I want you to be everything that's you, deep at the center of your being. - Confucius
To Bredin's relief, his notoriety was lost almost immediately. The next morning was bitterly cold. The windows were coated with frost and the Terilee had a thin coating of ice. People could talk of nothing but the Ice Festival that everyone was now sure would happen.
After a morning of hearty greetings from his classmates and a few others who knew him, the fight was forgotten. Only Lords Lovat Astey and Urson Felthan, who detested Kadhael Corbie and his coterie, made a point of shaking Bredin's hand publicly.
For Bredin, the best outcome was reconciliation with Lacaral. Once again, Lacaral met him at the door to carry him between the Collegium, salle and stable. In the bitter cold, Lacaral's warm body was a blessing. Bredin's yearmates crowded close to Lacaral as they went, trying to draw some warmth for themselves.
The oddest consequence of the fight happened as Bredin rode Lacaral from the salle to the stable. As Kensie Poldara passed them going the other way, the young lord smiled broadly and doffed his hat to Bredin. After reflexively tugging his forelock in response, Bredin gaped in astonishment as Kensie walked on in the other direction.
When Kensie heard of the encounter between Bredin and Kadhael, Olaf and Evan, he laughed in delight. Not only had Bredin inflicted a humiliating defeat on three of Kensie's worst enemies among the highborn, the three had gone ahead with their plan even after Kensie had attempted to warn them. Kensie gloated over the report that Evan had backed away in terror when Bredin had offered to help.
Kensie knew that the Lord Marshal and Seneschal wanted to prosecute the three for assault on a Trainee. Their fathers were using all their political connections to prevent that. If Kensie came forward to report that he had overheard their plotting, it might be enough to bring them to trial. Though the thought was tempting, Kensie decided it was best for him not to be seen taking sides against his fellow highborn. His position at the court was tenuous enough without giving them an added grievance.
Instead, Kensie would use the incident to taunt the three in reprisal for their insults.
Bredin soon dismissed Kensie's gesture; what was important was that he was back with Lacaral. He paused frequently to hug his Companion or, if they were not in contact, exchange a happy thought. During Bredin's riding lesson that afternoon – his first since Lacaral had thrown him – Bredin noticed a subtle difference. He still bounced and shifted on Lacaral's back, but now he became more aware of how his position was wrong. When he had brief moments when things felt right; he had the sense that Lacaral was somehow telling him where and how he should sit in the saddle, even though his Companion did not mindspeak him at all. In those moments, it was as if they did not need to speak.
When the lesson finished, Keren actually smiled at him. "That was a huge improvement, youngling. I think you are starting to get it."
Bredin grinned and thanked her. The grin turned to a groan as he got off. Whatever Bredin had been doing, his muscles certainly felt the difference. Bredin had not felt so stiff since his first moon at the Collegium.
::Definitely better.:: Lacaral said. Putting a tease into his mindvoice, Lacaral added. ::You can probably work some of those knots out of your legs and back exercising in the salle with the unarmed combat students.::
Bredin rolled his eyes. ::I thank Your Majesty for his concern for his poor Chosen. I suppose you still expect a rubdown after that.::
::Naturally.:: Lacaral said. ::An apple would help as well. Besides, giving me a rubdown will help you loosen those muscles.::
Bredin laughed out loud as he undid the girth.
When Bredin arrived at the unarmed combat class, Alberich made him go over every movement of the fight. Alberich chided Bredin for not paying attention to his surroundings and allowing the three to catch him unawares. He asked Bredin what he would have done if he had seen his attackers beforehand.
"Run for it." Bredin said. Alberich nodded in approval.
Beyond that, Alberich approved of the way Bredin fought, at least as far as he could determine without having seen the fight. Alberich was certain that the boy could have killed his attackers if he had wanted to, but the idea never occurred to Bredin. In time, the boy would have to face that possibility; for now, he was too young. He let Bredin remain innocent.
After dinner, Bredin went to Kyril's office. Tonight he was to meet Healer Crathach to see if the Healer could help him ground and center. The Healer was waiting with Kyril when Bredin arrived.
Bredin noted that Crathach gave a slight start as Bredin came in. The three exchanged polite greetings before getting down to the reason that Crathach was there.
"I thought you said Bredin had never been centered." Crathach said to Kyril.
"No, he hasn't." Kyril replied. "We've been trying for moons without success." Bredin nodded his head in agreement.
"Hmm. Let me see what you have been doing." The Healer asked.
Bredin sat opposite Kyril and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths to relax before Kyril began leading him through the exercises they had done scores of times before. As always, Bredin got to a point where he seemed perfectly still within himself and very near a focus only to have the feeling collapse into chaos.
Bredin sighed with disappointment and opened his eyes. Though Kyril made no sound, Bredin could see Kyril try to mask his own disappointment.
Kyril turned to Crathach. "Were you watching?" He asked. Bredin realized Kyril meant that Crathach was 'watching' with other senses.
"Of course." Crathach said. "What I saw was strange."
Before Kyril or Bredin could ask the Healer to elaborate, Crathach asked. "Bredin, could you try to mindspeak Lacaral right now?"
Bredin nodded and without further prompting, tried to reach Lacaral. ::Can you hear me? Healer Crathach asked me to try to reach you.::
::I can hear you very well.:: His Companion replied. ::In fact, I have been listening the whole time. Chosen, this is excellent! Your mindvoice has never been so clear and we have never been able to reach each other this far apart.:: Bredin could sense the excitement in Lacaral's mindvoice.
The excitement was contagious. Bredin smiled broadly. "Lacaral and I can talk better than ever. We've never mindspoken each other like this or when we were so far apart."
Crathach nodded as if this was something he expected. "When you rode Lacaral earlier today, did you notice a different 'feel' to the ride?"
"Yes. I almost got my position right a few times. I think I am learning how to move in the saddle. Keren said we had a big improvement today."
Crathach waved his hand impatiently. "I don't mean the physical feeling. Did you feel a rapport with Lacaral in those moments when your position was correct?"
Bredin stopped and thought. "Yes." He said slowly. "It felt like Lacaral was telling me how I should ride, even though he didn't say anything."
"Very good." Crathach said. He turned to Kyril. "When Bredin came in just now, I was a little surprised. You told me that he had never centered, but my healer's sight told me that he had recently achieved centering."
Kyril looked inquiringly at the Healer, wanting more explanation.
"Most people's auras have 'flares' or disturbances unless they have learned to center. Many of those trained in meditation learn to center themselves and don't flare. The auras of people who have never centered do so constantly. For gifted people, it is much worse; the flares are stronger and the disturbances make it harder to focus thoughts. You have probably seen this." He looked at Kyril pointedly.
"I don't see them as 'flares'," Kyril said, "but I know what you mean. Bredin's mind seemed more relaxed tonight and I had hopes we might actually achieve centering."
"He was more relaxed because he had somehow grounded out those flares with the last few days. Once those energies are discharged, it takes a sennight or so before they build up again. I believe he has been centered at least once in the last two days."
Crathach looked back to Bredin. "Healer Jules told me that Lacaral was already there when he arrived at the place where you fought yesterday. Did you ride Lacaral down the Hill?"
"No." Bredin said. "He came to me after the fight was over. We were making up after our quarrel when the healers arrived."
"Did you call Lacaral to you?" Crathach asked.
"No. We couldn't reach each other that far apart. When we mindspoke just a few minutes ago, that was the farthest we had ever done it." Bredin was hopeful. Crathach's statement that Bredin had managed to center sounded promising.
"I'd like to try something, Bredin." Crathach said. "Please stand up."
Bredin obeyed.
"What I want you to do is close your eyes and go through the fight you had yesterday. Start from just before Lords Olaf and Evan grabbed you and recall everything you can. Do it slowly, step by step. If it helps you to remember, feel free to move the way you did in the fight."
Bredin exhaled and closed his eyes. Mentally, he walked down Pitcher Road once more; his hands hugged his sides, his leg muscles contracted as though he were walking. His mental picture was so vivid that, when he lifted his arms to mimic the two lords grabbing his arms, he had the sensation of hands grabbing him.
He raised his head. Though he kept his eyes closed, he could visualize Kadhael Corbie drawing back to punch.
Bredin's hands grabbed at the imaginary arms holding his. He lifted one leg to mime the motion of kicking Kadhael Corbie in the stomach.
"There!" Crathach said. "Did you see it?"
Bredin's eyes flew open. Crathach was pointing at him, looking pleased. Kyril's eyes were wide in astonishment. "What happened?" He asked, still standing on one foot with the other raised in front and his arms out to the side.
"You were centered." Crathach said. "It was only a tiny moment, but you were centered."
"I was?" Now Bredin was wide-eyed. He straightened and looked at the healer.
Crathach nodded emphatically. "You were. As you went through your fight in your memory, you repeated the mental state you achieved during the fight."
"That doesn't sound right." Kyril said. "Being centered is supposed to be a relaxed, receptive state."
"But it does not have to be passive." Crathach replied. "For Bredin, it is an active state where he is ready to respond instinctively. What you have been attempting to do is make him deny his self and feelings and separate himself from the world; what Bredin needs to do is accept his feelings and be totally aware of his surroundings. That is why he is suddenly communicating better with Lacaral."
Crathach turned back to Bredin. "Those moments when you seemed to get things right today in your riding, were you thinking about how happy you were to be back with him?"
Bredin did not have to think about it. "Yes! I was happy. I was laughing inside and Lacaral was laughing with me. It was as if we were linked without speaking."
Crathach nodded emphatically. "You were centered and you were open. You were in your true self."
The Healer looked briefly at Kyril, then back at Bredin. "What you have been doing – trying to achieve a relaxed state by pushing away Bredin's feelings – has had an exact opposite effect. To be centered, Bredin has to accept himself, not deny himself."
Kyril nodded, understanding what Crathach meant. Bredin, lacking experience, did not grasp the full meaning, but felt hopeful that Crathach's idea might be the key to his goal.
"Bredin, I want you to try something else." Crathach said. "I assume your tutors at the Temple have some basic exercises that you use for drill?" At Bredin's nod, he went on. "I want you to stand where you are, close your eyes, and go through one of the drills very slowly. Don't think of the movements, concentrate on your breathing in and out. Make each breath long and deep. When you are finished, start over."
Bredin assumed the 'ready' position. Closing his eyes, he visualized his position. Step by step, he went through the movements. As he moved, a sense of calm spread from his head, down through his body to the tips of his fingers and toes.
At the third repetition, he stopped in the middle of the 'spreading wing' movement. He held still. Crathach and Kyril were there; he could sense their presence and the room around them. Opening his eyes but still focusing on his new inner awareness, he said "I can see you. Not with my eyes, but in my mind." The moment passed and the awareness passed with it.
"Did I do it?" Bredin asked, certain that something had happened.
"You did. You found your center and ground." Kyril said. The Herald and the Healer were both grinning broadly.
Bredin mirrored their grins; he could barely keep himself from jumping up and down with excitement. "Let's try again."
"Only a couple of more times." Kyril said. "We don't want you to get a reaction headache."
Bredin thought the Senior Herald was too cautious. His success made him feel invincible. How could something that made him feel so good make him feel bad?
::Um. Remember the night you couldn't resist a fourth slice of pie?:: Lacaral reminded Bredin of a party he had enjoyed with his yearmates a fortnight before Midwinter.
Bredin was unconvinced. He began the exercise once more.
Bredin succeeded in centering on his next two attempts; each time, he held his center longer. When he set himself to begin again, Crathach stopped him "That is enough for tonight. I know you are happy and feeling good, but that is the best time to stop. Stop before you feel discomfort. Once you feel a reaction coming on, it will be too late."
With a sigh, Bredin sat down. "I think I could reach Lacaral if he was half way to Bransat."
Kyril nodded. "Which brings up another matter: Shielding. Now that you are getting your center, you are going to be much more sensitive. For the next few days, you are going to practice shielding until you can keep them up without thinking about it. Ylsa is off on courier duty; I think Myste would be the best person to instruct you in Ylsa's absence. She's a powerful mindspeaker and she can take a few days to teach you to shield instead of how to conjugate Karsite verbs."
Bredin rolled his eyes. Myste was relentless. "She'll probably teach me in Karsite."
Crathach and Kyril laughed. "She probably will." Kyril said.
"I will sent a packet of herb tea to your room tonight." Crathach said. "They will dull your sensitivity and help you sleep. You will need them only until you can hold your shields in your sleep."
Bredin remembered how his gift had plagued him in Bransat. Sleeping soundly through the night would be a blessing. "Thank you, Healer Crathach."
Bredin reported to Myste the next morning. Though the Herald Chronicler was deeply involved in the planning for the Ice Festival, she made time to drill Bredin in shielding for a candlemark in the morning and afternoon. There were inevitable interruptions as courtiers, Heralds and servants came to Myste's tiny office with questions of precedence and protocol. On one or two occasions when the questioner was a Herald, Bredin wondered if Myste's determinations were what Myste and the Herald felt ought to be true rather than an actual precedent, especially when Myste cautioned Bredin to say nothing about what he had heard. Bredin decided he wanted nothing to do with Court Politics.
Bredin doggedly practiced the exercises Myste gave him. When Bredin wasn't with the Herald Chronicler, Lacaral watched Bredin closely for any leakage or lowering of his shields. Bredin found the mind-training as exhausting as any workout in the salle. The effort was worth it to Bredin. Not only was he able to block out the visions which plagued him even behind the Collegium's shields, but his mind speech strengthened rapidly. By the time the river had frozen thick enough for the Ice Festival, Bredin could reach out to nearby human mind speakers.
To Bredin, the best part was his improved link with Lacaral. Now, the two could reach out to each other anywhere in Haven and probably beyond, though they did not have a chance to test that. The link between them deepened to the point where each had a physical sense of the other. When Bredin rode, he could reach out to Lacaral and move with him. Bredin's riding skills began a steady improvement; it would be moons yet before he was a solid rider, but Bredin could now feel his progress.
To Bredin's relief, Myste declared his development satisfactory on the morning of the Ice Festival. She gave him a program of exercises to improve his skills, then dismissed him. Bredin genuinely appreciated the Herald Chronicler's efforts, but his yearmates' growing excitement about the impending celebration was infectious. Bredin had worried that he might be bound up in his intense practice and miss much of the festival.
Bredin needn't have worried. Though Myste might seem as relentless as Alberich in her demands for perfection and somewhat otherworldly in her passion for her records, she was not oblivious to a youngster's need to simply have fun. Myste had pushed Bredin intensely to ensure that the boy would have a solid grounding that could simply settle on its own while leaving him free to enjoy the pleasures of the Ice Festival with his yearmates.
The Heraldic circle had given all of the trainees had a small bonus stipend for the festival and Bredin still had most of the money his parents had given him at the time of his Choosing. He and his yearmates headed for the booths on the river as soon as they were dismissed from their classes.
Lacaral and the other Companions let their Chosen know that they were perfectly happy to stay in their stalls and avoid the treacherous footing of the ice. As compensation for their Chosen abandoning them, the Companions expected tribute in the form of pocket pies and other treats.
After a quick tour of the food vendors, the girls decided to watch the fancy skating. The boy joined a broomball game. Lars collected a black eye and the others bruised themselves slipping on the ice before they returned to watch some of the races.
The days of the festival passed quickly for the trainees. Bredin and his yearmates lost a tug of war spectacularly to a group of Bardic trainees, mainly because one of the bards found a way to put cleats on their boots, giving them a better grip on the ice. Bredin and his friends protested until Teren pointed out that other people had been using tacks on their shoes from the start of the Ice Festival; the Herald Trainees had only to be equally observant as the bards and done the same.
Bredin and his friends cheered themselves hoarse during the final races on the last day. Though chilled to the bone, they enjoyed every sunwidth. Mero laid on a special dinner in the Collegium dining hall to top off the end of the Festival. Rumor said that the food in the Collegium was served warmer than the meal served to the Queen and her courtiers in the special tent reserved for the nobles.
Happy, weary and sated, the trainees went to their beds with smiles.