Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Boondock Saints stuff, yadda yadda!

"Hey Nora." Nidra flashed her friend a smile as she walked into the bookstore a few days later. "You're good to go home, hun. I can close up tonight on my own."

"Ye sure?"

Nidra nodded. "Yeah, it's been slow the past couple of days anyways. I'm thinking about closing up early tonight anyways." The red-head nodded, packed up her stuff, and a few minutes later Nidra was alone in the book store. It was quiet the next few hours, only a few customers every once in a while. At about eight o'clock Nidra was towards the back of the store in between two bookshelves putting away some books when there was a familiar ding, signaling someone had opened the door.

"Sorry, we're actually closed now." She heard what sounded like the clicking of a lock, and the sign on the door being turned around, and she smiled. "Aidan, I said I'd be fine by myself." Nidra walked out of the shelves, breath catching in her throat as she saw Murphy standing by the door.

"No' Aidan."

Nidra clutched the book in her arms to her chest, eyeing the man. "What're you doing here?"

"Connor said he'd paid ye a visit." The female nodded, and Murphy took a few steps forward. "When I left ya in Boston…"

Nidra's stomach lurched, and she shook her head. She knew what was coming. "Stop, I don't wanna talk about it. Just leave. Please."

"No." He took a couple more steps forward, and Nidra ducked back into the aisle between the shelves she'd just been at. "Nidra, ye can' hide from me ferever." He stepped into the aisle, eyeing her.

"Go away, Murphy! God, why can't you Irish fucking understand that I don't want anything to do with you!"

"Don' change tha subject. Jus' tell me tha truth."

Nidra clenched her jaw, turning to him and biting the inside of her cheeks. "What do you want me to say, Murphy? What is it that Connor said to you that made you have to come to my job and do this?"

"Ye told 'im I left ya alone… And somet'in' else."

Nidra nodded. "Yep, you did. And?" She wanted to flinch away from him as he got closer, to cringe as he reached over to brush stray hair behind her ear.

"Nidra," his voice sent a shiver down her spine, "were ya…" Murphy stopped, as if he didn't know a word to describe it. After a few seconds, it became too much for Nidra to bear.

"Pregnant?" She nodded, and the glint of joy and excitement in his eye made her heart break. She looked down suddenly, shrugging. "But, you don't have to worry, because I lost it. So, you're free to shag whoever you want and not feel bad about it."

"Is tha wha' ya t'ink o' me?" Murphy's voice was dripping with a mixture of hurt and anger. He shook his head, clearly not ready to move on from the previous subject. "Wha' happened?"

"Car accident. Six months in. That's how I met Aidan. He saved my life. I was in the hospital for a good six months, and Aidan took care of me. Kept me from going insane, really. I lost the baby, and I moved on."

"I don' believe tha'."

Nidra looked up at him. "What?"

"Tha' ye moved on." He was staring down at her with his blue gaze, those damn eyes that Nidra had dreamt about for the past two years.

"Why is everyone lately saying they don't believe the things I say?" She forced a laugh, blinking away tears. "Fuck you, Murphy. Okay? Fuck you, and your brother, and everything that you think you know." She shoved the book that she'd been clutching onto the shelf and moved to walk around Murphy, but he grabbed her by the waist and pushed her back against the bookshelf. She looked up at him with wide eyes, but she couldn't shake the shiver of excitement that ran throughout her body.

Murphy stepped closer to her, leaning into her and resting his forehead on hers as Nidra stood still, her body shaking on the inside.

"Don't do this…" Her voice cracked, and Nidra blinked as a tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't want to be this close to him, because she didn't trust herself. The truth was that when she'd seen him that first night, and known he was alive, she'd been excited, and had been secretly hoping – even against her own will – that he would fight for her. She wanted to be with him, Nidra wanted that feeling again. She wanted to know that she was loved, and that she belonged somewhere. Aidan was a great guy, but he just wasn't… Well, he wasn't Murphy. And she couldn't love him like she loved the MacManus brother. Even if she wanted to – which, the reality of it was, she didn't.

"I've been fightin' it for months, lass." Murphy's right hand trailed up the side of her body, and Nidra's eyes fluttered closed as he caressed her neck. She could feel his hot breath on her upper lip, just like before, and her hands found the collar of his shirt.

"I can't do this again, Murphy." Her entire body was telling her to say yes, and yet she knew that she couldn't do it. Not when she was still with Aidan. No, not at all. She couldn't go through the heartache again. It had literally almost destroyed her the first time, she wouldn't survive a second time.

Murphy's thumb trailed her chin, and he pulled her jaw open slightly as he moved his lips closer to hers. "I need ya, lass…"

Nidra shut her eyes tighter, bouncing up and down slightly as her grip on his shirt tightened, and she pulled him closer to her. Her body was acting against her words. "I needed you then…" She felt the warmth of his breath dissipate, and Nidra opened her eyes to see Murphy standing back. They locked gazes for a moment, and he slowly nodded. He released her, slowly, and much against her will. But Nidra released his shirt, immediately putting her hands behind her back as her seemingly stiff fingers tore away at each other.

"I didn' mean ta put ya t'rough all tha'."

Nidra leaned back into the shelf behind her, hands finding the wood and nails digging in. "Yeah, well, I didn't mean to move here and run into you, either. Trust me, I fought Aidan on it." She knew her words were hurting him, even more so than they had Connor. But she had to say it. She had to make him hate her, so that he would leave her alone. So that he would stay away, because she wasn't strong enough to.

"If ya'd had tha child-"

"She was a girl." Nidra wasn't sure why she'd said that, it had just sort of come out. And her eyes widened slightly when she saw the look on Murphy's face, and the tears in his eyes.

"If she'd been born… I woulda found ya. I woulda done righ' by ye both."

Nidra couldn't help but smile as the thought brought tears to her own eyes. But she shook her head. "You wouldn't have known, Murphy." This was not at all how she wanted them to end their… Well, them. "You were dead. I'd accepted it by then. If she'd have been born, I would have raised her a single mother. Maybe met some other idiot who wanted to marry me, and I'd still be living in that shit-hole of a city named Boston. She wouldn't know about you, and you wouldn't know about her. That's how it would be."

"Ye have to know I wanted ta come back fer ya." Murphy nodded insistently. "Ya know tha', right?"

Nidra paused, watching his expression. Yes, she knew it. Well, she'd hoped it. "No." She shook her head, against her own will. "I didn't." That was it, she'd finally broken him. She watched as the Murphy that she knew and had once loved disappeared, replaced by the shell of an average man.

"Ye really want me ta leave ya alone?"

'No.' "Yes."

Murphy's jaw set. "Say it. You say it, and I'll ne'er bother ya again."

'Don't. You're lying.' "I really want you to leave me alone." 'What're you doing, you idiot?!' Nidra's own conscience was about to kick her ass.

Without another word, Murphy turned and headed for the door.

'Say something! Before he leaves for good!' Nidra sighed, stepping out of the aisle. "I loved you." Her voice was louder than she'd anticipated, and she picked at her nails, looking down as Murphy stopped, but didn't turn. "I did. And I waited. Even after Aidan and I started dating. I told myself that if you came back, or if you called and asked me to be with you, that I'd leave him, and I'd go wherever you wanted me to." She paused, sniffling. "I loved you, and I waited… But eventually I had to let go. You know that, don't you? You have to have known that I couldn't wait forever."

Murphy gave a tiny nod.

"We never said we loved each other when we had the chance, so, I wanted to say it now. So that you knew without a doubt." Nidra looked over at him, wanting him to turn around and say it back, or at least mumble it. Or look at her, or forgive her for being so cruel to him. But he didn't.

"I'll leave ya alone now. Ye have me word." Murphy closed the distance to the door, unlocking it and stepping out onto the street. Nidra watched as his figure disappeared down the street, and she found herself waiting again. Waiting for him to come back. It was an act that she knew was pointless, but she couldn't help it. Every time she saw him walk out the door, she had to wait, and hope that he'd come back.

Murphy kept his word: for two months Nidra didn't see him anywhere. Even when she thought about looking for him, she knew she wouldn't be able to find him. She regretted it, all of it. She didn't want to be the one to end it for good. She'd known that it was over, but now… Now she was as good as dead. Literally, she felt dead on the inside. She was distant with Aidan, and constantly crying or getting teary eyed. She was annoyed with herself. Nora tried to get through to her, to figure out what had happened, but Nidra couldn't say anything. She was at a loss for words, and didn't feel that she deserved to speak Murphy's name. She was still angry with him, and now even more so with herself.

Her apartment was too lonely. She lay in bed one Friday night, staring at the ceiling. She lay there for hours, until close to one in the morning she couldn't take it anymore. Nidra, dressed in a knee-length lace night-gown, grabbed her pea-coat and keys, hurrying out of her door. It took a good half hour to get to Aidan's, and after paying the taxi Nidra hurried inside.

She opened the door to the apartment quietly, locking it behind her before turning and heading down the main hall. Not wanting to wake Aidan just yet, she tip-toed to the bedroom, opening the door and stopping just inside.

"Shite! Nidra!" The naked woman straddling Aidan gasped, quickly covering herself with his sheet as she clambered to get off of him. Aidan sat up, looking between Nidra and the woman. "What're ye doin' here?!"

Nidra nearly shit bricks. "What am I doing here?" She shook her head. "Nothing. My mistake. I thought that maybe I would come stay the night with my fiancé, but I see now that he prefers the company of some harlot. My bad!"

"Nidra, wait! Babe!"

Nidra turned, shutting the bedroom door and hurrying to the apartment door, which she threw open and then slammed shut as she exited the apartment. As she stepped outside into the cool May air, she took a deep breath and started down the street. For some reason, she was less upset with the fact that Aidan had cheated, and more upset with herself. Why? Because she'd fought Murphy, and chosen to stay with Aidan. She'd said all those terrible things, and made him believe that she hated him, and now he wanted nothing to do with her. And apparently neither did her fiancé.

That's the end of the chapter!