If You Could See Into My Soul

Chapter 6 – Undisclosed Desires

Bella's P O V

Jacob held me close to his chest, the tears seeming to never cease falling from my eyes. Leah spooned me from behind, stroking my hair softly. Alice was fiddling with my stereo, trying to find the 'just right' volume of the City & Colour CD.

After the S.O.S. phone call I made to Jacob, he and Leah both rushed over, Alice not far behind, looking quite disheveled and concerned. They didn't even bother to knock before rushing into my house and climbing the stairs quickly. Jacob took one look at my pathetic form, and lay down beside me, Leah following his move.

They didn't ask for any explanations; I was sure they already knew what this was about. And I believed I had the greatest damn friends in the world.

I sniffled, feeling the tears finally ebb. Jacob kissed the top of my head and swiped at the tears under my eyes. Leah tightened her hold on me just the tiniest bit and Alice finally returned to her spot at my feet.

We didn't speak much. I hardly looked up from Jacob's chest. In those infinite hours, I felt like my life had fallen to pieces. And at one a.m., when Leah and Jacob had decided to head home, Alice took over Leah's position, and I thought that, maybe, my heart had mended, if only the slightest bit.

!#$#!

I was sure I looked like shit the next day, but honestly, I didn't give a damn. My eyes were puffy from all the crying I'd done and my hair was a rat's nest because I'd never gotten around to brushing it after my shower. I showed up to school looking like a bum, and I couldn't have cared less. Alice, on the other hand…

She tsked as we stepped out of the car. She was, of course, as fashionable as ever. She had on white skinny jeans and a navy blue sweater that hung off one shoulder. I had on my most comfortable pair of yoga pants and a gray sweater with an anchor.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and decided to ignore Alice as best I could. She may be my best friend, but she sure as hell could annoy the fuck out of me. I had purposely picked Alice up later than usual, and had driven slower than necessary to avoid any empty time. We went our separate ways for first period, and I thought I would be okay.

That was, until lunch came around. Sage was there of course, though I did my best to avoid looking at him. It wasn't him that bothered me so much as it was the blond bimbo he had draped across his lap. Oh, and his tongue was totally down her throat.

Edward took the seat next to me and I gave him a sad smile. He draped an arm behind me and I leaned my head on his shoulder, needing the support more than I thought I would. The table soon filled up and everyone chattered on around me, while I was lost…somewhere.

Lunch was a fairly quiet affair. For our lunch table, it was quite unusual, but when I looked around all I noticed were couples, so I guessed everyone was just enjoying their significant other. And then there was me. And Edward, still with his arm behind me. It was the first time I was the odd man out, and I felt weird. I had an urge to wrap my arms around Edward just to feel like I was part of the group. It was a little disconcerting.

When we were finally dismissed from lunch, I threw away my still full brown paper bag and shuffled out of the cafeteria. I did my best to ignore Sage, but I just couldn't stop the ache in my chest when I looked at him. She had her hand in his back pocket and he had his hand in hers. It was our thing. Or so I had thought.

Edward snuck up behind me as I trudged down the hallway. His eyes were full of sympathy, and just looking at him looking at me brought tears to my eyes. He brought me in for a hug, and I didn't bother trying to hide the sobs that wracked my body, or the way my tears soaked into his shirt. He whispered comforting words to me and rocked us slowly back and forth, his hand stroking my hair.

It lasted no longer than a minute before I pulled away and wiped my eyes, avoiding his gaze. Edward took my cues and led me to my classroom. Just before we parted ways, he gave me a soft kiss on my forehead and another crushing hug. The smile that lit his lips was small, fraught with worry, but it managed to keep me afloat for the rest of the day.

!#$#!

The remainder of the day was mostly a blur. I didn't pay attention much in any of my classes, but I wasn't worried about it. I didn't bother stopping at my locker, I just wandered outside and got in my car, waiting for Alice to arrive. When she finally did, her fingers were intertwined with Jasper's. She didn't need to tell me that she would be going home with him, it was obvious.

What surprised me, though, was when Edward came up to my car and wondered if I'd like to go to his house. I tried to come up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go, wishing for the reprieve of my bedroom, where I would be free to cry myself to sleep without question. But he merely told me to bring Cailee along with me and walked to his car. It was an unspoken agreement that I would follow him.

And follow him, I did. He lived about twenty minutes from school. After picking Cailee up from school, we went directly to his house. It was in the nicer part of the city; his house was concrete, two stories, with ivy growing up the sides. The porch was wide, the grass lush green. The flowers were pruned to perfection.

Cailee's hand snuck into mine, and I just managed to stop her other hand on its route to her mouth when Edward pushed open the front door. He ushered us in and then shut the door behind us, shaking his coat off.

"Esme?" he called, ducking around a wall, which lead to a very good sized kitchen. The walls were a mocha color, the cabinets were a beautiful cherry, and the space was airy and full of light. It smelled of freshly baked goods, and when I spotted the woman whom I assumed he was calling for, I felt like I'd been transported to another era.

She looked as though she'd stepped straight out of the 50's. Her hair was caramel in color, her wide brown eyes twinkling happily, a wide smile stretched across her face. She wore an apron over her tailored skirt and blouse. I had a hard time believing Edward disliked this woman. Upon seeing her, Cailee shyly hid behind my leg.

"Hello, Edward," she said sweetly, and turning to me, stuck her hand out. "Hello, dear."

"Esme, this is Bella. And her sister, Cailee. Bella, this is my step-mother, Esme," Edward said, somewhat formally. Esme's handshake turned into a hug, which I returned awkwardly, with a withering look thrown over her shoulder. Edward merely shrugged, uninterested.

She then sank to a crouch, making herself eye level with Cailee. "Hello, Cailee. Would you like to help me make some cookies?"

Cailee nodded cautiously, stepping out from behind my leg. She glanced unsurely at me, and I nodded in approval. She took Esme's hand and they walked over to the kitchen island, where Esme helped Cailee into a tall chair and gave her a bowl and spoon.

"Esme, Bella and I are going to be in my room-" she shot him a disapproving glance and he rolled his eyes, continuing quickly, "with the door open. So, if you need me…." He let his sentence linger as he motioned me up the stairs with a quick nod of his head.

The staircase was wide, the wall next to it decorated with family pictures. There was an unfamiliar woman in some of them, but the resemblance to Edward made me believe it was his mother. She was incredibly beautiful. Three of the five bedrooms were up the stairs. Edward's was the last one, around the corner, at the end of the hall.

"Well," he waved me inside, and then stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't take you for a pink sort of guy," I teased half-heartedly, noticing the vibrant color he'd tried to cover with an array of posters.

He rolled his eyes and plopped heavily on his bed. I tried – only a little – to avert my eyes from the trail of hair that disappeared into his dark skinny jeans, but his eyes caught mine. My cheeks flared with a blush and he smirked.

"Rosalie made me trade rooms with her a while back. She said the neighbor was checking her out." He chuckled under his breath, standing up and making his way to the window. "I suggested that she close the blinds, but she didn't like that. Besides, the guy totally was checking her out. He caught a nice glimpse of my junk and I haven't seen his face since."

If he was trying to lighten the mood, he certainly succeeded. I could only imagine too clearly the look on his neighbor's face as he hoped to find the statuesque Rosalie in the window, only to see Edward's 'junk.' I could imagine how that would scar anyone.

I said the last part out loud, and he threw me a wounded look. "I have never received a complaint."

The stab of jealousy threw me for a loop, and I couldn't think of a retort, so I merely shrugged. He wasn't mine, so I had no reason to feel jealous of the girls he had been with. Except that I was. His gaze turned curious, but he didn't comment. I turned my attention instead to the vast shelving of music he owned.

"This is pretty impressive," I murmured, removing a Black Crowes CD from the shelf. I'd heard of the band, but never listened much to them.

He sucked his tongue ring, looking uncomfortable. Maybe that I was touching his things? I made a move to put the CD back where I'd gotten it from, but he took it from me, powering up the stereo that sat on the shelf next to us.

"There's this song…" he shook his head, looking like he was at a loss for words. He studied the back of the CD case, and then began seeking through the songs, landing on one that I vaguely knew.

"It's a good song," I shrugged, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He suddenly looked nervous as he took the seat next to me. She Talks to Angels filled his room.

"When…when I heard this song, it made me think of you. I can't explain it, really. Maybe it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it reminds me of you. Every time." It was his turn to shrug, and he left the bed again. He switched The Black Crowes for Muse and left me alone for a minute to retrieve our backpacks from where we'd left them in the car.

I stood when he entered. "I completely forgot about homework. I should probably go help Cail with hers."

He shook his head and sat on the bed. "Esme's already helping Cailee with it."

"Oh," was my brilliant response. Edward produced a plate of warm cookies, and raised his pierced eyebrow at me. I wanted to bite it. His comment earlier, about the song, made my brain go fuzzy. I snatched a cookie from the plate and shoved it in my mouth, whole. I took my backpack from him and sat back against the headboard, getting comfortable.

We worked mostly in silence. Edward hummed or sang occasionally, making my insides go all warm and tingly. At those times, I'd stuff another cookie in my mouth so as not to embarrass myself by saying something stupid.

Just as we were finishing up, there was a commotion downstairs. Emmett's booming voice was the first thing I heard, before two pairs of feet came bounding up the stairs. Edward's door flew open wider, and Emmett's face dropped its wide smile.

"I told you!" Came Rosalie's smug voice from somewhere behind Emmett. He stepped aside and she entered. "Emmett thought you guys would already be fucking each other, but I told him it wasn't like that! Ha!"

My face burned, and I turned away from them, focusing on the trees outside.

"Dammit, Edward!" Emmett sounded as though we'd personally offended him by not fucking each other. "Well, Es says dinner is ready."

He turned then, Rosalie behind him, continuing on with her rant about how right she was. Edward cleared his throat, scratching his head through his beanie. I began packing up my books and such, thinking it was time for Cailee and me to go.

Edward halted my movements. "You are going to stay, aren't you? Esme will be highly offended if you leave now. Don't let my stupid-ass brother make you feel uncomfortable. He wants everyone else to be fucking because Rosalie has been keeping him in the doghouse lately."

"Is that weird?" I found myself blurting out. "The two of them together, I mean. Does that weird you guys out?"

He shrugged, stretching his arms over his head. "It was strange at first. And it was even stranger when they started fucking – Es and Carlisle were not happy about that. But they love each other, and they aren't related. So, no, I don't think it's weird."

I noticed that he referred to his father as Carlisle, but chose not to comment on it. I followed him down the stairs and back into the kitchen, where the dining room table had been set for all of us. I took the seat next to Cailee, who had chocolate smeared over her face. She beamed at me, and I was glad to see this Cailee instead of the demon-Cailee. Edward took the seat next to me, removing his beanie from his head. Evidently, respect was big in the Cullen household.

Just as Esme was setting a large pot of what looked like ravioli on the table, Dr. Cullen walked through the front door. Again, she reminded me of the 50's. Her apron still on, she scuttled to meet him at the door. She took his briefcase from his hand and set it down, like it was too difficult for him to do after a hard day's work. She helped him remove his jacket, and then kissed him full on the lips, telling him dinner was already on the table. He entered the kitchen loosening his tie, taking the remaining seat at the head of the table.

"Hello everyone," he said, his smile wide. His eyes lit as he caught my face. I had the distinct impression he could not remember my name.

There was a murmured hello from everyone around the table. It seemed that everyone was frozen in place, waiting for someone to move. And then Carlisle moved, and we all followed suit. Dinner was a fairly quiet event. Dr. Cullen and Esme conversed pleasantly, and they would occasionally turn to one of their children and ask them a question, which would warrant a pleasant reply. I felt entirely out of place.

And then Cailee spoke up. "Dr. Cullen, my boo-boo is all better now!"

"Cailee," I muttered quietly, "don't talk with your mouth full, please." She pouted.

"That's quite all right…" He trailed off, and again I felt as though he had no idea who I was.

"Bella," Edward inserted tersely. Carlisle's eyes flickered over his son, head down, and fist around his fork.

"Bella, of course, how could I forget?" he murmured, his words only seeming sincere. Then he turned to Cailee. "I see that your boo-boo is indeed all better. I'm quite glad."

Emmett snickered as he reached for seconds. Cailee beamed.

!#$#!

Edward remained silent after dinner. It had been an awkward affair, but I didn't see his need to sulk over it. I helped Esme clear the table, despite her protests, and when I saw Cailee falling asleep on the sofa next to Dr. Cullen, I announced that it was time for us to leave.

Edward silently retrieved mine and Cailee's backpacks as I helped Cail into her coat and shoes, and then did the same for myself. Edward walked us out to my car, his hands deep in his pockets.

"I'm sorry about that," he made a vague gesture towards his house. I shrugged, not really bothered by the strange event.

"Can I ask you something?" I wondered, leaning against the Beetle for support. I was reminded that my car was still with Sage, and I needed it back. I'd have to talk to him about that.

Edward nodded cautiously. "You seem to not like your father very much. I guess I was just wondering why?"

I was aware that my question was more of a statement, and also aware of the way Edward's face darkened. He chuckled mirthlessly, tugging at the hair that hadn't been covered by the beanie. "It's a long story," he muttered, kicking at a rock.

I turned away from him, making my way around the car. So he didn't want to talk about it. I could respect that. "Well, I'd like to hear it someday."

His anger surprised me. "How about you just drop it?"

I looked at him, something twisting unpleasantly in my gut. Shaking my head, I got in the Beetle; Cailee's soft breathing meeting my ears. I started the car and began backing out of the long drive. Instead of going back inside the house, Edward disappeared in the trees surrounding.

The drive home was silent, and when I pulled in my driveway, I was unsurprised to see my father's car gone. He was never home much. I extracted Cailee from the car and changed her into a pair of pajamas before putting her to bed. After changing into a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie, I grabbed my laptop from my desk and sat Indian-style on my bed.

My phone chirped with a text message, and I glanced at the screen long enough to see that it was from Edward. I scanned the short version, reading the 'I'm sorry' and imagining the look on his face. I knew it was sincere, but I did not reply.

Instead, I picked up my phone and sent a text to Sage.

We need to talk. I want my car back. – B

After sifting through Facebook and my e-mail, I shut my laptop down and lay my head on my pillow. To my surprise, my phone rang. And it was Sage.

"Hello?" I answered hesitantly.

"Hey. What are you talking about; you want your car back?" He was immediately on the defensive. Great.

"Uh, exactly that. I'd like my car back," I stated plainly. My phone beeped, telling me I had a text, but I didn't look to see who it was from.

Sage chuckled, and I was reminded of why I loved him. "Bell, I can't give you your car back. Then I wouldn't have a car."

"I don't really see how that's my problem, Sage. I'm sure you have plenty of people willing to give you a ride wherever it is you'd like to go. I'd like my car back, so I can get it fixed."

"Fixed?" He didn't sound surprised, but confused.

"Yes, fixed. Last time I checked, there was a sizeable dent in the bumper." I shook my head, pulling my blankets up tighter to my neck.

"Right. I'm not paying for that."

I hardly suppressed a growl. "I'm not asking you to pay for it. I just want my car."

"Fine," he snapped. "I'll bring it to school tomorrow."

"How will you get home tomorrow?" I couldn't help but wonder.

"I don't think you need to worry about that," he murmured.

"Right, you're right, I'm not worried about that. You can give me the keys at lunch."

"Fine." He was silent, and I was about to hang up, when he whispered, "What are you wearing?"

"You're disgusting," was all I could manage, before I disconnected the call and pulled the blanket over my head.

I had completely forgotten about the text I'd received while on the phone, and was too tired to read it then. I drifted to sleep and dreamt of Edward and his emerald green gaze.

Reviews are lovely. Sorry for the long delay; such is life.

The songs are Undisclosed Desires by Muse and She Talks to Angels by The Black Crowes.

See ya next time.