"So explain capture the flag to me;" I said to Thalia. "It's simple; the only rules are no killing or maiming and stay within the boundaries. Chiron will give us any details. The goal is to capture the other team's banner."

The hunters were filling their quivers with non-lethal arrows like low grade taser arrows, blunted arrows that knock people on their butts, signal arrows and smoke screen arrows. Thalia handed me a spear and a light round shield. The spear was pretty cool. It wasn't like hers, which gave electrical shocks. The one she gave me was also magical. I spun it and it collapsed to a harmonica. With a grin, I played a short little tune before stowing it in a pocket and putting my shield on my back. "I'll be right back, Thals."

Quickly, I hustled over to the Cabin 8 and grabbed a canteen of Moonwater, some ambrosia and a hooded duster that would shift and change with my surroundings like a chameleon. When I had what I wanted, I ran back to the hunters, grinning broadly. "Right, so what's the plan?"

It was then that I noticed the Chiron and Artemis were talking to Thalia. She looked a little sheepish and unhappy. Taking my arm, she pulled me to the side. "Artemis and Chiron just told me; you have to fight with the demigods."

I was crestfallen. "Why?" I asked quietly. She smiled and said, "Because you are one. You're a camper here now, not a hunter - at least not technically."

I felt suddenly rejected - not by Thalia, she was just following my mom's orders. I couldn't help but look sharply over at my mom before turning back to Thalia. "But that's not fair. You're all like my sisters! I can't fight against you!"

She smiled and reached up. As I always did, I lowered my head and let her ruffle my hair. "It's okay, Arty; we still are your sisters, alright? But Artemis has a point; you do need to get used to fighting with other demigods and what better way than in a controlled setting like this."

We were both quiet for a second and she grinned. "It's okay; you can still keep the spear and shield."

That made me grin and I hugged her before shooting one last hurt glare at my mom and running over to the Camp Half-blood demigods. Percy Jackson gave me a confused look. I shrugged uncomfortably. "Mom says that I'm on your team now."

He nodded. "I see; well it does make sense, Arthur. Welcome to the team. Come on, the cabin leaders are holding a council of war. Being the only member of the Artemis cabin, you should join us."

It was a pretty big group, unsurprising considering the number of gods. I recognized Jason, Leo, Annabeth, Piper, Will and Clarisse but introductions were necessary. When that was out of the way, they all looked at Annabeth. "What's the plan, Wisegirl?" asked Clarisse. Annabeth had this calculated look in her eyes and I could tell she was coming up with a plan. "I think that Ares and Apollo will be our offensive group and Athena and Hephaestus will head up the defense. We have four children of the big three so two on defense and two on offense. Jason, you and Nico will take offense. Hermes should go with the offense as well since they are fast and sneaky. They can scout out the best route to advance."

Everyone was nodding. Piper lifted a hand. "That puts a lot of heavy hitters on offense."

Clarisse grinned wickedly and said, "That's how it should be, Beauty Queen. The best defense is a good offense."

Piper rolled her eyes and Annabeth continued. "Demeter, Dionysus and Aphrodite will be on defense."

There were winces obvious in the group. Apparently, some people were leery of the plan. "Athena cabin will be on defense too so we have some advanced combatants defending our territory. The Nike cabin will be on offense too. We need that extra push and motivation if we are going to have a chance. The rest of the cabins..." and she paused for a moment before saying, "Half of the Iris cabin will be offense and half on defense. They can keep each other informed of the situation. Hecate will be on defense as well. Use the mist to mess things up if you can. Tycke, Hebe, Hypnos and Nemesis will all be on defense. Scatter throughout the woods in groups and make sure the there is always a couple of kids with the Hypnos campers so they don't decide to take a nap and leave a chunk of the woods open for travel. Any questions?"

Heads shook until Percy said, "Where should I be?"

"The creek, obviously; that way you can give those hunters a bath if they come by."

We all chuckled before heading over to where Chiron, Mister D, my mom and Calypso were. Suddenly, it hit me; what was I supposed to do. I hurried over to Annabeth and asked, "Hey, where do you want me? What should I do?"

She blushed dark red and said, "Oh Tartarus, I completely forgot about you! I'm so sorry!"

I brushed it away with a smile. "It's all good. Where should I be?"

She chewed her lip and considered me before saying, "You know more about the hunters' tactics than any of us. What do you think you should do?"

I scratched my chin and realized that I need to shave. My uneven peach fuzz was coming in again. With a sigh, I said, "I'll take to the woods and keep up a patrol on our side of the creek. If I know my sisters, they'll be using a big group to try and keep our focus in the wrong place and use multiple smaller teams to try and get our flag."

Annabeth nodded. "Sounds good."

We listened as Chiron explained the rules. "Listen up, hunters and campers; here are the rules: any campers not injured are required to play; the creek is the boundary and the whole forest is fair game; any and all magic items are in play; the flags must be prominently displayed, can only be guarded by two players and they cannot be any closer than ten yards than it; no killing or maiming; prisoners can be disarmed by not bound or gagged. Now, I will be serving as reffery and Calypso and I will also be battlefield medics. Any questions?"

Heads shook and we all headed off to our places and we waited for the horn. I scratched my chin and looked at the demigods around me. Each cabin was preparing in different ways. The Ares cabin and Apollo cabin were forming up with the offensive group. Hephaestus campers were setting traps and such and the Athena cabin were discussing strategy. Annabeth and her brother Malcolm were the two flag guards. To my unending amusement, the Aphrodite cabin, with the exception of Piper McLean, were adjusting their polished armor. One of them, Drew I remembered her name was, sidled on over to me. "Hello, Arthur;" she said sweetly. "Hi, Drew."

"You're looking very nice this morning;" she purred, adjusting my magic camo duster. I blushed and managed to say, "Thanks. Uh... you are too."

"Thank you, Sweetie;" she said, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "Want a kiss for luck?"

Before I could say yes or no, the horn went off and I grinned. "I'll be around; gotta go hunting my sisters."

With a wink, I took off into the woods. At first, I started laying really simple, yet effective, traps. The goddess Britomartis had taught me herself. She was a hunter of Artemis herself and I always just called her Aunt Britomartis. I was pretty good. When I had used as much material as I had, I just ran, keeping my senses alert. It wasn't long before I saw the minuscule rustles and tiny noises that meant the hunters were in the woods. I climbed a tree and drew a blunt arrow. I saw the forms of a couple of silver clad hunters sneaking through the woods. I fired, drew and fired again. The sound of yelps and groans came and I felt bad. These girls had helped raise me and taught me a lot. It honestly sucked not to be on their team. Quickly, I went to them to make sure they were okay. One of them, Laurel, was holding her ribs. The other, Tessa, was rubbing her shoulders. Unable to help myself, I dropped the hood of my cloak. "Are you two okay?"

They looked at me with glares at first but then sighed and said, "Yeah, we're fine, Arty; don't feel bad. This is how the game is played."

"That's right;" said a voice from behind me. It was one of the kids from the Demeter cabin and with him were a couple of kids from Dionysus and Iris. "We'll take them to jail. You keep doing your thing, Arthur."

I still felt bad and gave my sisters an apologetic look before lifting my hood and running into the trees again. This time, it was my turn to be ambushed. The only reason I avoided being taken or hit was that I sensed them at the last second. You know that feeling that you get when someone is watching you intently? That's what saved me. I dropped and rolled as three arrows smacked the tree next to me. They would have slammed into my chest. A curse came from some bushes and I dove for them, grabbing my spear and shield. In a three on one fight, I knew I was in trouble. I was a pretty good fighter but they were good too. Two of them were using the long hunting knives that all hunters carried and the other used a sword in tandem with hers. They tried to surround me but I refused to let that happen. If I did, I was done for. Just before they were about to overpower me, a figure came out of the woods and engaged the hunters. It was the African-American girl, Hazel Levasque. She fought skillfully with her long, golden colored sword. The hunters were pushed back and, after realizing that they were being bested, took off towards the creek. "Come on!" said Hazel, grabbing my arm, "We need to get back! A dozen hunters are over running the guards at the flag!"

As fast as our legs could carry us, we charged back through the woods. The scene near our flag was chaos. Annabeth and Malcolm were being overrun. A few of the Aphrodite campers were trying to help but they really weren't fighters. The first thing I did was fire a signal arrow into the sky. It flashed and streamed red smoke as is flew straight up. After that, I began firing at the hunters pressing Annabeth and Malcolm. Every time I hit one, I winced and felt worse and worse about it but I wasn't about to stop. If there is one thing my mother and aunt and the hunters taught me was to complete the hunt, to finish the mission.

Thalia saw me and decided that I was a bigger threat than the others, though I couldn't imagine why. Wouldn't Percy be a better target? Or even Hazel? She was a daughter of Hades, one of the most powerful Olympians. Either way, I got two arrows at her, which she deflected with her shield Aegis. I was barely able to get my spear and shield out before she was on me. I knew that I wasn't going to last long. Thalia was much better than me at fighting with a spear and shield. Proving my own point, she got past my guard and jabbed me in the ribs. Electricity shot through me and I collapsed. I saw that the hunters had gotten a hold of the flag and were running it but before they even got out of sight, there was a cheer from the direction of the creek. Just as I was able to sit up, Frank Zhang ran up with the hunter's banner. Thalia scowled but still helped me up. "Wow! That thing still smarts;" I muttered. She grinned at me. "You really need to work on your spear fighting, Moonboy."

I groaned and said, "Yeah, I know."

Chiron galloped in with Calypso on his back. He was trying hard not to grin too broadly as he said, "For the first time in fifty-seven consecutive games, the demigods win!"

The campers cheered and I couldn't help but smile. It had been fun.

We all headed back towards the cabins, the demigods talking animatedly about the game. I was in a mixed mood. On one hand, I was glad to be on the winning team but at the same time, it felt so weird to be against the hunters. We got to the pavilion and Mister D and Artemis were there. When I saw my mom, I felt my resentment returning. It still hurt that she just pushed me off on the campers. It was like, now that I was at camp, she didn't want me with the Hunters anymore.

With my mood totally soured now and I hung out in the back of the crowd, looking down at the ground. In front of me, Sarah Bertelly muttered to one of her cabin mates, "That wasn't that big of a deal; those hunters are overrated."

I snapped, "That's funny, didn't Chiron just say that it was the first time the campers had won in fifty-seven consecutive games."

They both turned to face me and Sarah demanded, "Who's side are you on, anyway, Pretty boy?"

"Aww, you think I'm pretty?" I said sarcastically and Sarah's face burned bright red. "Shut up! What use were you anyway? All you did was stroll into the woods while the rest of us were fighting. What was wrong? Worried about hurting your little sisters?"

I was this close to punching her right in the face. The comment really got to me because I partially felt the same way. I wasn't chosen to be part of the team and I was kicked off the hunter's team. I didn't belong to either group, not really at any rate.

Instead of giving her a much needed punch in the nose, I turned and headed towards Cabin 8. I was almost to the door when a voice came from behind me. "Is something the matter, Arthur?"

I turned and glared at my mom. She was in her twelve or thirteen year old form again. "No, nothing at all; I was just kicked out of the hunters without any heads up and even during the game, I was barely part of the demigods team. But no, nothing's wrong."

Her face was expressionless as she studied mine and that just made me angrier. A hundred nasty and stupid remarks swam through my head but she was my mom - and a goddess, so I just looked away, turning back to go into the cabin. "Come with me, Son;" she said quietly. I didn't want to but I obeyed in silence. We walked out towards Halfblood Hill. Finally, my mom said, "The truth is, you aren't one of my hunters, Arthur. You really never were."

That hurt and I was barely able to keep tears from spilling down my face. "You are my son and boys are not allowed to be hunters. That's one of the reasons you never joined me or the hunters on our quests or in our battles during the wars. Even so, I've broken the rules for too long. Gods and goddesses are not supposed to interact with their demigod children. The only reason Zeus let me was because most of the time, I was off doing things for Olympus and, especially during the wars, you were staying with Leto."

Leto was my grandmother. She was the most motherly person I'd ever met. She was sweet and caring and took good care of me. Whenever the hunters went to fight, during the Titan and Giant Wars, that's where mom had sent me. My mom continued, "Now Zeus has decided that you need to be here, just like all the other Greek demigods. I have to follow the rules from and that means limited contact from now on."

It didn't make me feel any better. With a tiny smile, Artemis took my shoulder and pointed me towards the camp. "Look at them, Arthur. No matter who their godly parent is, they look after one another."

I refused to nod or say anything, petulantly remaining stone faced. With a sigh, Artemis said, "I'm sorry, Arthur. I was never a very good mother. I kept pushing you off on my hunters, Britomartis and my mother."

Unable to help myself, I blurted out, "You only made me because dad couldn't have kids anyway. You never expected or wanted anything to do with me in the first place."

I felt bad immediately after I said it but I refused to apologies or say anything. A hurt look crossed her face and she sighed heavily. "Arthur, tomorrow the hunters and I are leaving. Zeus sent us word of monsters causing trouble in West Virginia and commanded that we take care of it. I know you're mad at me but please say goodbye to the hunters. They're going to miss you very much."

"I will;" I muttered. "Thank you;" she said before heading back to pavilion. I just ran off into the woods again. For one thing, I needed to disassemble my traps. For another, I really wanted to just be alone. As I worked, I allowed myself to indulge in self pity. I knew it didn't do any good but I was just so bummed out. "Hey kid; why the long face?"

I whirled around and their stood my Uncle Apollo. I grinned. We were best buddies whenever he was around. I stowed the last of my traps and we exchanged high fives. "So come on, Art, why so gloomy?"

I sighed and poured my heart out to him. Say what you want about Apollo, how he can be arrogant and egotistical and narcissistic but he always took the time for me and listened to my problems. I don't know why. Maybe since he wasn't allowed to interact with his own kids very much, he tried to make up for it by cheering me up. "Yeah, that's pretty rough, buddy. Truth is, you're mom's right. All the other gods, well those few who knew at any rate, have been grumbling that you were allowed to be with her when none of the others were. They were all sworn to secrecy and all but they still didn't like it so Zeus decided to enforce the law. Truth is, I can't think of better hands for her to leave you in. This camp will be good for you. Besides, weren't you always complaining that you never had any buddies?"

I couldn't help but smile. He had a point there. Clapping me on the back, Apollo said, "Come on. Let's get back to camp and see what's going on."

As we strolled into camp, everyone got excited as Apollo came in with me. He gave me a quick side hug before lifting his arms and saying, "How's it going, campers?"

I went back to Cabin 8, still in no mood to interact or take part in any camp activities. Once again, before I went inside, Chiron stopped me. "Arthur, my boy, I know that this is hard for you but believe me when I say that it's for the best."

I sighed and nodded. "I know it is, Chiron but I still don't like it."

"I know, my boy. I also know you don't feel at home here, being the only child of the huntress. But look over at Percy and at Nico. They're the only children of their godly parents permanently on residence and they found a place here. You can too but you can't just shut people out. Join us and let us be your friends. Don't push the other demigods away."

I knew he was right and grudgingly let him lead me back to the activity areas. Some of the Aphrodite campers were playing a game of volleyball with wood nymphs and Satyrs. Other campers were on the canoe pond, paddling away while others were at the archery range, the training arena and on the climbing wall. Wanting to work off some steam, I went to the archery range. Grabbing an armful of target arrows, I took my place and stuck them in the ground at my feet. Gazing at the target, I decided to try and make a constellation with my arrows. One arrow after the other, I hit the target. When I was done, the camper next to me, one of the Apollo kids I thought, asked, "Are you doing alright? That's a pretty messy target."

I chuckled and said, "I'm doing better. Can't you see? I made the Scorpio constellation."

When he examined target, she chuckled and said, "Nice."

We spent the next hour competing at who could be the better archer, using our arrows to form constellations. After that, I decided that I needed to head to the training arena. Like Thalia had said, my spear work needed more attention and I could always use practice with a sword. When I entered, I saw Jason Grace and Percy Jackson were conducting the training. After a smile and a nod at them, I grabbed a shield and a sword and waited for a partner. To my surprise, Piper McLean stepped across from me.

Now as I've said before, I'm a mediocre but she was from the Aphrodite cabin. I figured that even I wasn't going to have trouble with her. Boy, was I ever wrong.

It was less than thirty seconds before she had disarmed me and I stood stunned. "Woah..." I said. Smiling, she said, "Go get your sword."

I stood up and we crossed blades. Again, she disarmed me, this time, moving her sword point to my throat. Now I was just getting embarrassed. If I couldn't beat a daughter of the goddess of love, who could I beat?

Jason walked over and said, "Don't worry about it, Man. For a beauty queen, Piper is pretty remarkable with the sword. Keep at it and don't get discouraged."

With a self deprecating chuckled, I kept at it. Despite my initial embarrassment, I could tell I was getting better with the sword. By the time we called a halt, I had learned a half dozen new tricks to practice. Jason and Percy were laughing as I, once again retrieved my sword but I laughed with them. A snort came from not far and Sarah said, "Wow... you were disarmed like fifty times by and Aphrodite girl. Can you fight at all?"

I refused to let it get under my skin this time. Shrugging, I replied, "Hey, even I can't be good at everything. I prefer the bow but I'm pretty good with a spear too."

Sarah grinned and hefted her spear and shield. "Care to back up those words?"

I jogged over and grabbed a blunted spear. When hunting boar or bear, you didn't use a shield so I came back without on. Sarah frowned, "You're not grabbing a shield?"

"Who needs a shield?" I said with a grin. I gripped the spear in both hands and spun it. Sarah attacked viciously with a stab. I slapped it aside with the back end of my spear and retaliated. The problem was that it wasn't any easier to get past the shield than it would have been if I had done it. She covered herself well but, even with her lineage, she had only been doing this for two days. I had been doing this since I was six years old. When she tried to thrust again I deflected it, jabbed towards her feet. If forced her to drop the shield and open up her head and chest. Seeing her error, she began to back pedal. Quickly, I worked under her shield guard and butted her in the chest with my spear haft, winding her and bringing the tip up to her throat.

There was a low whistle behind me and several of the others clapped. Sarah was red with anger. "You think your so slick, don't you, Pretty Boy?"

I put my spear away and said, "Nope; I've just been doing this for most of my life. Like I said, I prefer the bow and my knife and tomahawk when in close combat. Anyhow, keep up the good work and maybe you'll be good as me someday."

She cursed and went for her sword but her siblings held her, glaring at me. I was whistling happily as the dinner horn sounded. Quickly, I ran to the pavilion, as did all the campers around me. The rest of the evening passed much the same way that the evening before did. This time, I was less energized. After dinner and the bonfire, I went back to the Artemis cabin and changed before collapsing on the bed.

The next morning before breakfast, the hunters were packed and ready to go. At first, I had petulantly decided that, unless she came to talk to me, I wasn't going to bother saying goodbye to my mom. If she wanted to leave me like that, it was up to her. The hunters, however, each came to hug me goodbye. Thalia reached up and ruffled my hair. "Take care, Arty. You're not going to have us all here to watch your back so be careful."

"That's alright;" I said. "I have the demigods now. They'll look after me if I need them to."

Thalia nodded and hugged me one more time before heading back to the rest of the hunters. I turned to walk away to see my mom behind me. Immediately, I felt bad. I realized that it was possibly going to be a very long time before I saw her again. "I may have made you as a gift for you father;" she said, "but that does not mean that I love you the less for it. You are still my child. I do not regret you in any way."

To my surprise, it warmed me to hear her say that. Even so, something was bothering her. "What's wrong?" I asked. She sighed and said, "You are still a male, Arthur and you will grow to be a man and I fear that the wonderful, innocent boy I made and found at your father's cabin will cease to exist, changed by the world, never to be the same again."

I understood and said, "That innocent little boy will be in here somewhere. There was something in my dad you saw that you were fond of, wasn't there?"

But she shook her head. "I don't know, Arthur; this world is hard and full of influences. You have blessedly sheltered for so long but now you will get to experience everything that I have kept you from. You will become a man - have already become a young man and I..."

She looked away and there was an added glimmer in her eyes. "I cannot trust men, Arthur."

"You trust Percy Jackson!" I protested. Artemis shook her head again. "That is different; Percy Jackson has earned my trust in a way that few men have or will. I trusted your father because I knew that he could not breach that trust. I..." and she looked wistful. "I loved him in a way that I love my brother Apollo, even though he was very much less annoying. But you, Arthur, I just..." and she shook her head again. I felt as though my heart was both turning to stone and shattering all at once. "Just go;" I whispered huskily. "Your beloved hunters need you."

I turned and ran for the woods. They were the only place in camp I could be right now. My mother did not trust me. The next time I saw her, she would see me as the same as every other man on the planet and that hurt more than I ever thought it could.

I don't know exactly how long I wandered the woods, shedding tears and hunting down any monsters that I could track. My focus was off and I only managed two. Finally, as the sun started to go down, I heard someone calling my name in the woods. Turning, I saw a trio of Satyrs coming towards me. One of them was older than the others and he carried a baseball bat. As he approached he roared, "What on earth is your malfunction, Cupcake?" he demanded. "People have been worried sick about you! Get your behind back to the cabins before I smack you so hard, your mommy and your daddy feel it, wherever they are."

That didn't help my mood. Were it someone that I was at least acquainted to, I would have exploded. Instead, I locked up. The old Satyr berated me the whole way back. Chiron looked sternly at me until he saw how upset I was. "Everyone, go back to what you were doing? Gleason, thank you but I will take it from here?"

"Are you sure he doesn't need a good...?" but Chiron cut the old Satyr off. "No, my friend; you've done enough. Arthur, come with me please."

I did, still stone faced. In the big house, Mister D looked at me and then at Chiron. "What's his problem?"

I glared arrows at him and Chiron replied, "Sir, with all do respect, I think you should go and message your wife. You haven't done so in over a week."

Mister D studied him and then shrugged, "Whatever you say, Chiron."

Chiron got me some tea but I ignored it. "I didn't expect you to take the hunters and your mother leaving so hard."

"I'm glad she's gone;" I couldn't keep from growling. That stopped him for a moment. "Who?"

"Artemis;" I all but exploded. "She's always pushed me off on the hunters and pushed me off on Leto. Now, just before she leaves, she tells me that she won't be able to trust. Do you know why?"

"Because you're a young man;" said Chiron quietly. "Because I'm a... yeah, that's why."

Chiron sighed and said, "Look Arthur, I know that must have been hard but tell me, would you rather know about this ahead of time or run into her on a quest and have her treat you like any other man she meets?"

"I'd rather she trust me!" I all but screamed. "I'd rather she remember that she made me. She's. My. MOM!"

Chiron was silent. Finally, about to cry like a baby again, I crossed my arms on the table and said bitterly, "I wish she'd never even made me. Wish she'd never even met my dad."

I felt Chiron's large hand on my shoulder. "My boy, your mother did to bring your father happiness. It is not her fault that he died unexpectedly. I do not necessarily agree with how your mother handled this. The question is, what are you going to do now?"

I looked up. "What?"

"What are you going to do now?"

I had no freakin' clue what I was going to do. "What can I do?"

Chiron gave me a smile that reminded me of my dad. "You can continue to let these feelings, justified as they are, to overwhelm you, or you can work through them. For better or worse, you're here now, child. So, I ask again, what will you do?"

I didn't want to admit the logic of his reasoning. I wanted to stay mad but I also realized that I couldn't. With a sigh, I stood and said, "Some day, I will earn my mother's trust just like Percy Jackson did. Until then, I guess I'll do..." and I paused before shrugging, "whatever it is you do here."

Chiron chuckled and said, "Good lad. We train heroes to survive here. Look, I know you can't just turn off these emotions and all that but you can't let them paralyze you. Your stronger than that."

I set my jaw and nodded. "Thank you, Chiron."

Chiron waved it away and picked up the cold tea. "That is why I'm here, my boy. Now go on. Your friends were a little worried about you."

I nodded and walked out of the big house. Taking a big breath of the cool, clear night air, I did feel better. Looking around, I saw some of the campers moving around. Off near the stables, my sharp eyes saw two kids hugging by the stables. Now, I have exceptional night vision. I could tell that it was a boy and girl hugging each other tightly and they looked like they could be Percy and Annabeth. I was about to jog over there when someone grabbed my arm and said, "Woah there, big guy! Where are you going?"

I turned to see Leo Valdez there with Calypso next to him. "I was just going to say hi to Percy and Annabeth. Why?"

Leo began to laugh. Calypso elbowed him and said, "Arthur, I think they'd rather be alone at the moment. They don't get a lot of time alone together and..." and she fumbled for words. I didn't understand until I looked back at them. It was at that moment, I understood and felt like a moron. "Oh..."

My cheeks burned and cursed the fact that I had been raised in such a sheltered life. Leo slapped my back and said, "Ah! Me hermano! Fifteen years with the hunters doesn't teach you about stuff like that, does it?"

Calypso elbowed him again and hissed, "Leo! Stop it!"

With a sigh, I said, "If anyone wants to know where I am, I'll be hanging myself with my bow string in my cabin."