Carys' POV

"I don't think that I knew that I wanted to die, I mean part of me must have known because it was inside my head. Hearing her voice saying all of those things, it might have been her voice but it was my brain stringing the thoughts together. The chemicals in my brain were almost perfectly imbalanced to the point where it brought out the worst of my trauma, I was trying to find a way for me to hurt myself without feeling guilty. I guess it was a weird form of self-preservation. But I understand now, I was sick and it wasn't my fault.

"I had all these feelings about her, instincts. And it makes sense now that I know she wasn't really my mother. I'd buried it so far down with the rest of my pain. My instincts were right though, even though I didn't quite realise what they meant, they were right. She's not my mother, he's not my father. Ceri and Gerwyn are my parents. Spending those 3 months in hospital was rough, but finding the right meds and practising the techniques you showed me, it was all worth it. I'm still taking the pills and I don't intend to stop," I tell Dr Stevens, my psychiatrist.

"And how do you feel about your scars?" He asks. It's something we've spent a lot of time talking about. I was subconsciously trying to erase my trauma by covering my scars with new cuts. Dr Stevens said it was a form of self-harm.

"I'm okay with them, I really am. I had scars from Kincaid and I used to hide them from the pack in the wild, but I don't hide them anymore. I am a little worried about going back to school, though. Kids can be cruel. And some people might see me as 'brave' or whatever so that'll be weird, but I've dealt with worse."

"You're strong, and you've got a lot of people in your corner, you'll get through it. And what about Ava? How do you feel about her being around a little bit more?" He says while looking up from his little notepad that all therapists in the movies have.

"We've been getting along. After we all got over the initial shock of everything, it became easier. I actually really like her. I can't blame her for wanting to know us. And she's been getting on better with mum too, that was one of my conditions."

Dr Stevens has taught me the importance of setting boundaries and not to be afraid to keep people at arm's length, but at the same time, I have to remember that my friends and family are here for me no matter what. We decided that if Ava wants to know me, then she'll have to prove herself to me. So we set conditions, the first one was that she can't get any lawyers or social services involved because it would ultimately harm my mental health, the second one was that she had to sit down with mum and have a conversation, I didn't force them to fix their relationship, but as long as they both made an effort to be civil, I would let Ava in. It seems to be working well for everyone. Ava visits on weekends and mum and dad spend full moons with her in the mountains.

I've had to spend the last couple of full moons at Segolia so they could make sure my wolf was healing too. They have a huge warehouse behind the main building that they've converted into an indoor forest. It's better than being locked in a cellar, but the ground is hard, the trees have been uprooted from their original growing places and replanted in soil laved with man-made fertiliser, and you can still smell the paint that they used to create a tacky starry night image on the ceiling. Still, it's not terrible. Jana and Rhydian are allowed to join me in there, and there are a few other Wolfbloods who use the space too. It's mostly for practising Eolas and Anceon. The best part is that the warehouse is soundproofed so we can howl as loud as we want.

"You're a good person Carys. Do you believe that now? Do you believe that you're valued?" He leans forward, putting his notepad down. He always asks me these questions, it's the main thing we've been working on; learning to accept that I am loved.

"Yes. I think I always did deep down. But the things that were going on in my head were like… blocking that. It wasn't me. At least not the whole time. There would be times when mum would have to keep reassuring me, Jana, too." I fondle the brown leather bracelet on my wrist; Jana made us matching ones from one of her old leather jackets.

"How are things with Jana?" He picks up the pad again.

"Good," I smile, "Amazing, actually. She's so supportive, I hope I can be as good to her as she is to me. Thank you for letting her visit me while I was an inpatient. I honestly don't think only being able to see mum was doing me any good."

"Of course, she's a big part of your life," he smiles back at me. "And how are things at home?"

"It's weird," I laugh, "But I like it. I always wanted a big family. Now I have two brothers and a half-sister. Bryn's adjusting surprisingly well, better not speak too soon though. He hasn't started school yet. It was a bit of a squeeze in the old flat, but now that mum and dad are both working at Segolia, we moved to a bigger house just down the road from the Smiths. Jana is staying with them, so she's always close."

"I'm really happy for you Carys. You've come so far in the few months you've been recovering."

"Thank you, I couldn't have done it without your help."

"Well, I think we're done for today. Same time next week?"

"Actually, I'm going to visit the wild pack with my family. Mum and Dad have to elect a new pack leader, even though we all know it's going to be Jana's dad. But there's like a ceremony and stuff. I think it's just an excuse to see the pack again. Can we skip the next two sessions?"

"Only if you're sure you can go without."

"I'm sure, and if I need anything, I have your number," he nods.

"Okay," he closes his notepad. "Good luck with studying for your exams. I'll see you soon," he shakes my hand and I walk out into the hall, where Jana is waiting for me.

"How did it go?" She kisses me on the cheek.

"It was good, I told him that we're going away, so I won't see him for a bit but he said it's okay, and that I'm doing really well," I smile, happy with myself and my progress.

"You are, I'm so proud of you," she gives me a proper kiss. A foot-popping-together-forever kind of kiss. We're in a really good place, my mental health is good, there's no drama with the wild pack or our pack. Everything is falling into place.

We've arranged to meet Tom and Shan for lunch in Shan's office. I still can't quite believe she has her own office now. That must be nice for her and Tom, as neither of their parents is too keen on them being alone together. At least their parents don't know how important Shan is to Segolia.

"So, when do you guys leave?" Tom asks as he slurps up his spaghetti.

"Tomorrow," we notice Shannon pull a face, "We'll be back for the first day of school, don't worry about that Shan," Jana says.

"I can't help but be worried, you both missed a lot of school last term. I just want to make sure you actually finish your GCSE's so you can-"

"So, we can what? Get a job here? You know that's not really our kind of thing. We're not scientists," Jana says. I can tell she's a little bit frustrated, she's been acting weird about the future lately. About our future. I decide to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, Jana can't even spell science," I joke. She playfully nudges me. "But seriously, Segolia isn't really for us."

"You might change your tune when you find out what kind of jobs they have to offer now," Shan says with a mouthful of salad.

"Like what?" I am curious. I tend to be more open-minded than Jana, who tries to ignore the topic of career paths altogether.

"Well, Sweeney's putting together a sort of protection agency. To keep tame Wolfbloods safe, and to stop other packs invading your territory. She's starting with a small team in the surrounding areas of the city. She wants the two of you right at the helm. When you've finished school, of course."

"That actually sounds kind of cool," I look at Jana, who's absent-mindedly playing with her food, barely paying attention.

"You'd get to spend your workdays out in the woods, surveying the area and everything. There is some desk work involved but it's not much. She wants you guys because no one knows the woods as well as you do, and you can fight."

"Jana," I nudge her.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sounds cool," she hasn't heard a word we've said.

"Okay, come on, Jana. We're going for a run," I pull her up from her seat. "See you guys next week."

"Have fun in the wild!" Tom shouts.

I yank Jana out of the building. "What's going on with you? Is it your instincts?" She nods, looking across the city at the mountains. "Your dad?" She nods again. "We'll see him tomorrow, if something's going on, we can help. Try not to worry."

"I'm sure it's nothing, I'm probably just excited to see him. I don't get excited very often." I laugh at her. We take each other's hands and run through the forest together.

This seems to be what we do most of the time, or when we get the chance at least. A lot of our time has been spent moving me in with mum and dad, and then moving Rhydian in, and then moving all of us to the new house. We did have a party once, though. To celebrate our family finally being together. One night, mum and dad went to go and get some stuff from dad's old house with the Smiths, they were gone the whole night. It was pretty fun until we lost track of time and got caught. So, Rhydian and I may have broken into dad's wine fridge, but it was one bottle, and Bryn was sound asleep in bed. Admittedly it was probably a dumb idea. Wine doesn't even taste nice anyway.

To be fair, we've made some pretty good memories this summer. We went to Norway with Segolia for the last full moon, they let me bring Jana. That was pretty special for us. We went for the whole week. Of course, Dad told mum what human teenagers get up to and mum assumed that that's what we would get up to, so we couldn't share a room. We've shared before of course, but she didn't know much about teenagers back then. She was right though. I snuck into Jana's room and we… well, we did what teenagers do. I didn't think it would be a big deal, after all, Rhydian and Maddy have done it, and Tom and Shannon. Not that we were trying to catch up. It was a big deal though, the second I got to her room, I had to take a minute to think about it. I was certain though, I still am. She's the love of my life and I'm so happy that we got to reach that part in our lives together. She's perfect.