As I said at the beginning, being invisible in Phoenix wasn't a problem for me but being here in Forks seems to be emphasizing the smallness of my existence. I've done nothing, achieved nothing, made no mark at all on the world around me, not even in the minds of other people. I'm feeling frustrated. I vow that next year when I go to college it will all be different and I'll become my own person in my own light but I still have to make it through this year. I think that the ever-present rain, fog and general gloom in Forks might just wash me away.
I really need to change my playlist.
Tonight, I've finished my homework, so I'm messing around, listening to music and checking the class Facebook page. I have a Post It on the top of the computer frame which says, "Do NOT pm EC" but I have only had to read it out to myself once so far. I think this represents an improvement in my condition. So far Mike Newton has posted three photos of his dinner which is about three more than I ever wanted to see and I'm tempted to comment "As long as you don't post a photo when it comes back up again as it looks likely to do..." but I think this might attract too much attention, so after taking a deep breath, I erase the comment and go back to taking crap quizzes on Buzzfeed. I've just been informed that out of all the Sith, I am actually Darth Tyranus (cool) and I'm thinking of going to bed when I check the class Facebook one last time and see that Jessica has posted something in which she tagged Edward Cullen.
What?
Edward, U don't know what U R missing. Meet me in the second floor janitor's closet at 1 tomorrow and I'll change your mind about dating high school girls…
What the hell was she thinking? Has she been drinking? Can you buy hallucinogens easily in Forks? I should get Charlie to investigate. I'm staring at the screen, so shocked that I hardly notice that my mouth has fallen open and I'm in danger of drooling on my keyboard. I'm so embarrassed for her, I blush strongly enough to heat the whole house. Seriously, the amount of blood that just rushed to my face must have substantially dropped my blood pressure. I'm in danger of fainting. As I watch, she adds another comment:
PS I dare you
A glance at the sidebar shows me that almost everyone is online at the moment including one Edward Cullen. Over the next few minutes replies begin to appear, mostly encouragement from the boys along the lines of "Go Edward!" including some slightly more crass suggestions and some qualified support for Jess from the girls, mixed with tinges of envy and horror. As I watch, Edward Cullen goes offline. I've got to give her some respect for her bold move which I could never emulate. I go to bed and toss and turn for a while, wondering whether the gorgeous boy will take her up on the offer. When I finally sleep, I dream that he is there in the closet among the cleaning fluid and scrubbing brushes.
With me.