Title: Fire & Desire
Author: OCDdegrassi
Pairing: Regulus/Barty
Rating: T
Warning: Angst, Pining, Mentions of Self-Harm, Slash, Insecurities
Note: Written for DobbyRocksSocks for the April's Monthly One-Shot Exchange. Prompts Used: Regulus/Barty, Angst with a happing (hopeful) ending, Fire, Addiction.
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Fire is the most misunderstood element. People think that it represents destruction and pain, but Barty knows better. Fire also represents passion and life. Barty has always been fascinated with the idea of phoenixes being consumed by fire, and then reborn from the ash. It's similar to the way old forests get burned down only to have new trees grow in their place. Fire gets a bad name when it shouldn't.
Regulus Black reminds Barty of fire. He sees the Marauders sneer in the Slytherin boy's direction, the other Gryffindors taking this as a cue to knock into him as they pass in the hall. The entire house (and consequently, much of the other two houses as well) talk about Sirius' little brother as if he were the villain in their story. He is no doubt the dutiful son to his parents, studying the Dark Arts and idolizing the pureblood supremacy that is forced down his throat, but his is also so much more than that.
He is smart and reserved, hiding behind a façade of indifference when he actually feels far too much. Barty remembers the first time he saw behind the mask. He was having yet another bout of insomnia and decided to walk around the grounds to get some fresh air when he saw a figure, cloaked by darkness, zooming around the sky above the Great Lake. Barty had squinted his eyes to see who else seemed to suffer from lack of sleep, but he hadn't been successful in identifying the other person until they landed on the grass.
The moon lit up Regulus' face, a relaxed and carefree smile overtaking it, as his eyes danced with joy, and Barty's heart skipped a beat as he sucked in a sharp breath. Regulus looked like an entirely different person when he smiled. He was always handsome, of course, but his smile seemed to light up his entire face. He was bloody gorgeous. Barty bit his lip, running back to his common room before Regulus spotted him.
After that, Barty couldn't stop watching the other boy, and the more he saw, the more addicted he became. Barty wasn't some hopeless romantic, and he generally didn't believe in happily ever after, but Regulus was the closest thing to a Prince Charming that he could ever imagine. The other boy was surprising expressive, as long as you knew what to look for.
Barty soon learned that Regulus chewed on his bottom lip when he was thinking, and he tapped his foot when he was feeling restless. His eyes lit up when he was happy, even when his face remained stoic, and this always happened when there was chocolate pudding at dinner. Barty knew that Regulus enjoyed Transfigurations, but he hated Arithmancy. He liked reading the classics, but he had never once (since Barty had been watching him) read a book with any sort of romance involved what-so-ever.
Barty also knew that Regulus was starved for attention, lapping it up like an overeager puppy whenever it was given (usually by his professors). Barty may not be a fan of reading or Transfigurations, but this was one thing that he could relate to. His own father only ever paid attention to him when he was berating him for one of his many flaws. He was never smart enough or athletic enough or well-behaved enough. He was lacking in every way to his father, and he hated him for it. His resentment ate away at his insides until he wanted to scream, and he wondered if Regulus felt the same way.
On the outside, their situations were rather different. Where Barty rebelled against his father at every turn, Regulus was the "good son." He did exactly what his parents wanted, yet he would never compare to Sirius; their firstborn on which they had placed all of their hopes and dreams to carry out the family traditions. Even when Sirius had chosen to abandon his family, Regulus was still an afterthought; a consolation prize. Barty had a feeling that Regulus was well aware of this fact, and it made the other boy furious, because Regulus deserved better than that.
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Winter break arrived quickly, and Barty found himself among the small group of students that stayed behind at the castle; the rejects who had no one that loved them at home. Regulus was there too, and Barty wondered if it was by choice.
It was late, and the castle was quiet as Barty stared into the fire roaring in the Great Hall. The flames seemed to dance before his eyes, looking warm and inviting, and he slowly reached out to touch them. He hardly cared if he got burned. He liked the pain; the stinging that seemed to stay on his skin long after the burn. It reminded him that he was still alive.
"So you like playing with fire?" Barty's head snapped towards the familiar voice, his heart racing when he saw Regulus' amused and curious expression. He swallowed, pulling his hand back towards his body as the other boy sat down beside him.
"I've always found fire to be beautiful," he admitted, and Regulus let a small smile tug at his lips.
"Beautiful and dangerous," he responded lightly, and Barty shrugged.
"The same way I prefer my lovers," he responded, flashing Regulus what he hoped was a charming grin. He silently applauded himself for sounding so calm when he was inwardly having a panic attack. This was the first real conversation that he had ever had with Regulus, and he while he didn't want to pass up what may possibly be his only chance, he also didn't want to scare the Slytherin away. Regulus' eyes widened slightly before they narrowed suspiciously.
"I've seen you watching me," he confessed quietly, his voice betraying the confusion that he was trying to hide, and Barty swallowed over the lump in his throat. It was now or never.
"I like watching you. You're fascinating," he admitted, and Regulus blinked in surprise. His mouth opened and shut for a moment before turning into a frown.
"Fascinating like some animal you study?" He seemed upset, and while he was trying to cover it with annoyance, he was failing miserably. Barty felt sick that he would even think something like that.
"No, not at all. Fascinating like a person that I would like to spend time with," he answered genuinely. Regulus seemed surprised at the admission. He looked away from Barty and towards the fire, chewing on his bottom lip. He was thinking, and Barty seriously hoped that he was thinking about giving him a chance.
Regulus finally looked at him again with an uncertainty and skepticism in his eyes that made Barty's heart ache. Regulus had no idea how special he was, and Barty wanted to punch everyone that ever made this perfect person feel like he wasn't good enough.
"Do you like flying?" Barty blinked at the question, nodding mutely and wondering where this was going.
"I usually fly at night, near the Great Lake," Regulus continued, and Barty was tempted to say that he knew, but he held his tongue.
"I like how quiet it is when everyone is asleep. It's peaceful." He paused, looking at Barty and chewing on his lip again.
"You could come with me sometime, if you wanted." He said the words quietly, as if he was half tempted to take them back, and Barty felt his heart racing.
"Yea, I'd like that," he responded just as quietly. He throat suddenly felt dry, and he was glad that his voice hadn't cracked. Regulus gave him a small, hesitant smile, and Barty vowed then and there to make Regulus see how remarkable he was until he never doubted himself again.
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As they flew across the night sky, wind whipping against their faces and the moon casting a beautiful glow on the lake, Barty couldn't keep his eyes off his companion. Regulus was so relaxed and happy, shooting Barty the occasional grin that made his heart do flips. The other boy was almost glowing.
Barty had a feeling that he was already in too deep, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He would gladly be engulfed by Regulus' flames. The other boy already consumed most of his thoughts, and he realized that it probably wasn't healthy to be so addicted to another person. It left him open to being rejected and heartbroken, and if there was one thing that Barty's father ever taught him, it was to never let yourself be vulnerable.
Yet when Regulus laughed beside him - the first time Barty had ever heard him laugh - he felt his heart seize up in his chest, and he found that he didn't mind having this addiction. He was certain that Regulus was worth any pain that may come. For Regulus, Barty would walk through any fire.
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A/N: Reviews are always appreciated!