Ch. 8

CPOV

Songs: Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me - Low, Trouble – Coldplay, Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

After spending weeks in the church attic, my room felt like a strange place that no longer belonged to me. I was lucky enough to not be burdened with a roommate and could have properly mourned Lissa here alone, but I desperately craved a space that radiated her. In a world shadowed by the darkness of my past, she had been my light, and I wanted to bask in every memory we shared and hold on for dear life. As I continued on in that attic, searching for the answers that she had needed, I could almost feel her familiar warmth beside me pushing me forward. It was like I was keeping a part of her alive.

Every so often, the moonlight gleaming through the lone stained-glass window would play tricks on my mind. Orange and red figures would take shape in my peripherals and I would find myself calling out her name into the empty room, only to be met with the echo of my anguished cries. The relenting loneliness in those moments was enough to make me want to collapse and wallow in my agony, but after hearing about Rose's state I knew I had to keep going. I had to be strong for the both of us. It's what Lissa would want. It's what Lissa would do.

I absentmindedly threw clothes into the duffle bag on my bed, not caring what I was grabbing as my thoughts kept replaying the plan over and over. Adrian and I would venture out to find other Spirit users to gain as much information as we could on restoration while Eddie and Rose would start looking for Lissa. I pulled Rose aside as she started to leave, with the intent to bring up a point we hadn't addressed.

"Rose, wait." I knew with her Guardian training it most likely already crossed her mind, but I needed to make sure she understood what had to be done. I looked over her shoulder making sure the other two had vacated the room. "If we…if I can't," I struggled to find the right words. "I want to believe it's out there: the information we need to bring her back. But if we can't find it in time, or there is any point where you and Eddie's lives are in danger, I need to make sure you do the right thing." She stared back at me with that stone cold look she had been wearing since the attack.

"When my parents turned, I saw what became of them. I grew up thinking that Strigoi were these untouchable monstrous beings…but my parents looked the same, sounded the same. My mother called to me, holding out her arms just like she always had. I miss them, more than anyone knows, but I am grateful every day for what Tasha and those Guardians did. They weren't my parents anymore. I'm not sure if I knew it then or if I was just scared, but I know it now. In the end, if it comes down to you or Lissa…"

I looked at her waiting for a response, and with complete and utter seriousness she promised, "I won't hesitate."

There was nothing I wanted more than to look into Lissa's jade green eyes again as I pulled her in for a tender kiss, to hear her sweet voice say my name one last time. But only if it was really her, not some illusion created by sinister magic that was keeping her animated. I also knew if we found a way to eventually help her and something that she had done caused harm to those she loved, she would never find a way to forgive herself. A light knock on my door pulled me from my gloomy thoughts and I hurriedly shuffled the excess clothes and duffle bag under my bed.

"Yeah." I tried to push out as much annoyance as I could to hide the worry in my voice. The door cracked open and my aunt poked her head through.

"Hey, Chris. I heard you were down here. Can I come in for a sec?" Tasha had been giving me my space, only checking on me enough to make sure I was still visiting the feeders. Plopping down on the end of the bed, I nodded and motioned for her to enter. She carefully stepped in and shut the door behind her before taking a seat at my baron desk.

"Well, I'm not going to give you some cliché 'I know this is close to home' or 'you'll get through this' speech, because that's not really our style, but I still want to make sure you're doing alright."

"Thanks," I replied, contented that she wasn't the type to force me into an uncomfortable conversation.

"I know everything with Lissa is still…fresh," the term made me cringe. "But I also wanted to tell you how proud of you I am."

My brow furrowed at this, a little confused by her meaning. "I heard that you fought with some of the Guardians during the attack. I talked to Guardian Petrov, and she told me you and Rose ran to the elementary campus and killed dozens of Strigoi. I know we have talked, or I have talked, about using magic offensively before, but it's a whole other thing when you are actually faced with them in person. Even though the losses here have been grave, what you did saved countless people."

I hadn't really given it that much thought with everything else that had gone on. Looking back on it though, I remember it being one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. Seeing their flesh burn as Rose staked them through the heart sparked an unnatural satisfaction within me. The sights and smells were enough to make someone like me gag or pass out from fear, but I revelled in it. I would have been ashamed of feeling that way except for the fact that we were doing it to save innocent people. However, with all the good we had done—we still failed to save the one person that mattered the most to us both. The mouthy bastard that took her was inches from us before disappearing. I wanted to abandon our post and go after him right then and there, I could see in Rose's eyes that she did too. My instincts started to pull me towards her, but the terrified screams from the children in the dorms behind us grounded me in place. Yes, we saved many—but how many were worth Lissa's life?

As if she had read my train of thoughts, Tasha placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a loving squeeze. "Your bravery hasn't gone unnoticed and amidst all this tragedy, I hope you can see all the good that you've done."

I took a sharp inhale and looked down, slightly embarrassed to receive praise but still feeling a sense of pride. I couldn't let my thoughts wander there anymore. Not when there was a chance for me to help her again. "It felt good to not feel helpless for once and fight back," I voiced aloud.

Tasha beamed at my response before dropping her hand. "I'm glad to hear you say that. Which leads me to something else I wanted to discuss with you. I know we haven't talked that much about what you plan to do after graduation." The mention of it caused my stomach to drop. I had been planning to follow Lissa to wherever she wanted to go. I wasn't really that into the idea of college before her, but she had been deadest on it and I would do anything to stay near her. I had no idea what a future could be like without her in it.

"I was thinking, if you want, you could leave St. Vlad's and come with me. With everything going on here, I thought maybe you would want to get away. I could get a place closer to court where you could finish school, then we could discuss the possibility of getting involved in politics at court. I know our family, myself especially, hasn't been that influential since Moira and Lucas but I think you and I could really make a difference in the case of Moroi using offensive magic."

During our last visit to court, Tasha had been very outspoken on her opinions, but I didn't know she was seriously planning on moving back there and devoting all her time to the cause. It seemed very admirable considering how our community had treated us. Although most Moroi would disagree, using our magic offensively would be a huge advantage; something I had just proven. I knew standing by her as an example could potentially help her claims, but there were more pressing matters I had to focus on right now. We all agreed that the fewer people who knew what we were doing the better. Tasha was my only real family and I trusted her, but I couldn't risk our mission by letting her in.

She sat there patiently waiting for my response as I presumably mulled over what she was offering. "You're right. With everything that's happened, there isn't really anything left for me here now, but I started my education at St. Vladimir's and I think it would be best to finish it here as well." I could see slight disappointment cross her face, but she was still remaining supportive. "However, your offer to go to court with you and advocate for offensive magic is something I would really like to consider. Now that I have been in a position to use it, I see how beneficial it is and want to do what I can to help." She lightened at this. It wasn't a total lie, I really did want to help fight for something that would help not just Moroi, but Dhampir as well. Working together like Rose and I had would change our way of life, but Lissa needed me right now. She was my priority and I couldn't let this opportunity to help her pass me by.

"Well then," she said as she stood up to leave. "I think I've sufficiently taken up enough of your time. I'll be here for another day or two, so if you change your mind about leaving just let me know. I'm glad you are at least considering what I said though," she replied with a wink. I chuckled at her light teasing. "I'll be sure to stop by again before I leave." It dawned on me that even though I had so few people in my life now, the ones that were there truly cared. Tasha had a comfortable life on the outside and was offering me a way out of this miserable place with an opportunity for a future at court, despite her affliction to it.

"Hey Tasha," I called to her as she opened the door.

"Yeah, Chris."

"Thank you." She seemed to know the excess meaning behind my words and nodded thoughtfully as she closed the door. I felt like a total shit for not telling her what I was about to do but knew she would understand. Her actions had just proved it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I whipped it out to check the message I had received.

Adrian I: You all set for tomorrow? 3 p.m. sharp.

Me: I'll be there.

Adrian I: Don't worry too much and try to get some sleep. I have a good feeling about this.

Me: I'm not worried.

Adrian I: Good. Because with your bookworm brains and my charming good looks, what could possibly go wrong? It's almost not even fair.

Me: Goodnight Adrian.

Adrian I: Hey! Maybe we should come up with cool code names for the road. How about Bennie and the Jet? Or Squadron Supreme!

Me: GOODNIGHT!

I slammed my phone shut and threw it on my nightstand. As I fell back onto the bed with my hands tangled in my hair I wondered: how in the hell am I going to last the next couple of weeks on the road with sodding Adrian Ivashkov.

DPOV

Songs: Bloodhound - The Donkeys

A ring was starting to form in my worn carpet from my anxious pacing. I had left a message with my family over a day ago, but with the time difference and their busy lives, they had yet to get back to me. I knew Rose's patience was about as slim as a whip so the sooner I was able to get in contact with Mark and Oksana the better. I heard my phone buzz and leapt nearly four feet across the room to snatch it off my desk. I hurriedly opened it expecting to see my mother's name on the screen only to find Guardian Petrov's in her place.

The message read: My office. Now.

It was short and to the point, but somehow, I could feel the sense of urgency humming through the device. I grabbed my duster and marched out the door, taking longer than usual strides towards her office. It was still early for Moroi time and the majority of campus was empty except for the occasional Guardian on patrol, but there was an inkling feeling within me that caused me to increase my pace. Chalk it up to Guardian instincts or a nose for trouble; whatever it was, by the time I had reached her office I was at a full sprint.

I could hear worried voices arguing on the other side of the door before my frantic knocks interrupted them.

"Who is it," she asked harshly. Hadn't she been expecting me?

"Belikov," I replied sternly.

"Come in, come in." As I entered I could feel distress and uncertainty radiating off the walls. Guardian Hathaway was positioned in her usual corner, but she wore a completely different look from the last time I had been summoned to Alberta's office. Before, she emanated confidence and discipline, now she looked like a complete wreck drenched in concern. I had seen that look before back when Rose had gone after the others in Spokane. My gut twisted at the sight of it. It was apparent that the repercussions of that day were haunting more than just Rose. There was only one thing that could cause Janine to react this way, and that was her daughter's safety. If that were the case, I couldn't wait any longer to find out.

"What happened," I asked impatiently. I didn't realize how harsh my voice had sounded until I saw the two women flinch at my inquiry. They looked at each other, sharing a silent question before Alberta apprehensively responded.

"Rose has withdrawn from school. She signed the forms over at Admin this morning and left before the other offices had opened."

"What?! How is that possible? Wouldn't she at least need Guardian Hathaway's consent?" I gestured over to Janine, completely dumbfounded.

"No." Janine solemnly replied. "She's 18 today. She doesn't need my approval." My heart sank into the empty pit that used to be my stomach. Before the incident Rose had been so excited to turn 18. Not only was it a life milestone, the official launch into adulthood, but it was also just one less thing that was holding us back from being together.

"There's more. It appears that Novice Castile and Christian Ozera are missing as well," I already knew what Alberta was about to say before she finished. "The Guardian on gate patrol insists that no students have passed through, but his memory was foggy during a ten-minute period between 3:15 and 3:25. We aren't sure wh—"

"Ivashkov," I spat through gritted teeth. Images of my hands gripped around his cocky neck when I found him, flashed in my mind. I thought he would protect her. That he cared about her enough to keep her safe. But this...this was reckless, this was desperate.

Then, just as suddenly as my fiery anger started to roar, calm realization caused it to die down to nothing but ash and stale coal. This was Rose.

I looked up to see Alberta and Janine staring at me with the same look I must have just been wearing. Pure fury. Janine was the first to unleash.

"That lavvy-heided wankstain! How could he take advantage of her when she's in this state?! When I find that fuckin' walloper his pretty mug will look like a dug licking pish aff a nettle." I could almost see steam piping out of her red ears as her Scottish temper boiled over. Alberta stood behind her desk with her fists clenched, pressing down on the tabletop until her knuckles were white. She looked like she was more ready to take on a band of Strigoi rather than a posh Royal Moroi.

"That's not why they left," I interrupted Janine's fuming rant. I was in no way defending Adrian's actions. He should have tried to keep her here until we could get more help; but I also knew how convincing Rose could be and how easily she could make someone desperately want to stand by her with just one self-assured look.

"Then why?!" Janine was practically yelling at this point.

"Rose came to see me yesterday," they both looked confounded by this. "She went outside the wards to try to contact Mason Ashford, but was pulled into the bond instead."

"What do you mean pulled into the bond? The princess is alive?" The color drained from Alberta's face and the earlier signs of anger were now muted by a ghostly white hue.

"No." Further explanation wasn't needed on the matter; the two women were stunned still with the news that Princess Vasilisa had been turned Strigoi. I gave them the rundown of details that Rose had provided me the day before and explained how she had planned to go after Vasilisa but I had convinced her to wait until we had more information...or so I thought.

When Rose was suffering from the darkness and side effects of being shadow-kissed she had initially kept her torments from me, but she had never once lied.

"Why didn't you come forward with this information as soon as it was brought to you," Janine asked.

"Rose was finally opening up, and I didn't want to betray her trust." Although, it seemed that trust only went one way.

Alberta seemed to understand my reasoning and nodded as she finally sat. She wiped her hands over her face, the lines on her forehead and eyes more prominent than usual. The past week had been more than enough stress on her and this was the final tipping point. The seasoned Guardian looked up at me and said, "So what do we do?"

A storm of anger and hurt started to build within me again. I told Rose I would help her, that I just needed a little bit of time. Did she really think that I would just stall, hoping that this notion of hers would eventually fizzle? Had she really lost all faith in me? Even though her training was nearly complete, and she was excelling well beyond Guardian's twice her age, she was in no way ready for this. It was impossible for me to not let my emotions cloud my judgement at this point and there was only one thing I could focus on now.

"I'm going after them."

Alberta clasped her hands together and leaned on her desk, speaking in a calm yet serious tone. "Dimitri, please sit." I obliged, thinking I was about to receive a lecture on responsibilities to my duty and position so I was momentarily dumbstruck by what came out.

"I know you care about Rose, but leaving isn't something you can do right now." She took a pause before continuing. "I have been contacted by the Guardian Council and it seems that the Moroi are insisting on further investigation of the events leading up to the attack on St. Vladimir's. There have been no official accusations or claims made yet, but I have been informed that you will be requested to conduct a formal interview. With the passing of your previous charge and now the princess...they want to make sure there was no foul play at hand."

Even though Alberta had hinted that this was a possible outcome, I felt floored. I put a lot of the blame on myself for what happened to Ivan, but the Council had been adamant about there being nothing more I could have done. I had relentlessly worked to build a solid reputation within the Guardian community and protect the Moroi at all costs. I had sacrificed my body, my life, my love to them, and that still wasn't enough to keep me out of the line of scrutiny. I guess Alberta had been right; eventually, they would go looking for someone to blame.

"When I expressed my utmost disapproval of it," she continued, "they assured me it was just a formality and nothing more. But by you leaving...it would come off very suspicious. It would look like you have something to hide. Not me, nor your reputation, could help you."

If it was just me to think about, there would have been no hesitation in that moment. I would have gone against everything I had been taught and thrown it all out the window right then and there, but the faces of my family crossed my mind and caused me to pause. It wasn't just the portion of my paycheck I sent them that gave me delay. How would they react to hearing my name, my honor dragged through the mud? I pictured my mother's disappointed and hurt face—but realized that what would cause that look would be me essentially choosing my career over the woman I loved. My soulmate. She knew the ways of the Moroi, had grown up on the notion that They Come First just as I had; but we also had been faced with the harsh reality, thanks to my father, that there were times in our lives where we had to choose a path for ourselves. I knew that she would agree with me in this moment that the choice my heart was making was far more important than a career and a reputation, no matter how deprecating. I had already given them my life, and I wouldn't let their selfish wants take my soul as well.

"I understand," I looked into Alberta's eyes and made my choice clear. "I'm going after her."

"You would essentially be condemning yourself, Dimitri." Guardian Hathaway voiced. She narrowed her eyes, looking at me with scrutiny and curiosity.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me. Rose is more important, and I will do everything within my power to make sure she is safe." Janine let out a wry smile at this and replied, "Good."

Alberta sighed in acquiescence and dispensed a sad smile as Janine formulated a plan. "I have a contact that can track them down. Go get your things in order and meet me out front in two hours. He'll know where they are by then." I cocked an eyebrow at her confidence, skeptical that whoever this contact was could find them that quickly. Her mischievous smile formed into a full on grin at this as she said, "Nothing gets passed Ibrahim Mazur."

A/N: I told myself I would start updating once a week, but I couldn't help myself. Thoughts on the different POVs from some of our favorite leading men? These two are both struggling with their feelings and motivations for their loved ones, but on two completely different levels. I also wanted to throw in some insight on where Tasha would stand in this story. I have a lot of conflicting emotions about her from the originals and stories that some of you talented author's have written.

Was anyone else as amused by the Scottish cursing as I was? I had so much fun looking those up. The rough translation is below if you are curious on her true thoughts about Adrian ;) (precaution: Janine's terms are not for the faint of heart). As previously mentioned, I will be toning it down on the various POVs now that the gang is splitting up and will start honing in on one or two POVs in the near future. Thanks to those of you still reading and I am so excited to share the upcoming chapters!

Scottish Translation:

Lavvy-heided wankstain - toilet headed cumsplat

Fuckin walloper – fucking dick

A dug licking pish aff a nettle - a particularly ugly or miserable looking person