The show! Will! Go! On!

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

Keldeo the Critic

Season 4 Episode 7: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live by Traveling Trainer

Keldeo had a somber look on his face and said, "I'm sorry for the way I got angry and stormed off like that. It was really . . . immature. I just wanted the plot to start already, I mean, it was just so much exposition and talking!"

Keldeo sighed and shook his head, "But hey, I'm pretty sure that 3 chapters of exposition is enough, and that chapter four will finally give us some new developments."

"Guildmaster Delibird? You wanted to see us?"

"Oh, hoho! Yes, indeed I did!" Guildmaster Delibird said a hello to his three patients as they entered into his quarters, running back and forth to light the low-hanging candles on the walls.

The old penguin tittered to himself as he watched Dusknoir finally make it past the doorframe. "Hoho! I normally visit my patients while they're in their wards, so my apologies for the tight fit, my friend!"

"I think that's twice now yer having to say that, eh, Guildmaster?" A gruff, but good-natured, voice replied, and Grovyle did a double take as he glimpsed the heavyset Hariyama at the back of the room. At his side was a bespectacled Mienshao, who smiled gently at the other Pokemon's joking remark. The Guildmaster idly stroked his beard, choosing not to comment. "Haha, maybe you'll finally think about expanding yer doorway! No reason to keep just one out of 'em all small, eh?"

"Okay, so we finally get to be more formaly introduced to our supporting characters: Yama the Hariyama and Lin the Mienshao," Keldeo said.

"Oh, hello there!" Celebi said in surprise, smiling brightly as she waved at the two unfamiliar Pokemon. Dusknoir quietly let his arms drop to his sides as he took in the room, and Grovyle stroked at his head-leaf, the mild warmth from the candles not enough to make the room feel remotely comfortable. "Are you members of the rescue guild as well?"

"Oh, no, dear," The Mienshao laughed softly to herself, hopping off of her seat and walking over to the fairy, her short sleeves rolling over her paws as she reached out to shake the girl's hand. "My husband and I are good friends of the guild, though."

"Erhem, hoho… my apologies for interrupting, hoho," Delibird coughed a bit to get everyone's attention, and the older lady stepped back to let the penguin speak. "First thing, ah… Dusknoir, I'm glad to see that you're finally awake, hoho!"

The ghost stared blankly at the Guildmaster for a moment before he looked at the rug, folding his arms defensively as an awkward silence settled over the room. "Thank you for the concern."

"Yes… well, it's what anyone would feel in my place, hm?" The red-feathered elder broke the beat, peering to his sides as he gestured at the other pair of Pokemon with his flippers. "I may as well introduce my other visitors, hoho! Grovyle, Celebi, Dusknoir, these two are Lin and Yama. They're the ones who brought you to the guild a few days ago, hoho!"

"So you two were the ones who found us?" Grovyle blinked, gazing at the two fighting types. Celebi's wings hummed as she hovered around, struggling to shake the Hariyama's hand, and Yama eventually poked out a single finger, gingerly lifting it up and down in her grasp. "I was wondering if we were going to meet you sooner or later."

"It's good to finally make your acquaintance, Grovyle," Lin said,

"NEXT!" Keldeo shouted impatiently.

"Right, hoho!" The Guildmaster confirmed with a short nod, stifling his laughter as he tapped his feet against the fabric. Grovyle crossed his legs as Celebi slowly fluttered to the floor, stomping her feet a few times before sitting down; Dusknoir remained standing, as much as a ghost could technically stand. "I'm… hoho, not really sure where to start, but I suppose I'll go with something simple. Who are you three, exactly? I know your names, but are you explorers of some sort?"

"Yeah, it's not very typical for Pokemon to be climbing up Mount Avalanche unless yer on some kind of job," Yama added, patting his knees as he spoke up, glancing over at his wife. "But there wasn't anything interesting up there, right, hun? No bag, no badge, no outlaws, no nothing."

"That's right. The three of you were the only ones up there, and there wasn't hair nor hide of anyone else." Lin nodded in concern, taking the moment to rub at her glasses with a sleeve. "And we didn't find any supplies with you, either. Did you three climb up the mountain all by yourselves?"

"Oh, we're just three time traveling Pokemon who defeated an evil version of Palkia in order to save the world. You're welcome."

Keldeo smiled, "No, no, of course they don't say that."

"E-er…" Grovyle stuttered, looking away to hide the panicked expression that had suddenly appeared on his face. For all the discussion about getting asked questions sooner or later, he had no idea what to say for an answer. He nervously glanced at his friends out of the corner of his eye – Dusknoir simply continued to stay silent and wait, his single red eye fixing the wood gecko with a deadpan expression.

"None of us are explorers from a guild, if that's what you mean, Guildmaster," Celebi thankfully picked up the slack for him, and he reached up to sheepishly stroke his head-leaf, listening closely to his friend; coming up with a cover story was probably the best option, especially since everyone else had no idea what happened to them. "I guess you could say that the three of us are self-taught, hehe!"

Ace the Bathound: "Nice recovery. Very smooth"

"Yes." Dusknoir's low voice cut through the chatter easily, and everyone turned their heads toward the ghost. The Guildmaster nodded at him to continue, and Grovyle narrowed his eyes – what did Dusknoir have in mind? "We were helping some young Pokemon from the mainland."

"Good thing being good at lying comes with the job of 'evil sadistic villain.'"

"Y-yeah… yeah, that's right." Grovyle slowly said, and Dusknoir let the wood gecko speak.

"I don't know why he would let the wood gecko speak, seeing as he's stammering over all his words like his ability is Klutz!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"They needed us to get something for them at the mountain."

Phoenix Wright: "OBJECTION!"

"Get something from the mountain?" Yama quirked a confused eyebrow at the trio as he fell down sideways, lazing about as he drummed his fingers against his leg. "What something could yer pals want from there, eh? There's nothing there that you can't find on the whole of the Southern Continent!"

"It's kind of a long story, sir, but we were chasing after another Pokemon that was climbing the mountain," Celebi explained. Grovyle sighed inwardly as the fairy liberally sugarcoated their mission. "Some friends, from the mainland, needed our help with him as soon as possible, so we had to get to the top as soon as we could, or else…"

"Be quiet, be quiet, BE QUIET! Oh my gosh, Celebi! What the heck is wrong with you?! Please, just be QUIET!" Keldeo shouted in frustration, "Biscuits! Applejack lies better than you do, Celebi! APPLEJACK!"

"And another thing, that's the second time I've had to use that 'be quiet' meme that to someone in this story! Why is everyone in this story such a blabber mouth!"

Ralph Kramden: "SHE'S A BLABBER MOUTH! A BLABBER MOUTH!"

As the grass type trailed off, everyone went quiet, a tense pause hanging in the air as the party of Pokemon mulled Celebi's words over. Yama pushed himself back to a sitting position as he and his wife glanced at each other, the two of them sharing a troubled look. Guildmaster Delibird simply sighed, bowing his head and mumbling something inaudible under his breath. Grovyle looked over his shoulder at Celebi and Dusknoir – the pink-hued grass type fiddled nervously with her antennae, and their large, ghostly companion had curled his hands into tight fists, his so-called eyebrow furrowed thoughtfully.

"You…" He spoke icily. "…don't believe us, do you?"

Intoxiquer: "NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"

"You three…" Lin replied with an almost imperceptibly-soft tone of voice, getting up and inching towards them. Grovyle uncrossed his legs as the Mienshao approached, ready to rise at a moment's notice. The older Pokemon seemed to notice his movement, and she smiled reassuringly at him as she squatted down and stared straight into his eyes, removing her glasses as she did. "Grovyle, when we found you up on the summit, you were just barely conscious, and Yama hear you mention… Dialga."

*SHATTER!*

Keldeo jumped in shock and said, "Oh man, you shattered all their Psyche-Locks!"

Grovyle's jaw dropped as his mind filled with dread, and Celebi fluttered into the air in dampened shock; Dusknoir floated backwards until he was pressing up against the wall, causing the hanging candles to flicker and shake, the metal tapping against the walls. Guildmaster Delibird wobbled around as he tried to get up as well, but Lin thrust a paw at him, and the red penguin eased himself to a stop, nodding at the lady to continue speaking. Lin briefly looked from Grovyle, to Celebi, to Dusknoir, and back again.

"You're… the ones from the story about Primal Dialga, aren't you, dears? The ones who wanted to change the past so that you could stop…" She stopped for a moment, tapping a paw to her chin as she racked her brain. "The future was full of darkness, you were looking for the Time Gears, and the planet was… er, it was…"

"Paralyzed…" Grovyle answered, cutting the woman off mid-sentence, and she refocused her attention on him. "The planet was… paralyzed."

"So you were chasing up the mountain after Primal Dialga, eh?" Yama added, scratching the back of his neck in confusion. "But wait, yer supposed to have been… erased from existence, or something. That's how we heard it, at least! How'd yer tails end up snoozing around here, eh?"

"Wait. . . so they already know all about them?" Keldeo said with a look of confusion, "And they were supposed to have been erased? Well, okay, so how does this work? Where did Arceus place them?"

"Hoho… Yama, didn't you hear what Celebi said? She said it was a long story!"

"Give us the short version! Give us the short version!" Keldeo said pleadingly.

"Alright… alright." Grovyle said twice, steeling himself the second time. "We'll tell you everything."

By the time Grovyle neared the close of their adventure, he was pretty sure that he, Celebi and Dusknoir had been speaking for what felt like an entire day, even if a quick sideways glance told him that the wax had only just begun to drip down the sides of the candles. He felt his eyes widen at the sight – even with his experience finding the Time Gears in the past, getting used to time truly flowing again was going to be hard. Delibird, Lin and Yama had thankfully held their tongues through the whole of the story, letting the words flow uninterrupted. "And then… well, we were still there. We hadn't disappeared."

"Thank goodness, a time skip. Thank you!" Keldeo said gratefully, "And speaking of time skips, we finally get an explanation to exactly happened to our heroes."

"When the planet was paralyzed, a lot of things just… stopped happening, right? Water didn't flow, the sun and moon didn't rise, and food didn't grow. They had just frozen in place, time had stopped for them."

"That's right, but Dialga said that time doesn't just stop…" Dusknoir interrupted, only to be cut off with a wave of the grass type's hand.

"I wasn't finished yet!" Celebi said in a pouty huff, and the ghost sat back, gesturing at her with a shake of his head. She exhaled and inhaled before continuing. "But time hadn't stopped for Pokemon! Grovyle and Dusknoir... and me… and all the other Pokemon in the future could walk and talk and age, right? So time was still flowing for us!"

"Hey, yeah, she's right about that. Time didn't really stop as in the whole universe stopped functioning. It was more like nature stopped," Keldeo remarked, "I always figured it was just a necessary plot hole that the story needed to function, but. . ."

"That's... but how…" Grovyle blinked in understanding before grunting in confusion, trying to say something multiple times before just giving up and resting his head in his hands. So time had stopped… but time… hadn't stopped? Was that even possible? He let out a dry chuckle at his own bewilderment. "…Celebi, I think that only made things even harder to understand."

"Hoho, so time can be choosy, can it?" Guildmaster Delibird remarked with his hooting laugh, getting to his feet and stretching his stiff limbs, pacing around the room as he checked the candles.

"Grovyle, you and the rest of the Pokemon investigating the planet's paralysis just focused on finding out how to change the past and stop it from happening at all…" She explained, looking at the wood gecko, and he nodded. She turned to Dusknoir. "And Dusknoir… well, I guess Primal Dialga couldn't really explain how time works, could he?"

"No… not particularly," The ghost snidely replied.

"Grovyle… Dusknoir… time was flowing, at least in some way, in the future, which is why you could go back to the past at all…" Celebi dropped her voice to a whisper. "And when the past was changed, the future where the planet was paralyzed got erased from existence, like everyone thought it would."

The words sent a chill down Grovyle's spine as his eyes grew to the size of platters, and he shivered in the silence that followed. Delibird yelped as the candles rattled in their holders, and a noisy bump let everyone know that Dusknoir had stopped hovering, the ghost having fallen to the floor in shock. Lin and Yama kept still, looking from the trio of young explorers to each other, waiting patiently for more.

"But… if time hadn't stopped…" Grovyle muttered. "And the future really did disappear… then where are we?"

"Celebi, if I might butt in?" Lin asked, and both the wood gecko and the fairy looked at her, the latter dropping to the rug with a short nod. "We found you two days ago… dears, that was the anniversary of when Bill and Rose saved the world. The Temporal Crisis, I think most call it now."

Grovyle's mouth flattened as he finally got the message. Treasure Town still existed. Nobody remembered anything about the future. Blast it all, it seemed so obvious now, how hadn't he seen it before!? "…you mean…"

Dusknoir was similarly stunned. "This can't be…"

"Guildmaster?" Celebi slowly looked over to the red-feathered penguin, who stood at attention with a kind smile. "How many years has it been since the… Temporal Crisis? If I'm thinking right, it should be-"

"Seven years, hoho!" Delibird chortled, patting his beard. "Oho! So you mean that seven years passed while the planet was paralyzed, and that's why you're here now, hoho!"

"So defeating Primal Dialga caused the timeline where the planet paralyzed to disappear, and our three heroes were kicked out of it and dropped back into the timeline where the collapse of Temporal Tower was prevented! Genius!" Keldeo said with satisfaction in his voice.

"Hoho, well, you three didn't have any supplies or money up on Mount Avalanche, remember?" Guildmaster Delibird reminded them with a wave of his flipper, and both Grovyle and Lin nodded in confirmation. "And considering your circumstances, you also don't have a place to stay, correct? With all due respect, you can't live in our wards, hoho, those are meant for patients!"

Grovyle reached back to sheepishly toy with his head-leaf, briefly thinking about Sharpedo Bluff before shaking his head at the idea. "I… guess we don't."

Lin and Yama stepped forward, smiling brightly at them, and Guildmaster Delibird stroked his beard as a warm chuckle escaped his beak. "Hohoho, exactly! And when we realized that, miss Lin and sir Yama offered to take you in while you three get settled!"

"After all, you guys did help save the world, so you deserve some reward for it. We're not just gonna take your heroics and risking of life and limb for granted. I mean, this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's or Friendship is Magic or anything like that!"

"Really?" Celebi blurted out, her eyes lighting up happily, and Grovyle smiled as the pink fairy flapped over to Lin, clasping her hands together as the Mienshao nodded at her. "That would be a big help! Thank you, sir, ma'am!"

"We'd like for you three to stay for one more night so we can be sure that you're fighting fit, but once tomorrow morning arrives, you'll be free to go, hoho!" Delibird explained, planting his flippers firmly at his sides. "If you'd like, you can all stay in one ward this time, hoho!"

"…Hmph." Dusknoir only grunted, and Grovyle looked over his shoulder at his friend; the ghost seemed preoccupied, staring absently at the far wall.

"I mean, I was a sadistic creep after all, so I'm not gonna be Mr. Sunshine Goodguy all of a sudden. Who do you think I am? Discord?"

Letting him have his thoughts, the grass type hesitantly nodded at Delibird, a satisfied expression on the penguin's face.

"That… would be alright, Guildmaster," He said, and he gestured at the bird's flipper with his claws, extending his hand as the two shook. "Thank you for all your help. We appreciate it."

"Well, I guess now that we're all okay and happy, it's probably time for us to go, eh, hun? Hahaha!" Yama laughed heartily, stepping past everyone as he opened the doors and made for the guild's exit, taking a step through the frame as he ducked his head. After a few moments, he chuckled in embarrassment, waving his arm at the five other Pokemon in the room. "Er, hah, can I get a push?"

Celebi giggled quietly, and Lin sighed.

WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAHHHHH!

Keldeo shrugged, but frowned rather than smiled.

"You know the sad part is that this was the story's first attempt at actual comedy. . . and it failed," Keldeo said.

WAAAAAAHHHHH!

"So later that night we have a really cliched scene where Dusknoir is all somber and Grovyle tried to reassure him. . . fun," Keldeo said with a straight face.

what will happen to us now? You and Celebi have gotten the future you wanted. And… Dialga is no longer… my master."

"Well… we're going to go and move into a new place tomorrow," Grovyle said plainly, tapping his toes against the floorboards as he watched the storm cover up the sky. The grass type sucked in a breath as white flecks fell from the gray clouds above, and within a few minutes he and Dusknoir were witnessing a powerful blizzard that pounded against the walls, the glass fogging up from the freezing temperature.

Keldeo cocked his head. "Okay, I take it back. This is getting really good and atmospheric. Nice touch there. But then again, I don't know if this is clever or melodramatic."

So that was snow… "And then… er…"

He stumbled over his words, trying to think of things to do in the days to come, but the implications of Dusknoir's question fully hit him; the ghost narrowed his single eye and nodded, shooting the grass type a smug expression for a split-second. "I… I don't know."

"Exactly." Dusknoir turned around and floated a few paces away, the snowstorm piling down outside with a mighty rumble. "Even if we're allowed to stay with Lin and Yama for a time, the three of us cannot live that way forever."

"Wait a minute, weren't you an explorer or something?" Keldeo asked, "I mean, that's what everyone said you were when you went back in time. . . unless you were only pretending to be an explorer, which wouldn't make any sense, because how can you pretend to have a job like that and have proof of it and fame and stuff without actually doing any exploring? And even if you weren't an explorer and just sat around doing nothing in between your searches for Grovyle during all your time in the past, uh, here's a little idea for you: Make an exploration team with Grovyle and Celebi right now!" Keldeo shouted in frustration, "It pays well. You'd get room and board in Delibird's Guild. Heck, you could even travel all the way to Wiglytuff's Guild if you don't like the cold climate in Delibird's Guild. And you'll be able to go on adventures, have battles, and even make up for your past sins by helping Pokemon in need! This is not difficult, Dusknoir!"

"What's got you moping about this, anyway, Dusknoir?" Grovyle remarked with a furrowed brow, looking over his shoulder to stare a hole into the uncharacteristically-melancholy ghost's back. "I thought that you, of all Pokemon, would be happy to get a second chance-"

"And you think I'm not happy!?" The ghost growled loudly with a clear note of venom, swiveling around to glare angrily at his friend, hands curling into fists as he audibly exhaled.

Keldeo gave a sudden laugh and said, "Okay, you're making Rainbow Dash look good at hiding her emotions!"

Rainbow Dash: "Who said anything about anger?! I didn't say anything about anger! I'm not upset! And I am not angry! DO I LOOK ANGRY?!"

Grovyle took a step back, crouching defensively in anticipation, but his tension quickly faded as Dusknoir let out a weary, frustrated sigh. They both looked at the shadowy floor, the silence broken by the snowstorm and Dusknoir's heavy breathing. "I… I don't know what to do, Grovyle. I don't understand…"

Understand…? Wait… "Live to understand…"

"What are you muttering now?" Dusknoir lifted his head up, speaking softly as he hovered back over, tilting his head curiously. The grass type smiled, thoughtfully stroking the leaves on his arms.

"Dialga told me that I needed to live to understand… I thought he was talking about the time paradox, but," The wood gecko said, staring back at the ghost. "Maybe if you or… I, want to understand… we just have to live, I guess."

Dusknoir's eye narrowed in confusion, shooting back in deadpan, "That's not very helpful."

"Do you have any better ideas?" Grovyle shot back with a knowing look, and the ghost sighed, shaking his head. "For now, we should just focus on getting settled in. We're leaving the guild tomorrow, so-"

"Oh, goodness sake!" Audino's voice interrupted the conversation, and the pair's heads snapped towards the southern door, where the nurse stood with a candle in paw. Her cheeks were puffed out in annoyance as she scolded the two Pokemon.

"Oh my gosh, why does everyone in this guild always interrupt everyone else' conversations?" Keldeo said in annoyance, "They should just call this the Interrupting Guild or something."

"So then Grovyle dreams a flashback of his travels with the human main character and Celebi in the paralyzed planet. It doesn't really seem that important. Grovyle and the human travel through a forest and meet up with Celebi who talks about Primal Dialga. Stuff our characters would already know anyway."

Keldeo sighed, "Fine. So then Yama and Lin take our heroes down into the town of Snowrest."

"Hey, Froslass, could I get a word with the elde-"

"Lux, wait up! You forgot to pay for-"

"Oi, cap'n, we're shovin' off tomorrow mornin', right?"

The sounds of chatter rose into the air as the band of five strolled into the village, all sorts of Pokemon running through the streets as the day wore onward. Celebi couldn't help but spin around, only keeping up with her friends thanks to Grovyle's hold on her hand. The grass type himself struggled to keep his eyes focused on Lin and Yama, catching glimpses of hardy log cabins and ice clinging to walls in his moments of weakness. Dusknoir didn't bother to hide his curiosity, looking freely at the town as he floated ahead. The hustle and bustle of the settlement was a wonder, and the cheer was infectious.

Keldeo smiled, "Yeah. . .that's what is all about. This is what living is, you three."

"Snowrest Village doesn't have much, though. Smithy, a peddler, a place for storing supplies and cash. That's about it."

"Combusken and Drilbur, dear."

"Oh yeah, Combusken and Drilbur! How'd I forget about him? Thanks, hun," The Hariyama's eyes twinkled with embarrassment. "Combusken runs the local inn and café. We'll probably end up going there this evening to celebrate yer first day with us, haha!"

"A café…" The image of the underground entrance to Spinda's café flashed in Grovyle's mind, and he tilted his head slightly at the memory. He'd never actually gone into the place – by the time he was on good terms with Treasure Town, there had been little time left to waste anyway. "That sounds nice, doesn't it, Celebi?"

"It sounds like a great idea, yeah!" The pink fairy piped up, happily pumping a fist in the air as she fluttered along, her cheer drawing more than a few stares.

"Wait, wait, wait-wait-wait-wait," Keldeo said, holding up a hoof, "Grovyle. . .are you trying to ask Celebi out on a date?" Keldeo tapped his chin for a moment, then shrugged and said, "Well, sure, why not. I guess romance is a key part of living too."

"Look out, miss Lin!"

Grovyle, Celebi and Dusknoir tensed at the shout, peering around the town as they searched for the source of the noise. Lin furrowed her brow, taking off her glasses in thought, and Yama turned around, flinching in surprise as he did so. "Hun, don't move!"

The heavyset fighting type lifted his wife clean off of the ground, the Mienshao gasping as she was lifted into the air, and Grovyle turned his head to look at where she'd stood. A pair of Eevee swiveled wildly through the village, sliding precariously on a large, flat chunk of ice. The grass type's eyes widened, and with a crash, he felt himself flung onto his back, his head-leaf cushioning his fall as he sank into the slush. He groaned at the wet chill that ran down his legs, and he felt two sets of paws trample onto his chest as he stared into the brown eyes of the two little Pokemon.

"What!?" Keldeo said in disbelief, "Can't Grovyle catch a break? Every other scene he's loosing consciousness, fading in and out of deliriousness, having medicine forced down his throat, fainting like a fangirl, looking stupid, or in this case, getting thrown to the ground like Wile E Coyote!"

"And don't tell me that this is just slapstick, because this is not slapstick! You can't just hurt a character and expect it to be funny. You have to put a character in a position where his getting hurt would be ironic, partially deserved, his own fault, or wacky in some way. This story never does that. It just keep poking and pushing and whacking Grovyle with a heavy stick because. . . ." Keldeo shrugged expressively, "I don't know!"

Behind them, Celebi and Dusknoir reached out to help him onto his feet, and he took their hands into his, standing up and shivering hard enough to shake the snow off of his shoulders. "W-what… h-h-hit me?"

"Um… sorry, mister!" A peppy voice replied, and he glanced down at his feet, the two Eevee staring back up at him. One of them, gray-furred and muddy, scratched at his ears with his hind leg, and Lin stepped over as her husband set her onto the ground. "We didn't mean to hit you, mister!"

"Good morning, Silver and Bronze," The Mienshao greeted, wrapping her paws in her short sleeves, and the two foxes waved eagerly at the older lady. "Already out and about for the day? Where's Glaceon?"

"Good morning, miss Lin," The brown-colored Eevee – Bronze, Grovyle guessed – spoke, bowing his head sheepishly. "U-um, mom's still asleep. You won't tell her that we crashed into you, will you?"

Keldeo did a double facehoof, "Oh NO, not the annoying Trickster Twin trope!"

Keldeo took a breath to relax himself and said, "Well, the twins leave right after this, but of course they'll be back, so there's another two things to worry about later. But then we get a nice scene of the couple showing our main characters around their home, which, I must say, is described beautifully."

Grovyle looked ahead of the Mienshao as he and his friends picked up their pace, the sun having passed from morning to afternoon. Another cabin, with a stone chimney sprouting from the roof, sat at the outskirts of the village, the sound of the lively village fading somewhat as the crunch of snow underfoot became more noticeable. That wasn't the only noticeable snow, though – the wood gecko spotted a porch buried by a layer of the white fluff, with only the doorway left unobstructed.

The living room was pleasant, if somewhat barren: a small stone fireplace was built into the opposite wall with a rocking chair sitting close by, and a pile of wood was laid at the foot of the rocks.

Keldeo smiled and said, "It gives you just enough information to get the general idea of what the place looks like, but then lets your imagination fill in the rest of the details."

"So Lin gets their rooms ready, Yama goes to sleep- huh, this is getting sexist -and then we get a visit from- you won't believe this -another annoying interrupting character!"

"I think I was able to get Yama to wake up, so he's-"

"By Arceus!" Pelipper's beak dropped open in shock,

"Interrupting Pelipper!" Keldeo shouted in exasperation

and before he could recover, his mailbag had handily slid completely off of its perch, thumping to the ground as its contents spilled out onto the icy porch. "A Celebi! I, I'm so sorry, I...

Dr. Si Nustrix: "Brand X!? No-no-no-no!"

oh dear, I didn't realize that miss Lin and mister Yama were housing such important company! Please forgive me for my outburst!"

"Well, at least he acknowledges that a Legendary Pokemon is kind of a big deal. . ." Keldeo said in a subdued tone of voice.

"H-huh? W-wait, w-what?" The pink fairy stuttered slightly, lowering herself onto the floor as the water bird bowed his head until his beak touched the wooden planks, and she looked away, mouth flattening as she clasped her hands behind her back. "Er, t-thank you for the compliment, sir, but, um, who..."

"I'm just the mail-carrier, ma'am, er, miss legendary," Pelipper began to ramble, stumbling over his own words as he tried to answer the simple question.

Dr. Si Nustrix: "How about Dr. Pepper? Doctor Scholls? Dr. Feelgood?!"

"I'm just bringing a letter to Lin and Yama, that's all, I'll just be a few seconds and then I'll be out of your way, ma'am!"

Celebi let out a quiet 'mm-hm', kicking her feet against the floor as she walked over to help gather up the spilled mail, and Grovyle knelt down to help with the task. Thankfully, none of the envelopes had spilled into the snow piled up nearby, and after a few seconds both grass types helped lift the heavy bag back to its rightful spot, sans one scrap of paper that Pelipper had refused to take. The water bird continued to stutter incoherently as he watched the legendary Pokemon before him, and the girl continued to quietly mumble in response. Grovyle frowned.

Dr. Si Nustrix: "Brand X! Brand X!"

"Afternoon, mailbird!" Yama thankfully cut in, pushing between his two guests and yawning loudly as he regarded Pelipper with a tired smile. Grovyle offered him the last letter, and he pinched a corner of it between two fingers. "One for us, eh? Is it who I'm thinking of?"

"Yes, mister Yama," Pelipper shook himself out of his stupor, nodding at the Hariyama with an awkward chuckle. "Eheh, I'd better get back to work. Sorry for bothering you and your important guests!"

Dr. Si Nustrix: "IT'S DAYTIIIIIIIME!"

The trio watched as the water bird flapped up and flew away, and as the figure became a speck in the sky, Yama closed the door and stomped back to the other end of the room, turning his letter around in his hand. Grovyle and Celebi followed him, and the wood gecko glanced at his friend, who stared down at the floor with an oddly subdued expression, the fire's light reflecting in her eyes. He reached out to poke her arm, drawing back a bit when she let out a startled gasp.

"Are you alright, Celebi?" Grovyle asked, and the fairy returned to her senses, brushing her antennae out of her face with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm fine, Grovyle, don't worry," The grass type replied, and she fluttered back to the floor, fidgeting a bit as she sat down near the warm fireplace. Grovyle sank next to her, his gaze lingering on his friend for a little bit longer.

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by.

"I sure hope not, because this story does not need a Grovyle-Celebi-Pelipper love triangle," Keldeo said, looking and sounding very un-amused.

"So we see that Yama and Lin's daughter sent them some mail. That's right, they have a daughter. Another character to add to the long and ever growning list of vaguely introduced characters who may or may not play a role in this story. I'm already loosing track of them all!"

Grovyle looked over Dusknoir's shoulder during the short pause, watching as the ghost turned the ruined package over. The words 'to mama and papa from Erin' were scrawled – rather poorly, the grass type noted – on the underside. Celebi poked her head in between the two shortly after, her face twisting into recognition, then a cheery smile.

"That's... really sweet!" She muttered under her breath, and Grovyle allowed himself a small smile as the fairy stifled a giggle.

"You never mentioned a daughter," Dusknoir said, catching the attention of the two older Pokemon in the room. Lin passed the letter to her husband, who gladly took it from her, and she stroked at her whiskers a bit in embarrassment.

"Yes, well..." The mink replied sheepishly, looking back at the red-eyed ghost. "I suppose you would have been asking sometime today anyway, dears. You'll be staying in her old bedroom downstairs, after all."

"I'm a little surprised we hadn't brought her up already, to be honest, heh," Yama chuckled, idly scratching the back of his head as he continued to read the letter. "She sent us a letter a couple weeks ago, too! She's off on some job somewhere with the rest of her pals, as usual."

"She was a graduate from the Delibird Guild, you see," Lin explained quickly when she noticed the blank stares they received. "She's been working with Team Returners for the past few years, so we tend to hear a lot of interesting stories."

"Okay, that sounds interesting. I actually can't wait to meet her," Keldeo said in interest, perking up a bit, "Okay, what are we gonna do next?"

"So what can we do to help, Yama?" Celebi asked brightly, shaking her antennae out of her face. The fighting type winked at her before running his hand through some of the bushy twigs.

"Well, darlin', what you two could do for me is pick the tree clean of little twigs and other junk..." Yama trailed off momentarily, his eyes stuck on the leaves sprouting from Grovyle's arms. "Yer able to use a cutting attack, right?"

"Uh? Er, yeah, I can," He replied after a second, stepping a few paces away and shifting into a combat stance as his leaves merged into a bright blade of energy. He struck out at a particularly jutting branch, sending pine needles into the air as the stick plopped into the snow at the base of the dead log. "What about it, exactly?"

The Hariyama stomped over and clapped a strong hand on his back, making the grass type wince in mild pain. "Good news, Grovyle! Yer now in charge of cutting this thing into manageable pieces once the both of you are done de-twig-ing!"

Keldeo hung his head and groaned. "Oh my gosh, we're actually watching them collect firewood, are you for real?"

Keldeo tossed his hooves up in distress and said, "I mean, what's gonna happen next? Is Grovyle gonna get covered in tree sap like the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

Dumping a bunch of twigs near the stump, he smacked his hands together, only to find himself unable to pull them apart. He furrowed his brow, stretching his arms out to stare at them: to his surprise, they were covered in a bright-colored goop, and a small amount of pine needles were also stuck to his palms. A short wave of his hand did little to remove the stuff, and he grunted in slowly-growing frustration as he tried to scrape it off, first with his claws, then with a stick. Neither of them worked, and both of them simply gunked his hands up further. "What in the world...?"

"OH MY GOSH!" Keldeo exclaimed in utter disbelief, "This author is so desperate for filler that even tree sap becomes a subject matter!"

"What is this stuff, Celebi?" The grass type asked, his annoyance turning to worry as he failed repeatedly to remove the gunk.

"I don't care," Keldeo said dryly.

A thick trail of viscous liquid, similar to the ones on the stumps before, ran down from a gash left by a torn branch, and Grovyle compared his hands to the tree; they seemed to match.

"I don't care," Keldeo said again.

Yama heard Celebi speak, and he peered over his shoulder at the two younger Pokemon, leaving the partly-removed roots alone as he stomped over.

"Hey, what's caught yer eye, eh?" He asked amicably, and Celebi pointed at Grovyle's gummed up hands. As the wind began to pick up again, Grovyle scrunched his eyes shut and clasped his claws together, shuddering as the pungent odor of pine wafted into his nose. It was as strong as the smell in the guild's hospital. "Aha, it's still leaking resin? Betcha we can collect it and sell it off in town, heh!"

"I don't care!" Keldeo said again, louder this time.

"Sell it off? What for?" Celebi replied curiously, and Grovyle tried to pull his hands apart as he felt the pine glop begin to harden from the chilly temperature. He couldn't – the goopy liquid had frozen, thanks to the wind. "Can he get it off?"

"I DON'T-!" Keldeo shouted, but then stopped himself and took a deep breath to calm himself. Then, he buried his face in his fore-hooves, and made a sound that was a cross between crying and laughing. Then, he put his hooves back down and looked up. He gave a small sigh and said, "Okay. . . everyone, before I carry on. . . I just have to apologize. . .I'm just. . . tired of this. This fanfic. . . is boring. It is just so boring. I just don't care anymore. This is just as bad if not worse than A Guardians Princess by ThatOneDwarf, and that wasn't even a real Pokemon fanfic! And so, once again, I have no choice but to fast forward through this thing and only stop at the major events. If you want to read all the boring conversations and details, then just read the story yourself. So hang onto something, because here we go."

"So Celebi and Grovyle talk to a Sableye and learn that the Sableye gang got separated from each other, then the Sableye leaves. In other words, the author needed a way to prevent the Sableye gang from interfering and making this story even more convoluted. He couldn't just write them out, so he just scattered them."

"Then we go to a restaurant run by an Drilbur and a Combusken."

"Bahahahaaaa! Can't quite get it, can ya, numbskull?" Combusken squawked as he squatted down and lifted the platter into the air with a single hand, hoisting up the small mole that dug his claws into the bottom of the dish. "Drilbur, let go before you knock everything over!"

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted in frustration.

"I can't, Combusken, I caaaan't!" Drilbur flailed his little legs about in a panic, and Celebi hopped off of her seat and fluttered over, dodging a few kicks before grabbing a foot. Yama easily pinched the other one between his fingers, and they yanked downward, freeing the ground type from his predicament. "Wow! Thanks, miss! Thanks, Yama!"

"Get your feet offa the table, Drilbur, it's unsanitary," Combusken brusquely picked up Drilbur by the scruff of his neck and dropping him onto the floor. "Here ya go, Lin, Yama! Potatoes and tea, two for you and three for the new freeloaders."

"You look like you could use an extra pair of hands. Or more, to be honest," The wood gecko remarked as he poked a claw at his food. Still a bit too hot to eat. Drilbur nodded at him, seemingly ignorant of the multitude of stares that came from other visitors that hadn't been served yet. "This place looks pretty busy."

"Really? I don't think it looks any busier than it normally is," The mole said, fidgeting a bit on his partner's back. Everyone at the table simply kept silent at his obliviousness, a pause which he took as a cue to continue. "Uh, Combusken, we should get back to work now, or their food will get cold!"

"I can hear you just fine, Drilbur, you don't have to nag me," Combusken jumped up and down a few times to shake the mole around. Grovyle sheepishly fiddled with the leaves on his arms as he watched their antics. "Alright, we're going, ya numbskull! You three should come see us again sometime, when we're not losing all of our tail feathers trying to get to everyone! Bahahahaaaa!"

Keldeo stared darkly, then raised his hoof, pointed, and said, "I hate you."

"I mean, it's like watching Bud Abbot abuse Lou Costello. The humor of the situation is quickly negated by its mean-spiritedness."

After making sure that his had cooled enough to touch, the wood gecko scooped up a handful of his own berry-topped vegetable and popped it into his mouth.

He chewed a few times and cringed heavily, letting the strange food rest on his tongue for a moment as a strong spicy heat seared his cheeks.

"This story is a Grovyle Torture Fest!" Keldeo shouted, "Squidward is treated better than this! Spike the dragon is treated better than this! SPIKE!"

Keldeo growled and said, "Okay, so what happens on the next day?"

As she made her way back to the rest of the group, she firmly placed the dish in front of Grovyle, who raised his head slightly as he looked into it. It was filled with solid resin.

"I thought you said you were going to go early today to sell this, Lin?" The grass type thought aloud, glancing over in confusion at the older woman. Lin bowed her head, looking kindly at the younger Pokemon from behind her glasses.

"I was, but I think that if you three are going to go that way, you would be better off doing so yourself. Besides," The Mienshao explained with a playful tone in her voice, pointing a paw at the apple Grovyle was holding. "You are technically the one who found it, my dear."

"Yeah! Go run some errands for me, Grovyle! That's all you're good for!"

"Okay, I'm calling this story Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gorvyle's a Butt Monkey from now on!" Keldeo shouted, "Nobody wants to see Gorvyle stumble around like a hard luck idiot like this! It's like watching a Pokemon version of that new Travel Channel show, An Idiot Abroad. Oh, and about that show, the human race is doomed if that's the kind of stupidity that gets passed off as entertainment! No, don't give us a well thought out look into other cultures with a knowledgeable and well meaning guide who wants to learn as much as we do. Just throw out a dumber version of Mr. Bean! It's just like this fanfic! Don't give us a story about Grovyle, Celebi, Dusknoir, and the Sableye making a new life for themselves in a restored world as they have adventures with an optimistic outlook on life after all they suffered through! No, just have the Sableyes wander around, have Dusknoir do nothing, seriously Dusknoir barely even talks in this story, have Celebi halfheartedly tease her crush on Grovyle and then have her act moody half of the time, and them make Grovyle, the best character in the entire Pokemon Mystery Dungeon franchise who had the same voice actor as the Pharoah from Yu-Gi-Oh, into a lousy butt monkey!"

Keldeo took out his laptop and said, "Look, let me show you something." Keldeo went to the Photobucket website, went to Team-Heroes's Bucket, and went to the Pokemon Dusknoir, Grovyle, Celebi and Sableye image (tinyurl: ply78q9).

"Do you see that picture?" Keldeo said as he pointed to the scene of a hungry Grovyle, Celebi, and some Sableye sitting at a dinning room table as Dusknoir cooked a dish of stir-fried berries as a Sableye came over eagerly with his plate. "This is my favorite Pokemon fanart picture of all time. You could just stare at this picture and get a better experience than what this fanfic gives you. The Sun is sinning, Dusknoir is showing off some chef skills as he rushes to feed all his hungry friends, the Sableye are all happy with healthy appetites, Grovyle is impatient and urging Dusknoir to serve the food already, this is just a totally awesome scene and makes you smile and fills you with joy and satisfaction with the ending of these character's trials! You feel they earned their happy ending! Looking at this, I could see a story-line where in the world that they saved, these characters open up their own restaurant and run it in between Exploration and Rescue missions! There! That's an awesome plot for a fanfic and I just pulled it out of thin air!"

Keldeo closed his laptop and said, "And for one. Single. Picture to generate a story a hundred times better than this Grovyle's a Butt Monkey story, or for someone to even make someone like Grovyle into a butt monkey to begin with. . . it's. . . it's just completely backwards!"

Keldeo released his tension and sighed. "You know what," he said, "I need another minute. Sorry. I'll finish this story off in part 3. I promise."

Keldeo the Critic

We'll be right back!