"Memory Problems"
"Short term memory loss," Bruce said.
"What can we do about it?" Steve asked, glancing at Bucky's slumped shoulders with a heavy heart.
"The interesting thing is that it's only James who has the memory loss. The Winter Soldier's memory is remarkable."
"Ironic," Bucky muttered.
Bruce cleared his throat. "James remembers most things, but it takes awhile for new memories to stick, so it's not the usual form of short term memory loss. That's just the best name I can give it. Because of the serum he was injected with, his brain is constantly healing part of itself, and when he finds a way to remember something it will stay there. But something he's forgotten that he can't get back… stays lost. I'm not saying forever; the human brain is capable of great things. So I asked to speak to the Soldier. He remembers every step he's taken in battle, where every shot went, what everyone else did. He even recalls what James can't."
"You can call me Bucky, y'know."
"…Bucky. What I would suggest, since I'm guessing you don't want to rely on the Winter Soldier all the time…?" Bucky shook his head. "Keep a diary that you can consult. When you're around the mansion you can ask JARVIS to replay something you might've forgotten, but anything which has taken place somewhere he hasn't got eyes, try to write it down so you can remember it later. Maybe check at the end of each day. This could help heal the damage HYDRA did."
Bucky snorted. "Better idea than anything else," he said. "I'll get onto it."
"I'll make sure he doesn't forget," Steve said. "Thanks, Bruce."
"You're welcome, Steve," Bruce said, cleaning his glasses on the edge of his shirt.
"It's like somethin' outta one of those damn soap operas," Bucky said, gingerly getting down from the examination table. "Amnesia, huh?"
"See?" Bruce said. "You remembered that." Bucky glared at him. "Just try not to take any bumps to the head."
"Wasn't plannin' t' go out an' get into trouble. That'd piss Coulson off."
"You can have one of my sketchbooks until I can go out and get a notebook for you," Steve said, hovering at Bucky's side as he ambled to the elevator.
"Notebook? Oh, for a diary. Yeah."
A month later
The Winter Soldier was hard at work against the latest threat – von Doom's newest toys – when there was an explosion. A bunch of cars down one end of the street, close to the Winter Soldier, had been targeted. He tried to ignore the loud voices in his ear, wrenching off the head of another Doombot, when someone – could've been the archer – said that Coulson was down that way. The Winter Soldier recalled seeing their handler nearby, and between shooting down robots he looked around, but he couldn't see the man. He wasn't replying over the comm. units, either.
"I'll find him," he said, kicking a Doombot away as hard as he could. Then he jogged to the affected area, noting that there were no flames around, nothing to suggest that another explosion was imminent. There were some robots around, and a groan in his unit. Or was the groan from nearby?
"Goddamnit," he heard, and that definitely wasn't over the comms. He saw another robot fly away after a shot, and the Winter Soldier ducked around a flaming wreck. It was Coulson, wincing as he continued to shoot down the threats. He looked over when the Winter Soldier walked closer, and smiled. "Cover for me while I reload my taser. Seems more effective than bullets."
The Winter Soldier crouched behind him. "Why won't you respond on the comms?"
"Shit. The blast must've knocked mine out of commission. Explains why no one was replying." He moved one of his legs and hissed. "Okay, that hurts. But there." He clicked his taser cartridge into place. "Ready."
"You're hurt," the Winter Soldier said.
"No kidding," Coulson said, and he looked up from behind the car. He aimed, and fried one of the nearest Doombots. The Winter Soldier remembered what he was supposed to be doing, and stayed with Coulson until the battle was wrapped up. He was able to tell the rest of the Avengers that Coulson was alive, and stood to leave. When Coulson tried to follow, his right leg buckled, and the Winter Soldier caught him, recognising how pale their handler was.
"Someone bring Banner as soon as he's back," the Soldier said, holding Coulson still.
"I'm fine," Coulson muttered. A blatant lie, and the Winter Soldier glared at him.
"No, you're injured," he said. "Walking is obviously impossible for you right now."
"Wow, great bedside manner."
The Winter Soldier frowned, acknowledging that he probably wasn't the best person to be offering comfort. So he closed his eyes and focussed on becoming James Barnes. The fighting was over, and Coulson was in no state for a debrief, so the Winter Soldier was no use to anyone right now. When he opened his eyes again, he looked down at Coulson. With non-battle perspective, he saw the cuts and bruises, the unnatural way Coulson's leg was angled, and blood on the front of his shirt. It wasn't robot blood, and it wasn't Bucky's blood, so it was Phil's.
"You're hurt," he said, hating how his voice shook as he rested his hand over the probable source of the blood. Phil whined softly, and grabbed Bucky's wrist.
"And you're back to Barnes," he said, his voice impressively steady.
"This…" Bucky tore open the front of Phil's shirt and saw shards of metal embedded in the skin. "Oh God, the cars exploded—"
"Only one of them, and it's not deep."
"Get medical now," Bucky snarled into his comm. unit.
"Already on their way," Steve said, sounding breathless. "Hang on. We're coming."
"Phil," Bucky whispered, shifting him in his arms so their handler could lie more comfortably. He noticed a streak of blood on his arm, and touched the back of Phil's head. His hand came away bloody. "Oh shit. Head wound."
"`Splains why I feel dizzy," Phil said. His eyes closed, and Bucky panicked.
"No, no, don't fall asleep," he said, shaking Phil, who grimaced. "You've gotta stay awake. Open your eyes!"
"Myths," Phil said faintly.
"Don't go to sleep!" Bucky held him closer, shaking the man again and hoping that he'd snap out of it. "C'mon, Phil."
"It's okay…"
"It's not!" Bucky leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Please, Phil."
That got his eyes opening wide. Phil stared at him.
"Did you just…?"
"Please, Phil," Bucky repeated. Then he kissed their handler on the lips, lingering for a few seconds.
"Oh," Phil murmured, and Bucky watched in dismay as Phil's eyes fluttered shut again. He wouldn't be roused, and Bucky didn't let go of him until a stretcher arrived.
They all had to be checked out in medical, and Bucky only meant to rest his eyes for a minute. When he opened them, most of the others were gone. He knew that being the Winter Soldier took a lot out of him, and worked out that that must've been the case this time `cause Steve was at the end of the hospital bed, arms crossed, still in uniform.
"What happened?" Bucky asked.
"Victor von Doom," Steve said.
"Ah." Bucky sat up slowly, well aware that sitting up too quickly could make him dizzy, serum or no serum. "We won?"
"Yes."
"Of course." His smile dropped when he looked across the room and saw Phil lying there, with bandages around his torso and padding on the back of his head, as well as a cast on his leg. "What the hell happened to Coulson?"
"We were hoping you could tell us," Steve said. "Shrapnel from the explosion—"
"Explosion?"
"From the cars." Bucky couldn't remember any of this, and said so. Steve sighed, and continued. "Well, there are bruises on his back and his leg's in a bad way, so it looks like he might've been knocked off his feet. Any communications after that weren't recorded, and he hasn't woken up yet."
"An' I'm hardly a reliable witness."
"You will be once you remember," Steve said.
"D'you want the Winter Soldier?"
"You've already been him today. I don't wanna push you."
"You won't," Bucky said. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rubbed his temples. "Okay. I… I know I took some-a the… the robot things down." He tried to catch the fragmented images floating through his mind. "Damn it! Uh… then there was the blast. Pretty near me…" Vehicles. He could see `em… sorta. "I don't remember seein' Ph… Coulson, but you…" Words on the comms. "I think you were tryin'-a talk t' him?"
"We were," Steve said. "You said you'd—"
"Find `im," Bucky said. He nodded, but there was still a big blank. "I think I did."
"You did." They both looked over at Phil, whose rasping voice interrupted them.
"I'll get a nurse," Steve said.
"Got a cord here," Bucky said, and he pressed the button to summon someone. "How ya feelin', Coulson?"
"Remember anything else?" Phil asked.
"Not really. There was blood… I mean, there must've been blood. It's hard to… get hold of anythin' real. All kinda blurry." He grimaced. "I remember feelin' cold, though. Scared you were gonna… die."
"I'm still here," Phil said, and he tried to sit up as Steve offered him water. "Not ice chips? Surprised."
"Maybe I'm not s'posed to," Steve said, holding the cup out of reach. "I'd better wait for a doctor or nurse."
"Hmph." Phil slumped back, and looked over at Bucky again. "You sure you don't remember anything else? At all?"
"I'm tryin'! It's hard—"
"Okay, I'm sorry," Phil said. "I shouldn't be pushing you. It's… some of it's not very clear to me, either."
"You were wounded," Steve said sternly. "I'd be surprised if you remembered with any kind of clarity."
"At least I can't be blamed for getting injured this time."
As they bickered, Bucky knew there was something important he was missing, but damned if he could remember what it was.
Another month later (because they don't have THAT many battles)
The Winter Soldier's memory was exceptional; however, fighting a new supervillain was neither the time nor the place to be thinking over other encounters unless the current baddie had a similar style to a previous foe. It wasn't until after the mission debrief at medical that he wondered why Coulson was so distant. Did the Winter Soldier do something wrong? Was he supposed to make the next move?
"You can go back to James now," Banner told the Winter Soldier.
James. The one with memory loss. Surely he didn't forget…?
Goddamnit.
The Winter Soldier retreated to his room and found his diary. He wrote down what he recalled from the last time Coulson had been injured, when the Winter Soldier… as James had kissed him. The Winter Soldier had no emotions, but he had his memory, and he wasn't giving up this chance. If nothing else, one of them needed to address the matter with Coulson, and James was better suited to the task.
Entry finished, the Winter Soldier remained standing. He couldn't risk falling asleep as he did last time, which no doubt contributed to forgetting what took place. He found the box in his mind where the Winter Soldier lived, and allowed James to take over control again.
"JARVIS, don't let me lie down until I've talked to Ph… Coulson," Bucky said, swaying as he bent over to pick up the notebook. The Winter Soldier had left it open, pen pointing at what he'd freshly written.
"Of course, Sergeant Barnes," JARVIS said. Bucky swiftly read through the latest entry in his journal, and his head spun.
"Christ," he said. "I screwed up. JARVIS, where's—?"
"Mr. Coulson is in the medical ward, speaking to Captain Rogers."
"Thanks." Bucky dropped the notebook and ran to the nearest elevator. It opened before he got there, and he didn't have to press a button as JARVIS took him back to medical. He barely registered the others around him as he barrelled into Phil and shoved him against the wall. He shrugged off Steve's hands and kissed their handler, hoping he wasn't outta line even as his best friend protested.
"Bucky, what the hell are you—?"
"I forgot, I'm sorry, the Soldier told me, I'm so sorry I forgot," he babbled to Phil, who was staring at him. "Damn it, this amnesia thing sucks, and you probably hate me, but since I forgot my first kiss with you I wanted to have one to remember, and I hope to God I don't forget this one because I'll never get another—"
"Shut up," Phil said, and he tilted his head to catch Bucky's lips.
Not sure what sparked this idea. I've read stories where Bucky and the Winter Soldier are like Bruce and the Hulk, but usually Bucky remembers what the Winter Soldier does and vice versa. What if Bucky forgot kissing Phil for the first time, and the Soldier was the one who remembered?
Anyway. Please review!