Team Rocket popped out next to Keldeo's rock platform and started singing.
He's the most critical critic with a Poke stichk
This review stars Keldeo the Critic!
Keldeo, who was standing on the platform, glared at Team Rocket and said in a cranky sounding tone, "Ah, enough with the singing already!" He then fired a Focus Blast right at Team Rocket.
BOOOM!
"That's Keldeoooooooooo!" they shouted as they flew off into the distance.
"You remind me of a very young Three Stooges!" Keldeo shouted after them.
BOOOOOM!
A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.
No matter what we say or do,
Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.
It's never up to me and you,
Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.
We smile now and sing a cheer!
Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.
Ghost Pony Rider roared.
Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.
Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.
Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.
The show must go on!
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.
"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.
"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.
The show must go on!
Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.
Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.
Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.
A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.
Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.
Never fear . . .
Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing Wonderbolt Free Fliers.
Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.
The show! Will! Go! On!
Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.
Keldeo the Critic
Season 4 Episode 2: Skippy's Story by Commander
tinyurl: ptzoj83
"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a happy grin, "Let's talk about the Animaniacs!"
"Now, to be honest, I never really watched that show much. I felt that those three . . . dog, rabbit, cat, bunny things . . .were too annoying and weird, and if I wanted to see Pinky and the Brain, I'd just watch their spin off show. But just recently I gave the show another chance. Not only did I realize that the Warner Trio could be quite funny, but I also found two more characters that I absolutely adored: Slappy and Skippy!"
"Skippy was an old squirrel who was a retired Bugs Bunny-like Looney Tunes character who now spends her days looking after her nephew Skippy and getting into various situations with him, which she solves using classic Looney Tunes wit and cartoon violence. But what makes her an interesting character is one: she's always commenting on how modern cartoons don't have the comedic slapstick everyone used to like because of corporate and government censoring; and two: despite her grouchy attitude, she does truly care about Skippy and often goes to great lengths to protect him and help him."
Keldeo grew misty eyed and said, "And don't get me started on One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock. That has to be one of the saddest, most touching cartoons I've ever seen. I wish I knew what's keeping the MysteriousMrEnter from reviewing it as an Admirable Animation."
Keldeo wiped his eyes with his fetlock and sniffed before continuing, "But we're not hear to talk about the show. We're here to talk about a Fanfic. Namely, Skippy's Story by Commander."
Skippy's Story
By: Commander
I know, I know, I said that I might write a sequel for Origins but in the meantime I'm writing this. This explains Skippy's family history and why he's living with Slappy.
Keldeo nodded, "Yes, exploring why Skippy lives with his aunt and what happened to his parents is a good topic for fanfiction. Well then, let's not waste any time. Let's get into it."
In a tree in Nebraska, young Skippy, a squirrel, waited for his mother. He always got a little anxious whenever his mother went out. She was the only family he had. All the rest had been run over by cars.
Keldeo had a disturbed smile frozen on his face. He lifted a fore hoof to his ear and asked with his smile still frozen on his face, "Pardon?"
"I'm a lot like you in some ways, Skippy," she had told him. "I never knew my father. Like you, a car killed my father before I was born. My mother was very old, and she said that she had had so many children that she lost count. I was her last. She died shortly after I was legally old enough to leave her."
"If she had so many kids, then where are they?" Skippy had asked.
"Well," his mother had said, sighing a little, "Mom said that more than half of them were run over by cars while they were still living with her. This is what happened to the five that came before me. And she said that many more were killed a little after they left her. They're probably all dead. It's kind of a family tradition to be killed by a car, in both your mother's and father's side of the family."
Keldeo shook the smile off of his face and said, "What the heck am I reading? I mean, yes, squirrels do get run over by cars a lot, but this is just too much! I mean, I swear that I didn't skip anything! This is how the story begins!"
Skippy knew that. His father had been his parents' first and only child. They had been killed together shortly after his father left them. And likewise, he had been killed shortly before Skippy had been born.
"Are you having fun yet? Remember everyone, this is the story's best foot forward. This is how the story reels you in and gets you invested. THIS!"
Thus Skippy had no living relatives besides his mother. And as he sat in the hollowed out hole in his tree, waiting for his mother, he thought to himself, ~What's taking her so long? Did she get hit by a car?~
Being hit by a car seemed to Skippy to be the only purpose in his life. Somedays he felt like just jumping out in the street and just getting it over with. Why postpone the inevitable? Sure, he was only six years old, but to him, he had a lot to live; er, die; up to.
Keldeo gave a look of utter disbelief and said, "Okay, this went from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events depressing, to Clemont abandoning Shinx for years depressing. . . sure, that actually turned out okay, but what the heck's going on here?!"
He was cheered immensely when he heard his mother calling, "I'm home, Skippy!" Skippy scampered to the entrance and greeted her.
His mother's name was Topaz, since her fur was a shinning, goldish color. The records indicated that she was the first squirrel to be called Topaz. Since squirrels don't use last names, careful records are kept of each and every squirrel's name. When a squirrel had a baby, she had to go to the court tree and select a name that no presently living squirrel had. There had only been two other squirrels named Skippy since 1630, when squirrels started keeping records.
Keldeo rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "That's actually kind of interesting."
"I'm glad you're back," said Skippy, hugging his mother.
"I found some nuts for you," she said. She was a very young and pretty squirrel. Skippy thought that she was the prettiest squirrel who had ever lived, even though he hadn't seen very many squirrels in his young lifetime.
Topaz handed Skippy some of the nuts. Skippy broke one open and said, "Is it true that you're my only living relative?"
Topaz shrugged. "I suppose so."
"Why don't we go to the court tree and find out for sure?"
Topaz smiled at her son. "You're lonesome, aren't you?"
"Yeah, a little, I guess so," said Skippy.
"I think we should do it," said Topaz. "Even if none of my siblings are alive, I would at least like to know who they were."
Topaz and Skippy set out on their adventure. They scampered across trees when they could, but after awhile they were forced to go down on the ground.
Then they came to the road.
"Oh no," whimpered Skippy. He was terribly afraid of roads and cars.
"You go ahead of me, Skippy. The road's clear now. I'll be right behind you," said his mother.
Skippy obeyed and scampered on the road.
At that point a car turned around the corner.
Fearing for his life, Skippy made a mad dash the rest of the way across the street. The car whizzed by.
Skippy turned around.
His mother's body lay crumpled in the street.
Keldeo had a clearly forced smile on his face, and his eyes were open and unblinking.
"What the heck, Commander?" he asked, still with the pained forced smile on his face, "What did you do, watch PSA's from Canada before you wrote this?"
Grandmother: "It's a rape whistle."
"I mean, sure, we all knew that the mother was gonna die eventually so he'd have to go live with Slappy, but come on! Talk about a Sucker Punch to your feels! Couldn't you have her die in a less dark way! I mean, she just got run over right in front of him!"
"No! Mom!" screamed Skippy. "Please get up!"
She didn't.
"Oh my gosh . . . make it stop," Keldeo whimpered as he bit his hoof tip.
The squirrels from the court tree dashed out when they heard Skippy screaming. "Help!" cried Skippy. "My mom just got hit by a car!"
The squirrels looked at Skippy for a while. Then finally one of the squirrels asked, "What was her name?"
"Topaz."
"Topaz number what?"
"One. She was the first squirrel to be named Topaz."
"Come with me," they said, and led Skippy into the court tree.
As soon as he got in, he sat down on a bench and sobbed. "It's all my fault!" he cried. "I was the one who wanted to see if I had any living relatives! And now she's gone!"
"What makes it worse is that Skippy is supposed to be happy all the time, so when Skippy is broken up, you know things are serious. Well, anyway, Skippy needs to find another living relative to live with or he'll be put up for adoption."
He took out a file. "Topaz #1. Parents are Redwood #154 and Lilac #390." He pulled out another file. "Holy smokes!"
"What?" asked Skippy.
"Your grandparents had 28 kids!" he cried. "Slappy #43, Acorn #1001, Samuel #3364, Valerie #79, Pine #250, Daffodil #467, Menkus #24, Rose #3784, Rocky #354, Ulysses #5, Sparkles #12, Walnut #4029, Lucky #564, David #253, Katherine #680, Fortune #65, Dandelion #26, Julie #647, Yopomis #2, Lenny #47, Wilburt #364, Quincy #22, Lenore #45, Autumn #789, Violet #56, Bob #17589, Toby #4657, and Topaz #1."
"Okay, just to take a break from all the depressing stuff, I gotta say, over 4000 squirrel were named Walnut? Why would anyone name their kid Walnut? Or Acorn? Who'd name their kid after their food? And over 17000 squirrels got names Bob? That's a lot of lazy parents! Sure, this started in 1630, but this is only in one community, I assume. Unless the court tree has jurisdiction over all of Nebraska, which I doubt."
"Are any of them still alive?" asked Skippy.
"Hmm, that's odd," he murmured. "The only one still alive is the first born, Slappy #43."
"Slappy #43," commented another squirrel. "Isn't she that Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel from those old cartoons?"
"Oh yeah!" said the first squirrel. "Well then, I'm not all that surprised that she's still around. That Slappy has a strong will to live."
"So she hasn't gotten hit by a car yet?" asked Skippy.
The first squirrel laughed. "Knowing Slappy, she'd blow the car up before it even had a chance to nick her. I'll give her a call and see if she wants to take you in."
Skippy sighed and pulled his legs towards him. He had no idea what this aunt of his would be like, but he could take a pretty good guess if she blew things up. He just wished that his mom hadn't of gotten hit by that car.
"So while Skippy tries to keep from being emotionally scared for life, the story heads over to Burbank, California where Slappy gets the most important phone call of her life."
"Whaddiya want?" she asked.
"Is this Slappy #43?" asked the squirrel on the other end.
"Yeah," said Slappy. "What is it?"
"Well… how updated are you on the status of your family?"
"Quite honestly, I don't have a clue as to who's alive and who's dead."
"Well, your parents and their 27 other kids-"
"Holy s***!" cried Slappy, almost dropping the phone. "I knew that they liked kids, but that's a little overkill!"
"Okay, Slappy never swore during the show . . . obviously . . . I mean, there was some risky humor-"
Skippy: "You want me to bring him back to his nest?", referring to the baby bird that making itself comfortable underneath Slappy's rear.
Slappy: "No, Skippy... I'm actually starting to enjoy it.
(Wakko plays a rimshot on the drums)
Skippy: "Goodnight, everybody!"
"-But no one ever swore! Come on, Commander. You're killing me!" Keldeo groaned.
"Topaz-the one that just was killed today-had a six-year-old son."
Slappy didn't say anything.
"You're his only living relative," he continued.
Slappy gave a long sigh. "I guess that means that you want me to take him in, right?"
"Right. Will you do it, Slappy? He is, after all, your nephew. And if you don't take him in, then we'll have to put him up for adoption."
Slappy sighed again. "Fine, I'll take him in."
"Thanks. We'll send him over soon."
"I'll be expecting you."
"Thanks again, Slappy. Bye."
"Bye."
Back in Nebraska, the squirrel turned to face Skippy. "She's going to take you in. Now remember, she's got a quick temper. Make sure you mind what she says."
"Okay," said Skippy glumly, not really looking at him. ~Why did my life have to change so quickly?~ he thought sadly.
Confused Matthew: "Bad writing!"
Skippy left to go live with his aunt only two days later. During those two days of waiting, he had watched some of the old cartoons that Slappy was in. She seemed to be witty and sarcastic, and seemed to like to use explosives.
"That's basically the way she is in real life," said one of the squirrels. "In these cartoons, she wasn't really acting, she was just being herself."
"Has she changed any since then?" asked Skippy.
"She's gotten a lot older," said the squirrel.
"Older, as in she's attached to tubes 24/7 and can't go to the bathroom by herself?"
The squirrel sighed. "Look, if she was like that we would have found you another guardian. It's probably time to get you settled in with her. Remember that she's cranky. Don't give her any lip."
"So I guess Skippy is gonna take a train to-"
The squirrels jumped on the top of a California-bound car and somehow managed to stay on.
"Okay, if this is supposed to be a cartoon world, shouldn't they be able to just buy a train ticket or something? It would be a lot safer than clinging to a car for dear life!"
In a couple of days they had reached their destination. By that time Skippy was so nervous that he was shaking. So many questions were racing through his mind. ~Will she be nice? What if I don't adjust? Will she be like my mom? What if she gets hit by a car too? What if she doesn't like me?~
"Here it is," said the squirrel. Skippy grabbed his bag of belongings (and since he was a six-year-old squirrel, he didn't have much) and timidly followed him to the door (yes, a real DOOR, not just some hole!) of a huge tree. The squirrel knocked on the door.
Slappy answered it. "Yeah?" she asked.
"Here's Skippy," said the squirrel.
"So Slappy takes Skippy in, and you know, I'm wondering if the author will be able to write Slappy with a caring personality while keeping her grouchy and snarky attitude."
"Alright, Skippy, take yer bag and come inside," said Slappy.
"Why don't you take it?" Skippy asked.
"Because it's YER bag, and besides, it's probably too heavy fer someone my age."
"It doesn't weigh very much, though… how old are you, anyway?"
"Too old," said Slappy, and it became apparent to Skippy that that would be the only answer he could get out of her.
Keldeo nodded, "So far, so good."
They walked inside.
It was different than any place Skippy had ever seen. That was because it had real furniture. Not just benches hollowed out of the hole that the rooms were in. There were actual couches, chairs, and tables. There was even a TV! The only place where Skippy thought that there were TVs was a court tree.
Slappy watched Skippy take everything in. He looked very astounded, probably because there wasn't these kinds of things in Nebraska. "Now turn around so I can take a look at ya," she commanded.
Skippy turned around and faced his aunt. Slappy looked at him. He looked quite a bit like her father, his grandfather. Especially that tail! If all that she saw of him was his tail, he might look like her father. She didn't recognize his eyes, though. He probably got his eyes from his father's side.
Skippy, meanwhile, was investigating Slappy. She looked pretty much the same as she had in her cartoons, except that she was older. She didn't really look like his mother. She was skinnier, and sharper, almost. Finally he got the courage to ask her, "So you really didn't want to take me in, did you?"
Slappy shrugged. "You were unexpected. I don't mind, actually. I never pass down a challenge." She smiled. It was the first time Skippy had seen her smile.
"Raising a kid is a challenge?" asked Skippy, raising an eyebrow.
"Just wait till yer a teenager," said Slappy, chuckling a little. "C'mere. I'm starved."
"Ditto," said Skippy. "What's for supper?"
"Well, I was thinking cold mush and rancid water."
"You're joking, aren't you?" asked Skippy, looking a little startled.
Slappy couldn't help but laugh. "Of course! My cooking isn't very good, though; that's what it might taste like."
Keldeo chuckled, "Okay, Slappy is in character."
"But still, we have to acknowledge the fact that Skippy just lost his mom."
As they ate their supper, Skippy asked Slappy, "So what do you want me to call you?"
Slappy raised an eyebrow. If both the squirrels were to go in front of a mirror and raise their eyebrows, then they would discover that they do it almost exactly the same. It was one of their only similarities, looks wise.
"I'm yer Aunt Slappy, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then that's what ya call me, alright?"
"Good. I was worried that you might make me call you Mom." Skippy's face fell slightly.
Slappy sighed. "No, I would not make ya do that. I'm not yer mom."
"I only have one mom, even if she's dead," said Skippy quietly. "I could never call someone else Mom."
"And another thing, Commander seems to know how the chemistry between Skippy and Slappy works. Specifically how Skippy is generally innocent and optimistic but still quite smart for his age."
Slappy took a deep breath. "Skippy, now that yer livin' with me ya might wanna know the number one rule in this house."
"And that is…?" asked Skippy.
"Never, EVER go down into my vault, especially by yerself!"
Skippy's eyes lit up. "Awesome! What's down there?"
"Yer just like I was when I was yer age," said Slappy. "Knowing that, I'm not gonna tell ya, cuz that'd make ya wanna go down there even more."
"Curiosity would send me down there too," said Skippy. "Maybe, if you told me what it was, I wouldn't wanna go down there, since I already knew what it was."
"Touche!"
Slappy sighed. "It's my explosives, alright? And if ya don't know how ta handle them yer liable to kill yerself! And even if ya do mess with them but don't get killed, I'd kill ya myself! Ya got that?"
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna said as she flew by.
"Yes, Aunt Slappy! Where's my room?" asked Skippy, quickly changing the subject.
"C'mon, I'll take ya up there."
"Wow, a real bed and everything!"
"What did you squirrels sleep on in Nebraska, anyway?"
"We had beds made out of leaves and stuff."
"Hmm, no human influence?"
"Oh, is that why they couldn't just get on a train or a bus? Animals can only really do that in Burbank, California where the Warner Bros. Studio has it's Toon influence?"
Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay then. We'll go with that."
"No, I guess not." Skippy pulled the covers down and jumped into bed. "Can you tuck me in, Aunt Slappy?"
"Aaauuggh, the things I hafta put up with." She pulled the covers around him.
"Goodnight, Aunt Slappy," said Skippy.
"Goodnight, Skippy," said Slappy. "Cripes, I'm tired. I think I'll turn in."
Skippy lied down in bed, sadness in his eyes. Slappy saw it. "What's the matter?"
"I miss my mom," whispered Skippy. "Do you… ever miss yours?"
He felt kinda stupid asking her. She probably didn't. She didn't even want him.
He was surprised when she answered, "Sometimes. I've been living without her long enough so I'm kinda used ta it. Yer only six. I would be surprised if ya didn't miss her." Slappy gave him a sideways hug. "Now, go ta sleep."
Skippy snuggled down in the covers, feeling much better.
"So it looks as if Slappy's caring side and grouchy side are in a nice balance, but of course, this is fanfiction, so we do kinda have to dig a little deeper into her psyche."
Slappy sighed. She obviously wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon. There was just too much change happening to her.
~Just give him a chance,~ she thought to herself. ~He obviously misses his mom.~ She sighed again. ~Think about how you would have felt.~
Her mind floated to a memory of when she had left the house. She could see herself, a rebellious eighteen-year-old squirrel. She was hugging her mother.
Her mother looked just like she had always remembered her; young and pretty. Lilac kissed Slappy's forehead. "You be careful out there, okay? I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
Slappy rolled her eyes. "This is what I get for being the oldest!"
Her father then came up to hug her. "Now, you don't do anything you would be ashamed to tell us, okay?"
"If I did, then I wouldn't tell you," laughed Slappy.
Then her twelve-year-old brother Acorn came to tell her goodbye. "I'm glad you're leaving. The tree's gonna be a whole lot quieter with you gone."
"Shut up, Acorn, I'm gonna slug you," said Slappy.
Ten-year-old Samuel then walked over to her. "Yeah, well, when you're gone, Acorn'll be in charge, and that's scary!" he cried.
"Shut up!" said Acorn.
Then Slappy's seven-year-old sister Valerie and her four-year-old brother Pine hugged her. "I'm gonna miss you, Slappy," said Valerie.
"Why do you have to go Slappy?" asked Pine.
"Cause I'm eighteen. When you're eighteen you'll leave-
"EX - PO - SIT- ION! EX - PO - SIT- ION! Rush it out AS -AP!" Keldeo and Munna sang.
Slappy sat up in bed. "I'm never gonna get ta sleep at this rate," she muttered. "It's so hard to realize that all of them are dead!" She closed her eyes.
Keldeo frowned, "Come on, can't we get some jokes around here?"
"What's for breakfast?" asked Skippy.
"Poison," said Slappy, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
That was the first time that Skippy really noticed Slappy's eyes. Her eyes looked just like his mom's!
"It's not really poison, is it?"
"You are so gullible!" she said. "It's nothin special. Just cold cereal."
"What kind of orphanage is this?" asked Skippy.
"You'd b better watch yer mouth."
"It's a hard knock life for us, it's a hard knock life for us…" Skippy started to sing.
"C'mon," muttered Slappy. "Today I'm takin ya ta school."
Skippy looked surprised. "School? But I'm a squirrel!"
"Human influence, remember? The law sez that all children, human or not, hafta go ta school. Now lets go!"
"But I'm not even done eating yet-hey!"
Keldeo chuckled a bit, then he said, "So then we get a a few jokes about going to the doctor and going to school."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!"
"C'mon, it didn't hurt that bad," muttered Slappy.
"Yes it did!" wailed Skippy. He was at that moment in the doctor's office, getting his shots.
"I don't think that one tiny little needle could cause that much pain," said Slappy, chuckling a little.
"Then why don't you get stabbed and find out for yourself!" cried Skippy.
The doctor shrugged. "Not a bad idea, Miss Squirrel. I don't believe that you have had your immunizations."
Slappy gave him an ice-cold stare.
"Well… or maybe we can just forget about it," said the doctor.
"I'd rather not get blown up," Keldeo said, imitating the doctor's voice.
"After that, Skippy goes to the library, where we get a good social commentary on the censoring of cartoons, which seems like a more intelligent version of what they could have actually put in the actual show."
Skippy went through all the boxes filled with cartoons. He had to give them all to the librarian because he couldn't read what they were.
At one Skippy handed her, the librarian said, "Hmm, I think we'd best not watch this one."
"Why not?" asked Skippy.
"They're the restricted cartoons," she said. Then she sighed. "Actually, most of them aren't that bad. It's just society these days restrict almost everything good, but let the very 'mature' things sneak out uncensored."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that they make TV shows filled with drugs, language, violence, and sex, and yet they take these classic cartoons and either censor them down to 2 minutes or ban them completely."
"What's so bad about them?"
The librarian shrugged. "Nothing, really. You have to remember that back when these were made, cartoons were made for adults. Sure there's mild cussing. Sure they smoke. Everyone smoked back then. And violence, too, lots of violence. But they're still classics. They were just made for another time period. I've watched these before. They're not bad at all, really." She started going through these. "You'd be surprised at what all they stuck in here. Disney, Warner Brothers, MGM, Hanna-Barbera, and all those other really famous cartoon names were deemed offensive. I think you could watch them, though. You've probably been exposed to this."
"Well, my aunt Slappy cusses,
"No she doesn't," Keldeo said grumpily.
if that's what you mean," said Skippy, sounding unsure.
"Your aunt Slappy?" said the librarian in shock. "She wouldn't happen to be the Slappy Squirrel from those old cartoons, would she?"
"That's exactly who she is," said Skippy.
The librarian rummaged through the box. "Almost all of her cartoons were stashed in here. They're classics, too! Jeez, I can't believe that old squirrel is still alive."
"Let's watch them quickly," said Skippy. "She thinks I'm at home!"
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by again.
Keldeo stared after her. "Have any of you noticed that she's been doing that a lot more now than in Season Three?" Keldeo asked.
"Well, never-mind that. In the next chapter, we see that Commander added quite a clever little touch to Skippy's personality, in that he made him into a comic book fan and a . . .comic book artist?"
Skippy was turning out to be very much like all the other boys in his class. (About half of the students were humans, while the other half were various animals.) Slappy gave him an allowance and he spent most of it on comic books. Almost every day when he got home he would go up to his room and reread his comic books. He found pencils and paper and drew the pictures, which was even more fun.
Keldeo smiled as he nodded to himself, looking very pleased with this development. "That . . .actually fits Skippy's character very well. I'm actually quite surprised. Too bad they didn't use this in the actual show. The best we got was Hippie Skippy in Woodstock Slappy. Ha-ha."
Unfortunately, he also drew at school when he was supposed to be listening. And he drew all the time at home, so he never had time to get his homework done. Besides, he didn't feel like it.
Ms. Stevens was concerned, however. One day, when once again Skippy didn't have his work done, she said to him, "Skippy, I'd like to see you after school."
Skippy slumped in his chair. A detention! Aunt Slappy was gonna kill him!
When the bell rang and all the students except for Skippy jumped out of their seats and raced home, Skippy looked down at his feet and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, and I'll try harder to do my homework…"
Ms. Stevens sighed. "Skippy, I know you're a very smart boy. When you pay attention, you pick things up very quickly. But when you don't…" She wrote out a note, folded it, and handed it to Skippy. "I want you to give this to your parent and/or guardian as soon as you get home." She blinked. "Parent and/or guardian? Where did that come from?"
Confused Matthew: "Bad writing!"
"Oh brother, quick! We need a funny joke!" Keldeo cried out frantically.
When he got home, he ran into the kitchen, grabbed some chips, and ran straight up to his room, giving Slappy barely any time to ask, "Do ya have any homework?"
"No," he said, and closed his door.
He spent the whole day up there, up until six o'clock, that is.
"Hey Skippy," cried Slappy, "if ya haven't died up there, it's time ta eat!"
"Oh boy!" cried Skippy. He ran down the stairs. "What're we having?"
"Cereal."
"Well, THAT'S creative!"
"Hey, if ya can think of anything better, then you do the cooking."
"Cereal, oh boy! My favorite!"
"I'll take it!" Keldeo said.
"But back to the story, the plot actually acknowledged that Slappy has yet to be truly active in Skippy's upbringing so far."
"Taking him in wasn't as bad as I thought," said Slappy to herself, settling down to read a book. "I hardly notice he's here."
"However, this all changes when his teacher calls Slappy directly."
I gave him a note to give to you, and told him to give it to you as soon as he got home. I even wrote on it to call me and if I didn't get a call by 7:00, I'd call you."
"Aah, blackmail, huh?"
"Call it what you will. Skippy forgot. Just like he forgets to do his homework."
Slappy sighed and rolled her eyes again. "So his grade is pretty bad, right?"
"Right. He's intelligent, but he hardly ever has his homework done. I think we'd better have a parent-teacher conference tomorrow at 3:30."
"Hooray, I'm jumpin' fer joy," muttered Slappy sarcastically. "I've always wanted ta go ta school."
"You've never been to school?"
"No."
"Aaaaaaaah…" Ms. Stevens said slowly. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright. See ya." Slappy hung up the phone and chuckled evilly. "Ooooh, Skippy's in trouble!" she said rather loudly.
"What'd I do?" said Skippy dryly from his room.
Slappy went upstairs and into Skippy's room. Skippy didn't like the way she was just smiling at him, but didn't give it much heed. He was too wrapped up in his comic book!
"That was yer teacher on the phone," said Slappy, still smiling.
Skippy bolted. "Oh s***!"
"Okay, randomly cursing isn't funny! It's like they both have Tourette syndrome!"
"What did you say?" asked Slappy, not smiling anymore.
"HYPOCRISY!" Keldeo cheered with a smile as he reared up on his hindlegs and spread his forelegs wide.
"I said shoot. Uuuuh, I forgot to give you a note-"
"Never mind, she told me everything. Thanks to you, I have a parent-teacher conference tomorrow."
"I'm so sorry! I'll remember ta do my homework!"
"It's too late," said Slappy with an evil grin, and then laughed hysterically.
"It's not funny," said Skippy, sighing unhappily.
Keldeo blinked in confusion. "Where's the joke!? I don't get it! She grins and laughs like a maniac, how is that funny? ANSWER ME!" Keldeo shouted.
"Well, the next chapter- okay, I normally don't comment on chapter names, but for some reason Chapter 6 is called Chapter Without Title. It's literally called that. I don't know why. There's certainly no joke here, so I'm just gonna call it laziness disguised as humor. Anyway, in this chapter, we get two big milestones in the story."
When school got over at 3:20, Slappy was already there. It was a strange contrast; her and all of the young kids racing out of school. (I would have called her old but she has me tied up to a chair writing this and would blow me up with her explosives if I dared hint at that type of thing.)
(Ouch.)
Skippy trudged out of school, feeling as though he had just been sentenced to life in prison. (It's hard to type with burnt, blackened fingers. Please excuse any errors.) He didn't even notice Slappy until he ran right into her.
Keldeo shook his head as he had an incredulous look on his face. "Oh yeah, and that happens. I guess it makes sense that Slappy can break the Fourth Wall. Anyway, the first milestone is Slappy starts to embrace his Toon slapstick heritage by taking a few bombs out of Slappy's vault."
He got up and went downstairs. He had never gone downstairs before, and now seemed like a pretty good time to investigate.
Skippy looked around and saw a small door.
"That must be the vault," he said quietly. Then he laughed. "Some vault that is! It doesn't even have a lock!" He opened the door and stepped inside.
"Wait, wait, wait," Keldeo said, holding up a fore hoof to stop, "So . . . a room full of bombs has no lock? Slappy literally calls it a vault, and she never put an actual lock on it?"
Button Mash: "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?"
"But to be fair, maybe Slappy figured that since she lived alone, they're be no one else there to get at her bombs, so she felt she didn't need to put a lock on it. Then Skippy came in unexpectedly, and she never got around to putting a lock on it. "
Keldeo shrugged, "But I'm just saying, Slappy never struck me as absent minded."
The room was packed with explosives! Skippy had never seen that many in his life! Then again, he had never seen ANY explosives in his life, which made him even more amazed than one with previous exposure would have been.
His eyes suddenly darted to the ceiling, then scanned back and forth, checking for security cameras or anything else that Slappy might have put in there. Seeing none, he grabbed a bomb and put it in his pocket.
Now don't think that he was going to blow up his school or anything.
"Thanks for putting that disturbing thought in our heads," Keldeo said in a dead pan tone.
These were before those things happened that often, and besides, he was a six-year-old boy, the nephew of the Queen of TNT. He just wanted to have it, and, as you will see later in the story, his decision to carry explosives was a wise one.
He took about 5 bombs for himself, then, with sudden realization of what he was doing, he ran out of the vault, slammed the door, raced to his room, and opened a book, hoping to get his mind off of what he had just done.
"The second milestone is Slappy actually starting to be a responsible caregiver."
"Let's get right to the point, Miss Squirrel. Skippy isn't doing his homework, and he also rarely pays attention in class. He's either reading a comic book or drawing."
Slappy scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Then, I'd hafta say that he'd better not bring his comic books ta school."
Ms. Stevens nodded. "But that's only half the problem. What does he do all day at home?"
"He stays up in his room and… reads comic books. But don't ya think there's an easier way than ta take all of his books away?"
"Of course," said Ms. Stevens. "Remember, I'm an experienced teacher, and I've dealt with this problem before. Every day, I will write out an agenda of all Skippy's homework. After school, I will give it to him and have him mark off the ones he has done. When he gets home, you ask to see his agenda, and if he still has work left to do, you have him do it right away."
Slappy nodded. "Sounds good to me."
"Skippy is a very intelligent child. I only hope that this can work out for all three of us."
"All three of us," snorted Slappy. "The question is, did it work out fer me to take him in?"
"I sincerely think so," said Ms. Stevens. "Skippy is a very happy, if somewhat distracted, child."
"Distracted?"
"He has a short attention span."
"Oh," said Slappy. "Well, see ya."
"Good bye, and thanks for coming,"
On the walk home, Slappy couldn't help but sigh. She had thought that she wouldn't really care that much about his grades or anything silly like that. She had been more like, "Alright, I'll take my dead sister's child in, a sister who I didn't even know I had, much less my nephew." She hadn't even thought it was possible that she would feel any motherly affection for him. But…
Adopting him was not what she had expected, she finally decided.
Keldeo tilted his head and smiled. "Aww. That's sweet, but this is the Animaniacs, we need some action here."
The next day was Saturday, and the sun was only partially hidden by clouds, so Skippy decided to take a walk. He scampered and jumped across trees, found various nuts and at them as snacks, and was just generally happy that he was a squirrel and he could enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
While at the park, he noticed an old wolf sitting on a park bench and eating peanuts. Skippy leaped off the tree, brushed himself off, climbed up on his hind legs, and casually strolled over to where he was. Then his eyes grew wide as he looked at the wolf. "Please sir, may I have some?"
The wolf jumped up angrily, surprising Skippy and causing him to jump back. "Listen, squirrel, I don't give food to squirrels!"
A bell sounded in Skippy's brain. "I know! You're Walter Wolf!"
"If Slappy is Bugs Bunny, then Walter is Wile E. Coyote."
"And just how do you know that?" he demanded. "The cartoons I was in are restricted, and with good reason!"
"I watched them at the library. Ha ha! You're such a pushover!"
"I am not! And even so, you're still not getting any of these peanuts!"
"Not even if I showed you this?" asked Skippy, reaching into his pocket and taking out a bomb.
"AARRGHHHH!" screamed Walter in shock. "You're just as bad as Slappy!"
"More like just as good," said Skippy, grinning. "I know how to control my enemies."
"I think that you've been watching those cartoons for too long!" cried Walter.
"Oh no!" cried Skippy, shaking his head. "If I only watched her cartoons, then I wouldn't have access to any bombs. But lets say that I lived with her… that she was my aunt…"
"Slappy's your AUNT?" cried Walter in rage.
"Uh huh," Skippy nodded. "Although I'm sorry to say that she is much more knowledged in the art of blowing wol-HEY!"
Walter grabbed Skippy and ran him straight towards his house. Once he got him there, he tied him up to a chair with strong rope and gagged him. "Well, looks like you've caught me," came Skippy's muffled reply.
"What a brilliant plan!" laughed Walter. "I'll write a ransom note to Slappy and when she comes to rescue you, I'll blow her up!" He quickly wrote a note and left the house.
~This gives me plenty of time to work up a plan,~ thought Skippy. He wasn't really frightened. He knew, both from watching the cartoons and from Slappy's brief mentions of Walter, that he was a few tacos short of a platter.
Keldeo smiled and said, "Yeah, it's pretty clear that Walter is totally doomed."
Slappy, unaware of what had just happened, was sitting in her living room, reading the paper. Three knocks sounded at the door.
Slappy sighed and got up. "Goody, I get to buy more fun-filled items from Boy Scout Troop 3179 for their fund-raiser to go to Abu Dhabi."
"You remind me of a very old Garfield," Keldeo quipped.
By that time she was at the door. When she opened it, however, there was no one there. The only thing that was there was a note.
Slappy sighed, picked it up, and read it aloud. "Dear Slappy, I have taken your nephew. If you can find me, I will return him to you unharmed, as long as you don't bring any explosives. But you won't find me. You will never find me! I am untraceable! Sincerely, Walter Wolf."
"Now how does that make any sense?" Keldeo asked, "If Walter wants to lure Slappy in to blow her up, why is he going on about how hidden he is? Isn't that like:"
Jessie: "Alirght, Twerp! If you ever wanna see Iris alive again. . ."
James: "You have to bring your Pikachu to a secret location."
Meowth: "That's right!"
Ash: "Okay. Where's the location?"
Meowth: "It's a secret!"
Ash: "Okay, so where is it?"
Meowth: "We won't tell you! You'll never find it!"
Ash: ". . . I thought you wanted Pikachu?"
Jessie: "We do!"
Ash: "Then tell me where the location is!"
James: "Never!"
Ash: "You guys have sure gotten stupid since Black and White."
Slappy sighed. "Listen, Walter, even if ya hadn't signed the note I would've recognized yer ridiculous plan anyway. I guess I hafta go and get Skippy."
She went downstairs into her vault and started putting some items into her purse. "Hmm, that one's good, ooh yes, definitely that one. Hey, wait a minute, didn't I have five of these?" She looked around. "Oooh, I swear that once I rescue that kid I'm gonna kill him. I told him not ta come down here!"
She picked up some more explosives. She wasn't all that worried about Skippy. First of all, he was pretty self-reliant and could easily think of some way to foil Walter's plan. Secondly, she knew that Walter's elevator didn't reach the top floor. "Even a bozo could get out of Walter's clutches. But Skippy's new at the business. He might need some help."
"Now although it would be nice to see Slappy concerned and worried about Skippy, you gotta remember exactly what kind of character Slappy is. She's a grouchy curmudgeon, but cares about Skippy at heart. Plus, it's clear that Skippy isn't in any real danger."
Walter then flung the door open. "You're aunt's never gonna find you!" he laughed. "That note was completely anonymous!"
Keldeo mouth hung open. "You signed it 'Sincerely, Walter Wolf'! How is that anonymous? And I thought you wanted Slappy to find Skippy? How stupid are you?!"
"Well, luckily, Skippy isn't stupid, and he tries to trick Walter into letting him go."
"Sorry to burst your bubble, Walter, but even if she could find me, she wouldn't."
"What? Why not?"
"Because Aunt Slappy hates me! The only reason she took me in was… well, my mom was her favorite sibling and when she died, she wanted to honor her memory, I guess. She thought I'd be just like her. But when she found the truth, she made me do chores day and night!"
"Well… she'll want you back to do the chores, right?"
"Wrong. She says I'm… expendable." Skippy had learned that word in school and was glad he found a way to use it. Now all Skippy had to do was wait and see if Walter was as gullible as Slappy said he was. If he was, then he might let him go. But if he wasn't…
Skippy breathed a sigh of relief when Walter said, "Of course! Why didn't I figure it out sooner? Slappy couldn't care less about anyone or anything!"
"Right!" cried Skippy triumphantly. "Now let me go."
"No," said the wolf with a snarl, "you've been too much trouble. I think I'll just blow you up." He grabbed a bomb from his pocket, lit it, and threw it at Skippy.
Keldeo nodded gravely. "It begins," he said seriously.
WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 0
Skippy took a good look at the bomb. The fuse was very long and slow to burn. Skippy bent down his head, picked up the bomb in his mouth, and flung his head back, then forward, so that the bomb flew towards Walter.
BOOM!
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 1
"Ouch," moaned Walter. Then he glared at Skippy. "Why you-"
"Just a minute, Walter," said Skippy. "I know what your problem is. And I can help you."
"You can?" asked Walter.
"Yeah, but you'll need to untie my arms."
Walter looked a little suspicious, but obediently untied Skippy's arms. Skippy reached into his pocket. "You need short fused bombs. Here, try it out."
Walter eagerly snatched the bomb from the young squirrel and lit it. "Wow, that really is-"
BOOM!
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 2
"Alright, that was blackmail!" cried Walter, burnt to a crisp.
"I think someone doesn't know the exact definition of blackmail."
"No, you're doing it wrong. Give me a match and I'll show you."
"Here! Take it!" cried Walter, throwing him a match. Skippy caught it in his teeth.
"What you have to do," he explained, taking a bomb out, "is throw it almost immediately after you light it. Watch." Skippy lit the match, lit the bomb, and immediately threw it at Walter.
BOOM!
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 3
Walter stumbled backwards in pain. "That's it, you little son of a-"
"Don't you dare insult my mother!"
"-I've had just about enough from you." He grabbed one of his own bombs (with a long fuse, you know) and some rope. He sloppily retied Skippy's lower arms to the chair, lit the bomb, and placed it under the chair. "Long fuse or not, there's no way you're getting out of this one!"
Skippy closed his eyes, as if in deep thought. Actually, he was petrified with fear, but he didn't want Walter to know that. How could he get out of this one? What would Aunt Slappy do?
Skippy opened his eyes. He slouched in his chair slightly. Then finally, in a bored sort of voice, he said, "Hey Walter, you forgot to light it."
"I did not!"
"Did to. See for yourself."
As Walter knelt down to investigate, Skippy, using all his strength, managed to hop a couple of feet away.
Of course, no fuse is TOO long.
BOOM!
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 4
"Alright! That's it! No more! You'll blow up the Wah-Wah Machine!" Keldeo cried out.
"Mommy, make it stop," whimpered the unlucky wolf.
"So, of course, Slappy finally shows up and quote-unquote 'rescues' Skippy."
"Good evenin', Walter," greeted Slappy, tossing a bomb up and down in her right paw.
"She also breaks the conditions of the ransom note, but it's not like Walter was a threat to begin with."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TAKE HIM BACK! I DON'T CARE ABOUT BLOWING YOU OR HIM UP! JUST GET THIS MONSTER OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
"Stop yellin', that's what I'm here for." Slappy opened her purse and searched through it. "D***, I thought I had it with me! Walter, do you have a knife? I need to cut Skippy out of his bindings."
"Whatever you say!" cried Walter, running to the kitchen. He scrambled back out with a large butcher knife.
Slappy's eyes grew a bit wider with mild surprise. "Hmm, that'll do." She cut Skippy's ropes off very quickly. She then grabbed his wrist and said, "See ya later," to Walter, and dashed away from the house.
"Aunt Slappy," panted Skippy, trying to keep up with his aunt, "why are we running so fast?"
"Because I put a-"
BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
The force of the explosion from Walter's house was so great Skippy and Slappy were blasted in the air for a few seconds, then hit the ground and shielded their heads to protect them from the flying debris.
Once the noise had quieted down some, Slappy finished her sentence. "I put a very small yet very powerful bomb on his knife. It's so small, ya can't even see it unless ya know what ta look fer."
"Will it kill him?"
"Oh no, of course not. I don't kill." Slappy grinned. "It will hurt him, though."
"So . . . a huge explosion can't kill anyone, but a car can?" Keldeo asked, trying hard to make sense of it. "Well, my best guest is that a Toon can only be killed by something that isn't funny. Being blown up by a bomb is really just classic cartoon slapstick, but getting hit by a car isn't really all that funny. Sure, getting run over is sometimes funny in certain cartoons, like Yosemite Sam cartoons, but since it wasn't played for laughs here. . ." Keldeo held his head with his fore hooves, "Ugh, my head. Moving on."
The two squirrels stood up and dusted themselves off. "Let's go home," said Slappy. "Look how low the sun is. I'm gettin tired."
"You were right," said Skippy. "Walter IS a pushover."
"Wasn't it obvious?" laughed Slappy.
"He was so gullible. I only had to actually use my own bombs twice."
"You mean MY bombs."
"Ooohhhh…"
"Skippy, when we get home, there's gonna be hell ta pay."
"So you actually went through all that trouble, just ta rescue me?"
"Trouble? It was no trouble at all. Besides, yer werth it." Slappy gave Skippy an affectionate smile.
"Really?"
"Yeah. And by the way, gimme the rest of my bombs back."
Skippy and Slappy. The two squirrels that dominated over all. And Skippy couldn't have felt better. He had successfully defeated a foe single-handedly! Well, almost single-handedly. And his Aunt Slappy actually liked him!
His mom would sure be proud of him!
THE END
"Ehhh, I guess she would be proud of him. I mean, she loved him, so she'd probably support him in whatever he does. Eh, whatever. That was Skippy's Story, and I have to say, the Commander really did capture the essence of the Animaniacs in this story. Sure, the beginning part was kind of sad and depressing, but come on, Skippy's parents had to have died in order for him to be living with his aunt, so of course its gonna be sad. Sure, it was a bit overdone, but to be fair, I actually kind of respect that. And the actual show could sometimes be depressing too. Seriously, check out One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock."
"Also, I like how Skippy was written in this. It felt like we got a real good look at the fun little kid Skippy is. Reading comic books and drawing, and following in his aunt's foot steps, of course. This felt ever bit like an actual episode of the Animaniacs, and being like the source material is the highest honor you can give to any fanfic."
Keldeo smiled broadly as he declared, "And you know something else? As of right now, I, Keldeo the Critic, am accepting this fanfic as my definitive head-canon of how Skippy came to live with Sla-"
"NOT SO FAST!"
Keldeo turned around fast to see Spike the Snob running over to him.
"Spike the Snob? What are you doing here?" Keldeo asked.
"I'm stopping you from making a BIG mistake," Spike said.
Keldeo groaned, "Well, you're kinda too late, Spike. If I want to review something other than Pokemon fanfiction, then I-."
"No, no, no; that's not it! I mean . . . Skippy's Story is weak!" Spike said.
"Huh?" Keldeo said.
Spike face palmed and took out a tablet. "Look, you can't accept this shallow, cheerful, candy coated story as your personally head-canon when this is a way better choice."
Fate
By: Skiptastic
We do not choose how life plays out, and change is something we must accept, but no one said you had to do it gracefully. Skippy Squirrel learns that when one thing changes, a wave of it will follow. Left on his own, the young boy's fate is decided by that of an aunt he never knew existed. Yeah, you know how it'll end, but the journey might be fun.
Keldeo nodded, "Okay . . . so you think this story it's better?"
"Better? It blows Skippy's Story out of the water. That story sucks compared to Fate!" Spike said.
"Hey, you can't insult that story like that! It's a good story! It's-"
"Kid stuff."
"Kid stuff!? Skippy's mother dies!"
"In a pretty stupid sounding way. And it's pretty much just glanced over. Skippy gets over it waaaaay too fast!"
"That's just how Skippy is! He's just really optimistic. And he does take a while to get over it! The first chapters show him being sad, but because he's still got his Aunt Slappy, he's able to recover."
"But he- aaaaarrrgh!" Spike growled and rubbed his face, "Ya know what? How about instead of arguing back and forth, let's settle this the Critician way."
Keldeo raised an eyebrow, "You want to do a crossover review of Fate by Skiptastic?"
"Yep!" Spike replied.
Keldeo looked unsure, "Well, I don't know. I mean, two non-Pokemon reviews in a row? It might be too soon for that-."
"Chicken," Spike said with a smirk.
Keldeo stomped the ground hard and said, "Oh, I'm stopping you right there! I'll review it!"
"That's right. And then, you will finally see how much better it really is. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Spike laughed maniacally.
Keldeo stared at him and said, "What's with the maniacal laughing?"
THE END
Credits
Slappy Squirrel Intro Version 1- Warner Brothers
The Animaniacs- Episode 83: One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock
Special Thanks
thatdragonwiththetophat- creator of Spike the Snob
Confused Matthew
Mandopony