Hello my darlings. I would like to thank ,for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.
So here is the next chapter. All I can say is I'm sorry and beg you not to hate me.
Enjoy?
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.
The next morning and still Callen hadn't found a chance to talk to Marty about his dad. Therefore the file was still in his bag and when he got to the office he placed it once more in his desk draw. He would do it tonight. With that thought he turned his mind to the day ahead, laughing and joking with the team as they worked through a simple case, and in general put the information from his mind.
Callen didn't even notice the little looks Nell gave him and Marty when they were both up in ops. Or at least she did until Eric glared at her to make her stop. He really didn't want anyone to realise what he had done. Because he knew he really shouldn't have told her about the relationship between the two men.
Deeks on the other hand was completely oblivious to it all, he instead spent his time enjoying work, which mainly consisted on winding up Kensi whenever there was a chance and trying to duck Sam. The big guy always seemed to think there was more he could learn, whereas Deeks himself, was pretty sure he knew enough thank you very much. And anyway he was waiting for a chance to speak to Hetty. He had realised this morning as he was waiting for Steve to come and pick up Monty that there was one member of their family that also needed to be invited to Christmas dinner at his nana Hetty's house. Not that he would ever call her that to her face.
Finally he got his chance towards the end of the day, when everyone else was packing up to go. Waiting until G wasn't looking at him, Deeks quickly made his way to Hetty's office. He knew he could ask G to ask her for him, but he wanted to do it. He wanted to make sure she really was okay with him joining her and G for their family dinner.
"Umm, Hetty. You got a minute?" He asked running his hands nervously through his hair as he stood in front of her desk.
"Of course Mr Deeks. What can I do for you?" Hetty replied with a gesture to sit. She wasn't sure what this was about, but she would always make time for the man who made her boy so very happy. That had opened up his heart. Oh yes, she would always have time for Martin Deeks.
"It's about Christmas." Deeks stated after taking a deep breath. Though he made sure to say it in a quiet voice, he did not want anyone to overhear this conversation. It was why he had waited until now to have it after all.
"Mr Callen has informed me that you will be joining us." Hetty replied with a smile hoping to relax him so he would tell her whatever it was he wanted to say. Was he going to tell her he didn't want to come? No. Surely in that was the case he would talk to Mr Callen about it first.
"Yeah about that…" Deeks responded his voice trailing off as he tried to find the right words. He didn't even know if Hetty liked dogs. But he couldn't leave Monty alone on Christmas day, that wouldn't be fair on him.
"Do you not want to come Mr Deeks?" Hetty asked, wondering if she was wrong. Was there something going on between the two men who she held close to her heart? Had they had an argument or something? Had Mr Callen still not told Marty what was obvious to everyone else, that he loved him? Because she could understand how that could cause a rift between them. She really hoped it had not.
"What? No. of course I do, you're family. It's just… I don't want to leave Monty alone." Deeks explained quickly, wanting to make sure Hetty knew that this was nothing like that. He wanted to go, wanted to spend Christmas with G and his family. He couldn't think of anywhere he would rather be. It was just he also had to think about Monty.
"I would never dream of it Mr Deeks. Monty is as welcome in my home as you and Mr Callen are." Hetty replied with a sincere smile. If that was Marty's only worry, then everything was fine. She had nothing to concern herself with. Good.
"Really? Awesome." Deeks responded smiling his usual sunny smile at her. That had gone a lot better than he thought it would. He had been preparing himself for the worst, for her to say that Monty couldn't come. But it seemed he was worried about nothing. Christmas was going to be fantastic this year. He would be with the man he loved, his foster mom and their dog. Yep, best Christmas ever.
"Is there anything else?" Hetty asked when he just sat there opposite her with a big grin on his face not saying a word.
"Nope, nothing." Deeks replied quickly getting up. He knew that tone of voice, it was the one that said he was being dismissed. Therefore with a wave he turned to leave only to be stopped when Hetty spoke once more.
"Oh, and Mr Deeks? I heard you were thinking of getting me a present. There is no need, having you and your family round, is more than enough."
At her words Deeks nodded before leaving her office going to collect his stuff from his desk. A desk which had a hovering team leader hanging round it, pretending to be reading whatever file he had left open there. The sight made his already large smile even bigger. It was then that the words Hetty had just spoken hit him. His family. Sure G and Monty were his family, but they were hers too. Hmm, he needed to do something that would show her that.
Callen had been concentrating so hard on getting the file into his bag without anyone seeing, that he totally missed Deeks making his way to Hetty's office. The first he knew about it was when he turned round to see his lover was no longer where he had been a minute ago. Looking round the mission with a puzzled frown on his face he saw him talking to Hetty. That made the frown deepen. Just what was that all about? Well only one way to find out. With that in mind he made his way over to Deeks desk so he could watch him and Hetty out of the corner of his eye and see when Marty came back towards him. Hoping to catch a look at his face so he would be able to try and get some idea of what the conversation had been about. Or at least if it had upset him.
But what he saw as Marty made his way towards him was his usual gorgeous sunny smile, the one he could never help returning.
"Really subtle G." Deeks said cheekily when he got to his desk and grabbed his bag before gently pushing his boyfriend towards the exit.
"What were you and Hetty talking about?" Callen asked instead of replying to Marty's comment. He knew he could have done his spying better, but there was no one around to see, so no harm no foul right?
"You." Deeks replied with a smirk enjoying the eye roll he got from the man walking close, but not close enough to touch, next to him.
"Marty." Callen groaned out. Because he knew if that had been the case there was no way Marty would say that it was. So he was safe on that score at least. Thank god. The last thing he needed was for Hetty and Marty to get together for a gossiping session about him. Nope, that would not be fun, at all.
"I was asking her if Monty could come for Christmas." Deeks replied in a sincere tone as they reached Callen's car and without thought the younger man climbed in the passenger side. His own car was all the way on the other side of the parking lot and there didn't seem much point in taking the two cars home, G could give him a lift in in the morning. It would be fine.
Callen sat there for a few seconds just looking at the man sitting next to him before he turned to the front and started the car. If Marty wanted to ride back with him he had no problems with that. Though it would mean he couldn't give him the file tonight. He didn't want to leave Marty without transport after hearing what he had discovered. Or at least, that was his reasoning. With that he continued the light-hearted, normal conversation about Monty, Hetty and Christmas.
And so once again the next morning, the file was returned to Callen's desk and stayed there for the day before he took it out determined that that night was the night he would show it to Marty. He didn't. Nor did he show him the next night either. Every time he found some reason not to do it, something that he didn't want to upset, but the truth was he still hadn't worked out what words to say, what he could do to help Marty when he discovered his dad was dead.
In fact it wasn't until four days had gone by from Callen getting file from Nell that it all came to a head.
Deeks had noticed that G seemed to have changed where he put his bag when he came in from work. Because usually he left it with Deeks' own in the hallway, but now it seemed he placed it on the chair in the livingroom. The first couple of times, Deeks let it go, but now it was starting to irritate him. I mean, everything had its place. Not that he was a neat freak you understand, he just liked to have things organised. He thought G understood that. Obviously not.
Therefore when G went into the kitchen to grab them both a beer Deeks went over to the other man's bag and picked it up. He wasn't sure how it happened, but one minute he had the bag in his hand, intent on putting it where it belonged, and the next the contents was littered across his livingroom floor. Not that there was much in there, just some pens, a pad, and a file. Why did G have a file from the office in his bag? They weren't working a case or anything, so what was it? With his usual insatiable curiosity Deeks reached for it, ready to open it and get the answers to his questions.
Callen was returning with the two beers in hand, happily thinking of nothing but curling up on the couch with Marty in his arms. But when he got to the door way all those thoughts left his mind at the sight that greeted him. Because there was the file lying on the floor and Marty was reaching for it. No, this couldn't be happening, but as much as Callen wanted to stop it, stop him, he could do nothing but watch on in horror as Marty's hand curled around the spine of the file and with practised ease he flicked it open.
Deeks stared at the name at the top of the page. Because it was his father's name. Why the hell did G have a file on his father? With that thought he raised his eyes from the pages and looked up at the man who was frozen in the doorway with a look of horror in his eyes. What was going on?
"G, what is this?" Deeks asked in a quiet even voice, hoping more than anything that the man he loved had a really good, understandable reason for having this file.
"I… it's… Marty your…" Callen tried to say, but the words were lost to him. He had no idea how to explain why he had the file, nor what it was the file contained.
Deeks gave G a puzzled frown before he turned back to the file. If G wouldn't give him the answers he needed, he would find them in here he was sure. So in a silence that was so filled with tension that even Monty was on alert, Deeks read the file, not once but twice, just to make sure it really said what it seemed to be saying. His father was dead. He'd died in an automobile accident two years after getting out of prison. Deeks wasn't sure how to process that news. In fact he wasn't sure he really wanted to. So instead his mind concentrated on the practical rather than the emotion, and he turned his eyes back to G.
"Why do you have this?" He asked quietly not sure he trusted his voice to speak any louder. He wasn't sure he wouldn't shout if he did, and he knew if he started shouting he would never get the answers he sort.
"I… I looked him up." Callen replied in an equally quiet voice, though his was more because he was still trying to find the words to explain what he had done and why. He needed Marty to understand he had done it for him. To protect him.
"Why?" Deeks asked simply. He still hadn't moved from the floor and the file was still open in his hand.
"I wanted to make sure he wasn't anywhere near you. That he couldn't hurt you." Callen responded without hesitation. It was the reason he had searched for Marty's dad after all. It had always been about protecting the man he cared for.
"He hasn't come near me since I was eleven years old, why the hell would he now?" Deeks snapped out. That was such a stupid excuse. He hadn't seen his father in twenty years, there was no need to go looking for the bastard, just to make sure he stayed away.
"I was worried." Callen replied with force. What did Marty expect? That he told him his father was abusive and he would just say, oh well and forget about it?
"You were being over protective. How did you get this intel?" Deeks growled. He didn't need this shit being dragged back up. Though thinking about it. It did sound like some idiotic thing G would do. But then he noticed that G wasn't replying to his question and he felt his eyes turn back to the pages in front of him. Looking at the wording he knew that this hadn't been written by G. At that a dark pit opened up inside him as horror filled his mind. But no. G wouldn't do that to him. He wouldn't do that, right?
"G, where did this file come from?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper as he hope and prayed he was wrong. Though he knew deep inside he really wasn't.
"I asked Nell to look for him."
"Nell? Nell knows…?" Oh my god. He had done it. He had told G one of his deepest secrets, and what did he do? He turned right around and told someone else. What… why would he do that? Because that's not how you behave when you're in love with someone. He would never dream of telling anyone anything that G had told him. So… how… why did he do this to him?
The questions went round and round inside Deeks mind as he felt the dark pit grow ever larger with each pass. This couldn't be happening, but it was. G had betrayed his trust, and that more than anything else showed that he had been deceiving himself. G Callen did not love him.
"How could you?" Deeks finally hissed out his eyes blazing as he turned back up to look at the man who he had given his heart to. Long gone was the idea of not shouting. He was too hurt, in too much pain to care about any of that now.
"Marty I-" Callen started to say, trying to think of something that would take that look from Marty's eyes. Because he had never seen him look that hurt before. But it seemed no matter what he did, Callen was destined to cause his Marty pain.
"No. I don't want to hear it G. You betrayed me." Deeks interrupted. He was not going to let Callen sweet talk him around, not this time. No this time he was going to speak and the other man was going to listen.
"No. I was trying to keep you safe." Callen stated, hoping Marty would give him another chance. He would do anything the younger man asked to make this right.
"You job isn't to keep me safe G Callen, it's to love me. But you obviously can't do that." Marty responded with a sneer, but Callen could see there was still a slight hope in his eyes. Maybe there was one thing he could do to win him back. To repair the damage he had caused by his actions.
"No. I do Marty I… care about you." Callen replied closing his eyes as the words came out. He knew they were the wrong ones. They weren't the ones Marty wanted, no needed, to hear. They weren't words of undying love. Why couldn't he say it? Why couldn't he say that he loved him?
At the words from G's mouth Deeks felt something inside him break. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't spend his time hoping and waiting for when G would get his head out of his ass and see the truth. He had finally reached his breaking point. "You care about me? Care? Caring isn't love." he sighed, all the anger draining out of him with the realisation that this relationship had always been once sided.
"Marty please-" Callen replied in a begging tone, hoping he would give him one more chance. He could say it, he had too. But even as he tried the words stuck in his throat and nothing came out of his open mouth.
"I can't do this… I cannot be with someone who doesn't feel the same for me as I feel for them. I can't be with you knowing you don't love and respect me the way I do you… I just can't." Marty said as if he hadn't even heard Callen's final attempt at confessing his feelings. His voice was even and monotone, as if all the emotions and feelings inside him had left, and Callen hearing it knew he had lost. Lost everything that ever meant anything to him. And there was no one to blame but himself.
With that realisation Callen carefully put the beers down on the side before grabbing his bag from beside Marty and slowly turning and making his way towards the door.
G Callen left Marty Deeks apartment without saying a word, while inside his heart broke. And Deeks still sitting on the floor with the file in his hand wondered what the hell he had just done.