If Only
You were my sweet, the love of my life. You were the light that brought me out of my dark cave. We had been in a lot of troubles during our time as just lovers. Our industries were supposed to be rivals but because of us, it was united and our fathers even became the best of friends. But due to this merge, I had to work double because I was managing two companies then. My time with you became scarce but we held on. I made time for you even trying to call you a minute before a meeting. That was how much I loved you.
How could I have changed? I realized my change started after my business trip to China. I met with a blonde European woman there. Even after my business meetings, she met with me. I don't know what was with her, didn't she know that I was a married man. Not to brag our wedding was out worldwide after all. What am I saying? I shouldn't be blaming her, I am the one at fault. I succumbed to her charms. When time passed, my cheating had grown worse. I started making my business trips as an excuse to meet her. She comes to Japan every now and then and we would have dates that I would schedule as business meals so my secretary does not disclose suspicious information.
Surprisingly, I was able to avoid the prying of your best friend, she is a force to reckon with when it comes to investigations. Or maybe she just had me investigated but she never told you. Once, you even visited my office but I was out with my woman. I answered my secretary's call with urgency. I did not know I had such good acting skills. I had actually made you all believe I was with a fellow businessman. My mistress became my girlfriend, whenever I was with her I would take off my ring, so she did not know that I was a married man. Luckily, this woman was dumb enough to not watch the news or read magazines. You were after all like me, a famous icon. I would even laugh at the media's words about how we were the perfect couple. Little do they know that in truth I was an unfaithful and a cold hearted husband that did not care for his wife.
For days, I noticed Ruka and Hotaru always calling you and visiting. How do I know? I hear the maids talking about it after all. I had this meeting coming up out of the country and me and my mistress's anniversary was also due on one of those days that I would be gone. I planned for a vacation for the two of us. And while I was ecstatically preparing for the anniversary, you were experiencing pain. I had actually noticed you going pale by the day. But I just brushed it off saying that it could have been due to you always painting and you lacking sleep. I told you to get some rest, as if showing care when I didn't. For this trip, I would be gone for a month.
I spent so many days there on dates with my mistress. I was blind to her charms. I did not know what she was doing when my back was turned. I learned the hard way when I saw her with a man while I was out on a lunch meeting with my business partners. We were in the middle of a business talk when she and that man entered the restaurant. She was wearing a ring on her finger and so did the man holding her hand. So the bitch was married and I was dumb enough not to know that. Well, to make matters worse, I realized that I was cheating and neglecting my wife who needed me but this woman still had dates with her husband when I could not even check on you sleeping when I came home late at night.
I excused myself from my business partners, stood and went to their table. The look on her face was priceless. I eyed her hand with the ring that was on the table, so did she. When a waiter came to give them their wine, I took it and specifically positioned my hand where she would see my wedding ring. She eyed my hand and her horrified face was a sight to behold. I opened the wine and poured it on her. Her husband was fuming but he was furious after I told him how much of a bitch his wife was and how she was cheating on him with me. I turned my back on them and never took a glance again. I smirked, I never felt so light in my life.
I would be returning the day after tomorrow. I had to get home and apologize to you. I had to spend dates with you to make it up to you. I would tell you everything, no more secrets. That was how we were, right? Even if I had to leave work for a month, for you, I would do it. I looked out the city through my penthouse. I was woken from my reverie when my phone rang. It shocked me to see that the caller ID was my best friend. I picked up, I had a plan and I wanted him to help me out. But his message made me stone cold. It can't be true, right? Just when I decided to change my life, I dropped the call and phoned my secretary. I ordered her to get me a flight this night. I had to catch up to you.
What they way is really true, that a person only sees what's important when it leaves them. I packed my belongings which are not much since I asked my secretary to bring the rest of it and rushed to the airport. Once seated on the plane, I could not sit still, what if I can't make it. I shrugged off those feelings. I have to make it. I had to see you, with your eyes still open. I had to tell you how much I love you. I did not sleep the whole flight which was a bad thing. When the plane landed I rushed outside not caring for the people I bumped into. I rushed out of the airport and I found a familiar vehicle. Ruka was there to pick me up. I approached his car. The door burst open even before I could reach a meter and out came a fuming while …crying…? Imai. She slapped me hard while shouting profanities at me because her best friend was dying. She said something about you not taking the surgery when you actually had a chance. She told me you did not want to be a burden and all this time, you actually knew that I was cheating on you. Ruka held her down and he was the one who told us to hurry or we won't make it.
Ruka drove fast but not past the speed limit. We reached the hospital and when we were outside your room, our parents and family were there. My dad and yours saw me and the look in their eyes were a mix of disappointment and anger. Your dad came first and even at his old age he was able to give me a punch but he gave only one, he said it would hurt you if he did more. My dad came next and smiled disappointingly at me then knocked my head. They told me to hurry. Our moms were busy crying and comforting each other to even bother slapping or doing whatever to me. I know my current appearance could be disheveled, well I think that is an understatement. When I slammed open the door, you looked at my way and gave me distant and sad smile. You were so pale and fragile.
I held your hand and told you to hold on, to stay with me. I was about to tell you I love you when you reached out your hand to touch my face. You smiled sadly and said "You're free, my love." Then you dropped your hand and breathed your last. I screamed in despair as I hugged your dead figure. You were ice cold. You were dead and I could not take it, I fainted.
When I came to, I was wearing a black suit, how did I come to wear this? I realized I was at your burial already. How dead was I? I guess my heart died the moment you did. Even after you were put six feet under the ground and covered, I stayed behind. I was even drenched in the rain.
If only I did not cheat on you. I walked home pondering about the 'If only's' I had. If only I focused my eyes on you. I could have seen your pain. If only…
I stood in front of our house and when I entered I saw Imai with Ruka. She told me to follow her and I did. I know the way she was going. She was going to your studio. She opened the door and told me to look at everything that was in this room. It was filled of paintings of me. There is even a picture on the two of us. But as I got deeper into the paintings, they were now filled with sadness and hurt. You painted me and my mistress when we were at a café. You painted abstracts that mirrored your pain.
There was this section that hit me the most. You painted a picture of a child. But who is that? I stared at it and Imai was the one who answered my confusion. The kid's name was Youichi Hijiri, you had wanted to adopt this orphan boy but you could never find the time to ask me, that was why you were not able to. I immediately asked Imai about the details on this kid and drove to his orphanage. I managed the papers for his adoption. When I got the kid, he was confused but he was a smart boy. He asked my relationship to you and where you were. I replied that I was your husband and I was going to be his father. I did not say anything about you but instead I drove to the cemetery. We approached your grave, he was indifferent but his eyes glimmered in tears.
I told him that you wished to adopt him but couldn't. So now, I would be taking your place. I faced your grave as I said my promise.
"You meant to leave your painting of this boy as a message, right? Then to repent for my wrong against you, let this be my punishment. I will care for and love this boy as my own in your stead. I can never be free now that I had actually hurt the woman who cared for and loved the imperfect me."
I looked at your gravestone, engraved on it:
Mikan Hyuuga
A wife, a friend, a daughter:
Born: 0X/0X/X0X0
Died: 0X/0X/X0X0
"I am sorry and I love you with all my heart, my wife."
Hi i was actually planning to make this as a different oneshot but then you won't notice it immediately so i am posting it as a chapter.
to all the reviewers, thank you very much.
Anilissa - Thanks for your review, I appreciate it very much. Your awaited sequel here on duty. just joking. what do you think?
Lexi1989 - If chapter one was heartbreaking, how about this? haha I'm evil. Nah. Thanks so much by the way.
Amazing - Here is Natsume's side, madam. Hahah. thanks for the review.
FA - Yeah. I cry with you. thanks for reviewing.
- Almost only? how come? what can i do to make you cry? hahah. thanks for your review.
deviedra - Why do you cry every time? Did I understand your review properly? thanks anyway.
Katherine Kalissa Amara - Thank you so much for offering by the way. And your reply in the PM confused me if you were angry or not hahaha. Anyway, here it is.
Actually, I was not thinking of making a sequel or another chapter but even I thought justice should be done. Both sides should be known, Right?
Ja minna~ until the next time.