The door to his apartment swung open and they stumbled inside, holding on to each other while kissing. He was technically still a stranger to her, but she found herself so overcame with passion and desire for his man that she couldn't even think straight. Then again, why wouldn't she just go through with this? She was single. She was a grown-up. She deserved some fun.
He kicked the door close and resumed kissing her when pushing her against the wall. Everything about him seemed to be too much and too overwhelming, his lips demanding, yet somehow the kisses felt soft. His hands were everywhere, exploring her body and then his lips traced down her neck, never stopping kissing her skin.
They hadn't even drunk that much, just walked into a bar and ordered something and before they knew it, they got lost in each other's eyes, seeing something nameless there, something intriguing, something mysterious. And then they ended up leaving, the first kiss like fireworks erupting, throwing her off track and knocking her off her feet. Then it only got better.
As clothes started falling to the floor in his halfway, Alice wondered what the hell happened. This wasn't her. She never acted like this. Her moves were usually calculated, meticulously planned. Or maybe she should think again where that had led her in the past. She'd done everything right, but in the end she ended up with nothing. Still, that didn't change the fact that she never acted this spontaneously. It was actually Shannon's specialty. She didn't care, though, knowing that her friend would only urge her on and she could clearly hear her voice in her head telling her to just stop thinking and have some fun because she deserved it after everything she'd been through.
They were both naked now, James's pants barely falling down his legs along with his boxers when he lifted her slightly and slid himself home, groaning loudly in pleasure. And she reciprocated, holding on to his strong body while they were fucking against the wall.
Just in that moment, she had the weirdest feeling – that nothing about this felt foreign, he actually felt familiar. It threw her off track and she stilled.
"You ok?" he froze, moving back a little, but staying inside of her.
"Yeah," she assured him quickly when putting her hands to both sides of his head and looking into his eyes, then studying his features. "I'm perfect," she added and then kissed him again, urging him on by clenching her muscles so he could feel the pressure.
"Oh, damn it, you're killing me," he groaned and pushed into her again, causing her to quickly forget about her weird feelings and just get herself lost in him, consequences be damned.
Widmore brought them back to the cages, Alice and Jack being the only ones who actually recognized this place, all the memories following. It made Alice think of how Jack had refused to save Ben in 1977, therefore actually causing him to become the man Ben was today. Something happened to Sayid when he was brought back and Alice could only assume that quite a similar thing happened to Ben when Kate and Sawyer had given him over to the others, to Richard.
"Hell, no!" James's grumble woke her up from her reverie. "I ain't going into a cage like some damn animal!" He protested and tried to resist. In that moment, they all heard the click of Widmore's gun and then the cold, metallic barrel was pressed against Alice's temple, causing her whole body to still, but her heartbeat to fasten up.
"I swear, if you hurt her…" Jack started immediately, but Widmore interrupted him.
"You'll do what, exactly? Shephard, Reyes, Ford, Kwan… you're all on the list, but she's not. Not anymore," he informed. "She's expendable to me now."
James was terrified and speechless when he looked Alice in the eye and saw the tears in there. She was doing her best to be strong and appear to be brave, but she was failing. He was so sure she was safe, otherwise he would never oppose Widmore like this. Next thing he did was to simply go inside the cage and let Widmore lock him and the rest of them up while wondering what exactly disqualified Alice from being a candidate.
She landed in the cage last, Widmore pushing her in there hard enough for her to lose her balance and she would've fallen if James hadn't caught her. She didn't let go of him when she finally found her footing, just burying her head in his chest and sobbing quietly. Sawyer put his arms around her tightly, trying to shield her from everything and give her strength, but in the same time knowing it was all futile since he couldn't possibly save her. He hated feeling this powerless.
Once they were left alone, Jack asked Alice in a harsh voice, "What did he mean? Why aren't you on the list?"
She finally let Sawyer go and looked Jack in the eye bravely, though she was afraid what she might find there. Then she discovered with surprise that there was truly nothing. He was a little angry, but that was it.
"How am I supposed to know?" she just asked him.
They didn't have to time to wonder since they suddenly heard the familiar sinister sound of the smoke monster approaching. Locke must've gotten to Hydra island somehow and Widmore's people were clearly behind in their work on the sonic fence.
Next, Alice thought of a different thing – she hadn't felt anything remotely similar to her ability and she wondered whether it was weakening because Jacob was dead. Well, she wouldn't miss it either way, she decided and hoped that it was true because then Richard could become human again.
James's arms were back around her as he covered her with his body while Locke was killing all Widmore's people. When the hold on her finally lessened, she was surprised to discover that the cage stood open and they were free. They were more confused than ever whom to trust, but at the moment there seemed to be no choice to make.
Locke led them straight to the plane and then retrieved a bomb from it. The whole way there Alice just held on to James's hand, so scared she was shaking. She was actually afraid they'd all die on this island, that they would never return home.
"Charles Widmore would never let you leave," Locke informed when holding the bomb for all of them to see. "He let me into his camp today. He let me free all of you to give you the false sense of being safe. He was planning on gathering you all in a tight, confined space like this plane, so he could kill you. Now, if you go with me to the sub, we will get out of this island, I promise you that."
Again, having no better choice and choosing the lesser evil at the moment – although Alice wasn't so sure, desperately trying to tap into her ability and not being able to locate it anymore. She immediately remembered the well-known phrase - be careful what you wish for. What if her wish had come true in least wanted moment?
She walked right behind Jack and Sawyer and just now noticed that they were talking. She decided to pay attention to what they were saying to each other and soon enough she knew that James didn't want Locke on the sub and he was right. They couldn't let this… thing… whatever it really was, to get out of the island because of what it could do in the real world with millions of people around. Jack promised James to take care of Locke as he noticed that the man somehow couldn't cross water while being the smoke monster, so maybe pushing him into it could be their chance.
Once they reached the submarine, Alice finally felt it. Danger was coming and it was coming fast. She was just opening her mouth to warn everyone, but it was already too late. One moment Jack was pushing Locke into the water and the next there was a gunshot and Kate was hit.
Alice grabbed her own gun and opened fire to the enemy just like everyone else. It was extremely difficult to listen to the signals her body was giving her and then shoot accordingly, but she managed, focusing all her energy on it, pushing her mind away from James or Jack or anyone else she might care about. This was the only way to protect them now.
Eventually, she made her way to the sub and was relieved to see James waiting for her at the bottom of the ladder; Jack, Kate and Hugo following.
Jack took care of Kate immediately as she seemed to be in a lot of pain. All the events preceding caused Alice to feel dizzy and she needed to find a seat. Once she did that, she lowered her head, doing her best to overcome the nausea.
"Hey, you ok?" James walked over to her and he squatted by her side, looking up at her face. "Is there something else wrong? Are we in any danger?" he asked then when reaching his hand to her face and brushing her hair aside.
"No," she finally decided when shaking her head. "I don't think…" and then she gasped, suddenly hit with a wave so powerful that her eyes opened widely and she raised her head. "Something's wrong!" she screamed for everyone to hear and James stood up, scared as well. "Something is really, really wrong!"
Soon enough, Jack retrieved a bomb from his backpack. The same bomb they'd seen in Locke's hands.
"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer cursed. "The bastard kept talking about Widmore getting us all into a confined space to kill us and he did it himself!"
Sayid came over to Jack quickly, taking a look at the bomb, but he couldn't be sure if pulling the wires at the same time would help or do just the opposite. The mechanism was too elaborated and tricky and they didn't have enough time.
"Nothing is going to happen," Jack suddenly said and everyone stared at him. "We should just let it be."
"Jack, no!" Alice protested, still in pain caused by her ability. Why had she tried to wake it up in the first place? She started wondering. What good did it do to them now? "It's real! The way I feel it's all the proof you need!" she argued.
"And are you absolutely sure that you're afraid of the bomb or what we can do with it?" he asked a very confusing question and she didn't understand him at all. The nausea and discomfort she felt wasn't helping either.
"Locke wants us dead, but for some reason he can't kill us himself," Jack went on, speaking directly to her. "This is how he'll do it. He wants to trick us into killing oursevles. It's a trap, Alice. Trust me on this."
Their eyes locked for a moment and she could actually feel it. She could sense the truth in what he was saying. How did she know? She had no idea, but she was sure of it. She believed him. Maybe it was crazy, but she did nevertheless.
"I ain't gonna be blown to pieces!" James then said and pulled the wires just like Sayid suggested. For a moment, everything was all right, the counting seemed to stop, only then it started all over again, this time like four times faster.
They were all too shocked to act and it was Sayid who grabbed the bomb and then turned to Jack to tell him quickly, "Find Desmond. He's on the island and Locke wants him dead, so you'll need him." Then he just ran away with the bomb in his hands and they all watched it happen until there heard the explosion. Sayid was gone. The sub was sinking. And everything went to hell.
Soon the water started getting into the room and they felt the sub going down. Jack, seeing that Kate was right by side, called out Alice's name and then tried to get to the place she was before, but it seemed impossible. They were drowning fast and the water was already up to his waist. Besides, all the furniture was just dancing around and he heard a scream he located came from Sun as one of the pieces crashed straight into her.
"Hurley, get her out of here!" Jack turned to Hugo as he was the only uninjured person he could see near him and pointed Kate. She was shot and that made it difficult for her to get out on her own. Then he turned to Sun, still looking all over the sinking room to find his – still - wife. And he couldn't. He just couldn't find her and he didn't want to think of what that might mean. He heard James calling her name, too and that unsettled him even more as there was a hint of despair in the man's voice.
It wasn't that Jack hated the days he was to spend with his son. It was that he was afraid since ever since the boy was born, Jack couldn't seem to find any connection with him. For some reason his son hated him and every summer when he was to take him in from his mother, he dreaded the moment.
He just wanted to be a good father, but never managed to succeed. Maybe people like him just weren't meant to be parents, he wondered, hating himself more than ever for thinking that. Still, David had already been born and Jack needed to suck it up and be the kind of a father for the boy that he deserved since it wasn't like he was going to have another. Well, technically, his ex wife could remarry, but Jack wasn't sure he would be fine with his son calling some other man dad. No, that just didn't lie well with him and he hated himself for that, too, because he never seemed to be enough for either David or his mom.
He'd had David for barely two days when the boy told him he hated him.
"David, I'm really trying here," Jack sighed, already tired. "I'm really doing my very best, so maybe if you could meet me half-way…"
"But you're not my father!" the kid screamed at him and then ran straight to his room, leaving Jack just staring after him with eyes widely opened. "You never were!" the boy added before slamming the door.
Meanwhile, as the water hit, Alice was thrown into the next room. She had no strength to fight the tide, because she was still incapacitated by the terrible feeling filling her in and something told her it was the death coming. Then she didn't even have the strength to fight for air anymore and she inhaled the water, her lungs filling with it and she started to panic. Surprisingly, all she saw before her eyes as she was dying was James. How they met. How much she hated him. How much she grew to like him and to actually relay on him. She remembered him shaking all over when he took the real Sawyer's life. She remembered how he told her he'd regretted it ever since. She remembered… how they fell in love and… that was it, Alice realized with the last ounce of strength she had left. That was it. At least she saved him.
Jack couldn't stand leaving Sun and Jin behind, but they themselves told him to go and look for his wife. He knew deep down that there was no way he could get Sun out. No one could with the sub sinking so rapidly, with the pressure and the lack of air. So he left. Still, he knew that the sight of Sun and Jin drowning would forever haunt him.
He swam forward, using the small air-tank Jin had given him and finally, he saw her. He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want her to turn out dead. She couldn't be. Not now. Not ever. Then it would truly be all his fault. Then he would have killed her and Juliet and Sun and Jin. Just please God, no! Jack was praying desperately as he grabbed Alice's arm and gently yanked her upwards, out of the sub and up to the surface. Please, please, let her be all right, he was silently praying, not even remembering the last time he'd done so. He knew he didn't deserve God's attention, but she did. Alice was one of the best people he knew, if not the best. And she was so strong. He saw that now. She'd always been strong just like James told him and in that moment Jack knew he'd never given her enough credit.
Finally, after what seemed like a whole eternity, he broke through the surface, threw the tank away and before he even managed to breathe the fresh air in, he started screaming for help and then choking. Soon, there was a pair of hands taking Alice from him and bringing her to the shore and once Jack got there, too, not even feeling his legs anymore but still going, he saw that it was Sawyer who helped him.
"She ok?" the guy asked, his voice terrified and full of guilt. In fact, he was shaking and Jack could tell it wasn't from the cold. He also noticed tears in the guys eyes.
Jack didn't answer, he just got to his knees in front of Alice's inert body and cleared her airway, preparing her for the resuscitation. It had to work. It just had to work, he was telling himself. Just like it'd worked once with Charlie. It would work now, too. She hadn't been under for too long.
He seemed not to have any breath left in his lungs, he seemed not to have any strength, but he kept on going. He blew the air into her mouth and then started the heart massage. He didn't trust anyone else with Alice's life except Sawyer, but the man was in no state to perform a resuscitation as he was losing it. Jack couldn't follow. He'd had years of saving lives on him, so he remained strong, breathing into her mouth and massaging her heart until she would wake up. He'd sooner die than give up. He'd hurt her so much that he owed it to her to bring her back now, to give her a chance at a happy life.
Hugo and Kate came over, sobbing. Kate saying something but Jack didn't hear her. Sawyer was frantically murmuring something under his breath, maybe praying, Jack didn't care. He only cared about saving Alice. He focused only on her, trying not to think of how fragile her body seemed to be now, of how much smaller she was in comparison to him. How could she survive this?
While Jack was working on bringing Alice back, James already felt like he lost her. She'd been unconscious for way too long, he thought when covering his mouth with his hand and thinking of how he always seemed to destroy everything he touched. He probably killed her because he didn't listen to Jack. Hurting her was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do, yet he somehow managed to do just that and he hated himself for it. If she died, he would never forgive himself. He would never be the same. He couldn't even begin to process what would a life without her mean to him – or rather what it wouldn't mean because nothing would matter anymore. He was ready to give her up, to watch her reunite with the man she should be with, with the man who was still her husband, just to keep her alive. He would only hurt her in the end, he decided.
And just in that moment, James heard coughing and he looked at Alice and saw that it came from her.
"Thank God!" he screamed, feeling all too much at once as hope entered his heart. "Thank God!" He repeated when getting to his knees on the sand right next to her.
"Alice?" Jack asked, completely shocked that it actually worked. It was one thing not to give up, but completely another to actually see that he hadn't done it for a reason, that he actually brought her back. "Alice! Thank God! Alice!" he kept on calling her name and crying and then he brought her to his chest, hugging so tightly that he was actually afraid he would cause some damage.
He released her from his arms as soon as he pulled her close, suddenly feeling like maybe he shouldn't have done that, like maybe she wouldn't want him to. He raised up when leaving her sitting on the sand and he marched towards the shore, desperate to wash himself clean even though he'd barely gotten out of the ocean. He just now realized that Sun and Jin were dead because he was, yet, once again wrong. And Alice had been so close to following those two into the void. It was all too much for Jack as his knees gave up and he found himself falling to the sand, tears flooding his face.
"Jack!" Kate finally got to him, putting her arms around him from behind. "Jack, I couldn't find you… For a moment there I thought…"
He didn't speak, but he did put his arms around her own over his chest, desperately needing her comfort.
"Alice," James finally dared say her name and she didn't say anything back, she just threw herself at him, shakily clinging to his body as she started to sob. She needed him closer, she needed to just feel his body right next to hers, remembering her last thoughts before 'death'. At least she'd thought she was going to die. Maybe it made it clear for her what she really wanted or rather whom she really wanted. Still, she seemed not to be able to find the right words to tell him what she really felt for him. For now, she just sought out his body heat, so cold herself and she needed to hear the beating of his heart to make sure they were both ok and that it was real.
"I'm so sorry," he sobbed into her hair, not letting her go, just holding onto her frantically. "I'm sorry I pulled that wire."
"It wasn't your fault. Anyone of us could've done it."
"But I was the one who did it and now…"
"Where's Sun? Jin?" Hugo chose that moment to ask and James went silent, feeling the weight of those deaths lying heavily on his conscience.
"They're gone," it was Jack who answered, having returned from the shore with Kate. "They're dead because of me."
"With all due respect, doc, I did the pulling…" Sawyer argued when moving away from Alice just for a moment to look up at him.
Jack only shook his head. "We wouldn't have been in this position if I hadn't been so…"
"Would you both just stop?" Alice asked, raising to her feet shakily and hugging herself. James immediately followed, making sure she could stand. "It's no one's fault! For all we know, Sayid would've eventually pulled those wires out! And if you have to blame someone, blame the son of a bitch that is Locke! We need to get rid of him! He cannot win!"
Everyone seemed to agree with her on the last part.
Alice had never before in her life felt so relaxed and so blissfully happy, she decided when snuggling up to James in his bed. Well, they did finally manage to get there and she nearly giggled at all the crazy sex they'd had. What was happening was beyond weird for her. It was as though she meant to lie in this man's arms, as though they were meant to meet, to collide, but she couldn't explain it. Was destiny even real? Or meeting your soul mate? Wasn't that just something reserved for movies?
Then again, maybe she was blowing this out of proportion, she brought herself down to the ground and she actually tensed up. Maybe this was why she never acted like Shannon and didn't have one nights stands. Maybe she just got too involved and wasn't that kind of a girl who could separate sex from feelings. Was it like that for James? She suddenly wondered. She could've almost sworn there was more to it as she could clearly see it in his eyes, but maybe she was delusional. Maybe she just didn't know any better, already falling for the wrong man once before.
"What's wrong?" he asked sleepily straight into her ear. "You're tense."
"I'm… I'm fine," she assured him quickly and he was already opening his mouth to prod some more when her phone started ringing. It was about the third time in the last hour and just now she welcomed the sound since it prevented her from telling James the truth and destroying the remnants of the amazing night they had.
She reached for her purse and frowned when seeing Jack's name pop up on the screen. She bit her lip before answering it, but decided to just do it since it was his turn to take care of David. Maybe it was important.
"I'm sorry," she turned to James, "I have to take this." She disappeared in the bathroom.
"Yeah?" she finally answered when she found herself behind locked doors.
"Why are you whispering?" Jack asked suspiciously instead of a greeting.
"Jack, this isn't really the time for an interrogation. Just tell me what you want."
"It's David. There's been…" Jack hesitated, "some problems," he finally finished.
"Are you kidding me right now?!" Alice got mad, raising her voice and then glancing at the closed door. "You have him like once a year, Jack! He's your son!"
"Yeah, you should maybe tell him that since he said he hated me and that I wasn't really his father."
"He's a kid, Jack and added to that, a very confused one. You just need to give him time."
"Could you maybe…?" he started, but she cut in immediately.
"Do you have any idea what I've been through?! I just came back from Australia where, mind you, I attended my parents' and sister's funeral! I thought you could take care of David, so I wouldn't have to worry about him and you just…"
"Ok, Alice, calm down…"
"It's your son, Jack," she repeated with a sigh. "I understand you never wanted him, but it wasn't like I planned to get pregnant. You know well that it was an accident and now you have no choice but to be a part of his life. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for him. He needs a father."
There was a heavy thud coming from the bedroom and Alice heard James curse loudly.
"Wait… who's in there with you?" Jack suddenly asked. "Are you honestly going to tell me there's a man in your apartment?! And you lecture me on how to take care of our kid?!" he exploded.
Alice just hung up.
Once they came back to their beach, James found a blanket for Alice and wrapped her up in it so she would finally get warm enough. He didn't care about getting sick himself. All that mattered to him was her.
"Come in here," she still encouraged him when opening the blanket as she sat on the sand. Finally, with a slight hesitation, he slid in there and put his arms around her, seeking her body heat.
They stayed like that, not talking at all. Quite frankly, he was tired of talking, of confessing what he truly felt to her. He wasn't sure anymore if it was such a great idea either. What if he never truly changed? What if he never truly was the man he thought he could become? Maybe a tiger didn't change its stripes, after all. Maybe all he would always be was a screw up and a failure, the man who'd gone to Australia and shot the wrong person. The man who always made the wrong decisions, the man who killed the one who'd ruined his entire family and now became just like him? Maybe he never was anything else. Maybe who he was, was always Sawyer.
Alice fell asleep by his side, oblivious to his confused thoughts. And good, he thought, since she was so tired after everything that had happened and needed the rest. He just didn't know where they would all go from here. There were moments when he was so sure what his future would look like, but then came those in which he just hated himself for everything and wondered whether it was better if he hadn't told her how he really felt in the first place, if they'd just remained friends even though it was killing him. Maybe she would've forgiven Jack then. Or maybe she wouldn't have. Maybe drugs and alcohol could be forgiven, but not the betrayal that followed because of them.
"What happened?" Alice asked James when she emerged from the bathroom and found him picking up some clips and pictures that must've fallen from the big binder he was still holding.
"Nothing. Just clumsy," he explained, trying to disregard the whole situation and pick it all up, but she was faster, getting to the floor and looking at what had fallen from the binder.
"Who's Sawyer?" she wanted to know when reading the man's name from the document she was holding.
"Doesn't matter," James just said and gathered it all up into the binder, not bothering to arrange it nearly.
Then he stood up and threw the binder into one of his drawers, slamming it shut.
Alice could tell that whatever this was must be significant to him, so she came closer and put her hand on his shoulder from behind.
"James, you can tell me," she encouraged.
He truly didn't know what prompted him to do just that. One moment he was angry that the binder that he'd taken out of his bag, fallen from his hands before he could hide it from her and the next he was telling her everything. And he never did that. He'd never shared that particular secret with anyone before.
"I was in Australia because I had a lead," he finally explained. "It went cold, unfortunately, but I will find him. One day I will find Sawyer and he will pay for what he did," James was just saying when clenching his fists. "I became a policeman just for this."
Alice was silent for a very long time and he could already feel her slipping away. Soon, she would be out the door and he would never see her again just because he opened up to her and she got scared, he thought with regret. There was just something about this one, something that made him want her to stay.
To his astonishment, she told him, "A few years back, my family, my twin sister and I were planning to move to Australia. It was our dream to live there, to explore the country and the culture, to see the kangaroos," she actually smiled at the last one, but then she saddened again and continued, "but I fell in love. I was young and stupid and I thought love could fix everything, that it was worth anything. I stayed behind for him. Then we got divorced and my family died in a car accident," she confessed with tears in her eyes as she looked into his. "I regret not leaving with them till this day. I have no way of knowing whether staying behind saved my life, whether I would be in the car with them, but…" she shook her head. "I regret that there was so many years I could've been with them and now…" She wiped her tears away when sniffling. "Now I have an ex husband who drives me crazy and a kid who hates him. And I have no parents and no sister."
James truly didn't know what to say to that, so he just pulled her close, putting his arms around her and letting her cry on his shoulder. He didn't know how it happened that instead of leaving she told him all of this and stayed, but he was grateful. Maybe she just understood.
Alice still had trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Jacob came to them, taking them to the fire burning in the jungle on a small clearing and informing them that one of them would soon have to take his place. When she actually recognized the guy as he'd walked into a bathroom back in Sydney when she'd felt so low and then bumped into her right after she left that room, she was left speechless and dizzy.
And then Jack said, "I'll do it," and they all just looked at him in shock.