The Lovely Kestrealbird wanted New Zealand, IDK if this is New Zealand enough, sorry if it's not, but I tried... I know I kinda said I'd write a kinda OzNZ one like I wrote an AmeCan one but honestly this has been a plot bunny in my head for a while (ever since I saw a tumblr post about it ages ago) and this kinda sorta gave me the chance to write it. I love Artie being a baby about spiders, it brings glee to my tiny, shriveled heart! (HC that he made Oz and Zea visit him a lot rather than the other way around because he's terrified of the wildlife)

Anyway! Ignore me!

Enjoy! ;)

"Holy fucking Jesus' bollocks!"

That shout was followed by a loud crash and the sound of two lots of uproarious laughter.

"What the fuck kind of bloody hellspawn is that?"

Everyone looked over in the general direction of the commotion, and several other people screeched with the same enthusiasm as the Englishman when they saw the huge eight-legged creature sitting happily on the table in front of where England had been sitting a few moments prior.

"AUSTRALIA!"

"Yeah, England? What seems to be the problem there, mate?" Australia hardly managed to get his reply out through his laughter.

England grit his teeth, "The problem, mate, is that there is one of your horrific-"

Australia leaned over the desk, a mischievous glint in his eye, making England abruptly shut up and crawl further back against the wall of the meeting room. England's eye widened a little as the other nation reached out a hand toward the creature, "Australia, stop! New Zealand! Do something!"

New Zealand raised an eyebrow at the Brit, a tiny smile coming to his lips, "Well what do you want me to do? Stop him? I think you know as well as I do that he does what he wants."

Australia grinned, leaning forward just a little more and touching a hand gently to the spider's abdomen. The spider jolted forward, launching itself off the table and directly at England who made the least manly noise conceivable by human consciousness and scurried as fast as he could to the furthest point from the spider that he could manage.

By this point, anyone who wasn't near the spider was laughing heartily, and anyone who was near it had gone the path of England and backed off from it hastily, albeit in a more dignified manner.

While Australia launched himself over the table to pick up the spider from the floor, New Zealand wandered over to where England was pressed firmly against a wall, glaring daggers at Australia who now had the spider scurrying up his arm, giggling as it tickled at his neck. "Alright there Mum?" he asked casually, making England turn his glare on him.

"You're not off the hook either young man!" England growled, "And I'm not your mother!"

New Zealand did his best not to smile, "You're not? I'd say you screamed like you were."

He and Australia had to flee pretty quickly after that.

Scotland raised an eyebrow at England, as the two of them stood on the balcony above the one that lead to Australia and New Zealand's shared one, "You called me all the way out here for this?"

England grinned widely, in a completely disconcerting way, "Of course. None of the others would help me, so you were the obvious choice."

"And you couldn't have done this alone because...?"

England grabbed him by the shoulders, "I need help, and I'll be damned if I have to laugh at them by myself just because you didn't want to dump freezing water of two of my former colonies."

Scotland laughed softly, "Hey, I'm all for dumping freezing water on two of your former colonies, it's not like they don't deserve it,"

England raised an eyebrow, "But?"

"I just thought there would be a better way to do this more... publicly."

England pursed his lips, "I'm listening..."

England walked up to the front of the room with his nose proudly in the air despite the snickers he heard from those who were still laughing about yesterday's meeting. He stood at the front, straightened his papers, and looked up with what could be a cool, business-line expression to anyone who didn't know that it was, in actual fact, the silent murder face, "I would like to start off today's meeting by apologizing for my behaviour yesterday, after all it is clear to me that Australia and New Zealand were simply trying to rid me of the spider, which just happened to be native to one, if not all, of said Nations, and which had somehow found its way onto my desk in the middle of a meeting." He smiled toothily at the pair, who's eyes widened, fixed on the man in front of them, at the podium, and not the one sneaking up behind them, "And since I found myself in such close quarters with part of their lands, I thought it only fair that they get to experience something similar."

As soon as the words left England's mouth Scotland tipped the bucket he'd been holding, dumping a good few gallons of ice water over their heads in one huge splash. The two of them howled out in surprise, Australia's surprised yelp reaching a pitch which rivalled England's the day before, and New Zealand's sounding so much like a strangled sheep that it was hard not to burst into laughter.

"Say hello to the lake district laddies!" Scotland guffawed, "Nessie sends her regards!"

"Holy shit biscuits, that's fuckin' cold!" Australia gasped, looking like a drowned rat as he stood there, wiping his sopping hair from his eyes.

"Really, Oz?" New Zealand barked, "I hadn't noticed."

England had perhaps the biggest, smuggest, smile on his face, as he leant lazily on the front podium, "How do you like your present from Britain, boys?" he asked, failing miserably at not laughing as the two of them glared daggers at him.

After a moment though, New Zealand started laughing, bending himself over and guffawing, Australia following not long after, and soon the entire room was in absolute uproar.

During the ruckus Scotland trotted over to England and bent in to whisper in his ear, "Now, don't you think this revenge was much better?"

England narrowed his eyes at him, but his grin remained, "I concede that yes, this was better, and tonight I will show you how much I appreciated your assistance, but right now I have a meeting to bring to order, and you have two nations to dry up."

Scotland snorted, "Alright, I'll hold you to that," he turned around and began walking toward the door, "Come on you two wet sops, come with me to get dry, England's got summarized notes for you."

England sighed, watching the three of them leave for a moment before turning his attention to the impossible task of bringing these excited nations to order... It was going to be a long day, but it was so worth it.