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Stardate 54884.7 Personal Log Entry, Cadet Icheb
I guess I've been showing how much I miss Neelix by the way I've been acting. Everyone asks me how I'm doing whenever they pass me in the corridors. Naomi and I hiked a portion of Tom's Yellowstone Park hiking trail by ourselves this morning, and we agreed that losing Neelix had been as difficult as losing Mezoti.
When I went to Astrometrics after the hike, Harry came by and asked me - of course - how I was doing. I explained I'm doing "as well as expected." Harry commiserated with me. He asked me if I play a lot of Kadis-Kot with Naomi. I do sometimes, but the game is a little simple for me now. I remembered what young Brax said about his mother letting him win games sometimes, and I must admit I've done that with Naomi occasionally, too. She's good at the game, however, and she beats me 'fair and square' most of the time.
Harry offered to teach me a Vulcan game, Kal-Toh. I've heard of it, and I've seen Harry play it with Commander Tuvok a couple of times while visiting Neelix's resort program. No one ever asked me if I'd like to learn how to play it before. It sounds like a challenge. When I mentioned it to Seven tonight, she agreed it would be a "positive recreational activity to cultivate." I'm not surprised. The object of the game is to attain perfection by creating a Kal-Toh sphere. She told me not to become too discouraged. It takes years for most people to learn. I asked her if she ever played it. She admitted she had, but she wouldn't give me any details. I think I'll have to ask Harry. I think there's a story there. Harry admitted that he's never beaten Tuvok at Kal-Toh, but, as he said, "practice makes perfect." I've heard that often enough. Still, I'd like to try. I told Harry I'd love to learn how to play the game.
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For several hours, Icheb had been in the lab adjacent to Sickbay, peering through the microscope to study the Borg-killing genes buried inside his genome. He'd come to the conclusion that the creation of "chaos out of order" needed to occur much more quickly to be effective against the Borg. It couldn't take hours; the change needed to come within minutes to protect Voyager and its crew.
He'd completed several experiments, tweaking the genes involved to see if he could accomplish a speedier destruction of the nanoprobes injected for assimilation. The last one showed great promise. When the unmodified nanoprobes had been introduced into the tweaked blood sample, they'd barely begun to multiply before distortions in the initial stages of implant formation were noticeable. He speculated that this is might be what happened when he was assimilated. The improper development of his implants in the maturation chamber prevented him from becoming fully Borg.
From the data node obtained from their cube before its destruction, he knew Mezoti had been in a maturation chamber longer than he had. Mezoti's cortical node had been much closer to completion before she'd been thrust out of her deteriorating maturation chamber. Although he used to be able to communicate subvocally with the twins and First, Mezoti was the one with whom he'd had the easiest time. She'd also had the capacity to shut him out of her mind whenever she wanted. Thus, the implants which formed first did appear to be those related to the cortical array, and then the node, the center of communication with the hive. From what he was seeing in his experiments, Icheb was convinced the breakdown of the link between drones had been the key factor in the death of the drones on their cube.
That thought brought another to mind. The twins and First had been assimilated even earlier than Mezoti had. Icheb once noted that each drone's development in a maturation chamber did not always follow the same pattern. That's why First knew things Icheb did not, when First took over leadership of their Children's Collective, and why Icheb possessed knowledge about the cube's systems that First had not understood. The twins communicated seamlessly with one another, although despite that close bond, they apparently did not realize when Mezoti was "listening in" to what they thought were private conversations with each other.
Did genetics play a part? The way the twins behaved suggested it might, since they shared the same basic genome. When adults were assimilated, medical drones immediately fitted each new "recruit" with a set of attachments to serve different functions within the Collective. Was that done on a totally random basis, according to need, or did genetic predisposition play a part in the assignment of a given drone's tasks?
It was all really quite fascinating to consider. Icheb understood why the Doctor could spend hours luxuriating in such details. Icheb wouldn't mind studying this subject more closely either, if the Borg didn't pose such a danger to every independently functioning sentient being in the galaxy. Because of that danger, Icheb meant to find a way to end the Collective, if he could. If all drones were separated from that singular mind of the Queen, would they be able to function independently, as Seven and Icheb himself now did? Would they need special medical treatment to survive as Seven , and to a lesser extent, Icheb himself had? It was a puzzle he would examine carefully, as long as it did not distract him from his primary purpose: producing a serum that would rapidly cause the destruction of a given cube's ability to overpower and enslave other beings.
His spine began to ache from the way he was bent over his instrument. Icheb arose from his stool and stretched. He still had an implant along his vertebrae, although, like so many of a Borg's normal systems, it had failed to develop the way it should have in him. The Doctor had not removed the one bothering him now because of its position along his spinal cord. Normally, it didn't cause problems for him. Unlike Seven, who felt pain when she wasn't wearing a built-up heel, Icheb had no trouble walking barefoot or placing his heel flat on the ground. As he straightened his back, Icheb couldn't help smiling at the thought that while Seven may have required a raised heel for comfort, a spike heel had not been necessary. That was undoubtedly something the Doctor had chosen to do for aesthetic reasons, and possibly for his own pleasure!
After his recent "deathbed confession" of love to Seven, when he thought his program was contaminated beyond repair and he would "die," everyone knew the EMH had loved Seven "for years." It was unfortunate for the Doctor that this confession, like the others he'd made at the time, turned out to be premature. B'Elanna had been able to remove the superfluous files degrading his program; and he continued to be the same lovable, but occasionally clueless, EMH they'd all come to appreciate. Now the Doctor had to live with the knowledge that some of his deepest secrets were known to everyone on Voyager's crew.
Had the EMH been attracted to Seven right from the very beginning? When he'd removed much of the Borg machinery from her body after her separation from the Collective, the Doctor had certainly had restored her to a very beautiful human appearance. He'd taken care to construct a visual implant for her left orbital socket that matched her organic right eye, for example. Wherever the Doctor had been forced to do a little plastic surgery, he'd apparently been quite faithful to the adult she would have become if she'd never encountered the Borg. From what Aunt Irene had mentioned during their most recent Project Watson visit, Seven's face and figure closely resembled her parents' physical attributes. She'd said, "My brother Magnus was so very handsome, and my sister-in-law Erin was lovely. You look exactly like I would expect their child to look as an adult. I wish . . . well, I wish you could have known them longer, Annika."
Icheb thought Seven wished that, too. As much as she appreciated the technological advantages she'd received from the Borg, he suspected she would rather have remained totally human, especially now that she was experiencing romantic feelings for Voyager's first officer. He just hoped she wouldn't experience another medical crisis because of her emotion inhibitor chip shutting down again, as she had when she'd been spending all that time on the holodeck, engaging in romantic fantasies.
"Icheb? Are you well?" Seven asked.
Startled, Icheb whipped his head around guiltily. He felt like he must have drawn Seven to him because of the thoughts he'd been having about her attraction to Chakotay. "I . . . I'm fine. My spinal implant was bothering me from staying in one position too long."
"You must be more careful. You know the Doctor does not believe he can completely remove it because of its proximity to your spinal cord."
"I am aware of that, Seven," he replied, submerging the impulse to show any irritation towards her. "That's why I was standing here instead of sitting."
She came closer and bent down to the eyepiece. "Are you still researching the DNA in your chromosomes?"
"In this sample, I made another microgenetic alteration to the seventeenth chromosome. It seems to act on Borg implants more rapidly than the changes my parents made in me. I hope to improve the pathogen-producing serum, in case we ever need to use it."
She studied the image in the instrument for several more seconds before standing completely erect and gazing sharply at him. "You aren't planning to give it to yourself, are you?" Her voice had taken on the disapproving tone she used when she objected to any action Icheb might have taken without her consent, not that she needed to use it often.
He broke eye contact with her for a few seconds before gazing back at her. "Only if it is necessary to protect everyone on Voyager."
"Icheb . . . "
"Hopefully it will never be needed."
She raised her brow skeptically. "From my . . . personal acquaintance with the Queen, I doubt we will be that fortunate." She did not, however, absolutely forbid him from proceeding. That was notable. He suspected that if it ever was needed, she would be willing to volunteer; and he would be just as sure to object to that action on her part as well. To avoid becoming embroiled in a contest of wills, Icheb decided to change the subject.
"How did your medical evaluation with the Doctor go - if you will permit me to ask. You know the Doctor will scream about 'doctor-patient confidentiality' if I ask him how it went."
She relaxed, and a slight smile graced her lips. "As well as expected." She hesitated, then said, "That is why I came to see you. I need to tell you something." She paused again before saying, "I've changed my mind about having the emotion inhibiter chip removed from the cortical node you donated to me. The Doctor has been evaluating methodology and believes he can excise it in only one treatment. I will undergo the procedure the day after tomorrow."
Icheb wasn't really surprised, but he thought he should say something. After all, the part did originate inside of him. "Does this have anything to do with the Doctor's confession concerning his feelings for you? Do you wish to form a relationship with him?"
"No. I have someone else in mind." Icheb knew what she would say next, if she said anything at all about who the person was, but he waited patiently until she admitted, "I find Commander Chakotay a very attractive individual. While I do not know if he would reciprocate, I would like to find out without suffering any physical problems, as I did when I spent so much time in the holo . . ." Her voice trailed off, but then she added, briskly, "I don't know where it may lead, but I would like to have the capacity to form a relationship with a real person."
"Didn't you have a relationship with your friend Axum?"
"That was a virtual reality. It could not be a true relationship in any . . . physical sense. IF he's still alive, he is too far away from me. We will never meet in person, as we once hoped."
Seven glanced away from Icheb again, and he saw her mood change. Mezoti had claimed Seven had very deep feelings for Axum after the matter of Unimatrix Zero. As usual, it seemed Mezoti's perceptions had been correct. "Seven, if Axum were close by, would you like to form a real relationship with him?
"He's not. It is pointless to pursue that line of inquiry."
What could he say to this? Nothing. Without saying anything else, she turned on her heel and slipped out of the lab.
Icheb sat down on the stool again and contemplated all she'd said, and even more, what she had not said. He hadn't thought to inquire about whether her plans to adopt him may have changed as a result of her feelings for the commander. He decided he should not press her for an answer now. She'd just made a momentous decision to change her life. The Doctor was going to remove the emotion inhibitor chip, which would relieve Icheb of one worry. He'd been very concerned about the possibility that because of this part, Seven's cortical array could shut down completely at some point. He hadn't suffered any negative repercussions from the loss of the cortical node inside his own skull. He was pleased Seven would be able to experience more happiness in her life, without having her emotional responses restricted in any way.
The procedure and the change it would bring to Seven was going to happen. It was her choice. She might be attracted to the commander, but it was also possible he would not respond to Seven's overtures. Icheb had always thought the captain and the first officer had a special relationship. He'd sensed an attraction between the two, and Tom and B'Elanna had confirmed it was a common belief of the crew's. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay once were forced to spend months alone together on a planet because of a medical condition that threatened to kill them if they left. Only through the hard work of the crew and the help of a doctor friend of the EMH's was a cure secured, permitting them to return to Voyager. And even if the commander did respond, relationships didn't always last forever. He'd heard enough stories about Harry's misadventures in love to know that.
Icheb told himself firmly that, if Seven decided not to go through with adopting him because of her relationship with the commander, he'd survive. 'I'm doing well in my Academy courses. I can make it on my own if I must,' he thought.
He just hoped he won't have to.
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