Disclaimer: I don't own SPN.

So this prompt wraps up the 'April' arc and I really hope that y'all didn't get annoyed at me dragging it out over three prompts. I just didn't like dedicating only one prompt to it and then moving on and pretending that it never happened.

Thanks to masterjediratgrl31, Siriusly loving densi, HinaLuvLuvChan, CaptianAckles, Avalin Rose Ellyot, mollienaturerocks and RangerHorseTug for your reviews :)

113. Sensual

Castiel couldn't believe just how lucky he was to have Dean Winchester as his beloved. Over the past two months, Dean had told him again and again daily that he was not broken and that he was loved and every other sweet, 'chick flick' thing he could think of and, to Castiel's delight, he was starting to believe him! It was a wondrous day indeed when Castiel woke up and when Dean told him that he was beautiful and perfect and not at all broken, he actually believed him!

'I'm not broken,' Castiel forced himself to say every day. 'I'm not broken. I am flawed and imperfect but I am not broken!'

And it worked. Castiel began to even believe himself and, even though the ugly thoughts and memories were still there, he felt that it was easier to overcome them and shove them aside because Dean was right and he was not broken!

But Castiel felt very guilty for inflicting this on Dean. Not only did Dean have to put up with him but they hadn't had sex in months. And while Castiel did miss this, he just couldn't seem to work up the courage to let Dean care for him and take him apart like he used to, only to put him back together. And this just made him feel guiltier because Dean insisted that he could take care of himself and 'that's what right hands are for!' but Castiel knew that Dean missed and craved the physical intimacy that they had shared for over a year.

So that was why, when they were kissing lazily one night and Dean made to pull away, Castiel stopped him.

"Haven't had enough?" Dean smirked. Castiel just smiled and brought Dean back in for a kiss that he injected more and more passion into. Dean eagerly reciprocated but then broke away when Cas took one of Dean's hands and placed it on his groin.

"You – you sure?" Dean panted. "You sure you're ready, Cas?"

"If I'm not ready now then I will never be," Castiel said firmly, bucking his hips into Dean's hand and groaning at the sensation.

"But are you ready to – y'know – go all the way?" Dean said. "Don't feel guilty 'cause of me. I told you that I'm fine to wait however long you need."

"I want it, Dean!" Castiel insisted. Why was Dean holding back? What happened to Dean the sex legend? "I want you! I need you!"

"You're really sure you'd be okay with having a dick in your ass or shoving yours in mine?" Dean said. Castiel felt a brief flicker of doubt and nausea that he quickly quashed but Dean had definitely seen it. "I thought so. Dammit, Cas, we're not doing anything that you're uncomfortable with!"

"But it's not fair that you should suffer, Dean!" Castiel said. "And I need physical intimacy with you! I miss – I miss it when you hold me and touch me and cherish me, Dean. It makes me feel…loved."

Dean smiled fondly and leaned down for a kiss.

"You are loved, angel," he said. "But trust me, if you do something you're not ready for then you'll regret it and then it's just two steps backward. That's not to say we won't do anything physical, though. Just let me take care of you, Cas."

Castiel nodded frantically.

"But first…" Dean propped himself back up, a smirk on his face. "Tell me you're not broken."

Castiel froze. It was one thing to say it to himself but could he say it out loud, and to Dean?

"Say it, Cas. I want to know that I'm helping and that you're getting better."

Castiel took a deep breath.

"I – I'm not broken." His insides lightened and fluttered and he gave Dean a wide, shaky grin. "I'm not broken. I'm not broken, Dean! I'm not!"

Dean laughed and kissed Castiel proudly. Castiel could feel more love than he'd ever felt being poured into the kiss and he giddily kissed Dean back, feeling lighter than ever.

"Good," Dean smiled approvingly. "That's my good angel. Now let me take care of you, Cas. Let me spoil you tonight."

And Castiel was forever grateful that Dean hadn't given in to his pleas because, in retrospect, the former angel knew that he hadn't been ready even then. Dean had well and truly taken care of him; they'd engaged in more kissing that had grown a little more passionate but was still controlled and Castiel even felt comfortable enough to take off their shirts and pants, leaving them in their boxers, and run his hands down Dean's body, drinking in the beautiful sight of his beloved.

"Turn over, Cas," Dean said. Cas immediately did so and he heard Dean rummage around in their bedside table, followed by the snap of a bottle. He frowned. Dean had said that they weren't going to have sex! What was going on? His question was answered when he felt Dean's slick, oily hands begin to knead the muscles of his back and he sighed happily and melted into the bed.

"I bought this the other day," Dean said, massaging Castiel's shoulders. Castiel purred and leaned into the touch, feeling a delicious thrill at the physical intimacy that he hadn't had for months. "Just waiting until you were ready. We're gonna take this slow, Cas, and when you're ready, I'm gonna give you the best, most mind-blowing orgasm ever. Got that?"

"I'll hold you to your word," Castiel said sleepily, never wanting the perfect, sensual feeling of Dean's strong, loving hands to disappear. "I love you, Dean. Thank you for being there for me for the past few months."

"You don't need to thank me," Dean scoffed. "You're my angel. 'S my job."

Castiel smiled to himself, letting his eyes drift closed, and he was nearly asleep by the time Dean had finished massaging him. He felt Dean slip under the covers next to him and carefully adjust him so that the former angel was slightly on top of him, his head laying on Dean's chest. Feeling safer than he had in a long time, Castiel snuggled into Dean and purred softly when firm arms encircled him, allowing him to drift off into a warm, peaceful sleep.