Pairing: Eren/Mikasa
Setting: After Hanji's experiments in chapter 52; someday I'll get over they lived together in a small house, someday.
Rating: K+ (Light Language)
Words: 4084
Notes: A request from Ryvius who asked from Eren losing his eyesight temporarily after an experiment and Mikasa's face being the first thing he saw when his sight came back. I loved it because I don't think Eren understands how much people mean to him until they are almost gone. He takes things for granted too much, especially things about Mikasa. So I thought once he couldn't see her anymore, he'd miss every aspect of being able to see her and its precious. Title is from "Safe and Sound" byCapital Cities andTaylor Swift. If you haven't guessed yet, almost every title in this drabble set is a lyric from a song from the playlist I have for them :3
Just Close Your Eyes
It wasn't like Eren didn't want to help and it wasn't like he didn't know what he was getting himself into when he offered himself up to Hanji's experiments but dammit if he didn't feel like shit the next day. He groaned as his body started to wake up in his bed, feeling every sore and still burning muscle in his body. He didn't even remember getting to his bed; the last thing he did remember was still being in his shifter form and then everything was black. He opened his eyes but the room was still dark, it must be sometime in the night.
How long was he out for anyway? It was impossible to tell; sometimes it was a day sometimes it a few days. He rubbed his hands over his eyes trying to wake himself up or at least let his eyes adjust to the dark room. Eren wondered if they actually figured anything out this time. It was getting risky even being up in the mountains for as long as they were; they needed to make some progress soon.
Eren sat up in his bed to swing his legs over the side and try and find someone who might be awake; probably Mikasa, he woke up countless times to her being nearby. The sound of the door opening made him halt though because even with the door being opened, no light came into the room at all.
"Eren?" a voice spoke into the room. He didn't need to see her to know it was Mikasa, and it was a good thing he didn't need to because he couldn't even see her outline in the darkness.
He tried to squint to see if that would help, but still nothing. "Hey, Mikasa. Is it like in the dead of the night or did you guys shove me in a room with no windows or something. It's impossible to see anything in here."
He felt her hand on his arm telling him she was near but he couldn't see her, not even a sliver of her. His heart started to race as panic started to rise in his stomach. He couldn't see her at all, he couldn't see anything.
"Eren, it's okay. It's nothing to worry about." Her voice was soft and gentle, but he didn't buy it at all.
"What happened?"
Mikasa hesitated; he didn't need to see her to know that.
"Come on, out with it. If it's not that bad then just tell me."
"We think with all the experiments just wore your body out too much. Everything seemed to heal but…your eyes are having a hard time coming back. They already look better than yesterday so they're healing, Hanji just thinks it might take a bit longer."
Eren felt his stomach sink. He couldn't see anything? How was…how was he supposed to move? To train? They were in hiding for God's sake. They needed to move at the drop of a hat and here he couldn't even see his damn hand in front of his face.
"Eren?" Mikasa asked again, her voice wavering slightly.
He felt how tense his body was, his hands clenched into fists; she must have noticed. He sighed through his nose, feeling too frustrated to actually say anything.
"Hey, look whose awake," another voice said, entering the room. Eren knew it was Armin by the voice alone, which Eren supposed was handy since he couldn't see anything at all. "How're you feeling?"
Eren really didn't think he needed to answer that. It was silent for a moment before he felt the bed dip as he assumed Armin sat down. It was the strangest feeling; he knew Armin and Mikasa were sitting right there next to him and he knew their faces better than his own and yet he still couldn't see them at all. It hadn't even been a few minutes and he hated it; he hated everything about it.
"Hanji said it shouldn't take more than a few days maximum," Armin said clearly trying to help him feel better. "She calculated when you were regenerating this time so I'd say the time period she gave you would be accurate. She said it might even come back as soon as today."
A few days? A few days of not being able to see anything at all? Eren felt his jaw clench at the thought of it. She had to be wrong, it couldn't take that long. It's never taken that long before.
"Are you hungry at all? You've been out for a few days." Mikasa's hand was still on him, he felt her warm touch on his skin. She had to still be sitting near, looking at him with those eyes probably full of concern that one time would have annoyed him because she was babying him. Now he only felt a jab in the chest because he couldn't see those eyes.
He pulled his arm away from her. "No, I'm fine." He didn't want their pity, and he didn't want to be taken care of, again. If this was how it was gonna be he wanted to do it himself; he had put Armin and Mikasa through enough they didn't need to have a child to take care of again.
The room was quiet, but at the same time he felt like he heard everything. There was the sound of a bird outside a window maybe, someone talking outside the room though who he didn't know, the slight squeak of the bed as Armin must've adjusted his weight, and soft footsteps getting fainter as they left the room. The weight still sitting on the bed told Eren who had left. He tilted his head in what he assumed was the direction Mikasa had left, a sigh leaving his mouth.
"I know it can't be easy, but don't take it out on her. You know where that leads," Armin said. "She was worried about you."
"I don't want her to worry. I want to be able to take care of this myself so she doesn't have to worry about me."
Armin chuckled. "I'm sure she'd appreciate the sentiment, Eren, but I think she's always gonna worry about you whether you take care of yourself or not."
"Well, I'm gonna." Eren reached to the edge of the bed and swung his legs over, feeling the hard floor under his feet. It was more than bizarre feeling things he knew so well but not being able to actually see anything. He pushed himself up to his feet, wobbling slightly as he wasn't quite sure what was in front of him.
"Do you want any help?" Armin asked, though Eren had no idea if he was still sitting on the bed or not.
"No, I got it." He felt like a child trying to take a small step, hands out to make sure he didn't walk into the chair Mikasa was sitting on or any other furniture. He took a few steps without running into anything which gave him the confidence to take a larger step. Unfortunately that step made him stub his toe against the chair. He cursed falling forward some but he managed to catch his balance.
"You okay?" Armin asked; his voice was close telling Eren he was standing near him.
"Yeah, I got it." Eren wasn't really sure he had it but he wasn't gonna tell Armin that. He took a step away from where he knew the chair was; he didn't walk into anything which seemed like a good start. He knew from previous experience in the cabin the rooms weren't that big but he took a few normal steps in what he hoped was the direction of the door. Nothing bumped into his feet, his body, his hands though he felt a little silly walking with his hands more than his feet regardless he knew he was near the doorway to the room, he had to be.
"Eren?" Armin asked from behind him but Eren paid no mind. The room wasn't that big, he was almost there; if he could get out of this room, he could show he didn't need their help, not this time.
Eren felt a sharp pain shoot through his face as he collided with what he assumed was the wall. "Goddammit," he moaned reaching up to hold his throbbing nose and sore head.
So much for that. So much for stilling being himself while his useless regeneration took its sweet, sweet time. He was about to punch the damn wall when hands gently reached over his own hands, pulling them away from his face. He would have punched the person in the face if he hadn't recognized the touch right away.
"Come to tell me I was wrong," he grunted.
Mikasa didn't say anything though Eren could almost feel her eyes on him as he felt some blood dripping down his face from his nose. "Tilt your head back," she said as her hands reached down to his arm.
He did as he was told and let Mikasa lead him out of the room. He didn't have to hold his hands out or shuffle around with her; Eren knew even if she wanted to, Mikasa wouldn't knock him into anything. Granted, he wouldn't blame her if she did. She didn't lead him that far, adjusting his body so he felt a couch behind his legs. He sat down; his head rolling back against the couch as he reached a hand up prevent any blood from dripping on the couch. God knows he had enough problems without Levi hassling him about getting blood on the couch.
"I'll be right back," Mikasa said, her footsteps taking her away from him.
"Thanks for not laughing," Eren called out, knowing Armin must've followed them out of the room.
"I don't like seeing you so frustrated." Armin's voice was nearby, maybe on one of the chairs by the couch. "If it helps you were close to the door."
Eren snorted but it only caused more blood to drip into his hands. He was trying to ignore the throbbing in his head, in his nose but it was hard to especially when he felt so much shame. How could he ever handle this on his own when he couldn't even walk out of a damn room alone?
"Here." Mikasa's voice was close again, her hands pulling his away from his face.
Eren felt a wet cloth brush against his face, wiping the blood away, before she put a rag wrapped around ice in his hand. He brought it to his head as she tried to clean the blood off his hand as well. "Thanks," he muttered. He heard her walking away from him but that was really it. The voices that were out here before were gone, or were at least not saying anything; he really couldn't tell. He hoped no one else had been out here to see him humiliate himself, especially his team who never seemed to forget anything.
"Where is everyone?" he asked.
"Connie, Sasha, Jean, and Historia are out back training with Levi and Hanji I believe." Armin said. "Hanji and Levi were in earlier to check up on you but when your eyes still didn't seem like they came back they decided to get on with their day."
"And he let you two stay?"
Armin sounded like he laughed lightly. "Yeah, I guess Levi decided it wasn't worth fighting Mikasa on."
Yeah, that sounded like Mikasa.
"You seem to be adjusting okay at least."
"I walked into a wall. I wouldn't call that adjusting."
Armin probably rolled his eyes, Eren couldn't tell but he knew Armin well enough. "I meant in regards to what's around you. You didn't jump at all when me or Mikasa called to you or when she touched your face without you even knowing she was there. I'm pretty sure that alone would make some people lash out."
Eren shrugged. "Yeah, but it was Mikasa. I knew it was he and I know what you two sound like." He didn't even really have to think about it. Armin and Mikasa had been with him for so long now it would be weird if they weren't around him even when he couldn't see them.
The couch shifted next to Eren which he could only assume was Mikasa sitting down near him. He was trying to get used to listening since he couldn't actually see the people around him but it was infuriating. All he wanted to do was turn his head like he always could and see Armin's bright eyes or Mikasa's face watching him carefully. He sighed as he shifted the ice on his face.
"Is it feeling better? The swelling looks like it's going down." Mikasa said as Eren could feel a light touch of her fingers on his face.
"Yeah, it's fine," he muttered; the last thing he wanted to think about was the self-inflicted wound on his face from walking into a wall. Maybe he should just go back to sleep, at least then he was used to not seeing anything.
"It's not permanent, Eren," Armin said; he must have read the look on Eren's face. "It's just for a few days at most."
Eren opened his mouth to say a few days was bad enough but another voice cut him off.
"Hey, guys!" Sasha called from somewhere behind him; they were outside so maybe from the back door. "Levi says stop being lazy asses and get outside."
So much for a day off. He dropped the ice on the couch, not needing any other excuse for people to ask what happened, and pushed himself up to his feet. It was only when he was standing that he realized he had no idea which way to go. He knew he had to get behind him, but the path was completely lost. Eren nearly just tossed himself back in the chair in frustration, but he felt Mikasa tug on his arm. With a sigh, he let her lead him out from around the couch and out the back door. The only reason he knew he made it outside was because he smelled the fresh air as it blew against his face.
"Springer, stop waving. He can't see you and you look like a moron." Levi's voice was a little bit farther away, somewhere out in the yard. "Arlert, you can see and you don't need to be attached to Jaeger's hip at all times so get out here."
Eren heard Armin sigh and felt a hand press on his shoulder before he assumed Armin walked off to where the others were. Mikasa tugged lightly on his arm getting him to follow her; he wasn't entirely sure where she was bringing him but when she stopped he couldn't feel the hot sun on his skin anymore.
Mikasa let go of his arm. "Go ahead and sit down, its safe," she said. "We're just under the tree by the cabin."
He sat down feeling the grass underneath his hands and Mikasa's leg brushing by his telling him she was close. He picked at the grass with his hands, trying not to feel frustration rise in him. He wanted to be out there, doing something. He was already out for days and now he was sitting here yet again feeling useless. The wind blew around him as Levi called out drills in the background; he almost saw them all doing the motions Levi was barking. Almost. Well, he was sitting here and not slaving his ass away so maybe it wasn't too bad.
"Remember when we used to slack off under the tree in the field back home?" Mikasa asked, her voice close but soft.
Eren turned his head towards her voice, even though he couldn't see her; it was a habit he guessed. "You mean where you caught me slacking off."
She laughed and it sent a jolt in Eren's chest. He knew how she looked when she laughed, the way her small smile pulled at her lips, the way her eyes gleamed a little bit, the red that would color his cheeks. It didn't happen all that often anymore and even though he couldn't see her doing it, he still felt a smile pulling his lips. "It was the heat of the day and the shade. What kid could resist it?"
"Especially one who didn't want to do work to begin with."
Eren laughed lightly, leaning back to test to see if he had sat himself near the tree; lucky for him his back hit the thick trunk to prop himself up on. It seemed like a another time, another world when he had the leisure to fall asleep under a tree without worrying if he was going to survive through the next day or not. It was another time essentially; one long before he found himself tangled up in all the shit this world had to offer.
"Armin used to read to us under that tree too," Mikasa said; though her voice was a little lower than before.
"And we'd pretend the creek nearby was the ocean, the field being the world we could explore and find new things."
"Until you stepped on a bee's nest and your mom banned us from wandering too far away in the fields."
Eren snorted. "How was I supposed to know what a bees nest on the ground looked like." He felt Mikasa laugh next to him, but he couldn't hear her make any noise. "Mikasa?" he asked but there was still no answer. He turned his head in the direction he knew she was; her leg was still against his, she had to still be there. "Hey, what's wron-"
Her head rolled against his shoulder and he felt her steady breath against his neck. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding; she just fell asleep. She was probably up all night worrying over him again. It was strange. He knew she was there, he felt her next to him, but not being able to see her, not being able to see her next to him he just…he didn't like it.
Mikasa never left his side; she was always that way. He knew she was there, but it was unnerving not to see her there. It just…he just didn't like it.
Eren felt a yawn pull at his lips, the hot sun already giving him the same feelings he got when he was slacking off. Levi was still shouting in the distance but it was getting farther away. His head leaned against Mikasa's as the heat of the day got to him, drifting him into a world that he could see at least.
It wasn't until a cool breeze blew against him, sending goose bumps over his skin that he slowly came back to darkness. He reached up to rub his eyes as he pulled his head up, his neck feeling stiff.
"Not sure if its night time or if I still just can't see," he grumbled to no one in particular, though he still felt Mikasa's head on his shoulder telling him she was still there.
"Unfortunately, it's not quite night yet."
Eren could feel her lift her head off his shoulder and stretch her arms over her head. He didn't really hear anything else off in the distance, suggesting everyone else was done with training and went back inside. "How long's it been?"
"A few hours maybe," Mikasa said. "The sun is setting now. They'll probably call us in for dinner soon I'm sure."
He reached back up to rub his eyes again; there was an itch that almost seemed behind his eyes that wouldn't go away. "That will be interesting," Eren snorted. "Hopefully I can remember where my mouth is in relation to my hands and not jab myself with a fork. That's all I need."
"I can bring you food to eat in your room if you'd like."
"I appreciate it but I think that'd cause even more ridicule." He tried to rub at his eyes harder but the itch was still there. He almost felt like digging his fingers back there just to get it to stop.
"No one's gonna ridicule you. It's not like you can help it."
He was gonna tell her he doubted some people saw it like that but a small bit of light started to lighten the darkness he had been getting used to. He rubbed his eyes again before trying to look once more, this time seeing the very blurry, to the point he could barely tell what he was looking at, yard in front of him. He blinked a few times, hoping it wasn't just a trick of the light; each time he opened his eyes, he could see a bush better, the tree across from him, the cabin, the mountains. Eren snapped his head over to Mikasa to tell her he could actually see things again but the words wouldn't come the moment he saw her.
She looked exactly like he remembered her looking like since it really only was only a few days since he hadn't seen her. Her short black hair was blowing lightly in the wind, the setting sun reflecting against her pale skin, her dark eyes looking off into the distance somewhere. It nearly took his breath away. After all the time they had been together, how did he never notice how beautiful she was?
He felt a sense of peace settle over him; it was nice to be able to see again but it was nice to be able just to see her again, to be able to know without a doubt it was her there next to him.
Mikasa turned to meet his eyes and he watched her forehead furrow. "Is something the matter?"
Eren shook his head. "No, was just thinking."
"About what?" she asked but her eyes didn't leave his face. She didn't look worried anymore and Eren assumed by the way she was watching him that she didn't think he could see her either. There was something in her eyes that he had never noticed before, and maybe it was always there but he never just stopped and really looked at her to see it. There was a warmth in the way her eyes kept on his face, a sense of peace in her, a sense of adoration he didn't think anyone would ever look at him of all people with, but she did. It made his breath catch in his throat.
"About why you're staring at me." He watched the realization hit her face as red started to tint her cheeks. God, he didn't even know how much he missed her expressions until they had been gone from him.
"You asshole," she muttered, though the smile pulling at her lips told him she thought otherwise. It still didn't stop her from reaching out to try and hit him on the shoulder.
Eren grabbed a hold of her hand before she could though. She glanced at him, looking too relieved to be angry with him for long, as he carefully held her hand in his. "You know, I never tell you enough but thank you for taking care of me again."
Mikasa looked like she didn't know what to say to him, red heating up her cheeks again. "You don't have to thank me for that."
Maybe it was just because it felt like ages since they had a moment of peace together like this, or maybe coming close to losing things made you value them a little more, but Eren just wanted to pull her close to him, and never let her out of his sight again.
"Hey, you two!" Armin's voice called from the back door. "Dinner's ready!"
Eren nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice as he glanced over to Armin. He didn't say anything else, though he did have that look on his face, that smug one that not many people knew he had. Eren looked back over to Mikasa, who had her eyes down on her hand that Eren was still holding. He pulled his hand away, but not without a small smile when she looked up at him. "Want to help me back inside?"
Mikasa arched an eyebrow. "Why, you can see just fine now."
"Yeah but they don't know that."