She should have known that something was wrong, Alice thought. She truly should have. And maybe she did. Still, the truth was much more shocking than what she'd initially anticipated.

Maybe she'd known it back on the island the moment Juliet had told her that she wasn't pregnant. How could she not get pregnant there if even Sun's previously infertile husband managed to make a baby? Back then the odds had been definitely in Alice's favor. Yet, nothing happened. Still, it could've. It could have.

She kind of suspected already that she would never be able to start a family with Jack and it turned out that it wasn't even her fault.

Months were flying as and they were trying for a baby. She wasn't pushy or obsessed with having sex all the time just to get pregnant. They simply didn't use any birth control and decided to wait and see what would happen. Only nothing happened, so at some point Alice decided to get tested. She didn't tell Jack just yet. First she just needed to know for herself, although deep down inside she seemed to already.

Yet, she was shocked when the doctor told her she was completely healthy and very fertile. In fact, she should have no problems getting pregnant whatsoever and if she hadn't after such a long period of time, the specialist told her to get her husband to examine himself since the problem probably lay with him.

She was just sitting there in her doctor's office, hearing what he was saying but not really listening. He told her that even if her husband proved to be infertile like it was already suspected, there were other methods. And she was sure they were. If it turned out Jack couldn't be helped, they could adopt. They could use a surrogate… they could…

Only none of it seemed to matter since Alice was pretty sure she knew exactly what Jack's reaction would be.

She couldn't focus on anything once she got back home, so eventually she just settled on sitting down and waiting for Jack. An hour passed by… then another… eventually she cracked open a bottle of wine and sipped the liquor slowly, waiting for her husband to come back home, waiting to relay the bad news. She was scared and she knew she had the grounds to be. The truth was that they both with Jack had been lying to themselves and each other for a very long time now. He claimed he was ready to become a father, yet she could tell it was just something he decided to do for her alone. She knew deep down inside that he didn't really want a child. Soon enough, every time they had sex she could feel something changing. It should bring them closer, yet they seemed to be drifting apart and the only thing that kept Alice sane, the only thing that kept on the charade was the hope that she might soon get pregnant and then she was sure everything would change.

Now that seemed to be out of the question.

She almost jumped, startled as the key rattled in the lock and Jack entered the apartment. She'd been so immersed into her own thoughts that she even forgot she was waiting for him.

"Hi," he said, clearly not noticing the state she was in just yet. It wasn't until he walked into the living room and saw her expression that he finally asked, "Is there something wrong?"

She just put the glass she was holding in her hand on the table and faced him, opening her mouth and spilling everything. She didn't hide a thing when she relay all the information to him, including the advice the doctor had given her that Jack should get tested as soon as possible.

When she finished, there was silence and Jack was sitting by her side, reaching for the glass she put away and drinking the rest of the wine from there in one gulp.

He hid it well. Almost too well. But she still noticed.

"Alice, that's nothing," he finally said when looking at her. "We'll be just fine."

"We'll be just fine?" she repeated after him like a parrot. "Is that really all you have to say to me?" she couldn't possibly play this game any longer. She couldn't pretend that everything was all right when it clearly wasn't. "Jack, this is our future we're talking about here. We should discuss this and make a decision."

"We already have a future, Alice," he said in a tone that was a little patronizing and she hated that. "We've always had one. It will just change now."

He reached for her, but she moved away from him. She just couldn't believe him. Was this really the same man she'd fallen in love with on the island? The man who saved her life? Prevented her own suicide? Why couldn't he just give her the one thing that she wanted so badly? It wasn't as though she was asking for the moon! And it wasn't even what he said that was the worst. She could actually explain it by him being in a slight shock. She knew it might take a while for him to fully accept that there was something wrong with him and finally find a way to fix it. No, it wasn't that. The worst was the look on his face the moment she said that they might never conceive a child, but they couldn't know for sure until his examination. That one look destroyed everything for her and put them miles apart in an instant.

It was relief.

It was hope.

"So… you're not even going to get tested?" she asked in a voice that didn't even sound like hers.

"Alice…"

"No, I can't." She pushed him away when instead of answering her and telling her what she wanted to hear so desperately, he moved closer, trying to put his arms around her again.

It didn't work this time as well and she was soon on her feet, grabbing her coat and reaching the door.

"Alice, don't be like this. Where are you even going?"

"To see a friend," she said spitefully, really needing someone else than Jack to talk to.

"Last time I checked he didn't make it out of the island," he had the audacity to point out and Alice whirled around, not able to believe the hatred he managed to fit into that sentence.

"Are you even serious right now?!" she snapped.

"I'm dead serious. I know that you would've jumped from that chopper after him if I hadn't stopped you!" he screamed at her when standing up and facing her.

"How dare you?! I was trying to be the supportive and patient wife here, but you're just not making it easy on me, are you?! I pretended you were enough, Jack, but the truth is that you're not! There! I said it! I want a child! I do! My whole family died and I just need this! Why don't you just get tested and then we can breech the subject again?!"

"You already have family! ME!" he roared when spreading his arms, his chest raising and falling rapidly.

"Jack."

"I'm the one who saved your life over and over again!" he kept on yelling. "I'm the one who got you out of the island! I'm the one who saved you! I'm the one who's here!"

"No, right now you're not," she finally spoke, this time her voice coming back to normal as though she was already tired of fighting him. "You're not and don't you dare holding you saving me against me. I never asked you to. That was your decision, Jack, yours and no one else's." After having said that, she turned around and walked out the door.

It seemed like she'd been wandering the streets for hours. She didn't know what to do and who to talk to. She wasn't sure she wanted to try and talk to Jack just yet, if ever, so somehow she ended up at Kate's. She really needed to talk to a friend and Jack was right - the first person she thought of was actually James, but that just wasn't possible as he was still on the island. She'd abandoned him like all the others and it only added up to the pain she felt in her heart. There were days she missed him so much she couldn't breathe. Of course it wasn't like she was going to tell that to Jack, knowing full well how he would react – or much likely overreact.

"Alice? What happened?" Kate asked once she opened the door and just then Alice realized she was crying. "Did something happen to Jack?"

Alice shook her head as she stepped into her friend's house.

"Then what is it? Talk to me."

Alice walked into Kate's living room and just sat there on the couch.

"Where's Aaron?" she asked first.

"I put him to sleep. Alice, talk to me, please. You're scaring me," Kate pleaded when squatting right next to her friend and looking up at her.

That was the moment Alice actually realized it was really late. Jack would soon start to worry about her, but she didn't care enough to retrieve her phone from her purse and switch it from vibrations to a loud mode. He deserved to suffer for everything he'd said to her.

"I think I knew something was wrong ever since it didn't happen for me on the island," Alice finally started to explain, but needless to say, Kate still didn't understand a thing. "I just thought it was me. How silly of us, women, hah?" She nearly laughed. "We always think a problem, whatever it is, lies with us when in fact…"

"What are you…?" Kate tried asking again when sitting next to her friend.

"I never got pregnant on the island and I should have," Alice finally cleared it out.

"But it doesn't mean anything." Kate shrugged.

"The probabilities don't matter here anymore, Kate. I went to see my doctor. I'm perfectly healthy and he suspects that Jack may not be able to have kids."

"Oh," Kate said, "but I'm sure Jack will be fine," she then added, trying to make Alice feel better. "And you have Aaron and you can always adopt. There are a million ways to get a child these days, Alice. You shouldn't get discouraged just because…"

"Oh, sure, Jack will be fine," Alice admitted with a nod. "He never wanted a kid anyway."

"Alice…"

"It's true. He thought he was ready, but once he heard the truth… The relief on his face was awful, Kate, just awful and I'm not sure I can do this with him if he stays this way."

"Alice," Kate's voice hardened now and she looked her friend in the eye, "not being able to conceive a baby isn't the end of the world. You and Jack survived the island where you could easily die. We managed to get out and that all that matters. The rest doesn't. Not really. You will figure everything out, I'm sure of it. Just give him some time."

"You're not helping, you know," Alice said, not at all comforted by Kate's words. "I just…" she sighed. "I know marriage is supposed to be about compromise, but…" she shook her head and then tears glistered in her eyes, "I have this need to become a mother. I lost my entire family and before that…" she smiled through the tears when she remembered how it'd used to be for her, "we were all so happy and we liked to spend time together. I know this sound crazy and you probably think that we were one crazy family, but it's true. I miss them every single day of my life and I miss all the people we left behind as they quickly became a family to me, too. I miss Sawyer and Claire and God, even John! I just… the only thing that kept me sane, that prevented me from losing my mind when I knew they were all out there somewhere and on the contrary to my parents and my sister, they weren't dead and maybe suffering…" Alice closed her eyes and sniffed, "it was the hope that I may be able to bring a new human being into this world and give them all the love I have. Jack… Jack isn't enough." Alice was sobbing by now as the realization hit her. Jack was not enough to make her happy even though she loved him and he'd saved her.

"I understand that you wanted to have kids because all the family you have is Jack, but I am your family, too," Kate told then as she truly didn't know what else to say. "And Aaron," she added.

"Thank you," Alice just said and hugged the woman, needing a physical contact with someone, needing comfort, but in the same time she didn't want it from her husband. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better, but it's still not enough, Kate and I know I should hate myself for even saying it."

"No, it's ok," Kate assured her when stroking her back. "I understand. Before Aaron…" she sighed when pulling away, "I never knew how amazing being a mother could be. I wouldn't change a thing. I love this little boy as my own and it's killing me that he has a grandmother that doesn't even know he exists."

"Maybe you should just tell her," Alice blurted out, suddenly feeling tired of everything. Tired of secrets, of lying, of not even trying to help those left behind on the island. For the first time she actually thought that maybe Hugo was the one who was right. Maybe they shouldn't have lied. Maybe they should've tried to find the island again and help those left behind.

Alice found it hard to believe that so much could change over one day, over one issue. Or maybe there were more issues as Jack himself had stated the other night and she just hadn't realized he felt that way. Not that she was ready to put his mind to rest. He didn't deserve that after everything he'd done and said. Nevertheless, the truth was that things between them had been slowly changing for a while now and it just now started to show, to create this breech between them. She was worried as they just couldn't seem to talk. Once she got back home from Kate's, she found a nearly empty bottle of whisky and Jack asleep on the couch just where she'd left him. It stung that he hadn't even tried to look for her and instead taken to drinking in order to deal with the situation. Then again, she might be able to make her peace with that if only he drunk himself into a stupor because it seemed like his body didn't work right, as the problem of them not being able to conceive was his fault. But she wouldn't fool herself like that. He was drinking for an entirely different reason and then the next day he refused to even talk to her about it when just getting up, taking a shower and leaving for the hospital. Was that how their marriage was supposed to look like from now on? She wondered, marveling at how drastically things could change. Once they'd been out of the island, they'd been so in love, so happy to be back in LA, back to their lives. Only had they, really? Or maybe they'd been living in a bubble, walking in a dream, tying to deal as best as they could with the new reality? Trying to find distractions that would prevent them from feeling too guilty about leaving their friends behind?

Just when Alice thought it couldn't get any worse as the silent treatment Jack had been giving her – or maybe they'd been giving it to each other – continued, she found an empty box of pills that Jack must've taken and she got scared. Why would he be in a need of them anyway? He came back home later than usual and she knew he'd put on extra hours at the hospital as there was always a new emergency. The news about Sayid's wife's death and Hugo refusing anyone who wanted to visit were bad as well. It seemed like even though they were back, they couldn't find happiness no matter how hard they tried.

For Jack it was about much more than just a child he didn't want and wasn't even able to conceive. It was everything that had been happening recently. He seemed to be getting further away from his wife, but it wasn't because he wanted to. He worked longer hours to forget, to not be afraid, to repel all the feelings and dreams and visions he seemed to be having. But yes, a child - or rather its lack - and the relief he felt and hated himself for more than anything, was also a part of it. How were they supposed to have a kid now anyway? He was a mess. The truth that he didn't want to burden Alice with, was that he wasn't all right. He didn't want her to see that. He wanted her to think he was ok. She'd lost and worried too much already just to have to be worried about one more thing – his mental health. Because how could he be healthy? How if he kept on seeing his dead father everywhere he went? He couldn't sleep, needing drugs for that. He was being haunted by visions of Claire calling him brother and asking where her baby was.

To everyone else, he was fine, maybe just a little bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened in his private life recently – at least he wanted Alice to think so. Inside, he was a crumbling mess.

He just couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that he'd so carelessly left his own sister on the island. He couldn't know who she really was at the time, but still, he left all of them there. He was the one to tell the rest they should lie. It was all his fault. Maybe he should have listened to Hurley. Maybe then his conscience wouldn't lay on him so heavily.

Right now he was talking to the only person he thought could understand him as she was actually raising Aaron, his nephew by pretending to be his mother. It never occurred to him that maybe he should tell his wife everything. He wanted to shield her from it, to protect her, because no matter how hard he tried to believe her that she was all right and strong, all he saw when looking at her was this vulnerable woman who'd come so close to killing herself on the island. It was the woman he'd inexplicably wanted from the moment he'd laid his eyes on her before he even knew who she was and he couldn't possibly let her die, wanting her so badly, needing her in his life and needing her light even though it'd been deemed at that darkest moment of her life. Somehow Alice made everything seem brighter and better with just her presence and attitude.

So why the hell was he just kissing Kate? He wondered, both drunk and high on pills he'd never stopped taking. Why the hell didn't he stop himself when she kissed him back? Why did he want her? Why?

Why? He asked himself one last time when somehow they lost all of their clothes and he slid inside her, not even bothered by using a condom since he couldn't have children anyway. It was something he'd actually tested, but never told Alice.

Alice could feel it even without the gift she'd had back on the island. The end of the blissful life she'd been having with Jack was coming to an end. In fact, it'd been happening over the last few months. She didn't know how they even got here. How could they just lose their communication like this. Ever since she found that empty pill bottle, she kept on noticing the little things she'd somehow missed before - the circles under Jack's eyes, the sleepless nights, his unsteady pace, him fidgeting in bed during the nights and then him not being there at all. And tonight the hospital called, asking for Mrs. Shephard and making sure everything was all right with her husband, telling her that maybe he needed help. It wasn't pleasant for Alice to be on the receiving end of this conversation. She actually felt ashamed that Jack's coworkers got as far as calling her. This changed everything. She was no longer hiding, no longer avoiding the subject. She was going to confront Jack tonight.

Once he got back home, he seemed even more out of it than ever before or maybe Alice had just been so blind that she hadn't noticed. Maybe she didn't want to. All the ifs and maybes were killing her. She barely asked what was happening, what was wrong, why he was so distant, why he looked so haunted and she met with denial. Of course he would deny it all. Of course he would say it was nothing and that he was fine. He was too proud to admit anything else, she knew him too well. Or maybe not well enough.

"Jack, if you didn't want kids, you should've just said something," she finally told him when sighing deeply, tired of them arguing over nothing. Tired of not getting any answers. "Maybe if you start talking to me about what's going on with you, we might still save us?"

"Save us? Alice, can't you see…?" he stopped for a moment, tears welling up in his eyes. It was also the first time she noticed his whole body slightly shaking, his hands shaking. "There's no saving for us. There never really was," he said and she shot him a surprised look. Was he talking about them? Together? In a relationship? Was he really giving up?

"Wait… What… What are you saying?" she asked carefully, putting her hands in front of her body as though she was trying to shield herself, but there was no shielding from the blow that went straight to her heart with his next words. Nothing could ever shield her from that.

"I'm a mess. And yes, I was relieved when you told me I might not be able to have kids. Is this what you wanted to hear?!" he raised his voice. "Did you really want to hear that I was happy that we couldn't have a baby?! That I was relieved because I wouldn't become my father and through that I kind of became just that?! And then…" He just shook his head. "Then it all went to hell."

"Jack, I don't…" She had to wipe the tears from her face. "I don't understand. Please, help me understand what happened then."

He just shook his head in response, remaining silent, not wanting to burden her with his problems, not wanting her to think he was going crazy and refusing to break her heart with the whole truth about what he'd done.

"Jack, I am sure that no matter what, you'd be an amazing father," she tried a different approach.

"Stop!" he screamed and she actually did, for the first time terrified of the strength of his voice. "Just stop!" he pleaded her, now crying as well, but his tone was still high.

And then… then he did something that broke Alice's heart into million pieces. He just turned around and left, slamming the door behind him. For a moment she thought he'd come back in the morning once he'd cool off, but somehow, deep down inside it felt final. It felt… unsalvageable. Like they were really over.

Were they…?

He didn't come home the next day. And the next. And the next. And the one after that, too.

She tried calling and texting, but never received any answer.

She missed him. Without him, she had no one. She thought that maybe she could help him just as he'd once helped her. She wanted to do just that, but it was all for nothing if he didn't want to be helped.

After a week, she stopped trying reaching her hand out to him. She'd cried enough and she decided not to cry anymore. She would not be so eager to forgive once he came back around either. It would take a lot of time and work from his side. Only… was he ever going to come back? Then again, why wouldn't he? Even though they were married now, so whatever was his was hers and vice verse, the apartment had been his even before. Why would he want to just give it up?

Alice really needed to talk to someone and she thought of James again. She'd been in denial all this time. She'd kept on pushing the thoughts of those left behind away, but the truth was that once she let it all in, once she let go of all the happiness – or maybe distraction, her evil mind provided - with Jack that she'd been holding on to maybe a little too much, she felt terribly lonely and guilty. She was worried about James and the rest. She was worried about Claire. For the first time since she'd gotten out, she actually wished for her gift to come back so she could know if the people she loved were all right, including Jack and maybe even Kate. Once Alice thought of Sawyer, she usually called Kate and talked to her instead, but recently the woman had been busy and kind of out of everything, acting strange and avoiding any meetings. Because of that, Alice was left completely alone. Calling Jack's mother wouldn't feel right as well as she didn't want to worry the woman. Jack had already divorced once, so Mrs. Shephard didn't need to think he was going to do it again.

It was exactly at this vulnerable for Alice time that she opened the door for no one else but John Locke.

When she saw him, for a moment she just stood there, not believing her own eyes. Was this really John? If so, what happened? How had he even gotten out of the island?!

"John?" Her voice finally returned. "Oh my God! John! What are you doing here?!" she asked, a million questions popping up in her head at once.

"Hello, Alice," he said politely and just smiled. "May I come in?"

"Of course. Of course," she said and opened the door wider for him.

"Please, refer to me as Jeremy Bentham from now on. No one can know I'm here."

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked and once she provided the glass of water he wanted, she sat down with him in the living room and asked what she was dying to know, "So… John…"

"They're fine," he answered before she even formed the question. "At least they were… moderately fine when I left."

"Did James…?"

"He swam back to the island. He's alive."

"Thank God!" Alice breathed out in relief. "And he's still on the island?" she made sure.

"They are all still on the island, Alice and they need our help."

She frowned when she heard that.

"What do you mean they need our help?"

"I made my way back for one reason only and that is to get you all back to there."

For a moment she thought he was joking, but then when he didn't say anything else and his face remained dead serious, Alice felt a shiver running down her spine. Her initial reaction was denial. She didn't want to come back to that hellhole, but then she thought that she'd already wished she could've helped those left behind, so maybe this was how.

"Who's coming back with you so far?" was all she asked.

"For now?" John only sighed which pretty much told her everything.

"Can you really blame them, John? No one wants to get back to the island… Can't we…?" she hesitated. "Can't we just help them from afar? We could get them back here and get them new identities and…" she started eagerly.

"That's not how this works, Alice," John simply said. "And Jack already forbid me to see you."

"You talked to Jack?" that piqued her interest.

"Yes. And he is a mess. I told him he can find his purpose again. All he needs to do is come back there. All of you need to do that."

"Don't you dare!" Alice raised her voice and actually stood up, towering over John's still sitting figure. She felt so terribly torn between helping Jack and actually taking a leap of faith and going back to the island. Only that wouldn't help her husband, would it? Giving him something else to fix would be just like an actual fix for a drug addict. "Don't you dare talking Jack into doing it! Do you understand me?! I'm already struggling to help him and getting him back to the island will only make things worse!"

"Alice, calm down…" John said and also stood up, raising his hands up as though he was surrendering. "I'm just trying…"

"You're not trying to do shit!" she screamed, surprising even herself. That sentence was more in James's style than hers. Well, she really missed him like hell. "Why don't you just tell me how they really are? How have they been all this time on the island?!"

"Come back with me and you'll find out."

Alice actually laughed right into John's face.

"I would like for you to leave this apartment, John." She was too rattled to listen to him, too torn between doing what was right and what she wanted. The problem was that she wasn't sure which was which. Was doing the right thing staying behind and helping Jack or going to the island? And speaking of what she wanted…

"You'll understand it one day and then it'll be too late. Your friends will already be dead," Locke tried one more time as he moved to the door.

His hand was on the knob and he was almost leaving when Alice remembered something. Who else was better to answer her questions than him anyway?

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Of course," he agreed. She felt bad that he was so nice and she didn't return the favor, but then again, first she needed to calm down. She needed time alone to think. Then she would get back in touch. If she wanted to, that was.

"John, if the island heals… why didn't it heal Jack?"

"What do you mean, Alice?" he asked. "Was he sick?"

"He can't… He can't have kids," she confessed. She wasn't sure she was doing the right think in relaying that information to John, but she really needed to know. "So why… why couldn't I get pregnant on the island? Sun and Jin did."

John thought for a moment and then he simply said, "Maybe the island had bigger plans for you, Alice. Maybe it didn't want you to get pregnant because all the women there die."

"And that's your answer, John? That's nothing."

"I don't know everything. I really wish you all the best, Alice. I wish I was wrong, too, but unfortunately for all of you, you need to get back and I think you will sooner or later." After that he left and Alice was just left immersed into her troubling thoughts.

That's nothing, Alice thought over those words over and over again. It was the last thing she'd ever said to him. The last thing she'd ever say. Because this morning she read an obituary in the paper. An obituary for Jeremy Bentham. John was dead. Did he really think that it would take death for them all to come back? Alice wondered whether there was another reason to his suicide. Did he lose his will to live? Had everybody said no? She was pretty sure that it was the case. Still, for now she had worse problems, her decision about going or staying would have to wait if that was even an option now that Locke was gone. Jack's mother called her today and asked about her son. Apparently, he had been seen drunk in the pharmacy where Mrs. Shephard's friend worked and she informed that not only Jack was drunk, but he was also trying to get highly addictive pills with a prescription he'd written himself. Alice's mother-in-law was worried and Alice was just terrified and felt lost, because it seemed as though her worst fears were coming true. She'd been afraid before that eventually Jack would pick up after his father and he was still drinking and taking drugs. She didn't like his newly-developed destructive behavior and didn't know how to help him.

Jack was standing on the bridge, looking down and wondering how it would be like to just jump. It was as though he needed a catastrophe, even one in which he would lose his life. He kept on flying commercial airlines to Sydney and then coming back, hoping one of those planes would crash. It'd all happened long before Locke paid him a visit, but somehow it got worse after that. This morning he read Bentham's obituary and felt so helpless. He'd used to be the hero, he'd used to fix things and now he seemed to break them. When standing on that bridge, he was thinking of Alice and of their broken relationship. He screwed up too much, he knew it. She'd been getting further and further away from him with every day he didn't talk to her and instead just kept coming back to Kate. And now… now it was just too late. He could feel it.

He decided to jump. He would just throw himself down when thinking of her and their happy moments. He already raised one leg, standing only on the other one when he heard a crash and then screaming,

Apparently, his suicide would have to wait. He needed to help the people in that car.

Alice thought nothing worse could happen that day, but there it was. She received a call from the hospital, saying that her husband was in a car accident. They didn't give her any details, didn't tell her that he wasn't in the car, that he wasn't injured.

She didn't think about it. She just drove to the hospital and ran to the room in which Jack was supposed to be in. The nurse already notified her that her husband was actually the hero and they only had to take care of the cut on his forehead that he'd gotten when taking a woman out of the burning car. A car which could've blown up any second, Alice thought and shivered.

"Jack!" she called his name when she pushed the door open. She forgot that they hadn't been speaking for a very long time and that she was the one who tried to contact him and not the other way around. She realized all of that once she saw him sitting on the cot. She was actually scared because he looked like a wreck of the man she'd used to love. He had a beard and the circles under his bloodshot eyes had only grown bigger and somehow he seemed out of it as though he never stopped being on drugs or drunk. "Jack… why didn't you want to talk to me? They only called me because I'm your emergency contact."

"I… I guess I didn't want you to see me like this. I wanted to get better… on my own," he mumbled and she barely understood him.

"You need help, Jack, the kind of that you can't possibly provide for yourself."

"I'm a doctor!" he raised his voice, which only proved to her how derailed he actually was.

"Really? Because they told me they forced you to go on a leave. They actually threatened to take your license, Jack!"

He didn't react, didn't even look her in the eye, ashamed that she saw him in this condition. Good, she thought with satisfaction. Good, maybe that would force him to do something with himself, to seek help. Only she wasn't the person who could do that for him anymore. Maybe if he'd reached out to her before, but not now. Now he needed a specialist.

She directed herself to the door because she had her pride. She would not beg him to talk to her, she would not ask him to seek help one more time. He'd hurt her and he hadn't called or come back home all this time. She was done chasing after him because soon enough she'd lose all her self-respect. She would not chase after a man like this, she thought with tears welling up in her eyes, realizing that she didn't even know him anymore.

As she turned to the door, she said one more thing, "Please, do not become your father. Don't become the one thing you always despised. It really breaks my heart, Jack." Then she simply left.

She held on as she walked through the hall. She held on when she took the elevator down and as she left the hospital. It was only when she got to her car and locked herself safely inside that she burst out crying, feeling her heart breaking once again. Maybe this time Jack simply shattered it.

Before Jack left the hospital, he wanted to check on the woman he'd saved and was stopped by another doctor, a much younger one, which he noticed with despise. That rookie had the audacity to tell him that the woman was not Jack's patient. Jack shouldn't even be in this hospital, at least not as a doctor.

"No, no!" Jack protested violently. "She is my patient and I want to operate!" After he said that, he actually staggered, which only made him feel worse and more ashamed.

That was when the rookie told him, "Doctor Shephard… what were you even doing on that bridge? The woman whom life you saved said that she only lost control over that car because she saw a man standing on the ledge, trying to jump. Now, Jack… how did you get there so fast?"

Suddenly, Jack felt sick. He didn't say anything back to the younger doctor, he just directed himself to the exit and left the hospital.

Wasn't that exactly the same thing his father did? He thought as he caught a taxi. His father had operated while drunk and it cost a young woman her life. What more, that woman was Alice's sister. Was Jack really like his father now? Was Alice right when she told him that?

Seeing Bentham's dead body and then Linus appearing was like a catharsis to Jack. He seemed to have found a new purpose, something to do. He was going to go back, but it wasn't only because of his half-sister, Claire. It was because he had nothing else living for. He lost Alice and his job. Next, he would either succeed in committing suicide or just come back to save everyone who was left behind. And he couldn't just kill himself. He saw now what that would do to Alice.

He came back to his motel room and sat heavily on the bed, hiding his face in his hands and crying. Right now, when he finally made his decision, he actually wanted to come back home. He wanted to change. So badly. So much. He so badly wanted to be with Alice again and to make her happy, not sad. The look he saw on her face and in her eyes today would probably haunt him forever. Unless he'd do something about it. Only then again, what could he really do? Could he really just go back to what they'd had? He doubted that very much because of everything he had done. He needed something else. He needed a purpose. A calling. He needed… probably something to fix. And that was why he found himself that something. Or it found him. It didn't really matter.

Still, he need to apologize first. He owed her at least that much.

So he picked up the phone and called her. And then he asked her to see him.