The first day in the Dharma Initiative was quite overwhelming and surreal. Alice still waited until she would wake up and be sure it was all just a wacky dream. Only it wasn't. They really were back on the island and they got back there in the most bizarre way possible as they travelled through time. And they said that time travels were impossible. Alice decided that such a word really didn't exist in the island's vocabulary.

Right now all she wanted was to finally be able to catch up with her friend, his presence in the village so palpable that it was killing her that they were finally so close, yet still so far away. She'd had to pretend not to know him or anyone else the whole day and it was harder than she thought. Now, once the night set in, she could finally go find him and ask all the questions she'd been dying to ask ever since she'd seen him coming to greet them.

She had trouble finding the right house, but fortunately for her, the Dharma people weren't too suspicious and they quickly pointed her in the right direction.

"Hi there, sweetheart!" he welcomed her with a smile as soon as he opened the door. He was wearing glasses – this time a normal piece and not one that Sayid had ensembled from two completely different pairs – and Alice deduced he must've been reading before she knocked. "How are you doing?" he asked when closing the door behind her and then gesturing her to the couch. There was a book lying open on the table just as she'd predicted there would be.

"Do you really want to know?" she answered with a question and sighed.

"What's with the ring on your finger?" He pointed her wedding band when he joined her on the couch. "You and doc got hitched? And don't you look at me like this! I didn't notice! It was all Juliet during the recruitment."

Alice truly didn't know what to say. She probably should tell him everything, but she had no idea where to start. Here she was, finally able to talk to James after so many times of just wishing she could and she was at loss for words. Somehow, she felt content with just sitting next to him and feeling his presence. There was a strange sense of peace enveloping her every time he was near and it was quite pleasant. She felt as though she could finally take a breath.

"It's… complicated," she eventually answered him evasively.

"Talk to me, then," he encouraged, a foreign note appearing in the tone of his voice.

"And what about you? Are you with Juliet? Weren't you in love with Kate?" Alice wanted to know and then she noticed him getting uncomfortable.

"It's complicated," he repeated after her with a sigh. "I… I'm not technically with Juliet. It was still all very…" he hesitated before finishing that sentence, "new to us before you arrived."

"I guess we really should talk," Alice sighed and then she just blurted out, "God, I missed you so much!"

James's expression changed and she couldn't really know what he was thinking at the moment. Eventually, he smiled at her, but it still felt as though he was hiding something. She didn't remember him acting this way before. Then again, maybe she'd never noticed because of everything that had been going on then.

"Is Juliet mad at you?" Alice asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the possibility of the two of them together while she and the rest had been back home. There was just something about it that made her feel uncomfortable and she couldn't really explain it. It wasn't as though it was her business.

"She…" Sawyer hesitated again, intensity coming off of him.

"Seriously, James, what's wrong? I can tell that you're not telling me something," Alice pushed, actually getting a little mad and feeling a little disappointed with him. She hadn't come all this way and risked so much just to hear him lie to her or have him not tell her the truth. "Are you all right? What is it that's bothering you?"

"I'm fine. It's just… Juliet and I…" he sighed, avoiding Alice's eyes. "This isn't going to work out. She made that clear today."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he dismissed her care.

"Is it because of Kate?"

"Kate?" he seemed surprised. "No. Kate has nothing to do with it."

"So it must be because we came and you didn't really need saving," Alice answered herself and James didn't deny nor confirm her suspicions. "I'm sorry, James. I never thought you could all just be… fine."

"We weren't that fine," he corrected.

"Locke told me you were in danger. That you were all… dying," Alice finally dared say. "And I thought I needed to help you somehow. Leaving you all behind," she shook her head, "it was the worst decision we could ever make."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart."

Alice reached her hand to his, squeezing gently while he just sat there, not moving, not taking her hand into his.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" she just asked sadly when finally taking her hand away. She still couldn't understand why James seemed to be so reserved when it came to her. They'd seemed to be closer before. "Once you came for me when I didn't need your saving and now… the roles are reversed."

"Yeah, but you didn't come for me, did you?" James just asked. "Besides, we would've had to leave eventually," he continued before she managed to answer his question. "In a few years, Ben will be a grown-up and let's not forget about the purge. He will kill every single member of the Dharma Initiative."

"Unless you could do something to stop him now that you're from the future," Alice suggested.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Faraday still seems to think the past is set in stone, even when it comes to the anomaly that is us. So, now you know what we've been doing for the last few months. What about you? What did he do to screw this marriage up?"

"Who? Jack?" Alice asked.

"Something tells me it couldn't be you."

"You think too highly of me," she told him with a smile and then she saddened, going back in her mind to all those happy months she'd spent with Jack. "We were actually happy for a while," she confessed to James when looking down at her hand where her wedding bad still was and turning it on her finger. "He even said he was ready to become a father, but… it just didn't happen for us and I decided to get myself tested."

James remained silent, not trying to interrupt and she was grateful for that. She wanted to get over with telling him all of this as soon as possible.

"It turned out there was nothing wrong with me," she continued. "So, naturally I asked Jack to get tested as well."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't just you adopt or something?" James finally asked, seeing where this was going and how hard this conversation was on her.

"That wasn't even the problem. The thing is that Jack was never ready to be a father and he was ashamed to admit that, I guess. We had this huge fight about how I wanted to have a child and how Jack wasn't enough for me and he was just relieved he couldn't seem to have kids and… and we started drifting apart and then… he was just gone."

"I ain't gonna believe that a child that wasn't even there came between you two."

"Maybe it wasn't all there was. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving his sister behind and that's why he started… well, drinking and… worse," Alice said carefully, somehow ashamed for Jack even though it wasn't her fault. "I don't know. I didn't ask. Or maybe he just had enough of daddy issues to ever be ready or even want to have a child with me. Maybe he was afraid he would be a bad father." She shrugged, still avoiding looking James in the eye.

"That's just bullshit to me," he said to her surprise and she finally met his gaze. "Everyone can be a good dad. You just have to be there. And second thing, what sister?"

Alice didn't even manage to process what James just said to her, dismissing all of Jack's fears as though there were insignificant and Jack was nothing more than a coward before he bombarded her with another question.

"Claire," Alice explained, not having the strength to talk or think about her husband anymore. If they were to even remain married. "Her mother came to LA to Jack's father's funeral and she told him. Christian Shephard had an affair and a daughter in Australia."

"I'll be damned!" Sawyer cursed. "Seriously? You aren't pulling my leg or something?"

"Nope, all truth," Alice assured him. "Maybe we'll find Claire. Right now Aaron's with his grandmother."

"I hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but I haven't seen Claire since that night she walked out on us and left the baby behind."

"Yeah… I never said it'll be easy," Alice said in a resigned voice.

"So you came back because Jack came back?" James wanted to know then.

"Not exactly," she said slowly, by now playing with her fingers nervously.

"Oh, come on," Sawyer prompted, "of course you came all this way for him and I don't get what you're still doing here talking to me instead of just going to him when you can mend fences."

"James…"

"What? We both know you haven't come all this way for me," he repeated, sure of himself and then he saw the look on her face. "Wait a sec… what? You did it for me?" he was stunned as he asked that, his eyes opened widely, shock clear on his face. And something else. Something she didn't really have the strength to try and discover.

"Yes, James, I did," Alice confirmed, not seeing the point in lying to him. "I needed to. Can't you see? You risked your life for me when you jumped from that helicopter and I…"

"Oh, right," he understood and it was as though life had been drained from him in that moment, "but Jack is here as well and you owe it to the both of you to try and at least work through those issues of yours."

"Are you actually throwing me out of here?" Alice asked, surprised to hear that harsh tone in his voice.

"Maybe I am. Go, because we both know that if you don't, you might regret it forever."

"Don't be so dramatic," she told him, but she actually did stand up. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I need to talk to him. We were about to on the plane, but… well, it fell. Again."

"So where's the wreck?" James just asked. "Whatever happened to all of you, Alice, it might have nothing to do with a plane crash."

"Just another mystery added to the already growing pile, right?" she joked, trying to lighten up the mood, but somehow she found herself being unable to. Something changed in Sawyer as though he closed himself off.

"Off you go, sweetheart," he just said and she walked to the door.

"You know what?" She turned to him with her hand already on the knob. "You really have grown up." She smiled at him. "It suits you."

"I'm not sure it's a compliment or an offence…" he admitted with a small smile that, yet, didn't reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight."

"And James?" Alice turned in the door again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're ok."

He sent her the same weird and sad smile and then she had no choice but to leave. Maybe he was right. She'd procrastinated enough.

When she knocked on the door of his house, she was so nervous that her body started to shake a little. She didn't even have enough time to brace herself for the upcoming conversation because the door opened immediately and Jack stood in it. He actually seemed surprised to see her there at such a late hour, but he did figure they had to finish their conversation sooner or later. The problem was he'd rather it to be later.

"Hi," she said, feeling stupid that she didn't start with something else.

"Hi," he answered awkwardly and then stepped aside to let her in and the door closed behind him.

Soon, they found themselves together in a closed space and only felt more awkward. He didn't know where to start, how to even tell her what he was about to and she was scared they would once again end their conversation in a fight.

"We need to talk," she finally said, still feeling stupid when just standing there in the middle of his small living room and not doing or saying anything.

"I know," he said, swallowing hard. "I know we do."

"Jack, I don't know how we can get back to what we had," she started slowly as he clearly wasn't in any rush to, "but we did get married, so maybe we should try and work this out. First, I need to know why."

"Why what?" he just asked, not following.

"Why you left," she clarified. "It couldn't just be the baby thing. I know I overacted as well when you basically let me know you would never have it with me and I am sorry for that. I lost control. But then again, we could try talking it over like rational people. I know that we could've reached some kind of a compromise if we tried hard enough."

"You mean if you tried hard enough because there was ever gonna be only one way out of the situation and that was you becoming a mother and getting what you wanted. That's not a compromise," he hissed, getting angry with her and it happened so fast that she started to regret she'd listened to Sawyer and came over. Then even worse happened, she actually started questioning the remnants of her love for Jack. Maybe it was just gone. Maybe he'd killed it all.

"Jack…"

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "That wasn't fair. Nothing is fair anymore to any one of us." He turned around, running his hand through his hair nervously. His body had a slight twitch to it and she wondered whether it was because of the drug withdrawal he must've been suffering from. That should be the problem number one to solve, she suddenly realized.

"Even if you said right this moment that we could have a baby, I wouldn't want that, Jack," she found herself saying and he was so surprised that he turned around to look at her. "Not in the state you're in. You still need help. You clearly have addictions…"

"Alice…"

"No, don't try to deny it. If we're going to work through our issues, you need to get help first."

"And how about there's no time for that because we're in 1977 and might die once the Dharma finds out we're not really here for the job?" he asked. "Maybe we should take care of that problem first? Maybe we should find a way to get us all out of this island."

"Where to? You said it yourself, we're in the seventies."

He sighed heavily, his conscience laying heavy on him.

"Alice, honestly," he forced himself to look into her eyes as he said that, "I'm not sure there's anything we can do to save us."

"How can you say this to me? Pushing all our problems aside, we loved each other so much once, Jack. What happened to that?" She wasn't even hurt. She just wanted to understand. She wasn't sure if she felt anything at all for this man anymore. She knew that even if he said they could work on their relationship, she would still need a lot of time to heal and to start feeling again.

"The truth, Alice, is that once you hear what I've done, you won't want to be with me anymore," he said, already feeling his heart rate quickening. He hated himself for what he was about to tell her, but he couldn't possibly go on like this and not give her the truth. She at least deserved that much.

"Tell it to me, then. Get it over with," she encouraged when folding her arms on her chest as though she was trying to shield herself against the blow.

But nothing could ever protect her from what she just heard coming from him, "I slept with Kate."

Her hand seemed to work on its own and the blow came unexpectedly, striking Jack hard across the face. He didn't say anything, though. He knew he deserved much more than that.

"Why?" was all Alice could ask, tears already welling up in her eyes. The worst part wasn't even that he broke her heart. She kind of thought there was nothing left that he could break anymore as the person that stood right next to her wasn't the man she'd once loved and been with, it was a stranger she couldn't understand nor feel for.

"I was… lonely, I guess. The guilt was tearing me apart."

Another slap came. This time to the second cheek.

"Lonely?! And I was what to you, exactly?!"

"I'm sorry, ok? I didn't want to burden you with my problems. You've already been through too much…"

"Don't you dare!" she screamed when pointing her finger at him. "Don't you dare blaming me for this! I was strong enough! I am! Why should our whole relationship be defined by one stupid moment of weakness?! Is that all you ever saw in me!? The girl who wanted to die?!"

"No, Alice, I…"

"Then why didn't you just talk to me?! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that you needed to seek another woman's help?! That you even felt the need to talk to another woman?! And Kate! Kate of all people!" Alice turned around, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "That actually explains why she's been so weird around me recently," she murmured under her breath. She couldn't believe this! Not only her husband, the one person she'd been sure she could trust not to cheat on her, had betrayed her. Now she found out her friend had been screwing him behind her back! Or maybe she shouldn't be surprised, not really. Maybe this was who Jack really was. After all, he'd admitted kissing another woman while married to Sarah, hadn't he once? Alice just never thought it would happen to her. Or maybe she just didn't know Jack at all. Maybe she just thought she did.

"Alice…" he tried to come near her and put his hand on her shoulder as he didn't know what else to do or say, but she moved away from him when whirling around to face him.

"Who are you?" she just asked. "It's like I don't know you anymore. Maybe I never did."

"We all change, Alice," he said bitterly.

"Not like this," she shook her head, "not this much."

"Sawyer did."

"Yeah, but the difference is that I actually like the new him," she said, but deep down inside she wasn't even sure anymore. She wasn't sure about anyone anymore and it killed her. It was as though once again in her life she'd literally lost everyone and was all alone again. She knew James was hiding something from her and she would soon get it out of him even if she had to kick and scream while doing so, because she simply couldn't stand being lied to.

"Alice, what do you want me to say? What should I do?" Jack just asked in hopelessness.

"Nothing. I guess I never knew you at all," she said and directed herself to the door since she couldn't breathe in this room anymore. She needed to get away from it and from Jack.

"Maybe you didn't," he silently agreed.

Next thing she knew, she was out the door and breathing the chilly air of the night deeply into her lungs and then almost bending in a half when crying. She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't take this loneliness any longer. Everyone she'd ever loved was abandoning her and she was nearly right where she started. What could she have possibly done to deserve this? Not even finding Claire would make it all right. Claire was never the same after she'd come back from the others' camp, Alice remembered and then added to that all those months she'd been away and on her own…

No, this time would be different, Alice decided when standing up straight and wiping her tears away. This time she was stronger. This time she would not give up no matter how badly it hurt. This time she would simply go on.

"Alice?" she heard James when she reached the front door of her house. "Alice, what's wrong?!"

She didn't stop to even look at him, much less talk to him; she didn't seem to have the strength, but he followed her anyway and before she knew it, he was holding her and she was crying in his arms, desperately clinging to his body as they walked into her house. Because maybe, just maybe, she wasn't alone, after all.

"What did he do?" James asked angrily as Alice calmed down enough to stop crying. Now she was perching on her kitchen table, having drunk all the water Sawyer had given her, the empty glass lying abandoned right next to her on the table.

"Oh, you mean beside drinking, taking drugs and leaving to God knew where?" Alice asked in an idle voice and it actually terrified James. "He cheated on me. With Kate," she added the woman's name after a moment.

"Shit!" James cursed, having trouble believing all of that. "We talkin' about the same doc here?" he asked when running his hand though his hair.

"Sure we do. Maybe we never really knew him at all."

"He's a complete idiot for ever leaving you and for hurting you like this!" Sawyer nearly growled. "I'll kick his miserable ass from here to…" He was just about to leave when Alice reached for him and grabbed his arm.

"It's not worth it," she simply said and he stayed where he was, looking at her closely to make sure she wasn't losing it. "I'm not even sure I care anymore, to be frank," she then added when biting on her lower lip that instantaneously attracted James's eyes. He quickly diverted them, turning around again.

"You know, I thought he deserved you more, but I'm not so sure anymore," he admitted when placing his hands on his hips.

"What are you even talking about?" Alice asked, her so far hazy mind clearing a little.

"I just don't get that bloke," James explained when turning back to her again. "I would never do something like this to someone as amazing and wonderful as you are, Alice. A man just doesn't leave a woman like you behind."

"Says a man who dated Kate as well," she snorted, not sure how she felt about this sudden confession. In fact, she was kind of scared, because James's words opened something inside of her and she suddenly remembered with perfect clarity what she'd felt when he'd jumped out of the chopper, saying goodbye to her. She hadn't wanted to let him go then.

"No offence to Kate, but I only dated her because she was all I thought I deserved at the time," Sawyer suddenly confessed and Alice couldn't help but stare at him with her mouth hanging open.

This was the thing that he'd tried so hard to hide, she suddenly figured, feeling some kind of an awakening inside her heart. All those times he'd been there, all those times she'd been there for him. The way he'd made her feel when he'd left, giving her a chance to come back home…

She couldn't help but look into his eyes and see so much in them. He wasn't able to hide it anymore. And then he groaned deeply in his throat and his hands were on each side of her face and his lips were pressing against her own.

At first, she was surprised at the sudden contact and yet, one so intimate. She had trouble believing James was kissing her and what more, she seemed to want him to do that. His lips were warm and soft and so, so needy, she realized when he opened them and captured her lower lip between them.

Next thing she knew, she lost the contact with him as he pulled away, saying, "I'm sorry," and turning away from her again. "I probably just ruined our friendship."

"You know what?" she asked, her heart beating so fast she was afraid it would jump right out of her chest and there was also something else – need – need so strong she thought she would die if he didn't… "I don't give a damn about anything anymore," she decided and grabbed his face, bringing it down for a kiss. She needed more.

She didn't even have to ask as he groaned again and captured her lips in such a sweet and gentle kiss that it had the power to melt her down completely. She would expect him to be harsh and demanding and instead he was savoring the kiss, tasting her slowly and then opening his mouth and licking a trace along her lower lip until she opened as well and their tongues slowly met.

Alice lost herself in him, in his kiss; her hands in his hair, messing it up, then sliding down to his chest and disappearing under his shirt. His hands were on her hips as he brought her closer and she could feel how much he wanted her, how hard he already was, yet, he still moved away and looked at her. There was something bordering between awe and shock in his expression before she pulled him closer again, searching his mouth with hers and tugging on his shirt so he would lift his arms and she could take it off. Once that was done, he grabbed her hips again and raised her up, carrying her to the bedroom. All Dharma houses seemed to be designed the exact same way, so he found it with no problem and then they were on the bed. Alice's shirt was soon out of the way and the clasp of her bra undone, then James's lips traced an agonizingly slow path down her throat, finally capturing one of her nipples into his mouth and sucking gently. She thought she would explode, she felt such a need deep in her core, the need for him, a person she'd once hated and one that soon grown to become her best friend. And now… She didn't even want to think about the implications and what would come to be. She just wanted to stay in the moment, to enjoy it. It was all about feeling good and needing him and letting go of the darkness that seemed to always follow her with her past catching up with her no matter how hard she tried to escape it, no matter how sure she was she was finally happy.

His lips were back on hers again and they kissed and she pulled on his pants, trying to get them off all the way. He helped her, quickly taking off her own along with the panties and she was lying naked underneath his equally naked and beautiful body, she realized. Why hadn't she before? Why hadn't she become interested? Had she been blinded by her feelings for Jack, by her devotion to him because he'd given her a reason to go on and live again? She wondered as Sawyer kissed and explored her body as though he was worshipping her. His behavior didn't exactly match up with what she would imagine. He wasn't rough at all, quite the contrary.

When her legs parted, he fitted there perfectl, lining up and she knew that was the last moment to back off. Was she really going to do this? Was this what she really wanted? Her body, yet, seemed to be working on its own without listening to her brain. She wanted this, yes, but she knew it was wrong as she was still married. Then again, it wasn't as though she was the first one to engage into any extramarital activities, was it? It was Jack who cheated first. Cheating right back didn't seem right either, but she couldn't help it. She wanted this to happen more than anything before.

So she held on to Sawyer's strong arms, feeling him enter her, feeling him filling her up and hearing him groan in pleasure. She moaned deeply and loudly as well, overwhelmed by everything she seemed to be feeling at the moment. Overwhelmed by how good and right being with him was.

Soon enough, as he was seated inside her all the way, filling her in, in every way, she grew to be only more dazed because he started kissing her when moving slowly in and out, when… making love to her, she realized, opening her eyes widely and seeing the ceiling above her. She would expect a hard fuck from a man like him, but yet, he was making love to her and it completely blew her mind. It was then that she finally realized that he loved her. That he'd always had. Maybe she should have known.

This didn't feel like her first time with Jack. That had mostly been about desire prompted by all those extreme circumstances they'd been thrown into. She hadn't even known Jack then, she thought when lying in James's arms and making love to him. Maybe the one person she knew best was in bed with her right now.

There seemed to be so much more to this than just sex. It felt so, so good and seemed to run so much deeper. As she was slowly being rocked by James, starting to see stars, feeling so much building up inside of her, feeling herself loved and cherished and coming closer and closer to her completion, all those moments he'd been there for her came to her mind. She saw it like a movie in her head. He'd been there for her as she'd been for him. He'd loved her all this time. She was the one person who'd managed to get through to him since the moment they'd actually talked for the first time. Yes, he'd disappointed her more than once, but then he'd always raised up to the challenge, always tried to do right by her.

Alice gasped when holding on to James as he kept on making love to her, their bodies rocking together, him slightly changing the angle which only made her feel more and faster. The worst part was that maybe the best thing in all of this was her own feelings for him and how she hadn't even realized how much she needed and wanted him until she'd seen him again that day, driving over to meet them and welcome them back on the island.

She stopped thinking altogether when James shifted and looked into her eyes, his own conveying so much meaning. She kissed him. Kissed him with so much love that she didn't even know her own name anymore or her marital status. The friction raised to its breaking point and she froze before the orgasm hit her full on and she opened her mouth widely and moaned, riding it out, James quickly following with a delicious groan as she felt him releasing himself inside of her.

The whole thing became so emotional for her that she was left breathless and dazed and felt tears breaking out in her eyes. It was all too much. Too much…

As he got off of her and lay right next to her on the bed, breathing heavily, the harsh reality came back to her and she realized what she'd just done. Yet, she had no regrets. Still, she wasn't able to speak just yet, couldn't even find the right words to tell him what she was feeling.

"Alice?" he finally asked in a hesitant voice as though he was afraid she would soon kick him out the door.

"Just hold me, James," she asked him silently, this much all she could say for now.

And he did. She turned aside and he moved closer and she felt his arms envelop her again, spooning her, securing her inside his hold.

She snuggled into him, put her arms around his arms that rested on her stomach. She wanted to stay this way forever so the next day would never come, so she could always lie in the arms of her best friend and feel so spent, so perfect, so content…