Chapter 32
I sat in my room trying to figure out what else I needed to pack for my trip besides fresh clothes, bottled water, and medicine. It was the day of the supply run with Negan and any attempts to get ready had been barely made. I quickly wondered how pissed Negan was at me, but he, nor anyone else, had made an appearance at my door yet. I must not be procrastinating hard enough, but I got up anyway. I had a choice on how I wanted this week to go. It was best that I made it a good one if I could.
The open duffle bag sat on the bed barely full, its opening wide and beckoning. I didn't have many personal items I wanted to bring, and I didn't think I'd have the chance to touch a book even if I had one to take. Not that anything recreational would distract me much.
Thoughts of Daryl and Roxanne plagued my mind, conjured visions of them together playing on repeat. It wasn't enough that he had been so heartbroken when he told me what happened. I understood why he did it and I knew he was hurt; but I was hurting too. And I told myself more than once I would forgive him, but not today. I wasn't ready yet.
Soap, I thought.
Hopefully that would be something I'd be able to use daily on this expedition. I still wasn't sure of where we were going, but I crossed my fingers for no conflicts, a safe place to sleep each night, and as much privacy as possible. I had plenty of experiences being out in the wild with shelter being scarce and the luxuries of the twenty-first century vanished, but I wasn't ready to relive it. If nothing else, maybe we'd be near water with plenty of bushes no matter how unpleasant that sounded.
I sighed, looking around my tiny room once more before shoving what was left of my necessities in my bag. As I grabbed the zipper, I considered the plastic pink razor that sat in my toiletry bag. It was likely that Negan might allow me a weapon for once, but I thought the chance of being struck by lightning was higher. The razor wouldn't do much in the way of walkers, but if I encountered anything else out there, I might get a few good defensive slashes in if nothing else.
"What the hell," I said and put the whole pack in the duffle bag. If I want to be clean, shaven, and armed at the same time, might as well go prepared. And if the razor didn't do much damage, I could follow it up with a projectile squirt of shampoo to the eyes.
"The pickings of a jujitsu master," I said to myself and went out the door.
"There's a ray of sunshine this morning," Simon said as I came up to the truck. "I was starting to suspect we might not see any sun this whole week if you didn't show up."
"Good morning to you, too, Simon," I replied stiffly, setting my duffle bag roughly on the ground.
"You can put that in the truck. You'll be riding with us, sunshine!" Simon slapped my shoulder as he walked off.
"Yippie," I quietly cheered, not a trace of happiness in my voice. I picked up my duffle bag again and threw it in the back of the truck.
The day was gray and cool, the clouds not quite dark or full enough for a storm, but the cover from the sun was a relief. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as the breeze picked up and leaned against the truck. I grazed over the parking lot, watching people equip various vehicles and remembered Daryl was leaving today, too. I straightened as I looked for him and saw him standing near his caravan, but it seemed that he had found me first, the bags in his hands forgotten as he stared at me. The person who he was supposed to be handing them to yelled down at him, trying to get his attention but we were locked on each other. He looked pale, and there were markings on his face and arms that indicated he'd been roughed up a bit. I wanted to go to him to see what happened, comfort him, and I took a few steps forward before I realized it and stopped myself.
"Where are ya going?" Negan slid up beside me, quiet as a snake.
"Nowhere," I quickly replied, directing my attention to him.
He slid his gaze over to Daryl then looked at me again, a small smile dimpling his face. He licked his bottom lip with a laugh and I glared at him.
"Don't look at me that way," I said.
"It's hard not to, darlin', but I'll try," he said, moving to put an arm around me. "You guys have your chat?"
"You know we did." I tried hard not to look at Daryl, but I wasn't successful. He had thrown down the bags he'd been holding and was a few paces closer to us. "Did you do that to him?"
"He did that to himself," Negan answered me. He held up Lucille and waved her in the air at Daryl in a friendly gesture, a smile present in his voice. "Have a fun and successful trip! I'm countin' on you!"
Daryl gave Negan one last hard look before moving onto me. He shifted his weight like he wanted to walk forward again, but stayed where he was, his face a mask of worry and remorse.
"Let's load up, sweetheart," Negan whispered in my ear and rubbed my shoulder. I nodded at him, but turned to Daryl one last time and gave him a small wave. It was the only goodbye I could give him.
"We're hittin' the road, assholes! Let's get a move on!" Simon called out, and everyone swung into their vehicles, slamming doors and yelling goodbyes to one another.
I got into the truck I was riding in, sliding to the middle of the three seater bench. It was a smaller, single cabin truck so there wasn't much room, but the tires on it were so huge that we sat high above the ground. It gave me a good view and I caught sight of Daryl again, but Negan came up beside me and swung the passenger door shut, blocking me. He placed an arm flat on the seat behind my head and put Lucille between his knees, a self-satisfied look decorating his face. Simon sat himself behind the wheel and gave it a few good honks as he cranked the engine, the metal frame rumbling under us. He let out a long "yeehaw" out of the open window and revved the engine, the tires turning against the pavement to create white plumes of smoke.
"I hope you haven't been drinking this morning," Negan joked over my head to Simon.
"Only some Liquid Fire!" Simon yelled jovially and slapped my thigh. He dropped the gear into drive. "Onward, noble steed!"
And the truck lurched forward. I managed to pry my fingers from the cushions to buckle myself in before we made it past the gate with Negan's trail of jacked up and armored vehicles behind us. Simon popped in a cd and a loud stream of classic rock and roll flowed out of the speakers.
"Can we roll up the windows?" I yelled out, holding my flying hair down as much as possible.
"What?" Simon yelled back, a dumb smile on his face. He heard me the first time.
I rolled my eyes and didn't waste the breath on repeating myself. I flattened my hair as much as I could and twisted it around at the nape of my neck, resting the back of my head on Negan's arm so it wouldn't come undone. I gave him a look that said deal with it and he gave me a wink back. Deal with it he would, no doubt.
Daryl finished tossing up the bags to Shawn, and Shawn was certain he'd feel the impact of each one the next morning. He was surprised Daryl was as limber was he was, even in his evident anger. He looked like ten shades of hell with a large black eye and various other bruises purpling his skin. Shawn settled the last bag in the bed of the truck before covering them all up with a tarp and securing it into place. He jumped down and studied Daryl, feeling uncomfortable with how angry he seemed and how fucked up he looked.
"You okay, man?" He asked him cautiously.
"I'm fine," Daryl huffed out, giving him a brief abrasive look. Shawn held up his hands.
"I'm just checking, but you don't look fine."
Daryl only shook his head as he watched the last of Negan's convoy leave the compound. He felt like he was going to be sick.
"We're about to head out. Everything ready?" Alan said as he walked up.
"Yeah," Daryl replied and walked past them to the truck. "I'm drivin'."
"Like hell you are," Shawn countered, following Daryl. "We'll end up in a damn ditch with the way you're acting, all pissed off and shit. Not to mention, you got one eye nearly swollen shut."
"I'll be fuckin' fine!" Daryl sighed, throwing his hands out in frustration. His head was pounding and the swollen flesh around his eye pulsed with each heartbeat.
"Whoa, chill out. Daryl, you can drive later, but right now, we gotta hit the road, man," Alan said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the gate.
"Shit, let's just go," Daryl growled and walked over to the back passenger door. Once they were settled in and the other four cars were ready to go, they started off. After a while, Alan turned to Daryl who sulked out of the window.
"Wanna tell us what's been up with you lately?"
"It ain't nothing," Daryl said and bit his thumb.
"It sure as shit is something," Shawn countered as he adjusted himself in the driver's seat. "We were all there at the hideaway when you thought it would be a damn good idea to go bush hog crazy at the sight of Negan, and hey, we get it, but we're not that stupid, and I would certainly hope you aren't either. So, what's the deal?"
Daryl ran a hand over his face and gritted his teeth. The last thing he wanted to talk about right now was Everly - even though he couldn't get her out of his mind. He wasn't one to talk about his feelings, and the last thing he wanted anyone to know that he slept with Roxanne. Or that he possibly had. Daryl still wasn't sure if he had fucked her or not, and thanks to Negan, he never got to chance to see Roxanne to confirm or deny it. Negan had stayed true to his word and kept him locked in his room until this morning. Daryl had to use his own fucking trashcan as a bathroom.
"Look, we've all had our share of shit from Negan. It's sort of the initiation process," Alan reasoned. "You just gotta let it roll off your back and forget about it."
"There ain't gonna be no forgivin' on my part," Daryl spat.
"Alright," Alan said in a placating tone. "Just leave us out of it next time, and get your shit together. If we come back empty handed, I guarantee you Negan will make your and our lives ten times harder."
He'll fucking take what I bring him, Daryl thought, but then bit down hard on his thumb, drawing blood. He couldn't compromise the integrity of his crew; he liked them well enough, or at least the two he was currently with. The rest he could give fuck-all about. And Everly. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her again.
"…Stay straight, do what's asked of you, and don't think about me…"
He remembered her words clear as day, and he didn't think he'd forget them anytime soon. They had cut him deep, partly because she was distancing herself more from him but mostly because she was thinking in his best interest. It showed how much she still cared for him; especially when she apologized, when she said she didn't blame him for what he did, and how she wasn't even mad at him… It made Daryl feel like a giant jackass, and he sighed noisily, running a hand over his face again.
"If he starts hitting things, he's walking." Shawn shook his head.
"Daryl, just think of the objective." Alan reminded him. "We find Dr. Carson, we bring him back; preferably alive as per Negan's orders. I think he has something special in mind for the man."
"Yeah, I got it," Daryl replied softly, managing to reign in his choleric mood. He looked up at the gray sky. "If it starts rainin', though, we'll be in for a hell of a time."
"The fucker couldn't have gone far," Shawn said. "If he's not already dead, he's at Hilltop or nearly there. We'll get him."
"Let's hope so," Alan concluded as he gave Daryl a sideways glance. He and Shawn were relying heavily on him to find this guy, and if he couldn't, it would be all of their necks Negan went after. The two of them exchanged a nervous look as silence fell between them.
The ride was long, and after a good thirty minutes of Simon jamming out, Negan had turned down the radio to fill me in a bit on where we were going and what we were doing. We had three destinations, two of which were partitions from one big community the Saviors had stumbled upon a year ago and the last a fairly large populace of survivors in a town they dubbed the Kingdom. When the name of the last community left Negan's mouth, a jolt of anxiety shot had through me. I thought back to my first run with Dwight and what he had revealed to me, and I made a note to myself to examine as much as I could of the Kingdom and the two other territories when we arrived.
Additionally, I wanted to speak with someone who lived in each place to get a sense of their loyalty to the Saviors. I had to be careful and inconspicuous, though. Obviously, whoever I spoke with would need to see me as more trustworthy than the others, and I would need to get them alone somehow. I wasn't too worried about them blabbing to anyone because I was going to be as indistinct as possible, and I figured the younger the person was, the better.
"So, what was the point of splitting the first community up?" I tried to ask casually after mulling everything over. I'd had the whole day to think about it, and the more information I had on each area, the smoother the questioning process would be later on. Negan turned the radio down again.
"More communities equal more territory covered," Negan's deep voice filled the stifled space. He had Simon roll the windows up earlier as it started to drizzle. "And more territory covered means more people, more production, and more civili-fucking-zation. My guys network these groups, so every new person who comes in is introduced to a whole new way of life from the get-go."
"I'm unclear on what "new way of life" you could possibly be introducing them to. You make it sound like it's something to be desired," I stated flatly
"Isn't it? You've lived out there. Some people have as well, some of them haven't. But you did. You're telling me that if you stumbled across one of my many domains, you wouldn't be overwhelmed at the possibility of living normally again, even if it meant giving a little in return?"
"I think "giving" and "a little" are the operatives words there. It's more than just giving. You take, Negan, whether anyone wants you to or not, and it's certainly a hell of a lot more than "a little." You take until people can't imagine not letting you strip them blind because it's their "new way of life." No one gives to you, so don't pretend like they do."
Negan sighed as he studied me, a bemused grin curling the corners of his lips. "That was a mighty fine, if not flawed and digressive, breakdown there, philosopher Everly, but you didn't answer the question."
"Yes, I would," I admitted because it was the plain truth. I had jumped at the opportunity to venture to Alexandria when Aaron showed himself and explained the circumstances. I had been willing to leave Rick and the others to go with him, not considering the reasons why they had been so apprehensive in the first place. It wasn't until Michonne explained it to me later in the safety of the house we all shared that first week that I understood Rick's hesitation.
"I thought so, and don't feel ashamed about that." Negan thumbed my cheek patronizingly. I gritted my teeth and wiped the skin he had touched, irritated.
"So, elaborate. What is the new way of life?"
"Welp," Simon butted in, "think of it this way, cupcake. We've got our city-state and our dependent territories. We got a whole basket load of them fuckers, and only one Big Daddy. What's the best way to take care of all your puppies when you only got one Big Daddy? Ya make some new, tier two leveled Daddies, place them in charge, and those Daddies house train a significant, but smaller margin of the little shitters and turn them into well-oiled fightin' dogs. The rest do the day in and day out bullshit like," Simon sighed, flipping a hand in the air, "farming, cleaning, or wiping each other's asses. I don't know. They get shit done, in other words."
"Eloquently put, Simon," Negan complimented him with a chuckle.
"Nothing to it, Big Daddy," Simon thanked him, closing his eyes in a big grin.
"Every community you have is this way?" I wanted affirmation.
"Not all, but most," Negan answered.
"So, they're more like feudal states, but without the independence," I thought aloud; Negan didn't want vassalage from anyone, he wanted tribute. Take their eyes and voices, but leave them their hands and knees for payment and servitude. That was a tributary state.
"In a nutshell, Nosey Posey," Simon grabbed my thigh and squeezed it. "You sure are asking a lot of probing questions this morning. You looking for another promotion so soon?"
"No," I grumpily replied and smacked at Simon's hand. He took it off of me with a laugh.
"Whew, she's a feisty puppy! Watch out, Negan, she might bite ya if you get too close."
"I'm counting on it," Negan smirked down at me. He looked back to Simon. "Let's stop at the usual place. We've driven enough for today."
"Okie dokie," Simon agreed, grabbing the pager on a crudely mounted CB radio. He notified the other vehicles following us, letting them know of the plans.
"Where will we stay?" I asked Negan. I was starting to feel a little nervous about being out in the open again.
"We got a place a few ways down the road. It's our typical stop. And before you go and turn your hair gray, it's already been secured. You can sleep easy tonight." Negan used the hand he had slung behind me to pat my shoulder and then pulled me close. "If you want, you can bunk with me."
"Or me!" Simon volunteered and wagged his eyebrows at me.
"I'll be fine on my own," I declined, and pushed out of Negan's embrace.
"Suit yourself, but considering the weather, I'm betting the nights are gonna be pretty cold," Negan's voice held a tone of warning.
"Your nipples will get so hard they'll be able to cut diamonds." Simon widened his eyes, a look of mock terror on his face. Then he relaxed his features and a thoughtful, faraway look overtook his face. "Actually, I'd like to see that."
"You don't come near me," I pointed a strict finger at Simon. I turned to Negan. "And you keep your comments and your hands to yourself!"
"I'll give it my all." Negan smiled, the hint of a lie clouding his eyes.
Not a few moments later, we pulled into a parking lot of a nondescript and isolated building, a bleached sign that read "Mattress Ware" the only indication of what it once was. Simon parked the truck in front of the doors, and the rest of the vehicles pulled in around us. I unbuckled my seatbelt as both Negan and Simon opened their doors, and I followed behind them as they jumped out. I examined the large building once my feet hit the ground and noticed it had no windows save for the front doors. The outside was ridged steel and looked as rectangular as a building block, at least two stories high. Surveying the perimeter, the woods were a few hundred feet back and the flat roof granted enough of a view to catch any surprises that might lurk there or on the road. I felt I would be safe here.
"Okay, everybody, let's unpack and unwind for a bit, get some grub. We'll stay here for the night and figure out shifts later." Negan rubbed his stomach. He pointed to a few Saviors who stood by a box truck. "Pull us out some dinner and make it quick. Big Daddy is starving!"
"Right away, Negan," one of them said, and they got to work.
"Oooh, dinner sounds nice. We pack any liquor with our rations?" Simon asked Negan and then he elbowed me in the side. I flinched, the contact tickling me. "I'm thinkin' of picklin' my liver after driving all damn day!"
"More like pickling your brain," Laura commented as she strode by, a bag on each shoulder and one in her hands. She looked pointedly at me. "You going to help at all or just stand there and look pretty?"
"Uuuh-" I stared after her as she walked away. I looked at Negan. "Help, I guess?"
Negan chuckled and handed me Lucille. "Find my dirty girl a safe place to rest her head. And make sure there's enough room for the three of us."
He walked off before I could ask him to clarify and I eyed the baseball bat in my hands. It was heavier than I thought it would be, and I was careful not to let a finger slip over the wires it was wrapped in.
"I think that means you're bunking with him after all," Simon's voice next to my ear startled me. I twirled to face him.
"I'm not bunking with anyone," I corrected.
"No, I think you are," he grinned and looked around the cracked parking lot. "And if it ain't Negan, it's gotta be somebody."
"Can I go in now?"
"What?" Simon looked behind him at the open doors. "Oh, yeah. Go on in, make yourself at home!"
"Great," I brushed past him.
"I'd suggest a king sized bed!" He yelled after me, loud enough for everyone to hear. "That way Negan can squeeze in on one side and me on the other! Make a nice Big Daddy sandwich!"
I shot him a dirty look over my shoulder and stepped through the door of my temporary home. The space inside was cavernous and dim, but it didn't take long for my eyes to adjust. Nearly the entire floor of the building was one open space set up to showcase various mattresses and bedroom sets. Years of disuse left it rather clean and there was only a faint mildew smell that lingered in the air; no pungent scent of the living dead at all. I attributed the last part to the padlock and chain I saw hanging from the front doors as I walked in; but no windows and walls made of steel and concrete helped, too.
I roamed around the dark warehouse, looking at the many pieces of furniture displayed on the sales floor. Faint light seeped through the doors, revealing amorphous shapes and shadows, and it was just enough to make out what I needed to. I wondered if nothing had happened two years before and everything was the way it was supposed to be which bedroom set I would have. Probably nothing that was in here. Knowing the hand life dealt me before, all I'd have was the mattress itself, and I'd be lucky if it came with only a few stains and half the springs still in it.
"This'll do." I tossed Lucille onto a large canopy bed, the wooden frame stained a dark color. It practically had Negan's name printed on it. "Nighty-night, asshole."
I ventured farther inside to find my own sleeping place and settled on a twin sized daybed buried in the corner behind two other sets. It was cozy and private which made it perfect for me. I flopped down on it, not caring too much about dinner but I did want my bag. The prospect of getting cleaned up was tempting, but I had a feeling the bathrooms here were inoperative. I sat up, determining if I could survive the night without it.
"Everly!" Negan's deep voice sing-songed nearby. I sighed.
"Over here," I called to him and waited for him to find me. He walked around the corner, looking around the darkness aimlessly, and I folded my arms, a smirk growing on my face for once as he searched for me. He threw out his arms as he circled around.
"It's not fucking nice to hide when someone is looking for you," Negan yelled out.
"I'm not hiding. You're just not very good at looking." I didn't want to reply, but pressing Negan's buttons wasn't what I wanted either.
He turned in the direction of my voice, and his large, dark form drifted toward me like a phantom. He stopped directly in front of me and I peered up at him, not able to see much through the gloom that filled the space between us.
"You're not thinking of sleeping here." His words came out more like a statement than a question.
"I was and I am."
"Funny," Negan replied. He reached a blind hand out, catching me in the face and then on the shoulder. I attempted to knock him away, but he grabbed my sleeve and pulled me up. "Stop being a fucking pain in the ass. You don't have to sleep in the same bed as me, but I want you close in case you decide to get brave."
"I won't," I promised as I struggled against him.
"I don't believe you," he breathed into my face and pulled me after him. "Laura's got your shit over here which she wasn't too happy about getting, but I agreed to give her tonight off for her generosity. You should thank her."
Negan shoved me against a bed next to the one Lucille lay on. We weren't too far from the front doors, so it was brighter and I saw his face more clearly. He didn't looked quite as amused as before, but not totally annoyed either. The bed he assigned me to was pushed back in a crowded space beside his, so any moving I'd have to do would be right by his head. He'd hear my every toss and rustle. He took off his jacket and lifted his shirt over his head. I averted my eyes, aghast.
"Is there a bathroom I could use?" I turned my back on him and pulled my bag that had been placed on my new bed toward me.
"There is, but if you want anything that requires water, you won't get it in here." He told me as he unzipped his own bag and riffled around in it.
"Is there any place around here that could be used as a bathroom?" I restated.
"There's a small river a few ways behind here," Negan spoke as he undressed. I closed my eyes, keeping myself facing away from him. "What? Are you afraid of a little man tits?"
"I'd rather not sully my innocence," I spat at him over my shoulder.
A sudden hand wrapped around my arm and I was spun around. I was met face to chest with Negan's mostly naked, muscular form, the darkening light bending around him to accentuate the outline of his broad shoulders. I didn't dare let my eyes travel any farther south, but his close proximity allowed me to see he still wore something on his hips out of my peripherals. I made eye contact with him instead.
"Am I allowed to venture down to the river by myself, Big Daddy?" I meant for the words to sound snarky, but the quick change in Negan's features told me I'd said the exact wrong thing.
"Holy fuck, say that again."
"No fucking way," I sneered, grabbing my bag on the bed and holding it to my chest.
Negan's raspy laugh had me snapping my eyes back up to his face again, and I felt my cheeks growing hot in embarrassment.
"I'll let you go to the river if you call me Big Daddy again," he compromised.
"Forget it," I shoved my bag on the floor and crawled onto the bed away from him. I lay down with my back to him once more to let him know the conversation was over.
"Well, good night then. If you get scared during the night," the bed dipped as Negan leaned on it and he whispered into my ear, "come get in bed with Big Daddy."
The bed sprung back to its natural state and I heard Negan redressing. I waited until his footsteps faded away before looking over my shoulder. He hadn't gone far. Everyone was gathering just inside the door to get their dinner for the night, and I spotted Simon with a bottle of something alcoholic in his hand, an expression of pure happiness etched on his face.
"If anyone touches me," I whispered the warning to myself. I rolled over and hung off the edge of the bed as I dug in my bag, retrieving my razor. I got under the covers and curled in on myself, the razor gripped tightly in my fist. "I'll shave off their eyebrows."
Edited by lolasskicker.
Big shout out to my friend Turtle54! I realized while writing this chapter that I borrowed an important aspect from their story, so I gotta give them props for the inspiration. If you haven't stumbled across their story already, check it out. It's really good!