The show! Will! Go! On!

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

Keldeo the Critic

Season 4 Episode 7: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live by Traveling Trainer

"Okay," Keldeo said with a frown, "So, after all that boring stuff, can we please, please get something to happen? Anything!? Maybe like, I don't know, a thief that robs the shop?"

"Hey, hold it there! Stop! Thief! THIEF!"

The sudden shout caused the three young Pokemon to tense up, and Grovyle hunched forward, his eyes flicking about as he searched for the source of the noise. They snapped their heads around to look at the general store when another yell rang through the air: Azul was pounding out of the door, hot on the trail of a small, blue-colored bug that carried a glass money jar under its arm and held a shimmering wonder orb in his other.

An angelic choir sang in the background as Keldeo's eyes widened and he lifted his hooves in adoration.

"PLOT!" Keldeo exclaimed in elation, "SWEET, SWEET, PLOT!"

Heavenly light shone down on the Accelgor.

"So, our heroes chase the thief into a forest where they come across a Snorunt."

"Hey," He said gently, kneeling down as he reached towards the Snorunt with open palms, the leaves on his arms just barely grazing against the dirt. "Can I ask you something?"

The ice type peeked out from its snow hat for a moment, tilting its head at the question. "Gigigi?"

"Dark future or not, they still speak the same gibberish,"

"The More You Know" music played as a picture of Snorunt appeared with a caption that Keldeo read aloud in a calm gentle voice: "Brought to you by the leftover racism from Foodfight and Transformers 2."

"So the Snorunt shows them where to go, they catch up to the thief, and then they have a boss fight."

"Hold it right there, thief!" Celebi yelled out strongly, swooping over to the unguarded part of the clearing as the three explorers revealed themselves. Her shout caused the Pokemon to jump a bit in shock, and the outlaw whirled around with a startled expression on his face – his surprise morphed into a grimace of displeasure when he recognized his pursuers, letting out a low whistle and pressing his loot against his chest.

"...I told you not to try it," He dropped his voice to a dangerous hiss, leering at Grovyle as he spoke, and the wood gecko stepped back, pushing his satchel behind his back as he dug his heels into the dirt again. The thief shook his head dismissively, leisurely dipping his arm into the pile of cash to take a single coin out. "You might have followed me, but I'm still more than a match for you. If you three want this cash so bad, then you can go ahead and take it back!"

Confused Matthew: "So they fight-fight-fight. Fight-fight-fight. Fight-fight-fight-fight-fight."

"Uh, no Matthew. Actually, he just throws broken glass at them and runs away," Keldeo says with a frown.

The jar of money harshly rang out as the bug type flung it strongly onto the ground, the glass shattering into dozens of shards, and Dusknoir yelped in pain as the thief flung his single coin into his eye. Grovyle felt his heart take a sudden nosedive, and Celebi sprang forward, holding her hands together as her eyes and antennae began to glow.

The thief ducked quickly as the fairy launched a group of glowing leaves at him; Grovyle ran forward as well, letting the leaves on his arms sharpen into a blade. The bug type noticed, though, and he swiped a few pieces of the broken jar from the ground. The clear glass sparkled from the light of Celebi's attack, and Grovyle sucked in a breath as he forced himself to trip and fall, wincing as the impact worsened his bruised chest. He could hear the air whistle above his head-leaf as the deadly projectiles missed him by mere inches.

Celebi's stream of magical leaves tapered off, and Dusknoir reared back to throw a hefty punch into the bug type's face, but said bug type was quicker without being burdened by the stolen money; he bounced up into a somersault and slammed firmly onto the yellow top of Dusknoir's head, using the extra height to jump towards the higher branches of the pale trees. He grabbed onto one and swung up.

"Oh my gosh, even the actions scenes are boring and lame! How does one thief get away form three Pokemon with years of experience! What, did he get training from the Greninja from Conquering the Dark?"

A scene of Greninja one hit KO'ing Zekrom played.

Keldeo sighed sadly and said, "Wow. . . I just. . . I had decided to give this story the 'A Guardian's Princess' treatment, then it appeared as if the plot was finally emerging, and then it all came crashing down. . . That's just sad. . ."

"So our heroes return the money and meet Glaceon the cop."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, then. My name is Glaceon, graduate of the Delibird Guild. I'm the commanding officer of the law stationed here in Snowrest Village." She took a deep breath and proudly puffed out her chest, her dark blue eyes framed by a pair of teal fur flaps that hung from a tuft on her forehead.

"She tells us how Accelgor is this big menace who keeps robbing explorers and how he's gotten bolder now. So, yeah, I guess he's the villain. Hopefully not the main villain, because that would be lame."

"Well, Grovyle gets a job at the item shop- wait a minute."

Keldeo briskly walked off, and then could be heard giving a loud frustrated scream. He then ran back in his Resolute Form and shouted, "You can't be this- this- this. . . I mean. . . He's a strong, brilliant, brave explorer and adventurer who saved the world and this is what the story lands him?! A job in a boring item shop? What is this, Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale?"

Recette: "Capitalism, Ho!"

"This is like. . ." Keldeo said, motioning wildly with his hooves, ". . .Having Captain America work at Baskin-Robins. . . and he's like 'what flavor would you-' YOU'RE A SUPER HERO! Use. Your. Mind!"

"You're...!?" Dusknoir blurted out, and Azul peered over the two grass types' shoulders at the surprised, wide-eyed ghost. "You're going to give us a job... working at your store?"

"Oh! Eheh, sorry, not quite," Azul shook his head. "With due respect to you and missus Celebi, I was just asking Grovyle to work at the store. With four Pokemon working in there, there'd be no room to breathe. 'Sides, if I hired all of you, I might as well have just let you keep the bag, cash and all."

Celebi wore a pout as she let her head fall into her hands, and Dusknoir grumbled under his breath. Grovyle couldn't blame them – their hopes had gone up and then down in the span of a few seconds – but kept quite anyway. Azul's offer was definitely quite generous. The fairy on his shoulder sighed. "Hmm... but then where should Dusknoir and I look? I was hoping that all three of us could keep looking around tomorrow and the day after that..."

Keldeo rubbed his face with his forehooves for a moment, and then said, "I really hate repeating myself, but when things get this stupid, I just have no choice. . . . Hey idiots! Why don't you just form an Exploration Team!? You get free room and board in the Guild! You get money and items after every mission! What is wrong with you?! Why don't you just form a Team! It's the answer to all your problems, and it would provide a way to make things actually happen in this story to help move the plot along. Why are you all so stupid!?"

Hiro-san: "Stupid! You're so stupid!"

Keldeo sighed, "Speaking of repeating, do you wanna know what else this fanifc is other than boring? It's repetitive. Because right after this burst of excitement, ooh! a thief steals money and runs away!, we get Dialga and Lapras looking around making sure their timeline's been restored, and then we get another Sableye wander around a Mystery Dungeon and get attacked. It's like rewinding a video a re-watching a scene you already watched earlier. Oh. My. Gosh."

Keldeo sighed, "Well, at least those Trickster Twins haven't come back-."

"Since that outlaw showed his face so close to the village, I'm increasing patrols, including mine. I was hoping you wouldn't mind... ah..."

Glaceon trailed off, her gaze drifted onto the two Eevees that accompanied her, and Lin smiled gently, her short whiskers bouncing as she nodded. "You're in need someone to look after Silver and Bronze while you're busy at Snowrest's borders with the other officers, Glaceon?"

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted with a horrified look.

The Eevee's parent stood still for a moment before bowing her head and letting out a long, unhappy sigh. "...I would be grateful if you could help me with this, Lin."

For a few brief seconds, the living room was silent, save for the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace. Lin patted the two children with her paws before starting slightly, eyes lighting up with an idea as she turned and smiled knowingly at Celebi and Dusknoir. The ghost folded his arms and tapped his now-cold bread against his shoulder in hesitation... he had a sinking feeling that the elderly Mienshao was about to suggest what he thought she was.

"Glaceon... why don't we let these two look after them?" The gray-furred mink replied quietly, and the ice type's ears rose up until they stood completely straight, a nervous expression on her face. Celebi tilted her head slightly at the fox; the look didn't suit the officer at all.

"I..." Glaceon said, trailing off just as soon as she started to speak. Silver, however, began to hop up and down in excitement, a big grin plastered on his muzzle. He hopped in a half circle to stare pleadingly at his mother.

"Yeah, yeah! Mom, don't worry, we rode our sled into these two the other day- er..." He paused when he realized exactly what he had blurted out, and he sat down and averted his gaze from Glaceon's narrowing eyes. "Ehehehehe! I mean, they look like nice Pokemon, mom! Pleeeeease?"

"Oh-NO! We are not using the Babysitting Episode trope!" Keldeo shouted with wide eyed disbelief

The fresh snow Pokemon closed her eyes and hummed, furrowing her brow in deep thought as she contemplated the idea. Celebi hopped into the air, flittering over to Dusknoir as the ghost scratched at the scarf running around his shawl collar. Glaceon glanced at the two of them questioningly. "Celebi, Dusknoir... you two did mention yesterday that you were looking for work, right?"

"That's right," Dusknoir replied, turning his attention away from his scarf to float forward a few paces, giving Glaceon a nod of agreement. "We had been looking around the market when Accelgor appeared, and Celebi and I were planning to continue looking today."

"I see... well. Would you mind if I asked you to look after Silver and Bronze while I'm on duty?" Glaceon asked, standing up straighter as she looked upwards at the large, ghostly Pokemon. "I will consider it work, and I am willing to pay you as such."

"Really?" Celebi's eyes lit up, a broad smile on the grass type's face as she clasped her hands together. "That would be great, officer Glaceon! Thank you, this really means a lot!"

"You know, I was begging for Dusknoir to say no," Keldeo said flatly, "But you know what? Not only does Dusknoir not object to this, he doesn't even speak! He says nothing during all this! He just floats there like a mannequin! It's like he's not even in this story! The only actual 'scenes' he has are where he talks to Grovyle about what they're gonna do, and. . ." Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, then he said, "You know, I was gonna include the fight scene with Accelgor, but now that I think about it, he didn't really do much then either!"

Keldeo tapped his chin thoughtfully and said, "You know what I think? I think the author had no clue what to do with Dusknoir since all he did was act evil and then have a sudden change of heart because his Friendship with Grovyle was Magic, so the author just put Dusknoir in the background and only had him contribute to the plot when it wasn't too hard, just like the Sableyes!"

"And why are they so happy about this anyway? Unless these twins need looking after every day, then this is not a steady job!"

Keldeo sighed, "Well, on the bright side, we might actually get some humor with these two little troublemakers tormenting the cheerfully naive Celebi and the grumpy and stoic Dusknoir. Sure, I know I initially reacted negatively to the Trickster Twins and Babysitting Episode tropes, but after all the boredom I had to endure in this story, I'm actually looking forward to cheesy comedic hi-jinks."

A sudden crunch shook the three small Pokemon out of their conversation, and Celebi glanced over at Dusknoir, who had remembered the bread he'd been holding for breakfast and had started to munch on it again. The mouth on the ghost's stomach wriggled, chewing and swallowing before he clapped his hands together to dust the crumbs off of his palms. "What exactly did you two want to do today while your mother was on patrol?"

"What did we want to do?" Silver parroted, and he turned his head upward, staring absently at the ceiling as his mind began to wander. Celebi smiled in amusement – she wondered if the two kids had thought about it at all. "Umm... oh, I know! Let's play at the beach! I bet there's still lots of snow there, Bronze! Right?"

"The beach? Oh! Yeah, yeah!" The brown-hued fox's voice cracked as he spoke, eagerly nodding at his brother, and the two started to scamper around the room, running circles around Dusknoir and Celebi. "Miss Celebi, mister Dusknoir, can we go to the beach today?"

Celebi laughed spiritedly, gently bumping her heels against Dusknoir as she rested on the edge of her friend's shawl collar. Both Eevee skidded to a stop and stared up at the two of them with utterly hopeful expressions; Celebi had to stuff her mouth into her scarf to keep from cooing at the sight. "Yeah, that sounds like it'd be fun! Dusknoir and Grovyle and I were there the other night, but we haven't been there during the daytime, so you two could show us around!"

Keldeo clapped his fore-hooves together and said, "Alright! Good! Beach! I'll take it, let's just go!"

"I hope you aren't planning to try making a sled again, like you did before," Dusknoir replied dryly, floating over with folded arms. Both Silver and Bronze let out awkward laughs at the memory, and Celebi giggled at them, hugging herself a little tighter as she stomped a few times in place.

Bronze shook his head at the ghost, ducking into the snow and pushing forward, stopping once a small lump of fluff had formed. The Eevee patted it a few times with his paws, cold flakes sticking to his fur, and spun around to show it to his brother. "I was right, Silver, the snow's really good today! We should all have a snowball fight, we can have teams and everything!"

Celebi and Dusknoir both glanced at each other in confusion, and the fairy spoke up, tilting her head as she smiled cheerfully at their charges. "A snowball fight?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Silver grinned in excitement, whipping around to stare at the two other Pokemon nearby. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, miss Celebi, you be on my team, and mister Dusknoir can be on Bronze's team!"

"Huh, that's actually pretty interesting. It's so cold here that even the beach is covered snow," Keldeo said in genuine interest, "Well, time for a hilarious funny snowball fight which promises to be comedic gold-."

The pink fairy excitedly lunged forward, practically punching the air as she flung her snowball hard. With a grin, she looked up to try and see where it would land. She spotted the fluffy ball rising upward against the sky, getting larger as it started its descent-

Wham! She was suddenly tackled into the snow, and she gasped, staring down at her furry attacker in confusion. She lightly kneed the Eevee's stomach, and she felt him move from her front to her back, pushing her onto her feet. "Why were you just standing there, miss Celebi? That snowball was headed right for you... haven't you ever had a snowball fight before?"

Is that how it worked? She blinked at Silver's confused voice, her head flicking around to glance at where she had just been standing. True to his word, she could spy her footprints, and a huge lump of snow that stuck out just behind them. Looking over across the shoreline, her eyes narrowed at Dusknoir, who was carrying another projectile in both hands, Bronze directing him just as Silver was helping her. That was hardly fair... but... wait!

"Silver, I've got an idea now!" She said cheerfully, letting a giggle slip as she lay low with her teammate. The grass type patted the young Pokemon, who had flattened his ears and squatted alongside her. "See if you can make me a nice big snowball that I can carry, okay? If they get to use big ones, then we should do something too!"

The grass type wrapped her arms around the snowball and fluttered into the air, holding tightly as she lifted the clump of fluffy flakes with her. Once she was sure it wasn't going to slip out of her grasp, she winked at the young Pokemon. "Watch this!"

Celebi's wings buzzed loudly as she flew high into the air, a couple mis-aimed lumps of snow passing her by as she looked down at the beach. Silver, Bronze, and Dusknoir had paused to stare at her, and she jumped at the chance, dashing towards her friend. The ghost type floated backwards a bit upon realizing that he was her target, but it was to no avail, and Celebi let go of her surprise snowball as she passed over his head.

Someone barked out a laugh, prompting her to turn around, and she giggled behind her fingers at Dusknoir; the snowball had cleanly fallen onto the round antennae on top of his head, the unpacked crumbs sliding onto his scarf and shawl collar. He blinked a few times, reaching up to brush the cold flakes off of him, and Celebi flapped over to him with a smile. "Gotcha, Dusknoir!"

The ghost furrowed his brow at the grass type, and she suddenly felt two large bunches of snow pile onto her head all at once, sending her dropping to the ground like a stone from the shock of the slush. Her fall was cushioned somewhat by the layer of flakes below, and she bounced upon landing, shaking herself partially loose. The warm air that her scarf had stored seemed to vanish instantly, replaced by cold wetness, and Celebi's teeth started to chatter uncontrollably as she thought to herself. How had she not noticed the snow Dusknoir had? Despite her current predicament, she inwardly laughed at her oversight.

Keldeo yawned, "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it. It's like the quote-unquote 'slapstick' in Fate by Skiptastic. It's just them dumping snow on each other, it's not even clever."

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and asked, "And why is Celebi, a Grass-type, taking part in a cold weather sport like this without wearing a hat, at least? Now isn't that kinda-"

She blinked when Dusknoir suddenly recoiled, and he turned around to reveal another snowball that had collided with his back. Both explorers watched as Silver scampered over from across the beach, and upon spotting his teammate, he grinned and snorted. "Hey, miss Celebi! I was wondering why you didn't fly back!"

"Y-y-yeah..." She managed to stutter out, and the brothers' ears flicked at the sound of her voice. They hastily ran over and started to dig into the melting lump, and the pink fairy found herself fully freed from the snow, the cold nipping at her even more as she was exposed to the open air. "Rrr-r-r-r..."

Dusknoir floated over to the three Pokemon, staring firmly down at his friend as he picked her up. His eye widened slightly as he touched her. "Silver, Bronze, Celebi's freezing cold. She's a grass type, remember, she's weak to the cold!"

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "You figured that out after you dump two giant fist fulls of snow on her! What are you, a dummy!? How could you possibly forget that Grass-type are weak to the cold, practically bury her with snow, and then suddenly be like 'duh- uh-oh! Cold be bad for Grass-types'! You- you. . . . this is like if the Justice League took Superman to the Kryptonite Cafe and replaced all the light bulbs in the place with red sun lamps!"

Keldeo suddenly froze and said in complete shock,"Oh my gosh. . . wait a minute . . . this is actually way worse than I thought. . . WHY DID CELEBI NOT REALIZE THIS! How did she not comprehend that her playing in the snow was a bad idea? Did she forget she was a Grass-type? How ditzy can you be?! I take back what I said before. This is like Superman walking right into the Kryptonite Cafe of his own free will! IDIOTS!"

"Well, why these four children run to the twin's home to warm Celebi up, we see. . . that Grovyle is. . . just. . . running the shop. . ."

Recette: "Capitalism, Ho!"

"Go ahead and get yourself acquainted with the place, alright, kid? It isn't too hard to find stuff in here, as long as you're paying attention. I'll be in the back if you need me."

Wait, huh? He blinked in surprise and whipped his head around, watching as the water type shuffled past him, reaching out and- ahh, the wall was empty because of the curtain hanging over it. Azul ducked his head to made it under the frame, and once his footsteps stopped, the only noise in the shop was the wind blowing outside of the cabin. He hadn't gone very far, but it still made the room feel unfamiliar. This was the general store. He was working here now.

Keldeo sighed, "Well. . . does anything interesting happen here?"

Keldeo shrugged, "Well. . . we meet a Simisage who buys a bigger bag. . . we learn that an abandoned windmill has been hit by some blizzards. . ."

"I'm talking about the big ruined windmill near the mountains up there, that's what, kid," Azul retorted with a snap of his jaws, standing up fully as he thrust the Simisage's wallet back at her, with most of the money inside now gone. The green-furred monkey swiped it up quick, grabbing her wildly-flailing tail and tying the pouch back on, and Grovyle helped Azul lift a second backpack off of the wall. "The place's has been getting hit with snowstorms left and right recently, and nobody's been able to get through 'em. Nowadays, folks don't even bother trying because the blizzards fall too thick."

"Wha- seriously?" The Simisage gawked in response, taken aback by the news. Grovyle took one last glance at his map before stuffing it back into his own bag. "You've gotta be joking! Why's the weather there acting up so bad anyway?"

"Y'know, I've been wondering that a little bit myself, too. You and your friend just be careful out there, alright?" Azul replied with a snort, scratching at his red spines as the monkey took the second hiking pack and pulled it onto the ground. A nudge from the shopkeeper caught Grovyle's attention, and when he noticed the Feraligatr gesturing towards the door, he perked up and jogged over, opening it up for their customer. The ever-present cold swirled inside yet again, though not as strongly as before, and Grovyle reminded himself with a shake to check if his scarf had dried out yet.

"Yeah, we'll be fine," The Simisage replied with a grunt, walking backwards as she dragged the merchandise – her merchandise now, Grovyle corrected himself – across the floor, and when she had gotten one foot out the door, she flashed the two of them a grateful smile. "Look, thanks for the tip on the windmill, shopkeep! I'll ask my friend about it and we'll see what we can do, hey, Aurorus!"

"You know. . ." Keldeo said with a small smile, "I think this scene is trying to show how friendly and helpful Azul is to his customers. How he gives them tips and shows concern for them. I like that. It makes me really like this character and get invested in him. Nice job."

Grovyle smiled back, nodding a goodbye, and the explorer looked over her shoulder and yelled again as she departed. The wood gecko waited until the hiking pack had bumped over the doorframe before he hurriedly shut the gap in the wall, exhaling lightly as he stepped back.

So... that had been his first customer. His stomach did a nervous twirl in satisfaction, and the grass type folded his arms, the smile on his face staying right where it was. He felt undeniably pleased with himself.

Keldeo face-hoofed, "Grovyle, how old are you? Seriously, how old are you? I mean, why is this a reason to feel so fulfilled? I mean, you saved the entire world!"

Keldeo put his hooves down and said, "Well, after that, we just get a bunch of random Pokemon who come in asking for things."

Keldeo shrugged, "It's not bad. We get a lot of world building, we meet some fun characters who need stuff. If you like reading about characters talking and buying stuff. . . then this is the story for you. . . I guess."

"Then Grovyle gets paid, goes home, and meets up with Celebi, Dusknoir, and the Eevee twins, and Celebi tells the Zorua Reviews version. . . no, wait, the Chester A. Bum version of their battle with Dialga. . . uggh. . ."

"We've been on a lot of great adventures, you know! So, let me think for a moment... hmmm... what could we tell you about..."

Dusknoir grimaced as the grass type brought a fist to her mouth and cleared her throat. She then crossed her legs, thinking hard to herself, or at least that's how it looked. The two kids snickered under their breath at the display, turning towards each other in excitement.

"Oh! I know!" Celebi snapped her fingers as the group of four passed through the village gates, turning at the crossroads and heading down the path to the beach again. Celebi breathed into her palms, rubbing them together as she spoke. "There was this one time, when Grovyle, Dusknoir, and me too, of course, all had to fight..."

The pink fairy trailed off, letting the tension build, and she barely restrained herself from laughing at Silver and Bronze, who were already staring intently at her, enraptured by her playful storytelling. She noticed Dusknoir furrow his brow, and rolled her eyes at him.

"Who was it, miss Celebi?" Bronze finally broke the silence. "Who did you have to fight?"

"We had to fight a... dragon type Pokemon!" At that, Celebi dramatically flung all her limbs out, grinning widely as the children gasped right on cue – Silver's tail even stopped waving around for a full second – and she let another couple moments pass before continuing. "We were all climbing up a big mountain, chasing after him, you see. He was trying to run away, and Grovyle, Dusknoir and I had to go and stop him!"

"Run away? What did he do?"

"He... he stole a lot of things from a lot of Pokemon." The gears in Celebi's head were starting to turn, Dusknoir mused, as she devised a makeshift motive right on the spot. "He stole a lot of things that the Pokemon needed to live. But there were a lot of wild Pokemon up on the mountain too..."

"Wow, these two are very easy to entertain," Keldeo said grouchily.

"Well, to the story's credit, we get a moment of introspection from Dusknoir."

Dusknoir's nerves stayed on-edge, despite Celebi's vague descriptions as she continued to weave her yarn. The occasional visitors, most of them likely heading towards Snowrest Village, either took one look at him and stepped to the side with a polite, if just as nervous, smile, or found themselves staring at the little pink grass type in the front. The ghost sneaked a shifty peek behind him, raising his head to see just over his scarf and collar, and sighed inwardly at some of the still-gawking Pokemon, who were trying to walk backwards through the snow, still caught off-guard by Celebi.

Despite his annoyance, he knew that he couldn't blame them. His size was enough to intimidate some Pokemon outright; he had gotten used to it back when he and the Sableye had been working with... Primal Dialga. And Celebi was... well... Guildmaster Delibird, Azul, and others had already commented on the legendary Pokemon. His mind drifted back to his time in Treasure Town, distantly hearing the oodles of praise and adoration he had been given just for being a 'famous explorer' alone.

Then the ghost remembered what he had done afterward, and shook his head, dropping his arms to his sides as he tried to break out of his daze before it dredged that memory up. The tips of his fingers barely grazed against a rather thick pile of snow, helping him to come back to his senses, and he looked ahead.

Keldeo nodded, "Well, yes. Dusknoir feels bad about what he's done with his life. But really, in order to develop this arc and make it interesting and important to the plot, we need to see Dusknoir move towards dealing with his problems, maybe talking about it to Celebi and Grovyle, or the Sableyes, or maybe even confiding in someone else in the town. That hasn't happened yet, so this scene is pretty much just. . . okay. . ."

"So, the group goes to the inn, and guess what we see next?"

"Hu-hurgh..."

Tiny, clawed feet scratched against the sleet-laden rock, the incessant noise echoing around the rising path, only accompanied by the muffled gusts coming from far above. The purple imp wondered if his numb legs would freeze to the ground if he stopped, and the thought forced him to keep moving, taking step after step after-

"That's right! Another Sableye scene," Keldeo said in annoyance.

He could see the ocean stretching far off in the distance, and a big forest... and was that that village where master Dusknoir was!? It was hard to tell, since his vision was getting weird and watery, and his strength from just moments ago was running out...

He went limp, landing on his side in the soft snow.

"All I'm getting is that the Sableye are getting picked off one by one," Keldeo said, "Why? Is this part of the villains plan? Heh. You know, if this story is building up to some master plan, then maybe it'll all be worth it. Although I can't figure out why the villain has it out for Sableyes."

"Grr, Drilbur, will you just shaddup and try to keep up with me?"

"Huuuuuh! Hmph, I'm going as fast as I caaaan!"

"Oh-no, It's Abbott and Costello again!" Keldeo shouted.

Dusknoir was about to continue Celebi's story when a loud, scratchy scolding sounded inside of the inn, followed by a deep whine, and the ghost rose up a little, looking for the owners of the voices. Some tables across from them, Combusken and Drilbur weaved a path through the cafe's visitors, awkwardly carrying a small tray between them; the former was hunching over, and Dusknoir leaned from side to side, managing to glimpse the chicken's partner, who was having to jog on his tiptoes.

"Oh boy, there they go..." Bronze said, and both Celebi and Dusknoir looked at him. Dusknoir scratched at his neck as the brown-furred Eevee shrugged. "Mom doesn't take us here very much, but whenever she does, mister Combusken and Drilbur are always arguing like that."

"They were a little grumpy when we came here with Lin and Yama," Celebi thought aloud, getting to her feet and pushing into the air, holding her hands up to her eyes as she spotted both Pokemon. "I didn't think they were always like that, though! No wonder it seemed like they needed some extra help."

Keldeo smiled, "Good! Celebi and Dusknoir can get a job here!"

"Well, shhhoooooot!" Combusken drawled, throwing his free arm in the air. Silver and Bronze looked up from their chat in curiosity, watching the older Pokemon. "If I knew that you were needing something to do, I would have asked Grovyle to help us when he mentioned it the other day. Sheesh!"

Celebi's eyes widened, and she stood up, her antennae bouncing and her wings flapping a couple times instinctively. Dusknoir coughed, glancing at the grass type out of the corner of his eye as she spoke up. "R-Really? You're looking for help here in the cafe?"

"Yeah, I guess! You can have the job instead of Grovyle, then! Come by tomorrow morning and we'll show you the ropes!" The chicken quickly replied,

"Celebi, are you leaving me to deal with those kids all by myself?" Dusknoir murmured, lowering his voice enough so that the other Pokemon wouldn't hear him. Celebi spun on her heels, the loose ends of her scarf whipping into her arms as she looked at the ghost with a confused expression, but she gasped and tumbled onto her backside when a large gray finger poked her forehead. She blinked a few rapid times, craning her neck to stare at her friend, who continued to speak, deadpan. "I suppose I do have more experience working with littler Pokemon than you do."

"Wait a minute, so Dusknoir doesn't get a job?" Keldeo asked, "I thought the inn needed a lot of help? Why doesn't that jerk of a Combusken hire both of them?"

"Hey!" The little legendary fluttered up onto her feet and folded her arms in mock indignation, glancing around the busy building, some visitors getting up to leave while others wandered in from the cold. "I... well, I guess I was interested in helping out here, but what am I going to tell officer Glaceon? She probably won't be happy to hear that I got roped into working somewhere else."

"Oh, so the babysitting job was a steady job?" Keldeo asked in shock.

Keldeo tossed his hooves up in confusion, "Okay, sure, why not. It's not like anything else makes sense in this story."

"Miss Celebi?" Both Celebi and Dusknoir turned around. Bronze was gazing thoughtfully at the two of them, idly pawing at the scruff of tan fur around his neck. "Um... Silver and I could try and talk to our mom for you, if you wanted. When she dropped us off at miss Lin's house yesterday, we heard her say you were looking for work, so if mister Dusknoir took care of us and you worked here, that would be good for both of you, wouldn't it?"

Celebi smiled, sitting down and dangling her legs off the edge of the table, kicking her heels against the wood as she nodded at the young Pokemon. She briefly glanced at Combusken and Silver, the latter still pondering over what to get to eat. "Yeah, it'd be really good. I still don't think your mom would be very happy about it, though."

"She'll probably be unhappy with mister Combusken instead of you," Bronze remarked, tilting his head somewhat. "Mom doesn't take us here that much because they argue, but she seems to butt heads with mister Combusken a lot anyway. She says he's direct, whatever that means!"

"Hrm. I think I know exactly what she means." Dusknoir reached up to scratch underneath his scarf, letting out a weary sigh when Drilbur finally jotted down what Silver wanted to order, and Celebi tried and failed to stifle a chuckle, eliciting a cheerful laugh out of Bronze in the process.

"How is Combusken being a horrible jerk of a Pokemon funny? All he does is abuse that poor hardworking innocent Drilbur and apparently get the twin's mom angry all the time. He is just so unlikable!"

And I know what you're thinking; there are a lot of jerk characters who are still likable or entertaining, like Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh. But what makes characters like that likable is that we are given a reason to sympathize with his frustration. Like, maybe the characters around them do things that earns the jerk character's ire, or maybe the situation is so ridiculous that you can't blame the jerk for getting frustrated. Kaiba's skepticism regarding magical children's card games and Egyptian fairy tales is completely understandable and makes him a good foil for Yugi and the Pharaoh. But Combusken's jerkness serves no purpose except to get us mad at him and make us feel bad for Drillbur."

Keldeo pouted and said, "Don't believe me? Well then, let's take a look at all of Combusken's jerk moments."

The platter stopped, teetering and tottering back and forth as it tried its best to make it onto the tabletop, and the Combusken chuckled.

"Bahahahaaaa! Can't quite get it, can ya, numbskull?" Combusken squawked as he squatted down and lifted the platter into the air with a single hand, hoisting up the small mole that dug his claws into the bottom of the dish

Combusken brusquely picked up Drilbur by the scruff of his neck and dropping him onto the floor. "Here ya go, Lin, Yama! Potatoes and tea, two for you and three for the new freeloaders."

"Uh, Combusken, we should get back to work now, or their food will get cold!"

"I can hear you just fine, Drilbur, you don't have to nag me," Combusken jumped up and down a few times to shake the mole around.

"Alright, we're going, ya numbskull! You three should come see us again sometime, when we're not losing all of our tail feathers trying to get to everyone! Bahahahaaaa!"

"Grr, Drilbur, will you just shaddup and try to keep up with me?"

not a second later as someone inched their chair out, readying themselves to leave... right in the way of Combusken and Drilbur! Celebi had noticed it too, stifling a gasp, and before he knew it, his fairy friend fluttered away, her arms firmly held forward.

"Hey, look out!" She called, swooping just past the startled patron and bumping against Combusken's shoulders. He squawked in surprise and stopped walking; Drilbur was content to take a breath of relief and lower his heels to the ground. Celebi fluttered back a couple steps, smiling brightly at the chicken as he glanced over his shoulder, his orange plumage bristling in places.

"Waah!? What, what is it what's going on now!?" He barked loudly, only noticing the chair in his way after he finished yelling. "...oh."

The offending Pokemon averted his gaze in embarrassment as Combusken shot him an annoyed glare, and quickly got up and left, vanishing into the crowd. Drilbur shuffled his feet, still not entirely sure what was going on.

"Thanks... ohhhhh, it's you again!" Combusken said half-thankfully, half-accusingly; Celebi blinked at his tone, then spun around, seeing Dusknoir waving stoically from their table. "Alright, hang on, then, go and fly back to wherever you and your pals are sitting and we'll get to you when we can get to you, bah-hah-hahaaaaaa!"

"She just saved you from having an accident you rotten jerk!" Keldeo shouted angrily.

His eyes narrowed soon after. "Ohhh, I see how it is now. Drilbur and I noticed you playing out on the beach yesterday. That was a pretty nasty snowball you took, miss Celebi, bwaha!"

"No, I remember now, Lin said you were, ehh, freeloaders! No, wait, freelancers. Right?"

Keldeo let out a long, low, exasperated sigh.

"Well . . . fine then. Celebi has to work for this bad boss. Fine then. I guess I should just submit and accept that nothing interesting is ever gonna happen in this story."

An incredible storm raged outside of the small, cramped cavern, layer after layer of sleet and slush pelting down from the huge, gray clouds that hung, unmoving, in the night sky, blotting out the light of the moon and the stars. Tall, jagged icicles hung from the top of the tunnel's entrance, still gleaming against the backdrop of pure white snow, and the harsh wind sent echoing roars deeper underground, constant noises that bounced through the cave. The blizzard was loud enough to even drown out a particularly loose rock that suddenly began to move, scraping and shifting, until it toppled over, slamming hard onto the icy floor and sending puffs of dust up from the ground.

Keldeo raised an eyebrow.

"What is this? An expertly described setting?"

A Pokemon warily poked its head out, looking around before easing its way out of the hole in the wall, glancing over its shoulder at the prone form tied to its back, then tightening its grip on the other load it held close to its chest. It made a short hop and slid down the curved slope, hunching low and slowing to a stop near the fallen stone. A few moments passed as the Pokemon got its balance back, and it rose to its full height, letting out a low grunt when it peered out, the world beyond completely hidden from view. "Storm's still going... the nightly rounds must be finished by now. I'm just in time."

"Yes, you are." A hoarse croak replied, barely audible above the snowstorm.

Keldeo jumped in shock, his eyes wide and filled with the light of curiosity.

"Who could this be?"

Accelgor tensed up, whirling around and staring at the path leading further into the tunnel, his eyes tracing the thin, glowing seams of ice that ran through the rocky walls and faintly illuminated the darkness. The bug type tried his best to locate the source of the voice, but eventually gave up after a minute or two of fruitless searching, slowly shuffling his way into the depths of the cave afterward.

"Sorry for making you wait for me, master," Accelgor said curtly, wincing when the light from one of the veins of ice reflected against the diamond-studded body he carried, a glare flashing in his vision. He glanced away, blinking rapidly. "The test worked out okay, as far as I know-"

"I already know about the test, Accelgor. We performed another one while you were busy," The croaking voice interrupted matter-of-factly.

Keldeo looked intrigued.

"Could it be? . . . The beginning of an evil plot?"

Accelgor frowned at the dismissive remark, but shook it off, craning his neck to peer up at the ceiling. A few tiny pinpricks of light shined within the stone, and the blue-colored thief briefly caught a glimpse of the other speaker: a thin, lanky figure that was clinging to the top of the passage. It still managed to keep up with him despite being upside-down. "So we know how far we can go?"

"Crevice Cave at best. Any farther and things start to wear off."

The Pokemon fell silent, leaving the bug type below to mull things over. After a minute or two of wandering around the mystery dungeon, the ice-lit path as empty and uninteresting as ever, Accelgor glanced around, shaking his head at the Snorunt that was slung over his back. "As you can see, I found our little runaway making friends, so we don't have to worry about that anymore."

"And the village?"

"Ah... mm," He trailed off, slowing his pace somewhat as the other Pokemon got right to the point. "I found a good mark and picked something up, but a few explorers managed to tail me. I had to give up the take so I could get away."

The bug type glanced upward again when he heard a grumble in response, but quickly snapped his head back downward when he reached a steep drop, hunching low, then leaping off of the small cliff. Pain ran through his feet when he hit the ground, and he paused for a moment to catch his breath while waiting for the ache to fade. Up ahead, he could see the a warm orange light intruding on the white sheen of the natural ice, accompanied by a distant crackle.

Accelgor let out a sigh, making a move towards the end of the tunnel, but stopped in his tracks when the tall, lanky Pokemon abruptly landed right in front of him, holding its arms out to its sides and letting a long, scarf-like appendage fall down from its mouth.

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "IT WAS GRENINJA FROM CONQUERING THE DARK!"

The bug type stood at attention as the other figure circled around and untied the Snorunt – a strange, rather unpleasant scent wafted through the air, and Accelgor hoped the other Pokemon couldn't see him cringing.

The silhouette eventually walked back in front, holding the Snorunt by one of its stubby feet and dragging it against the floor. "That's good enough, then. As long as they keep to themselves and don't try to sniff out our business, then we're in no danger."

"Are you sure, master?" The blue bug said, reaching over and scratching his red head in confusion. The unconscious Sableye hung limply in its other elbow, its gemstone eyes dull.

"Of course I'm sure. The police would have gone on high alert if you had managed to steal something or not," The other thief snapped, bringing his arm up to stare into the Snorunt's face. Its eyes weakly fluttered open, a pained 'gi?' escaping its lips. "And as for you...!"

The Pokemon suddenly whirled around, flinging the Snorunt towards the wall. Accelgor sucked in a breath, letting his other load slide to the ground as he dashed forward, pouncing at the snow hat Pokemon and catching it just before it crashed.

Snorunt: "Why must the minorities always die first in fiction!?"

The bug type grunted when he slammed onto his side, clutching the ice type close to his chest as they rolled to a stop, and he quickly got his bearings back, picking himself up and dusting himself off as best he could. When he turned his head to stare at his master, he found that he was alone in the cave, save for the purple imp splayed out a few paces away.

"Toss them both in with the rest. That's all."

Accelgor bowed his head, his brow furrowing as fatigue started to set in. "Very well."

Keldeo let out a cry of adoration as he fell backwards and rolled around ecstatically.

He got back up slowly and said, "That scene was insidious! It was incredible, oh my gosh, I just-! WOW!"

"First of all, we finally see our main villain: Greninja. A master ninja who's extremely power, dark, mysterious, and if the way he took out that Snorunt is nay indication, sadistic. Also, the way Accelgor tries to save the Snorunt shows that he's not completely evil like his master, and will probably have a change of heart and get redeemed later on in the story. We even learn very subtly that Greninja has been attacking the Sableyes and has them locked up somewhere for some reason."

An angelic choir sang in the background as Keldeo's eyes widened and he lifted his hooves in adoration.

Keldeo laughed excitedly and said, "Finally! ACTUAL PLOT!"

Heavenly light shone down on the Greninja.

"Oh my gosh, it's like the author has finally made up for how boring and dull the first 12 chapters of this story have been!" Keldeo said, "Oh my gosh, I can't wait anymore! I need to see what happens next! Let's just go!"

*BUZZER SOUND EFFECT*

INCOMPLETE

Keldeo face fell in an instant. His who body began to shake as his teeth clenched tighter than a vice. He threw his head back as he closed his his tightly. And just when it looked like he was about to explode, he opened his eyes, looked straight ahead, and let out a deep breath.

"Okay," Keldeo said, "When I, or anyone else, browses fanfiction, and they find a fanfic, and they start reading it, they usually will stop reading and move onto to something else if the first 5 or so chapters don't grab their attention. Why? Because this is the internet, and the internet has a lot of content, so no one is going to waste their time reading through something that doesn't interest them when there's like 81,665 other Pokemon fanfics for them to check out. So, a fanfic needs to get interesting within the first 3 or 4 chapters in order to get the readers to Follow, Favorite, or just keep reading."

Keldeo nodded seriously and said, "So, even though the end of chapter 12 was AMAZING, and shows that the rest of this story will be amazing once the author gets back to writing it, I still have to say, as a Critic, that this story stinks. It doesn't matter how awesome the story gets later on, because we have to deal with 12 chapters of filler just to get to it! The only reason I didn't stop reading after chapter 5 was because I'm a Critic, and I have to read the story all the way through. If I was just a normal reader, I would never have gotten up to this point! I'm not even joking! Sure, maybe I might have skipped to the end to see where the story was going, but if I had read this story back before chapter 12 came out, I would have seen how boring it was at that point and never looked at it again."

"And it's not just that the chapters are full of filler. The characters aren't any good either! Celebi is ditzy and stupid; Grovyle is a naive, stupid, butt-monkey; Dusknoir barely does anything; and the secondary characters are all annoying, mean, stupid, or all three. The only interesting characters are Azul the shopkeeper, Greninja, and Accelgor. Azul looks alright, but they villains have only just been introduced, so there's a chance the author might ruin them too!"

Keldeo gave an almost apologetic look and said, "I'm sorry. I really am, but I just can't bring myself to like this story. And I feel bad because it had good setting descriptions and the potential for a really evil villain arc, but I just can't ignore its flaws. It couldn't even manage to make me laugh! It wasn't funny at all! And it tried. Believe me, it tried to be funny, but not one of it's quote unquote 'funny' moments worked! Not one! It's has the pacing of a snail, the majority of the characters are annoying, it ignores the experience our main characters got from their adventure's in Explorers of Sky, and what little this fanfic does have to do with the original game's story it's a complete slap in the face! It's all boring filler. Just stock, generic, annoying, boring, slow moving filler! It's the Jupiter Ascending of Pokemon fanfiction."

Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "So let me end this review by saying this: if this story were the plot of some kind of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Post-game or DLC, then I would be sure to demand my money back! Capitalism, Ho!"

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said before walking off.

Meanwhile. . .

Grovyle, Celebi, and Dusknoir were looking into the Passage of Time, with Dialga and Palkia standing in either side of it.

"GO NOW," Palkia said, "GO INTO THIS ALTERNATE WORLD AND SPEAK TO THIS MYSTERIOUS ENTITY."

"YES," Dialga said, "YOU MUST PREVENT THE ALTERNATE TIME LINE FROM CORRUPTING THIS TIME LINE AT ALL COSTS!"

"Don't worry, Dialga," Celebi said with certainty, "We'll let whoever or whatever it is know about our problem, and I'm sure the problem will be solved."

"Then let's just go already! We're wasting time!" Dusknoir said impatiently.

"He's right," Grovyle said urgently, "We need to move fast."

"GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!" said the Legendary Pokemon of Time and Space in unison.

With looks of resolution on their faces, the three heroes of time strode boldly into the Passage of Time on a brand new adventure. . .

The End

Credits

UHF

Krypto the Superdog

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale

My Little Pony: Tanks for the Memories

The Honeymooners: A Matter of Record

Nostalgia Critic- The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog/Sonic SAT AM

Nostalgia Critic- inspector Gadget

Nostalgia Critic- Foodfight

Nostalgia Critic- Jupiter Ascending

Conquering the Dark by AuraWielder

Special Thanks

Imperator Justinian

Confused Matthew

Aura Wielder

Mandopony

TV Tropes