Ch. 4

DPOV

Songs: Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues, Answer - Phantogram

A million questions raced through my mind on the short walk to Alberta's office; none I had the answers to. With each new step I tried to compile my thoughts, but it only brought on more unanswered questions that I would soon have to face. I was still in the dark about most of the events that took place the day of the attack and was at a total loss for an explanation of what I had witnessed happening to Rose. But one thing that would have been crystal clear to any witnesses that day, was my obvious and apparent concern for her.

I felt shame for lying to Alberta this whole time. Not only was she my superior, but I admired her greatly and had given her the impression that I was trustworthy enough to mentor a student she had come to love like a daughter. I should have come clean to her immediately after Victor's lust charm but was still unsure of how strong my feelings were for Rose at the time and overestimated my ability to resist her. I thought if I could somehow convince myself that the lies I had created as a cover-up were the actual events that occurred that night, I might be able to continue a professional relationship with Rose and only look back on the true events that unfolded between us in the depths of my dreams.

When I approached Alberta's office, I could hear voices on the other side of the door. Had she already come to a decision and called in the Guardian Council for my termination? Maybe she had anticipated some sort of resistance from me and organized a team to escort me off campus. If that were the case, there was nothing I could do to salvage this relationship, professionally or friendly, and I had nothing left to offer her other than the truth. I knocked on the russet oak door and before I could announce my presence she called out for me to enter. I said one last short prayer under my breath and walked through the entryway to my reprehension.

I held my head up, refusing to look insecure or ashamed for loving my Roza, and wore my stoic Guardian mask ready to deflect the judgmental looks I was sure to receive from the other Guardians in the room. However, when I entered, the room wasn't filled with a multitude of Guardians. No, it was worse.

Alberta stood with her hands pressed to her desk waiting for me to approach, to her right was only one other person leaning casually against the filing cabinet. Her arms were crossed over her chest, announcing that she was completely closed off to me, her auburn curls pulled back tightly to reveal a plethora of molnija marks on her neck, and she stood unnervingly still with a forbidding look fixed in my direction. Guardian Janine Hathaway.

Though I had almost two feet on the Scottish warrior, I felt about as small as a child under her scrutinizing glare. I must have lost my facade and looked as shocked as I felt, seeing that Alberta had to clear her throat to get my attention and motioned for me to take a seat. I nervously shuffled to the open chair in front of her desk and came to the realization that Alberta would be the least of my worries in this room.

"So Dimitri, I assume you know why I called you here," Alberta remained standing behind her desk staring down at me. If these women were carrying out an intimidation tactic, it was definitely working. Microscopic droplets of sweat began forming on my brow as I felt Janine's hot gaze burn a hole in the back of my head. I opened my mouth to speak, but Alberta interjected before my voice had the opportunity to escape.

"We need to go over the events that occurred the day of the Strigoi attack on campus." She switched her attention to some papers laid out in front of her and began reviewing notes she had jotted down.

"Where shall I begin Guardian Petrov?"

She looked up, holding my gaze for a moment, before shooting Janine a sidelong glance, then tilted her head back towards me. "Let's start with the gym. After Rose informed us of the Princess' capture." Her guise slightly faltered at the mention of Vasilisa, but she quickly recovered, ready to hear my take on the events that unfolded.

"I tried to think of the best course of action to conduct a search and rescue for Princess Vasilisa." Normally this would go against protocol but as the last Dragomir, I knew the other Guardians would agree that proactive measures needed to be taken to find the Princess.

"I pointed out the areas of presumed entry and exit of the fleeing Strigoi and outlined a strategy. It wasn't much, but it was the only information we had to go on at the time. Rose then used her bond to try and locate where the Strigoi had taken the Princess. This proved beneficial and brought us to the conclusion that they were likely to be hiding in a colony of caves a few miles outside of campus. Before we could determine our approach, Rose was forcibly pulled into the bond again." I could remember her terrified scream as she was forced to live those moments through Vasilisa's mind. Her brown eyes, normally full of vivacity and magnetism, were hollow as she fell to her knees frantically clutching her neck.

"Please continue." I looked up at Alberta, not realizing I had wavered from the conversation and tried to compose myself. She appeared to be studying my reaction, so I did my best to snap my Guardian mask back into place as I was forced to relay the next painful events.

"Rose voiced that the Princess was being attacked. She and Vasilisa appeared to be having a conversation, which was unusual since the bond had been predominantly one way up until then. It seemed to be affecting her more than I had seen in the past; not just emotionally, but physically as well." I heard a slight huff from behind me at the mention of Rose's physical state. "Rose was consoling the Princess through the bond, informing her of our plan to rescue her. Her emotions increasingly heightened and after a few moments she was released from the bond and pulled back into her own body. We all feared the worst for the Princess, but Rose was determined that she was still alive. She pushed passed the Guardians and fled from the gym."

"And you went after her." Janine had been primarily silent during my debriefing but voiced her observation in a quiet yet uncannily serious tone. I turned, causing creaks from the small wooden chair to echo through the room. I pulled my arm over the back of my chair to fully face her with my reply, "Yes."

She hadn't moved from the same position she was in when I walked into the room. "Why?"

Her question slightly unnerved me. Guardian Hathaway had entered the gym shortly after Rose as part of the requested backup to deal with the attack, and saw the events that unfolded thereafter. She knew what Rose had experienced and the danger she would be facing if she made it to that cave. How could I stand by and do nothing? Let the love of my life rush into certain death? I tried to settle my rising temper before responding and did my best to hide the aversion from my face.

"I knew she intended to try and reach the Princess. With the amount of Strigoi we witnessed fleeing the campus, she would have been highly outnumbered and her efforts, however brave, would have proved inconsequential," She looked puzzled by my response; understandably since not many of us would describe disobeying orders from a superior as "brave". I turned back to Alberta to continue. "As her mentor, I felt it was my responsibility to reason with her and keep her from making a grave mistake. I followed her out of the gym towards the back of the school. She was about to head into the tree line but as soon as she crossed the wards, something stopped her. It was like she hit an invisible wall." Alberta pondered this response for a moment while peering down at her paperwork to gather her next question.

"I understand Rose had been opening up to you about the bond between her and Vasilisa." I nodded in response. "Did she mention the bond affecting her this way? Physically immobilizing I mean."

"No. Sometimes she would seem slightly out of it as she was pulled into Vasilisa's mind, but she was still aware of her surroundings. This...this was something entirely different."

"Can you please explain?"

I tried to swallow but my throat had gone completely dry. Those next moments were some of the most horrifying events of my entire life. I had never felt more helpless as my love was torn to pieces before my eyes. I had barely allowed myself to fathom what had happened and wasn't sure how I would be able to get through the recollection. Anticipation radiated through the room as the two women silently waited for me to speak.

"By the time I could reach Rose, she was writhing on the ground screaming in pain. It was as if she was burning alive, but there were no flames. I tried to call to her to pull her out of the bond, but she only continued her agonizing screams. She was thrashing frantically, and I was afraid she would injure herself, so I tried to subdue her by holding her down. Her skin was feverishly hot, and her eyes were unfocused like a rabid animal. I kept calling her name over and over, but she couldn't hear me. She finally stopped yelling for the burning to stop, but she was still trapped in some sort of gripping torture. It was like something was pulling her away from me, from herself."

"I tried to hold her arms down as she clawed at her sides and neck. I was so afraid the darkness she talked about was completely taking over. All of sudden, she went completely limp and her whole body felt cold. I thought for an instant the pain had been too much and she went into shock, but when I said her name she looked right at me. I could tell she was finally back in her own body, but when she looked at me...her eyes…" I fought with every part of my being to not break down right then and there at the memory of that look. "Her eyes had changed. It was like the part of her that made her who she was, was gone. Her body was still whole, but her soul was shattered."

I'm not sure when Alberta had finally sat down, but she was looking at me intently with a combination of stupor and pity. I gripped my fists to keep my hands from shaking. That was the last time I had felt my Roza in my arms. Right before Alberta and Janine ripped her away from me as she screamed, cursing our love.

"Thank you, Dimitri. I can tell that wasn't easy for you." Alberta had been there for the rest but, like me, she seemed to have a thousand questions still racing through her mind; however, it was Janine that wanted answers.

"What did she mean when she said 'you should have been there'?"

And there it was. The reason I was summoned. "If she had been training with you and opening up to you more than anyone else, why was she reacting to you that way? Especially given your reaction; it would almost seem as if—"

"I am in love with her." It wasn't a question, but a statement. There was no avoiding it now, I had to come clean and make things right. I held my head up high, no longer fearful of my feelings showing through.

"Well that's obvious," Janine scoffed. "I knew that a week ago when I saw the look in your eyes after Rose bolted out of that gym." She finally let her arms down to her side and took two steps closer to me. "But that doesn't answer my question. Why did she turn on you like that? Why is she shutting everyone out, including the person she has supposedly been the most open and comfortable with the past few months?"

My former proud demeanor completely deflated. "I don't know." That same question had haunted me for almost 6 days. Why wouldn't she see me? Why couldn't she let me in?

"You don't know?!" I looked up to meet Janine's furious gaze. "Well, let me take a guess then," she leaned towards me speaking in a low voice with her face inches from mine. "You're a healthy young man with needs just like any. You saw an opportunity to take advantage of a certain situation that presented itself to you." Although her words were quiet and calm, they burned like acid as they slid off her tongue. "Maybe she even came on to you first. Rose is a rebellious girl with a promiscuous reputation. Who could really blame you for—"

"That's enough!" Her biting words rattled me to my core and I gripped the arms of my chair to prevent myself from jumping out of the seat. "Insinuate what you want about me, but do not speak about Rose that way. If you knew anything about her, then those slanderous, distorted remarks would have never even formed as thoughts in your mind. невежественная хаг."

Alberta held her hands up in reprieve at my outburst. "That's enough you two. It's clear we are all here for the same reason and want what's best for the girl. Dimitri, what Janine means to say is we're confused as to why Rose is reacting this way, refusing to let anyone help her." By the look on her face, Janine seemed slightly stunned and stepped back to ground herself against the filing cabinet.

I let out a frustrated sigh and ran my hand through my hair to calm my shot nerves. "I'm not sure. I don't think she blames just me for what happened, she blames herself too. It's possible she thinks that by loving me, and me loving her, we failed Vasilisa."

"I'm not sure I follow, Belikov." Alberta wasn't going to let me off with vague responses. I had been unconsciously denying the possibility of it, but I was quickly being forced into the realization that my Roza had lost her faith in me. I assured her there was a way we could be together without endangering Vasilisa and I failed her.

"After weeks of trying to move past our feelings for each other and resume a professional relationship, it proved impossible. We tried to avoid it. I would've done what was right and buried my feelings for her relentlessly, but I could tell it was eating her up inside as well. When it became apparent that neither of us could move on from this and hiding our feelings was tearing us apart, I offered an alternate solution. After she graduated I would request a reassignment and refuse my offer as the Princess' Guardian. We both agreed it was the only way that we could openly be together with Vasilisa still fully protected. I told her this the morning of the attack, and that evening the Princess was taken."

The two seasoned Guardians turned to each other engaging in a hushed conversation as I stood there in silence, unsure of what was going to happen to me next. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could endure. I had been dealing with all of these emotions and torments in secret for so long, that voicing them aloud now seemed like a betrayal. I would've thought I'd feel relief after finally admitting them to someone, but there was a winding pit in my stomach, like I had been completely drained.

Roza had this undying confidence in me that I could do anything. I failed her just before Victor's trial, and now I had failed her immensely so. How could she ever trust me again? Did I even deserve her trust?

Alberta finally turned to me as Janine took position behind her desk. "Listen Belikov, I am in no way condoning what you have admitted to here today. Your behavior has been completely unprofessional and more than enough as grounds for termination." My face paled as the chance to ever see Rose again started to slip through my fingers. "But Rose has lost too many people already. Even though she's refusing to see you right now, I still think you can help her get through this and sending you away would do more damage in the long run." I looked back and forth between her and Guardian Hathaway in shock, and Janine uncomfortably shifted her gaze to the adjacent wall as she rocked on her heels.

"Thank you, Guardian Petrov." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"As for the other bit, about you asking for a reassignment. It's imperative that information does not leave this room. I saw your dedication out in the field that day and without your warning from Rose, the casualties could have been insurmountable. You are not to blame for what happened to the Princess, but eventually, the Moroi will be looking for someone to hold accountable for this event. If word gets out about your plan to leave your assignment, for another Dhampir nonetheless, I won't be able to protect you. Do you understand?"

I took what she said into great consideration. She was right, and if I had the chance to uphold my bargain to Rose before the attack, this conversation would be only one of many interrogations and investigations.

"Yes. I understand."

"Consider yourself on probation Belikov." It was apparent the discussion was coming to a close, so I nodded in understanding and turned to exit her office.

"Guardian Belikov," Janine called to my back. "I know I haven't been there for the majority of my daughter's life, but make no mistake by thinking that I won't do everything in my power to eliminate the person who inflicts harm on her." I turned to face her so she could see the truth in my eyes when I spoke my next words.

"Then I can honestly say we are both in complete agreeance on the matter." I walked out of the office and shut the door behind me, finally feeling like I could breathe for the first time since entering that godforsaken room.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone out there reading!

I know I've said this before, but I have to give another HUGE shoutout to ohorpheuss for helping me with this story, and this chapter in particular. It gave me quite a bit of trouble and her amazing insight into Dimitri's mind was a godsend. I commend all of you out there writing DPOV stories and have a newfound appreciation for your skills.

Stay tuned for more to come, and feel free to let me know what you think so far!

MM