"Kimiko, please," I begged, near tears. She had been crying for a solid hour and nothing I did consoled her. She wasn't hungry, she wasn't gassy, she wasn't soiled. I had no idea how to console my week old child. I looked at her wailing in my arms and felt like a failure.
"Darling?"
I turned towards the bedroom door and saw Akisame.
"She won't stop crying," I sobbed. "I don't know what she wants." He smiled at me gently and walked into the room, taking the wailing baby from my arms.
"Go get something to eat," he said.
"But…" I began.
"She'll be fine," he assured me, shooing me out of the room. I nodded and left, going down to the kitchen and grabbing some onigiri. I sat at the kitchen table, munching on it, wiping away the tears that fell.
"Young lady, why are you crying?" came Hayato's voice from behind me. I didn't look up, merely hung my head.
"It's nothing," I said, sniffling.
"One doesn't usually cry over 'nothing'," he said, walking over and sitting across from me. His massive hand came over and tilted my chin up, his thumb reaching over and brushing away my tears. "What's wrong?"
"I'm a horrible mother," I said.
"Why do you say that?" he questioned.
"Because I can't make my daughter happy," I said.
"Ah, you mean the crying she's been doing for the past hour," he said. "You think because you can't figure out what she wants, you're not a good mother."
"Yes," I said.
"Babies cry," Hayato said. "They cry for everything they want. It may not be as simple as a basic need, they may not want anything except to cry. That doesn't make you a terrible mother. I had a son and I raised Miu, and I know from experience that a crying child can be frustrating, but if you step back for a moment, the answer will come to you."
"Step back?" I asked, scrubbing my wet cheek.
"Take a moment to yourself," he said. "Let her cry, it won't hurt her. Go into the other room for a moment and when you come back, you'll feel better."
"That works?" I asked.
"Worked for me," he said. I nodded and finished my Onigiri. I stood and walked back to my room where Akisame was rocking a still crying Kimiko. I looked at her and realized that she was hungry. It hadn't occurred to me that she would be hungry since she had just eaten an hour and a half ago, but I realized that's what it was. I quickly pulled up my shirt and undid the cup of my nursing bra. I took her from Akisame and held her to my breast. She latched on and sucked noisily, grunting in content. Akisame smiled and pulled me to sit in his lap.