Pairing: Eren/Mikasa

Setting: Chapter 50. No, I am still not over this chapter.

Words:1480

Rating: T+ (Really strong language)

Notes: I really wanted to do chapter 50 (the latter half of it at least) from Eren's perspective just because of all the things he must have been feeling through it. He changed a lot from this chapter (especially in regards to Mikasa) so I wanted to explore maybe what was going through his head and the first time he really understood Mikasa's feelings and a bit of his own.

February 4th - First Time

Shit. Shit. Shit. This wasn't happening. Fuck. Not again. Not again.

Eren could hear his voice echoing distantly in his head, vaguely recognizing those cries as his own. His eyes were locked on the ground, afraid to look up, afraid to see it all over again. His hands grasped onto the ground, trying to hold himself up, trying to hold onto something.

I let him die. It was my fault. Just like before. Just like always. Nothing I do is right. Shit. It should've been me. Every time.

"Eren?"

Her voice cut through his thoughts even though it was a much softer tone than he was used to from her. Eren pushed himself to, his eyes meeting Mikasa's. She was close to him. Her face looked soft, warm.

Why, Mikasa? We're gonna die here. It's over. I couldn't do a damn thing. You shouldn't have come. You don't deserve to die like that. It's my fault you're hurt. Why can't you see that? Why aren't you angry?

She didn't look that way at all; her eyes were bright as she spoke. He could hear her clearly, even though the chaos around him. The screams. The titans. Tears were in her eyes but not from pain like the ones streaming down his face. No, pain, frustration, fear, that's not what was on Mikasa's face.

She was smiling.

Not just a smile. A bright smile; one that lit up her whole face. That beautiful face of hers. The one he would never get sick of seeing no matter how he acted. Oh God, how he acted towards her.

Why. Why are you looking at me like that? I've caused you so much misery and pain. Why are you even thanking me?

He was staring at her as he felt her body move closer to him. There were words in his head but ones he couldn't get into his mouth. Her own words were hitting his ears, but what…?

For God's sake what are you talking about, Mikasa? We've always been together. Don't thank me for that. I wouldn't have it any other way. For your life? Like that was ever an option. And, Jesus Christ, for that damn…scarf.

Eren felt like he got hit by the hand of a titan. Is that…is that why she kept that thing? Not to remind her of some ridiculous debt she thought she owed him but because what it meant to her. What…what he meant to her. His eyes stared at her as her face inched closer to him, her breath mingling with his and that smile still on her face. She was happy; happy to be here with him at the end of it all.

No.

No. He was not letting it end here; not when there was so much life for them left, so much life together. The ground was shaking. That bastard titan was getting closer, coming for them now.

Eren pushed himself away from here and up onto his feet. His hands curled into fists as he looked back down to Mikasa's surprised face.

"It's just a scarf," he said, his feet firm on the ground. "I'll wrap it around you as much as I need to." If that's what gave her strength, that scarf, him being with her, than that's what he'd always give to her. Mikasa was a strong person, the strongest that he knew, but what he never knewn, never even contemplated was she wasn't strong for him, she was strong because of him. All he wanted was to be with her, from the moment he met her, to have that girl who always amazed him by his side, and he wanted her to feel the same, not because of some debt but because she wanted to be with him too. For the first time, Eren saw her. That's exactly what she wanted and that's all he had ever wanted.

Eren looked up to the titan looming over him. That fucking bastard. "From now on, we'll keep on being together."

You got my mom and you got Uncle Hannes but if you think you're touching a hair on her head, you have another fucking thing coming.

With a yell, Eren threw his weight into a punch. A punch the titan stopped easily with its hand.

No. No. No.

Anger, frustration, desperation, and more love than Eren knew he had in him flooded every limb of his body.

You will not touch her.

His voice didn't even sound like his; his body was acting on its own as he threw himself again. There was a weight in his body, in his arms while he moved. One that didn't drag him down, but sent him forward.

Not this time.

Eren felt the weight leave his body as he tossed his punch, his voice shouting into the field, but this time he made no contact with the titan; the titan that barreled in from behind him did though. He didn't bother to second guess it. He turned to Mikasa who was staring at him with wide eyes.

"C'mon. We need to get out of here. Now." Eren's body was pulsing with adrenaline, his heart pounding in his ears. He kneeled down in front of Mikasa, his back to her, while his hands gestured for her to get on. Her arms were around his neck in a moment. He stood up, taking her with him, and helped her get her hurt legs on his waist where he held them steady against him. She held onto him tightly as he started to walk. Despite the situation they were still in, Eren couldn't help but breathe a small breath of relief. He had her in his arms; she was going to be safe. He'd make sure of it.

He paused for just a moment to look over at where they had been just seconds ago. He heard Mikasa's question to him, but he couldn't have given her a firm answer even if he wanted to, but they were sitting targets here. They had to find the others.

He moved away as fast as he could from the titan who was now attacking the other. Eren quickly glanced around as he walked. Titans were all around them but he could see the green cloaks of his comrades off in the distance. There was their chance. He turned to run as fast as he could without hurting Mikasa, but one titan stood between them.

Reiner.

That bastard traitor.

Eren felt a jolt of anger rush through his body. No. He was so close to getting Mikasa out of this hell alive, and no one was going to get in the way of that.

"Don't come over here," Eren yelled, his eyes narrowing. "I'll kill you all!" Which of course wasn't going to stop that shithead, but the pulse that went through Eren's body seemed to as titans swarmed over Reiner, cutting off Eren's view of him. He had no fucking idea what was going on and it didn't matter. He turned away to try and get to the small band of survivors. Mikasa's sharp breath was on his neck, causing chills to go down his spine. She was okay. She was alive.

"Eren! Mikasa!" Armin's voice called out from somewhere n the crowd. It was breaking and terrified but alive. He was already on his horse with Jean slumped over his back when Eren found him. "Here, get on. We have to get out of here." Armin held onto the reigns of another horse, holding it steady for Eren.

He leaned his head back to Mikasa. "Can you unhitch your gear and I'll help you up."

Mikasa nodded as he felt her hands fumble by his lower back until a weight fell, the noise of the metal hitting the ground barely making a sound in all the commotion. "O-okay."

Eren, as quickly but still as gently as he could, pulled Mikasa from his back and to his arms. Her legs went first onto the saddle while Eren supported and pushed her up the rest of the way.

"Hurry up!" a voice shouted as the remaining few started to ride away.

Eren placed his foot in the stirrup and careful not to kick Mikasa, pushed himself up into the saddle in front of her before Armin passed him the reigns. Eren felt Mikasa's arms wrap tightly around his waist, her cheek pressed up against his back. The horse took off with Armin riding next to them.

No ground shaking. No screaming. No pursuit.

Armin was trying to tell him something but Eren could barely hear him. He could only hear Mikasa's choked sobs, her tears making his shirt stick to his back. He didn't even know when tears started dripping down his own face.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mikasa. I'm sorry it took me so long.