyway, over the next few months I've got a few surprises planned for you. There'll be letters and presents and you'll never guess how they'll be coming to you. And please don't try cause it'll only spoil the surprise. Why am I doing this? The truth of it is: I'm just not ready to say goodbye to you yet." Drew sighed. "Hey, Angel, can you give her that letter I sent you? And baby, can you pause the tape till you're done reading? It might take you a minute. It's ok. I'll wait for you. Take all the time you need."

Buffy did what Drew asked and looked up expectantly at Angel. "He sent you a letter?" Angel handed her the letter and Buffy read it. She looked back up at him, then at the tape recorder, then read the letter again twice before pushing play on the recorder again.

"Jeez, took you long enough!" Buffy laughed. "Ok, I know it doesn't make sense as to why I would contact your ex to help you out, but I've got my reasons. Now baby, I need you to get out of bed. You can't mope around forever. And you're too gorgeous to be that crazy old Mrs. Haversham. Besides, who's going to take all those designer clothes and shoes off your boss's hands? She relies on you for that! So take off whatever you're wearing…. Angel, get the hell out of the room…. And put on something smashing. Go shopping because I know you 'don't have anything to wear'." He mocked her voice for that little bit. "Call your friends. You should be out getting wasted tonight. It's your birthday!" Buffy laughed through her tears. "Well, quit crying and get your ass out of that bed." He chuckled slightly. "And by the way, Buffy, I love you." The tape cut off there.

Angel watched Buffy's tears dry up and a tenderness fill her eyes at the sound of her dead husband's voice telling her he loved her. It hurt just a little to see how much she'd loved someone else. Mostly it just hurt to see her in pain, though. Finally Buffy took a deep breath and got out of bed. She stretched out the kinks and looked at Angel. "What?" He asked.

"Drew was right! I don't have anything to wear."

Angel lifted an eyebrow. Buffy had a whole walk-in closet of clothes and shoes that he and Faith had put back together with Buffy's directions once everything had been brought back from the Staten Island house. It had taken them four hours. He sighed. Women. "So, do you want to go shopping?"

"I think I need to."

"Ok. You go shopping."

"What are you gonna do?"

Angel smiled. "I'm going to plan a party."

When Buffy returned to her apartment, it was two hours until sundown. She'd stopped by work to tell everyone thank you for their cards and their flowers and to talk to her boss, Edie, about coming back. Edie had been more than adamant that Buffy take as much time as she needed. Rachel, Edie's part-time assistant who'd been temporarily promoted to full time until Buffy came back, had told Buffy that Edie had held onto a closet's worth of clothes, shoes, and accessories just for Buffy. So, instead of shopping, Buffy had spent the whole afternoon trying on clothes and shoes and matching them with every piece of jewelry she could. She was going to have to get rid of some of her clothes to make room for all the new ones.

The apartment was seemingly quiet and a little dark. She flipped on the light in the foyer and jumped when she saw all the people standing there with big smiles on their faces. "Happy Birthday Buffy!" They all yelled. Buffy took a moment to take in everyone's faces. Willow, Xander, Faith, and Angel were standing in front of the doorway. Dawn stood next to a small table with food on it. Gillian Turner stood next to the coffee table guarding a beautiful pink and white cake. Robin Wood was standing by another small table in the corner of the room that had a punch fountain on it. He was pouring champagne into the fountain.

Faith's eyes widened at the sight of all the bags in Buffy's arms. "Damn, B. Did you really need all that?"

"Edie saved it all for me." Buffy explained as Faith took some of the bags off her hands. "I couldn't turn it down."

"Who's Edie?" Angel asked.

"Her boss." Xander whispered. "I think she's a psycho bitch, but Buffy loves her."

"I heard that Xander." Buffy said.

"Hearing as good as ever, Buff." Xander smiled nervously.

"Come on, let's get this stuff upstairs." Faith said.

Buffy nodded. "Sure."

After they got the bags in the closet and Buffy got changed, Faith and Buffy stood in the bathroom talking while Faith played with Buffy's hair and makeup. "So, when did he have time to plan all of this?" Faith asked. "I mean, you were with him every waking minute."

"I guess when I was asleep." Buffy said.

"Any idea why he chose Angel to help you through this? I mean, he didn't even know the big guy."

Buffy shrugged. "He said in the letter that I would need the love that only Angel could provide."

Faith smiled slightly. "Well, I can see why. Without him here, you'd be a complete wreck." Buffy started to tear up. "Oh, no…. please don't cry, B."

"I'm sorry. It's just that…. I am a complete wreck, Faith. I miss him so much. I was sitting in my wedding dress yesterday!"

"Shit."

"I don't know where to go without him."

Faith gently grasped Buffy's hands. "B," She picked up the tape recorder that Buffy had taken everywhere with her. "He did this so you could go on with your life without him." Faith put the recorder back down and grabbed a wad of toilet paper. She dabbed at Buffy's wet, mascara-lined cheeks and said, "Drew was a master planner. I know you're going to make it through this. You're stronger than anyone here."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't want to be strong anymore. That was Drew's job. He was the strong one."

"You are strong Buffy. I know it's been a while, but you can stand on your own two feet. And if you feel like you need someone to lean on, then you've got plenty of friends who'll take that weight for you." Faith hugged Buffy tightly. "Come on. We need to get you cleaned up and get your makeup fixed."

Buffy woke up with a pounding headache and the lights were way too bright. After a long moment, she realized that the only light in her bedroom was the very dim light coming in through her thick curtains at the balcony doors. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and groaned. Her hair was so tangled it was almost sticking straight up, her makeup was in ruins, and the brand new, hot pink, Betsy Johnson dress she'd been wearing the night before was wrinkled beyond saving.

Buffy desperately tried to remember what happened the night before, but the only thing she could come up with was talking to Faith in the bathroom and then nothing. She groaned again. "Oh. My. God." She winced at how loud her voice sounded.

Huh. She'd thought she'd whispered that.

Downstairs, someone banged way too loudly on the door. She groaned and hid under the covers. The banging got louder. Buffy buried her head under the pillows and pulled the covers above them. It didn't help. The banging got louder and there was someone calling out her full name. Buffy growled and pushed out of bed. She made her way to the door and yanked it open. There was a young man standing there holding a big bouquet of balloons and dressed in a giant ladybug costume with black hearts instead of round spots.

"Whoa! You look totally haggard!" The man said.

"At least I'm not dressed as a ladybug." Buffy retorted. "What the hell do you want?"

"Are you Buffy Summers?"

Buffy stared at him suspiciously. "If I am, will you sing at me?"

"Yes."

"Then no. I'm not."

"Come on! If I don't sing, I'll get reported."

"Reported? To who? The Queen Bee?"

"I've gotta deliver this letter with the balloons and sing."

"Letter?" Buffy suddenly felt a whole lot better.

"I gotta sing, now."

"Give me the damn letter." Buffy snatched it out of the guy's hands.

"Hey! Give that back."

"No."

The man sighed. "You want the balloons?"

"No."

"Fine!" He started to sing My Girl, but Buffy slammed the door in his face.

She held the letter out a little ways from her and stared at it. Drew's handwriting spelled out her name on the envelope in purple ink. She laughed as she remembered getting on to him for stealing and then hiding her favorite purple pen. She'd had a hard day at work and she hadn't been entirely done and Drew had tried to cheer her up by playing with her. She hadn't had any of it. She'd been a real grouch that day.

Angel walked down the stairs looking a little less gaunt than Buffy. "What's going on?"

Buffy turned the letter over and opened it gently. She delicately pulled out the stationary paper and unfolded it. It took Buffy ten minutes to read it because she kept reading and rereading it.

Hey Baby,

Did you have to be so mean to the delivery guy? He was just doing his job. (I'm laughing so hard right now because I know you and I know your friends. You got smashed last night, didn't you?) Ha! Sorry. I couldn't resist. I wanted to make you smile just a little bit to bring you away from the hellion you are when you have a hangover. Did it at least work a tiny, tiny little bit?

"No." Buffy said to the letter with a small smile.

"What?" Angel asked from his place at the coffee pot. Buffy shook her head and continued reading.

My next letter isn't coming until exactly 1 month from today. I figured that'd be sufficient enough time for you to get rid of my things. You don't need them, baby. They're taking up space and I'm pretty sure Edie's loaded you down with the works by now. You know, lots of new clothes and shoes and jewelry that only celebrities can afford. Am I right? You'll need all the space you can get. Hell, you should probably ask Xander to turn the second guest bedroom into a nice big closet for you.

Get up off your keister and get to work. You've got one month.

This letter will self destruct in 5 seconds. HA! I've always wanted to say that. I can mark it off my list now.

And by the way…. I love you.

Buffy read it again while Angel put a mug filled to the brim with coffee in front of her. "What's it say?" Angel asked.

"He uh…. He wants me to get rid of his things." Buffy said sadly. She looked up at Angel as he took the letter from her and read over it. "I don't know if I can."

Angel smiled sympathetically. "That's why he gave you a month to do it."

"His smell will be gone."

"It'll fade eventually, Buffy. You can't stop that from happening."

"Why not? Why can't the world just stop until I'm ready to really face it?"

"Because the world is a stupid place. If I could stop it for you, I would."

Buffy smiled slightly and then winced. "I need aspirin." Angel had already pulled out a big bottle and handed it to her already open. "Why aren't you more haggard?"

"I didn't drink nearly as much as you did."

"I don't even remember last night. Was I bad?"

Angel smirked. "I'll never tell."