The show! Will! Go! On!
Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.
Keldeo the Critic
Season 4 Episode 3: Fate by Skiptastic
"So, of course, Slappy heads over to pick up Skippy," Keldeo said.
Slappy had worked in Hollywood long enough to know when someone was acting and everything about this woman screamed rehearsed. The squirrel did have to give her credit for the performance though as it did look genuine for a second. It even managed to relax her, as if she was on some set in Burbank filming another cartoon.
"Oh, you must be Skippy's aunt?"
"What gave it away, the bushy tail or the fur?" she asked, finding that being in the presence of a fellow actress had restored her to her usual self.
Keldeo stomped and said, "Okay, I gotta address something right now. Why is this story treating this lady like she's a terrible person?"
Spike blinked and said, "Well, she's been deceiving Skippy and putting up fake emotions."
"What else is she supposed to do!?" Keldeo explained, "It's her job to keep kids who's parents have been killed calm. She has to put on a happy face in order to help them out. What's the alternative? A stone faced grumpy jerk? A sobbing mess that just gives out hugs? I'm pretty sure she's doing a good enough job."
"So you said you wanted to look after Skippy until we could find a foster home for him, yes?"
"Uh . . . yeah, is that alright?" the squirrel asked, unsure as to why her approval mattered.
"Oh yes, it happens more often than you'd think, though most of the time the child and adult usually bond and stay together after we've found the family. It's touching, certainly, but a wee bit annoying." She held up her right hand and scrunched the tip of her index finger and thumb close together, the universal sign of a smidge.
"Well, I ain't the parenting type so ya don't have ta worry about that happening."
"Oh, that's what they all say." She waved her hand in the air to dismiss the notion.
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna cheered.
Spike smacked her out of the way.
"You know, I am so glad you're here," Keldeo said with a sly smile.
"For a human kid of Skippy's age it's roughly two to three weeks, but for a 'toon it's usually a bit longer. I'd say a month, maybe a month and a half. Keep in mind though this is just a guess and that we can't say for certain Skippy will get adopted that quickly." Slappy nodded, her stomach dropping when she learned she'd be playing role model for double the time she'd expected. "That won't be a problem, will it?"
"No . . . no, I was just curious."
"Yeah, Slappy is way more morally superior than this woman!" Keldeo said.
Portal 2 Announcer: "Sarcasm Self Test Complete."
"So Slappy and Skippy finally meet," Spike said.
People had asked him questions about the scene in his room, but he was able to sell an "I have no idea" answer. They were forced to believe him solely on the basis that the only thing he could've used to smash the television was the untouched chair underneath it, too large and heavy for him to even move, let alone slam into a television over and over. He had still received a few unsavory little glances and his ears burned as they whispered his name, but he'd still gotten away with it, which was all the really mattered.
"Really? They find a Toon, a TOON, in a room with a smashed TV, and they can't put two and two together out he's the one who did it?" Keldeo asked in disbelief.
"Well, they didn't think he was an Archtoon," Spike explained.
Keldeo cocked his head, "What? Did you say 'an Archtoon'?"
"Shh! Just keep watching!" Spike said.
The television, its screen broken and shattered, was covered in bumps and welts. Having used countless mallets over the past few decades Slappy could instantly recognize its work, but while she could tell what tool was used she could not figure out exactly how. Skippy, only ten years old and having not attended a school like Acme Loo, should not have been able to grab one from hammerspace like an archtoon could. However, the signs pointed to him, from the amateurish and random placement of his hits to how the top of the television, obviously too high for him, went unscathed. She wanted to ask how he'd pulled it off, but decided it'd make for a better conversation if it was just between them on the car ride back to her home. Plus it would be a nice way to kill the silence that would no doubt fill the car during the two hour drive.
"Wait, so, not all Toons can do Toony things like take stuff out of hammerspace?" Keldeo asked.
"Exactly!" Spike said, "Isn't this lore so awesome!"
"Uh, no. It's needlessly complicated. I mean, a Toon is a Toon is a Toon," Keldeo replied.
"Aw, come on, Keldeo. Of course not all cartoon characters can do really crazy stuff like pull things out of nowhere," Spike replied.
Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay, fine. I'll go with it."
"Right. So Skippy notices how Slappy actually looks a lot like his mom, a big difference from Skippy's Story," Spike said bitterly.
"HOLD IT!"
"Well in Skippy's Story, Slappy notices how Skippy resembles her father!" Keldeo countered.
"Holy guacamole, can we please move on with the story!?" Spike complained.
"Fine. So after Slappy thinks of ways for her to use him-" Keldeo began.
"OBJECTION!"
"She does not want to use him, Keldeo!" Spike objected, "She wants to use it as a way to form a connection with him!"
Slappy became more and more relaxed at the thought of looking after an archtoon, actually beginning to feel a connection with the kid. Who better to teach him how to control himself and utilize his true potential than her, a well-seasoned cartoon veteran? Finding something in common somehow managed to change her entire outlook on the situation, and as she pulled onto the highway she glanced at the soundly sleeping squirrel with a newfound ease. Despite that, Slappy could tell Linda was right. This was a very critical situation and screwing up meant more than just failing herself. Skippy was a grieving child whose emotions could easily get the better of him. That was bad enough without adding in the unnatural talents he possessed, but those made it a whole other ball game.
"Slappy's taking everything into account in order to figure out how to take care of Skippy the best way she can. And she really does care about his well being!" Spike said.
Slappy drove down the highway in silence, nervously glancing at her nephew every few minutes from the corner of her eyes. It was obvious from his appearance that he hadn't done much for the past few days except for sleeping and crying. His fur was unkempt and tangled in several places, his tail had lost its poof, and she could almost see his ribcage under the fur, which probably explained the constant rumbling from his stomach. She vowed to make him eat at the next food joint she saw, even if it was under his constant protest. Anything was better than staring at this pile of bones and fur clumped up in the seat beside her. Slappy may have just met him, but seeing her nephew in such a bad state was still a hard sight.
"So there! Slappy does not want to use Skippy for anything!" Spike concluded smugly.
Keldeo stared at Spike for a moment, then he said, "I thought you didn't like Phoenix Wright?"
Spike gained a nervous look and his eyes darted around nervously, "Oh, um, I, well, I just got caught up in it, okay!"
Keldeo sighed and said, "Fine, whatever. Oh, an by the way: darn this somber tone! This is an Animaniacs fanfic! It's supposed to be a comedy show! Even One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock had humor! I need something funny! Anything!"
"What's say we stop and get some food, huh? We need to talk about how we're going to get this under control." Slappy pulled onto the closest off-ramp before Skippy could even form an answer, cutting off a few cars that started honking as they passed by. Slappy instinctively lifted her left hand to them, ready to extend her finger and flick them off. She stopped after remembering the presence of a young and impressionable boy sitting beside her, who had already shown his violent side. Her fist reluctantly turned into a wave of apology as the cars continued to honk, one even giving her the gesture she had originally wanted to use as it passed them by. She pretended not to notice and glanced at Skippy, hoping he hadn't seen it or, if he had, wouldn't question the meaning behind it.
Unfortunately the young squirrel was returning it right back at the man, evoking a strange mix of laughter and disapproval from the grey squirrel. Slappy tried not to laugh, but it broke through her resistance and left her in a small fit of hysterics. Her left hand dropped from the air and returned to the wheel, steading her grip before they got into an accident.
"Oh, to heck with you, you have Skippy give someone the middle finger? What the hay's wrong with you?" Keldeo said in a offended tone.
His jaw dropped when he heard her laugh, how similar it was to his mother's own laughter. Without warning his eyes started to water, tears on the verge of spilling. He furiously rubbed at them, not wanting Slappy to notice. He had cried in front of enough people for his lifetime, and her pity would only make him angrier. "Stop," he said, crossing his arms and turning back to the window of the car. Slappy's laugher died, along with a bit of her joy, and she continued searching for a place to stop and eat.
"Oh, and it wasn't even an actual joke. Of for the love of biscuits, SHOW ME SOMETHING FUNNY ALREADY!" Keldeo exclaimed.
"Sheesh . . ." Spike said.
Despite her original belief, Slappy found that her nephew was very eager to get food into his stomach, quickly tearing into anything set down in front of him with the ferociousness of a Doberman. "Slow down before ya choke kiddo," she recommended. Skippy looked up at her, a burger clutched in his hands as if he was afraid someone would try to separate him from it.
"You know, this is so awful. . . I'll take it!" Keldeo said.
"So, if you know I smashed the television, why aren't you taking me back? Or are you doing that after you feed me?" he asked, realizing he no longer wanted the uncomfortable silence that was unavoidable with pouting.
"But I thought you were just a kid, one without a mallet on hand?" she smugly replied, taking a swig from her own drink. Skippy grimaced, forgetting in his feral eating that their conversation never officially reached a verdict on what had happened.
He debated on whether or not he should tell her, after all this was one of his longest and most well-kept secrets, one he was afraid would scare people away. He knew 'toons could produce mallets, but he'd never heard of a child doing it. Despite that, he was curious as to how someone would react if they found out, what questions they might ask or answers they could give. Was he supposed to be able to do this, to pull things from out of nowhere like Bugs Bunny or his aunt? Deciding that she might be able to offer up some answers, he sighed and summed it up. "I reached behind my back and grabbed it, like you do." He demonstrated by eating the fries and placing his arm behind his back, but as he expected it came up empty when he pulled it back. Slappy looked at him, confused. The brown squirrel sensed the next question and offered a quick explanation before she could ask. "I can only do it when I'm mad."
"So who taught you how to do it?" she asked, sad to learn that his mother had let someone else teach him the things she easily could have.
"No one, I just kind of learned it myself." Slappy nodded and went silent. The brown squirrel sat there for a few moments, waiting for her next question. He picked up what remained of his burger and finished it off while she remained quiet, obviously deep in thought. Slappy was aware that it wasn't unheard of for a toon to develop minor hammerspace abilities without proper teaching, but even then it was usually in their adult years, far too late to utilize its full potential. Rare cases had been reported about some developing in teen years, but never had a toon as young as Skippy been able to use hammerspace, at least not without proper teaching and guidance, not to mention the outrageously priced schools they had to be sent to. Skippy somehow had access to this ability without prior training, and all on his own. Sure, it still evaded him by only working when he was angry but it was really there, ready to be honed and nourished and strengthened. Of course it wasn't her decision to make on whether or not he was trained to be an archtoon, it was his, and the next and last question followed.
"Do you want to learn more?"
Skippy had been staring out the window when the question was asked and quickly turned to her with a puzzled look on his face. "What do you mean?"
"Do you want to learn how to grab that mallet, or anything else, from hammerspace whenever you wanted? I can teach you how if you'd like."
Darth Vader: "you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy."
Spike nodded, "I'm pretty sure we all saw that coming."
"Yes. And now, we get what might be the best line in the entire fanfic," Keldeo said excitedly.
"Yes, I'd like to learn how." Skippy replied, imagining what he'd be capable of after a few sessions with her. "But if this is some way of trying to get me to forgive you about getting rid of me soon, know that I will never forgive you, or consider you a part of my family." With that cold statement, and a small fire in his eyes, the squirrel grabbed his tray of ravaged food and slid out of the booth, walking to the trash can by the door and dumping the wrappers and containers into it.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Keldeo and Spike shouted.
FPS Doug: "BOOM, HEADSHOT!"
Mortal Combat Voice: "Fatality."
Slappy nodded and slid out of the booth, disregarding her tray and leaving it at the table. She was impressed at how Skippy had correctly inferred her intentions, now certain that his intelligence was probably what contributed to his hammerspace ability. Still, she'd hoped he'd been more grateful about her offer, even if it was for selfish purposes. The grey squirrel followed her nephew out the door and towards the car, silent as the grave. It wasn't often people could predict Slappy or her plans, and somehow Skippy, naïve to her world and only a child, was able to do just that. She hoped he wasn't as stubborn as she was and that, after some time, he'd come around and find a small part that wanted to forgive her.
"Or you could just adopt him, but that would be unthinkable," Keldeo remarked.
Portal 2 Announcer: "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."
"You live in a tree?" the young squirrel finally managed to ask, fumbling with his seatbelt. Indeed a tree was resting directly in front of them, complete with a few windows and a blue door cut into the front.
"Well I am a squirrel," she replied, watching him jump out of the car. "Why, were you expecting something different?"
"But you said . . ." Skippy abruptly paused, deciding that there was no point in arguing over a temporary home. In a month he'd be watching it disappear in the rearview mirror of a car just as he had with the streets of Burbank. "At least tell me it's bigger on the inside?" He jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut before passing Slappy as he approached the front door.
"A lot of archtoons have hammerspace installed into their homes, so thankfully yes, yes it is."
"Insert clever Doctor Who joke here," Spike and Keldeo said in deadpanned unison.
"So Slappy makes Skippy wash up, and we get another poor attempt at comedy," Keldeo said.
Slappy was standing in the doorway of Skippy's room when he walked out of the bathroom, his fur shining and groomed. "Hey, have you seen my nephew Skippy? He's about yay high," she held her hand at the tip of his head. "He has a big poufy tail, sharp buckteeth and a frown permanently carved into his face." Skippy looked at her, as usual still not amused. Some miracles even a hot shower couldn't work, and one of those was making his aunt humorous.
"How do you fail so badly to the point where you make Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel not funny!?" Keldeo said.
"This is NOT a comedy!" Spike exclaimed.
"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer said before flying off.
Spike stared after him. "That guy is creepy."
"I had this on the dresser in my room and thought you might like it." She walked across the room and handed it to him. Skippy glanced from her to the photo, feeling the wind get knocked out of him when he saw his mother. "Sorry I don't have anything more recent, but it's the last photo she ever sent me." Skippy stared at the picture, tracing her outline with his finger. He hadn't realized how foggy his memory of her had become, his mind so clouded by negativity the last few days that he barely recognized her. Everything about her seemed strange, from the look in her eyes to the way she was smiling. He could feel tears forming behind his eyes and did his best to fight them, sensing that it was a losing battle. "I thought you'd like to keep it in your room and make the place a little less empty. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, and I do mean it this time." She rubbed his head and Skippy . . . did nothing to stop her. Slappy deserved that one, just as she deserved what followed.
"Thank you," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. The grey squirrel stiffened, clearly taken by surprise.
"Yeah, no problem Skippy," she gave him a smile that resembled the one in the picture and walked back out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Keldeo smiled, "Now, that's a nice, touching moment. It's sweet, and it's true to the characters."
Keldeo continued to smile, then frowned and said, "How does Skiptastic mess it up?"
Slappy walked by him and into the kitchen, expecting a large mess of flour and broken eggs. To her surprise the kitchen was still in one spotless piece, the only change from last night being the plate of pancakes on the table, still warm from being made. The pans had been cleaned, the oven was off, the milk and eggs were back in the fridge, and the bags of flour and sugar placed right where they belonged in the cupboard. Skippy obviously knew how to clean up after himself, not leaving a trace behind. "Are you really hungry enough to eat the rest of these?"
"I didn't know if you'd want any, so I made a few extra!"
Slappy had to shake her head in disbelief, "You made me breakfast?" she asked.
Skippy bit his lip and tried to think of some excuse, not wanting to admit that he was on the fence about how to feel towards her. "They're so I don't owe you for bringing me that picture last night." He explained, satisfied with the answer.
"Yeah, um, how does the song go, again?" Keldeo asked.
Warner Trio: "She lives with her nephew, he says 'spew,' he's cheerful."
"Keldeo, what part of 'this is a prelude' don't you understand?" Spike said impatiently.
"Fine! So then we get into Slappy's archtoon hammerspace training. Is that like an archfiend? Is he gonna Synchro Summon a Red Dragon Archtoon? Does he have the Mark of the Crimson Toon on his arm?" Keldeo said.
"I've gotten nowhere in the last hour, and now my hand feels like it's attached to my back!" he whined, walking to and collapsing on the couch.
"You expect it was gonna be easy?" Slappy asked.
"I expect a little help from my famous cartoon star of an au . . . guardian, but you just stood in the corner like a lazier Mr. Miyagi!" Skippy cupped his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath. "I mean, I'm doing everything you're telling me to. Why isn't it working?" he questioned, dragging his hands down his face.
Slappy laughed and approached the couch, "Kid, if it was that easy everyone would be an archtoon. Besides, ya can't expect results on your first day." She sat down, giving him a good cushion of space as she knew he'd want. "But hey, you're pretty smart. I'd place my money on you having it down in a week, tops."
"Stop!" Skippy shouted, jumping off the couch and taking a few steps back.
"Stop what?" she asked, slinking into the couch like a scolded child.
"Stop acting like I'm this great and amazing kid, stop acting like you're this unbelievably nice woman!" he gripped the fur on top of his head and pulled in exasperation. "You don't like me and believe it or not I'm fine with that, and I can even stomach that you're getting rid of me in a month. But stop pretending that you care about me or my mom because I'm starting to believe it and that makes the thought of being dragged away in a few weeks so much harder!" the young squirrel shouted, gritting his teeth and hoping that he was imagining the sensation of tears rolling down his flustered face. He rubbed at his eyes in an effort to hold back tears, but it only prolonged them by an extra second. "Why?" he asked, debating on whether he was trembling in fury or sadness. Slappy sat there, buried deep in the couch with a dumbfounded look and what appeared to be her own tears building up. "Why did my mom say you were dead? Why didn't you even send a letter or call? Why didn't you try to apologize and make up?" he asked, fighting the urge to run to his temporary room.
"You don't think I tried!" she shouted back, making him flinch in fear. This was the very first time she'd raised her voice at him and it proved more frightening than his stubborn and angry attitude could handle. "You think I was avoiding you two, that I hated you?" she asked. Suddenly Skippy felt like he was three inches tall, being scolded by an angry teacher, which was actually surprisingly accurate. He stared over Slappy's shoulder at nothing and nodded as his trembling subsided and the last of his tears fell. "Try the other way around. I sent cards every birthday and holiday and hoped they were being sent to the right address, called every Sunday for three months until she changed the number! Don't stand there and yell at me for not trying when I did the best I could." She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face into her palms, sighing.
"So don't blame me! Blame your evil mother!" Keldeo spat bitterly.
"What is wrong with you Keldeo? For nearly the entire review you've been complaining and nitpicking this story! Can't you just at least try to take in the emotional weight of this scene?" Spike said.
"Big deal! They're yelling at each other! I expected this to happen a while ago!" Keldeo exclaimed.
"How about you listen to why Skippy's mother hid Slappy from him," Spike suggested.
"Well, first you gotta know that my parents hated me. I know it may sound like an exaggeration, but they really did. They never said it out loud, but I could tell from how they looked at me, from the way they shook their heads and the disappointment in their eyes when I told them I was going to be an archtoon. Mom didn't like my abilities because they weren't ladylike," Slappy stuck her tongue out at the word, showing her disgust at it.
"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," Keldeo muttered.
Skippy laughed at how ridiculous she appeared as a small smile formed across his face, one he didn't waste a second thought on. She nearly fell off the bed at the sound of his laughter and sight of a smile, but steadied herself. "And Dad didn't feel I deserved them, that I must've used some sort of steroid that I'm ninety percent sure doesn't exist.
"Behold! The bad parents tropes! The most lazy backstory in the entire history of fiction!" Keldeo declared.
"Why do you hate this story so much!?" Spike exclaimed.
"I don't hate it. I just think it's flawed. I'm a critic, so I have to criticize and scrutinize! If something's flawed, I have to bring it up. It's my job. I'm sorry if my job offends you."
"But you're not being fair! You're only focusing on the bad things! And maybe the bad parents trope is used a lot, but don't you think it works here?" Spike asked.
Keldeo sighed, "I guess you're right. But you shouldn't get offended just because I don't like something you like. Remember your Land Before Time review with Ryu Taylor the Ferret."
"Oh yeah, I guess you're right," Spike said.
"Good, so let's move on."
So I left home and moved here, looking for a job with Time Warner. I stayed in touch with your mom over the years, but I didn't share a single word with my parents. A few years later they died and I missed both funerals, which was the last straw for her."
Skippy looked over to the picture of his mother, wondering how he'd never notice such a large grudge buried beneath the surface. Slappy, possibly thinking the same, turned to the picture as well. "I'm starting to think stubbornness runs in the family." Skippy muttered.
"Yeah, it does." Slappy confirmed, turning back to him. "And it's strong enough to tear families apart."
"You can add that onto the Wheel of Morality," Spike said with a smile.
"So, as a piece offering, Slappy gives Skippy one of her mallets and gives him a chance to smash one of her Toon awards," Keldeo said thouhgtfully, "Which, is actually a very clever scene. Really, this was really written pretty well."
"Holding onto anger can tear us apart Skippy, so work out your aggression out on this thing before it works itself out on you." She gestured to the small trinket in front of his feet. "Hey, this'll probably speed up your training. Two birds with one large blunt wooden instrument." She took a step back and crossed her arms, waiting for him to tear apart her award. Skippy gulped and looked down at the mallet in his hand, then turned his gaze to his aunt. The grey squirrel appeared uneasy standing by and allowing him the opportunity to destroy what was probably one of her most valuable possessions, even if it was one of many. For a moment he considered actually doing it, slamming the large object down and listening as it crunched or shattered or rang. He couldn't tell what it was made of so he didn't know how it would break, but that didn't matter because in the end it came down to one simple fact.
"I . . . can't break your award." He said, as surprised as she was. "I'm not really mad at you anymore. You did the best you could, but my mom was just too stubborn, like I've been the last few days. I'm over it now though, and this isn't something I want to do." He groaned and flipped the mallet around, holding the handle out to her.
"You sure kid?" Slappy asked, grabbing it from him. She opened the green purse that hung from her shoulder and placed the entire mallet in it with ease. Skippy wondered what else she kept in that purse.
He nodded, "Yeah, I think I've had a bit too much of anger, at least for a week or two." Skippy kneeled to the ground and picked up the chalice, adjusting it to inspect the engraving. "Best Female Cartoon Star of 1979? You were really willing to let me smash this?" he questioned, rising back up with the award in hand.
"Hey, you mean more to me than some crummy little award from a decade ago." She rubbed his head, "Well, a little more." She teased, turning to the door. Skippy followed her out of the room and down the stairs, the chalice gripped securely in his hand as he planned on returning it to its resting place.
"And that was Fate, and let me tell you: It's got some big problems. But I do have to give it credit that it was-" Keldeo began.
"Uh, actually Keldeo, the fanfic isn't over yet," Spike interjected.
Keldeo looked surprised. "How much longer is this fanfic?"
"There's still one full chapter left."
"You mean an Epilogue, right?"
"No, an actual full length chapter."
"A full length chapter!?" Keldeo said in shock, "We have a full chapter left to go?! What else do we have to do? Show Frodo going to the Great Havens?!"
"Well, Slappy still hasn't officially permanently adopted Skippy yet," Spike explained.
Keldeo moaned, "Fine! Let's just get it over with already!"
Suddenly, a black circle fell out of the sky and landed on the rock platform right in front of the reviewers.
They stared at it in confusion.
"Where did that come from?" Spike asked.
Suddenly, out of the black circle jumped Slappy the Squirrel herself!
"WHAAAAA-!?" Keldeo exclaimed.
"SWEET CELESTIA!" Spike exclaimed.
Slappy adjusted her hat, and then took a look at Keldeo and Spike. "You remind me of a very young Princess Wysteria and Master Kenbroath Gilspotten Heathspike," she remarked.
"Hey, I'm a guy!" Keldeo said indignantly, "And how'd you even get here?"
Slappy pointed at the black circle on the ground and said, "Portable Hole. Standard equipment for a Toon of my caliber. Now, as fer you, Keldo, I've been watching yer little review and I ain't happy to see that yere giving it a negative rating."
"Yeah, I know right! He totally hates it!" Spike said cheekily.
"Spike!" Keldeo hissed.
Slappy stepped forward and prodded Keldeo's chest with her umbrella. "Perhaps yere unaware of how many people watch you, Keldo, and how much I enjoy the fic yere currently reviewing, and how easy it would be for me to blow you up so badly that you'll resemble the exact polar opposite of a Shiny Pokemon."
"But why do you like this fanfic!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "This can't be how it really happened!"
"Of course it ain't, but that don't stop me from liking it," Slappy said. Then she reached into her purse and dug around in it. "Hmm, let's see, where did I put that thing. Aha! Here it is!" She then took out a very large bomb.
"WAIT! Can't we talk about this!?" Keldeo said urgently.
"Yeah," Spike said excitedly, "You can try something else instead. Like, maybe have him get hit by a truck full of landmines!"
"Spike. . ."
"Or maybe throw him off a cliff with a parachute, only for there to be an anvil inside instead of a chute."
"Spike. . ."
"Or you could feed him Oran Berries with bombs inside of them. . ."
"Spike!"
"Or you can put him in a banana costume and hang him upside down over a cage full of starving gorillas!"
"SPIKE! I am not a Toon! All that stuff can kill me! And as for you, Slappy-."
"Hold on, I'm writing that last one down," she said as she held a pen and notebook.
Keldeo huffed and said, "Slappy, the review isn't done yet. I'm gonna read this story all the way through!
Slappy smiled and took her bomb back out and began tossing it up in the air and catching it. "Very good. And if you don't like it, I will show the Pokemon world what an Explosion really looks like."
"Hey, that's not fair!" Spike said, "What's the point in making him lie about how he feels about it?"
"Can't we all just hate the Disney Channel?" Keldeo said.
"So what did you do after getting fired from Disney?" Skippy asked. After his notions towards Slappy had changed he found that she was a really cool and fun person with quite a few stories to tell.
"There! Like that!" Keldeo said with a smile.
Spike rolled his eyes. "Okay, sure. So some time has passed, and Slappy has been teaching Skippy more archtoon skills and sharing stories, but Skippy is still not very happy about Slappy not adopting him."
Skippy dropped his fork onto the plate and gave up the charade of joyfully eating. "Oh right, let me just push that thought of being adopted and sent to some strange family out of my head. So how about the weather?" he asked with a cheery voice and smile.
"I'm sorry, but sometimes life isn't fair and we don't get what we want."
"You think I haven't learned that yet?" he asked, throwing his arms in the air.
"No, you know it better than anyone your age should, but when life changes there's nothing we can do about it but roll with it."
"This isn't life choosing, it's you. If you wanted to you could just call Linda back and tell her you'd like to keep me." Skippy jumped out of the chair and shoved it into the table before storming off to his room.
"It's like nothing even changed!" Keldeo exclaimed.
"That's because nothing did change," Spike said, "Skippy is still an orphan, and Slappy still doesn't think she can handle him. The change hasn't happened yet."
"Well, when will it happen? Who or what is gonna cause the change?" Keldeo asked.
Slappy ended up reaching for the phone and quickly dialing his number, knowing at the very least she needed someone to talk to, even if it didn't get her the answer she wanted or needed. It rang several times before she heard the wolf's raspy voice answer, showing signs of having just been awakened. "Hello?"
"Walter, we need to talk."
Keldeo rounded on Slappy and shouted, "THERE! This story says you and Walter are best friends, and that's a complete lie! How can you still like this story?!"
"It's just a fanfic, it ain't real," Slappy said simply, "Besides, I wouldn't mind being able to pal around with him. He's not to bright, he's pliable, he's good for a few laughs at his expense."
"Fine, whatever," Keldeo said, trying to ignore the smug look on Spike's face.
"Ya gotta promise to not make a big deal out of this before I tell ya." He made some noise that resembled a confirmation and she groaned. "Fine, good enough I guess. It's just that I don't know what I should do Walter. I really do like this kid and part of me is saying I should hold onto him, but at the same time I don't think I can."
She could practically hear Walter sit up in his bed, "That's great!" he shouted. "Well, not great. Why don't you know if you should keep him?"
"Don't ya think he needs more than some old, grouchy squirrel to lean on right now?"
"Well, I suppose." Slappy's jaw dropped as that answer resonated with her. She hadn't expected Walter to agree with her, and to be honest it was the first time the wolf had actually caused her pain. "But I can tell you that an old, grouchy squirrel is much better than a bunch of strangers. You're all the kid has left Slappy, and probably the only person that's going through the same thing. So what if you groan when you get out of a chair, or throw a bomb when someone messes up your food order?" he questioned, waiting for her response.
"But I'm not good for the kid, if he stays with me he might end up as bitter as I am."
"He's already bitter, which is one of the major flaws of the story," Keldeo said.
"But not as bitter as you," Spike muttered.
"You guys remind me of a very young Lean Hiskill and Codger Eggbert," Slappy remarked.
Keldeo smiled and said kowingly, "Ah-ha! Season 1, Episode 36: Critical Condition!"
"Uh, yeah," Spike said, "Well, with Walter's help, Slappy realizes that no matter how bad she thinks she'll be, sending Skippy away would always be the worse of the two evils."
"And if you send him away then you'll pretty much destroy the only family not only you but he has left."
"Yeah, but -"
"I'm tired, so stop reaching for problems and let's do a little test. Just clear your mind for a second, one single second." Walter instructed.
Slappy took a deep breath and pushed every last thought away, leaving nothing but the wonder of what Walter's plan was. "Okay, and?"
"It's Christmas morning and you walk downstairs, what do you see?"
"Are we really doing this Walter?"
"Yes. What do you see?" the wolf repeated. There was no answer and for a second Walter thought the squirrel might've hung up. "Alright, was Skippy there?"
"Yes," Slappy groaned.
"Now how about Halloween?"
"I get it Walter, no need to hammer the plot home for me. But that's what I want, not what this kid needs."
"He needs someone who understands, and that's you."
Slappy resumed her silence and, deciding that Walter had never steered her wrong, bit her lip before coming to the biggest decision she'd ever make. "I . . . I can't get rid of the kid, can I?"
"Nope, and all it took was waking me up in the middle of the night to make you do something you could've thought up yourself. Yay!" he cheered through a yawn.
"Well, at least the kid's a genius." She added, lying down across her bed. "He's an archtoon, youngest I've ever met. We actually just started working on spin-changing."
"See, you're already bragging about him. Wait, he's an archtoon? You wasted my time asking me if you were what this kid needed and didn't tell me he was an archtoon?"
"Yeah, why?" she asked.
"Don't ever call me again." And with that she heard a click as Walter hung up.
"KILL YA LATER!" Keldeo said comically.
She shrugged and actually laughed, puzzled how Walter could make even the hardest of things so simple. She'd have to ask him about that later but for now all she could do was smile, a feeling of happiness washing over her. There was some indescribable sensation that came with making an important decision and feeling it was the right choice, and she was experiencing it now. She hoped Skippy was still awake, but that didn't matter because she was probably going to run in there and scream in joy regardless. Heck, Skippy had plenty of time to sleep in his room now, why not waste a night and just celebrate such a great turn of events?
She practically skipped
"Ha-ha," Keldeo said dryly.
to her nephew's room, finding more joy as she continued to call it his room. She'd have to get him some toys for that box in the corner, and maybe a little T.V. and game system,
"Did that say 'game system'?" Keldeo asked.
Spike nodded, "Yeah, so what?"
Keldeo chuckled and rubbed his forehooves together. "Oh man, this is too good! I can't pass this up."
Skippy ripped the Action 52 game cartridge out of his NES and began smashing it with his mallet.
"He's gonna take you back to the past-."
BOOOOOM!
Slappy blew up the scene with one of her bombs.
Keldeo looked around in wide eyed shock and shouted, "How did you do that? You literally broke the Fourth Wall or something."
"Eh, it's a gift," Slappy said.
"But my joke-."
"Yeah, yeah, Angry Video Game Nerd reference. Big deal, can we please move on. We're almost done here!" Spike said.
and clothes to fill that large closest. She was actually anxious to get to all these plans rather than finding them overwhelming. Was it too late to call Linda and tell her that she was right? Well that one could actually wait for the morning because she hated admitting she was wrong, though it probably wouldn't be as bad this time.
Spike smiled broadly and said, "And so, Skippy finally has his permanent home with Slappy, and they all live happily ever-"
"I'm not falling for that, I know Skippy's gone," Keldeo said bluntly.
Slappy pushed the door open and prepared to shout the news as loud as she could, but her lungs failed her when she discovered nothing but an empty bed where a young squirrel should've been sleeping.
"You can't blame a guy for trying," Spike said miserably.
"So of course, Skippy is wandering around in the park feeling sorry for himself when he meets . . . the villain of the story, I guess," Keldeo said dryly.
"Hey kid, what're you doing here?" a new voice asked. Skippy awakened, yawning and stretching. He rubbed his eyes and glanced up at a dark mallard that may or may not have been a grown adult, it was too dark to actually tell. The young squirrel rose off the ground, finding the duck standing a couple of feet above him.
"Just fell asleep for a second, I'm okay."
"I wasn't asking if you were okay," the duck elaborated, trying to sound intimidating. Skippy was unimpressed, finding that this mallard was actually just a duckling looking for a fight. "At night this is my lake."
"Right, well you have a very nice lake." Skippy said, nodding his head to the body of water. "A lot better than my lake, well it's more of a pond really. Still a very fine pond though, gets the job done."
"You trying to be smart Squirrel?" the aggressive fowl asked.
"Not trying, no." Skippy flashed his teeth in an innocent little smile before taking a deep breath. "Listen, sorry if I'm a little snarky right now but I'm going through a lot in my life. So we can both shake hands and introduce ourselves or I can just be on my way." The young squirrel held out his hand in a friendly manner, wondering if this equally young mallard would ease off before he got hurt. He wasn't hoping for it though. Sadly the duck did oblige, taking Skippy's hand and shaking it politely, but only at first. Before the squirrel knew what was happening he was being pulled over the mallard's body and slammed into the ground. The grass did soften the blow, but he could feel some blades stuck between his two buckteeth.
"Oh wow, it looks like Skippy is going to have to use his Toon skills to defeat this guy. It's just like that other climax from that other story," Keldeo said in monotone.
"Well, how else do you expect a story like this to end!" Spike said.
"The story didn't need a Toon battle. I mean, sure, it's nice to see that Skippy actually learned something from the training, but it isn't necessary and just feel gratuitous," Keldeo complained.
"But I thought you wanted to laugh? The author is serving you slapstick on a silver platter!" Spike said.
Skippy groaned as he rose once again rose from the ground, spitting the grass and dirt out of his mouth. "You see, I was actually hoping you'd do that." Skippy felt his tail being pulled on and quickly turned around, bringing a mallet down on his attacker's webbed foot so quickly that it surprised both of them. The mallard let out a loud yelp as he started hopping around, gripping his injured foot in the air. Skippy glanced at his mallet in wide-eyed amazement, glad to find that he was now using it instinctively. The young squirrel debated on whether another slam, this time located at the head, was required. He shook it off as too mean and returned the wooden instrument to hammerspace before offering a steady hand for the duck to grab onto. "Here, take it for balance." The mallard stopped jumping about as his foot returned to firm ground, swelled to a bright red bump.
"You little rodent!" the duck shouted, grabbing the fur of Skippy's chest and lifting him off the ground. The young squirrel did not struggle, his arms and legs hanging limply as an unimpressed expression glazed his face. The mallard pulled his free hand back, preparing to launch it at Skippy's face.
"Wait!" he shouted, moments before his face could be introduced to the fist. The duck hesitated, hand staying firmly in place. Skippy gulped and wondered what his aunt would've done in this situation. He was not his aunt though, obvious when he didn't take the opportunity to strike another blow with his mallet. Still, imitating her would probably be a good decision at this time. The brown squirrel cleared his mind and pictured just what he wanted to grab from hammerspace before placing his hand behind his back. "Can't we just make up and be friends?" he asked, pulling his hand back to reveal a bouquet of flowers. The duck was visibly confused at the offering, leaning his face closer in what could be called idiotic curiosity.
Skippy opened his eyes, glad to find that the flowers exploded into the duck's face and left him untouched. The mallard dropped Skippy on the ground and fell over, a look of pain on his soot covered face. The young squirrel glanced at the tattered remains of the bouquet in his hand, everything but the handle a mess.
"But not even the slapstick is funny!" Keldeo complained, "It's not even really slapstick. It's just a violent fight scene that seems more at home in the Pokemon Anime than in a Looney Tune. And it's too short as well."
"Hey, Skippy did good here. I'm proud of him," Slappy cut in.
Slappy ran past the trees and found her nephew standing over a duck, who had obviously just been the victim of a bomb. She spotted the broken bouquet clutched in his hand and was relieved that he hadn't harmed himself, not to mention a little proud that he had pulled it off. "Uh, hi Aunt Slappy," he waved at her and gave a nervous smile. "This is my friend . . . the mallard." He gestured to the fowl passed out on the ground, only now remembering that they had not exchanged names. Slappy remained quiet, frightening the victorious child more than the bully could ever hope to. "I'm sorry about him, but I didn't mean to get into a fight. I was just lying down in front of this lake and he said it was his and I mocked him a little, not too much but still. Anyway I tried to apologize and he got angry and I was just defending myself and –"
Slappy wrapped him in her arms and hugged him, cutting off his long-winded sentence. He lost the ability to breathe as she squeezed him. Was this his punishment, being strangled to death with love? "Skip-O, I'm proud of ya." She released him from her tight grip and let him catch his breath. "But if you ever sneak out of your room again I am grounding you for a year." She rubbed his head affectionately and took joy in the slow realization that formed on his face.
"Wait . . . no. You're just saying that, right?" he asked, waiting for her to nod. She didn't and he began to fear that maybe he was still asleep on the ground, or maybe the duck had landed that punch to the face and he had passed out. Was his victory entirely in his mind? It was certainly a possibility, hell it was a strong one. How could he have managed to pull out explosive flowers? Or was this the storm breaking or the sun rising or some other metaphor about a situation that got better over time? It did have to happen sometime, and with his recent bad luck maybe he was just getting an extra helping this night. Skippy shook his head and tried to hold back the tears in his eyes, but there was no fighting this one. He smiled and sobbed a little, probably making Slappy uncomfortable. He collected himself a few seconds later and wiped at his eyes. "So was it scaring you to death that changed your mind?"
"Well I did get a little support from my friend Walter."
"Remind me to send him a basket of acorns."
"Grrrrrr," Keldeo growled.
"Let it go," Spike said.
Elsa: "Let it go! Let it go!"
"SHUT-UP!" shouted Spike, Keldeo, and Slappy in unison.
"So," Keldeo said, "The conflict of the story is finally resolved. Skippy and Slappy are finally together for good."
Slappy huffed, carrying the last box up the stairs. Skippy ran out of his room and helped her before she reached the top, taking a lot of the strain out of it. "Is this the last one?" he asked. Slappy nodded, unaware that her nephew couldn't see her over the box. "Huh?"
"Yeah, last one. Why do you have so many toys anyway?" she questioned as they slowly inched into his newly decorated room. "When I was your age all I needed was a stick, a hoop, and a cardboard cutout of Marlon Brando."
"How did you find the time to play with toys when you had to fend off the dinosaurs?" he teased.
"Well feeding them little squirrel boys seemed to entertain them."
"Okay, now the jokes are starting to sound like they came from the show . . .too bad the fanfic's almost over!" Keldeo complained.
They dropped the box in front of his toy chest and Slappy took a breather on the edge of his while he unpacked. "So how's this room feel now that it ain't so empty?" she asked, glancing from him kneeling in front of the box to all the various little posters and pictures he'd hung up.
"It feels great Aunt Slappy," he cheerfully stated as he finished with the box. "And what about you, how does it feel to be an official guardian now?"
"The perks aren't that great, and the kid is a bit annoying, but I think I can manage." Slappy glanced at the clock he'd put on his nightstand, surprised to find that they'd been unpacking for the last four hours. "Anyway, now that we're done with your room, let's say we walk to your school. I wanna be sure you know the route for Monday." She hopped off the bed and adjusted her hat as Skippy suppressed a smug little grin. Did she ever imagine she'd be walking her kid to school, or that her house would get a little crowded? Probably not, but he didn't expect to feel this happy ever again. He closed the lid of his toy chest with only a bit of struggle, finding that hammerspace distortion wasn't required at the moment.
He ran his hand through the top of the fur on his head and glanced around his room, feeling a sense of pride that came with having a space that was all his own. His stomach growled and surprised him, not aware of his hunger until that very moment. "Can we get food afterwards? I'm starving."
"Sure, in fact I know this one particular tree that always has the tastiest walnuts growing on it. The best ones are at the very top, but it takes me way too long to climb up there these days. You any good at climbing trees?"
Skippy glanced at her with a small smirk, "I'm a squirrel, which means I have a craving for acorns and the ability to climb trees."
"Good, if you climb up to the top I might give you a nickel."
"Wow, a shiny nickel?" he was sure to coat the response in as much sarcasm as he could, rolling his eyes as well. "Are you joking Aunt Slappy?" Skippy questioned.
"When I was your age a nickel for climbing a tree was a pretty good deal."
"We've already done the "when I was your age" thing Aunt Slappy." He clarified as the elder squirrel walked out of the room. He followed her down the stairs and out the front door, closing it shut behind them.
"And we end with what has to be the weakest ending I've ever seen," Keldeo observed, "I mean, look at it, it just stops! There's not even a cliche 'and they all lived happily ever after.' Oh, but you know where there is instead. An author's note slash disclaimer on how both this weird ending and the gratuitous mallard fight scene probably weren't any good."
A/N: So good ending or bad? I felt it did well. Hate the mallard thing but that is only because I don't think regular cartoon-violence can be accurately portrayed in words or letters. Anyway, thanks for reading and have a fantastic life.
"What a cherry on top!" Keldeo said.
"Did someone say 'cherry-bomb'?" Slappy asked as she took a bomb out of her purse again.
"Keldeo . . ." Spike said nervously.
Keldeo looked at Slappy, then at Spike, then back at Slappy, then at the bomb she was holding.
Keldeo closed his eyes in thought, and then turned into his Resolute Form.
SLICHT!
With lighting speed, Keldeo used his Secret Sword to slice Slappy's bomb in half, rendering it inert, much to the squirrel's shock.
"I still think Skippy's Story is better!" Keldeo exclaimed.
"Oh, come on!" Spike shouted.
"Spew!" Slappy said in disgust.
"No, I'm sorry! It's not a bad fanfic or anything, but I just don't like it that much! I mean, sure, there are some things I do like. The writing is so rich with detail, we had to cut out a whole bunch of paragraphs just to keep the review from going on too long. This is some award winning writing skills here. The emotional and psychological states of the characters and their inner struggles are conveyed in such an amazing way. Sure, I like the more upbeat and comedic Skippy and Slappy, but I am open to the idea of a darker version. But these characters are just too depressed and miserable to the point that it's almost a disgrace to the Animaniacs. Outside of their species, you wouldn't even know that this was Skippy or Slappy if they weren't called Skippy or Slappy. And even if you took Skippy and Slappy's names off of this, I still wouldn't like this depressing, inaccurate mess!"
"I think you're totally wrong, Keldeo!" Spike challenged, "The characters seem depressed and miserable to you because they're not as over-the-top or single noted as the ones from the actual show or the comic book versions. Those happy versions are still there. But by exploring Skippy and Slappy's back stories with a more realistic lens and addressing these morally confusing lessons about adoption and loss that you call depressing and inaccurate, we're challenged. Kind of like how Tanks for the Memories challenged us with the concept of death and the five stages of grief. Yet Fate still manages to have some funny moments, and a happy ending that shows how even in the darkest of times, you can achieve a well deserved fate where everything works out in the end if you stick it through! This fanfic is awesome!"
"Huh! Don't waste you breath on the pony boy over here! It's like talking to Beanie the Brain-Dead Bison," Slappy remarked bitterly.
"Hey! Just because Keldeo didn't like the fanfic doesn't mean you can insult him and threaten to blow him up!" Spike argued.
"You remind me of a very young Bowser Junior!" Slappy shot back.
As Spike and Slappy began arguing, Keldeo drifted into some deep thought. A voice floated into his consciousness, a voice he knew very well.
Anton Ego: "In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the *new*. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new. To say that its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement."
"STOOOOOOP!" Keldeo shouted.
Spike and Slappy immediately stopped arguing and stared at Keldeo.
"I think I understand now," Keldeo said, "Spike, I don't really like this fanfic. I don't think I ever will. But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I can't understand why you like it. When I read this fanfic, I see one of Slappy's greatest villains being completely neutered, like the Smooze in Make New Friends but Keep Discord. But that's not what you see. You see two funny and lovable characters being tested and put through a greater challenge than ever before. And it's a challenge that's realisitc, and far more serious and darker than One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock. The fact that it's a real moral and ethical conflict makes the challenge seem greater and the struggle all the more interesting. I don't see the same thing. All I see are inaccuracies from the canon. But what you see is a an AU of a beloved cartoon that show a deeper story. So, as long as you're viewing it because you want to see the best of strength, kindness, and family rise up against sadness and tragedy, all I can say is..." Keldeo gave Spike a smile and said, "Go ahead and enjoy it."
Spike blinked wit wide eyes. "Whoa," Spike said, "Well . . . thanks for understanding me, Keldeo."
"Are you kiddin'?! That middle-of-the-road trash won't work on me, you glue factory escapee!" Slappy shouted as she reached into her purse and pulled out a ginormous over the top bazooka.
"No! Slappy, wait!" Spike stammered.
"Don't worry, Spike, I can handle this," Keldeo said, a confident smile on his face, "I think I know what's got Slappy's tail in a knot."
Still pointing the business end of the bazooka straight at Keldeo, Slappy raised an eyebrow an said, "Oh really?"
Keldeo nodded, "Yes, really. You're not the type to attack someone if they don't like the same things as you. You only attack people who attack you first."
"But we didn't attack her!" Spike said.
"Actually, we kinda did," Keldeo said, "We had her loose to Bug Bunny in our One Minute Melee parody."
Slappy grit her teeth in rage.
"What!? That's it? You gotta be kidding me!" Spike exclaimed.
"I could beat the gloves right off of that smug little rodent!" Slappy said.
"You do realize that you're a rodent too," Keldeo observed.
Slappy looked through the bazooka's scope and said, "Okay then. Ready. Aim-."
"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Think about this, Slappy! Just think. Just clear your mind for a second, one single second."
"Did you just quote the story we just read?" Slappy asked incredulously.
"Just answer a question for me," Keldeo said, "Just one question before you blast me."
"Go ahead. I ain't stopping you," Slappy replied.
"Is this comedy?" Keldeo asked simply.
Slappy blinked, at a loss for words for once in her life.
"Did you hear me, Slappy? I asked you: is this comedy?" Keldeo repeated.
Slappy looked at the bazooka in her paws, then at Keldeo, then back at the weapon.
"No," she finally said, "This ain't comedy. It's just revenge." Slappy shuddered, looking thoroughly disgusted with herself. "I think I just reminded myself of a very old Judge Doom."
"Like the way the Skippy in this fanfic reminded us of a very young Judge Doom," Keldeo said with a wink and smile.
"Don't push it, Keldo," Slappy snapped.
Keldeo just gave a nervous smile.
Slappy looked at the Fourth Wall and remarked, "Ya gotta admit, he sure takes advantage of the natural cuteness of ponies."
Spike cleared his throat and said, "Look Slappy, we said right at the start of the One Minute Melee that we did no research. It wasn't like Death Battle, where we say what we truly believe would happen and who truly is better. It was just a fun little short that could've gone either way. We don't think Bugs Bunny is better than you, but we don't think you're better than Bug Bunny either. It's like the two fanfics we reviewed, Skippy's Story and Fate. There are things to like and dislike on both sides. The right thing to do is to appreciate the good points about both and to not fight for no reason."
"Hmmmm," Slappy said thoughtfully. Then she put the bazooka back into her purse and nodded, "Alright then."
Spike and Keldeo sighed.
"In fact," Slappy said, and reached off-screen and wheeled in a xylophone, "I think I'll play a little song fer you two guys. It's called Those Endearing Young Charms."
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Spike exclaimed as he ran up to Slappy, "I'm not falling for that old trick! If anyone is gonna play this xylophone, it's gonna be me!"
Spike snatched the rubber mallets away from Slappy, nudged her out of the way, and stepped behind the xylophone. Suddenly, a Trap Tile from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon appeared underneath him.
"Oh, what the h-."
BOOOOOOM!
Spike was left covered in shoot after the resulting explosion.
Keldeo burst out laughing, falling to the ground as he was overcome by the laughter.
"Oh my gosh! A Selfdestruct Trap! Hahahaha! Good one, Slappy!" Keldeo said.
"Actually, that was an Explosion Trap," Slappy said with a smirk as she stood a good distance behind Keldeo.
Keldeo's head shot up and is eyes went wide. "Wha-!?"
BOOOOOOM!
"Now that's comedy!" Slappy said, and she jumped back into her Portable Hole, which closed up right behind her.
Both blasted black and burnt, Spike and Keldeo stared down at the ground after her. Then they slowly looked up at each other.
"Sooooooo," Keldeo said slowly.
"Good luck in your future reviews?" Spike said.
Keldeo nodded, "Yeah. Sure. Same to you, Spike."
Still in a daze, Spike left the stone platform quietly.
Keldeo turned and said, 'Well . . . I'm Keldeo the Critic. . . and I review it. . .so you don't have to. . .ugh. . ."
Keldeo fell down unconscious.
THE END
Credits
Slappy Squirrel Intro Version 2- Warner Brothers
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Star Wars
Looney Tunes
Phoenix Wright
Portal 2
Princess Promenade
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
Angry Video Game Nerd- Cinemassacre
Special Thanks
thatdragonwiththetophat- creator of Spike the Snob
Mandopony