An analysis from afar

by Whavey

We had it all, we thought... It was shortly after my promotion when my feelings popped up. It was her that made me feel reborn, warm, safe and most of all, alive. In a period where homophobia was a thing, I wanted her more than I wanted anything. But was the team going to suffer too? (repost from my Wattpad story An Analysis From Afar, account name also Whavey)

19. Chapter 17

Liz

The group's tension could've killed someone. "It all started back in Berlin." I say softly and grab Eefje's hand, seeking comfort. I was alone and scared, fearing that the only feelings felt were from me. It started rough but we ended up together not too long after. Worlds and bootcamp have ensured that we couldn't spend any time together and most of our moments were brief and rushed. Last night was the longest time we spend together and we just fell asleep and forgot all about time." I say softly and Eefje lets go of my hand and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "It is no secret that I have always been secretive about who I date and who I have dated, and while David and Mitch were more flings than actually dates, I have never felt anything this real with them. I still have to come to terms with being bi, but I know enough to know Liz means the world to me." She says and looks me in the eyes. "She is my everything, and always there for me. When I am feeling down or happy, she is just a text away." She says and I smile and hug her tightly. Ezra rises with Erik. "If we are playing open and honest, we should be too." Ezra says and Erik nods. "We have been dating as well, and knew of Eefje and Lizzie." Erik adds and I look at them. "Guys, you shouldn't have done that." I say softly and Ezra sighs. "Li-…" He starts but Oliver shuts him down. "I think we should apologize." He says softly and Eefje, Ezra, Erik and I look up in shock. "If you felt like you should hide this from us, we have failed you, and not just you Liz and Eefje, but you too Ezra and Erik. I know I want you to live healthy and undistracted from your job, but you three have been happier since we got here in the States and some of the pressure from bootcamp was taken off of you. And who are we to stand in the way of your happiness? We are not Korean teams who forbid romance. We are European and openminded. If this makes you happy, then it makes us happy." He says and Sabine steps forward. "It is true, you have been playing better in the last week and that has continued into this week. If this is what makes you both happy and play better, I think it is the best thing that could've happened to us. Same for you and Erik, Ezra. You two have a synergy made in heaven, and that is something that has only grown over the last few months. If it makes you happy, then we are happy." She says and walks to me, giving me a tight hug after Eefje has released me. "I love you for who you are and you know that. Don't hide this from anyone, you deserve to be out and happy." She says softly in the hug and I nod, a small tear falling. Eefje looks at us. "I still have an hour to go before I have to leave for the studio, and I honestly want a good breakfast right now, so let's go out together." She proposes and everyone jumps up and goes to grab their stuff. "I'm going to get a quick change. If you need anything, just ask one of the guys." I say and give her a quick peck on the lips and she nods. "Can I borrow a jacket of yours?" She asks before I go through my door and I nod, blowing her a quick kiss and change into fresh jeans, a tee with Pusheen on it, grab my purse with all my stuff in it and grab both my worlds and summer split team jacket and head out to Eefje, holding up both jackets. She grabs the worlds one and puts it on. "For goodluck." She says with a small kiss on the cheek and I blush.

We go out to a breakfast bar a few blocks away from the hotel and manage to squeeze all of us in relatively large booth, mostly because I sit on Eefje's lap and Ezra on Erik's. We order waffles, pancakes and all the other goodness the American Cuisine offers us and I feed pancake and waffles to Eefje, who just keeps kissing me every time I try and feed her. At one point Luis and Freyja yell at us in Spanish while Oliver just politely ask us to get a room, which earns him a glare from Eefje and a deep blush of mine while I bury my head in the crook of Eefje's neck. The group laughs while Joe rubs soothingly over my back. At one point our conversation turns to coming out and I suddenly stop them. "How are we going to tell the fans?" I ask softly and look at Eefje. "I mean, I am in no rush to tell them, but we do have the disadvantage of being a little bit in the public eye." I say softly and Eefje shrugs. "Wear a rainbow flag on stage and keep it at that. I am sure Riot will clear you for that." She says softly and I look at her. "You sure my love?" I ask softly and she nods. "Some ruling they set up a while ago so the players would be 'comfortable to come out'. A whole lot of training came with the ruling since both me, Mitch and Trevor have to be able to interview you for the whole shenanigans. If you submit your request tonight, chances are that you have the official approval by Sunday, which means you can wear the flags on your game Monday." She says softly and I look at the group, who is unusually quiet. Luis is the first to break that silence. "I think it is an amazing idea. Eefje, do the casters have to speak about it on the air before we walk up with them?" He asks and she shakes her head. "No, we are not even informed about them, so it is all you to just come out and be like 'surprise'. James, Trevor or I will probably jump on your neck after the games to talk about it." She says softly and Oliver and Sabine share a look. "We'll submit as soon as we get to the studios. You three need to design your own plan to come out." Sabine says and I nod.

After that things do quickly. Oliver spends his time making calls and subjecting all kinds of forms while the guys and I scrim. Sabine just keeps watching us while Luis is making strategies. In the brief breaks we have I either call with Eefje, or is she is unavailable, I work out the plan with Ezra and Erik. By the end of the day we have a rough draft of what we want. The following day is a repeat of the day before besides the fact that today we do watch the games. After them Ezra and I run into Chicago to grab some pride flags and work on our project. Sunday is again a repeat of Saturday and Sunday, only this time I am sowing in breaks to get our coming out ready in time. Erik and Ezra try them on and show them to Oliver and Sabine for approval. Ezra decided to go with an added 'cape' to his jersey's sleeve (his name had to be visible so he now just looked like a really gay superhero and he was already showing it off to everyone who wanted to see it), Erik with gloves made of the flag (Because "warm hands are the best hands to play with") while I am working on my train to attach to the jeans I will be wearing. It is the fact that I am able to get it working that gets me excited, since I feel powerful while wearing it. It is probably the feeling of the fabric dragging over the ground and the straight posture you have to have to be able to pull that off.

And then game day came. We all spend the day doing our thing. Erik and I spend the morning duo queuing and the afternoon I spend on the phone with Eefje. She already caught air of who was on the floor for the interviews and it would be her and Jatt. I smiled at the thought and told her I couldn't wait to see her.

We arrived at the studio makeup space in time. Makeup was done and they didn't look too surprised when Ezra, Erik and I asked for a little bit rainbow. Ezra and Erik got rainbow highlighter while they went all-out on me and gave me a relatively neutral eyelook, but rainbow brows and highlighter and did rainbow colours through my hair with washable paint. My lips were painted in a dark purple and the woman smiled. "You look smoking. Good luck today." She whispers and helps me out of the chair. Aidan, Joe, Sabine and Luis decide to get some rainbowhighlighter as well as Ezra, Erik and I get changed into our jerseys extraordinaire. Ezra's cape and my train had glitters all over while Erik's gloves had those little diamonds glued on here and there. We stood together for a moment. "You can back out." I say softly and Ezra smiles. "We won't" He says and I hug him as the group walks in. "Photo for on twitter later?" Sabine asks and I nod. I turn around with Erik and Ezra laughs as he realise we are making the photo from behind, turning too and poses with his hands shaped as a heart behind his head. Erik poses with each hand held up in a peace sign. I strike the same pose as Ezra with a bit more hip into it and Sabine takes the photo. We turn to see it and smile at the picture. "It is perfect." Joe says and I nod, giving him a hug before Aidan comes and hugs me and Erik. Ezra joins in the hug and soon we are all entangled in a grouphug. As we break apart Sabine hands me a rainbow printed fabric with a large C on it. "Luis, Freyja, Oliver, I and the whole team thought it would be nice for you to be officially acknowledged as the teamcaptain." She says and puts the band around my bicep. "We are all ready." She says and I nod. Oliver steps forwards and we all wait for him. "I just want to say we are proud of you. No matter what ANX will do to you, we are proud and you have shown everyone that we are better than the average EU team even though we may not have finished first in the EULCS. I am proud to be your manager and I am proud to see so many different people. Gay, bi or straight, we are there for each other and we will show that to the world." He says, ending his speech with sticking his hand out. We all join and scream: "1, 2, 3, DMF!" before a riot employee ushers us to the entrance. We all squeeze hands and then line up, Joe first, followed by Aidan, Ezra, me and then Erik. "-They will call out your role and then your name, and then you walk." A small girl rambles as we are checked and handed our keyboard and mouse. My mind goes blank after that and I wait for my name to hear. Joe goes out with cheers, followed by Aidan. Then Ezra makes his way out, the cheers grow louder as they catch his cape. Then it is my time. "-Playing the Marksman role, all the way from the Netherlands and Europe's own Queen, it is FEEDME!" I hear and I step out, shoulders straight, into the blinding light as I make my way towards the stage. The crowd is roaring while I barely notice anything but the overly bright lights and the fact that it is louder than usual. Erik comes out and soon we are seated and ready to begin the game. The last thing I hear before putting on my headset is "DMF is showing their pride…" Before the sound is cut off and I am in the call. "That was nerve wracking." Is the first thing I hear when I enter. Ezra is smiling at me and I nod. "I think I left my sanity in the backstage area." I say, my heart feeling like it is down in my belly and I suddenly start laughing with giddiness in my voice. "Let's wreck some Russians." I say with a smirk and log into the tournament game.