Don't ask me what this is, because not even I know.

Enjoy! ;)

"Oh my god! I swear you two couldn't keep it in your pants for five minutes if you had fucking money on it!

A harmless enough phrase to be sure, but little did Wales know the consequences that his outburst will have wrought.

The bet was as follows: No kissing, no 'inappropriate' touching, no heavy petting, and most importantly of all, no sex of any kind. The first one to cave and do any of those things to the other loses.

The prize? Well, that was to be decided by the winner.

So naturally, it was each of their plans to make the other as sexually frustrated as possible.

"Scotland, it's November, why are you not wearing a shirt?"

He'd been parading his naked torso around for the better part of an hour, and England had to repeatedly keep himself from staring. It wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't so fucking fit, nor would it be a problem if he'd recently gotten to feel him up, but as it stood...

"Oh, I'm sorry England," Scotland replied innocently, "All of my shirts are in the laundry, it can't be helped."

"Oh, can't it?"

Scotland shook his head, stretching his arms above his head, his spine curving deliciously. "'Fraid not, I'm going to work out soon though, so it's not too much trouble."

Naked England could do. Naked and sweaty and showing off his muscles England could not.

"You're welcome to watch, if you want."

Fuck.

Scotland: 1 / England: 0

"Good afternoon, big brother~"

Oh the smug brat wasn't.

"What did you want England?"

England appeared beside him, a sweet smile on his face, "Oh nothing, big brother, I just made you some tea." He held out a mug, biting his lip, and Scotland silently berated his penis for becoming intrigued. "A dash of milk and a shot of whiskey, just how you like it, big brother."

This was kink exploitation! And should definitely have been against the rules!

"Don't you want it, big brother?"

Fuck.

Scotland: 1 / England: 1

The lolly was completely cliché. Cliché and unoriginal and thoroughly uninspired. So why the fuck was it working?!

Scotland licked a stripe up the ice lolly, collecting the stray drips with his tongue. Sucking and licking and being a fucking tease!

"Is there any need to be quite so uncouth with that?"

Scotland looked up at him, sucking the lolly out of his mouth, it leaving his lips with a satisfying pop. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Scotland."

"What, no big brother?"

England's gaze turned sultry, "Only if that means you'll stop servicing the lolly and service me instead."

Scotland smirked, taking a huge bite out of the frozen confection, "You wish."

Fuck.

Scotland: 2 / England: 1

There were moans coming from the shower. Loud ones. And even though Scotland knew it was just a show, little Scotland seemed to be a little more gullible.

"England, stop wanking and let me in!" He growled, hating that they'd decided that England's tiny London flat with only a single bathroom was the place they were staying for the duration of the bet.

The answer was another moan, followed by a cooed "Naughty big brother, "

Little Scotland was a traitor.

"Oh yes, big brother, you're so good!"

Fuck.

Scotland: 2 / England: 2

Okay, the shower was one thing. But their living room was another. And don't get him wrong, he caught England masturbating a lot, but never before had he ever had to restrain himself from helping out, and it was fucking torture.

He stalked up behind England, who seemed otherwise unconcerned by Scotland's presence, leaning down to growl in his ear, "You're a conniving little minx. Fucking slut trying to get me to fuck you like the whore you are."

England moaned, huffing out a hot breath and leaning his head back against the sofa.

"Bet you'd like it if I grabbed your filthy little hand and stopped you," he continued, licking his lips, "Kept you waiting to cum until I told you you could. Filthy little cock-slut, if you wanted my dick so badly you could have just got down on your knees and begged."

England's eyes fluttered oven, and oh god, he moaned. Scotland found it hard to think of a moment when he'd wanted to fuck the smarmy dickhead more. And then England closed his eyes again, whining out a loud, "Oh please, big brother!"

Fuck England and his fucking sexy noises and his kink exploitation! Scotland wasn't fucking having it! Not this time.

Fuck.

Scotland: 2 / England: 3

England had to reluctantly admit that the dirty talk had got him off. Scotland was just too fucking good at it, and his voice was so husky and smooth and...

Fuck.

Scotland: 3 / England: 3

Fucking leather. He was wearing leather and piercings and his hair was fucking tousled. Fuck.

England just stared. This bet was shit, he'd never get Scotland to do this ever, trust him to give up his dignity when a bet was on the line. Fucking, conniving, sexy bastard...

"What do you think, England?" Scotland grinned, jutting out a hip as he leant against the door frame.

But England had more control than that. He turned his nose up with a huff, "I think that you look like the gayest thing in the room."

England missed Scotland's smirk, "Well you obviously haven't seen yourself."

Fuck.

Scotland: 4 / England: 3

Oh, so England was going the jealousy approach, was he? Well, we'd see about that!

Jealousy was just cheap. He wouldn't let it get to him. Oh no! He'd just ignore it.

"Are you doing alright there, Scotland? I can hear your teeth grinding from here." Belgium asked amusedly.

"Fine, just great thanks." He replied tensely, and marched past England and Belgium, sat a little too closely on the couch as they were, whispering something into each other's ears and giggling and exchanging little glances and-

Argh!

FUCK!

Scotland: 4 / England: 4

"I personally think you're both being idiots, if you're so frustrated then just fuck each other."

"North, you are the opposite of helpful."

"No, Scotty, I'm just being realistic, you're both tense as shit, this is becoming an issue. Frankly I'm considering spiking the two of you with a strong aphrodisiac and letting you get it all out."

"North."

"I'm not kidding, the tension is worse than when you had your independence vote. Just fuck him and let him have his way with you for a night or two. I don't see what the problem is."

Scotland huffed out a breath. She was probably right.

Fuck.

Scotland: 4 / England: 4 / North: 1

Scotland slammed a hand down in front of England's path, boxing him in against the wall.

"Cave."

England just snarled in response, "No."

"Fucking kiss me and end this shit!"

"You do it if you're so desperate!"

"I said, kiss me!"

"And I said no!"

The two stared each other down for a moment, sucking in deep, slow breaths.

And then they were kissing, and they weren't really sure which one of them did it but who the fuck cared.

Not fucking them!

Final Verdict: Fucking pointless. (But kind of amusing)

(Final Verdict kindly provided by Wales, with notes by Northern Ireland)