A little dark & a little lemony ahead. You have been warned.

If You Could See Into My Soul

Chapter 13 – Lullaby

Bella's POV

"Hey Edward?"

He wasn't ignoring me; he was just preoccupied with finishing his summer project. When I'd shown up after work, Cailee in tow because Charlie was working, he had been typing away furiously on his laptop, brow furrowed. I knew he was preoccupied because he was allowing me to binge watch My 600lb. Life, a show he despised.

I knew he was working hard to finish the project so early in the summer because there was a lot to do. With Emmett, Rose, and Jasper graduating, there was a big party planned, as well as working on moving them all to their dorms. Emmett and Rosalie would be heading off to Findlay and Jasper to Tiffin. Edward's eighteenth birthday was fast approaching also, and despite his protest, Carlisle and Esme were throwing a party.

"Hmm?" He quirked a brow but didn't turn to face me. I was laying across the couch, my feet propped in his lap behind the laptop.

I'd also eaten half a bag of Twizzler's – the pull apart kind, obviously – and was working my way through a bag of Sour Patch Kids without any of his smart-ass comments. He had also stayed silent when I'd popped the button on my khakis before laying down. If I hadn't known he was so intent on his project, I might have wondered if he was sick.

"Will you still love me when I weigh 500 pounds?"

He didn't immediately answer. He tapped out a few more sentences, read over what he wrote, and with a satisfied little smirk, snapped the laptop shut. He deposited it on the coffee table and rested his hands on my sock covered feet.

"What?" He drew his fingers up the arches of my feet, and I pulled back to push them against his thigh, because that shit tickled.

"You heard me," I muttered, rolling my eyes. Edward and I hadn't talked much about our futures or college choices, and with senior year approaching, I was starting to panic about what would happen to us. I had to know he was in this for the long haul. I just didn't know how to ask. Asking if he would love me, even morbidly overweight, seemed like it might offer me some insight.

Edward huffed, taking back one of my feet and massaging it. "Bella, I'll love you no matter what."

I quirked a brow. "So, you're saying I'm going to weigh 500 pounds?"

He groaned, though he was smiling. "I don't know how you can watch this show. It's so depressing."

I turned back to the television, aware he hadn't answered my question. "It's inspiring. Knowing that people who are that big can lose the weight makes it seem possible for fatties like me to lose weight, too."

He narrowed his eyes at me, his mouth a scowl. "You are not fat."

I rolled my eyes again, pinching the roll of my stomach to emphasize my point. "Fat."

"Knock it off. You are not fat. You're perfect. And so, what if you weight 500 pounds? I don't love you for your body, I love you for you. Not that you eat often enough to gain that much weight." A pointed look and he moved his hands slowly up my calves to the back of my knees, tickling the delicate skin there. His eyes flashed darkly, a wicked grin on his face. "Besides, I like having something to hold onto when I fuck you."

I blushed scarlet, but my snarky retort died as the front door opened. Cailee burst through the door first, Emmett and Rose trailing in behind with arms full of bags; more dorm shopping. Cailee's pig tails bounced cutely as she ran over to Edward and me. She crawled over my legs, unceremoniously pushing my legs off the couch in her effort to sit next to Edward.

He dropped his arm behind her back, tucking her into his side. I knew it was irrational to be jealous of a six-year-old, but she was trying to steal my man. And doing a pretty damn good job of it. She planted a kiss on his cheek with her chocolate stained mouth. I picked my feet up again, pinning her legs beneath mine.

"Knock, knock, Edward!" She beamed happily at him. Despite the crap that had happened with Renee, Cailee seemed relatively unscathed. She'd had a few nightmares, but thankfully, those had passed. And with Charlie's newfound interest in her life, she was happier than I'd ever seen her.

"Who's there?" Edward was enamored with Cailee. I think it had a lot to do with the crush she had on him, but he never minded sitting through games of Candy Land or Go Fish for her. Still, watching them together did funny things to my ovaries. Made them all swoony for green eyed, copper haired babies that were his and mine.

"Interrupting cow!" Cailee was giggling hysterically, as was Emmett. Rosalie had come from the kitchen with a damp towel, attempting to wipe the chocolate from Cailee's face, but Cailee wiggled away from her, waiting to deliver the punchline of her joke.

"Interrupting cow –"

"MOO!" She crowed, flopping over sideways in her laughter.

Emmett high-fived her before he disappeared. Edward laughed good-naturedly, and even I couldn't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. Rosalie finally succeeded in wiping Cailee's face, despite the continued protest from Cailee.

"Did you have fun, bug?" I wondered. Cailee threw herself down on my stomach, resting her head on her favorite pillow – me. I rubbed absently at my sternum, where her elbow dug in.

"I had so much fun, Belly! Emmy let me ride on his shoulders, and Rose-a-lee gave me a ice cream cone." She picked up the necklace I wore, absently running the charm along the chain. She kicked her feet in the air and brought them back down. Edward winced as one foot landed near his groin, and he quickly removed the shoes from her feet.

"Did you thank Emmy and Rose?" I gave her a pointed look, and she groaned, dropping her head to my stomach.

"Belly," she whined.

"Nope. Go on. March," I sat up and deposited her on the ground, patting her butt to move her in the direction of the stairs. She huffed and stomped up the stairs but called out sweetly for Emmett once she reached the top of the stairs. I faintly heard Emmett growl and Cailee squeal before a door slammed. Sometimes, Emmett was more of a child than Cailee. I was going to miss having him around.

I turned back to the television, yawning. I'd worked the opening shift that morning, which meant being awake at the ass crack of dawn. Charlie had just been getting in from his overnight shift, but he had still offered to make me coffee before he went to sleep. I had declined of course, only to make myself a latte once I'd gotten to work.

Things between Charlie and I were…weird. He was really making an effort to be more present in mine and Cailee's lives. He allowed us reign over the television some nights and would sit through whatever we chose with hardly a grumble. He'd even gone to Cailee's Field Day at school, showing off the cruiser's lights and sirens for the kids. I didn't know if I could trust him, though. For so long, Charlie had been absent from my life. Present, but not active. He had never really taken the time to get to know Sage, and never cared to ask where I was or what I was up to.

Now that I was with Edward, and spending a great deal of time with him, Charlie couldn't seem to stop asking questions. He made an effort to get to know Edward, to sit down with him at the few dinners we had and ask him all sorts of questions. Charlie had even picked up on the fact that I was intentionally keeping Edward away as much as possible, and he had the decency to act chagrined about his previous behavior.

"I'm trying to do better, Bells," he had said. "After everything that happened with Renee…well, I guess it was a wakeup call for me. I needed to get my head out of my ass and pay attention. That never should have happened. Cailee should never have been put in danger, and you shouldn't have had to clean up my mess."

Fucking Renee. With what happened being her first documented offense against court orders, they gave her twelve months parole, and mandatory Narcotics Anonymous meetings to attend. Phil had tried to come around and apologize about what happened, but Charlie had been in uniform, hand on his gun, when that happened. Needless to say, Phil never managed to apologize. Not that I wanted to hear anything from him, anyhow. He was just as guilty as Renee in all of this, and I wasn't sure how he managed to dodge the consequences.

"Hey."

Sometime during my daydreaming, Edward wedged himself between the couch and me. His arms were wrapped around me, and my fingers twined with his. He nuzzled my neck, kissing my shoulder softly. I blinked rapidly, glancing around the room to find my bearings. I could faintly hear Emmett and Cailee bickering upstairs over the television. I wasn't sure how I'd managed to zone out so completely.

"Where'd you go?" His voice was whisper soft, lips tickling me.

I turned in his arms, tucking my head beneath his chin. Maybe it was my exhaustion that was making me feel like crap, but it felt awfully similar to being dragged into a tidal wave. Depression came and went in waves. Sometimes there was no trigger. Sometimes it just felt like a hole had been punched through your chest, and the ache, God, the ache. I could feel it. I could feel the hole opening wide, could sense the ache. God, make it go away. Make it stop.

I rubbed my chest absentmindedly, offering him a quasi-grin. Sadness marred it. "I'm right here."

He hummed, disbelieving me, but chose to say nothing. The sun had begun to fade, and he clicked off the television, dragging me to my feet. I hopped into his shower, hoping that the warm water would ease some of the ache I felt, but it only served to hide the tears. I scrubbed at my skin, making it red and raw. I wanted to bleed out the hurt. But I couldn't. He was right there…and Cailee…I couldn't. And I'd promised him I would tell him when I felt like I would, but…

Another lie, then.

He stepped into the shower as I exited the bathroom, finding Cailee curled up on his bed. Rosalie had braided her hair in a halo around her head, and with her finger in her mouth, she truly resembled a cherub. I scooted her over just slightly, towards the center of the bed. I dragged my journal out from my discarded bag, jotting quickly my feelings and the progression of the day. No trigger to be found. Just a bad day.

Journaling was supposed to help. I suppose maybe it did help to write things down. Previously, I would write things and then burn them. But now, I had been told to keep my words, to look over them when things were getting bad. Find a pattern. There had to be a reason for these moods.

But I couldn't find one.

I clicked the light off, drawing Cailee close to me. I scrubbed away the few tears that had dared to escape, wishing I could be one of those people who just cries it out and moves on. But that was never me. Edward joined us minutes later, throwing an arm across the pillows to allow me to rest my head on it. His other hand found mine, and we joined them together over Cailee's stomach.

His eyes held mine as the minutes ticked by. They seemed to say what he couldn't.

I'm right here. I love you. You're going to be okay.

!#$#!

I blew him off.

The first time in the six months we'd been a couple, I blew him off. We had plans for breakfast at that same dingy diner with the busty blonde, but come morning, I was drowning.

No one talks about how much depression physically hurts. About the ache, the numbness, the hollowness. How heavy my limbs felt and how foggy my mind was. How my anxiety tells me to move, get up, do something! And depression quietly tells it to fuck off, we're not moving.

I kissed him before I left, scrawling an 'I'm sorry' on a scrap piece of paper and leaving it on his nightstand. Cailee had already been awake, eating a bowl of cereal with Dr. Cullen in the kitchen. He looked surprised when I put Cailee's shoes on. I apologized to him, too, and then I was in my car and down the driveway as the hole in my chest widened and consumed me.

I couldn't remember the drive home. Couldn't remember helping Cailee get dressed, couldn't remember telling Charlie that I would be in my room doing homework. My earbuds were tucked into my ears, though they were more of a deterrent to Charlie than anything else. The music was far too low for me to really hear it.

Edward texted me. Of course, he did. I didn't expect him to let me go and say nothing all day. He texted me every half hour, just asking if I was okay. And then when I didn't answer, he called the house phone. Charlie had the sense to tell him I was fine. I asked Charlie to play stupid if Edward showed up – that I was fine, just not feeling well – and he agreed, albeit grudgingly.

"That boy hurt you?" He muttered gruffly, moving his green pawn two blue squares ahead. Cailee pouted, as he was now a mere five blocks from King Candy. Her yellow pawn sat stuck in a gumdrop.

I shook my head. "No, Charlie. I just need to get some work done, and he's a distraction."

That was true enough. He was a distraction most of the time. Usually a welcome one. But today, today I wanted to drown. Today I wanted to be consumed in sorrow. I couldn't explain it if I tried, but sometimes, the all-consuming sadness was a comfort. Familiar.

I knew sadness, was intimate with it, even. I knew the feeling, how it crushed and cradled me. How I could lie still for hours, only barely remembering to breathe and feel sad. I'd say it was like an old friend, but there was nothing friendly about it. Just familiar. All too familiar.

I don't know how long I laid there, eyes boring holes in the ceiling. I couldn't tell you what song was playing. I just knew that I couldn't cry. I thought of every shitty thing I could think of, but nothing happened. Full of numbing sorrow, I laid there. I begged for it to be over, or to consume me completely. I envisioned all the ways I could make it stop. I wouldn't say I was suicidal. I don't think I could have acted on any feelings…but sometimes, the thoughts were there all the same. The thoughts that were the reason for the scars on my thighs.

Did I want to die? Sometimes, I guess. When the sadness was at its peak, I wished for an end. But I was too afraid to end it myself. Instead, I dreamt of all the ways it could happen. I wasn't brave enough for any of them.

God, I hated this. I hadn't felt so badly in months, long before Edward. Days like these were usually spent in the same fashion – holed up in my room, isolated from the world. I sometimes attempted to explain how I felt to Alice or Jacob, but they didn't understand. They couldn't, and I didn't want them to really know how it felt. To have them know, meant they suffered, too. Charlie even left me alone, kept Cailee occupied. They may have even left. I didn't know.

I didn't care.

"Bella?"

I blinked hard, frowning. Alice stood next to my bed, her brows pinched in that concerned way she had mastered when it came to me. I pulled one bud from my ear, though it wasn't really necessary. There was no music. I think my phone may have died at some point.

"What are you doing here?" I cleared the hoarseness from my voice, swallowing harshly.

She perched on the edge of my bed, observing my room. Looking around, I guess I should have seen this coming. I hadn't put my dirty laundry in the wash, hadn't put away what was clean. My bed was unmade, my desk cluttered with who knows what. I hadn't bothered to change clothes either, still in a pair of leggings and Edward's t-shirt. The same type of disregard usually foreshadowed these horrible moods.

"Edward asked me to check on you. You weren't answering your phone, and you blew him off. He thought maybe you were mad at him. He's worried." She lifted one shoulder in a shrug, picking at imaginary lint on her skirt. She looked really pretty; date worthy, even. She wore a pale pink sundress and denim jacket. Espadrilles were laced around her ankles.

"You were on a date," I muttered. I sat up, scooting to the back of my bed to rest against the wall. How much would I take from my friends? I was the worst sort of friend. All take, no give. "You look pretty."

She flapped her hand in the air, standing. She strutted over to the pile of clean clothes in the laundry basket, beginning to sort and put them away. I bit my lip, wanting to tell her to stop, but knowing that if she did, then things would never get done. Not until I felt better, anyway. And who knew how long that would take.

"Jasper's been weird lately, anyway. Scared about leaving, I think. He's worried about us. Like I won't come and see him, or he won't come see me. He thinks he'll be too busy with classes to have time for me, or whatever." She shrugged again, standing to hang that damned navy-blue dress in my closet. It was Edward's favorite article of my clothing, and I'd already worn it several times through the summer. Alice and I had planned a trip to the mall to find more dresses for me to wear. Had I missed that? I think I had.

"And I'm sure he will be busy," she continued, not looking for me to answer. "But the thing is, I love him. I never thought I would love someone that way, but holy crap, I love him. Like, he's it for me. So, I'll make the effort, just like he will. It won't be easy, but things worth having aren't always easy, right? Things will work out just like they're supposed to, I know it. I've seen our future, and the future looks bright."

Once she was finished with my laundry, she pulled me from my bed, depositing me in my desk chair. She dragged the sheets from my bed and redressed the mattress. It wasn't her first time doing this for me. Sadly, she was almost an expert in Bella rescue, as was Jacob. How unfair of me to be that sort of friend. The kind who needed rescuing from herself.

She disappeared into the hallway, returning with my basket full of nail polish. I so rarely painted my nails because work didn't allow anything other than clear polish. Alice continued to prattle on about Jasper, connecting my phone to its dock and restarting the music. She painted my nails a dark, shimmery purple that I usually reserved for my toes. When she was satisfied with that, she moved on to my hair, brushing and fluffing it, then separating it into two French braids.

At some point, she must have sent Edward a text to let him know I was okay, because he stopped trying to get a hold of me. Alice sat in the middle of my bed, head propped in her hands. She regarded me quietly.

"Wanna talk?" She wondered. I knew she meant about my mood, but I wasn't sure I could explain it properly, so I shook my head. She nodded, having expected the answer. She snatched my laptop from the floor and a movie from my shelf, dragging me to bed with her.

Together, we made a nest of pillows and blankets, and I burrowed into them, resting my head in her lap. She had chosen a movie we had both seen a thousand times, so neither of us truly paid attention. I didn't have the will to focus on it, anyway.

"We should do your hair again," she murmured, tugging gently on the twisted strands. The red and bleached blonde had faded, both of them turning a sort of pink color. My roots had grown out also, and my hair was very nearly down to my butt. Edward loved to play with it, loved to run his fingers through it, loved to tangle himself in it.

But I…

"Cut it," I whispered.

Her hands found my face, pulling it up from her lap to stare so intensely at me. "What?"

"Cut it, Ali. Cut if off."

Change is good, after all. Change is refreshing. Maybe that's what I so desperately needed in my life – a little bit of change. She didn't have to cut it all off, maybe just the outgrown color. Maybe a little more than that. Just enough to leave Edward something to play with.

Her eyes sparkled, a million ideas already running through her overactive mind. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, allowing her to pull me from the blanket cocoon and to the bathroom. She rummaged in the closet, pulling out a pair of scissors and hair clips. I sat patiently on the closed toilet lid, watching as she scrolled through some pictures of hair ideas. I had no input in the matter, other than leaving some length for Edward. After shampooing my hair and brushing it out, she took a deep breath.

"Bell. Are you really sure?" Her lips pursed, her eyes narrowed. She was making sure I wasn't making a decision I would regret. Maybe I would. But I needed to feel different. I itched to cut the horrible feelings away, and razor blades were out of the question in the moment, so cutting hair seemed to be the next best thing. Edward would approve of a haircut over flesh wounds any day.

Besides, I trusted Alice. She'd been doing my hair for years and had never lead my astray before. She could do whatever she pleased. I would be happy to make her happy. Maybe I could cut the sadness away, too.

"Positive."

!#$#!

He stared.

He hadn't said anything about my hair yet, he just stared.

It was still quite long; almost long enough to cover my breasts. Alice had cut long layers, angling the front portion to frame my face. I think it was the color he was stuck on, though. It was still brown, but she'd added some lowlights and copper highlights. There was also a lone streak of dark purple on my left side.

It had been a few days since I'd seen him. After ditching him for breakfast, I expected him to be angry, but he just asked if I was okay. When I said I was, he smiled. We'd texted a lot and had spoken on the phone a couple of times. I wasn't trying to avoid him, it just so happened that I wound up working some split shifts. He had also been busy preparing for the upcoming graduation party, the reason I was standing in front of him.

"Damn," he muttered. He pulled some loose purple locks forward, curling them around his finger. He gave me a toothy grin. "I love it."

I lifted one side of my mouth, trying to smile for him. I was mostly better. Just a little sad. "Really?"

Instead of an answer, he kissed me, full and slow on the lips. He cupped my face so gently, springing tears to my eyes. I reached up to hold on to his wrists, afraid to let him go. I was in no mood for the party, to pretend to feel better than I did. But maybe, with him, I could do it. Besides, parties meant cake. And who would pass up cake?

"Edward…oh. Sorry, dears." Esme quickly turned the corner to give us privacy, but Edward had already broken the kiss. He took the box from her hands, presumably the reason she had been looking for him. "Outside, please, Edward. Set the utensils on the long table. Thank you."

Esme brushed a well-manicured hand through her hair, her eyes kindly taking me in. Alice had taken it upon herself to find me some more dresses, because, yes, we'd had plans, and I'd forgotten. The one I wore was almost indecently short, and I had to be careful not to raise my arms too high to avoid exposing any scars. It was olive green with large white flowers, and it paired so nicely with my tattered white Vans. My hair was mostly pulled up into a very messy bun, but quite a bit had fallen out and was curled loosely around my face.

"It suits you, Bella. Very lovely," Esme murmured. She smiled softly and exited through the patio door, and I wasn't sure if she meant the dress or my hair. Either way, I think I liked her.

I'd come over early to help set up, but most everything had already been done before I arrived. There wasn't much left besides moving the food outdoors, but it was still too early for that. I bit my lip as I followed Esme through the patio door. The deck had been strung with twinkle lights, long tables pushed against the side of the house to hold food. There were fresh flowers on tables, and balloons, and soft music coming through the outdoor speakers.

Edward snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me close against him. He smelled faintly of cigarettes, and mostly of soap and peppermint. I twined my fingers with his, and he twirled me away and back to his chest in time to the music.

I giggled, resting my head on his chest. He looked hot as hell in his khakis and soft blue button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I stepped on his faded black Vans, raising me barely an inch to kiss him again. I felt the warm metal of his tongue ring against my lip, and I bit down on it oh so gently. He pulled me tighter, and I got the idea of just how much he liked when I did that.

"There you are," he smiled. He tucked loose hair behind my ear, but didn't remove his hand, cupping the side of my neck. His thumb stroked my pulse point, and I leaned into his touch.

I furrowed my brow, raising my hand above my eyes to shade them from the sun. "I've been here."

He cocked his head to the side, smile dropping. "You've been so…distant. I missed your laugh. Your smile."

I dropped his gaze, worrying my bottom lip. I hate that I made him worry about me. Hate that he noticed when I emotionally vanished. But how could he not? I didn't exactly try to hide it. The worst sort of friend. The worst sort of girlfriend.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, covering his hand with my own on my neck.

He shook his head, softly smiling again. "No need to be. But you know you can…tell me things, right? That I'm here for everything? Anything? I love you. So much."

I nuzzled his nose with mine, laughing because it tickled. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and I liked the prickly stubble on his chin. Liked how it scratched my lips when we kissed. I also liked that his facial hair was much redder than the hair atop his head, just like the hair leading to places lower and harder.

Speaking of harder, I grazed the growing bulge in his pants, raising my brows in question. He offered me he ever-cocky smirk. "You know what you do to me."

So, I kissed him again. Looped my fingers through his belt loops, melded my lower body to his. I hoped his parents weren't around, because even without doors, we were being totally indecent. I'd let him take me, wherever he pleased. I was his.

Alice was riding piggy-back on Jasper's back, and she yelled at us, "Get a room!" from across the yard. Emmett whistled appreciatively. Would I ever get used to this family? I hoped so.

Edward laughed. He tugged me by the wrist back inside the house. It was silent inside, no siblings or parents to be found. He glanced at the stupidly expensive watch on his wrist and smiled. "We still have twenty minutes until people start to arrive."

"What will we do with the other fifteen?" I quipped.

"Oh, ow. You wound me," he clutched his chest, but the smile stretched across his face was so big, I feared it would split his pretty face. Before I could respond, he grabbed me behind my knees, throwing me over his shoulder. I squealed in surprise before I burst into laughter. I uselessly beat against his back as he jogged up the stairs. He even had the nerve to smack my ass.

He kicked the door shut behind him and set me back on my feet. His hands found my hips, pulling our bodies back together. He locked his door, and I swallowed the butterflies in my throat. God, I loved him. Loved how carefree we could be, loved how he loved me. Loved the way he looked at me before his lips devoured mine.

Sex with Sage had never been like this. Had never given me butterflies, never made me feel like hiding away from the world to spend more time together. Sex with Edward was so much more. So much love, adoration, trust. So much of everything, I never wanted to give him back.

His hands fell to my ass, cupping my cheeks, squeezing as he lifted me. My legs wrapped around his waist, and we were falling, landing on his bed. Our foreheads knocked together, and I pulled my mouth away to laugh and rub at the sore spot. His lips trailed down my neck, across my clavicle, as his hands pushed my dress up.

His fingers gripped the edge of my panties, tugging them down gently. They caught on my shoe and he laughed as he kissed me. His fingers found me, hot and wet for him. He pushed a finger inside, thumb pressing gently against my clit. I whimpered, fisting his hair.

My free hand found the button of his pants, quickly undoing them and pulling the zipper down. I used my feet to push them down just below his ass and then did the same with his boxers. His erection sprang free, and I grasped it greedily, stroking. He thrust lazily into my palm, a moan falling from his lips.

"Please, oh please…" I begged. I arched my hips away from the bed, feeling the brush of his cock against my thigh.

"Christ, Bella." He withdrew his finger to grab a condom and roll it down his length. I crushed my lips to his, desperately grabbing him and pushing him inside me. I sat up, straddling him as he sat on his knees. I couldn't get any closer to him if I tried. Not unless I crawled inside him, or he consumed me.

We moved together so slowly at first. I dropped my head back as he kissed my neck, palmed my breast through the fabric of my dress. My fingers clawed at his back. I wished I had taken his shirt off. There were few things more beautiful than Edward completely naked. I loved to watch his stomach clench as he moved inside me.

"More," I pleaded. My voice was wanton and breathy, and I should have been embarrassed by the sounds he could pull from me, but I didn't know how. There was no embarrassment with Edward. Everything with him was so easy. So wonderful. I hoped that I would get to keep him forever. To take him now would just be cruel.

"Fuck, yes," he grunted. "You feel so good." I fell to my back again, and he covered my body with his. He held my head against his chest, and I bit at the exposed skin of his neck. He hissed, hips thrusting jerkily. He increased his pace; shorter, faster, harder strokes.

I cupped my breasts, rolled my taut nipples between my fingers. It sent shivers through me, erupted gooseflesh along my skin. I moved my hand lower, feeling through my soft curls how he moved inside me. I circled my clit, feeling my release so, so close.

"Come on, baby. Give it to me," he panted. He was pushing even faster, gritting his teeth to stave off his impending orgasm. His teeth grazed my earlobe, and when he bit down, I found my release.

I arched my back, grabbed roughly at the hair on the nape of his neck. "Oh, fuck. Edward…Edward…"

"Yes, Bella. Christ. God, yes, just like that." He stilled inside me, mouth going slack as he came. I kissed him, felt the way my walls contracted around him, asking him to stay inside. His tongue slipped inside my mouth as his thumb swiped moisture from beneath my eyes. I hadn't realized I had been crying. It was just so overwhelming how much I loved him.

How much it would hurt if he ever left me.

We cleaned up quickly, returning to the main floor as the first of the guests started to file in the front door. We stood near his siblings as we greeted everyone. Edward hugged people and shook hands, introduced me to his family and close friends. "This is Bella. My girlfriend."

The stupid silly grin he had on his face when he said 'girlfriend' made me believe he wouldn't leave. Not ever. Maybe I made him as happy as he made me. I certainly hoped I did. He deserved so much happiness. All of it.

Most people smiled kindly at me, few offered hugs for me as well. I was so nervous to meet his family. I wasn't sure I'd ever met so many of Sage's family, and we had dated far longer. Is that the difference between forced love and true love? With true love, there's no reason to hide, I supposed. Besides, if our future looked anything like I hoped it did…it was only a matter of time before I met them, anyway.

"Edward?"

The front door clicked shut, and I had to blink hard against the adjustment of light. Two adults moved past us, through the kitchen and out the door. The curly blonde behind them was familiar, and I struggled to think of where I had seen her before.

And when she threw her arms around him, pushing me roughly into Jasper's side, I knew.

It was the blonde from that picture. The one he had taken down from his wall when I pointed it out. The blonde he had had his lips on, forever captured in a still frame. The fuck buddy from Chicago.

"Tanya? Oh my God!" It was Rosalie who spoke, grabbing the blonde by her shoulders and pulling her in for a hug. Because they were friends. Edward scratched the back of his neck, cheeks looking rather pink. My jealousy spiked, drew her claws and was ready to grab her by the back of her bleached blonde hair. Because she knew what it was like to fuck him. Knew how he felt on the inside. I hated her just for that.

Fucking Tanya.

"While you were sleeping, I figured out everything
I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me
Now I feel your name coursing through my veins
You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame..."

Lullaby - The Spill Canvas

A/N: *waves* Hi guys! Hope you liked it. Sorry its been so heavy. At least I gave you a lemon, right? I hope Tanya isn't here to cause trouble. I think these kids deserve a break. Yeesh.

Review please!

KQL