Hello my darlings. I would like to thank anonkp, No1 DB (Guest), LKK (Guest), Petunia3116, Guest, French fan (Guest), lulu625, Guest, Beststoriesever (Guest)and Veuve Noir for the wonderful reviews. You are all amazing.

So here is the next chapter, I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.

Callen lay on his bedroll staring up at the familiar ceiling of his old bedroom. Not that he was seeing it. No, his mind was filled with the image of Marty staring up at him in such a hurt and broken way. Filled with Marty saying he couldn't be with him if he couldn't tell him he loved him. Filled with the feel of his throat not working when he wanted nothing more than to say the words that would ease Marty's pain.

He hurt, in ways he had never truly experienced before and he finally understood why he had never said 'I love you' to Marty. Because he had somehow known that this would be the final outcome. But it seemed it didn't matter if he said it or not, he felt it, both the love and the pain. So his inability to speak seemed pretty pointless from where he was lying, on his cold hard floor.

The only place he wanted to be right then was in Marty's bed, with the younger man wrapped around him and his fingers running through his hair. But that was never gonna happen now. He had screwed up in such a way that there was no coming back. I mean why would Marty want him back after this? He had betrayed his trust by getting Nell to look for his father, and he had failed when he couldn't say the words. Thinking that Callen opened his mouth, seeing if he could say the words now, but even here, alone in an empty house nothing came out. There was something seriously wrong with him.

With a groan Callen rolled over and sat up with two aims in mind. One to get a beer from his fridge, and two to see if he had anything in his house that would be able to take his mind off of what had just happened. At how he had messed up, and how he still couldn't say those three god damn words.

But he only got as far as the livingroom where his solitary chair sat with his lamp in the empty room. It was as if it was mocking him. The one piece of furniture he had brought on a whim, when it had crossed his mind that when he did invite Marty back he would need somewhere for the younger man to sit. He knew some, i.e Sam, would say he should probably have brought two if that was the reason behind the purchase, but Callen had nothing against Marty sitting on his knee or vice versa. One piece of furniture was enough for him. Now it seemed he would only ever need one. He no longer had a special someone to show his house too after all. No one to maybe one day ask to move in with him and make it their home.

With a sigh at his melancholy thoughts Callen went and got the beer before returning to his chair and sitting in it in complete darkness, staring at the shadows on the wall as they moved gently in the breeze blowing outside. Well at least now he knew without a doubt that he did love Marty Deeks. If only he could tell the other man that as well, maybe he stood a chance of getting him back. Mind you, he didn't deserved another chance. Marty had already given him more than he could count. But the if only's didn't matter. Because he still couldn't say the words.

He sat like that, staring at nothing as he thought over all he had lost with no way of getting back again, until the first rays of sunlight flittered through the window. At that point he stood to go and have a shower and change. He would go into work early, he needed to get out of this house, away from his thoughts, and there really was nowhere else he could go.

Deeks finally moved from the floor when Monty came over to him, nudging him with his nose, and pulled his mind from the numb state of shut down it had gone into with G's departure. Looking round at the dog he automatically gave him a scratch behind the ears before slowly getting got his feet and staring round at his apartment as if he had never seen it before. Everything in it reminded him of G. The way the cushions were arranged on the couch at the end the older man always sat, the Russian books on his bookshelves, the two bottles of beer on the side. He didn't even consider going into his bedroom, he knew it would be even worse in there. Instead his eyes caught the bottle of whiskey G had brought over a few days ago. It was still mostly full, and hell he could do with a drink right then.

Moving carefully Deeks grabbed the bottle and a glass before collapsing on the couch at the other end to the one he always sat with G. Pouring himself a drink he took a deep breath before he downed it in one and poured out another, though he did not touch the new drink. Instead he closed his eyes against the burning sensation of the liquor going down his throat. It somehow seemed to clear his mind of the remainder of the haze and allowed him to think once more. The first thing that came to his mind was not what had happened between him and G though. No, it was the fact that his father was dead.

He wasn't sure what to do with that information, it caused conflicting emotions to swell up inside him. Because part of him, the part Gordon John Brandel had abused, cheered at the idea that the guy was gone from the earth, and felt relief that he would never see him again. But another part, the part that would always be the man's son, the one that had believed the words he had spoken to him as a child, felt grief for a departed parent. Looking down at the file he still had hold of he realised that there would never be a chance now that his dad would apologise, would come and try and make it up to him. Not that there really had ever been much hope of that, but now there really was none.

He didn't know how to reconcile the two parts of his mind, and the one clear thought in it was that he wanted to talk to G about it. That caused a cynical chuckle to leave his mouth. He didn't think he would be talking to G about much ever again. In fact Deeks wouldn't be surprised to wake up tomorrow morning and find that he was no longer the NCIS liaison. Oh hell. He hadn't just screwed up his love life, but also his career. Well that was just awesome wasn't it?

With that thought he reached out for the whiskey and took a sip before letting his mind run to more practical matters. Namely that he really needed to let him mom know. Oh that wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. He knew she blamed herself for everything that had happened, but he also knew she would need his reassurance that everything was fine. He really didn't think he could give anyone that right then, and he refused to hurt her. So best to not make that call any time soon. Not until he had come to terms with it himself. Come to terms with the fact that his dad was dead… and G was gone.

G. There was another load of conflicting emotions tearing him apart, though these ones seemed to be a lot stronger than the ones for his dad. No wonder really, G was the man he loved with all his heart, and he had just broken up with him. Part of him wanted to run to the older man, to apologise and beg him to take him back. Tell him he would accept anything G could give him, he didn't care he just wanted to be with him. But a larger, stronger part said no. Told him that they couldn't continue the way they had been. He couldn't continue in a relationship where he wasn't sure if he was loved. Because Marty Deeks knew he needed to be loved. Everyone deserved that right? So no. He wouldn't beg G to take him back, though he knew if the other man ever managed to get the guts to say the words to him he would have him back in a heartbeat.

Of course he also knew that it was unlikely G would do any such thing after the way he had walked out. With a sigh Deeks decided he really couldn't deal with all this right then. He needed to get some sleep if he was going to go to work tomorrow, and he was going to go. He would not give Hetty a reason to fire him. He was damn good at his job, and he would show them all that he could still do it even now. He would not give up his career for a man who couldn't give him what he needed.

With that thought Deeks lay down on the couch and closed his eyes, drifting off into an uneasy sleep that was filled with nightmares featuring his father and G saving him from him only to turn round and say he didn't want him either. Marty Deeks was extremely happy to wake up that morning with the sun, and without thought grabbed his surfboard. He had time before he had to be at the office, and hopefully spending the morning in the ocean would clear his head of all thoughts.

Sam walked into the bullpen and did a double take when he saw G sitting there, working away. It looked like he had been there for hours, and that was not something that had happened since, well since he had got together with Deeks. What had happened?

"Morning G." He said causing the other man to raise his head and look at his for a second before turning back to his paperwork with a muttered greeting.

"Morning Sam."

Sam stood there, trying to think of the best way to ask G what was going on, but before he could find the right words Kensi came in, with a smile on her face for the two senior agents.

"Good morning."

"Looks it." Sam replied with a smile for her, trying to deflect her attention away from G, who hadn't even looked up at her arrival.

"I just the most amazing session at the gym." Kensi responded happily, answering Sam unasked question with a smile, though it turned to a frown when she looked at her partners desk to see it was empty. Deeks always seemed to get here before her lately, so where was he now?

"Deeks not in yet?" She asked turning so she could look at both Callen and Sam. It was because of that that she saw the way her team leader's body visibly stiffened at her words. What had happened the last night? Because when she left everyone was fine, yet now Callen seemed… tense.

"Nope, haven't seen him." Sam replied trying to get Kensi's attention back on him, though he was pretty sure it was too late for that. He just hoped she didn't start asking G any questions. He doubted he was in the answering kind of mood right then. Not that that would stop him asking them when they were alone later. Oh hell no, he wanted to know what had happened.

"Strange, do you know if he had any plans last night?" Kensi asked him, though making sure to keep Callen in the corner of her eye. Because she had a horrible feeling inside, as if maybe her plan to let Callen know Deeks was taken, might well now be worthless. Had the team leader approached her partner? Was that why he tensed when he heard Deeks' name? Was that why Deeks wasn't here yet? It could be, but before she could think of any way to try and get answers, the man in question walked into the bullpen, though it took her only one look to know that something was seriously wrong.

"The only plans I had Fern, were with the waves." Deeks said entering the area and studiously keeping his eyes away from the man who had been doing paper work, but whose head had shot up at the sound of his voice. It was harder than he thought it would be to pretend nothing had happened. A lot harder. Damn it, why was G making this so god damn difficult? With that thought his eyes hardened as an idea came to him, one that would make G Callen feel as much pain as he himself was. Therefore after dropping his bag on his desk he sauntered over to Kensi's and perched on the edge, purposely keeping his back to G.

"But you know, if you want to make plans tonight, I'm free. I'll be all yours princess."

Callen heard the words and could feel his fist tighten, but he also knew exactly what Marty was doing. He knew exactly which buttons to press to make him jealous, but he would not raise to the bait.

"Deeks, are you ill?" Kensi asked alarmed by the manic look in her partner's eyes. What was he up to? Why was he behaving like this? What about his boyfriend? Or maybe… was this his way of trying to make sure Callen knew he didn't stand a chance? Because if so, he really needed to think of a better way, one that didn't include her. She did not want to be in the middle. Sure she would be there for Deeks, but she would not be a pawn in whatever was going on between the two men.

"Nope, feel better than I have in months. So what do you say? We have a date?" Deeks asked smiling his most sunny smile at Kensi, though his complete concertation was on the man behind him. Therefore he was well aware when he stood and started to move around his desk. For a brief second Deeks wondered if he had gone too far, and just what G would do to him because of it. The idea sent a slight thrill through him causing him to involuntarily turn his eyes to the other man when he was standing next to him.

"I think you should get on with your paper work Deeks, leave the date planning for later. I'm gonna hit the firing range." Callen said in an amiable, slightly teasing tone of voice, his usual half smile on his face. Only his eyes betrayed him. They looked so hurt it caused a lump to form in Deeks throat. Maybe that hadn't been the best idea after all.

Sam watched what was happening in front of him, but he understood none of it. What he did know was that he needed to speak to G alone. So when he said he was going to the firing range Sam didn't even think as he stood to follow him. But then he caught sight of the look of lose in Deeks' eyes. Hmm, seemed G wasn't the only one who needed to talk. But his main priority was his partner, he would leave Deeks in the hands of his own. With that in mind he spoke to Kensi before leaving the bullpen. "Why don't you two go get coffee?"

And Kensi hearing the words and seeing the look in Deeks' eyes realised just what Sam was saying. He wanted her to talk to him to find out what was going on. She could do that. It was what friends and partners did. Therefore without another word she stood and grabbed Deeks arm, pulling him behind her towards her car. Time to go and get coffee, and to get Deeks to talk.