Disclaimer: All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing in her sandbox.

~oooOooo~

Chapter 4 Planes and Plans

EPOV

"Yes, Alice, it's me."

"Yes, I know you've been worried. I'm sorry - I just gave into it. Yes, yes I'm trying. I'm headed there to talk to her right now. I have my ticket and the flight leaves within the hour. Out of Rio. Yes, yes, I know. I WILL call when I get to Houston, Alice. Bye.

Have to stay here.

Promised.

I promised her.

No, no . . . that's not right.

I promised not to leave her

I promised not to hurt her

I promised she would never see me again

No. That promise was part of the lie, part of telling her I didn't want her to come with me, that she was not good for me and she didn't belong in my world. Bullshit, all of it. That girl was my life. That frail little human meant everything to me. Everything. Without her I was nothing at all. I might be an immortal being, nearly indestructible with an eternity in front of me, but that frail little human held my very existence in her hands.

I was hers, irrevocably . . . and I was incapable of changing it . . . even had I wanted to.

I sat in the terminal looking out into the night. I felt as though I was part of the night, like I hadn't seen the sun in so long. I was still cloudy, like I was thinking thru mud, a very uncommon feeling for a vampire.

Most vampires did not try to starve themselves to death.

Most vampires did not fall in love with humans.

Most vampires did not drink animal blood.

I chuckled because I seemed to be thinking in threes, three things I promised, three things I was abnormal in doing, wonder what other "three" thing I would come up with or realize. Huh. I hadn't bought three shirts at the store a little while ago, I had only bought one. If you added the shirt, pants and shoes maybe that was three, but then socks were two, so that was 5 all together - no there were 2 shoes, that made it 6 which is a multiple of three, but then I had bought under ware and an undershirt - that added two. Belt, that's it, the belt made three which means it is a total of nine which is divisible by three, three times! Yes, three!

ring . . . . ring . . . . ring . . . . "Alice, what!"

"Concentrate, Edward, your plane is boarding. You're about to miss it!" chided the little pixie.

"Thanks, Alice. Thanks a lot, actually."

"Don't mention it, brother, just get on that plane!"

I slowly rose to board, having no luggage to check. I gave the attendant my ticket and took my seat by the window. It would be a long flight.

~oooOooo~

Carlisle POV

Well, that's it. That's a full staff for the hospital. What a day, I don't usually have such a difficult time choosing interns but both candidates were just so well qualified and had such interesting profiles. Who am I kidding, I had such trouble deciding between them because one of them reminded me so much of Edward.

Edward, my first son.

I missed him with a longing that only a vampire could understand. There was a part of my brain that NEVER stopped thinking about him, wondering where he was, how he was, if there wasn't possibly something I could do to help him. Anything. I tried to convince him to let me leave with him, but he wouldn't hear of it. Alice had been unable to see where he was, or I would have gone and found him. Anything to help him . . . I would do anything.

I remembered when I awoke after being bitten and realized what I had become. I tried for years to kill myself to no avail. Jumping from heights did nothing, the body repaired itself almost instantly, and I did not need to breath, so immersing myself in water for months was useless against the immortality I possessed. Denying myself food only ended in my being curled up somewhere muttering nonsensically to myself, almost too weak to move. This is what I feared Edward was doing. He had no will to live, no intention of having a future without "her". He was so broken over a choice he had made for both their lives, a choice I don't think she would have agreed with. She loved him, that was clear. If I could just have convinced him he had a soul, if he would only see.

Edward and I had spent years researching, documenting, reading . . . endless years of reading thru documents as old as time. All over the world. We had traveled to all the ancient cities, poured over dust filled ancient, cracked parchments in language after language looking for answers in the deepest niches of libraries and monasteries. I was confident we were not damned. Though forced to walk the earth for an eternity could be considered a curse, it could also be a blessing. We had infinite time to love and to learn, our vampire minds remembered everything and gave total recall - every moment, every word read every vision was there for us to remember, to use. It's one of the reasons I had become a doctor. I thought that if I helped people, I would be giving back. Just think, ages and ages to learn, forgetting nothing. Surely my skills would be of use. Every time I saved someone because of my advanced abilities, both mental and physical, I felt I was worthy and surely not damned.

I sensed her enter the room as Esme moved to put her arms around my waist. I was gazing out the window of our new home. She had outdone herself, my Esme, and this home was more beautiful than the last. She was an amazing woman and the very center of my life.

"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered as she kissed my shoulder.

She didn't have to ask. She knew well where my mind had taken me.

Edward.

We had done everything we could to help and he had tried so hard, God love him. He wanted to be with us, he so desperately wanted and needed his family right now but his pain was intolerable. If Esme had placed her arms around me and kissed me in front of Edward, he would have involuntarily dropped to the floor, the pain taking away his ability to stand. He was unable to bear it. Unbearable . . . interesting word. A word thrown around by many and used commonly in conversation but not really understood. I could only imagine the depths and level of pain necessary for something to be "unbearable" to me. I could not imagine being without my mate. Esme's presence gave meaning to my life. I would not have wanted to exist without her. Edward was doing exactly that, by his own hand. He was the one that had made the choice to leave his mate. He could have easily claimed her - a willing participant. In fact, she had begged him to be with her.

"We'll get through this," Esme whispered softly to me as she gently embraced me, "He'll get through this."

"I hope so sweetheart," I said as I turned and pulled her to me, "God how I hope so. He is so a part of this family. I wonder how we'll make it without him."

"He answered his phone!"

We heard Alice scream as she flew down the stairs and bounded into the study, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie close behind to see what all the commotion was about.

"He answered his phone and he's at the airport, in Rio . . . he's headed to Forks! He's going to find her! He's finally going to go find Her!" Alice bounced up and down with the news.

She had been so distressed not to have been able to see him. Her gift allowed her to see the future, once it was decided. There had to be conscious intent for there to be a future for her visions to work and that's what had us all scared for Edward. Alice couldn't see him. She looked far away, she was seeing something . . .

"He got on the plane! He did it!" she shouted with excitement, literally bounding up and down as only Alice could.

She told us all of the rest she had seen, rotting timbers and rats, Edward in filthy, torn clothes. He had hunted, according to Alice, but only because there was time between the time he purchased the ticket and the time the next flight left to Houston on its way to Seattle. His hair was disheveled, but when was it not? The deep embedded purple below his eyes told the story. He had to have gone months without hunting. Months.

"Oh no! No No NO! We have to go to Forks, we have to be there for him . . ."

"Alice, what have you seen?" I had to know, "Alice?" I waited . . .

"It's Bella!"

~oooOooo~

EPOV

I got off the plane in Houston before dawn. I was on my way to the connecting flight when my phone rang. Alice.

"Hi, Alice. I guess you know I just landed in Houston. Is everything okay there?"

Alice seemed so surprised that I had asked, she let out a small gasp. I grinned, the first time in months. It was sad, really. She was so happy that I had done something so simple as to inquire if my family was alright.

"Yes, Edward, everyone is fine. We all miss you terribly. I'm so glad to hear your voice, it makes me so happy! I called to tell you to take the late evening flight tonight. I'm sorry it delays you, I know you really want to get there, but will be sunny in Seattle when you land if you take this flight. You have time to hunt most of the day. It's going to be totally cloudy in Houston all day. It's important, Edward . . . your eyes look like hell. There are mountain lions nearby, up in the hills."

"Thanks, Alice. You're sure about the sun, you're not just wanting to get me to feed by telling me about the lions?" I said to her.

"Nope. I might do that to get you fed, but I'm not. I see that the later flight is better and I see you finding mountain lion this morning and tonight. Lucky you! I'll call you if it changes and I promise I'm telling the truth - you know that!"

I hung up the phone and made my way to the ticket counter. Alice wasn't trying to fool me, she was just being Alice and giving me the benefit of what she had seen. Sunny days in Seattle were so rare I had not thought to check, even though my original flight got me to Seattle just before noon. Well, just a sign of how far I had slipped. It wasn't like me not to plan my trips based on the sun. Need to be more careful. Have to think.

It was cloudy outside, really cloudy. Who would have thought, cloudy in Houston and sunny in Seattle, just the opposite of what it normally was! I looked out to the Houston skyline and headed out to find breakfast. It was the first time I had cared in a very long time.

Sitting on a ledge, overlooking the landscape below, I paused to think. I had my fill, for now, two mountain lions and a deer later and I was almost sloshy. It had been a very long few months. I was going home now to the only home I cared about - wherever she was. I thought about the tree outside her window and the hours I had sat there, afraid to talk to her, then the hours I had spent inside he room. She was so interesting when she slept, her face would make expressions and I would guess what thoughts went with the expression. She talked in her sleep. God how many times had I come undone at her words and the sounds she made.

I loved her. There was no doubt.

Her smell was out of this world. I was so overcome with desire for her blood when I had first seen her. It became evident that she was my "singer" as my kind called her. Her blood "sang" to me like a siren call and it was nearly impossible to resist. I had resisted, though. Hours, weeks and days I had spent enduring the fire in my throat that her scent caused, the desire to take her and feast on her sweet blood. I had fallen in love with her and I had left to protect her from just that sort of thing. The desire for blood that we wretched creatures endured. I wanted more for her

. . . a normal life.

Maybe she had moved on as I had hoped for her. It would be fair. I left her with no choices. She had begged me to stay, tears in her eyes pleading. I died again in that moment. My heart may have stopped beating a hundred years ago, but it was lost to me on that day in the woods. I left everything that I am with her. I had lied to her, that awful God forsaken lie that I did not want her. What could be more from the truth

. . . I need her more than I needed blood.

She was everything to me. I had assumed that her human feelings would fade, that her love for me could not possibly equal my love for her. Vampires are much like stone, rarely changing significantly in any way. Once a change does occur it is permanent. I had fallen in love with her, bonded with her. She was my mate. The fact that the relationship had never been consummated like a human marriage was required to be before it was official was not relevant. My bond to her was enduring and permanent. Now. It would never change whether I was with her or not. I was a fool not to have known that. Maybe I did know and I just loved her enough to want her to have that normal, human life anyway, regardless of what it would do to me. But what about her -

what if she really did love me the way I loved her,

what if the feeling she had for me did not fade with time,

what if she was in just as much agony as I was!

I would be responsible for her pain. I would have been the cause. If only Alice could see - if only I knew how she was doing. I could stay away if she was happy, guard her from afar. I could do it!

"Alice," she picked up on the first ring, "I didn't ask before, but have you seen her? Seen Bella? I know I asked you not to look, but, Alice, can you see her for me?"

"I haven't seen her, Edward. I'll concentrate while you fly to Seattle, maybe I can see something," she spoke so softly it made me worry. "I am so glad you fed, Edward. Thank you for trying. We miss you! I'll talk to you in Seattle, now go get the other lion and get on that plane!"

Seatac airport was as I had remembered it. The flight had been uneventful, filled with thoughts and remembrances of Bella. She flooded my brain and I could not wait to be near her again. As I left the airport I realized I had not planned any further than this. I had no car here, waiting to drive to Forks. It didn't matter, it was only a few hours away running and running always helped me think. Alice must have seen. This must have been why she was so insistent that I hunt. She knew I was incapable of running when I left Rio, I could barely manage to walk then. I was not that much better off in Houston till after I hunted. A day of hunting had returned me to almost normal form. Almost. The deep purple had all but disappeared from under my eyes. My eyes seemed to want to hang on to their black color, but it was not an empty black, it was like fire - hungry with the emotions that were surging through me. They flickered to amber momentarily, but then back to the bottomless black. I yearned for Bella with a desire nothing else could quench and my eyes reflected these emotions.

"Alice. I'm in Seattle. Thank you for getting me to hunt, I haven't been able to think clearly, apparently, in quite awhile. The difference between Houston and here is amazing. Anyway, thanks sis. Have you been able to see her?" I asked.

"No, Edward. Nothing, It's like she's disappeared," Alice almost whispered.

"Alright. Please keep trying. I'll talk to you from Forks. Bye Alice, I love you, too."

As I headed out of town, I was considering just buying a new car. I hadn't updated my car in awhile and Bella might like a blue one. Who was I kidding, she would look awesome in a blue car, midnight blue. Wait, her old truck would surely have died by now . . . she might need a car. Yes, a blue car. An Audi, and I just happened to know where the dealership was. I looked up as I flagged a cab, there was a billboard overhead advertising Harley Motorcycle Racing. Drag racing, actually. I wonder if she would like to ride on the back of a bike with me, I mused. I laughed to myself as I thought, she would have to ride on the back. Bella on a bike was an accident waiting for a place to happen. She could trip walking over a flat surface, I could never endanger her by giving her a bike, I chuckled to myself at the thought.

I entered the dealership and walked to the showroom. The sales personnel eyed me, their thoughts giving them away.

"Oh great, some cocky teenager wanting a sports car. What a waste of my time. Oh well, I guess a job is a job, right? It beats unemployment! I might as well go talk to him, there aren't any real customers here right now anyway."

A heavyset older man approached me. His thoughts were kind, remembering himself at the age he thought me to be, and the love and desire he had for a sports car back then.

"Can I help you with something young man?" said the salesman politely.

"I think you have just what I'm looking for. Is the R8 in the center fully loaded?" I asked.

"Yes, yes it is. Have you seen the sticker price on that car, son?" he chuckled.

"Yes sir, I have. I'm familiar with the car and the cost," I said as I handed him my black credit card.

I had no time to play. From his expression, I hoped he would not have a heart attack before he completed the transaction. I had the car put in Bella's name and the title sent to the house in Forks. She would love this car, and if she didn't, she could choose her own. Anything she wanted, I was not taking any choices from her ever again. I just wanted to surprise her and let her know how sorry I was and how much I loved her. The car was ready in under an hour. It drove like a dream as I headed to Forks and to my other half, back to my life that I had abandoned almost a year ago. It seemed like centuries.

Bella's truck was in the driveway and the Chief's was parked on the street. I pulled in behind her truck and parked. I remembered that Bella hated surprises and did not like me spending money on her, but I also knew things had to be different this time. I had to be honest and I had to be me. My interest in cars is part of who I am and I want her to have the best of everything. I guess it's just another thing we need to discuss, assuming she will have me back at all. I heard no one but Charlie in the house and he was in front of the TV watching a game. It was that time of day, I hadn't even paid attention before now. I walked up to the front door, took a deep, unnecessary breath and knocked. Charlie opened the door with a frown, his thoughts raging.

"YOU, what the hell are you doing here?"

He stood in the door, one hand on the door and the other on the door frame as his mind wondered to thinking about actually shooting me and how much I deserved it. Pictures of Bella flooded his mind -

Bella as she was being brought back out of the woods that day

Bella lying in bed, refusing to talk or move for days

Bella waking at night with nightmares for months on end

Bellas face. Her eyes, the light and life gone from them.

I crumbled. I nearly fell to my knees. "I came to see Bella," I said quietly, hardly able to speak for the images bombarding me.

"Ha! Did you now. Well Bella isn't here," he spat.

"Isn't here? When will she be back?" I asked having already heard the answer in his thoughts, but unwilling to accept it.

"She left after Billy's funeral, she and Jacob. She's gone son, I don't know where she is."

I had just enough strength to stand and reach toward his outstretched hand and drop the car key in it.

"Please keep this for her. I bought it for her."

I turned and walked away. I had no idea where I was going, it didn't occur to me to look for her, I only knew she was gone and I kept seeing the visions of her in her father's head. What had I done. She was a shell, just like I had been.

I had to find her.

I paid no attention to the calls from Charlie, the shouts about the car. I couldn't care less about the car right now, I just had to get away from there. I had to find her . . .

~oooOooo~

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