An analysis from afar

by Whavey

We had it all, we thought... It was shortly after my promotion when my feelings popped up. It was her that made me feel reborn, warm, safe and most of all, alive. In a period where homophobia was a thing, I wanted her more than I wanted anything. But was the team going to suffer too? (repost from my Wattpad story An Analysis From Afar, account name also Whavey)

12. Chapter 10

(everything cursive is said in Dutch)

Lizzie

As we sat there, gaming, playing soloqueue and being awesome, something kept feeling off to me. Around 1pm Eefje had to leave and I got these strange looks by Oliver and Erik. I logged into my main account and started to scroll through my champs when suddenly Oliver handed me his phone. "Deilor." He mouths and I nod as I take the phone. "With Lizzie." I pick up and I hear his Spanish accent as he says: "Hello Lizzie." I smile and close my window. "Anything I can do for you?" I ask and it becomes silent. "Actually there is. Martin told me that you were looking for a second coach for tactical stuff." Louis says and I smile. "Yeah we are. We are looking for someone more tactical and who is able to see mistakes we make in game easily." I explain and Louis hums. "I would be interested." He says and I smile. "Do you have time next week?" I ask and he is silent for a few seconds. "I can come Monday?" he tells me and I look in our agenda. "Be here around 3pm, then we will be done with our scrims against Vitaly." I tell him. "Sure I will be there." He says as I write it down in the agenda. "Great, I'll see you Monday." I tell him and he bids farewell before closing off the call. "Deilor just applied for the role we created for him." I say and they all cheer. "Amazing!" Sabine cries out happily, as I look on the clock. "We leave in 10." I say and run to the bathroom to grab my make-up bag. I grab my backpack and stuff my bottle of water and mousepad in it. Sabine appears behind me. "Calm down Lizzie, you'll do just fine. We'll just let you play your Quinn and everything will be fine." She tells me and I bite my lip. "I dunno Sabine, I will only play this week, and then a game per play-offs spot." I say and she looks at me. "And with you carrying us we'll go to Krakow." She tells me and I look at her. She pulls me in a tight hug and I relax. "Thanks I needed that." I say as she lets me go. The happy smile shows. "And soon we'll have a huge team to help you." She says and I nod.

Once we enter and put our stuff in our teamroom, we all split up. Sabine runs off towards Origin, Freyja towards Fnatic and the boys to the cafeteria. I wander through the hallways, sometimes stopping to watch a game when I walk past xPeke and Cyanide. I smile and give them a small wave as xPeke signals to come closer. "This Lauri, is your successor for best jungler in EU, only to be downgraded by her own team." xPeke introduces me and I blush. "Well they wanted me back, but the truth had been spoken so I decided to leave." I say and offer Lauri my hand. "Lizzie Janssen" I introduce myself and Lauri shakes my hand. "Lauri Happonen." He introduces before turning to xPeke. "Enrique, you didn't tell me you knew her personally." Lauri says and I smile. "Lauri you spend long enough in the LCS scene to know that everyone knows everyone." xPeke answers and I smile. "We are heading out to the cafeteria to eat something, wanna come?" Peke asks and I look at them. "I mean if you wouldn't mind." I say hesitating a little. Lauri nods and drags me towards the cafeteria. I follow them and smile as we sit down with pasta in a silent corner. I look around and see everyone drinking sodas and eating junkfood and I turn to the guys. "If you want to eat something less healthy, don't be bothered by me." I tell them and they laugh. "No we wanted to. You are legit the only one eating healthy here and we wanna join you. Believe me Lizzie, on the rift we are opponents, but outside we are friends. And I think it is great that you don't eat that much junkfood and sodas, but healthy." He says as he sips on his tea. I smile and start eating, constantly looking at the guys who are sitting with Fnatic. "What's up?" Lauri suddenly asks and I sigh. "Just some things that happened after I got kicked out of the team that hit hard." I say and they look at me. "One night stand." I explain and they nods. "And?" Peke asks and I shrug. "I dunno. I am just scared Rekkles starts talking." I say and Peke looks at me "He isn't the one for, to do one night stands." He and Lauri say softly at the same time. "Neither am I. In fact it was my first time ever, but still something feels off about how they talk there." I say and they suddenly look at each other. "It's nothing." Lauri tells me and I nod, looking at the guys. Suddenly I look at the time and quickly finish my pasta. "I will see you on the Rift Enrique. I am going to the make-up now." I say, giving them a quick hug before sprinting off to make-up. I decide to go heavy and grab my favourite lipstick, Instigator, and put it on before applying my smokey eye. After that I walk to the team room and see half of the team sitting. As I enter it falls silent and I take a seat reluctantly. Sabine goes through last minute strats and my mind wanders off. As I look at the calendar, I suddenly realise it is July 30th, and that tomorrow is my birthday. Usually my friends wouldn't shut up about it, but now they have been so silent about it, and I had so much stress, that I forgot it.

Not much after our small gathering, we are being checked and handed our keyboard and mouse. I walk on stage and wave at the crowd as we settle in. I sit silently as my stuff is set up the quickest and look at the little heart that I drew on my mousepad. I smile as the fans are cheering my name and I as I grab the headset, I hear something that makes me smile inside. "And now we have FeedMe back on jungle, and I really think that her shotcalling is something DMF missed last game, and I think it is very good for not only her or us, but everyone that she is back on the rift." Pulse says as I put on my headset. I blush. Ezra is the only one on our teamspeak as I enter. "Shall we sing Tele-romeo for them?" Ezra asks as I enter and I look at him. "YES" I scream and we wait until they connect. Once they are all three connected, Ezra and I start singing a song, that was massive in my youth. "Who is on the line, hello hello, where are you and why do I long for you, hello hello, my teleromeo" Ezra starts and suddenly I decide to go ham and sing the bridge. "Before you gave me your number, it was all over. Thunder disconnected the call. I was alone, full of questions and pain." I followed up and Ezra smiled. "If I need to, I will search and call every number out of that book. One day it is you, and I hear how you say. Who is on the line, hello hello? where are you and why do I long for you, hello hello…" before Erik shuts us off. "STOOPID DUTCHMAN SHUT UP!" He screams over the mic and I and Ezra start laughing so hard. It is about that moment we enter champ select and everyone focusses. I am tense, nervous, but the calming voices and words of encouragement, are the only reason I don't run and leave them be.

The games went ridiculously great. I got Quinn first game and immediately settled for a camp on bot. xPeke and Hybrid were barely a match for whenever I flew into lane. Not much later, Aidan, who was playing Vayne, was so fed that Erik's Lulu could roam and help Ezra's even lane with Power of Evil. Joe was just deleting Soaz and Amazing never made it in time to defend any of the laners. Game 1 ended in less than 22 minutes and I smiled as we walked backstage. Game 2, was harder. After they focussed their bans on me, instalocked my Eve for Amazing, I was left with little choice. We decided, since we were red side this game, to let my jungle pick open. Suddenly I saw one mistake in their teamcomp. "Guys, they have no tank/bruiser." I say, turning to Sabine. She looks at me. "Who do you suggest?" She asks me and I bite my lip. "Let's pick a soloqueue strategy here, and let me make Sky Williams proud." I say and she looks at me. "With Erik on Tahm, I think Morgana is responsible enough to try." She says and I nod. Erik locks Morgana in and immediately the crowd goes buzzing. I trade with Erik and select my favourite skin, Victorious, and wait until we load in. It is a clownfiesta from both sides. Where Joe was owning Soaz early game, he was losing lane, Mid was winning and bot kept even. We all knew we needed to win a teamfight.

But then something happened, what we all thought would mean doom. Origin 4v5'd us, thinking I was saving bot. I sadly for them, came from behind and started chunking down their carries. Aidan threw his Jinx rocket out to take down their tanks quicker and we strangely enough won that teamfight. We backed, did Baron, had another good teamfight and at 38 minutes we closed it out. I smiled as we took down the nexus, rose from my chair, shook Origin's hands, when the boys lift me in the air. "That was brilliant." Erik screamed as the casters were laughing at the scene with the fans. We quickly looked at the stats before we headed backstage. But right before I would leave stage, a rioter came up to me. "Quickshot wants to interview you." He says and I nod, following the guy to Quickshot. I gave Trevor a quick hug while he smiled. "Well played." He says and I nod. "Thanks." I say as I see the camera walking to us.

That night I drop on my bed, dead to my feet but at the same time satisfied. I stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up, all alone. From the noises I hear and the light outside, I can tell that really everyone forgot my birthday. I open my phone and see some fans wishing me a happy birthday. I dress up in my favourite hoodie and yoga pants and walk outside. Everyone is gaming, Ezra is streaming, Oliver isn't even here, and I look around. "I am going out." I say while I grab my wallet and headset and plug it into my phone. I walk outside and start running around the block. I bite my lip as I realise what it means that they forgot my birthday, I don't matter to them anymore.

The complete day I am silent, I mind my own stuff, blasting Pity Party through the house in the little hope it makes them remember. After we leave for the LCS for the last game of the split, I gave up. I went backstage, at a piece of the Dutch farmers cake they made and held my own little party. Everyone seemed to avoid me today, and for the first time today I didn't mind. I went in the make-up room back to my Goth days and went heavy on the eyebrows, eyes, contour and lips. I put on my tight gameshirt, my skater skirt finished my look. I put on heels and suddenly there was the old me. I look at myself with a happy smile as I see how the black lipstick that complements my dark hair. I walk to the team room and drop down. My 1,80 appearance makes me already huge, but with my 9cm heels, I am suddenly the longest in the room. People are scared shitless when I walk past them, and even on stage, the gossiping is real. I sit behind my pc and smile inwardly. To myself I think: 'This is for forgetting my birthday.' As I load in.

We win against Roccat, no big surprise there, and I walk to the back as Ezra and Aidan are selected for the interview. I grab my stuff and walk up to Oliver. "I will be back soon, I am going clubbing." I say and turn, but Oliver stops me. "There is a Riot party, we are obliged to come." He says and I look at him. "Okay, I guess." I say and he nods as he makes room for me. I sit down on the chair and look out of the window. "What's bothering you?" He asks and I turn to him. "Just betrayal." I say and I see him tense up. I sit down near the window and stare outside. After a couple of hours, a rioter comes to get us. We are brought to the shuttle and I step inside. We are brought to a bar and I follow in. As they open the doors, I gasp for a breath. Everywhere, but then I mean EVERYWHERE, is party decoration, and in the middle of it all, a sheet is put up with "Happy Birthday Lizzie!" I gasp and start crying out of joy!