"Блядь, Fuck!" Natasha groaned. She didn't want to give in to walking, she needed to walk, to keep going but the pain was taking over. She knew the gas was there, she knew the spinal was there but both would bind her to a bed. Natasha Romanoff did not do scared, she never did scared but now, now she was scared. She wasn't ready for this, she wasn't ready for the emotions which would come from this. What if she felt all of those endorphins, what if she didn't want to give up the kid? She didn't want this to change her. For the first time in her life Natasha had a family, a dysfunctional family of enhanced individuals, but it was still a family.
She didn't want her family to change with this small thing, this thing that would change her life. She could hear herself groaning, her knuckles turning white as she held on to the headboard of the bed. Her body was almost bent in half, needing to fall to the floor but needing to hold on, to keep going and keep fighting.
She was a fighter, always a fighter.
Natasha looked at the bowl of porridge in front of her. She felt her stomach churn. Steve watched her expectantly.
"You need to eat, Nat."
Natasha sighed, picking up the loaded spoon and looking at it with disgust. She had no want to eat at all, none. It was as though her body was agreeing with her, that she wanted to curl up and die of complaining somewhere. Pepper had bought her these pressure bands for her wrists. Clint had said eating something before she even sat up in the morning would help. None of it had.
Natasha's form of the serum had always prevented her from becoming ill. She hadn't felt the need to vomit for a long time and now it was a daily feeling. She sometimes wished she would just throw up so that she could feel a little better.
Steve had been trying to help her through it, through these first few months of pregnancy. He blamed himself for the way she felt – of course it was his fault, it was his sperm that got her in this situation – but they had all agreed. Natasha had agreed, he had no need to feel guilty but he was Cap, he would always be honourable.
Natasha sighed, " Sorry Steve, I just can't."
Dropping the spoon back in the bowl she sighed, her hand dropping to her stomach. She could feel herself getting bigger, the little thing in their claiming her body and wasting the muscle she put effort into maintaining. It wouldn't be long and she would be on house arrest.
As part of the plan she would be presented as MIA from next month onwards. All press would say that the Black Widow had disappeared, probably to Siberia where they couldn't contact her. It was a clever lie, she was known for disappearing without anyone knowing where she would be. Then, when the time came in five months – not that she was counting – the world would learn the plan, to create another avenger's child. A baby who could save them all when the original team, herself included, were no longer around.
After Thanos, after loosing so many of their friends, their family, they needed more. They were always on her mind, and Natasha knew she was not the only one. Wanda. Vision. Peter. Bucky, and so many others she barely knew. Half the world.
If the team couldn't solve this, if they couldn't control the threat then they would need someone else who could. They needed the little tadpole-like creature in her belly. It was their one hope.