If You Could See Into My Soul
Chapter 9 – Candle
I couldn't remember the last time I was nervous to see a guy. It was certainly before Sage and I started dating, and that seemed like a lifetime ago now.
The butterflies in my stomach battered unrelentingly as I finally heard the familiar sound of a car pulling in the drive. I zipped my coat and threw my backpack over my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I walked outside to Edward's car.
He had offered to pick me up when I told him the bad news about my car. Jacob and his friend Sam had taken a look at it over the weekend, and the news wasn't anything less than I expected – I really shouldn't drive the car. Whatever Sage had done to it made it unreliable, and really unsafe. They weren't even sure what he had done, or if it could be fixed. Edward had been all too happy to offer to pick me up. Charlie, however, had been furious. He had to be the one to take Cailee to school now, and that really put a dent in his plans of sleeping until noon.
Jasper and Alice sat in the back seat together, hands clasped tight, barely taking eyes from one another as they said hello. The soft sound of music filled the space – something with too much bass, too mainstream for Edward's taste – as I closed the door. Edward leaned across the center console to grab my face, planting a kiss directly on my lips.
Alice squealed happily behind me, and I broke the kiss to meet her eyes. Her own shone brightly, happily towards me. Turning to Jasper, she shouted triumphantly, "I told you so!"
He rolled his eyes and kissed her quiet. Edward tucked stray strands of blonde and red behind my ear. He smiled as he found the purple-pink mark on my neck, a reminder of our first real kiss only two days ago. I wanted to be mad at him for marking me, but I found the thought of his mark sexy. People would know I was his.
The drive to school was quiet. Well, as quiet as it ever was with Alice around. She was already planning a quadruple date, thinking it would be 'so much fun to go bowling!' Edward couldn't contain his eye roll at the idea, but my best friend was none the wiser and continued with her plan making. I was the only problem, having to work far more often than not.
Sometimes it was hard not to be bitter about the fact that I had to work, and my friends did not. Jacob had an unofficial job at Sam's shop, though he only worked when he needed to. He still had plenty of time to spend with Leah, and with his friends. Alice didn't have to work – her mom provided everything she needed and more, and her mom wanted her to 'focus on her studies.' And as for the Cullens, well, it was fairly obvious they didn't have to worry about a job to have the things they needed.
I guess having a job was about to come in handy though, with needing a new car and all.
Pulling in to the school parking lot started a new barrage of butterflies in my stomach, though I couldn't pinpoint why. It's not like I was going to shock anyone by being with Edward Cullen. No one paid that much attention to me. The only thought that came to mind, was that I was nervous to see Sage, see his reaction to my being with Edward. I also had to return his ring, though I hoped I could just slip it into his locker before he showed.
Edward held my hand in one of his, the other holding a cigarette. He walked with a contented smile on his face towards school, and I couldn't help but think that he was smiling because he was with me. He offered me a cigarette, but I refused because of Alice's previous reaction to my smoking. He held his own out to me for a quick puff before we entered the building, and while Alice was preoccupied with Jasper. I did so hesitantly.
"It really is a bad habit, you know," I murmured, looking up at him from under my lashes.
"So is that lip biting thing you do," he retorted. He tipped my chin up to meet my mouth with his, kissing me softly just once. He tasted faintly of peppermint, and I wanted more. And like he knew I would, I bit my lip.
He chuckled, shaking his head. He walked me to my locker, gathered my books for me, and refused to let me carry them to my classroom. I was just beginning to think I could get used to this sort of treatment when I saw Sage propped against the wall outside of first period. My good mood suddenly vanished.
"You know, B, I always thought you were a slut, but you didn't have to go and prove me right." He kicked off of the wall, stalking towards me. He was totally unphased by Edward's presence, and I felt Edward tense beside me the closer Sage got.
"Sage, just go. I'm done talking to you. We're done," I barely managed to stutter out before he stopped in front of me. He grabbed my arm, the same place where the bruises he left were yellowing and fading.
"You don't get to tell me when I'm fucking done," he seethed. The hand holding me gripped tighter, nails biting into flesh, before it was gone.
Edward pushed me behind him, shoving Sage away. "How about you go fuck yourself. She's not interested in whatever you have to say."
Sage took a step forward, pushing Edward backwards, right into me. I fell on my ass and wrist, struggling to scoot far enough out of the way to avoid being stepped on. I could see the veins in Edward's arms standing out, could feel the tension building. As could the rest of the student body, as they stood and stared at the pissing match that was quickly escalating.
Sage swung first, Edward barely managing to duck out of the way. The next second, Sage was shoved against the wall, and Edward's hand was a tightly balled fist, ready to strike, while the other held him in place against the brick. And then Emmett was there, between the two. His hulking figure shrouded Sage from me, for which I was grateful.
"Hey fuckers, how about we stop right there. Ed, I'm all for you beating the shit out of this douche bag, but be tactful about it, okay? Let's not do this here. Go get your girl." Emmett nodded his chin towards me, where I still sat huddled at the foot of a locker, making myself as small as possible. Out of sight, out of mind.
Edward knelt in front of me, his eyes softening as he regarded me. His arms stayed tight with tension, however. "You okay?"
I cradled my wrist to my chest, ignoring the aching pain I felt. I nodded. I wasn't sure if I could speak. Edward was willing to fight Sage for me. The idea was sort of hot, and I couldn't figure out why on earth he would want to defend me. So far, I was more trouble than I was worth.
"Wasn't there something you needed to return to him?" His voice was softer. Maybe he was afraid if he spoke too loudly, I may startle like a caged animal. I couldn't decide if he was wrong.
I nodded again, digging into my jeans pocket to pull out the ring. Edward's jaw clenched, but he took it from me and handed it to Emmett. Emmett snorted at the ring, shoving it into Sage's chest. It was the last token of Sage's love, and I was pleased to know that I felt no sadness giving it back.
"Seriously dude, you couldn't do any better than a ten-dollar ring? That's just sad." Emmett continued to laugh as Sage plucked the ring from his hand, pocketing it.
"Ten-dollar ring for a ten-cent whore. As far as I'm concerned, she got more than she deserved." Sage sneered over Emmett's shoulder. Blue eyes that I once thought were so beautiful, home to me, were now cold and angry. "It was so easy to make her believe I loved her. How pathetic."
Edward wheeled around, fist ready to strike again, but Emmett blocked him. "Come on man, he's baiting you. You know he's full of shit. Don't give him the satisfaction. He'll get what's coming to him."
The last sentence was like a promise between Emmett and Edward, and finally Edward dropped his hand, relaxing just the smallest bit. He turned back to me, offering his hand to help me stand. He picked up my books again, ushering me into the classroom.
"You sure you're okay?" His intent green eyes refused to leave my face. I nodded again, and he raised a brow, tongue ring click, click, clicking.
"I'm okay," I whispered, a weak smile pulling up one corner of my mouth. He returned the gesture, and then leaned in to place a soft kiss on my lips.
"Wait for me after class, and I'll walk you to your next room." It wasn't a question so much as it was a demand. And just like that, I knew he was over whatever had happened this morning.
At this, I rolled my eyes. That made him really smile. "Edward, I think I can manage to make it to my next class without incidence."
"Humor me, honey. Let me be there for you." The pet name slipped easily from his tongue, as though I were sweet enough to have earned the name. Sage rarely called me pet names, usually only B. I quite liked being called something so saccharine. And I really liked it coming from Edward.
I nodded again, suddenly mute from the intensity of his gaze. How had I never noticed the gold flecks around his irises, the way humor danced across them, how truly, deeply green they were? Like the trees after rain. He kissed me one last time and brushed the hair from my face. He winked as he exited the room, taking the breath from my lungs as he went.
Alice breezed into the room right after him, seconds before the bell rang to signal the beginning of class. Her eyes searched me intensely.
"Jesus, Bella. I leave you alone for, like, five minutes, and you start a war between your ex and your new boyfriend. What the hell am I going to do with you?" Her voice was breathy, winded. I also noticed that her skirt was just slightly crooked, hair not quite as coiffed as it had been this morning.
I lifted a brow in response. "I didn't start shit; Sage did. And I think you and I need to have a talk about what you were doing this morning that pulled you away from the showdown. Or should I say who?"
A blush settled over her cheeks, and I nearly choked. I couldn't believe she was actually blushing. She opened and closed her mouth several times to retort, but nothing came out. Blushing and speechless. Had hell frozen over?
"Mary Alice! I can't believe you! In school?!" I started giggling at the idea of my best friend having sex under a stairwell or bathroom stall. It was so unlike her. I think I liked the influence Jasper was having on her.
"We didn't," she hissed, eyes darting towards the blackboard where the teacher had begun his lesson. "We just, you know…" She made a crude tongue in cheek gesture and I nearly lost it. Even she had to bite her lip to keep the laughter at bay.
"I hope he at least reciprocated," I teased, watching as her blush intensified. Alice had never been shy about boys or sex. Her reaction must mean she really liked Jasper. It made me happy to see her so happy.
"Don't worry, I'm good," she winked. I couldn't help the snort that burst out of me, Alice slapping both hands over her face to hide her laughter.
"Ms. Swan, Ms. Brandon, something you'd like to share with the class?"
Our eyes snapped forward, but I couldn't settle the blush rushing through my face. "No, sir."
"Definitely not sharing," Alice said solemnly. A hint of a smile tugged at her lips, and she reached up to flatten out her neat black hair.
This time, I had to excuse myself to the ladies' room to compose myself. Alice was so going to get it.
!#$#!
True to his word, Edward met me outside after class. And every class after that. He left me at each room with a small kiss and that smile that I didn't think I could love more. But every time I saw it break across his face, I felt my heart stutter.
I was most afraid to enter the cafeteria come lunch time, but with Edward by my side, hand tucked firmly in his, I found that it wasn't so bad. Sage stared me down, I could feel the intensity of his gaze burn the back of my head. Edward was unperturbed, ignoring him completely. Whatever he and Emmett had discussed had calmed Edward's ire considerably. He looked almost completely at ease, save for the hard set of his jaw. I was doing my best to distract him, hand on his thigh, stroking gently.
It wasn't doing much good, or at least that's what I thought. His hand found mine under the table, halting my movements, and he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Don't start something you aren't ready to finish." I bit my lip and blushed. He pulled my lip free with his thumb, running it over my battered flesh. "You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured.
He moved our hands higher, and I could feel the outline of his semi-hard cock straining against his jeans. I made to pull my hand away, but he held tight, eyes refusing to leave mine. "You do that to me," he breathed. I blushed red, squirming just slightly in my seat. I crossed my legs, trying to appease the sudden ache I felt between my thighs. I had never been so turned on by someone's words before. Unless you counted reading smutty erotica online, but I certainly didn't.
"So, guys, what's the plan for the weekend? I know Alice said bowling, but that sounds…" Rosalie spoke up from across the table. Her eyes were on my face, and I was thankful for her interruption. If Edward had allowed, I would have sucked him off under the table, audience or not. I don't think he would have objected. Rosalie's gaze held mine, concern marring her features. She didn't appear convinced when I smiled, but she looked away regardless, turning to Emmett. Unspoken words passed between them, and his eyes flicked briefly to me, and then to Edward. I wasn't sure I liked the way they were watching me. Like I would break.
Alice pouted. "What's wrong with bowling? It's fun."
"For five-year olds, maybe." Jacob snorted at Alice, and she stuck her tongue out at him. She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest, a temper tantrum brewing.
"What about a movie?" Leah suggested, head on Jacob's shoulder. They were watching me, too. I wiped at my face subconsciously, wondering if perhaps I had pizza sauce on my lip, but I found nothing.
"Yo, come over our house for movie night. There's plenty of space for everyone. We can rent movies, eat food, suck face. It'll be great," Emmett beamed happily. Rosalie rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that broke across her face.
"Yeah, guys. Movie night at our house. Bring your favorite movie," Rosalie added.
"How is a movie night more fun than bowling?" Alice griped. Jasper slung an arm over her shoulder, giving her a rather pointed look. She giggled. "Oh, right."
Once that was settled, after Jacob's questions of 'what time, what kind of food, are there going to be adults, any booze,' Rosalie turned back to me. Everyone else settled back into their own conversations.
"Bella, can I talk to you a moment?" Her voice was loud enough that only Edward, Emmett and I could hear it. Edward rolled his eyes, but bit his tongue at Emmett's stern look.
I shrugged, nervous by her question. "Of course."
She jerked her head in the direction of the vending machine, though I knew she wasn't hungry and neither was I. That made me really nervous. What did she have to say that she couldn't say in front of her boyfriend and her brother? Still, I stood to follow her.
Out of earshot, she paused. Her eyes were soft blue, maybe even a little sad. "I'm worried about you."
I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean? There's nothing to be worried about."
"You and Sage were together for a while. And I know you're going to argue with me about it, but relationships like that have feelings attached, no matter how shitty they were. I see how you look at him, Bella. You watch Edward like you're waiting for the punch line. Like his interest in you is a joke." She shook her blonde locks, pulling them across one shoulder. She shrugged, a small smile on her lips. "I'm not your mom. But I don't want you to think what you had with Sage is what a normal relationship is. Because that was not normal, or okay. He used you. For sex, for notoriety. He used you to make himself feel better."
I was shaking my head before she was finished talking. "What Sage and I had is nothing like what I feel for Edward. And yeah, sometimes I do feel like it's all a big joke. Like Edward will tire of me, too, and toss me aside just like Sage did. But that's my problem, okay? That's my own shit to work through."
She bit her lip. "I'm not telling you how to live your life. I'm just warning you to tread carefully. Edward falls fast, and you're an amazing person, Bella. For his sake and yours, be healed before you commit to him. You two are great together. He's not going to hurt you. He's not Sage."
Rose turned her head, checking to make sure no one was close enough to hear whatever she was going to say next. "I've seen how you flinch when he moves too quickly. Trust me, Bella, I understand. For a long time after Royce, I couldn't stand to be touched. Just, know this. He can see it, too. If it's too much for you, you have to tell him. He can be selfish sometimes, and he thinks he can fix everything. Ask him to go slowly."
My steely gaze was fixed on her face. She looked unphased by my attitude, and I cursed whoever the fuck Royce was to make her so wise so young. My voice was cool when I spoke. "I appreciate your concern, Rosalie. But like I said, it's my own shit to work through."
"Except it's not, babe. We're all here to help whenever you need. Whether it's Edward you turn to, or someone else. I don't know what Sage did to you, and you don't have to tell me. But I've seen the bruises and I've heard how he speaks to you and about you. That's not right. He's wrong. You are loved, and you are worth loving." Her voice was soft, full of conviction. I could feel a tightness in my chest, threatening tears to fill my eyes. I looked away, out to the sea of students packed into the cafeteria much like sardines. It even smelled a little fishy.
"I would never lie to you," she vowed. The undercurrent of truth was evident in her voice, and I smiled softly at her. I reached a hand out to her, and she took my hand in hers. I squeezed softly and let go.
Emmett was sulking when we returned to the table. "Aw, man. I was hoping for some hot girl on girl action. You two are so disappointing."
"Dude, that's my sister," Jasper's voice was disgusted, eyes narrowed at Emmett. "I know what you two do at home, but in public, can we at least pretend we're normal?"
"Yeah, and that's my…" Edward trailed off, eyes drifting to me. "Girlfriend?" He implored, head cocked cutely to the side. He scratched at the beanie on his head.
I wrinkled my nose, leaning in to give him an Eskimo kiss, and then a real one. "Girlfriend."
"My girlfriend!" Edward finished, banging his fist on the table.
Emmett whistled, clapping approvingly. "Bravo, little brother! Bravo!"
"Knock it off, Em. You're embarrassing her," Rosalie chided. She smiled in my direction, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. Maybe she thought I was moving too quickly. Maybe I should have headed her warning to tread carefully. But the smile that danced across Edward's face at my agreement to the term made me feel whole. Unbroken.
Perhaps Rosalie was right. Maybe I was worth loving.
"Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me what's wrong,
I'd be lying if I told you,
Losing you was something I could handle,
Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me how long,
All this darkness will surround you,
Cause I'm burning for you,
Burning like a candle"
Candle (Sick and Tired) - The White Tie Affair
Another one! They just keep on coming. Reviews make me feel alive, people. Send them my way. Maybe if you write a really nice review, I'll send you something good :D
Love you all!
KQL