"What's up with you Amaro?" his partner, Eric Olson, asked him "you didn't have fun on your little vacation?"
"It was alright" Nick kept his eyes on a report he's been writing.
After leaving Amanda's dorms Nick went straight to the airport, returned the car and tried to get an earlier flight. Many of were already full and he had to wait five hours for the next available one. This did not make it easy for Nick. He was so angry, he couldn't wait to get away from that city.
When, after a very long time, he was back in his own bed Nick felt something weird take over him, for a moment he thought he had internal damage from the kick, but it wasn't that. It was sadness. The tears filled his eyes and he couldn't control himself. He felt like something was lost.
"Just alright, ha?" the other man sat down and drank his coffee "where'd you even go?"
"Nowhere" Nick said "I didn't go anywhere"
"You're a little touchy today, ha? Maybe you should go out and have a drink to calm down"
A drink didn't sound half bad to Nick, finally the man who was supposed to be his mentor gave him a good advice.
"You know what" Nick was done with the report and it was time for him to go "I'm gonna do that" he grabbed his things and decided to go home and change first.
The bar wasn't packed so Nick was able to find a seat. He ordered a few drinks and tried not to think about a thing. He wanted to feel only the liquid going down his throat. He couldn't even hear the music, and it was loud.
"Hey" someone said but Nick figured they weren't talking to him and ignored the voice, until he heard it again "hello?"
"What?" Nick turned to see a woman in the seat next to him, she wasn't there a few minutes ago.
"Just said hey" she looked at him.
"Hey" Nick wasn't really in the mood for strangers.
"Can I buy you a drink?" She offered "or you can buy me one, I'm cool either way"
Nick looked at her again, he already had a few drinks.
She seemed to be his age, had short brown hair and dark eyes, the light was dim and he couldn't tell exactly.
"This is why you come to a bar alone" she kept on talking "to buy someone a drink or get it from someone"
"I'm here alone because I want to be alone" he hoped it would be enough for her to let him be.
"Well I'm here so I won't be alone" she ordered two beers from the bartender and gave one to Nick.
"What do you want?" he tried to sound as disinterested as possible.
"I came to talk to you because you seemed like a nice guy, I guess I was wrong"
"I'm sorry" he didn't want to be rude "I'm just not in the mood for talking"
"Who said I was?" the look in her eyes confused him "you're a not bad looking guy, and I, if I may say so myself, am a not bad looking gal…do the math"
"What exactly are we adding here?" he asked, thinking he was being amusing.
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Nick"
"I'm Amanda" she extended her hand and hearing that Nick gave her another look, as if this was the first time he noticed her.
"Nice to meet you, Amanda" he shook her hand.
"I knew you were a nice guy" she smiled and drank a few gulps of the beer.
Nick didn't respond, he glanced at her again and grabbed the bottle she bought for him.
"So what do you say?" she asked, looking serious "about math?"
"You don't know me" he turned to her "and if I'm not wrong, you're offering me to have sex" she nodded "we barely even spoke"
"You're right, so should I go or not?" she waited for him to speak.
Nick wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't a stranger to one night stands, but usually he spent some time with the girl first. But why not? He was a bit drank, she was willing, and her name…
"Ok" he stood up "why not?"
The woman chuckled and shrugged "why not?"
Nick's place was close and he didn't mind taking her there. He had a tiny apartment, he couldn't afford much on his salary. Not that she cared. She didn't ask.
Nick had to admit he liked the not knowing, it made it simple. He knew one thing, her name was Amanda.
That was something he liked.
When she kissed him he knew he was kissing Amanda, when he helped her take her top off he knew he was undressing Amanda. He was glad to find out Amanda had condoms. He enjoyed being able to call her name.
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.
Not that he felt proud about it, he knew he'd feel guilty later. But he was thrusting into her and he could say it.
Amanda.
Nick offered her to stay the night but she wasn't into it. He asked if she'd want to have a cup of coffee or he could buy her a beer. She shrugged, left her phone number on a piece of paper and left.
Nick felt like he needed a shower and as he was standing under the water he tried to remember what just happened, it's been half an hour more or less but he couldn't remember a thing except for her name. But he could still remember his Amada's taste, how she felt like in Miami, how she felt like in Atlanta. When he closed his eyes Nick could see her, on that bed in the motel room, in her dorm room. She was so beautiful and he was completely mesmerized by her. He could sense her, feel her nipples in his mouth, her wetness on his hand.
Nick could feel himself getting hard and tried to think about something else. Forget it. He turned off the warm water and remained standing under a stream of coldness, coming from above and from inside.
"I hate these calls"
Nick already heard that line over a thousand times, he didn't bother counting. He spoke to a few buddies who were in the academy with him and they were pleased, they had mentors who actually took the time to teach them, to explain things.
"Don't you hate these calls Amaro?"
Nick shrugged, he didn't hate his job.
It was a domestic disturbance call, it was a little boy who was alone by the front door and the officers walked over to him.
Nick waited for Olson to talk.
"You ok kid? What happened?"
The boy didn't say anything and Olson rolled his eyes "great, my favorite, I'm gonna let dispatch know"
Nick walked to the boy and kneeled "hey" he smiled "I'm Nick, what's your name?"
The boy looked at Nick and Nick wasn't sure he understood, he pointed at himself and said his name again.
"Nick" he then pointed at the boy.
"Pedro" he replied quietly.
"Your name is Pedro?" Nick asked in Spanish, thinking he might not speak English.
The boy nodded and Nick asked him about what happened, writing everything down.
"Hey Amaro!" he heard Olson call him, there were two plainclothes officers next to him "Kramer and Jones, detectives from Narcotics, they know this place"
Nick smiled at the boy and told him he'd be right back.
"I'm Nick Amaro" he introduced himself "this boy, Pedro, he speaks Spanish, told me his older brother was here"
"He told you his brother was here?" one of the detectives asked.
"Yeah" Nick let them know everything, smiling at the boy once in a while.
The detectives thanked him and walked to the side to exchange a few words in private and Nick walked back to Pedro, calming him down.
"We're gonna drive him to the station" Kramer said and Nick thought his role was over when the other man continued "and Amaro, come with us, we could use your help"
It seemed like Pedro liked Nick and he opened up to him, talking about his brother. The information proved to be valuable for the detectives and they appreciated his help.
"Good job Amaro" Jones shook his head "the captain wants a word with you"
"Ok" Nick followed him to the captain's office and she told him to sit down.
"I'm captain Berg" she introduced herself "how long have you been in the force?"
"Not too long, I'm still partnered with my instructor"
"Fresh out of the academy?" she smiled.
"You could say that" he shrugged.
"I wanted to thank you for your help, you talking to Pedro really helped us with a case we've been working on, it's a big deal"
"Just doing my job"
"You did a damn good one Amaro, so I think you have a great future ahead of you. You have a plan?"
"I want to move up the ladder I guess, but it's still early for that"
"Amaro, it's never too early to think about that, in ten years, do you see yourself in the force?"
"Ten years?" Nick looked at the captain's desk, noting it was very organized "yes, even in twenty, hopefully until retirement"
"You're too young to be thinking about retirement Amaro, but it's good to know" she said "how do you find my squad?"
"I've only been here for a few hours" he wasn't sure how to respond.
"I think you could be a good addition to this place. You talking to that kid, shows me you have the right skills for us Amaro"
Nick wondered if this was a job interview, was she offering him something? Cause he'd say yes in a heartbeat, anything for a change.
"I think this place will be good for me"
"I'm glad we're on the same page" she smiled "let me make a few calls, see what we can do about it. But just so you know, Narcotics is not an easy squad, we're working hard here"
"The NYPD is not an easy place" Nick raised a brow.
"Yes, that is so true" the captain nodded "we'll be in touch"
The conversation with captain Berg made Nick hopeful, he's been so upset about the job, with it not being what he expected, but now he was on the right track, he was going somewhere. He took his mother out for an early dinner, he didn't tell her anything, but for him this was a little celebration.
He was still happy when he returned to his apartment but then his eyes fell on the piece of paper with a phone number on it. Nick felt guilty for the night they spent together. He took her home just because he was excited about saying her name, it made him feel like a jerk. What kind of a guy sleeps with someone and thinks about somebody else?
Maybe he should call her? Not that Nick really wanted to see her, the thought didn't excite him.
Nick grabbed his phone and dialed anyway, he wanted to ease his guilt.
"Yes?" she answered.
"Amanda?" Nick called her name.
"Nick?" she recognized his voice.
"Yes, I just wanted to call, see how you're doing, if you'd want to go get a drink?" this was the right thing to do, he slept with her, the least he could do was ask her out.
"Fine, if you wanna" she sounded a little busy "tomorrow works for me"
"Sounds great, you want to have coffee?"
"Yeah, fine, can I call you later?" he heard a noise, like she dropped something.
"Sure" Nick placed the phone on the table. This felt more like a chore, but he thought it was the right thing to do.
When Alice returned to her dorm room in the morning she wasn't sure what to expect. She had a class but it didn't matter. There were rumors, some kind of a fight took place. There was a big party so almost no one stayed at the dorms, but people still spoke. It had something to do with Carl Patton.
The guy was trouble. Everybody knew that.
Amanda was in bed when Alice walked into the room, she recognized the clothes from last night and knew something had happened.
"Amanda" Alice shook her a little so she'd wake up.
"What?" her voice was groggy.
"Wake up, what's going on?" Alice sat on the edge of the bed, looking at her friend.
"Nothing, I'm trying to sleep"
"Don't you have a class in an hour?" Alice kept on staring.
"Don't you have a class now?" Amanda didn't know what time it was, but she guessed that was the case.
"Sit up already" she tried to pull her up.
"Ok, let me go!" Amanda sat up, leaning on the wall "what's going on?"
"You tell me Amanda, I heard things, what happened here last night? And where's Nick?" she suddenly noticed he wasn't there.
"Nick" Amanda shrugged "he's gone, went back to New York"
"Why? What happened? Was Patton here?"
Alice cared about Amanda, she was her best friend. But she was so stubborn sometimes, it drove Alice mad. Why couldn't she just talk about what was bothering her? She always wanted to prove she could handle everything, even when she needed help.
"Nothing happened" Amanda shrugged again and looked down at her fingers, she placed them on the blanket "Nick had to go back to New York, it was stupid anyway…"
She got out of the bed and took out clean clothes from the closet.
"Damn it Amanda, just tell me what happened already" Alice stood up, blocking her way "if you say nothing one more time, I swear to god…"
"Carl came here, said all of his stupid things, you know, and Nick…he was…saying things too…it was…dumb"
"What?"
"What?" Amanda rolled her eyes "look, Carl is an idiot, I can handle him, ok?"
"I'm sure you can, but why is Nick gone, did he do something to him?"
"No one did anything to anyone Alice" Amanda moved away.
"Just talk to me Amanda, please, I heard someone was hit…"
"Alice" Amanda looked at her "please let it go. I'm not sure what he was thinking, coming here, it was a mistake and I shouldn't have…"
Alice wasn't sure if she was talking about Nick or Carl. She reached for her friend and hugged her, she had no idea what to think, talking wasn't helpful.
"I'm fine" Amanda pulled away.
Nick met her at a coffee shop by her place. He was feeling bad about this meeting, this was just his way to prove himself he didn't use her.
"Hey Nick" she waved at him, already holding a cup of coffee.
"Hey" he sat in front of her.
"What's up Nick, I was surprised you call, you know" she looked at him.
"Why?" did he give her a bad impression?
She shrugged "we had fun but I thought that was all"
"It felt weird to just…" Nick had no idea what to say, he was very uncomfortable.
"But I'm glad you called cause we did have fun" she smiled "you're not what I expected"
"What do you mean?"
"Honestly? You were more enthusiastic than I expected, I kinda liked it when you kept on saying my name" she whispered "oh Amanda, Amanda…"
Nick chuckled, she had no idea that while he was saying her name he was thinking about a different Amanda, was missing a different Amanda.
"How about we go to my place this time?" she didn't even ask him if he was going to get himself a drink.
Nick couldn't say no to the offer. If she liked it, and he liked it, maybe it didn't matter. It was just sex, it was meaningless, it didn't matter.
"Let's go, Amanda"
Summer 2002
"It's been way too long!" Donnie gave Nick a hug "way too long"
"Yeah" Nick smiled at him, he hasn't seen Donnie for years, he moved to Los Angeles two years ago and they didn't talk much.
But Toby came for a visit from England and they decided to meet.
"How's LA?" Nick asked.
"Sunny, let's get drinks! Not wait for Toby to show up, I thought English men were always on time"
"He's still American" Nick smiled, but he liked the sound of a drink and they walked to the bar.
"How have you been Nicky?" Donnie finished his drink quickly.
"Not too bad actually, I love the job" he smiled. He's been in Narcotics for two years, it was a tough job, but sometimes Nick felt like he was able to make a difference.
A few months after he got there Nick was sent to his first undercover operation, it was short, one week of being a guy named Mateo, buying and selling drugs. He was good at it and they were able to make many arrests. After that he spent a whole year undercover, it was a big deal for the squad, for him. He was able to infiltrate a gang that's been dealing a new drug. He got enough information to take down their entire operation. It was a crazy time for him, but he was rewarded, becoming a detective.
"Well, well, well" the two friends heard a familiar voice.
"Toby!" Donnie jumped off the stool and walked to him "I was expecting an English accent, did you leave it at home?"
"Still as funny as ever" Toby gave him a quick hug, exchanging one with Nick too "it's great to see you"
"You too" Nick raised his glass.
"I'll go order us more drinks" Donnie turned towards the bar "and something to eat too"
"So how are you Nick?" Toby sat down.
"I'm good, made a detective a few months ago" he let him know.
"That's great!"
"I see you got married" Nick noted the ring on his finger.
"Yeah, it was a small ceremony in London, we didn't invite anyone, I'm not a girl so didn't bother call everyone I know" he chuckled.
"Congrats, man" Nick smiled "hope you're happy"
Toby nodded just as Donnie returned with drinks.
"Toby just told me he got married" Nick looked at him.
"Cool, how bout you Nick, who's keeping your bed warm?" Donnie asked.
"Just kinda…" Nick shrugged "I have this on and off again thing…"
"What does that mean?" Donnie let out a laugh "you two are off when you're off of her?"
"That's not what I mean" Nick didn't want to elaborate.
"Please tell us what it means" Toby sounded curious.
"We're just keeping each other company sometimes, it's not serious"
"How long have you known her?"
"Two years" the long period of time suddenly dawned on Nick.
His friend laughed "you two are very much together Nicky!" Donnie said "I like how you think that it's not serious"
Toby nodded in agreement "what's her name?"
"Amanda" Nick replied quietly, it wasn't serious between them. He was working long hours and sometimes they met up for a drink and ended up in bed. Not that he didn't like her. She was nice and funny. He didn't get a chance to meet anyone anyway so he just kept on seeing her. She was busy at her job in publishing so the arrangement seemed to suit both of them.
"Your Amanda?" Toby asked and Donnie gave him a questioning look "the same Amanda you met in Miami? The one from Atlanta?"
"No" Nick took a sip from the drink, it was a different Amanda.
"I guess you have a type" Toby shrugged, sounding a bit disappointed.
"The way I see it" Donnie had no idea who they were talking about "if you are not sleeping with anyone but her, and she's not sleeping with anyone but you. You're together, she's your girlfriend"
"It's not like that" Nick tried to deny it, but maybe he was lying to himself. Lately she has been calling him more, they were seeing each other more. He still kept on calling her name in bed.
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Just two nights ago, he rolled off of her, his eyes still closed.
"You want to watch a movie next week?" she asked and he nodded, why not?
Nick sat up, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his heart. It's not like he didn't like her or treat her bad. She was a good person and they had fun together.
But it felt different.
"Shit" he cursed and she looked at him.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, the condom broke" he apologized, that never happened to them before.
"Fine, I'll just go to a pharmacy, get the morning after pill, don't worry" she stood up and reached for her clothes.
"I'll drive you" he offered, feeling even worse.
"Graduation!" Alice danced around the room with her cape "I can't believe the day is finally here"
"Neither can I" Amanda smiled.
"I don't want to sound old, but time flies by" she laughed "soon we'll be somewhere else"
"I'm staying in Atlanta" Amanda said "but you will be somewhere else…in freaking Alaska!"
"What's wrong with Alaska?"
"It's far, that's what's wrong with it"
Ben, Alice's boyfriend got a good job offer there and proposed to Alice, she accepted. Amanda was happy for her, but she'd miss her friend.
"We still have time" Alice twirled in the room "and you're still my maid of honor"
Alice sat down a second later "I'm going to miss you"
"Me too" Amanda nodded.
"I know you're not going to call me Amanda, I know how you hate it when people leave…"
"Shut up" she tried to stop her.
"No, I know you" Alice gave her a stern look "you're my best friend and I love you, but you're such an idiot sometimes"
"Thanks" Amanda replied sarcastically.
"You are Amanda, because you let people go when they go. Sometimes, when people move away it doesn't mean they leave you"
"I know"
"No you don't" Alice shook her head "like what happened with you and Nick…"
"That was so long ago!" Amanda stood up, why was she bringing it up? She forgot all about him, she couldn't even remember how he looked liked, how dark was his hair, how caring his eyes were, until that night.
"You know I heard you say his name in your sleep a couple of times" Alice said quietly.
"Please shut up" she begged.
"Ok" Alice shrugged, she knew Amanda would deny if she pushed her. But there were a few nights when she was up late, studying while Amanda slept, and she heard her, Amanda mumbled his name "Nick…" and something Alice could never hear clearly. Amanda never told her what exactly happened, changed the subject whenever she brought it up. Alice liked him, she thought he seemed liked a sweet guy and the fact he found her, Alice thought it was romantic. If somebody cares enough to search for you, to fly over to you…
It means something.
Nick was sitting on her couch, not sure he heard her right. He had another great day at work, they made a big bust and even the chief came by to congratulate them. But now he was in the small living room, hearing something he was not expecting to.
"I'm pregnant" she said, showing him the test.
"How…"
"I guess that pill didn't work" she seemed to be in shock and sat down next to him "this is not how I planned this"
"I don't know what to say" he couldn't think of a thing. She was pregnant, Amanda was pregnant.
"I want you to know I'm keeping it" she turned to him "I always thought I'd have my first kid at thirty but now that it happened I can't just…you know"
"Ok" Nick stood up, he knew what he had to do "let's get married"
"What?"
"Let's get married" he repeated.
"Married?"
Nick took a deep breath "we've been seeing each other for two years now, you're pregnant…let's do it"
"Don't get too excited" she chuckled and smiled at him.
"You did just give me pretty huge news" he still couldn't wrap his thoughts around it. But he was going to have a baby, he had to give that baby a family.
"Alright, then let's get married"
Summer 2004
"Amaro, Kramer, get in here" captain Berg called and the detectives rushed to her office. It sounded important.
"You remember the undercover case you worked on Amaro? The Sin Palabras gang?" she asked.
"Yeah, they were making a drug similar to heroin, called it SP9. I thought we busted them all" he remembered it well, it was the case that really turned things around for him.
"Yes, that's what we thought" she nodded.
"Are you saying that the drug's back on the street?" Kramer asked.
"I just got a call, two bodies were found, no connection between the victims. But they both had it in their system" she said.
"We can go check it out" Nick said "see what homicide have and how we can help, just give me the address"
"Hold your horses Amaro" she chuckled "you are going to check it out, but it's gonna take you a few hours"
"Oh man" Kramer said "I have a feeling it's gonna involve a lot of traffic, I choose the music Amaro"
"No traffic guys" the captain smiled apologetically "the dead bodies have not been found in New York"
"Oh" Nick was certain the drug was never sold out of the city "where?"
"Atlanta"
It seems that this story gets less love than my other fics. But for me it's one of the favorites. I love writing this AU Rollaro story, even though it's been pretty sad until now.
Next chapter they'll meet again after all these years.