Oh look, we're back where we started. Trigger warning: Discussion of miscarriages and reference to abortion.

October 2000

The relationship between the X-Men and the Brotherhood had improved tremendously over the last year, but that did not mean that the two groups were in complete agreement all the time, but they were in agreement that summer had been absolutely perfect.

As September moved into October, however, the change in season brought something that threatened to complicate life even further.

In the early hours of one Saturday morning, Lexa stood in her small ensuite bathroom, staring at her reflection.

She knew her body like the back of her hand, as most people do, and she knew when something wasn't quite right.

Something was different, but she could not figure out what it was.

The mansion was silent – for obvious reasons, she was the only person awake – well, the only adult at least.

Not even her enhanced hearing could penetrate the sound-proofing around the nursery, so she had no idea how many of the children were up.

Wolverine was on another one of his road trips, which was why Pietro was still sound asleep in the bed she'd just left, and also why she was wearing his shirt from the night before to protect her modesty.

The thought made her snigger quietly. Protect it from whom? I'm the only person who can see me, and even if Pietro were to wake up … Well, he's seen me in less.

Nevertheless, she didn't move, letting her eyes travel over her reflection, trying to figure out what had changed, slowly running her hands over her head, arms, hips, stomach …

Lexa froze, her hands resting on her flat stomach.

I can't be.

Her heart raced dangerously, so loud she was surprised it didn't wake Pietro in the next room. Internally, she cursed her keen observation. Her body would never allow her to stay pregnant long enough for a regular woman to notice any changes, and her cycle was so irregular that miscarrying now could so easily have been mistaken for something else.

But now, she would know, even if no one else would.

In a trance-like state, Lexa opened the medicine cupboard and pulled out the pregnancy test sitting at the back (they had randomly appeared in all the bathrooms just after she'd arrived at the Institute, and personally blamed whatever had been in the water to allow five children to be born in one year).

Five minutes later, she walked out of the bathroom, calm until she saw her fiancé sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of what was going on.

Swallowing a choked sob, Lexa's hands drifted to her stomach, to where their unborn child resided, not knowing that in less than a week, her body would betray her and force it to leave its sanctuary prematurely and unprotected.

How did I let this happen?

Any other morning, Lexa would have crawled back into bed and let herself fall asleep again, safe in Pietro's arms, but she couldn't.

Not now.

She knew how much Pietro wanted a baby – specifically a baby with her – and she couldn't bring herself to tell him what was about to happen.

She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a robe, leaned down to brush a kiss to his forehead, and slipped out of her room, padding down the hallway and down the stairs to the nursery.

There were two adjoining nurseries in the Institute – a night nursery and a day nursery, both surrounded by sound-proof walls, allowing for naps during the day. At present, all six members of what had been dubbed 'Generation X' were in the night nursery.

Eloise Allerdyce, now nine months old with wisps of dark red hair beginning to appear on her head, was fast asleep in her crib, and Cindy Drake, now fourteen months (and hadn't that birthday party been fun?) and looking more and more like her mother with each passing day, was in exactly the same state, except with her bottom stuck in the air.

Stifling a laugh, Lexa carefully lifted the infant and settled her down properly; the young girl stirred, but stayed asleep.

The three toddlers may have been complete terrors sometimes (alright, all the time), but they knew not to wake the babies, and they waited for Lexa to turn to them before lifting their arms up.

"Good morning." Lexa whispered, lifting Lorelai out of her cot bed and placing her on the floor beside her.

Monica was lifted up next, soft blue eyes looking around, identical (Alex assured them) to her father's, and settled on Lexa's hip, while she picked up Joey as well and carried them through to the day nursery, Lorelai toddling along behind them.

As soon as Lexa put them down, the twins ran over to the toy-box with Lorelai in hot pursuit and Lexa winced at the noise they were making.

Before she closed the door, however, she returned to fetch her godson, who smiled and cuddled into her when she picked him up.

Now she shut herself in with the four children, knowing that Amara and Jubilee would hear if their daughters woke up, and settled down in one of the armchairs to watch the children begin a game of … well, only they knew.

Just shy of a year old, Liam was content to sit on her lap for only a short period before wriggling to be set down, and Lexa obliged, watching him crawl at high speed over to join his cousins.

They chattered away to each other, in a language that seemed to be a mix of English and Martian, but clearly making sense to each other in the way that children do.

Tears began to form in her eyes and Lexa blinked them away, caressing her stomach absent-mindedly as she'd seen Kitty doing in the later stages of her pregnancy, usually late at night when she was reading a book.

What she needed was someone to talk to, she thought, absently plucking a building block out of thin air and setting it on the table beside her, causing Joseph to pout. She needed someone who knew what she was going through, and what it was like to go through what she was about to.

Then the answer hit her and she grabbed the phone beside her, dragging the number up from memory.

For a few minutes, the phone rang and rang.

Then …

"Hello?"

Lexa didn't say anything, her throat tight and constricted.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Finally, Lexa forced out a response, her tears finally making their way down her cheeks. "Mom … I need you."

Not even an hour later, Lexa found herself in a Manhattan apartment building belonging to SHIELD, where her mother now lived under government protection.

To say that Deborah was worried would be an understatement – Lexa did phone every month or so, but her words were polite and distant, more out of obligation than any real sense of familial affection.

Not since their first real conversation had she called the older woman 'Mom' – it had always been 'Mother', a far safer option in her mind.

While Lexa could understand what had happened to her, she had yet to completely forgive Deborah for her actions, but now she was in a similar situation, she found herself rethinking it.

What would I do to save this baby?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door opening, revealing Deborah Risman, her hair pinned messily on top of her head.

"Lau-Lexa, what's wrong? You sounded terrible on the phone."

Lexa's only response was to wrap her arms around Deborah, her shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs.

Holding her daughter tightly, Deborah let her into the apartment, closing the door behind them, murmuring soothing words of comfort, flipping between the young woman's chosen name and her given one in her attempts to calm her.

Amazingly, Pietro's flip through Jean's baby name book all those months ago had been closer to the mark than either of them could have guessed. Deborah had confided in her shortly after they were reunited that, although she was never allowed to use it, she had given Lexa the name 'Laura' while she was pregnant, and was so used to calling her that in her head, that she occasionally slipped back into it when they were talking.

Finally managing to disengage Lexa's grip enough to sit her down, she pushed a mug of tea into her hands. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"I'm pregnant." Lexa whispered, the words foreign and bitter in her mouth. "And my powers are going to kill my baby."

The colour drained from Deborah's face and she closed her eyes, a tear of her own escaping her. "Oh, Lexa … I am so sorry."

They both knew that this apology was not meaningless platitude, that Deborah's sense of guilt was very real and not undeserved.

"I need your help." Lexa said, her hands gripping her mug of tea so tightly it was a surprise the china didn't splinter beneath her fingers. "How much stress is the baby going to go through when I miscarry? I don't want them to suffer any more than they need to …"

"Hang on." Deborah interrupted firmly. "I can see what you're thinking, Laura, but you have to remember that you are the only person who has ever been in your position – you may have been misinformed. Do really want to go through your life wondering 'what if'?"

"No." Lexa admitted.

Deborah tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear, her fingers lingering to touch her cheek. "Do you want this baby, sweetheart?"

Lexa sighed, her hands moving to cradle her stomach. "More than anything. I just don't think I could handle losing it."

Deborah gave her a shaky smile. "Go home, honey. Tell Pietro what's going on. You need each other."

Finally, Lexa returned her smile. "You're right. Thanks, Mom." Then, as she hugged her, she added, for the first time, "I love you."

The second Lexa parked her car back in the garage, she knew something was wrong.

For starters, Logan should have been back from his trip by now – his bike was certainly back in its place, but a quick sniff around told her that he hadn't gone into the house, but switched vehicles and left again.

The only car missing was the van, which made sense, since she could also smell traces of Pietro, Todd, Bobby and Jubilee.

Pietro had mentioned briefly yesterday that he was planning to run into town, and Lexa was fairly sure that Jubilee had mentioned it as well, so if Logan had returned when they were in the process of leaving, it would not be unreasonable for him to give them a lift.

But he wouldn't have hung around to wait for them, and the traces were an hour old at least, and there was no sign of his return.

Unease settling into her bones, Lexa locked the SUV she'd borrowed and hurried out of the garage and into the main house. The kitchen was empty, which wasn't unusual for the time of day – she had missed breakfast – but so was the rec room, which definitely was unusual.

Her stomach twisting with dread now, Lexa made her way to the living room, but stopped dead in the doorway, blood rushing from her head.

Scott and Jean were talking in undertones to a police officer in one corner. From the way Scott's arms were wrapped around his wife, it was clear she was very upset.

Anna was sitting with her husband, the rest of the New Mutants and most of X-Force. Rahne's face was hidden in Sam's shoulder, and Amara was sat on John's lap with their daughter, their backs to the door.

Sarah had her arms around Ray, but he seemed to be taking more comfort than she did. Paige and Jamie, the youngest, were clinging to each other for support.

There's someone missing. Bobby and Jubilee aren't there.

Another sweep of the room told her that the five people she'd picked up in the garage weren't present, and it didn't make her feel any better.

Tabitha, Wanda and Lucie were crying softly; Lance and Fred seemed to be trying to comfort them, but they didn't seem much better.

Warren was standing at the window, staring out of the window, staring out in pensive thought. Taryn, on closer inspection, was standing in front of him, her head resting on his chest.

Lorna was crying too, enveloped in Alex's comforting embrace, while he rocked her back and forth.

A hand landed on her shoulder, making her jump, and Lexa turned to see Kitty, her eyes wet with unshed tears and a sleeping Cindy in her arms.

"What happened?" Lexa whispered.

Kitty shook her head and jerked her head down the hallway, setting off in that direction.

"Kitty, what's going on?" Lexa asked, following her. "Logan gave them a lift into town, I know that from the garage – where are they? Where's Pietro?"

Kitty called the elevator, but didn't answer until they were in the car and the doors had closed. "They were run off the road." She said heavily. "The police are looking into it. Bobby, bless his heart, managed to get out of his seatbelt and cover Jubes, so he's worse than the others and she managed to escape most of the collision. The other car didn't stop and the van ended up in a ditch …" her voice faltered now, dying away.

"And?" Lexa prompted, her voice far stronger than she felt.

"Jubilee managed to get out of the car and contacted Jean to tell her what happened, but the … but the fuel tank caught fire and …" Kitty's tears began to fall now, dripping on to Cindy's head. "It was all John and Amara could do to stop the flames … They're all alive, amazingly, but they're badly burnt and Bella says it'll be touch-and-go for the next 24 hours."

"Kitty …" Lexa began, but she found that her ability to form words seemed to have disappeared.

Kitty lifted her head from the child in her arms to meet her eyes. "Lex … I am so sorry."