Yea I got nothing except the drama of whether or not I graduated from college….AND I DID! WITH BOTH OF MY DEGREES! HIZZAH! Well now in the process of writing my resume and putting together a professional portfolio.
Anyway taking a small break to bring you this update, also with this update brings a trigger warning of brief suicide attempt. So I will mark the start and then I will mark the safe part.
Real or Not Real?
They found Emma standing in the middle of the room staring at the sword. It was not in the stone, for there was no stone in the middle of the room, more like it was on some kind of makeshift pedestal, "At least it is here and not somewhere else." Snow said as Killian passed them and went right near Emma's side.
Emma flinched back as he neared and took a step away, shaking with raw nerves as she recalled what had happened all because of this damned sword, "Check it." She said, her voice coarse as her mouth was dry.
"For what?" Belle asked softly seeing that they were all staring at her confused and afraid to speak a word.
"The last time…" Emma swallowed, everyone noticing that her face was pale and purposefully avoiding Killian's forlorn gaze, "the last time this was here, I had glamour the sword so that Kil-" Emma heaved a sighed, "So that Killian's name could not be seen."
"So why do you not check it yourself?" Gold asked softly as he looked at the blade he had been kidnapped to free from its stone imprisonment.
"Don't trust myself, and I don't want to be controlled." Emma said, "Please. Someone else check it."
They looked at each other, and Regina nodded silently taking on responsibility. First she waved her hand to make sure the area near the sword was not booty trapped. Sensing no other dark magic in the room, she looked towards Robin for support. He stepped forward with her and grabbed the sword, "Before I do this," Regina announced to the group and this time she looked towards Killian, "do you sense, feel, or hear anything?"
Killian thought for a moment and shook his head, he looked at Emma (who was still not looking at him) but spoke answering Regina's question, "No. I do not sense, feel, or hear anything dark in anyway."
Emma had her eyes shut with her fists balled at her sides, "But that doesn't matter."
"Why Emma?" Archie asked not knowing what exactly had occurred between discovering what Killian had done, to what was happening with Emma now, "It does not seem like he is affected."
"Mom?" Henry asked taking a step towards his mother, looking at her imploring her to answer as she seemed unwilling, trapped in whatever memory was plaguing her.
Emma opened her eyes as she started to hug herself, as if trying to keep herself from tearing at the already fragile seams, "When you all returned from Storybrooke with memories whipped clean, Killian showed no signs of darkness. It was like," she risked a quick glance to Killian and he hoped she saw an encouraging and forgiving smile, "he was the man I love. However when Zelena," she growled out the name, "showed him the sword and the memories, it was then that he turned dark."
Killian sighed slightly defeated, but none the less tried to rectify the situation, "Emma, love please look at me." She did, and once he held her gaze, he said, "I promise that this is not like the last time. I will stand by you, and fight with you no matter what."
"That is the part I am afraid of." Emma spoke softly, "I will never forgive myself for going against your wishes, but I couldn't-"
"I know love…" Killian pulled her close as she buried herself into his chest. He looked over to Regina and nodded.
Regina nodded back and as Robin held up the sword, she waved her hand over the blade. Seeing nothing, he turned the blade over where she proceeded to repeat the same motion. Everyone held their breath and waited, "Nothing. It's clean." Regina announced.
Emma's hands flew to her mouth as she pulled away from Killian, "Oh thank god!"
Killian secretly agreed as he did not allow his full relief to show. In truth, he knew he spoke the truth when he said that he forgave Emma and that this really was not like the last time; it was more or less about whether he would be able to control the darkness if he had still been tethered to the sword, "It just seems that Emma is being affected." David whispered not wanting to fully break the relief that they were not dealing with another Dark One again.
They quietly went back upstairs and saw that it was lunch time, Belle and Gold offered to go to Granny's to pick something up as Regina raided the refrigerator to see what the machine offered as far as drinks. Robin went in to help seeing that Killian had led Emma back to the couch and they sat down with Snow and David in the love seat and Henry sitting opposite of Emma on the other side of the couch. Archie sighed as he took the other chair and looked at the small family, "So I think we should take this time to talk." He said heavily.
"Do we have to do this now?" Snow asked softly as she snuck a glance at her daughter who was wearing a pained expression on her face.
Killian shared Snow's sentiments, "Aye mate, I think we need a break." He made a move to grab Emma's hand, but she pulled away from him.
"I think the more we get down to this, the less likely she will have harsher blow ups." Archie countered gently.
Henry wisely kept his mouth shut, but continued to watch his mother's behavior. She had not said one word to them since she expressed relief when they discovered that Killian was not going to be subjected to the same fate that she was subjected to right now. However that short relief was gone and now a void was in her eyes, "I do not think that is best right now." David said as Snow grabbed his hand, "I mean haven't we pushed her enough for right now? She had her blow up this morning, then at Henry, and then at us; what if we trigger another one?"
"That is just it David;" Archie said, "We need to know what her triggers are. We need to get her to talk to us, we need her-"
"I am sitting right here…" Emma spoke up startling everyone from the conversation. She had been so silent, and so lost in what appeared to be in her own world that they did not think she was mentally there with them, "Stop talking about me as if I am not here."
"We are sorry-" Snow began to say, but was cut off.
"Stop apologizing. I really hate that word." Emma snapped looking at her mother.
Henry moved away from his mother slightly as he was beginning to catch on to the signs that Emma was ready to snap again. Her eyes were darker, not as dark as to not know what she was doing and who she was talking to, but it was clear that she was getting there. Archie, Snow, David, and Killian were starting to get the tale-tell hints as well, because they tried to immediately rectify the impending blow up, "Love we really did not mean anything by it. We just thought you were lost-" Killian tried to explain and defend their actions.
"I am lost." Emma said as she snapped her dark eyes on him, "I am lost, but you do not have to treat me like some mentally handicapped person that is labeled 'handle with care'." Emma finished as she waved her hand across her forehead for emphasis.
Meanwhile as this conversation was occurring, in the kitchen Robin saw Regina leaning against the sink with her arms crossed, "Do you want me to run out and get some drinks?" Robin asks as he motions to the refrigerator.
"No there are drinks in there." Regina said sighing heavily, but making no move to open the refrigerator again.
He could see that this was hard on her, but did not push for an explanation knowing she would open up when she was ready. He just nodded and proceeded to get the drinks out and some glasses from the cabinet. Regina remained in her own world of thought for a time as he moved around her and eventually when everything was out and ready for when Belle and Gold came back did she speak again, "It is not fair." Regina said startling him slightly.
"What?" Robin asked gently as he stopped moving to give her his full attention.
"This," she said motioning to the living room where they heard Archie's explanation and then David's response, "we should not have to be dealing with this again." He knows what she really means, after all he could see how much she cares about the blonde despite the mask of indifference she tries to put on.
"I know it is not fair." Robin said, "But we will do whatever we can to help Emma." He knows what the blonde did for him in Camelot that she did it not only for Regina's pleading, but it was who she was. She is the Savior, and she is now his friend too; and he will do anything for his friends.
Regina scoffed and moved away from him with her arms still crossed, "The way she looked at me…" Regina trailed off, "It was real...what had happened to Graham and what happened to Henry…"
"It's ok Regina." Robin said as he tried to comfort her, "What is important is that you are not that person anymore."
Regina allowed him to hug her, until another thought occurred to her, "Roland…"
"What is that?" Robin asked as she pulled away.
"He has so much faith in me to save Emma. You should have heard him comforting Henry…" Regina trailed off again.
Robin frowned, "Well you will…we will all save Emma and put this bloody mess behind us once and for all."
Regina shook her head, "Last time she wasn't fully dark though. This…this is full darkness."
"Doesn't matter. Where there is darkness there is always light. We have to remember that, now come on. Let's bring them the drinks." He held up one tray and Regina nodded and held up the other as they walked into the livening room.
"Emma please, we are not trying to label you-" This is what Archie was saying as Regina and Robin re-entered the room with the drinks on a trays. However they were both thinking that they might have walked in at the wrong moment.
Emma scoffed, "Oh please you are labeling me right now. With all this writing and talking as if I need to be locked up." She stood up and started pacing.
"Emma we are sorry-"
"STOP SAYING THAT INFERNAL WORD!" Emma yelled. Just as she yelled, a painting hanging up on the far wall shattered and fell to the floor.
"What did we miss?" Robin asked wide eyed as they gently placed the trays on the coffee table.
Killian shook his head at them as Emma hugged herself closely and shook a bit. The door opened slowly, and Gold and Belle entered holding bags in their hands. Seeing the scene, they quickly placed the bags on the dining room table and entered the room, "What the heck happened?" Belle asked as she approached them.
Emma was holding her head in her hands muttering quickly to herself, "Long story," David muttered as he regrettably moved him and Snow away from Emma's range. Killian slowly followed suit with Henry at his side.
Archie had no such feeling as he placed Emma's file down on the table, but Emma saw this movement and looked at him dark hazel eyes flashing, "Emma please we-"
"It wasn't my fault!" Emma yelled bluntly, "If it wasn't for that damn teacher I wouldn't have smashed that motorcycle!"
Archie stood up and held his hands up. He had skimmed through the file when she had her encounter with Snow and David and saw the brief mention of an incident, but that was it, "Why did you smash it Emma?"
Emma appeared to be younger as she paced back and forth with shear agitation and anger, "You read the report! You talked to the principal and those fake people! You know what happened!"
"Emma-"
"STOP PATRONIZING ME!" Emma yelled, "I do not need your pity!" She was shaking now and then started to cry, "Why didn't you people just let me jump?"
This shocked everyone as they exchanged glances. Archie's mouth went dry as he looked at Emma, who seemed younger in appearance as well as broken, "Jump?"
Emma laughed this time in disbelief, "I am not falling for this…" She then began pacing again, "I am not going to stand for this…this is my life…" She looked at Archie again, "If I want to end my life then I will!" *A/N: HERE IS WHERE YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP*
"Wait Emma!" Archie yelled and suddenly on a whim the room filled with dark smoke and Emma had vanished.
"What the hell happened?" Snow asked quickly, "What was that about?!"
Archie sprang for the file and began to quickly flip through it, "Here! Uhm…"
"We do not have time for uhms Archie." David said as he looked over his shoulder.
"Right, Emma was fourteen. She smashed her teacher's motorcycle with a bat-" Archie quickly read.
"Why?" Henry asked feeling sick as he recalled Emma's haunting words.
"Does it matter?" Killian snapped not thinking, "We have to find her."
"Call her back." Snow said looking at her step-mother, "Use the dagger."
Regina scrambled to find the dagger on her person and pulled it out, "Dark One! I summon thy!"
They waited, but Emma did not appear, "Try again." Gold said looking at her.
Regina held the dagger up again and said more clearly, "Dark One! I summon thy!"
A few more minutes there was nothing, "Emma Swan!" Killian yelled loudly, "Emma Swan!"
"You don't think-" Snow asked softly as David pulled her close. Robin laid a hand on Henry's shoulder for comfort.
Gold held out his hand for the dagger, and Regina eyed him, "Give it to me."
"No way in hell!" Killian said as he pulled Regina's arm away from him.
"Trust me. If you want Ms. Swan back then hand me the dagger." Gold ordered. No one moved and he said quickly, "I believe the clock is ticking. Tick tock…tick tock…"
Regina yanked her arm free and handed it to Gold. He held it up and said, "Take us to the Dark One."
In a matter of seconds, they were surrounded by smoke and in a moment later, they were standing on a building's roof, "How did you know that would work?" Belle asked.
"Emma was resisting its call, but as long as the dagger and the Dark One are in the same realm it will guide you to whoever it is. Just like if the Dark One is in the same realm, they'll hear the summons."
"But Emma was resisting?" Snow asked as she saw her daughter standing on the ledge looking out into the distance.
"Or she is too far gone in the memory to hear us." Gold observed as he saw Emma's form.
Belle looked at them and seeing as to how she reacted to Archie, she hesitantly took a step towards the blonde, "Emma?" She called gently as she gave a hand motion for everyone else to stay where they were and not to talk.
Emma smirked, but did not look at Belle, "So they actually cared enough to send a cop to come find me? Wow I am surprised."
They looked surprised and seeing that Belle was going along with it, David dug into his pocket and pulled out his badge and tossed it to Belle. She caught it and went to Emma's side and flashed it to her, "Of course they care about you."
Emma looked down to the street below, "They shouldn't. It was my fault that Ms. Wilder died."
Belle stole a glance from behind her and saw the confusion on the groups faces, "What happened Emma?"
Emma shook her head, "It doesn't matter. I do not matter. I murdered the only person that gave a flying damn about me. It would have been better if I never existed."
"Emma that is not true." Belle said strongly as she risked taking a step closer to the blonde.
"Why is this happening?" Henry asked frantically wishing there was something he could do to help.
Gold was watching the blonde and could sense the darkness rolling off of her, "The darkness does not only bring paranoia and anger, but it brings to light the darkest parts of your life and feeds off of it."
"But what triggered it?" Killian asked getting ready to move if need be, "She was yelling at us for labeling her, but we weren't."
Archie's mind flashed to the report, "It was me…" He then looked at them as they gave him panicked looks, "I was treating her as a patient then as a friend…"
Before there was a response, their focus snapped back to Emma as she yelled, "It is true. I have known it to be true since I found out the truth about myself!"
"And what truth is that?" Belle asked gently.
"My so called parents: the sperm donor and the incubator for starters!" Snow and David winced as they heard Emma refer to them in such a manner, "They left me on the side of a freaking free-way when I was hours old! Then I was subjected to the hell that is foster care with the most abusive people on the planet!" Emma showed Belle her arm with the list of names on it, "See there they are! Those are the people that I have had so far that are scums of the Earth!"
"Not everyone is like that Emma, please come down from there and we can talk some more." Belle said holding her hand out.
Emma ignored the gesture, "What is the point? Like I said the one person that does care is gone and it is my fault."
"Tell me what happened," Belle repeated gently, "please Emma."
"We got into a fight. I was expelled from that school after smashing the motorcycle."
"Why did you smash it?" Belle asked as she made a slow gesture for two people to step forward.
Robin made a move as did David. Killian wanted to move, but David convinced him otherwise, "I know you are her father mate, but she is my girlfriend. I want to be the one to comfort her. This is my fault after all." Killian growled as he stopped David.
"I know you do, and trust me I would let you, but if she struggles you could accidently hurt her with your hook." David pointed out softly.
Killian glared at his friend, but let him go. Instead he looked at the boy next to his grandmother and paternal grandfather. He went behind Henry and placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort, "This is not your fault." Henry muttered out, "It is mine."
"No it isn't." Regina, Gold, Snow, Killian, and Archie said in reprimand.
"If I hadn't broken the pen, I could have re-written this. Make it so that Emma never took on the mantel of the Dark One…none of this would have happened." Henry said as Emma remained immobile on the ledge, not talking.
"None of us could have seen this coming," Gold said sadly, "besides if you had, who knows what kind of price would have been paid."
Regina looked sadly at her son, but then she realized something else as she looked at Gold. Gold had the sight as the Dark One…which meant a lot of things. He felt her stare and looked at her. Shaking his head, she caught the message: not now.
Snow was about to comment on something as she saw the brief exchange, but was unable to as Emma finally spoke, "Mr. Tanner said something I did not like, he essentially called me out in front of the class. I was already getting a reputation because everyone saw my clothes and knew my story. In response I started to briefly act out…after all everyone knew me as the foster kid and what-not so why not act my part? A couple of the other kids saw me and asked me if I wanted to join their gang. For once it felt like I could belong…however they wanted me to smash his bike in the process as part of my initiation…"
"So you did it to be in the gang?" Belle asked gently.
"I didn't at first. I knew it was wrong, but Harley reminded me of everything he had said…what everyone else was saying…I had the bat, the bike was in front of me…and I thought they could be my family if I did what they asked…" Emma explained, "Anyway after I was sent back to the home, Ms. Wilder got into with me and we fought. I stormed out and I heard a thud, and a gasp. But I didn't do anything…I ran away. I just got back when I saw the ambulance drive away and one the kids said she had a heart attack!" Emma was getting hysterical, "And it was my fault! I let her die! I killed her!" *A/N: OK SAFE TO READ*
It was at this moment that Robin and David, who had slowly inch by inch started to approach. Giving a brief glance at each other, they lunged and swiftly pulled Emma off the ledge, "NO! Let me go!"
David and Robin held firm as Belle went over by Gold as Emma started to cry, "Please…let me go…"
"Regina can't you do something?" Gold muttered quietly hinting at the situation.
Regina looked at Archie, he nodded seeing that Emma was not going to be released from the memory as swiftly as the others. She slowly approached her boyfriend and step-son-in-law. Going over to the blonde, she waved her hand and Emma's cries were silenced. David held his daughter as Robin stood up and joined Regina's side, "They are getting worse it seems."
"The darkness is trying to destroy her soul." Gold said, "Trying to snuff out as much light as possible."
"Can we go home now?" Henry said as he looked at his grandfather holding his mother in his arms.
Regina nodded and waved her hand. In a cloud of purple smoke they vanished from the roof and appeared back at Emma's house. David carried her upstairs and Killian opted to stay up there to keep watch. David appeared back downstairs he went over to the dining room where Regina had tried to serve the food that was brought back from Granny's, however no one was eating or drinking anything; they just sat in silence in grim reflection.
After a few moments Regina spoke up and looked at Gold, "You know more than you are letting on."
"Excuse me."
"Tell us what you know." Regina said.
Eyes flew to Gold and he sighed as he sat back with his arms crossed in thought, "It is speculation but yes I do perhaps know the end game clearly now."
"We know the end game." Henry slowly piped up as he got up to grab his book. When he returned he placed it in the middle of the table, the marked page open for all to see, "See it is going to use Emma to destroy us."
"It is more than that…" Gold said slowly as he looked at the page.
"Please." Snow muttered, "Please tell us how to save our daughter."
Gold looked sadly at the royals. He may have made her the Savior, and had seen many things, but- "You knew about this. All of this." He looked at Regina as she spoke leaning forward on her hands.
"I assure you I did not see any of this." Gold stated.
"You had the Sight." Regina pointed out.
"Yes, but-"
"Any information you can tell will be helpful." Archie said holding up his hand, "I can only do so much in her sensitive position."
Gold sighed and closed the book, "I will do what I can as I promised, but it is speculation." Seeing that everyone was looking at him, he sighed once more knowing this was not going to make anyone feel better.