He just needed to see her. He knew it wouldn't be to come back to her. It was too late for that and he couldn't be fixed that easily. Not this time. He just needed to say he was sorry and he needed to tell her what he was about to do, so she wouldn't look for him.
Alice drove over to the marine just as he asked her to and his heart was already pounding in his chest since he knew he was going to see her again. Maybe it would be the last time, some nasty voice in his head whispered, but he discarded it, trying to enjoy this little moment with her he was about to have.
She was beautiful when she stepped out of the car. He hadn't had much courage to really look at her back in the hospital, so right now he felt like he never wanted to stop looking. Also, he felt like they were terribly mismatched in that moment. She was wearing a long coat, had her make up on, skirt and high heels. He had old pair of jeans on him, a white undershirt and an old jacket carelessly put over it. He didn't even feel cold, he was so broken.
Once she came closer and stood right in front of him, he could see the sadness marring her beauty, or maybe not. She was and would always be beautiful to him, but he'd rather see her smile. He'd caused her to smile so many times and now he hated himself for doing just the opposite.
"You're not speaking to me for weeks, then I get a call that you were in an accident and you don't speak to me again. And now you want to meet? Why, Jack?" she asked, her voice already sounding tired.
She was probably exhausted because of him since she couldn't know whether he was coming home. She felt stuck, having no idea where to go, how to plan her future anymore. And he didn't know what to tell her. He wasn't ready to let her go, but maybe that was the right thing to do. That was why he'd called and asked to meet here, wasn't it?
"Why here? Why didn't you just come home?" she kept on asking, throwing one question after the other and he truly didn't know what to say.
He couldn't tell her the truth. The truth was that he was weak and once he walked into their apartment, he wouldn't be able to leave again. And then he would hurt her all over again.
"I just needed to see you," he finally settled on saying.
"So you said already. Over the phone. Jack," she said his name and stopped, then closed her eyes for a moment, sighing deeply. "What are you doing to yourself? You need to pull yourself together. You called me and you're speaking to me, so that's progress, but you need to meet me half-way here. I want to help you."
"I didn't want to meet so I could ask for help," he explained, "I wanted to say goodbye."
For a moment there, Alice seemed shocked, but then she recovered and just asked, "Why? Do you really want to end this marriage like this? Tell me you don't love me and maybe then I'll believe you," her voice grew bitter, bordering on resentfulness. At least this was better than crying, Alice thought, but still, she couldn't stop her eyes from getting a little bit wet.
"No, that's not it," Jack told her and she frowned, not understanding anything anymore. "I'm going back, Alice. I'm going back to the island," he finally told her the truth.
And here she thought him saying they were over would be a surprise
"What?!" she nearly screamed. "Are you crazy?! Well, wait, let me take that question back because you obviously are!"
"Calm down, Alice. I just..."
"Don't tell me to calm down! Locke got to you, didn't he? He visited you just like he visited me!"
"I'm not asking you to go with me. I would like that very much, but..." Jack just shook his head. "I don't care if we all need to come back. I care about you too much to ask you this."
"Good, then don't. And just so you know, I care about you just as much and maybe even more, considering what you've been doing to me those past few weeks! Jack," her voice came back to normal as she took a deep breath, "don't you dare thinking you need to come back. You've done enough. You've saved enough people back there. We would've been lost without you. You saved me!"
"Yes, but I need to save the rest as well. I have to."
"Why?"
"I just do. I feel like it's my..."
She actually slapped him across the face.
"You used to say there was no such thing as destiny, Jack! That you made your own luck! What happened to that? What made you change so much?!" When he didn't answer, she just asked, "Who's going to save you, Jack?" her voice wavered and when he still refused to talk, she just shook her head, brushing the tears away from her face with her hand. "Well, I'm not going with you."
"I didn't ask you to."
"But Locke did. And the answer is still no. I don't care if he's dead. I don't care if he killed himself. Apparently, he was just an old man looking for something grater in life, looking for a purpose. He was wrong, Jack and you are, too. I really hope you realize that before you'll become him. Goodbye."
She turned around and left, getting into her car and driving away.
She was even more shaken now than she'd been before seeing him. More hurt. More... everything. Was it so hard for him to just clean himself up from any drugs or alcohol and start fighting for her? Didn't he want them back together and happy? Why did he choose the more difficult alternative? Why was he coming back? Did finding out about Claire had gotten to him so much? If so, why wasn't he spending any time with Aaron? It was his nephew, after all.
Tears were flowing from Alice's eyes and suddenly, she saw a flash of light and heard a car horn. She panicked and screamed when another vehicle barely managed to pass her by. She then drove off the road and killed the engine, feeling her whole body shaking. Next thing she new, her head was on the steering wheel and she cried even harder, not able to catch her breath.
She forced herself to sit straight and to close her eyes and to just focus on breathing. Only breathing as they taught in yoga class. A deep breath in through the nose, a deep breath out through the mouth. She repeated that a few more times until she calmed herself down and was finally able to come back home. Only once she got there, she started crying all over again.
Alice was spread across the couch with a bottle of wine in her hand. There seemed to be no escape for her but to just lie there and drink. She never was a strong liquor kind of a girl, could never handle it and felt terrible after even one small glass. She did like her wine, though and tonight she would drink as much as she wanted as she couldn't find another way to dull her pain anymore.
She officially lost Jack. They were just over. She couldn't dissuade him from coming back and she refused to come with him. That island only brought her misery. What would they even do after coming back there? Save the people they left behind? How? How would they ever get them all back home without raising any suspicions? There were only seven survivors from the flight Oceanic 815. Seven. Not even one more. They'd all lied about that. They'd all made sure the island and everyone on it would never be found.
The island... she wondered. It'd been moved, so how Jack would even find it again? Did he have some directions from Locke? What about the others?
Alice didn't know. She could call the rest and ask about it, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to go back. She didn't want to think about Claire, about Aaron being raised without his biological mother, about James... Even though he was a jackass most of the times, she missed him so much! And now she was about to lose Jack, too.
Maybe it was under the influence of the alcohol or maybe she just remembered it all by herself. She wasn't drunk enough to make stupid mistakes, she was drunk just enough to think clearly. Just enough to find that particular clarity in things and she remembered a conversation she'd once had with her mother.
"You'd be an amazing mother one day, Alice," Katherine Stevens said during one of their movie nights. Her sister was usually there, too, but this time she couldn't make it. "When it comes to Annie... you know how she is," Alice's mother continued, "she's an amazing person, but she's all about fun. You, on the other hand, I see you with a husband. I see you in a solid relationship. I see you being the best mother you could be, even better than me," that last one came out as an obvious joke.
"Oh, someone's cocky," Alice teased and they both laughed.
"Well, I'm doing the best I can," her mom added when they got serious again.
"I know and I love you for it," Alice assured her.
"I love you, too, baby. You just keep on working hard. Remember that, all right? Keep on believing and keep on loving. Remember never to give up. Relationships, having a family, it's hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It's a lot of work. It's like having a job outside of your job, but I promise you, honey, it'll all be worth it in the end."
Alice started crying all over again as her mother's words started coming back to her. She couldn't stand this anymore, this situation she was in. She'd tried. She'd tried so hard, but then she'd given up. Maybe Jack had given up first, but she had, too. She hadn't fought hard enough. And now he was gone. He was coming back to the island.
Suddenly, Alice gasped and sat up straight, placing a glass half full of wine on the table. She couldn't have kids. What did she have, really? What did she really have in this world? And if she truly had nothing left beside her broken relationship with Jack, maybe she should risk it all. Maybe she should come back just to be with him. And if they died, at least then they could die together. Maybe the island would make him feel better. Maybe he'd remember how they'd first fallen in love. Maybe he'd want to work on their relationship. Maybe she should risk it all for love. She should come back just to be with him. Then she remembered something else, Jack's words: If we're not going to live together, we're gonna die alone.
The decision had been made. She would still make her mother proud. She was going back to the island. She was risking everything. For love.
A few cups of strong coffee later, Alice sobered up enough to think clearly. She didn't change her mind, though. She was really coming back. She recognized the feeling inside of her now. All she'd felt since she'd left the island, it wasn't that she only missed her friends, it was guilt. She was pretty sure that Jack felt it, too. Maybe he even chose to come back because he was tired of feeling guilty all the time. That she actually could understand. Then she thought of all the people who might be going back with Jack and she wondered about Kate. In the end, she decided to call her.
"Alice," Kate answered fast, but she seemed in a hurry somehow. "I was just about to call you!" she said.
"Why? Did something happen?" Alice automatically asked.
"I..." Kate started and stopped. "I don't really know how to say this..."
"You're going back to the island," Alice realized right then and there.
"Yeah... How did you know? Wait, Jack already talked to you, didn't he?"
"It wasn't pleasant," Alice admitted. "He basically said goodbye."
"I'm so sorry, Alice, because that's exactly what I wanted to say."
"How are you going to get back?" Alice just asked.
"There's a woman, Faraday's mother, she knows which plane to take to land back on the island," Kate informed. "Alice, I'm really sorry I need to say goodbye over the phone and I'm sorry that I don't have the time to explain it better to you, but..."
"Which plane?" Alice just asked, interrupting again and for a moment, there was silence and then Kate gave her the needed information.
Even if love was gone, Alice thought while boarding the plane, she still had a debt to pay. Jack had once saved her life and she owed him. It was time for her to return the favor. She knew enough by now and she'd done so much growing up as not to have illusions that once you found the love of your life, everything would go just smoothly. In never happened in real life. There were moments. Moments of happiness and that was just about it. There was more misery, doubt and being lost than actually knowing one's place and being happy in love. Sometimes there was even more death than life surrounding you.
She boarded the plane in the last minute. Jack and everyone else beside Kate – whom Alice had sworn to secrecy – had no idea she was coming. She'd been so close to not coming, though.
At the airport they told her that all the tickets had been sold out and then she bumped into Hurley. Hurley who'd actually bought all the free seats because he didn't want to risk anyone else's life in case the plane would crash again. Good, old Hugo. He always had such a good heart, Alice thought. He gave her a ticket without asking her any questions and she appreciated that he respected her right to choose. Besides, Jack's was on the plane, so where else she was supposed to be if not by his side?
As she made the first step into the plane, she felt scared out of her mind. Deep down inside she didn't want to go back, but she wouldn't really be living without Jack even if she was safe. When love was about being safe anyway? She wondered. The only way for her was to go with him.
She spotted him sitting in the back and looking through the window. She ignored Sayid's surprised look and then Sun's and finally, she reached her husband as he raised his head to see who was towering over him and then opened his mouth in surprise.
She was actually pleasantly surprised as well since he shaved and resembled his old self and not the shaky, drunk version she had burnt into her mind. What more, he wore a suit. She could also smell his usual cologne - the one she loved so much.
She didn't speak at first. She just took the free seat right next to him.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, shock slowly wearing off.
"I'm here because I love you, Jack," she simply said when looking him in the eye. She already risked everything, so she could as well go all the way and say it. "I'm just so much in love with you. I have been from the first moment we met and I am not giving up on us. I will never give up."
Once she said that, tears welled up in his eyes.
Could he really be that lucky? Could he really have it all? Jack thought in that moment. Could he come back to the island and get Alice back in the same time? Apparently, he could.
He was just about to say something, already opening his mouth when they heard the pilot through the speakers. It was Frank Lapidus.
Jack and Alice exchanged surprised looks. If they still weren't sure they were really going back, now there was no doubt. Alice felt surreal as though she was dreaming instead of being awake as never in her wildest dreams had she thought this would happen.
Jack left to talk to Frank. She watched them and saw the look on Lapidus's face when he slowly spotted everyone he knew.
"Oh, damn, we're not going to Guam, are we?" she could read from the movements of his lips.
"Excuse me, is Mr. Shephard sitting here?" a flight attendant interrupted Alice in that moment.
"Yes," Alice confirmed.
"This was found in his cargo. It's addressed to him." The woman handed Alice an envelope with Jack's name written on it.
"Thank you," Alice said as she took it and the flight attendant smiled to her before walking away.
She gave Jack the letter when he came back and quickly noticed that he paled.
"What is it?" she asked in curiosity.
"It's... It's John's suicide note," Jack explained. "I didn't want to open it so I left it with... with the body. Now I just think I have to read it. It seems to keep coming back to me as though Locke really wants me to read it." He played with the letter in his hands, still not ready to read what it said.
"Maybe we could read it together?" Alice suggested then, not sure whether it was a good idea and whether they were close enough now to share such secrets. They'd used to and it was just another painful memory. Still, she told herself they were on their best way to mend things.
Jack didn't answer her, instead he just ripped the envelope open and spread the thin sheet of paper, holding it up so that Alice could read it, too.
I wish you had believed me, was all the note said and Jack put it down immediately, rubbing his eyes.
Alice didn't know what to say, so she just reached out and took his hand. They were sitting like that for a long time until the plane suddenly hit turbulence. And it didn't get better, it only worsened.
Their hold only tightened and they looked one another in the eye. "I love you," Jack said and Alice stopped being afraid. She didn't care what would happen now. She didn't care if they crashed. All she cared about was having him there with her.
"I love you," she answered him and there was a flash of light and nothing after that.
When she finally came to, she had a terrible headache, making it nearly impossible for her to think. For now, she knew that she was lying down on something hard and uncomfortable and she started panicking. Then she forced herself to take a few deep breaths and as the wet humid air made its way into her lungs, her head cleared enough for her to finally open her eyes.
Wet humid air, she immediately realized, splitting her eyes open and looking at what she saw above her. Trees. Green, enormous trees in the company of the characteristic air meant that they made it – they were back on the island.
"Jack," she whispered, reminding herself of the reason she decided to come back and she slowly sat up, looking around.
As it turned out, Jack was lying right next to her, but she didn't spot anyone else. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they'd been sitting together, crossed her mind, but she refused to stop long enough to actually figure out how she and Jack found themselves in the middle of the jungle with no scratch on them and without a plane they'd previously been on.
"Jack!" she calling him, shaking him awake. When he finally opened his eyes, for a moment there he was just looking at her in disorientation. "Are you all right?! Jack!" she repeated, truly starting to panic.
"Yeah..." he finally spoke when putting his hand to his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Where are we?"
"It looks like the island," she answered when getting up to her feet and looking around, trying to pinpoint the exact place they were in.
In that moment she was hit with a wave of nausea and pain in her middle, which caused her to actually bend in a half.
"What's wrong?!" Jack was immediately by her side, placing his hands on her shoulders, worried sick about her. "Honey, please, tell me what's wrong."
She didn't even notice that he called her honey, she just said, "Something is wrong," and once she grabbed a hold on herself and tried to get used to her ability that clearly came back once she found herself back on the island, she took up running. Jack followed her, not having another choice.
He knew that his wife's ability came back once they stopped at the edge of a
waterfall and saw Hurley deep below, drowning. They simply looked at each other and just held hands. Next thing they did was to jump.
It actually felt good, Alice realized. It felt amazing as though nothing had happened to her and Jack to break them apart, as though they were a team again.
Once they were in the water and swam to the surface, Jack made his way to Hugo to help him out whereas Alice looked around and finally noticed Kate lying on a pile of rocks. She really hoped her friend was all right when she swam over.
"Kate?" she asked when turning her on her back. The woman didn't seem to have any injuries either and Alice's head was spinning from all the questions she had. How was there no plane? Had they fallen from the sky and landed here? But again, how?! They should've been dead. Yes, it was definitely easier to live in the normal world, Alice decided, at least there she didn't have to bother with such crazy questions.
Kate woke up, just as equally confused as all of them were and Jack managed to help Hurley to the shore. They started looking for the rest, but they couldn't locate Sayid or Sun.
"Maybe we should just go to our beach," Kate suggested and they were all about to listen to her when they stilled, hearing music and a car engine running. Soon enough, one of the Dharma cars stopped right in front of them and... the man who got out of it was Jin.
"Dude!" Hurley said. "Jin?"
The Korean was just as surprised as they all were. Or maybe they were more, judging by the Dharma suit he wore and the car he drove. And his perfect English, that was.
Jin quickly got them all into his car, making a call to someone called LaFleur on the way and refusing to answer any questions. He just told them they would find out about everything soon enough and then the only thing he asked about was his wife.
Once the car stopped and they all got out of it, kind of recognizing the area they were in but in the same time surprised by how different it seemed; another car drove by and... it was Sawyer who got out of it.
Alice was the first person who actually showed some enthusiasm and joy, but first she froze, not truly believing her own eyes that she finally saw him. Next, she simply called out his name and ran towards him and he caught her when laughing and spreading his arms to greet her. Alice hugged him tightly, making sure that he was really there alive and breathing.
"Hey, there, sweetheart," he whispered into her ear.
Once they let go of each other, she noticed the awkward tension between James and Kate. The brunette didn't really know how to act and somehow Alice could sense why. James seemed different somehow and he definitely didn't react the way they expected he would on seeing Kate.
Eventually, Hurley ran to him, calling him dude and hugging him and then Kate finally came around. Still, Alice frowned on seeing how weird James was with it all and how bizarre the brunette acted.
"So, what's with the Dharma suit, dude?" Hurley asked Sawyer when they were done with saying hi, Jack last in line.
"You didn't tell them?" James turned to Jin.
"No, I waited for you to do it."
James sighed and then he said, "So, we're in the Dharma Initiative," he informed.
"They came back to the island?" Jack asked in a surprise.
"No," James denied, "we came back. It's 1977."
"Oh, what?" Hugo was the first one to react and the rest of them truly had nothing better to say.
"We've been working in Dharma for three years now," James followed.
"I got to run," Jin told him in that moment, clearly feeling very impatient.
"What? No! We need to figure out what we're gonna do with them, man!" Sawyer protested.
"If Sun's here, I need to get her! I'm going to Radzinsky! He'd know if a plane came down!" And just like that, Jin was gone, taking his car and leaving them all to fend for themselves.
"James, slow down..." Alice just said. "I don't understand. How can we just travel in time?"
"All I know, sweetheart, is that when you all got out and Ben moved the island, we started doin' just that. It stopped when Locke left. He must've done something that saved us and we got stuck here," James explained. "Where is he anyway?"
"Locke?" Jack made sure. "Sawyer... Locke is... Locke is dead."
James's expression faltered. "What the hell happened?"
Only no one wanted to give him an answer as though they were all ashamed of what had really happened and how Locke must've taken his own life to convince them to go back.
"All right, we ain't got no time for this now," James decided. "Just sit here tight and I'll figure something out! I'll be right back! And don't call me Sawyer!" He turned around one last time. "Here everyone knows me by LaFleur!"
"Wait! Who's in Dharma beside you and Jin?" Kate called after him, but even though he stopped for moment, he decided not to answer for some reason.
"I'll be right back!" was all he said before leaving.
Even though Alice wasn't looking at him at the moment, she could feel how close she actually was to Jack. She could just feel him there, moving, his eyes set on her, but he didn't know what to do or say. Eventually, she chose to go over to Kate. She had some questions she needed the answers to and Jack wasn't exactly eager to ask them himself. And he should, Alice thought bitterly. He should because it concerned his nephew. She still couldn't understand why he hated kids so much. Maybe not hated, but he was somehow scared of them.
"Kate," Alice asked gently. "Kate, may I ask what happened? Why did you come back? Where's Aaron?"
Kate was sitting on a rock and looking into the distance, not seeing anything in particular. Alice could only imagine what was going on in her head. She was wondering what was wrong with James, too, if she were to be honest. Maybe asking Kate about something else than Sawyer was a good thing to do just because of that. She could still feel Jack's eyes on her, but she refused to look back at him. They'd had a moment back on the plane and once they'd woken up in the jungle, but
she knew it wasn't nearly enough to just forget everything that had happened between them. It was simply too much. She needed time to heal and he needed it, too. Maybe... hopefully, they could do it together on the island. She still loved Jack with all her heart and that would never change, but she couldn't just jump into his arms right away. Not after everything he did.
Instead, Alice squatted in front of Kate and looked up at her.
"Are you all right?" she asked, worried about her friend and the state she seemed to be in. Maybe it was shock. Maybe something else.
"I left him where he belonged," Kate finally spoke, clearly meaning Aaron. "With his
grandmother. And I came back here to get Claire. She should raise him, not me."
"Well, for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. We just need to stick together and survive it this time, too," Alice assured Kate and then touched her hand briefly.
Kate just smiled sadly in response and finally, Alice located herself on the ground near her friend and they were sitting together in silence for quite some time until they heard the familiar sound of the Dharma car's engine and saw Sawyer – or maybe rather LaFleur – coming back.
"All right, there's a new sub coming soon, so we need to hurry. Juliet and I got your names on the list in the last moment," he informed when opening the door of the car for them all to hop in.
"Juliet?" Jack asked in surprise. "She's there, too?"
"Yeah, she is," James cut his answer short and they were ready to go.
Jack sat right next to Alice on the back seat as there wasn't much to choose from, Kate sitting on Alice's other side because naturally, Hurley needed to take the front seat.
James couldn't hide his curiosity and was peaking at both Alice and Jack in the front mirror, noticing the awkwardness and the never before seen distance between those two. He wondered what could've possibly caused this trouble in paradise and Alice finally caught his eyes in the mirror, noticing him staring.
Jack, on the other hand, was wondering what he should do. Should he take Alice's hand? Would she push him away? She was sitting so close to him he could actually feel the heat of her body and everything inside of him started to boil. He suddenly wished they'd already reached their destination because he wasn't sure how long he could stand being this close to her and not being able to touch her. He even started wondering whether he'd done the right thing. Wouldn't it just be easier to come back home to her? To be her husband? To simply be there for her when she needed
him the most? Well, apparently not, so he now deserved everything he was getting.
The car finally arrived at Dharma and Sawyer – LaFleur – quickly told them all where to go and how to act in order to be taken for the new recruits. There was one thing James hadn't foreseen, though – that Sayid would be caught as a hostile by one of the original Dharma members.