I almost didn't go to school today but then I saw Jake's bear and knew that I had to go, for him. Still though I was in no hurry and was taking my time.
"Ms. Bella" Gloria says coming in "Mr. Edward's here"
"Edward? Really?" I asked excited.
She nodded
"Hurry Gloria help me find my earrings and where are those shoes!" I run around like crazy trying to hurry.
I hear her chuckle behind me.
10 minutes later I'm ready and rushing to the door before I open the door though I stop and calm myself before slowly opening the door.
"Sorry to keep you waiting" I say trying not to look as happy as I felt.
"It's ok" he says in a serious tone. His face was a serious mask.
"I thought I...I thought you wouldn't be coming to pick me up" I can't contain it any longer a big smile slowly spreading across my lips.
He smiles back almost immediately.
"I had to come and apologize for yesterday...I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't think to explain"
My smile falters and all the memories from yesterday come crashing back. I try to push them away.
"You don't have to explain anything Edward" I say trying to get passed him and into the car.
"No wait" he says grabbing my arm to stop me "yes I do Bella you see Rosalie is"
"Family I know." I say looking away.
"Yeah how'd you know that?" he asks surprised.
It's like a low blow hearing him confirm it.
"Jasper said that your house was like a second home to her so I just put two and two together." I shrug "Look Edward I don't know what kind of deal you and her have and I don't care because it isn't my business"
"Wait you think that her and me are"
"Like I said Edward I don't care" I say interrupting him. I hope my voice doesn't sound as hallow to him as it does to me.
"Ok but that's…I want to apologize for or I should say if my behavior brought back some issues or anything"
"The only thing it brought back was now everyone knows there is someone more important than me in my boyfriend's life again. There is nothing you can do or say that can change that, so get over it because I already did" I free my arm and get in the car. I take a deep breathe once I'm inside to hold back the tears that threatening to fall.
Edward stands there shocked for a second or two but then recovers and gets in.
"I'm sorry I hurt you" he says quietly.
I don't say anything and it remains quiet for a while.
I wanted to deny that I was hurt because it doesn't make sense that I'm hurt but I can't.
"So did Black say anything" He asks breaking the silence "about yesterday" he clarifies.
"Yes" I say smiling "he said I deserved better and later he came by and gave me a blue teddy bear"
"Did he offer himself as a 'better choice'?" he asks stiffly "what I mean is are you two going out now or something?"
"No" I say feeling somewhat disappointed though I knew Jake wasn't there yet.
"Too bad I thought the bear meant something" he says clearing his throat.
"It does" I say "Jake and I have this tradition where we give a teddy bear that says something cutesy when one of us feels down. His favorite are the brown ones. I like to think it's because it's the color of my eyes but I know that's ridiculous." I sigh
"You must have a lot of them"
I laugh
"A closet full of them actually. He always manages to bring a new one that says something different. I don't know how he keeps finding them" I smile.
"Hmm" he is all says.
It remains quiet for the rest of the way but when we're almost there he asks the one question I wish he wouldn't.
"So what did the bear say?"
In spite of my mood I smile
"It says 'I love you" though he doesn't mean it the way I'd like him to its still nice"
"So do you think you guys are making progress? How much longer do you think this is going to take?"
"Sorry to be such an inconvenience" I say getting out of the car since we had already arrived to school.
I hear him groan and get out of the car.
"Sorry!" he exclaims "I didn't mean it like that. I was just….I mean I really was just asking."
I stay where I am, leaning against the car door with my arms crossed, and don't turn. He comes over and hugs me.
"I'm sorry Bella" he whispers "I keep messing up with you lately. Please say you forgive me"
"I forgive you for this last one" I say raping my arms around his midsection " what happened yesterday wasn't your fault. Rosalie wanted to remind me of something. It was my fault for forgetting it. As for the whole making me feel bad part well…you didn't make me as sensitive as I am so in my book you don't have to apologize for that either so please be at peace."
"Bella you can't be serious" he says pulling away and looking at me "you can't seriously be blaming yourself for everything that happened yesterday or how you felt please tell me you're kidding me."
"That's how I see things" I shrug "and how I deal with them to make myself stronger" I look away.
"Bella" Edward says grabbing my chin to make me look at him "You can't help how you feel. You can't blame yourself when others hurt you whether it be intentional or not the fact that you get hurt isn't your fault!"
"It is! Because I was the one who gave them the power to hurt me. But that's beside the point all you did yesterday was remind me of what I've always been." I stop and take a deep breath trying to stop the tears. "The unimportant one. Thank you I'd forgotten but now I remember and I realize that no matter what I do it won't change maybe now I can accept my fate" I smile a watery smile.
"Bella I've never wanted to slap some sense into a girl more than I do now" he says pulling away "do you hear yourself!"
"Will you please lower your voice?" I ask quietly "I don't want the others to feel bad"
"SCREW THEM!" he yells in a rage
He takes a few deep breathes before continuing.
"Bella you are important. One day you're going to meet someone to whom you're going to be the most important person in the world"
"No I won't" I say tearing up again "because like I told we're meant to be. Ever since we were born we've been destined to be together." I disagree quietly. I didn't want to risk my voice breaking.
"Well then maybe you should find someone else. He was the one that made you feel this way in the first place."
"I can't" we'll be married sooner or later.
"You mean you won't there's a difference Bella" he says angrily.
I know there's a difference Edward it just doesn't apply in my situation.
He's angry. Anger is good maybe now we can stop all this pretending we're friends and he can stop pretending he cares. Maybe now he'll ride with Rosalie every day. That's good.
"Is everything ok?" Rosalie asks
Speak of the devil
"Everything is fine Rosalie" I reply and this time there's an unmistakable hollowness in my voice. "Edward and I are having a slight disagreement"
"A slight disagreement!" Edward says getting my face through clenched teeth "is that all you see it as? As a little disagreement!"
"Edward why don't you go cool off for a second" Rosalie suggests.
"You're right" Edward agrees pulling back "because right now I seriously want to slap somebody" he storms off.
"What did you say to him?" she asks when he's out of hearing range "I've never seen him so angry with you before?"
"I was just stating some facts" I shrug "he disagrees and is over reacting. So what did you want to talk about Rosalie?"
"I uh" Rosalie says surprised "maybe we should wait until you feel better, you don't look so good"
I hadn't slept at all last night and I guess the make-up wasn't hiding much.
Then again it did fool Edward….
I shrug
"I'm fine" I say faking a smile "Don't be shy now Rosalie come on" I taunt
"Ok" she says slightly irritated.
She takes a deep breath and then continues.
"Look Bella I wanted to apologize about yesterday. I'm not going to say I didn't do it on purpose but I didn't realize how much it would hurt you"
I remain quiet for a second
"Everything is fine" I say looking through her and willing the tears away. I didn't want to cry in front of her.
"No it's not!" she interrupts.
"look I know what you were trying to prove ok that you were more important in Edward's life than I am and trust me I already knew that and I'm ok with that and" I say tearing up again "I know that when all is said and done its more likely than not that in the future you're still going to be by Edward's side, like you always are and I'm not and I'm ok with that really I am. I mean not a blonde right?" I say trying to laugh
Don't cry Bella! Don't cry!
"No Bella you"
"I mean" I say my voice breaking "he couldn't possibly be serious about anyone else that wasn't a blonde and I get it I'm just going to be a blimp on his road and trust me" I sniff "I'm ok with that. I just want what little time I have with him" my voice breaks and tears begin to fall "and then you blondes can have him back" I wiped away my tears and walked away.
I head straight for the school entrance. I hear both Edward and Rosalie call after me but I ignored them and when Edward tried to follow I asked him to leave me alone. I really needed to be alone.
Why was it that my fate would always be this? To be the unimportant one. Why couldn't Jake fall for me? Why couldn't I have been important to him? Why was I never important to anyone?
Stop this Bella! I admonish myself. Stop crying you're in school and besides you already accepted this yesterday. I wiped away the last of my tears and went to the bathroom to wash my face.
Jake will care. He already does care. He remembered our tradition.
As I wash my face and re-apply my make-up I start to feel dizzy. I hadn't really eaten since yesterday morning and I guess it was catching up to me.
Just as I was about to get out of the bathroom when everything went black.
EPOV
"Excuse me Mr. Edison can I borrow Edward and Jasper for a moment?" Rosalie says interrupting my class.
What is she doing here?
"Of course Ms. Hale"
Both Jasper and I get up confused.
"What do you want Rose? Haven't you caused enough trouble?" I ask irritated
I couldn't find Bella anywhere and I was slightly worried but since Black wasn't in sight either I assumed they were together.
"Hey don't pull this on me you were the one who didn't tell her we weren't together, but that's not important. Tanya called and said she had been trying to get a hold of you but you weren't answering." she glares "So she called me"
"Yeah so"
"She found Bella in the bathroom passed out and took her to the nurse's office."
I set off running as soon as she said it.
Please be ok Bella I pray in my head please god please let her be ok.
I ignore the office secretary and head straight to the nurse's office. What I see when I open the door freezes me in place.
Black was sitting on a chair beside Bella's bed and was holding her hand. His back was to the door so he hadn't seen me come in though I don't think it would have mattered either way. He was so worried he could have missed a train wreck.
"Sorry for worrying you guys" she says not seeing me either. Black takes his other hand and starts to caress the side of her face. I see Tanya to my left side with her back to the two love birds. Poor Tanya she didn't deserve this.
"I'm really embarrassed. I should've known better knowing how weak I am I should've known something like this would happen. It's all my fault I haven't eaten since yesterday and PLEASE don't tell Gloria I made her think I had eaten. I'm sorry please don't tell her promise you won't tell her" she says clutching his hand.
"I won't but you have to promise me you won't do this again and that you'll eat something SOON" he frowns playfully at her.
"I promise" she says smiling at him.
The smile said it all it was as clear as day that he was her whole world.
"And what about the make up?" he asks
"When I got up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror I looked like a zombie so I put on a little make up to not look so zombish." She laughs
She fucking laughs
My fist tightens around the door knob and I see my knuckles turning white.
"What the fuck is going on?" I ask through clenched teeth unable to take it any longer "what are you doing here?" I ask Black.
Tanya turns around relieved when she hears my voice.
"I have a right to be here" Black says standing up and putting himself between me and Bella. "I'm her friend. I've known her since she was born. When you didn't answer your phone Tanya called me and I carried her to the nurse's office. She fainted because she hasn't eaten anything since yesterday which is your fault by the way."
"Jake don't" Bella interrupts "It's not Edward's fault it's mine. I told you it was all me"
"Yes and it was all because of him" he says
I remain quiet. I hated to admit it but he was right.
"See he can't deny it he knows its his fault that's why he remains quiet" he continues.
"Jake" Bella warns
"Alright fine I'll leave but" he turns around towards her again "remember what you promised me"
"I promise face stuffing is in the future" they smile at each other and then he leans down and presses a kiss on her forehead.
The nerve of him!
My fist tightens on the door knob again.
He leaves forgetting Tanya again.
BPOV
"Tanya wait up" I call as she's about to leave "Can I talk to you for minute?"
"Yeah sure" she says without turning around.
"Edward can you and Jasper leave us alone for a minute" I ask
He looks at both of us before shrugging and closing the door behind him.
"I don't know where to begin" I admit when the door closes "There's so many things I want to apologize for" I take a deep breath "first of all I want to thank you for bringing me to the nurse and not just leaving me there"
"You're welcome" she says still not turning.
"Second" I continue "I want to apologize for what you saw. I'm sorry you had to see that" I say referring to how close Jake and I were and how she'd found out about the bear "I tried to get him to"
"I know. He wouldn't listen. He didn't care at that moment. I didn't exist. Edward didn't exist. Only you and Jacob Existed and you were hurt so I get it it's not your fault. You tried he just forgot I was even there. The fact that he left me behind proves it even more."
"I'm sorry" I say again "Third I'm sorry that I will take Jake away from you" I'm sorry for plotting this for wanting to hurt you like this. "I'm sorry Tanya. I know this must be hard for you"
"It comes with the territory. Heck it's not every day I agree to be the girlfriend of an engaged man. I know I brought most of it on myself. I guess I'm hoping I'm going to be the one to take him away from you. Sorry" she says turning slightly.
"It's ok" I say. I know it won't happen though. Even if my plan fails and Jake doesn't fall for me he will marry me because he gave up trying to stop it a long time ago.
"I guess I know how you felt yesterday. It sucks. Is that all?" she asks.
"Yes"
She turns and leaves without giving me chance to say goodbye.
"Hey" Edward says coming in "I sent Jasper back to class. I'll take you to your class when you're ready" he starts pacing.
I nod though I'm not sure he sees it.
I can tell he's irritated by something.
"What's wrong?" I ask when I can't take his pacing anymore.
"You know I never would of thought of you as someone who liked to rub it in. I guess that as long as you and Black end up together the whole world can just go screw themselves is that it? Did you even care about Tanya at all?"
"Edward" I say and he stops his pacing "I do care because I know how it feels like that's why I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen. That's why I wanted Tanya to stay so that I could apologize to her. I know that in the future I'm going to cause her even more pain but" I sigh "Jake should've never gone out with her this close to our 18th birthdays." I say without thinking.
"What does that have to do with anything?" he asks coming to sit on the chair beside my bed.
"What" I say panicking. "Well you see Jake and I are uh going to uh college together and I'm pretty sure it was mutually agreed that we wouldn't see anyone else but I wasn't so sure anymore so that why I came up with this plan" I say nervously.
"So how are you?" he asks not looking completely convinced but letting it go.
"I'm fine. I just didn't eat and I hardly slept"
"I know I heard. The lack of sleep explains the make-up that you don't usually wear" he says "but you haven't answered my question ARE you ok?"
I look at him confused.
"Are you done being an idoit? About the whole 'I'm unimportant' crap and the 'it's all my fault' bullshit"
"Yes" I smile "if this situation proved anything it's that he cares about me and that I'm his priority even though he doesn't always show it" my smile grows bigger
Knock knock
"Here's the food you ordered Mr. Cullen" the secretary says handing him a tray of food.
"Thank you that's all you may leave" he says and hands the tray of food to me. "Here eat this" it's a cereal bowl with milk and a banana.
"Thank you Edward I thought I was going to have to wait until I first break" I say smiling.
I couldn't believe he'd ordered me food. I was so touched.
"While you're eating I want to clarify something and I want you to listen to me without interrupting me ok?"
I nod
"I'm not sleeping with Rosalie. When I said she was family I meant she was like an annoying sister. I told you that my cousin Emmett was like a brother to me right?" he asks
I nod
"Well Emmett is going out with Rose"
"Really?"
"Yes. They've been dating for like 3 years now. The reason I'm telling you this is because I don't want you to think things that are not true."
"Thank you for telling me this. I know you don't like explaining things to people so thank you"
He nods
"Now hurry up and eat so we can get out of here"
When we're on our way to class he stops by a vending machine and gets me a bag of trail mix.
"What's this for?"
"For you" he says "didn't you say you were going to stuff your face or something? Well I'm just helping you out" he shrugs.
I laugh but take the bag.
I realize just how serious he is when at the end of every class I get something new from him.
"You seem much better Bella" Jake comments at the end of gym "I'm glad I take from your happy expression that everything between you and Edward is ok?"
I nod
"Good" he says and then leaves.
I felt bad for Tanya. I knew I should say something to Jake about how he ignored her at the nurse's office but if I did that would go against what I'm trying to achieve. What if he suddenly fell for her and decided not to marry me. No I couldn't say anything besides I'm sure Tanya already talked to him about it after all she is Tanya.
"Why the long face?" Edward asks when he sees me.
"You're going to think I'm crazy" I say "I think I should say something to Jake about what happened this morning but I'm not so sure that's such a good idea you know for our plan"
"You're right it's not a good idea so just put if off your mind" he says
"I know but I can't help but feel a little selfish you know?"
"We all have to be selfish sometimes Bella otherwise we won't ever get what we want and might end up giving up something or someone that made us truly happy. I mean look at what happened between you and Black for example you were so selfless you let him do what he wanted and ended up with me" he gives me a lopsided smile.
"Gloria said pretty much the same thing the other day" I say "and you aren't so bad"
"Yeah I know but ideally you wouldn't have wanted to be here right now with me you would want to be with Black"
I didn't know what to say I mean he was right I want to be with Jake and wish he was but now that I am with him I have discovered he isn't such a bad person well except for the fact that he has no qualms about sleeping with passed out girls.
"You aren't as bad as you think. When all this is over I'm sure you and Tanya will be very happy" I smile.
He didn't say anything and we got in his car. It was quiet for most of the way.
Sigh
Its Thursday…last week we watched movies and it was so much fun
I sigh
Another day alone
"So I was thinking" he says breaking the silence in what felt like forever
"What" I ask
"Well I'm not busy today and I was thinking I would burden you further with my presence. How about we watch a couple of movies?" he asks smiling
"Really" I ask excited
He nods his smile getting bigger.
"Thank you" I squeal and give him a brief hug.
I didn't think it would ever happen again. I was sure it was only a one-time thing and that he had been so bored he wouldn't do it again but he is and I'm super excited!
"Since I chose last time I think it's only fair if you choose this time" I say.
"Really? I thought you would want to go through all those chick flicks you haven't watched" he says surprised.
"Yeah but that wouldn't be fair" I shrug.
"That's never stopped my sister or any of the other women in my life. How about we each pick one and then decide between the two about the third?"
"Won't you be in trouble again though?" I frown "I don't want you getting in trouble" because of me.
"I got excused from dinner this time" he says smiling reassuringly "So which movie would you like to watch?"
"I don't know" I say there were so many I longed to watched with someone I don't know which to choose " you've probably watched them all though"
"Technically" he says "but I zoned out during 90% of them" he laughs.
"Isn't movie night supposed to be about bringing your family together?"
"Again technically but it always turns into a war between my sister and I" he says "you see Alice always gets Rosalie on her side and then Rose gets Emmett. Jasper is loyal so he sides with me and then my mom feels bad and sides with me. Then like I said my dad is always the deciding vote and Alice tends to manipulate him into choosing her side through guilt trips"
"I would've thought your cousin Emmett would side you"
"And he would if Rose didn't threaten him with no sex"
"Why don't you find something he likes just as much as sex and bribe him with it" I suggest "I mean I'm sure he can you know" I blush "live without it for a while or you can pick a movie that both you and Alice would like"
"I'll try it next time thanks" he smiles.
I smile back instantly.
"We're here" he announces.
"Gloria we're" I say opening the door.
"Well it's about time you showed your face around here" she says interrupting me and looking directly at Edward " you shouldn't abandon your girlfriend so much you know. It's been a week since you've come by someone might come and steal her away. She's very beautiful you know and"
"Gloria" I say mortified "stop"
"I'm just warning him Ms. Bella so it won't come as a surprise"
"Thanks for the warning" Edward says "I'll keep it in mind. I wouldn't want someone to steal her away" he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him and kisses my temple.
"Gloria could you please bring us some snacks? Edward will be staying for some movies" I say blushing still embarrassed.
She bows and leaves
"I'm sorry" I begin but before I can continue he puts 2 fingers on lips stopping me.
"don't apologize she was just looking out for you" he says "now come on lets decide which movies we'll watch" he puts his arm around my shoulder once again and pulls me to the couch. He keeps his hand around my shoulder the whole time.
We settle for watching "Marley and Me", my choice, first then we'll watch "The Mummy: Return of the Dragon Emperor" and lastly his choice "The Godfather" as his choice.
"I can't believe you haven't watched it" he says surprised "I thought everybody had. I mean it's a classic"
I just shrug.
We watch the first two movies but then Gloria calls us to dinner. Thankfully she doesn't say anything else that would embarrass me.
EPOV
After dinner we go back to the living room to watch the last movie and I again put my hand around her shoulder and half way through the movie she falls asleep with her head on my chest.
I smile and stare down at her.
I feel awful for abandoning her from what Gloria had said I knew she had had a miserable week.
I'm sorry Bella but we can't get any closer than we already have. It's too dangerous for you. Still though I can't bring myself to abandon you like I did this week. I don't want to cause you any pain. I don't to be like Black.
I groaned my head falling back.
What am I going to do?
"She fell asleep?" Gloria asks interrupting my thoughts.
"Yeah" I say smiling "she had a bit of a hard day. Can you do me a favor?" I ask. I knew I was betraying her in a way but I didn't want what happened today to happen again. "Can you make sure that she eats and sleeps well and that she's ok? I know you do that already but please for me? And if you ever suspect that something is wrong can you please call me? I'll leave my number"
"Of course" she says with a knowing smile.
She nods still smiling.
I carry her bridal style to her room. I settle her on her bed and take her shoes off before covering her with her blanket. I know I should leave but instead I kneel beside her bed and take her hand in mine and caress the side of her face. Somewhere deep down I'm aware that I'm doing the same thing Black did this morning and I probably have the same expression on my face he had on his.
"What am I going to do with you Bella?" I whisper "I can't think straight anymore and the lines are beginning to blur. Every time I see you your beauty leaves me breathless and I get this powerful urge to kiss your soft and delectable looking lips. I want to be with you all the time but at the same time I want to protect you and I know that to do that I have to stay away; yet that longing to be with you is still there and gets stronger every single day. The stupid part about all of this is that you won't ever look at me or anyone else that isn't Black. I know it can never be me but I wish you would find someone who makes you laugh all the time and doesn't hurt you" I sigh "it's useless thinking like this"
I stay there a couple more minutes just looking at her beautiful face then before I leave I kiss her forehead and because I can't help myself I also kiss her lips which makes my heart ache.
I leave Gloria my number and leave.
"Edward where have you been?" my father asks as soon as I walk in the door.
"I was out. Didn't mom tell you?"
"She did. Were you out with Isabella Swan again?"
"Again? I haven't been out with her since last week"
"You're keeping track? Are you also counting days?" he says in a slightly taunting voice.
I remain quiet.
"I was informed that there was an incident at school regarding her. Is she alright?"
"Yes she fainted from lack of sleep and she hadn't eaten since yesterday but she's ok now"
"I was also told you've been rejecting potential recruits"
"I could tell they weren't serious about it and I decided it wasn't worth the time"
"Are you sure that was the only reason?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I say frowning
"It means that you might be rejecting them because you don't want to go through with it because of the girl"
"That's ridiculous!" I yell getting angry "you know why I'm with her and you've never questioned my decisions before what's all this about? Did Rose or Jasper say something?"
"They didn't. I have other informants Edward and I'm just making sure your head is still in the game."
"Whatever" I say rolling my eyes "is the inquisition over?"
"Just a couple of things" he says calmly "first change your tone with me I'm you father and stand straight"
I do as he says
"Good. How much longer Edward?"
I know what he's talking about. I put on my poker face before answering.
"Not much longer. The Asshole finally showed some interest and I'm convinced he knew about her feelings and that he also feels the same way he just wanted to sleep around first before being with her for some reason." I say clenching my fists.
"Good. Next time you're not coming to dinner you get permission from me not your mother are we clear?"
I nod
"You may go" he says
I turn to leave.
"Oh and Edward" he says. I stop but don't turn "I saw that clenched fist and that poker face. I know you're getting attached and it's not good. Not only for her but for you as well. It's in your best interest to resolve this quickly"
I nod but I'm sure he sees it though.
"You may go"
On my way to my room I encounter Jasper and motion for him to follow me. Once inside I start to pace.
"I can't take it! I have to tell someone"
"What's wrong Edward? Was it something Carlisle said? I know he wanted to talk to you" he asks after a few minutes.
"It's nothing my father said. It's me" I groan and fall back on my bed. "It's about Bella. I think you and Rose were right. I am getting more attached then she is but don't blame her it's not her fault"
"what do you mean?"
I sit up.
"I've been lying to you guys I shouldn't even be telling you this but if I don't I feel like I'm going to go crazy! You see the night of the party when Bella came up to me it was to ask me for help. She wants to get Black back and she thinks that he doesn't see her as a woman. So she thought that if she was with someone else that would make him see her as a woman. She thinks I want Tanya back so she asked me I think the fact that I always sleep with my girlfriends also had something to do with it" I exhale and rub my eyes " I don't know why I agreed so don't ask. I just did and I made everyone believe, including Bella herself, that I slept her. She passed out and when she woke up and asked if we had I said yes and we've been pretending all this time" I hang my head.
"I see the problem now" Jasper says
"I don't even know when it happened all I know is that somewhere along the line I didn't need to tell myself to be gentle with her, to be careful, to hold her hand, to kiss her because they came naturally. Today made me realize that I'm I love her"
Wow! That went WAY longer than I thought it would. Glad you guys are enjoying my story thank you to those of you who reviewed like I mentioned before they make my day and please keep them coming.
Hope you guys like this
Also if there are any mistakes or something sorry I'm kinda tired hahaha