Jana's POV

We look over at some of the older cubs who are watching us as Carys checks her phone and takes her pills. Their names are Ingrid, Tove and Beca. They're sort of like the K's of the wild, but a little meaner. Ingrid is Aran and Meinir's younger half-sister, after what Kincaid did, Meinir left the pack and Ingrid has been a little angry about it. "What do they want?" Carys asks. "They won't stop staring at me, they barely noticed me when we were here last time." I just want to talk to her about what my dad's been saying.

"I promise I'm not staying in the wild, I'm staying with you," I say to her. She looks down at the river in front of us. She doesn't quite seem to believe me. "Carys," I take her face in my hands, forcing her to look me in the eyes, "I promise."

"It's just, how can I be sure you're not staying in Stoneybridge for me? If it's what you want, then you should stay," she pulls away from me for a moment, then she turns back to me. "And I'll support you."

"It's not what I want, I mean it would be nice not to have to plan for a human future, but I want to be with you in the human world, and with all of our friends."

"Jana, you don't have any interest in anything I try to suggest. Even those amazing jobs that Victoria Sweeney is going to offer us, it's perfect for us."

I take her hands, "Okay listen, a job like that would be incredible, and yes, I would love it. But part of me feels like I'm not being true to myself you know? I was sort of born to be Alpha of this pack, and in a weird way I feel like I'm betraying everything I was made for. I've never felt like this, I've always been happy with my decision to be tame because it was my choice, but lately," I stop myself.

"What? Just talk to me," she pleads.

"Lately I feel like my decisions have been made by you!" I retort and instantly feel guilty. "I want to stay in Stoneybridge with you, I'm so sure of that. But I can't help how I feel." I feel awful for saying all of this, but I need to be honest with her.

"You really feel like that?" She says, pulling her hands away from me. I nod, now I'm the one who can't look her in the eye. "Why have you never said anything?" I shrug. "Fine, I'm going for a walk," she gets up.

"Carys, please don't be like that. I'm just trying to be honest." She starts walking away. "I know how much you hate lying, after everything you've been through, I get it Carys. I should have been honest from the start!" I shout after her, but she's gone. I don't bother following her, if she's allowed to be mad then so am I.

I want to stay in Stoneybridge, and I want to stay here too. I can't have both, but how can I choose between these two packs? Both have been loyal to me. With the exception of Aran and Meinir at times, but even they came around eventually.

The wild pack have so much to learn, especially the cubs, and I can teach them. Plus, my father's here, I can be a beta wolf again and then Alpha. But the human world has all of these amazing things that I can't believe I went so long without. And my beautiful Carys. Both worlds have so much to offer me, it would be stupid to pass up either opportunity.

But there are the negatives to each place too. I want to bring a family into the world, and it's not possible for Carys and me out here, however in the human world we have so many options, but my cubs would never get to grow up in the world that I did.

I love Carys with all my heart and I don't want to leave her. I know she would never want to come to the wild with me now that she finally has a family all under one roof. Maybe when we're older, when she gets bored of her job. What am I doing? I'm acting as though I've left her. I can't leave her. That has to be the only answer. So why am I so torn?

I walk along the river and watch the cubs playing in the trees. "Jana, come join us!" Cadwr shouts. He's sat on a large branch with Bryn, Gwyn is climbing as high as she can.

"I think I'll pass. I don't think your mother would be too happy with you messing about up there, Bryn." It still sounds weird talking about Ceri like this. She's become such a human mother and even more protective of her family—and that's not a bad thing. Especially with little Bryn, now that he's back she would fall apart if she lost him again. I think we all would. However, it might be fair to say she babies him a little bit.

"My tame mother isn't in charge of me," he howls, Gwyn and Cadwr copy him. He's always had an influence on them, he's his own Alpha really. Having his own betas is probably going to his head a bit too much. I laugh it off and continue on my walk.

It was so painful being apart from her that first month she was in the hospital. It's painful to be apart from her right now. But I'm mad at her, why can't she just understand me? I know it's selfish, but I was there for her in her time of need, all of her times of need, I sort of expected the same in return. I suppose her last relationship ended because of lies. But that was her lying, to protect the secret. Surely, she can understand why I haven't told her how I've been feeling about being tame. It's not like I'm completely changing my mind about tame life, I'm just a bit confused.

And her relationships with Geraint and Rhiannon, that was based on lies. How is someone supposed to know what kind of lying is okay? I mean, how was I supposed to know whether or not to protect her feelings?