"Lying is done with words, and also with silence." - Adrienne Rich
Furious was not an adequate word to describe me at that moment.
As I pushed my body to its very limit, my only focus was to surpass it, go further than my muscles could take me and then just keep going forward on sheer willpower. The solace of the Gravity Room is the perfect setting, a great portrayal of my inner turmoil. The blaring red lights acted as the conflicting emotions, whilst the contrived heaviness of the atmosphere represented the symbolic weight that was gathering on my shoulders due to my reluctance to deal with the state of the situation.
With my body hovering above the floor, one hand laid flat to the metallic surface and the other behind my back, I did my reps.
Push up. Push down.
The whole situation in the bedroom that morning escalated far too quickly for my liking. The last thing I expected upon walking through the door was for that to happen between us, and I was genuinely confused by her outburst. All I wanted to do was help her, but, as per usual, she found some way to make me regret ever trying in the first place.
Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down.
I had already not been in a very good mind state on account of her weekend plans with the weakling. She had said, on multiple occasions, to other people, that the romantic aspect of her relationship with her former flame was over, so I had never worried about her feelings. Yamcha's feelings, on the other hand, were less than convincing when it came to their shared past.
I swiftly switched hands, having reached my ninth rep of a thousand on each arm and going for a final one. Reversing the position of my hands without missing a beat and continued my workout.
I increased the speed in the bending of my elbow.
Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down.
There had been numerous times where I had caught him staring too long, or smiling too much, or embracing her a bit too long. It all simply showed his unwillingness to accept reality, and it was sad to observe, but a true thorn in my side. Even if he had no chance, what man could tolerate such levels of disrespect? The weakling had no shame.
Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down.
The issue over her...appointment with her ex aside, her accident, which happened right after I had left her alone, had a lot to do with my behavior that morning. Her father had assessed me correctly; I was worried. If I was being completely honest with myself, even after her unwarranted brow-beating, I was still very much concerned about her current condition. Her external injuries were one thing that had been easily taken care of, but it was her internal climate that was worrying.
Push up. Push down. Push up. Push down...push up. Push down...push up.
Over the years that had passed since my initial arrival on Earth, I had taken it upon myself to master and hone the skill of Ki Sense. It was a required skill that has served me well throughout the years. The sensation of being able to sense the presence of every living thing around oneself is, at best, indescribable. The skill was what allowed me to keep tabs on the woman, the boy and her parents, even from afar.
Bulma's life source kept fluctuating between weak and nonexistent, despite her physical condition saying that, that should not be. It was making me very apprehensive to be having these sort of issues at a time like that.
Push up. Push down.
Though I didn't feel the need to mention it at the time, but the exact moment she yelled at me as I was leaving the room her ki signature disappeared, not fluctuated but fully vanished, causing me to stop in my tracks but not look back her. Truthfully, I was planning to get as far away from the compound as geographically possible without leaving the planet, but, despite my pride telling me otherwise, I decided that maybe I should stay close.
Push up...
I was nowhere near angry enough to abandon her at a time like that. Her ki signature had yet to return, but so long as I was certain that she was still inside the compound I wouldn't feel the need to go to her.
And that was where my conflict lied.
Why should I spare her so much as a thought after she spouted her accusatory words? Why did I continue to put up with this? Why did she make me want to put up with this?
She may have had a point back there, maybe, but I hadn't really viewed her in that light for quite some time at that point. Sure, I had yet to share this with her, so it was understandable that she was still thinking that way, but surely she thought better of me...right?
I halted my movements. Why should I care about her opinion of me anyway? It's not as if I lo-
Just under the weight of mere thought, my arm suddenly could not hold the weight of my body and I dropped to the cool floor, hard, and just stayed there. It was all I could think to do in order to prevent myself from finishing that thought. With my cheek pressed to the floor, I began to steady my breathing.
No. Furious was not an adequate word to describe me at that moment, no matter how much I wished it was. For me, back then, being upset was so much easier than...whatever this was.
"Even in my thoughts, she's still managing to bother me to no end," I confessed to no one. I sighed frustratedly. "I need a break."
"Where am I?" I asked myself, still looking for even the tiniest sliver of light amongst the darkness, but found none. "Gohan! Chi Chi! Goten!" Nothing. Just an eerie echo to emphasise my solitude, along with a bone-chilling silence. I ran a nervous and shaky hand through my short hair and dared to take a timid step forward into the abyss, but found that I was unable. "What the...fuck...is...this?" I grunted out as I attempted to move my feet. It was as if the soles of my shoes had been fused to the ground. I ceased my movements with a huff of frustration.
Suddenly, the burn on my bicep began to pulsate with pain again. This time, though, I could actually hear it. It was the sound of a frantically beating heart, and I was more than certain that it wasn't my own. Yes, I was scared and confused, but I wasn't having a panic attack.
Ever so slowly, as if being burned all over again, the pain went from a nagging ache to excruciating agony. And, as if simply meant to add insult to injury, the same exact sound from earlier came back with a vengeance. An all out assault on my eardrums was in fruition. I fell to my knees, shut my eyes and covered my ears.
"Somebody! Anybody! Help me!" Okay, so I might've be on the verge of a panic attack now.
The ground quaked and, without having to see it, I could feel the space around me becoming smaller, more compact, like the nonexistent walls were closing in on me. The torment was too much for one person. I surrendered to the pain and screamed at the top of my lungs.
I called out for the only person whose name I could think of. "Vegeta!" And as if the universe were trying to tell me some cruel joke, no one answered.
Only ten seconds in and my body was more than willing to give up, but my brain had other ideas. My mind began to dissociate. Almost immediately, I was distracted with the evocative images contained within my memory bank. Vivid scenes of times spent with my loved ones played out before my very eyes.
I was remembering the day I obtained my favorite article of clothing.
The date was Sunday, March 23th and spring was in full bloom. Even though I had the weekends off at that point of my life, I had chosen to get up early on this particular Sunday morning.
I had prepared a special breakfast for a special someone. Trunks. I had enlisted my mother to keep him preoccupied while I busied myself in the kitchen. It was all for his second birthday because I wanted it to be memorable, even if he was still too young to use his mnemonic functions.
Me, my mother and my father sat down that morning to eat a celebratory breakfast in honor of my little prince. Where the big prince was at the time, I was not sure, but I wasn't going to allow that to spoil the day.
After breakfast, Trunks tore into the rest of the gifts he had received from his many fans the day prior, at his birthday party on his actual birthday, he even got a book from his cousin Van.
A little while later, we had a picnic in the garden and I cleaned him up before we set out for the day.
Though he had already had a proper celebration, I wanted to do something a bit more intimate for my only child, with only the two of us, so I asked my parents to stay behind.
I chose to take him to out into the city, to a very specific place I hadn't visited in years up until that point. The West City Zoo. We traversed the makeshift environments in blissful peace, even though we were amongst a sea of people. I was relieved by this. I had dressed down that day for that exact reason, opting for a simple ensemble. I wore simple blue jeans and a white tank top with a red and white plaid shirt tied around my waist, and topped off with a dark blue baseball cap atop my head. The look was meant to draw attention away from myself, and it worked. Trunks wasn't very recognizable, seeing as I hadn't allowed him to be seen by the public back then, so he was fine.
We spent hours going from habitat to habitat, making sure to see them all, and getting snacks along the way. Having been frequently switching between holding him on my hip or shoulders and holding his hand as we walked side by side, I chose to let him walk when we reached the final exhibit, Blue World, the dolphin exhibit. Trunks got overly excited watching the mammals perform tricks in the enormous pool, going so far as to try jumping into the pool to join them but, thankfully, I was quick enough to stop him.
He tried to make a break for it so many times that I wound up having to sit him on my lap and wrap my arms tightly around him to keep this two-year-old in place.
He eventually did find a way to free himself near the end of the show. He ran around the glass-protected pool trying to get one of the aquatic performers to look his way, all while I chased after him. When that failed, he must have seen the way the dolphins responded to the trainers after giving them fish, because the very next thing he did was snatch a corndog from an adult male and threw it into the body of water. He continued to do this with everyone else's food he could get his tiny hands on until I finally caught him by the back of his overalls.
"That's the last time I let you have sugar, little man," I panted as I carried him back to our seats. I was preparing to leave when something unexpected happened.
"It looks like Opal and Skip," the names of the two dolphins that were performing that day. "have a little fan out there!" the head trainer announced. I swore under my breath, hoping that the man wasn't referring to my little fan. But, as my history would tell you, I had no such luck. "Ma'am, why don't you bring the little guy down to meet my friends over here!"
Now I was forced to choose between complying and pretending as if I didn't hear him, the latter of which was increasingly difficult because of the way my little troublemaker was staring at me with pleading blues. My decision had been reluctantly, and the next thing I knew I was carrying the small wonder back towards the pool.
For the next ten minutes, the trainer allowed Trunks to interact with the dolphins, which he was more than willing to do, and throw them treats after performing their stunts. I had chose to wait off to the side, not wanting to be recognized, until one of the trainers motioned me over.
"I think Skip wants to give you a kiss," the trainer said. I allowed it as he grabbed my hand and led me closer to the pool. "Just crouch down," I was instructed. I did as I was told and crouched beside the pool. Few seconds later, Skip appeared, causing me to flinch a bit. "Okay, now lean forward," I slowly did so and, surprisingly, so did the dolphin. I gave it a quick peck on the snout. The mammal quickly dove back down into the pool, only to emerge again and happily glide over the surface of the water. "I think he likes you!" the trainer laughed.
"I tend to have that affect on people," I boasted. Suddenly, I was lightly sprayed with water. I opened my eyes to see the other dolphin swimming away.
"It looks like Opal might be a little jealous," he smirked, handing me a towel.
I took the linen and dried my face, careful not to knock my hat off. "I also tend to have that affect on people as well,"
He turned to the crowd. "That's the show everyone! I hope you had as good a time as these guys!"
As we made our way out of the zoo, Trunks spotted the gift shop and we spent another twenty minutes getting one of every item in the tourist trap. Somehow, he managed to slip away from me again. When I finally did locate him, with some help from all the noise coming from his direction, the sight was perplexing at best.
"How did this even happen?" I stared in awe of all the broken trinkets and messed up t-shirts. The floor was soaked with the water from the dozens of broken snow globes, shelves were no longer shelves, and there was paint all over the place. The entire section of the shop looked like a tornado had just torn through it. "You were missing for less than two minutes," I looked down to see that he was actually wearing one of the t-shirts and couldn't help but give a reluctant smile at how big it was on him.
I ended up having to reveal myself when the owner showed up. She was furious about the damage, but quickly changed her tone when I introduced myself and apologized for the mess my son made, and it was more than fair to have me cover the cost. The woman was so starstruck she even offered me a t-shirt, but I refused and said to call with an estimate of the damage.
Later that night, I thought long and hard about maybe being a bit more strict with my son. While I tucked him in, he jumped out of bed to get something. He sheepishly handed me the t-shirt he was wearing earlier.
"Sawy, Mama," he said.
I happily accepted his peace offering before pulling him into a hug. "Thank you baby," I cooed. I laid him back into the bed and tucked him in with a kiss on the forehead. I walked over to the door and held my hand above the light switch. "But this doesn't change a thing." I lightly threatened. "Goodnight," I sweetly said before switching off the light and leaving.
I went to bed for the first time with the shirt on, and it had been a frequent piece of my nightly wardrobe ever since.
That day had ended in the worst way you could imagine, but if nothing else it was exciting. I wanted it to be memorable, and I got my wish. The only way that day could have been any better was if a certain someone had been there with us.
It was really no fault of his, mainly due to me not feeling the need remind him of the date that connected us together for the rest of our lives, so I didn't expect him to be there for a Day-After-Your-Birthday outing. Saiyans didn't even celebrate birthdays anyway, so the fact that he showed up at all for the actual birthday party made up for missing the day after.
Not even that noticeable absense could dampen my happiness that day.
I was swimming in the bliss of my memories, completely shutting out the terrors going on around me.
But all of a sudden, and all at once, everything just... stopped.
I timidly removed my hands from my ears and opened my eyes and looked up. "Wow!" I gasped at the sight.
The room was no longer an endless void of darkness. The black had been replaced with hues of blue, lit with tall, flowing streams of what appeared to be sound waves on either side of me. Feeling mesmerized by the waves, I got back to my feet and reached over a hand, unable to stop myself like an insect to a bug zapper, and upon contact, was met with the distorted noise from earlier. But it was different somehow, less frightening and more decipherable. Calmer almost.
My fingers glided through the waves like splashing water as they passed me by. "What is this?" I wondered aloud, in awe of what I was witnessing. I narrowed my eyes at the anomaly. The way in which it flowed seemed...not right for some reason, like its frequency was off somehow.
With not an ounce of fear left in my heart, I turned my body to fully face one of the strange walls and placed both hands through the stream and it began to take another shape, flow with a different pattern. The distorted noise became clearer and clearer the more my hands moved within the wave. Without noticing it right away, I realized that my feet weren't stuck to the floor anymore.
I stared at my feet and then looked back up at my hands. "I guess that means I'm doing something right, I guess."
As if being guided by the noise, I suddenly began directing the millions of lines within the wave to what I believed to be their rightful path. The noise was becoming so clear that I could almost make out a few words.
Just as I felt as though my sorting was complete, the waves closed in on me.
I opened my eyes to find that I was now back in the well-lit front room of the Sons family, still leaning against the radio, music now playing in the background. "What the hell just happened?" I frantically looked around the room. I looked back to see that Goten was still sitting in the same spot as before. I scrambled over to the mirror. I was overly relieved that my nightmarish eyes were gone.
A mocking but comforting voice broke my stupor. "Falling in love with your own reflection again?"
I whipped around to find Chi Chi standing in the doorway. "Chi Chi?" I asked , somewhat dumbly.
The shorter woman came closer. "You were expecting some other overworked woman?" She joked, pulling me into a hug.
I easily returned the embrace. I then looked around the room and found that someone was absent. "Where's Gohan?" I asked, pulling away.
"He's just getting some things from his room. He should be back out in a minute," she answered. "Your mother told me about your accident last night. What happened?"
This again. I sighed and averted my eyes.
Suddenly, my jet shook as if it had been struck and a moment later the sound of the door being forced open caused me to try and open my eyes, but I was still very unable to see on account of the bright light now being inside of the jet with me.
"I have no idea," I said, only half a lie. "I think I fell asleep behind the controls or something. I don't know," still not an entire lie. Technically, I did pass out behind the controls. What happened after that was completely clouded, though. How could I tell them about something I couldn't even recall? I didn't want to make anyone worry over something that might've been nothing. "So," I began, changing the subject. "Gohan must be packing up his entire room, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"He's been back there forever,"
"What?" Chi Chi raised a dark eyebrow. "He's been back there for like a minute,"
It was my turn to stare at her like a crazy person. "No. I've been in here for close to twenty minutes,"
"No. You've been here for less than five minutes. Gohan literally just told me that you just got here," she countered.
'That could not possibly be! It felt like I was in that room for so much longer!' was what I thought to myself, trying to sort out my perception of time.
Chi Chi placed a hand on my shoulder and brought me out my head. "Bulma, are you sure you're alright?"
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm good," I tried reassure my friend. I glanced over at the old clock and it read a quarter to twelve. "Shion Adair," I reminded myself with a murmur of the woman's name.
"What did you say?"
I shook my head dismissively. "Nothing,"
"Are you sure? Because I'm sure Gohan would understand if you wanted to reschedule this for another time,"
I looked back to the black-haired woman. "No, it's fine. Trust me. I just have an appointment with a potential employee to take care and then we can do whatever he wants afterwards, okay?"
"Okay. Just try to take it easy on yourself, okay, Bulma,"
I gave a forced smile and nodded. "I hear you loud and clear, Princess," I usually called her by that title when I was joking with her, even though she actually was a princess, but this time I was using it as a means to deflect.
It worked. "Oh shut up, you're more of a princess than I ever was!" she fired back, and Gohan showed up just in time to further deflect. "Good, you're back. Take your annoying Godmother and go,"
I threw an arm across his broadening shoulders and led us toward the door. "Yeah, let's go before your loud-mouthed mother deafens me," I poked fun, quickly exiting as the shorter woman launched her shoe at me.
We climbed into my jet and Gohan suddenly turned to me.
"Bulma, are sure you don't want to do this some other time?" he asked as he settled in the seat.
I blankly stared out the windshield, hands firmly gripping the controls. All I was thinking about was that dark room and all that happened in there, and how I needed to find a way to get back there. So to truly answer the question of whether or not I was really okay. No, I was not, and I was fully aware of this.
I gave him a smile that did reflect my inner conflict. "Let's go,"
Back at the compound, I was in my garden, tending to my flowers with my grandson. "Trunks, be sure to spray the entire flower. That's the key to proper hydration,"
"Yes, Grandma," he said, using a large spray bottle full of water. He awkwardly held the bottle at an angle as he struggled to squeeze the trigger.
"Good, now you can move on to the hydrangeas while I work on trimming my rose bushes," I instructed . Having earned my masters in botany, I enjoyed using my knowledge on my passion, which were one in the same. Plants. I allowed my husband and daughter to have their little labs and work spaces , all located in one wing of the compound, but my garden had its own wing. The largest open space in our home.
I was humming the tune of Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman, a favorite of mine, when all of a sudden the doorbell chimes throughout our home.
Without stopping what I was doing, I gave a verbal command. "Pull up front door camera one," I had to get it was because I was the only one who could, what with Bulma being asleep, supposedly, and my husband out.
A monitor lowered down in front of me and the image of a young woman appeared on the screen, one I did not recognize. "Yes, how may I help you?"
The woman seemed almost surprised to hear my voice as she calmly looked around. "My name is Shion Adair. I have an appointment with Bulma Briefs," her smokey voice said, coolly.
I sighed. I figured it must've be one of the applicants. 'Bulma was in no shape to interview anyone,' I thought to myself, glancing over at my grandson, who was wearing a determined expression on his young face as he focused on spraying the flowers. I told myself that I could handle this one on my own. "Come on in,"
I actually remember that particular day she came over.
Back at my place, a little after Bulma and Gohan left, I was picking little Goten up from the floor when I finally noticed that there was music playing. I turned around to see that the music was coming from our old radio.
"What the...?" I stared at the wooden relic. "Since when did this thing ever work?"
If we only knew.