The next morning the regret and shame set in. Helga rolled over and looked at the thick, dark, rich red curtains of Steven's room.
What the hell have I done? she wondered. She felt Steven move and closed her eyes, feeling him place his warm hand on her stomach.
"Are you awake?" he whispered in her ear. She pretended to be asleep. "I can wake you up."
"I'm awake," she said, rolling over to look at him. He kissed her, and she reluctantly kissed him back.
"Are you up for breakfast, or do you want it in bed?" he asked her, getting up and putting some pants on.
"I'll come down," she said. She watched him leave the room and then got up and left his room to go to hers. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower full blast and got under it. She wanted to wash it all off. Wash him off. She started to cry in the shower. This couldn't happen again. Getting out she dried herself off and got herself dressed into sweatpants and a baggy shirt, and then just sat on her bed, feeling ashamed of herself. She felt tired, and her body ached. Was this a hangover? How drunk was she last night?
Ugh, no! She wasn't going to go down this path again. She was only just regaining her sense of self back. She wasn't going to lose herself again.
. . .
"I'm glad you got out of there before he got back."
Arnold turned to look at the tall blonde woman behind him.
"Do you really think she's in danger?" he asked.
Olga had shown up on his doorstep just after the Thanksgiving Party. She knew he had been there, and she chewed him out, but not for the reasons he would have thought. She was more concerned about what would have happened had Steven seen him there.
"I don't think she's in danger, but she's not in a safe place," Olga told him. "Steven gets what Steven wants, and Steven wants her. Just . . . be careful."
"What about you?" he asked.
Thinking back to that day she showed up on his doorstep with her warnings, and how she had eventually broken down, and told him that she had been hiding his letters to Arnold, but not from Helga. From Steven. The first letter she had missed, but Steven had found it. He was so angry that he tore it up and threw it in the wastebasket. From then on Olga would try to get the letters. She kept meaning to give them to Helga, but Steven had worked fast at playing the sisters off each other. Olga had been busy during those first weeks of Helga coming to live with them. Unfortunately it had given Steven time to convince her he was the good guy, and she was the bad. She could see almost instantly that Steven was taken with Helga, long before she came to stay with them. He saw her intelligence, and he was attracted to intelligent woman. And Helga had always been a bit beyond her years. She had found the two of them one day debating over some book they had read. She could see then that he was enamored with Helga, but she was only twelve at the time. She never invited Helga to their place, cause she had always been worried that Steven might find a way to turn her against her parents, and convince her that she should live with them. He would have had his hands on her earlier, and molded her into what he wanted. A smart, intelligent woman, who could still be controlled and do as he says. Someone he could show off, but still keep all to himself. He thought he had found it in Olga, but she had heard him confess to Colin one night, that she was a little too dim. But her sister made up for that.
She had realized a little too late that Steven was a master manipulator. You didn't even realize you were being manipulated, and often no one else could see it.
Arnold and she had come up with a way for her to sneak off without Steven catching her. She had his number in her phone under "Lila 2", so if Steven ever looked through her contacts he would just assume, she hoped, that she had another number for Lila. If he was coming, she would warn him with a text message. So far it had worked out. Now it was just planning an escape for Helga. She had already worked things out, behind the scenes, with Arnold's grandparents. She was the sole carer for Helga. Her parents had known better than to put Steven down as well. So when it came to guardianship of her, Olga was in complete control. Talking over it with Arnold's family, they agreed to take her on. But they couldn't go to the police. Not yet. There was something else that bothered Olga, but she needed to gather evidence.
Cally had been such a nice person. But she was also an employee. Who knew too much, Olga suspected. Olga had started getting suspect when Steven let the police roam anywhere in the house. He was a little too compliant in her opinion. And he just decided one day to have cameras in the maze? He hadn't even told her about that! She had let this all spill out to Arnold. Which is why she had desperately texted him, telling him to stay close to the office. Steven had turned off the phone, but Olga had turned on the wifi and let Arnold know the password. He had been on his phone non stop. And while Helga was in the attic, he used a key Olga had left him to go into Steven's room and look around. And also in his office.
He hadn't found anything. So either Olga was paranoid.
Or Steven was smart.
Either way, in Arnold's mind, Helga was in danger.
. . .
When Helga got downstairs she saw the Steven was in his office. He waved her in. She walked in and slumped down in the chair in front of his desk.
"Your sister wants to talk to you," he said. "The lines not good, so be quick." Helga took the phone from him.
"Olga," she said coldly.
"Are you sleeping with him?" she asked straight out. "I'm not mad. Just . . . top drawer, run your fingers under the top of the dresser top. There's some ECP's. And a box of contraception. Don't let him find them, don't let him catch you using it."
"Olga, whats-"
"Emergency contraceptive pill. Just listen to me, Helga," her sister hurriedly continued. "Do what he says, act submissive, don't heckle him or annoy him."
"What's go-"
"Put Steven back on the phone and go."
Helga handed the phone back to Steven. "I'm going upstairs."
Steven got back on the phone with Olga, watching as Helga walked out. Helga was hoping Olga would keep him busy long enough for her to make it upstairs and do what Olga had told her to. She hurried up the stairs and into her sisters room as quickly as possible and went straight to the drawer here sister had mentioned, following directions. It unlatched and out came two containers. Helga opened the first one to see it was the ECP Olga had been talking about, which meant the other one was the contraception. Why did Olga have contraception medication if she didn't . . . it struck Helga like a lightening bolt. Olga hadn't had any operation. She was just making sure she never got pregnant! But then, why did Steven tell her she did? She quickly put the boxes in her pocket and went to her own room, going into her own bathroom and putting them in a drawer, after removing an ecp and popping it. She hoped it worked. She went back into her bedroom and sat down on her bed and just stared at herself in the mirror, trying to make sense of the phone call. About five minutes later, Steven came up to her room.
"Phones down," he told her, sitting next to her. He kissed her neck. "God, I can't get enough of you." He turned her face to his so she couldn't help but kiss him. Her sisters words kept ringing in her head. 'Do what he says, act submissive,' even thought every cell in her body wanted her to push him away and run from the house screaming. As he pushed her down onto her back, and continued his work on her, she briefly considered the idea of running. But one look out her window told her that that was not an option. It was just white, but dark out there. 'Give in for now, and enjoy it,' her head said. 'It does feel good, doesn't it?'
Why make it uneccersarily hard on herself? If she was going to be stuck under a man she didn't love, but still enjoyed, she may as well make the best of it.
Right?
. . .
Arnold seethed silently inside. He should have just ignored Olga's advice of leaving Helga there and brought her back with him. Screw Steven. So what if he had shown up and Helga was gone? But Olga had convinced him that it would've made things worse. For all of them. But the idea of that . . . that creature, touching Helga, being alone and near her made him sick! And angry.
"Were you and Helga always safe?" Olga asked. Arnold nodded. Yep. They had been safe. He wasn't stupid, and neither was Helga. Plus both were never sure what would happen to a baby if they made one. Helga had once expressed fear that her sister and Steven may try to take it from her. "Well, that's good. I don't think Steven would want to raise another mans child. He wants one of his own."
"Is that what he wants Helga for?" Arnold demanded. "A baby machine?"
Olga shook her head. "No. No, he decided one Helga the moment he met her. Before she could make babies. No, her womb is just an added bonus. Helga is like what his mother was. Blonde, pretty, smart and intelligent, had a streak running through her that only his father could tame. From the way he described her, she sounded very much like Helga. I don't even know if when he looks at her, that's who he sees. He thought I was those things. But I'm not. I don't have that iron rod running down my back like Helga does, or that ability to run wild, speak my mind, not caring what others thought."
Arnold was looking at Olga with some awe. It was in her voice. She admired Helga. A lot.
"When he met Helga, for him it would have been like meeting his mother again, only in a different, much younger body," she told him. "He loved his mother. He would speak of her so often, his father however . . . he didn't like his father, but from what Steven has had, I think it was jealousy, more than anything. He wanted his mother to himself, but couldn't. He had to share. And he's not a man to share. Don't get me wrong, he's very generous with things, and money, but not his women."
. . .
The next day there was sun. Helga sat up and looked out the window. It had stopped snowing, but the snow was high. Before she could sneak out of bed, Steven dragged her back down, pinning her down by leaning over her.
"Where do you think your going?" he asked against her cheek. She shivered. No wonder Olga let him have other woman. It was all she probably could have done to get any freedom at all! She had this horrible thought of him keeping her chained to his bed as a sex slave, because that was what she was beginning to feel like. He hadn't even let her have a shower on her own! One thing she had learned for sure was that she did not like him in her mouth! It was the most horrible feeling to her, and she felt so ashamed and degraded afterwards. Steven had laughed at her when she had chocked and gagged, informing her she would get used to it. But she did pretty well for her first time.
The hell i will! she thought angrily and defiantly. And sure, first time . . .
It wasn't her first time. Arnold was her first time, though she didn't let him know that. It was strange that she was fine with doing it with Arnold, yet repulsed and disgusted at doing it to Steven. Even though she did enjoy the rest of what he did, that was one thing she didn't.
A beeping from his pocket made him sigh and stop what he was doing. Helga sighed with relief, though Steven mistook it for disappointment. "I'll be back in a minute."
He got up, throwing on his boxers and a singlet, then left the room. Helga laid there, taking a deep breath, trying to think of how she was going to get out of this with him. If today was going to be anything like yesterday . . . she sat up, deciding the best course of action was a quick shower before he got back and getting dressed.
She dressed in her warmest gear, hoping to go out for a walk. She needed to get outside and clear her head and think. She needed to get away from Steven! He was acting how she imagined teen boys must act like when they first discover sex. Only she was there for him to use, rather than something else. Like a sock or their bare hands. Helga laughed at the image of Steven with a sock on his erect penis.
"What's so funny?" she heard him ask from behind her, She turned and gave him a coy smile.
"You with a sock on your banger," she told him, laughing again.
"A sock?" he asked, looking confused. It just made Helga laugh harder. Steven gave her a wry smile. "I don't need a sock, when I have you."
"Well, you'll have to wait a bit longer, because I am going outside for a walk," she said. "I need some fresh air."
"Well, don;t be too long," he warned her. "Your sister is coming home. Are you sure you want to go now?"
"I'm sure," she said nodding. Steven sighed.
"We won't have as much time alone now," he said, as if to warn her.
"Where there's a will, there's a way," she told him with a smile.
. . .
Helga walked around, making her way to the tree that would take her over the fence and away to freedom. She smiled remembering the day she used it to sneak off with Arnold to the beach. Sighing, she turned away, but stopped when she saw a rock in the snow. It had been placed there recently, because it wasn't covered. Her heart thumping, she walked over to it and picked it up. A letter. From Arnold? Opening it quickly she read over the contents.
Your sister is on our side.
She's explained everything.
I love you. See you soon.
Arnold.
Helga looked up quickly, and moved closer to the trees to see if maybe he was still there. Had he seen her wandering about? She looked back at the house and saw her sister waving out to her. She took one last look into the trees then tucked the letter in her pocket and made her way back.
. . .
That night, after they had retired, Steven had come to Helga's room, and practically dragged her into his.
"Your room just doesn't get me in that mood," he told her when she protested. "Too girly. Throws me off."
Oh, he knew her buttons alright. Quietly they snuck to his room, where he threw her over his shoulder, and dumped her onto her back on his bed, and before she could regain her breath, kissed her, letting his hands roam all over her body. Helga fell back, letting him do as he wished. He was good at what he was doing, and she kind of hated the fact that she enjoyed it so much. Did she really need love? Steven could give her romance, easily enough. And he definately gave her pleasure. She tried to stop thinking, and just enjoy the sensations, and was starting to respond when they heard knocking on his outer door.
"Steven," they heard Olga call through the door. "Are you up?"
"Oh, I'm up alright," he said, quickly giving Helga a rough kiss. He called out that he'd be there in just a minute. Helga sat up and looked around. As he left the bedroom she put herself in his closet, sitting down on the floor. She could hear him and her sister in the room. She pulled a container out from under her butt, and the lid came off, spilling it's contents onto the floor. When she heard them leave the room, she cracked the closet door open a bit, to let the light in. It was random bits of jewellery, earrings, a couple of charms, a necklace . . . the charms got her attention. Or rather, one charm in particular. Picking it up, she looked it over. Something in the back of her mind started flashing. She sat there quietly. It was important, she knew, but what . . .
"Isn't it beautiful?" Sheena asked, showing off her charm bracelet. "My mum brought me this owl for my birthday. Look, she got my name engrave on it. You pop open the owls head . . ."
Helga had been standing next to her as she showed it off. Their lockers were next to each other. Rhonda had told it was probably a cheap knock off. Helga had called her jealous and told her to shut up, then told Sheena it was beautiful. Sheena had smiled gratefully at her.
Helga's heart was thumping, and it felt like it was in her throat as she hit the small clip that would open the owls head. When she looked inside she smothered her cry and dropped it. Sheena's name was engraved on the inside. She felt suddenly like she was going to spew.
Was Steven the real killer?
She put everything back into the container and then pushed her way out of the closet and heaved. Staggering she made her way to his lounge area, before falling to her knees. If he as, then was Cally an accomplice? She got to her feet again, and made her way out of the room.
. . .
She had fallen asleep on the floor, leaning against the door. At some point she had fallen onto her side, but hadn't woken up. It was Steven knocking on her door that jolted her awake. Without thinking she got up and opened the door.
"Why did you come back here?" he asked, coming and closing the door behind him. Then he swept her up and kissed her.
"I was scared Olga might come in," she lied, pulling away from him. "That was too close."
"Tell me about it," he said.
"I need to have a bath, I ache," she told him.
"Your not already pregnant to that boy, are you?" Steven growled. Helga shook her head.
"No, he always used protection with me," she said. She glared at him. "Unlike someone else."
Steven smiled and shrugged. "What's the worse that could happen?"
"A baby," she snapped, entering her bathroom and locking the door behind her. She turned on the shower and undressed, then looked at her panties in dismay. "Really?"
She opened the drawer and took out a tampon and a pad. Between the aching and the headache forming, she knew her period was on it's way. She prepped her knickers and stepped into the shower, trying to think of what to do next. She wondered if perhaps she had just dreamed that incident in Steven's closet. Had he really done that to those girls? To Sheena? Did he frame Cally and her boyfriend somehow? Was her sister in on the whole thing as well? So many questions were running through her head, that she didn't notice when Steven came in and picked up the box of contraception pills from the drawer. It wasn't until he spoke, that she realized she wasn't alone.
"Where did you get this?" he demanded. Helga almost slipped over, but managed to catch herself before she fell.
"What?" she asked. She saw Steven holding up the box. Oh, shit! she thought. She hadn't hidden them. She hadn't had the time.
"Where did you get them?" he asked again, in a much lower, more threatening voice. She shook her head. "Your sister? Of course, who else but that jealous bitch!"
Helga shut of the shower, and grabbed her towel. She threw on the closest thing she could find, which was just a short silk night-slip, and pulled on her underwear, then left her room. She heard the yelling going on before she even got to the hallway.
"Your jealous old bitch!" Steven screamed in her sisters face. Helga stood frozen to the spot. "You couldn't stand it, could you? Helga finally beating you at something, anything! Even children!"
"Your just as old, you pig!" Olga screamed back. She looked at Helga. "Run, don't just stand there, run!"