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Stardate 55313.5 Personal Log Entry, Cadet Icheb Hansen
When I walked into my combat skills training class this morning, Jolana wasn't there. It was a relief. I didn't have to worry about being paired with her in any activities. At the end of the class, Sa'eri Maduk, my instructor, called me over and told me Jolana had requested a transfer to the other section of the class, which meets on different days of the week. He seemed a little reluctant to tell me, and then he said, "I realize you two have become very close . . . friends recently. Did she tell you she was planning on making this change?"
I told him she had not, but it didn't matter. Our friendship wasn't exclusive. He seemed quite relieved. When I asked if the fact there were now an odd number of students in this session would pose a problem, he said it didn't matter. "People are absent every now and then anyway. We always have to work around the numbers. You're one of several students who are ready to learn techniques for taking on more than one opponent at a time. I'll start introducing those skills during our next class. It will all work out fine."
When I walked out of the gym where the combat skills class is held, I realized what I'd told Mr. Maduk was true. Our friendship certainly wasn't "exclusive," not anymore. I have a hunch that it never was, from Jolana's point of view. My friends are right. I am already over her, but I'd still like to gain some perspective about what had happened from someone who has more experience with romance.
At this point, consulting Chakotay is out of the question. Harry Kim had a chain of unfulfilling romantic affairs on Voyager. He sometimes as clueless as me, even if I ignore his current situation with Libby Byrd - or maybe because of it. And when I remember how eager the Doctor was to give me advice about the "romantic overtures" I thought B'Elanna was sending me that time on Voyager -which I now think was a little on the creepy side - I'd rather talk to anyone else about the subject. Naomi would probably give me better advice!
Of course, the best "anyone else" was the person I should have approached when I first became confused by Jolana's behavior. I think I can count on his advice not being creepy. He might even make me laugh about what happened.
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"Tom, how do you know when you're really in love?" Icheb asked, after "just dropping in" at the the Paris/Torres home. He'd wanted to time his visit well, so he contacted them just before the dinner hour. They were able to tell him what time he should arrive to avoid any interference with their nightly routine. Icheb had a chance to play with Miral, who was already very mobile for her age, thanks to her Klingon ancestry, while delighting the parents by telling them how beautiful their daughter was getting to be - not to mention so smart, too!
He'd timed his question to Tom well, too. B'Elanna had just carried the baby off to her bedroom for the bedtime ritual of nursing and singing her to sleep. Icheb didn't feel comfortable talking about this particular subject in front of B'Elanna, considering his misinterpretation of her friendliness for a sexual come-on when they were on Voyager.
"I thought you might have another reason to visit us tonight. I'm always happy when someone tells us how terrific are daughter is. I never get tired of hearing that from you, or anyone else I know, for that matter. I have heard a rumor you've been seen around campus with a pretty Ktarian girl who isn't named Naomi Wildman. It's over, I take it? "
Icheb related the history of his relationship with Jolana Tor. When his story was over, Tom commiserated with him. "You seem to be getting over her okay, so I'm certain what you felt was infatuation, not love. Thanks to her, you know what sex is like from first-hand experience, at least. Even though it's over, you've gained something from it. Was it all you expected?"
"It was pretty great," Icheb admitted with a pained chuckle. "I guess I'll miss that the most about Jolana. Our conversations were pretty shallow, now that I think back on them."
"Making love will be even better when you're truly in love with your partner. I guarantee you won't find the conversations 'shallow' then, either. Sharing your feelings will be really important to you then. From what you say, this Jolana didn't really open herself up to you."
"No, she always wanted to talk about me. At first I was flattered by that, but after a while, it got to be boring. Tana Farys, one of my suitemates, said most guys love talking about themselves all the time. She said I was the first guy she ever heard complain about it."
"Here's hoping Jolana isn't planning on publishing a holonovel exposé about 'life on the infamous ship Voyager.' She's not majoring in Journalism, is she?"
"That isn't a major at the Academy now. Was it in your day?"
"'My day!' Ouch!" Tom grimaced, as if in pain. "I've got to admit, it's been a few years since I was there with Laren, but I was joking about the Journalism part. Even in 'my day,' the Academy wasn't the place to go if you wanted to major in that subject."
"Laren - that's Vedek Rikaar Larys, right? B'Elanna told me you were friends at the Academy when we were at your mother's dinner."
"Yes, she was." Tom hesitated for a moment before continuing, "You do know her name was Ro Laren then, right?"
"The Ro Laren who defected from Starfleet?"
"Yes. One and the same."
"She went from Starfleet, to the Maquis, to a religious order on Bajor?"
"Yes, quite a journey. I don't think I have time to tell you all about it tonight."
"You don't want to talk about her in front of B'Elanna, I guess."
"Oh, that doesn't matter. Thanks to the unlovely Seska, B'Elanna knew all about Laren and me before I ever had a chance to meet her. We were all in the same Maquis cell at the time, but I never actually met B'Elanna until the Caretaker snagged our ships and dragged them to the Delta Quadrant. No, I was infatuated lots of times when I was your age, Icheb, and even a few times afterwards, but I've only been in love twice in my life. With B'Elanna, of course. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's really a miracle we both landed in the one place where our love for each other would have a chance to develop and flourish." Tom stopped speaking for a moment and looked away from Icheb as a slow smile spread across his face. "It took six years for us to finally understand that we were meant to be together. Since then, it's been good. So good."
"And the other time you were in love with Laren?"
Tom sighed. "Yeah. We were good friends at the Academy, but when we met again in the Maquis, we were ready for something more. But then I was captured by Starfleet. I was sure I'd never see her again even before I ended up in the Delta Quadrant. And now it turns out my mother has basically adopted Laren and her family! But it's all good. Laren and B'Elanna were friends in the Maquis. They've always respected each other." Tom bent his head down and made a show of looking over his shoulder to check on the location of his wife, but his chuckling let Icheb know it was all a joke when he whispered, "Although it is true my B'Elanna can be a wee bit possessive sometimes." Icheb began to laugh along with Tom, knowing how intensely B'Elanna could react to any threat she perceived to those she loved.
"Seriously, B'Elanna knows there's nothing other than familial affection between Laren and me now. She's my third sister. Laren claims her own Tom is her 'perfect mate', and I know B'Elanna's perfect for me. Laren says her Prophets planned it that way. Maybe they did. Laren lost her own family during the Occupation, you know, but now she has another. It's like the way you and Seven became a family, although with my mom, there was no official court hearing or anything. Mom always liked Laren when she was at the Academy. Laren spent the school holidays with our family. Mom went to Bajor after she thought I was dead. That's when they met again. Laren says she's the one who adopted my mom so her little Tommy would have a grandmother. Mom loves him just as much as she does Miral and my sister's son."
Icheb had an easier time digesting the adoption part of Tom's story than he did about Tom's explanation about how he now felt about Laren. Finally, Icheb admitted, "I guess I don't understand how love works. You were her friend, and then you became lovers, and now you're really okay having Laren be your sister? Is that possible?"
"To fall in love with someone you've known a long time as a friend? Sure. There's a tradition on Earth of falling in love with the 'girl next door.' It happens. Yes, we were really just friends, best friends even, when we were at the Academy, but nothing more. We'd never had any romantic feelings for each . . . well, wait. Let me be honest. I would have welcomed a romance with her when we were cadets, but there were certain . . . barriers back then. It's not my place to explain that part to you, Icheb. However, since she was my friend, she always gave me very blunt assessments about my dates. Girls who were interested in me tried to get on her good side so they'd get a favorable review. She always thought that was very funny."
"So love is complicated."
"It's complicated and simple at the same time, Icheb. It's not a bad thing to have a 'first love' that doesn't work out. That's pretty traditional, too. Many people become infatuated with more than one person before they find the one that's truly 'The One.' Sometimes you fall in love with someone who might actually be 'The One,' but something separates you. I mean, not to be depressing or anything, but widows and widowers do sometimes find another person to love after they've lost their spouse."
"You mean like Harry and Libby?"
"Umm. Probably not the best example. Hey, maybe I'm too hard on the girl. Maybe it will turn out okay for them. I don't know."
Tom cleared his throat and said, "My point is, just give yourself time to find the right one. Don't settle for the first girl who throws herself at you. You deserve better than that."
"My suitemates agree with you. They say I'm better off without Jolana. And it's true, I was getting distracted from my studies when we were going out on dates." Icheb wanted to add that he was even more distracted when they stayed in, but he decided that was too much information. Fortunately, Tom's attention was caught by Icheb's admission about his studies.
"Your suitemates know the situation better than I do. It's not good if you were paying more attention to your social life when you were with her than to your studies. If I had it to do over again, I'd try not to be such a social animal at the Academy. I would have been a lot better off if I'd studied for every class the way I did for the ones I really liked. You know how we were forced into doing a little of everything on Voyager. We'd never have gotten home just on what I learned at the Academy. If not for people like B'Elanna, and the captain, and Seven - and you - I'm willing to bet we'd still be wandering through Hirogen territory."
"What a nice thing to say," B'Elanna commented as she entered the living area. "So, Icheb, are you here tonight because you need advice from Mr. Lonelyhearts here?"
Icheb laughed and admitted, "I did need advice from 'Mr. Lonelyhearts,' and he's given it to me. I broke up . . . well, the truth is, I was dumped by my girlfriend. The odd thing is, I don't think I'm really all that upset about it now."
B'Elanna sat down next to Tom and said, "Then you'll be okay. You're not a loner, are you? You have friends at the Academy?"
"My suitemates are great."
"I never made it all the way through, you know. I dropped out in my second year."
"Professor Chapman mentioned that. He was sorry when you did, B'Elanna."
"I know. I've spoken to him since we've been back. He examined me and gave me passing grades in every Engineering course he teaches. He helped me qualify for my unofficial-official graduation from the Academy - based on time served in the Delta Quadrant, I think. A lot like what happened to Tom when he had his Out-Mate Review from Auckland." She looked over at Tom and smiled so sweetly, Icheb got the idea it might be time for him to leave them to their own company for the rest of the evening.
Tom confirmed this impression by his next comment. "B'Elanna, do you have any advice for our not-so-lovelorn Cadet Hansen so he can slip into his suite before curfew?"
"Only that Academy romances are often pretty shallow, no matter how hot and heavy they may get. I know that from experience, thanks to Max Burke. He called me B.L.T. and thought I'd be flattered. Honestly, I never did like it that much. And then, when we met up again . . . grrrrr."
"I guess I'm glad I had the 'hot and heavy' experience, but I think I'll be better off sticking with my studies until I've graduated and established myself as an officer."
"That may be a good idea," Tom said, putting his arm around his wife's shoulders as they walked Icheb to the apartment door. "However - you know there had to be a 'however' in there, right? Maybe the best way to look at it is to have fun with your friends, but until you find the person you really can't live without, don't try to plan out your life. To quote your Mom, 'It's inefficient.' B'Elanna and I never met in the Maquis, even though we were nominally in the same cell, but despite incarcerations and getting thrown 70,000 light years away from home, we found each other. When the time is right, you'll find the person you were meant to love. Don't rush it."
As he left his friends' apartment building and walked to the transit station to transport back to campus, Icheb found himself thinking Seven and Chakotay. Like Tom and B'Elanna, they'd met on Voyager. But whenever Icheb observed Tom and B'Elanna together, he could tell how much they loved one another. It may have taken years before they admitted their feelings to each other, but once they did, they were "all in," as Austin would say.
Seven's romance with Chakotay was nothing like Tom and B'Elanna's. Perhaps if they'd also had years for their love to grow in the limited environment of Voyager, traveling through the Delta Quadrant, the pair might have formed a very strong bond with one another. Now that they were on Earth, Seven and Chakotay didn't seem to be growing closer to each other. Every time he saw them together, the cracks in their relationship were clearer to see. Any day, Icheb was sure he'd hear that it was over between them.
Maybe he wasn't assessing things clearly. He'd never been in favor of Seven and Chakotay's relationship. He'd never understood how they became lovers in the first place, since their personalities were so different. While Tom and B'Elanna had made their very different personalities work for them, Icheb didn't expect this to happen with Seven and Chakotay.
If they did go their separate ways, Icheb hoped they would find a way to remain friends. While Icheb wanted this for the sake of the entire Voyager family, he also had to admit he hoped this for himself. Seven would take the end of this romance very hard. Losing her lover would bring her pain which Icheb didn't want to see her suffer; and Icheb had no illusions that it would be easy on Chakotay, either.
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