CHAPTER 8
"Here you go Hodgkins! Roast chicken and turkey with Cajun and paprika seasoning on rye bread with lettuce and tomatoes plus a tuna salad on the side." 99 announced handing over the neatly rolled top paper bag over the table.
The Chief's assistant rose to his feet, his permanently slacking cheeks looking just slightly better than his haggard black suit and tie rose to his feet with surprising speed to take the proffered lunch.
"Thank you so much Ninety-Nine!" he declared as he held the bag which was still hot to the touch.
Hodgkin's face fell even more than it could though his eyes as always was brighter than the light reflecting off his bald pate whenever 99 was around as he added.
"I REALLY feel bad about this! I mean, first day you're back to work with all your injuries and you make me lunch. I would'ev remembered da call and tell you not to trouble yourself this round but with the Chief coming back I wanted da get everything ready for him."
"It's not a problem Hodgkins!" 99 smiled lifting at least 4 lines from under each of Hodgkin's eyes as she emphasized her assurance with a nod of her head which bounced her rich brown hair now styled into a simple short bob with lustrous volume at the back of the head curving to her nape, even eye brow level bangs and sideburns levelled with her glowing symmetrical cheek bones.
However, instantly, her sapphire eyes narrowed slightly and her graceful lean neck bent forward elegantly bared by the large rolled collar of her carnation pink chiffon blouse with long bishop sleeves. The colour of the material highlighted the small dark pendant she wore suspended by a gold chain to rest right where the blouse peaked with the curves of her breasts.
"The Chief is coming back." 99 repeated and as Hodgkins affirmed with a nod that sent flashes of glare from his bald head, she asked. "He'd been away?"
"Oh yes. This'll be the first time he's back in the office for two weeks."
"Oh my!" 99 gasped softly shifting her weight on her feet causing her lean calves to flex, while her thighs moved smoothly within her above knee length fitted black skirt. "You mean…"
She was interrupted by a whoosh and turning, her blue eyes brightened even further along with her smile as the sliding door moved aside to emit Max, trotting happily into the outer office, decked out in a Dim gray suit and matching double breasted vest that made his crimson tie stand out.
"Max! Welcome back!" 99 declared with a tilt of her short bob as Hodgkins sat back down and put his lunch away.
"Thank you Ninety-Nine!" Max nodded sharply as 99 gestured with her slender hands at his face.
"Max, the bruises on your face are gone! Are your ribs and chest okay? And your back and shoulders?"
"You bet!" Max nodded again flicking his hands up and down over his sports jacket. "From a giant purple bruise, now I just look like a guy who's had a GREAT tan!—" He gestured at 99's arm as he noted. "And you. No more sling I see."
99 nodded happily as she touched her left deltoid.
"Back to full mobility Max, thank you. Max, Hodgkins said the Chief's been away for over two weeks and he's just coming in to the office today."
Max squinted his beady eyes as he pondered while sweeping his sports jacket open to put his hands on his hips, revealing the 2 gleaming column of buttons on his vest.
"Two weeks? We got back from COLORADO two weeks ago."
"That's right." Hodgkins confirmed again as he pulled files from his drawer and shuffled them with others on his desk. "The day after the three of you got back and you two were off on sick leave, the Chief was summoned to the White House. He's been pretty much camped out there till today. I've been running back and forth bringing him files, data and research for his briefings to the President."
"About what happened in Colorado?" 99 enquired.
"Along with everything leading up to it..." Hodgkins paused to gaze up at the ceiling as his brows knotted threatening to send a canyon up his bare head as he tried to recall. "…plus every case going as far back as that KAOS agent Conrad Bunny and Bowers Department Store. He said the president was asking a lot of questions. That's why he wanted to see the two of you the moment you got in today."
"I KNEW I should'ev asked for that raise three months back!" Max grimaced with a snap of his fingers.
"Is CONTROL in trouble Hodgkins?" 99 asked.
"I don't know bout that." Hodgkins shook his head causing Max to blink from the flashing glare off his hairless pate. "But I got a call just before you came in. The Chief is on his way now…oh here he is!"
Max and 99 turned at the familiar sound of the sliding door and the Chief swept into the outer office, dressed in a suit of light gray tweed sports jacket, black pants and a black and scarlet striped tie. His face was even more tired than usual but upon seeing them, he broke into a genuine smile with his arms spread.
"Max! Ninety-Nine! Good to have you both back! Quickly, in my office. Hodgkins, hold all calls please!"
"Right Chief!"
Max gladly turned away from the final blinding blaze reflected off Hodgkin's flashing dome as the assistant picked up the phone. With quick strides, he followed the Chief with 99. Once the main office door slid shut behind them, the Chief proceeded behind his desk asking as he sat down.
"How are you two feeling? Fully recovered?"
"Ready da go Chief!" Max declared with a nod as 99 lifted her right thigh to sit herself on the end of the Chief's desk to his right. "My country can call on me to do anything and everything! All except ONE thing!"
"What's that?" the Chief frowned.
And Max gave a lop-sided grin as he bent his knees out to the side and placed a hand over his butt with the reply.
"Undercover jockey."
As 99's eyes widened and her soft lips opened in a sympathetic "O", the Chief nodded emphatically as he gestured with his hands over his desk.
"Yes. All my joints are still pretty bruised from being thrown about by the explosions. And being snowed in for days inside the hangar before the Army and Air Force finally dug us out, won't rate among my fondest memories either."
"Yes." Max nodded and flicked a finger for emphasis as he continued. "Though I'm surprised Area-Fifty-Three-D's mess hall serves such fantastic STEAKS! I should'ev joined the Air Force instead of the Army!"
As the Chief tilted his head in amusement, 99 leaned towards him asking.
"Chief. Hodgkins told us you've been at the White House for two weeks straight since we came back from Colorado. Has something happened?"
"Fallout, rather." The Chief sighed resting his elbows on his desk top and his hands constantly moving as he explained. "JOINT, Cross-Agency Emergency session—with the President, Secretary of Defence, Joint-Chiefs and Directors of the C-I-A, N-S-A, Naval Intelligence, F-B-I, Air Force Security Service, you name it! The security of Area-Fifty-Three-D was compromised and the president is FURIOUS and wanted answers as to HOW! He demanded everyone from the Joint Chief's Chairman to the heads of every intelligence service to offer an explanation and present a detailed strategy on how we were all going to deal with this unprecedented breach of security! Area-Fifty-Three-D was one of the most highly guarded secrets in the country! It's existence outside of the base personnel, known only to the Directors of all the intelligence agencies, Sec Def AND the President. So HOW did KAOS find OUT about it?! And—" the Chief grimaced gesturing at himself. "—lucky ME got to repeat in DETAIL our reports on everything that happened from the Cramley leading up to Area-Fifty-Three-D, EVERY morning for the last two weeks, serving as a highly convenient target for three hours each day in front of a dozen heads of departments trying to push the blame to someone ELSE!"
The Chief closed his eyes, shaking his head as he massaged the bridge of his nose as Max exclaimed, with one thumb hooked in his vest pocket and gesturing with his free hand.
"But CHIEF! The president can't still be mad at US! I mean, we stopped KAOS from taking the S-R-P Fifty fuel AND the Super Sleep antidote! AND we captured another nine KAOS agents at Area-Fifty-Three-D!"
"Well the president is NOT too impressed given KAOS should never have KNOWN about Area-Fifty-Three-D in the FIRST place!" the Chief declared. "And KAOS DID get away with the X-Ten missile detector. When their scientists reverse engineer and mass produce it, any Iron Curtain country will have a significant advancement in their missile detection capabilities. And the fact that the Air Force is near perfecting the next generation of laser powered detection systems is NOT providing much comfort to the oval office at the moment!"
"But Chief." 99 asked with a frown of her delicate brows. "I thought it was clear how KAOS knew about Area-Fifty-Three-D. They had Colonel Archer kidnapped and brainwashed and got all the information from him. KAOS is always out to kidnap high ranking military officers and government officials."
"And they CONVENIENTLY kidnapped the EXACT military officer who not only KNEW about Area-Fifty-Three-D but was also it's commanding officer?" the Chief asked giving both of them a sideways glance before shaking his head. "No. It's TOO much of a coincidence!—" The Chief stabbed his desk with a finger to emphasize his certainty. "—KAOS TARGETED Archer SPECIFICALLY! Meaning they KNEW about Area-Fifty-Three-D from the beginning and KNEW that he was the commanding officer!"
"Chief, how did KAOS managed to kidnap and brainwash a person as critical as Colonel Archer without anyone knowing it?" Max queried.
The Chief sighed with a raised finger.
"Actually, I know exactly how. The colonel had just returned from a three week vacation in Bear Lake, Alaska. I was actually supposed da join him for about two weeks but I just couldn't get away with KAOS being so active."
"It's a good thing too Chief, otherwise they would have kidnapped you too!" 99's eyes widened with blue light.
"What's going to happen to Colonel Archer, Chief?" this from Max.
The Chief tilted his head sadly, spreading his hands.
"Professor Windish examined him and discovered trauma to his optic nerves. He believes the Marquise used a combination of light frequencies and sound to literally reprogram his mind. The professor believes he can undo the programming over time but as it is—I'm afraid the colonel will be forced into retirement. The military will never trust him again!"
"That's horrible!" 99 breathed out. "And imagine him having to live with the fact that he indirectly caused the deaths of a number of his own people in the base."
"Well, on the bright side—" Max tilted his head with a pout. "—he could always go work for KAOS!"
"Max!" 99 exclaimed turning her head slightly over her shoulder to gape at him. "KAOS represents evil!"
"And pays a LOT better too!"
As 99 pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him, the Chief continued his hands gesturing, finger tips on each hand inches from their opposing number.
"And Area-Fifty-Three-D is just the LATEST in a series of high level security breaches! KAOS has somehow been able to get their hands on various classified data with alarming EASE. We've shut down many of their SMUGGLING operations but HOW are they getting the information in the FIRST place? Operation Skyblast, that the European KAOS agents in Bowers Department Store were trying to smuggle out in talking dolls—the NSA's spy satellite Star View and as this case made it painfully apparent—the U.S Chemical Corps Super Sleep, both which von Graf managed to transmit to KAOS headquarters behind the Iron Curtain and what he luckily failed to transmit, Project Phalanx!—ALL of these classified Top Secret!"
"I hope the president doesn't think the leak's in CONTROL!" Max scoffed and punctuated with a sharp nod. "I mean when we leak out classified military secrets to our enemies, you can bet we KNOW we're doing it!"
With that of course, Max squinted and turned his head reflecting on what he just said while the Chief leaned back in his chair tossing his hands up.
"Well, despite how dire the situation, it does give rise to some good news for us."
"How is that Chief?" 99 asked pressing her palm to lean on the table top to lean forward.
"Well, fortunately, it's the C-I-A who's in charge of investigating the leak and they haven't made ANY progress for nearly seven MONTHS now!" the Chief shrugged and with a sigh added. "So if there's a silver lining to this, especially with the Area-Fifty-Three-D debacle, the president is more upset with THEM at the moment, giving CONTROL a bit of breathing room!"
"I see." Max said grasping his chin between his index finger and thumb in deep thought. "And how long do you think the president will give us this breathing room Chief?"
"There's no way to tell." The Chief declared. "Why?"
"I'm wondering how long it will take us."
"To find out the source of the leak before the C-I-A does and prove CONTROL's worth once and for all to the White House?" asked 99 to which Max replied, in deep focus.
"No, to get my raise before the president REALLY cuts our budget."
The Chief's face sank as he bowed his head to massage the bridge of his nose again while 99 gave a smirk as she rolled her eyes sideways at Max.
"Chief, what can we do now? Track down S-S-Nineteen and the Oberführer? If we can find them it might lead us to the source of the leak." 99 offered.
The Chief finally looked up and raised his hands as he shook his head.
"No, no. We'll leave it to our Intelligence section to try and find out more about them first. For now I've placed von Graf and S-S-Nineteen on our One-Oh-One list. Let's all just stay focused on other cases cropping up. We've definitely not seen the last of these security breaches and we have to be ready to stop KAOS while the C-I-A continue to hunt for the source."
"Chief, you've been at the White House since we got back from Colorado?" 99 asked reaching out a slender hand touch the Chief's shoulder. "You look like you really could use a respite."
"And a break wouldn't be a bad idea too." Max nodded in agreement with his thumbs hooked in his vest pockets.
As 99 beamed in amusement at Max, the Chief nodded tiredly with both hands raised as though he was trying to push back an invisible wall.
"Yes! I couldn't agree more! THIS—I have to say has been one of the most TRYING cases I have dealt with. In fact, I should count myself lucky the president let us all go RIGHT on time for my vacation!"
"That's right Chief! The long weekend you've been planning! Starts tomorrow right?" Max enquired.
"YES! A LOOOONG-long-weekend!" The Chief smiled openly closing his fists in joy.
"Where're you going Chief?" 99 asked
"It's a fabulous golf resort up the coast." The Chief declared moving his hands apart from each other in the air as though he could spread out an image of the facility before them. "Full eighteen-hole course, day spa, golf lodge—way out of my price range I have to say but I NEED it!"
As 99 smiled in agreement, and the Chief nodded wearily, Max suggested.
"Say Chief, after two weeks of dodging bullets at the White House, what would it hurt for you da get a head start! Why don't you just take the day off, relax and start getting ready. I'm all set da handle things here."
The Chief took a deep breath as he nodded and stood up along with 99.
"Thank you Max! That…that is a good idea! I'll need the time to pack my golf clubs too and…Max, you know where my special phone is? Right…"
"Right down there in the bottom drawer on your right." Max affirmed unhooking one thumb from his vest pockets to gesture to where he was referring. "And right in the drawer above that is the key to the other drawer behind the book case where the combination for the safe and so on—Chief! I assure you I have EVERYTHING under control!"
The Chief sighed nodding at Max's confident nod though he knew, more often than not, it was a harbinger of some form of migraine triggering event. But if only to get himself closer to his much needed vacation, the Chief smiled and acknowledged.
"Yes Max, I know I can count on you. And…oh! Speaking of phones…here, you'll need this." The Chief rummaged into his tweed sports jacket's lower pocket and emerged with a key that he handed over to Max. "This is the key to the presidential hot line."
"Key?" Max frowned as he looked at the device he was handed. "What happened to the bull's head phone?"
"Oh while you two were recovering, the lab took it back for modifications, thank HEAVENS!" the Chief grimaced. "When it gets back, hopefully I can use it without getting a HERNIA each time! The temporary phone is MUCH simpler.—" The Chief pointed to his right at the book case. "See that set of five large encyclopaedia with the gold and black spines? It's fake. The hot line is behind it in a locked red box and that's the key."
"Gaddit Chief!" Max nodded slipping the key into a vest pocket. "You head on back now. I'll see you at your apartment bright and early tomorrow morning, standard security protocols!"
"Oh yes!" the Chief rolled his eyes and scoffed. "The highly dignified fire-escape-exit from my own apartment!"
"We can't take any chances Chief." Max declared.
"Especially in light of what happened with Colonel Archer." 99 added.
"You're both right of course." The Chief agreed as 99 moved aside for him to step out from behind his desk and he closed his eyes for a moment imagining with his hands moving to demonstrate what he desired. "I'm just looking forward to driving through that lush bright green turf, warm comforting sun in my face as I swing my nine iron and when it DOES get cooler at night, by then, I'll be sitting with my pipe in front of a warm fire in the lodge with a soothing nightcap."
"That sounds wonderful Chief! You've earned it!" 99 laughed softly, as they all started towards the door.
"Well one thing is for certain!" the Chief declared with both his hands raised as 99's laugher soothed him further towards peace and clam. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, Colorado is beautiful, but after this case—I have had ENOUGH of snow, ice and COLD for a LOOOONG while!"
Max beamed confidently as he placed a reassuring hand on the Chief's back as the trio approached the door, gesturing with grand sweeps of his free arm as he declared with absolute, immovable certainty.
"Don't you worry Chief! I can gua-ran-TEE, that by tomorrow evening, you'll have EVERYTHING you asked for—a fabulous green golf course far as your eyes can see, fresh air, delightful soothing sun on your face and warm cosy fireplace!—" Max whips his palm through the air with each following exclamation. "—No ICE! No FROST! No COLD! Especially with—" Max points an index finger to his temple as he continues "—the highly trained instincts—" Then points to his eye. "—and EAGLE EYE of Maxwell SMART—escorting you to your vacation!"
As they passed through his office door, 86's final words made the Chief for some reason, turn his head to stare with dread and a sense of dark foreboding at Max's beaming, big eared, beady eyed, all too happy face.
…..and to find out why, watch the original series, Season 1, Episode 9, Satan Place…poor Chief!...
THE END
Written by
Resurgent-class
To everyone who managed to read the entire fan-fic or even part of it! Thank you SO MUCH! I hope you've all enjoyed it. Please do leave a review and let me know what you think, especially if you DIDN'T enjoy it, cause I really wanna improve future works!
Once again, I hope you liked the story and in time, I hope to have the next one in my series out. Till then, happy writing and reading everyone!
As always, we end with some Trivia for those who are keen!
SS-19 to Kerstin over the walkie-talkie: "Kerstin. Die Tür bitte"
The door please.
Max compares his first close up view of SS-19 as being as scary as Gollywoggles which are the imaginary creatures and object of Max's greatest phobia, mentioned and featured in Season 3, Episode 3, Witness for the Persecution.
SS-19: "Rilski! Pomognete da zaredite kamionite!"
Help load the trucks!
Lacza to SS-19: "Igen parancsnok!"
Yes Commander!
In the aftermath of the fight in Colonel Archer's office, Max craves for a Gibson which is established in the original series, Season 3, Episode 23, Run, Robot, Run, as his preferred after dinner drink. Thought they had not actually had dinner at this time in this fan-fic, Max may have felt the fight was sufficient justification for liquour.
Gerd: "Klehr, Mach unser Fahrzeug bereit."
"Klehr, get our vehicle ready."
Klehr to Gerd: "Vollmar! Die Gefangenen sind entkommen!"
The prisoners have escaped!
Gerd about Max being so lucky as to miss being hit by falling down: "Glücks-dummkopft!"
Lucky idiot!
Lacza on why the hangar door was closing: "Mi történik?!"
What's happening?!
SS-19 on Walkie-Talkie upon seeing the hangar door closing: "... Jäger Scout Leedar come in...Gerd! Ist etwas falsch?!"
"Is something wrong?!"
SS-19 on Walkie-Talkie: "Kerstin! Wo bist du?!"
Where are you?!
Yakovlevich sick of Lorenc's verbal abuse: "Oooooh SHAD UP you glupyy Amerikanskiy!" We NOT your beskharakternyy, cow-wad re-CRUITS!"
Stupid American! Spineless
Yakovlevich at Lorenc: "…becauze Soviet Union SAVE your over grown yagoditsa!"
buttock
Rilski upon seeing Lorenc shot: "Kakvo po dyavolite?!"
"What the hell?!"
Yakovlevich just before he is shot: "Etot den' polon der'ma!"
This day is full of shit!
Leoni reporting to SS-19 on the shooter: "Non! But he eez soooting les camions!"
No! the trucks!
SS-19 on realising where 99 was: "Natürlich ist es sie!"
Of course it's her!
SS-19 on Walkie-Talkie: "SS-19 to Gerd! Wenn du noch lebst, verlasse jetzt! Rendezvous planen Alpha acht! Ich wiederhole! Rendezvous planen Alpha acht!"
"….If you are alive, go now. Rendezvous Plan Alpha Eight! I repeat!..."
Mikhail as his truck almost exits Area 53D: "Den'gi! Prochnost'! A takzhe—PobedAAAAAAA"
"Money! Strength'! And also-Victoryyyyyyyy!"
Mikhail just before his truck is hit by the cannons: "YA skuchayu po Sibiri!"
"I miss Siberia!"
The concept of underground hangars does exist in reality and militaries of many countries including China, Albania, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, South Africa, Norway, Italy etc. have them, according to Wikipedia. However, the concept of an action sequence unfolding within such an installation, for myself at least, is inspired by the novel, Area 7, by Matthew Reilly, one of the greatest masters of action writing. The basic design of Area 53D's primary hangar area with the internal building and C&C with the angled glass windows is based to some extent on the main hangar area of Area 7 while I added the Vulcan cannons and revetments. But unlike Area 7, where the entire story takes place within the multi-levelled eponymous underground hangar, this fan-fic only features the climax of the story in Area 53D. And my details of the different areas of Area 53D are nowhere as detailed as that of Area 7. But just like Area 7, the final action sequence features a fist fight inside the C&C with the combatants falling out the angled glass windows. The fist fight in Area 7's C&C between protagonist Captain Shane M. Schofield call-sign Scarecrow and Major Kurt Logan, lead henchman of the antagonists, is relatively fast and short and when they fall out the glass windows, they land on a crate suspended via a rail system that ran the entire length of the main hangar area's ceiling. In this fan-fic, the fight between Gerd and Max is longer and when they fall out the window, they simply landed on the east catwalk.
The KAOS Annual Dance is mentioned again carrying the continuity from the original series where in Season 2, Episode 9, Rub-A-Dub-Dub... Three Spies in a Sub, Siegfried mentions this event and how his men loves to dance which I interpret as an interest shared by all KAOS agents.
It is not mentioned specifically here as I meant it as a plot point in later fan-fics which I hope I'll be able to write, but the pistol that Hayler carries in his shoulder holster and which 99 uses in the hangar shootout, is an FB Vis, produced by FB Radom of Poland from 1935 till the end of World War II in 1945. The distinctive feature being the words FB printed in the grip panel of the pistol which stands for Fabryka Broni (Arms Factory). After the Nazis invaded Poland, the pistols were commandeered and production continued for the Nazi military who issued it to their Fallschirmjäger and military police. This explains why Hayler, written as a former paratrooper in the war, carries it as his preferred sidearm. They were regarded as one of the finest, most accurate military pistols of the time with the best units produced prior to the Nazi invasion.
Although it is impossible to tell, some hand-to-hand tactics in the fight between Max and Gerd are taken from Die Hard 2, the first fight between John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Miller (Vondie Curtis-Hall) in the luggage handling area and Cliffhanger, the fight in the cave between Gabe Walker (Sylvester Stallone) and Kynette (Leon).
This was not mentioned in RADIO KAOS which introduced the Oberführer, but the reference model for this character's physical description is actually the actor Oscar Beregi who portrays 3 different roles, all KAOS agents seemingly of European origin, in the original series, namely the Beastmaster in Season 1, Episode 23, I'm Only Human, Dietrick in Season 4, Episode 17, Tequila Mockingbird and Victor Borgia in Season 5, Episode 24, Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America. His physical description in my fan-fics is slightly altered in terms of his eye-colour (I think as I can't see it clearly in Tequila Mockingbird) and the widows-peak which Beregi in his original series appearances does not display. The Oberführer's use of a monocle is also inspired by Dietrick who sports the corrective lens. Actors/actresses in multiple-roles is fairly common in the original series, among them, Diahn Williams portraying Van Cleef in Season 3, Episode 10, That Old Gang of Mine, and Bohrman in Season 5, Episode 6, Smart Fell on Alabama. CONTROL agent Porter featured in this fan-fic is portrayed in the original series by Victor Bozeman in Season 5, Episode 6, Smart Fell on Alabama, who also played Penwick in Season 4, Episode 26, The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 2. Lyn Peters portrayed both Mrs. Emily Neal (Season 3, Episode 23, Run, Robot, Run) and Dr. Canyon (Season 4, Episode 14, One Nation Invisible) and of course among the most famous actors of the original series, King Moody who prior to his iconic role of Shtarker, played KAOS agents George Markovich in Season 1, Episode 20, All in the Mind and Kirsch (KAOS Agent Y-11) in Season 2, Episode 1, Anatomy of a Lover. As such, the Oberführer is my contribution to this long standing tradition of the original series!
Von Graf about Mr Big: ""Eef Mister so-called-BEEG zhinks zhis ees a failure I vill PERSONALLY show eem just how geschrumpft ees HEAD ees!"
shrunken
Von Graf on SS-19 taking the blame for the failure of the final mission: "Nein! Noch nie!"
No! Never!
Von Graf to SS-19: "Eef Mister Big or any ov ees feelthy henchmen DARES lay a hand on you, I vill SQVEEZE zheir Fleischklößchen eento strudel!"
Meatballs
Von Graf to SS-19: "Jerry Dobring haz been going verrückt at you steeling ees verk!"
Crazy
Jerry Dobring mentioned by von Graf is the KAOS agent featured in Season 2, Episode 4, Maxwell Smart, Alias Jimmy Ballantine, where he operates Dobring's Barbershop, a KAOS front for moving information, cash, personnel, recording of military secrets carelessly revealed by government officials during their haircuts etc. Dobring also plans missions to raise funds for KAOS' operations such as bank robbing and the Chief states that with his arrest, they have put a stop to KAOS' robbery unit which is why I conceptualise in this fan-fic that Dobring is angry at SS-19 success as it is obviously casting him in a bad light.
Von Graf also mentions that Mr K, KAOS' financial genius has been receiving requests for funds from the proceeds of SS-19's robbery missions. Mr K is never seen in the original series but only mentioned once in Season 2, Episode 4, Maxwell Smart, Alias Jimmy Ballantine.
I know I am taking great liberties here with the canonicity of the original series by claiming that SS-19's operations in Out Think, Out Smart, Out Gas, lays the ground work and funding for a large number of the operations seen in the following seasons so apologies and no offence meant. Do feel free to provide your comments and feedback in your reviews. Anyway, here are the references for the operations von Graf reads out from the memos to Mr K:
$2 million to start Chinese Laundry shops across the U.S for data smuggling operation – from The Claw (not the Claw, the CLAW!)
This first memo refers to the plot seen in Season 1, Episode 25, The Amazing Harry Hoo, where the Claw is running the data smuggling ring and this fan-fic conceptualizes his escape from prison by this stage following the events of Season 1, Episode 1, Diplomat's Daughter. As mentioned earlier, this fan-fic also postulates that the Super Sleep tranquilizer gas is the tranquilizing agent used in the TK-800 tranquilizer bomb following modifications, the formula the Claw is trying to smuggle through the Chinese laundries.
$500,000 for R&D of explosive paint detonated via wide spectrum of ordinary stimulus ie kinetic impact, sound, variation etc. – from Rex Savage
This refers to the substance utilized in the plot of Season 1, Episode 17, Kisses for KAOS, engineered by Rex Savage which can contain vibration explosive, nitro etc. and rendered into paintings by KAOS painter Mondo. Von Graf tries and fails to matchmake SS-19 with Savage and thinks twice about it as he says he KAOS agent tends to murder all the women he is with using chemicals. In Kisses for KAOS, Savage does murder Greta Kovac after she starts asking questions on why a Washington consulate was destroyed. While it is unlikely that he would harm a fellow KAOS agent for no reason, I conceptualize Savage's background as a bit of a psychopath is as passionate with his chemical experiments as he is with seducing beautiful women and to him, murdering them with his designer chemicals is a conquest greater than bedding them.
Request for high-sensitive audio recording device and Flooding Phone Booth - from Dr. Myron Braam.
Season 1, Episode 20, All in the Mind. Where Dr Braam uses it to tape top secret information revealed by high ranking military officers during psychiatric sessions and the Flooding Phone Booth is used to kill his secretary and utilized but failed against Max and 99. Dr Braam is conceptualized in this fan-fic to be a good friend of von Graf's.
$120,000 for design and construction of atomic bomb targeting Blue Mist Mountain near P.D.Q Missile base to blame the U.S for breaking test ban.
The plot of Season 1, Episode 24, Stakeout on Blue Mist Mountain. The Chief mentions in the episode that KAOS had been paid to do this and this fan-fic postulates it is the U.S.S.R who hired KAOS especially following the Cuban Missile Crisis 3 years earlier.
$30,000 upgrade to sonic detonator and $50,000 upgrade to yatch's upholstery - from The Blaster.
Featured in Season 2, Episode 4, The Only Way to Die where The Blaster (alter ego, Antonio Carlos Carioca) plants explosives in government buildings and triggers it via a high-frequency sonic detonator built into his yatch, the El Amador's whistle. The Oberführer once again tries and fails to set SS-19 up with Carioca, even suggesting to pay for the upgrade of the El Amador's upholstery if she would find herself using it should she give in to Carioca's advances but again realizes it is a bad idea for in-addition to being the Blaster, Carioca is a playboy for real. This conceptualization I believe is quite accurate based on how he is appears to be trying to romance 99 and always asks for her to guard him during his visits.
Guns, Bombs, Poisons und Knives Division request to buy more guns, bombs, poisons and knives. There is no such division mentioned in the original series. I just made this up for fun! Just thought logically, an organization like KAOS would certainly have a division in charge of it's weapons and armaments.
$100,000 for R&D and production of synthetic catalytic onions triggering explosives upon contact with various alcohols, atropine infused soap, battery deactivation infused lipstick – from Contrived Accident Division
All featured in Season 3, Episode 23, Run, Robot, Run. Snead refers to the onion as his personalized Snead Synthetic Onion meant to explode when Max uses it to mix his Gibson but neutralized by Hymie drinking it, while the atropine soap is seen to collapse one of the U.S athletes in the shower and Mrs. Emily Neal uses her battery deactivator lipstick on Hymie. Since this fan-fic takes place before Hymie's introduction in the series (Season 1, Episode 19, Back to the Old Drawing Board), it
explains von Graf's remark over the lipstick deactivator's deployment, though as we can see in Run, Robot, Run, Mrs Neal does end up utilizing it via a kiss. Von Graf also mentions that CAD has never failed yet explaining Mr Snead and Mrs. Neal's decision not to return to KAOS immediately after they failed in their assignment in Run, Robot, Run. I postulate at the stage of this fan-fic, KAOS has no knowledge of cybernetic research as Dr. Ratton who created Hymie is not actually a member of KAOS but simply hired by KAOS as an independent contractor to provide a means of kidnapping Dr. Shotwire and Natz appeared totally ignorant of robotic science. However, Dr. Ratton may have become a full-time employee by Season 3, Episode 8, When Good Fellows Get Together, when he invents Groppo, though his employment is cut short.
$50,000 for ongoing international search for exact doubles of government agents, military officers and officials – from The League of Impostors
Season 3, Episode 3, The Spy Who Met Himself. The Chief explains the league scours the world for exact doubles of vital U.S government personnel for infiltration purposes.
$2 million dollars to build more synthetic islands – from Schwartz
Mentioned in Season 4, Episode 13, Schwartz's Island. However, not clear if this request results in the construction of the island that Max and 99 shipwrecks on in the episode since Schwartz is credited with just building synthetic islands. Thus the island seen in the episode may already have been built or being built during the time of this fan-fic.
Demand of $4 million dollars for electromagnetic deflector mechanism, high power generator und advanced atmospheric sensors to target American ballistic missiles, construction of underwater base of operations and recruitment of new KAOS personnel able to say YES in Russian, German, Spanish – from Dr. Yes.
Needless to say, Season 3, Episode 9, Dr. Yes with one of the most elaborate KAOS set ups thus far with the underwater base, the electromagnetic deflector used to redirect ballistic missiles and of course, the Russian, German, Spanish AND French speaking henchmen/women. Here, von Graf is shown to dislike Dr. Yes' arrogance and narcissism and also his Nazi intolerance of what he deems as cross-dressing.
$650,000 for R&D and construction of master computer to analyse tides, shipping data, currents und cargoes to facilitate piracy operations – from Vice President of Public Relations and Terror, Ludwig von Siegfried
Featured in Season 2, Episode 9, Rub-A-Dub-Dub... Three Spies in a Sub, the master computer used for KAOS' piracy on the high seas and which Max and 99 blows up.
$200,000 to build secret prisoner-of-war camp in New Jersey - from Vice President of Public Relations and Terror, Ludwig von Siegfried
None other than Camp Gitchie Goomee Noonee Wa-wa, featured in Season 4, Episodes 25 & 26, The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1 & 2.
$5 million for R&D and construction of giant nuclear magnet to pull in and ground U.S Navy fleets – from Vice President of Public Relations and Terror, Ludwig von Siegfried
Season 4, Episode 13, Schwartz's Island. Self-explanatory and apparently, here, the Oberführer thinks it is a bad idea and does not give his support which explains why it only appears over 3 years later.
When SS-19 mentions the difficulty they have in replacing the highly experienced and trained KAOS agents they lost, who were all mostly ex-military and intelligence personnel, the Oberführer states they will have to resort to recruiting more disc jockeys, used car salesmen, quiz masters, TV repairmen and politicians. In Season 2, Episode 18, Cutback at CONTROL, Siegfried tells Max that KAOS agents are all hired from such a demographic. Now, yes I understand that Get Smart is a comedy satirizing spy films and not to be taken seriously and I'm probably too much in tune with modern films and t.v series with their rogue intelligence agents and military units but I always thought it would be most logical for an espionage organisation like KAOS to recruit members from the military and intelligence agencies. It would increase knowledge base in the organisation, ease difficulties in training and cut down on failure rates and trainees to be shot which is a waste of training resources! So, this fan-fic is my way of explaining why by Season 2, Episode 8, KAOS is recruiting solely or at least largely from disc jockeys, TV repairmen, politicians etc.
SS-19 removes her veil at the end of the movie revealing she is a young Caucasian woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. The reference model for her facial features and physical build is actually the stunning, Swedish actress/model Janet Agren (again apologies for my lacklustre descriptions…sigh) who scorched and graced the screens for about 25 years from the late 1960s to late 80s.
The end of this fan-fic is meant to segue directly into Season 1, Episode 9, Satan Place. In the final scene of the fan-fic and in fact and in certain parts of the story in Colorado, the snow, cold, ice and the character's distaste for it, especially the Chief is emphasized because as we all know, poor Chief ends up kidnapped and locked inside a freezer in Satan Place! The outfits that Max and the Chief wears in the final office scene in this fan-fic (sorry, my description is a bit off) is meant to be the outfits they are wearing in the first scene in Satan Place as it supposedly takes place the very next morning with Max saying he will pick the Chief up and they will exit the Chief's apartment via the fire-escape as seen done in Satan Place. 99's hairstyle in the office scene also matches what is seen in Satan Place. The Chief also confirms Max knows where his "special phone" is and here we also see the Chief handing over the key to the presidential hotline to Max, both phones which are used in Satan Place. It also explains the transition from the bull's head and horn hot-line used in this fan-fic to the simple phone inside a red box behind the false books that is shown in Satan Place. And lastly, of course, Max's final line that nothing will happen to the Chief with him guarding him, is aimed at the fact that in the first scene of Satan Place, the Chief is kidnapped right under Max's nose!
Throughout this fan-fic, the Chief is seen to be in trouble with the POTUS who constantly check on his progress, berates him over the presidential hotline at CONTROL's lack of success in stopping KAOS' robbery sprees and the city wide destruction caused by the vehicular chase following the National Museum robbery. The Chief also explains CONTROL is in the hot seat due to the other failed missions explained during the briefing with the fire-extinguisher slide projector to Max and 99. All these factors leads the Chief to acknowledge that he is not in good standing with the White House and thus allowed Colonel Archer to inform the Joint-Chief's and Sec Def of the KAOS threat to Area 53D. Upon completion of the fan-fic, I realized that all these events which were actually conceptualised on the go as I wrote, unwittingly lends credence to the POTUS' disinterested response of "That's a shame." during Satan Place when Max informs him of the Chief's kidnapping and when Max asked for help regarding the ransom, the commander-in-chief's only action was to donate $12!
Originally, to emphasize the severity of the fight between Max and Gerd, Max was to sustain 2-3 broken ribs. But my meagre research reveals that broken ribs may take a month to 6 months to heal completely. And with the events of Satan Place occurring 2 weeks after the end of the Colorado event, Max may still not be back in fighting form yet. This would affect the canonicity, for though no fist-fights occur in Satan Place, Max does attempt to pole vault over the perimeter wall which ends in him crashing sideways into the wall which would trigger crippling pain if he was still recovering from healing fractured ribs. In fact, I seriously doubt even a professional pole-vaulter would attempt vaulting with semi-healed broken ribs.
Here we finally have the first mention of the one and only Ludwig von Siegfried, the primary antagonist of the original series. I am challenging the canonicity slightly by mentioning Siegfried about a year before he makes his actual appearance in the original series. Also, I am postulating that even at this time in Season 1, Siegfried already holds his title of Vice President of Public Relations and Terror. This fan-fic establishes that the Oberführer does not particularly like Siegfried but acknowledges the latter as formidably intelligent and admires some of his strategies eg. Master computer used for the piracy operations but disdainful of others ie the giant nuclear magnet to ground U.S Naval fleets. Von Graf warns SS-19 to be careful of Siegfried describing the VP as self-serving but yet being brilliant enough to escape Al Alamein. The Oberführer also describes Siegfried as psychopathic. This is my own take on the character as one of the signs of psychopathy is sudden, explosive bouts of rage and violence followed by absolute immediate calm the very next second. We see this in Season 3, Episode 3, The Spy Who Met Himself, where Siegfried rants and raves at Dubrovnik and Balinkoff for allowing Max to escape before shooting them both in a rage and immediately after, picks up the phone and speaks in a calm, cheerful voice to someone to execute the next phase of the plan. I provide an additional backstory for Siegfried as well, in the form of his genius and ruthlessness being noticed in World War II by both Directors of the Reich Main Security Office who wanted to bring him into the fold but were thwarted as SS-Obergruppenführer Reinhard Heydrich was assassinated in June 1942 in Prague-Libeň, something which von Graf claims to have played a part in by withholding vital intelligence uncovered about the plot and his replacement SS-Obergruppenführer Ernst Kaltenbrunner never had the chance likely noticing Siegfried too late in the war by which time, Nazi Germany had lost and Kaltenbrunner was captured. I theorize that Siegfried being ruthless and ambitious enough to rise to the rank of VP in KAOS would be enraged at missing out his chance to join the RSHA.
My Get Smart fan-fic stories occurs throughout the original series timelines, usually between the existing episodes. So because the first stories being in Season 1 and Siegfried only making his appearance in early Season 2, I lacked a primary antagonist and so, I created the Oberführer as sort of a stand-in till I get to Season 2. At this stage, I do not know if the two will ever meet of course!
99's Outfits, just for the fun of it! Due to the length of this fan-fic, 99 appears in a record, seven different outfits (about 5 for Season 2, Episodes 28,29,30, A Man Called Smart, Parts 1,2,3, not counting the hotel maid and nurse uniform disguises. Anyone else know of a higher number in any episodes, drop a line in the reviews!)
Here they are, the outfits and where they appear in the original series (again apologies for my off-target descriptions and accessories may vary along with footwear as I usually put 99 in boots which is more practical for her action oriented role.)
Outfit 1 – Most of Part 1 and gas station scene in Part 2
Long sleeved, A-line ultramarine dress with a turtle-neck decorated with a red and orange band of fabric, yellow beret, gray cotton gloves and white kitten heel boots. Just the dress, is seen twice that I know of (Correct me if I'm wrong, anyone!) in Season 3, Episode 2, Witness for the Persecution for the first 3 scenes (with white stockings) and Season 3, Episode 9, Dr. Yes, in the first scene (no stockings). I replaced the flat heeled shoes with boots and added gloves for practicality.
Outfit 2 – Most of Part 2 after gas station scene and ending of National Museum Robbery Car Chase in Part 3
Long sleeved knitted orange top with folded turtle neck, knee length scarlet A line skirt, dark blue cropped jacket held together with twin columns of 3 buttons each. Rich brown kid leather, low heeled boots. This jacket, top and skirt is featured in Season 1, Episode 18, The Dead Spy Scrawls, in the CONTROL pool room scene where 99 arrives with Parker to demonstrate the remote control cue ball. It might have been seen earlier, minus the jacket in Season 1, Episode 13, Aboard the Orient Express, in the scene where the Chief originally assigns 99 to be the next courier (can anyone confirm?)
Outfit 3 – Part 3 Chief's Office Scene, morning after National Museum heist
Pink long sleeved t-shirt with it's hem at her hips over a knee length black skirt, with yellow kerchief with splashes of red around her neck leaving a triangular section on her chest. The top and the kerchief is seen in Season 1, Episode 24, Stakeout on Blue Mist Mountain, in the scene where Max interrogates the KAOS agent Nealis. In the episode, the bottom is a maroon coloured flare skirt I think but I changed it for the fan-fic as logically anyone would mix and match their outfits.
Outfit 4 – Part 3 Café scene in Boulder Colorado up till they leave for Lakewood
Lavender trench coat over fluorescent blue, long sleeved, knee length dress with a pencil skirt with, built in baby blue belt. The round neckline and sleeve ends were adorned by a circle of baby blue lace with a Crayola blue ribbon sewn onto the neckline lace. White leather gloves. The lavender trench coat is the one seen briefly (unfortunately) in Season 1, Episode 7, KAOS in CONTROL and also utilized in my first fan-fic Radio KAOS. The dress she wears is featured in Season 1, Episode 20, All in the Mind when she and Max are undercover in Dr. Braam's office.
Outfit 5 – Part 3 From Donny's Donuts scene in Lakewood up till she changes to meet Ancaster
Knee length scarlet and darker red lined plaid flare skirt and heavy crotch length jacket of dark blue with 6 gold buttons in 2 columns of 3, over a light gray turtle neck sweater, large scarlet newsboy cap, big handbag of gray leather with a silver buckle light gray hairsheep leather gloved. The clothing and accessories (I'm guessing on the material of the gloves) are featured in Season 1, Episode 11, Too Many Chiefs in the first scene in the hotel where all the KAOS and CONTROL agents shoot each other and later when Max first brings Tanya Lupescu back to his apartment where she is now wearing it, obviously having switched clothes with 99 at some point to confuse KAOS.
Outfit 6 – Part 3 Meeting with Ancaster at their hotel till end of Area 53D shootout in Part 5.
Navy blue woollen skirt suit of knee length A-line pleated skirt and waist length cropped jacket with 3 large black buttons and three quarter length sleeves, over a turtle neck sky blue and navy blue horizontal stripped t-shirt, black kidskin gloves. This combination is seen in Season 1, Episode 10, Our Man in Leotards, during the final awards scene at the Pinerovian Embassy where Max accidentally immobilizes everyone and then kisses 99. However, the skirt suit itself with different tops is seen at least twice more, in Season 1, Episode 17, Kisses for KAOS, and Season 1, Episode 23, I'm Only Human. An interesting point is stated in the commentary of Episode 17 by Barbara Feldon who confirmed this suit actually belongs to her.
Outfit 7 – Part 5 Final scene in Chief's office
Carnation pink chiffon blouse with large rolled collar and long bishop sleeves. Small dark pendant suspended by a gold chain, knee length fitted black skirt. This outfit is seen in Season 1, Episode 17, Kisses for KAOS during the scene in the Chief's office where the rock mail internal comms is used.