An analysis from afar

by Whavey

We had it all, we thought... It was shortly after my promotion when my feelings popped up. It was her that made me feel reborn, warm, safe and most of all, alive. In a period where homophobia was a thing, I wanted her more than I wanted anything. But was the team going to suffer too? (repost from my Wattpad story An Analysis From Afar, account name also Whavey)

7. Chapter 5

Lizzy

It was week 6, and we were 2nd place at this moment. Our victory is not going unnoticed and even NA players were talking about our chances at getting to worlds. We had an amazing split but we knew that the international stage was too huge for us. I was at this moment in the scrimroom and it was early in the morning. I started up my pc to check some mail and saw to my surprise it was 5am. I just proceeded to check mail, respond to some offers and then fall asleep on my keyboard.

The truth is, because we are doing so ridiculously well, there has been a huge weight on me. We turned the garage into two extra bedrooms so we could have Freyja and Seika living here, people were expecting me to show what I could do and I had to deal with my feelings and emotions. Scrims were going terrible and I felt exhausted. I barely could fall asleep at night and when I did, I woke up even more tired than I was. Sabine wanted to have everyone's focus on me so they could shock with Aidan and Ezra. It was a great idea, minus the fact that everyone had their eye on me too. My ganks became less successful, my plans were always prevailed and also communication had been less. There had been some tension between Ezra and Erik for the last few days and I was left to deal with them. I really felt ill, tired and done. I was ready to sell the spot and do something else. League of Legends is my favourite game, but there was just too much pressure on me. And then the thing with Eefje "Sjokz" Depoortere. I loved her and I knew what was up. I heard her talk about a her before I left, and since I was the only girl at that analyst desk that day, it had to be me. When I couldn't fall asleep, I would try to imagine a world with the two of us dating, but I always knew it wouldn't happen. Too much pressure from the fans who absolutely wanted to date us instead of Eefje and me dating. It was just too much pressure on me to handle.

I suddenly feel movement. "She is running a slight fever." I hear Oliver say as a hand is placed on my forehead. "Is it because of the pressure?" I hear a soft female voice ask and I feel the hand going off my forehead. "Let's just cancel scrims and het her in bed. I think that is the best for now. It is just Monday so we can scrim and stuff later." Oliver says softly and suddenly Erik's voice chimes in. "That isn't going to work. Sabine, I know you depend on her but turn down the pressure. Last night she went to bed at 2am because she was training on her Elise because you needed her to master that champion, while she sucks at her. Oliver just said he saw her when he went down at 5.30am to go to the gym, and she was asleep again. That means she barely slept." He sneers at Sabine. Aidan joins in. "She was awake at 4am, because Seika told her to go through business inquiries that she left to Seika because you let her train too hard. Her fans are complaining because she rarely has time." Aidan says in full attack mode. Suddenly I am lifted by two strong arms. "I will take her to bed and then we discuss this." Ezra says from above me and I feel him moving. I fall asleep again soon.

I wake up with an enormous headache and yawn. I sit up and see some painkillers and water on my bed stand. I take it and lay down, looking outside my window. Suddenly the door opens and Oliver walks in. "Lizzy?" He asks and I turn to him. "Hello Oliver." I murmur softly. He sits on my bed and pets my head. "How are you feeling?" He asks and I smile weakly. "I think I can join in the scrims." I say softly and he lets out a sigh. "The team cancelled scrims as anger to Sabine who forces all kind of actions on you. She kind of locked herself up in her room with her laptop and Netflix. So we wait for you to get well, and tomorrow the scrims will continue." He tells me and I get up. "I have to apologize to Sabine. It is all my fault, they are angry with her because of me." I say but Oliver presses me back. "No Lizzy, she got it on herself. She forced you to overextend. We probably suspend her for this week, depending on what Seika and I decide." He says and I nod, laying down. "Want something to eat?" he asks and I nod. He leaves and returns with tomato soup and hands it to me. I eat it and thank him. He presses me a sleepingpill in my hand. "Sleep well Lizzy." He says and I take the pill, falling asleep not much later.

The next morning I awake with a exploded twitter mentionbox. Sabine has been suspended for this week for putting health of players in jeopardy for no important reason. Everyone hinted towards my sudden change of playstyle in the LCS, where everyone knew how to prevent from getting ganked as the reason that she was suspended. People apparently did notice the kilos of make up on my face. We were in the scrimming room talking through stuff when suddenly I got a call. "Why is Eefje calling me?" I wonder aloud and Erik winks at me secretly. I pick it up and I am met by her voice. "Hey Lizzy." She says and I smile. "Hello Eefje, whats up?" I ask, and I hear her laugh at something. "Oh sorry Trevor just said something funny but we wanted to create another DRIVE video, well actually the makers of all the programs wanted it, but I was wondering if you were free this weekend to record it?" She asks and I look at Oliver. "One second Eefje." I say and put the hand over the phone mic. "Do I have anything to attend this weekend?" I ask Oliver and he looks in the Agenda. "Sunday night you have a skype call with the Overwatch staff, but the rest you are free." He says and I nod. I turn back to the phone. "I can come Saturday." I say and Eefje hums. "The producers just nodded yes, so Saturday at 11am?" She asks and I respond with a simple yes. We close the call and I smile. "Guys, I just got asked for a new DRIVE clip." I say and they all smile. "That is actually super awesome!" Oliver says and I nod. We talk about it for a while before returning to scrimming.

Next Thursday we are backstage for the game against H2k. I am the only one in the private room perfecting drafts when suddenly a gentle knock is heard. I turn around and I am met by Rekkles from Fnatic. "Hey." He says as he stands in the door and I smile. "Hey." I say back and he smirks. "Kind of awkward." He murmurs and I laugh. "What is it Martin?" I ask and he looks at me. "The pros want to invite DMF to Gin Chilla, a bar where a lot of us hang out. ButtMuppet and Ezzieboy told me to ask you." He says and I sigh. "You know what Martin? I join in too." I say and I see the surprise in his eyes. "But ButtMuppet said you never went out." He says and I smile. "I don't, but even the most dull person needs to relieve some stress." I say and he smiles. "Need someone to talk to? You just don't seem like the stressed kind of person." He says and I just shrug. "There is just a lot of pressure on me and to be honest, I have been under achieving, I just can't stop playing it to get better. Also the stuff happening in our gaming house forcing me to be in lead 24/7, is also not that good for sleep. I just really feel for Sjokz and her insomnia." I say and he nods. "Know the feeling. Last split, with Bora not there and I having to be the captain, there is just so much focus on you, and everyone expects you to play better that you can. It is stressing. I spend hours just trying to calm down and try to sleep. Then with all tension that can come up within the teamhouse, man I am so not good for that job. Luckily Bora is back and it is all cool again." He says and I smile. "Yeah it isn't here. Constant tension, all gameplay has to be focussed on one player instead on 2 or three, we are actually not that great playing at this moment and people expect us to end in the top 5." I say and he pulls me in a hug. "Just take some sleeping pills and then relax. You will do fine today." He says and I smile. "You good luck against Origin today." I say and he smiles. "I hate first games." He says and I smile. "Know the feeling. Are you a post lobby today?" I ask and he nods. "Then good luck." I say and he leaves. I turn back to the notebook to perfect the draft. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. I close the notebook and turn to the hand. It is Ezra. "We need you to eat something too Lizzy." He says and I smile. "I am okay Ezra, I just need to perfect this on points and tactics." I say and he nods. "I guess I can't convince you." He says and I smile. "Tell the team to be here in 15 minutes." I say as he leaves.

15 minutes later I am finishing some wardspots on the rift print we had when the guys walk in and close the door. "Ezra said you made some changes." Joe says and I nod. They stand around me and I talk them through. "Against H2k we need to play as safe as possible. In our original plan we barely had any wards on the points where we can choke them. Baron has to be perma warded after 25 minutes and we have to create a chokepoint around our blue or red. Also we are gonna run two sightstones. Erik and I will build that in. Also on the draft idea we had with a lot of CC, I changed it a little. Ezra needs either a Azir or Viktor to make the current idea running, but I think a Lissandra will work too. Especially if Joe or I get Olaf. We just can run to the backlines and drag the squishy champions down. Erik and Aidan need the tank there to peel Aidan away when needed. I recommend Braum because of the knockup. Any ADC that has dashes or an ability to escape over a wall is welcome. So a Vayne, or Lucian, is perfect in this comp." I explain and they look at me. "What about Jungle?" I hear Joe ask and I smile. "I think this is where we have to consider me playing Ekko to be honest. Either Ekko or Olaf. Because if we get Joe a Shen and I get Olaf, we have global pressure and teamfights. If Joe gets Olaf and I have Ekko, we have a lot more flank potential." I explain and Oliver looks. "I think Shen and Olaf is better. First game we have red side, which means we can lock Shen and Olaf down for you." Oliver says and I nod. "Agreed, but we also need them to feel safe. I suggest Olaf and Braum first pick, instead of Shen. If they leave it open, we take it." I explain and they nod. "One last thing, positioning. Erik and I will be frontline with a possibility for Joe to join in. Ezra and Aidan need to stay behind otherwise they will be caught out." I say and they nod. Oliver smiles and pulls me in a hug. "You should consider a role as coach as soon as you retire, you seem pretty alert on teamcomps." He says and I smile. I look at the screen and see the Fnatic guys in game. "We are gonna kick H2k back home." I hiss with a smirk and Erik jumps on my back. I smile as he whispers in my ear: "And win Eefje for yourself." I blush a deep red and they all laugh. "What did you tell her Erik?" Ezra asks and he smiles. "That she is gonna win Rekkles over." He lies and they all laugh. I swallow and look at the screen, nervous for the match.