Real or Not Real?
They were marching to the blue house with the white picket fence moments after having discovered that the dagger in Regina's hand was (or possibly is for those that were denying it) real, "We have to be sure." Regina said not really wanting to believe that her best friend was back to being the Dark One.
"I am sorry, truly I am," Gold said as he kept pace beside the former Evil Queen, "but that is the real one. I have been tethered to its dark power for centuries now. I would know if it is real or fake."
"Considering he created a fake one and tricked me," Gold winced as Belle put in her input, "I agree with him."
"Aye that goes for me, having hunted down the former crocodile for centuries as well." Killian added as they approached the house.
"Well wait," Henry said as he cut his mother off in mid-step before she could open the gate, "let's think about this for a minute." He also did not believe the implications that were being presented, "We shouldn't make assumptions just yet, or go barging inside."
Archie managed to catch up now as he joined the group, "Henry is right, we cannot go barging in; we need a plan."
"The plan is to find out what happened. We need to know about this," Regina showed the dagger for emphasis, "and Excalibur."
"When was the last time we saw Excalibur?" Snow asked slowly as she held David's hand.
They all looked at each other in question, and it was Henry that eventually answered, "I think it was after mom appeared back in the street. She dropped it and I had ran over to her."
"That is right." Regina said slowly, "And we…took her back to your place." She added looking at Gold, not needing to remind everyone of the events that immediately followed.
Slowly realization dawned on them, no question needed asking as they let the silence linger. During the long pause as everyone exchanged looks of confusion, waiting for someone to confess about the sword. Eventually David decided to break the silence as he eventually asked slowly, "So who picked up the sword before we left?" Again there was nothing and whoever he looked to, looked away, "So no one then?"
"Apparently not." Snow said as she looked at her husband, "So we lost the sword. Again."
"Alright let's just go in there and see what Emma remembers." Regina said as she motioned to Henry to step aside.
Henry sighed and moved, holding the gate open to allow them to pass. Coming to the door, he once again caught up to them, "Wait. Let me try to get in first." He said.
"Why?" Killian asked confused when he was about to ring the bell.
"Remember what happened when she was the Dark One?" He asked, "The house was enchanted to let me in or allow me access. Maybe it reset somehow when…" he motioned to the dagger in Regina's hand, "this happened."
The adults looked at each other and then at Henry, "Lad has a point." Killian said eventually, "Alright then lad," he stepped aside, "go for it."
Henry moved towards the front and looked behind him and saw encouraging nods. Sighing he turned the knob and found the door unlocked. Pushing it open, they heard music blasting in the living room. Henry cocked his head to the side and hesitantly crossed the doorway. Seeing that it was safe, everyone else followed suit.
Keeping a low profile, they entered the living room to see Emma laying on the couch, one arm draped across her eyes while the other remained stretched out to the side with a bottle in her hand as she sang along to the song that was playing, "We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night? When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream, when you can't dream, well, what's life mean?" Emma's words were slightly slurred as she sang along to the beat. Everyone just stood around and listened as she seemed to pour her soul into the words, "We feel a little pity, but don't empathize. The old are getting older, watch a young man die. A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't. You don't know what happened to that kid you raised; what happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?"
At this Emma took another swig right from the bottle and continued as if there was no interruption, "I didn't know 'cause you didn't say, now Mamma feels guilt, yeah, Mamma feels pain. When you were young, you never thought you'd die, found that you could but too scared to try. You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye, climb to the roof to see if you could fly!" At this Emma toasted something that only she could see with her mind and took another swig from the bottle.
"Ok that is enough of that." Snow said as she turned off the stereo, slightly disturbed that her daughter would listen to a song like this.
Emma immediately sat up, "Yo! Who dares turn off Hollywood Undead like that? Especially at the good part. Like about if I survive this then I will see you tomorrow. Come on people!"
"Well we are not waiting for tomorrow. You are seeing us now." Regina said with her arms crossed, purposely keeping the dagger out of sight.
Emma placed the bottle down, and Killian caught sight as to what its substance was. Leaning over he whispered to Robin, "Gin."
"Excuse me?"
"She has been drinking gin straight from the bottle." He stated as he watched Emma get up and rubbed her eyes.
"Yikes. This is going to be bad." Robin said as he passed the message discreetly to David who looked equally sick.
Emma shook her head and appraised her visitors, "It is rude to enter unannounced."
"Emma, do you know who we are?" Snow asked slowly and easily.
"Yea, which begs another question," Emma answered just as slowly as easily, "what the hell are you all doing here?!" She exploded.
"Wait you are coherent?" Robin asked shocked at the anger in her voice.
"Yes! For how much longer before another memory triggers? I have no freaking clue!" Emma answered back sharply, "Why are you all here? I am not safe!"
"So you remember what happened?" Regina asked as she slowly started to pull the dagger out.
"Not exactly," this stopped Regina's movements, "I just remember talking to Grumpy and then when he refused to tell me about what happened after the curse, I remembered how you used to be and it was like those events just happened." Emma explained, "So my turn and I repeat: why are you all here?"
David sighed and took a step forward towards his daughter, while she took a step back, "Emma we have a problem."
It is always some problem, a deep dark voice said in her mind. Emma shook her head, but couldn't deny the fact that the voice was right and voiced what she/or rather the dark voice told her, "There is always some problem; but that doesn't explain-"
"What do you remember when you were at the diner?" David asked cutting Emma off.
Emma thought for a moment and then looked at Regina carefully, "I was furious with you. I thought you killed Graham and Henry," Regina shifted uncomfortably, "I attacked you like I did in the cemetery and at the hospital…I was literally in the memory. I had no recollection as to the present. Which is really bad that you are here." Emma finished, "I cannot have you all around me right now!"
"So you are aware?" Archie asked as he was busy writing this stuff down, "You know what is real and what is not?"
"As of right now? Yes, but any of you could trigger a memory…and most of my memories that are associated with you all are not good." Emma explained darkly.
Everyone else saw how Emma's eyes darkened slightly, before she pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut before taking a deep breath and releasing it, "Emma?" Belle called softly, "What are you seeing or hearing?"
"Words…words that followed me all my life…and everyone-" she opened her eyes and motioned to her family, "never mind. Please you all have to leave. Now."
"No." Henry said firmly, "You are not going to shut yourself away again. We will not let you."
Emma looked at him, however she was not seeing her son, but someone else. Her mind was racing as she looked at him, and trying to keep the memories and voices at bay, she said in a strained voice, "Kid, you have to leave. You and my par-…your grand-…" Taking another breath, she said, "Snow and David have to go. Now."
"No!" Henry yelled defiantly not wanting to leave Emma alone again, "You tried to isolate yourself once and that did not end well for anyone," glaring at Emma now he said, "I will not let you."
Something was snapping inside of her as she continued to look at Henry, who was turning into someone else, someone that had hurt her very deeply, and it did not help that the boy in front of her resembled that person, "Get him out of here!" Emma yelled as she was losing control of her mind.
Killian and Robin reached for Henry as he tried to step towards Emma, "NO!" He snapped at them as they tried to grab his shoulder. Then he looked right at Emma, "You will not-!"
"You will not tell me what to do Neal!" Emma yelled suddenly. All movement and nearly all breathing stopped as Emma was giving Henry her most deadly glares that he had ever seen…and he had been trapped in Pan's body and stared down the barrel of her gun she never looked at him like this, "You lost that right when you abandoned me!"
"She thinks I am dad…" Henry whispered slowly as Emma started violently pacing, "Why does she think I am dad?"
"I do not know Henry, but I will not let her talk to you like this." Gold said before Regina or anyone else could comment.
Emma didn't seem to hear any of this as she spun back around, "Amazing," they all looked back at Emma now, "after all this time, you think you have the damned nerve to talk to me as if you still know me."
"Emma I will not let you talk to my boy like this." Gold snarled low. Granted it was Henry she was talking to, but considering that she thought that Henry was Neal…well he had to make do.
"Stay of this!" Emma yelled now as she rounded on him. Talking quickly and furiously she said, "Like father like son, he was a coward!" She pointed violently at her son, "The apple doesn't seem to fall far from the primordial tree!"
"Mo-" Henry stopped himself remembering that he had to pretend that he was his father, "Emma, please what I did-"
"Do not say that it was in my best interest!" Emma yelled, "It is bad enough to learn that my so called 'parents' thought that my supposed 'best interest' was to be raised by a mere child in a foreign land, but to find out that you thought that my 'best interest' was for me to take the fall for the twenty grand worth of watches and throw my ass in jail with a rundown car with a half of tank of gas and pregnant to boot; are you kidding me?!" Emma finished as she yelled at Henry, who in her mind was really Neal, "Not only that but to also find out that you left twenty grand with Pinocchio in the hopes of him giving it to me…the boy known as the epitome of lying and stealing…what the hell were you thinking?!"
Everyone watched as she was breathing heavily, as it seemed like she had suppressed all this for a very long time, or it was once again a memory that was triggered. The key was, however, to find out what memory exactly. It was obvious this was after Emma learned about the curse, but how far exactly? No one was really moving and seeing that she was only responding to Henry, well it was up to him, "Emma please. I was stupid," Dad, you better be watching and listening to this, Henry thought as he took the rap for his decreased father, "I should not have left." Neal had told him what had happened, although granted it was the cliff-notes version, but he could fill in the rest of the blanks considering Emma was yelling everything at him.
"Damn right you shouldn't have! I mean talk about love and all that bull shit! We were supposed to live in Tallahassee! We were supposed to have our happily ever after! Like at least if I had gotten the money, Henry and I could have lived in Tallahassee! We could have had a happy freaking ending!" Emma yelled desperately.
She started pacing again, and Henry stayed rooted to the spot as Emma unloaded on him as unintentional as it was. There was a brief moment of silence before she started ranting at him as she looked into his sad eyes, "What the hell was I supposed to have told Henry?!" Ok so this is New York timeline…Henry thought as Emma continued, "Yes I lied to him, told him you were dead! By all feelings I have for you? You might as well have been dead." Everyone winced now thinking that this was not so much as a memory, but feelings that she had bottled up in this moment that she is reacting to, "Now he compares me to the Evil Queen! Said I was just like her! Never mind the fact that I made you out to be a hero to him! Am I just like the Evil Queen, who would have attempted to make you look like a freaking villain?! I do not think so!"
Henry felt deep shame in the pit of his stomach. He had forgotten that Emma had told him that Neal was originally a hero. It was wrong that she had lied regardless, but she did tell him that he was a hero so he wouldn't think poorly of him, "Because of you I couldn't keep him, because of you I had to place him in the system. Thank god Regina adopted him, because wouldn't want Henry to wind up like we were right?" Emma eyed Henry critically, "Isn't that what you had told me when I held on to you for dear life above the portal that Tamara made after she shot you?!"
"Tamara?" Henry questioned momentarily lost now as she fast forwarded to a different moment in the timeline. Portal, portal, portal…oh! This was just before he was taken to Neverland.
"Oh do not tell me you forgot about your fiancée?" Emma laughed bitterly, "Tamara was a twisted psychopath and on top of it all, if you really did love me oh so god-damn much like really and truly, you would not have moved on with said psycho woman who should have been under heavy duty lockdown in a psych ward with a Thorazine drip! You would have tried to find me. Oh but wait a minute, you were too much of a coward when you could have led me to Storybrooke yourself, so why the hell would you have tried to find me to begin with?" She finished rhetorically.
Regina could not take it anymore. She knew Henry was following her example in the diner by letting Emma vent out her feelings about living in the memory, but looking at their son and seeing that he was breaking, she couldn't take it anymore. Whipping the dagger out, she held it up and said, "Stop!"
Emma was about to respond, when suddenly her mouth snapped shut. Her dark hazel eyes widened in shock as they dimmed back to their normal color, "Snap out of it, and focus on who you are talking to." Regina commanded again and saw that Emma was analyzing Henry closely as her eyes widen in shock once more as she is shaking her head, trying desperately to open her mouth and speak, "Ok speak." Regina commanded seeing that Emma was back to being with them.
"I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. You, I mean I saw…oh my god…" Emma struggled to say very quickly.
"I triggered something…didn't I?" Henry asked slowly, showing his mother that he is not going to back away from her, and allow her to take all the blame.
"Yes…kind of. I mean I didn't see you, I saw Neal…everything you were saying…it is what he would have said and…"
"It is ok." Henry said trying to get his mother to listen.
"No it isn't. That is why you have to leave. All of you, and-" Emma looked back at Regina as she just realized what the woman was holding, "What the hell is that? What did you do to me?"
They all looked at each other, "Back at the diner, the last memory you relived was Camelot…the moment you gave me the dagger." Regina answered as it was silently unanimous that she answer the question.
Emma put the pieces together as she swallowed deeply, "You mean…that is…my dagger?"
"Apparently so…especially since I ordered you to stop verbally attacking Henry."
Emma was silence as she stepped closer to Regina. Regina saw Emma eying the powerful weapon in her hand. Slowly holding it up once more, she showed Emma the metal and the writing on the one side, "My name…it has my name…" Emma said her voice cracking, "Why? How? I banished the darkness from Killian, I banished it from myself…how…no…no it doesn't make any sense…"
Emma was on the verge of hyperventilating now as she backed away from Regina, "I won't go through this again…I refuse!" Emma yelled as her breathing became more erratic and shallow. David and Snow quickly moved away from everyone else and over to their daughter to get her to calm down, "Emma it will be ok." David said easily as he reached for Emma.
Emma flinched away from them, "Leave. Now." Emma moaned out as she held her head in her hands.
"No." Snow said firmly, "Just like Henry said, we are not leaving you."
"Leave me alone!" Emma yelled not sure as to who she was talking to. Voices in her head came back, and they were once again honing in on the people around her, and currently she was entering another emotional onslaught of memories.
"We can't Emma." David said firmly, "We can't leave you alone!" He grabbed her shoulder.
Then as fast as he did so, she snapped. She grabbed his wrist hard, taking him by surprise she twisted it, and flipped him, "Gah!" David yelled as he landed on his back.
"Emma!" They yelled, as Snow went to David's side.
Regina was about to take control with the dagger, but Emma looked at her and in one sudden movement with her hand Regina flew into the wall, the dagger clattering to the ground. Robin, Killian, Henry, Belle, Gold, and Archie tried to lunge for the dagger but Emma froze them in place. Then with a predatory like glance, she looked at her parents, "You will not touch me again! You hear me?!"
"Emma we are-" Snow said as she looked into her daughter's dark hazel eyes.
"Disappointed? Ashamed? Or just plain disgusted by me?" Looking into the surprised faces she scoffed, "Please do not give me that look. I have lived with you long enough to see through your shit faced lies."
David and Snow looked at each other. David slowly and rather painfully sat up and helped Snow to a standing position, "We do not understand. What is happening?" He asked easily.
"What is happening?" Emma asked as she felt burning in both her arms, but in different places: one was in the middle of her left arm, and the other was more on a section of her wrist on her right arm, "Do not play stupid with me Sanders," Emma snarled out as this through Snow and David through another loop, not comprehending what was going on at all.
"Remind us," Snow said slowly, "please Emma."
The burning was becoming too much now as Emma struggled to get her leather jacket off, the leather starting to melt into her skin. Finally managing to get her jacket off, she showed her left arm, were there was now a circular irritated red burn, "Look familiar?" Emma asked as she glared at David.
"Wha-"
"You gave that to me when I accidently spilled paint on the garage floor!" Emma yelled as she wrenched her arm away from him as he reached to touch her arm, "Of course how could I have expected you to remember when you were drunk off your ass? My bad."
"Emma-" Snow again tried to say.
"Oh please do not act surprised," Emma said turning to her, "and do not give me your false pity. I know what you think of me. You have said it every day…when I am inside, not locked outside just because I missed curfew by one or two minutes, weather be damned."
There was silence on the outside, but on the inside in Emma's mind, there was a loud yelling of voices as she flashed through the memory she was unknowingly reenacting. The spell that kept the onlookers immobile broke and they made a slow move towards the dagger with the exception of Archie who said, "Wait." They stopped and looked at him, "Let them ride this out."
"What?" Killian asked, not wanting to hear more of this.
"Trust me. I need to know what exactly everyone is associated with." He explained then looking back to the trio as they had a 'conversation' he said, "Sounds like one of the homes she was in." Then looking at Henry, "Do you know where Emma keeps her file?"
"File?"
"Her file from her time in the system. Do you know about it?"
Henry's mind raced. Through the real memories he had, he had no recollection of any type of files…only the ones that were found in the ice cream truck from the Snow Queen fiasco. However the false memories revealed a different story. Through them he remembered when he was little and played in his mother's closet, he found an old box and rummaged through it and found old papers. He did not remember much of the contents in general, but he did recall Emma looking at him sadly and somewhat disappointed as she told him to never go in her closet without permission again, "I kind of remember something when we were in New York. I think I know where she would keep them."
"Please go get them." Archie said. When he saw Henry hesitate, he said, "I need them if I am to help your mother. Please Henry."
Henry turned and ran up the stairs with Belle saying something like she would help followed by Robin. Archie, Regina, Killian, and Gold watched them leave, "How much longer is this going to last?" Killian whispered as he slowly looked back at scene. He could see Snow and David's eyes glistening.
"It is too soon to tell." Archie whispered as Regina slowly picked the dagger up, but not giving any command.
"This is just…" Gold tried to say, but unable to communicate his new 'softer' feelings.
"It is." Archie said not needing to hear the whole response.
Emma glared at the sniveling/pathetic excuse of humans in front of her not understanding their personality at all. Why would they be like this when just a few minutes before they were screaming at her for getting into another fight? "Honey please, we don't-" Snow tried to once again say.
"Excuse me? Honey?" Emma spat the word out, "What happened to being an ungrateful whore?" They winced and looked physically ill, "What happened to me being a stupid, worthless, no good goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch, retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, and jerk?" Emma asked, they looked like they were about to speak before she raised her hand and cut them off, "Oh wait I forgot to mention ugly, lazy and disrespectful." Glaring harshly at Snow she added, "Isn't that what you yell at me every blessed day?!"
Snow and David shared another look. They then looked passed Emma towards Archie, Regina, and Gold. They were each giving them looks of pity and they saw Archie mouth: foster family. Pain and guilt surged through them in that instant. Looking at Emma now, they could see how much she had been through and hiding from everyone, was it any wonder that she was such a hardened and closed off woman? A few minutes later they saw Henry return with Belle and Robin with a large thick file in his hand, "Here." He said quietly as he handed it to Archie.
Quickly paging through it, Archie looked for the specific name that Emma mentioned earlier, "Found it. The very last one she had before she disappeared until the age of eighteen." He muttered quietly.
Snow faintly heard Archie's explanation and immediately understood. Sanders she figured was a foster family, but this particular family had to be really bad if Emma was lashing out on them, "Emma please hear us when we say that we do not deserve your anger. We are not who you think we are. We are not those people who hurt you or-" Snow tried to calmly and rationally explain, but winced as Emma started her wrath once more.
Emma in the meantime was reliving the memory, however somewhere in Snow's calm and rational talk, the memory fast forwarded so she only heard the tail end, "Or what?" Emma challenged as she took a step closer to Snow and David, who took a step back, "You'll throw me threw a wall again? Or better yet send me back to the orphanage? Go ahead…I do not give-"
"Emma no! We do not want that!" David said frantically as he raised his voice over his daughter's. Just what the hell had these people done to her?
"Oh yea because you would lose your precious meal ticket right?"
"Emma that is not-"
"You take in kids just like us and use us as a meal ticket! We are nothing but a tool so that the government would give you free cash just for taking us in! You are a fraud! An ungrateful mother-" Emma's voice rose in octave as she yelled at her parents as she violently pointed and made gestures at them.
Snow and David's shared heart was breaking at each accusation and cursed the darkness that was manipulating Emma into thinking that they were the cause of this pain, "I may be sixteen, have absolutely no concept of anything, I already accepted that no one wants my so called 'roadside ass', and here is the best part that you two remind me about," Emma's ranting paused for dramatic effect as she took a step towards them, "I was born alone, I will remain alone, and die alone." She said in a low and dangerous voice.
Snow and David now started to cry and it was here that the dark fog and voices silenced in Emma's mind as she watched her parents crumble before her. Realization then set in as she looked at them with a look of horror, "Oh my god…oh my god…" Then spinning around, she sees everyone else watching with a broken expression, "Why didn't you stop me?" She asked looking at Regina.
"Archie told me not too." Regina said.
"I wanted it to play out to try and figure out which memories the darkness associated your loved ones with." Archie said as Emma looked at him.
Emma sighed and shook her head sadly, "I am sorry…"
"It is ok, we should have listened." Snow said softly as she approached her daughter.
"I should not have grabbed you." David said, then trying to lighten the mood he laughed, "Especially remind me to never piss you off."
This did not really help as Emma started to shut herself down, Killian went over to her, "Love?"
She flinched away from him and said in an emotionless tone, "If my name is on the dagger, what if your name is back on Excalibur?" Killian hadn't thought about that, "Will I still be your love then?"
Killian sighed and without thinking, he pulled her close which he was grateful that she did not pull away from him, "Yes. Always."
Emma sighed in his embrace, the dark thoughts and voices disappearing like they had done in Camelot, "Ok…" then looking at everyone she said again, more so to herself, "Ok…"
They all looked at each other knowing that it was best not to push the event that had just happened moments ago, Gold changed direction seeing that no one was going to say anything, "Back to the dagger at hand. Where is the sword? Do you know or have a feeling?"
Emma thought as she looked at the dagger in Regina's hand. Multiple memories that were in black and white came to her and she thought deeply, "If the dagger was returned to me, and I reenacted the memory with Regina…then I think the sword would be in the…" Emma slowly walked away from the group and over into the hallway. The group followed as they watched Emma open the door that everyone knew was the basement, "Basement…" As if in a trance, she turned the light on and began walking down the stairs. Everyone else exchanged a look, and followed, the stairs creakingly eerily beneath them.