Hello again. I would like to thank for the lovely review. I love Nate, he is such a great character to write, and he see so much more than he lets on, or at least he does in my mind.
So this chapter is a summation of the last few episodes of season 1. It more about everyone's feelings rather than anything else. The next chapter will pick up at the beginning of season 2. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.
It took a couple of weeks before Sam started to notice a decided difference in his partner. Noticed he had become even more reserved. That and the fact that he had pretty much voided the warranty of every single piece of electrical equipment he had in his house. He had no idea what was going on with G, but he wanted it to stop. They were back to their team of three. And while sure he was worried about Dom, he had put it to the back burner and got on with his work. Hetty hadn't tried to give them another team member, which was probably good after the Deeks thing. They would find Dom and they would be back to how they had been when Callen came back from being shot… if only his partner would tell him what was wrong so he could fix it. He had learnt early on not to mention Deeks around G, and had made sure Kensi got the memo. He didn't understand why his partner was so worried for the cop. I mean, he was just a cop. Okay sure, Callen had said he reminded him of him, which made Sam think the guy was more than likely to go off the reservation to solve a case. But he was sure he was fine, and if truth be told Sam was pleased he wasn't around.
Of course that all this changed when he had to watch Dom bleed out under his hands and his mind turned in on itself and he didn't have anything to spare for whatever G was going through. He was too busy blaming himself for the younger man's death. The 'if onlys' haunted him night and day, and while he refused to show it at work, he knew G knew. He was therefore surprised to find that his partner came out of himself then, gave him what he needed to get through it. Be that a convoluted story with the moral being that it wasn't his fault, or work to keep his mind from it. G always knew exactly what he needed at any given time to bring him out of his mind. It made Sam see even more how much he didn't know his partner. Because he hadn't been able to do that for G.
Callen on the other hand tried to bury himself in work, in doing things so that he never gave his mind time to think. To never let it ask about the possibility that Marty was dead or in danger. But no. He knew if Marty had died LAPD would tell them, so he had to convince himself that he was alright.
He didn't understand it. Their relationship was supposed to be no strings attached, but he couldn't seem to find the off switch for his feelings, and he hated it. It almost came as a relief when Dom died because it gave him something else to concentrate on. Namely Sam's problems. And how callous was that? That the death of a team member came as a relief to his mind. Just what kind of monster was he? The number of times he found himself standing outside of Nate's office with these questions in mind grew, but he never once went in. He couldn't. Because he knew if he did the other man would make him face the thing he was running from so hard in his mind. He didn't know what it was, but he knew he didn't want to face it. He, who had stood in front of guns and withstood torture, couldn't face his own mind. What the hell was wrong with him? Why had Marty managed to affect him this way in such a short amount of time? He had spent his life building his walls, and yet it seemed that one man had manged to crash through them all with a smile. No, he couldn't do this. He couldn't let himself feel any of this.
And so it continued, until Callen found something else to obsess over, namely the grave of his sister and the first possible clues he had about who he really was, or at least who held them.
Nate watched from the side lines as Callen pulled away from everyone. He wanted to help, but he knew if he pushed he would do more harm than good. He knew the number of times the man had come to his office, yet rather than walking in walked away. He didn't know what to do, and was starting to think maybe he couldn't help anyone. Until that was Dom died and he had to guide both Kensi and Sam through it. He saw the change in Callen, at how he suddenly pulled himself together for his partner and he smiled sadly. Hetty had been right when she had teamed them up, they would always have each other's backs.
Hetty on the other had was close to tearing her hair out, or stabbing the chief of police. She was inclined towards the latter preferably, and she would have done it too, if she thought his replacement would be any more helpful. They stone walled her at every turn, and she could find nothing about what Mr Deeks was doing, what danger he was in, or what back up he had. It was enough to drive a woman crazy. Add into the fact she had to watch her boy go into such a decline, shutting himself off from the world, she was not happy. She wanted detective Marty Deeks back on her team, back in her office, and back in Callen's life, and she wanted it now. But nothing she said or did got her any closer to that want. She was failing her boy, and she hated it.
And then Dom died and she knew her failure was complete. She had not saved a man under her protection, she had not protected her boys love. She could not continue doing this. She could not see the evidence of her failures every day. So she resigned. It was the best option, maybe the next operations manager wouldn't get so involved in their agents lives, wouldn't see the pain they went through, she could only hope they had enough sense to do that.
Of course her resignation was not taken well by agent Callen, well, strictly speaking it was taken very well considering he pick-pocketed the director of NCIS to get it, but one look at his face and she knew she couldn't leave him too. Too many people had walked away from him in past, she would not join their ranks, and she would find his man, his love. She would find his Mr Deeks if it was the last thing she did.
Deeks on the other hand was going through hell. He was undercover with a complete sleazeball but he had to stand there and watch and pretend to laugh at his words. It was what he did, and he did it well. But still, there was only so much a guy could take right? So he started to find solace in his weekly meetings with his partner, detective Jess Traynor, they would laugh and talk like humans, and for a little while he felt normal. Or at least he did until one night, after one too many glasses of wine, she made a move on him. He had never stood and crossed a room as quickly as he did then. Because no matter what his mind said, that G would have moved on, that he was nothing to him, he couldn't help but listen to his heart which craved the other man's touch. And only his touch.
"Sorry. I'm umm… it's complicated?" He said to the confused look his partner was giving him. He hoped she didn't take this the wrong way. She was his only connection to who he really was, he didn't want to lose that.
"Don't tell me you have a girlfriend Marty, because I know you don't." Jess replied with a smile. Though inside she was hurting that he was rejecting her. What was it he didn't like? He was the most amazing man she had ever met. He understood her as no one else did, and she wanted more.
"No, but there is… someone." Deeks responded trying to think of a way to describe him and G and finding that it was impossible. He didn't even understand it himself, let alone explain it to someone else. All he knew was that there was no way he could ever betray him, he could never be with someone else when the possibility of him and G still hung in the air.
"Someone else? Come on Marty, what the hell does that mean?" Jess asked with a scoff at his wording. I mean seriously, he was an undercover cop, he didn't have anyone. It was the first rule in that line of business.
"It means I'm in love." Deeks replied without thought. It was a question as to who was more shocked by his words, the woman on the couch or him for finally saying out loud what his heart had been screaming at him for so long. He was in love? Did he really love G? Yes. Whoa, that was… no. He just couldn't… but he did. This was far too much for his mind to take, as such he pulled the glass from Jess' hand and downed the contents quickly, before filling it up again from the bottle on the table and downing that as well.
Jess Traynor watched Marty mainline wine with a smile. It seemed he hadn't even realised his feeling for the luckily girl, whoever she was. But now he did, she just hoped she was able to get him back to her so he could tell her.
"Tell me about her?" Jess said when Marty stopped drinking and instead sank into a chair, still staring into space with his mouth open as if he still couldn't get his head around the words he had spoken.
"He, not she." Deeks muttered abstractly as he tried to work out when it had happened. When he had opened his heart to G. I mean he barely knew the guy, hell he didn't even know his first name, how could he love him?
"Then tell me about him." Jess replied with enough emphasis to pull Deeks eyes away from random space and onto her face… and looking at her he saw a friend, one who didn't know Callen, didn't work with him, and one, therefore, it didn't matter if he talked to. So talk he did, though he didn't use names or any details, but still he talked. Trying to make sense of the feeling and thoughts in his mind.
It was a lot later that night, when Jess had gone to sleep that he stood at her window and finally found peace inside himself. He loved G. He knew nothing about him other than he was one of the good guys, and yet, he still loved him. There was something about the man which made him want to hold him close and never let go. Something which called to his heart, telling him that together they could both find what they were looking for, whatever that was. He had accepted it, and it made him even more determined to finish this case so he could return to him. Get back to him and see if there was any way he could persuade him to feel the same. He had to try, because he loved him, and he would not let him go without a fight.